Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Grail?!? ❯ Sharp, Pointy Teeth ( Chapter 12 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

A Grail?!?
A Sailor Moon/Monty Python crossover/parody... thingy.
By Jason C. Ulloa

Disclaimer thingy: Sailor Moon - not mine. Monty Python and the Holy Grail - not mine. They belong to those people/companies
to whom they belong to... or, something like that. The character, Kino Ryoku/Sailor Knight, however, is mine. All mine.
If you use him without my permission, I'll sic him, the rest of the Sailor Senshi, the Knights of Nee, and Ronald, the
Amazing Dust Bunny, after you. So, there.

Be afraid.... Be very afraid.


-------------------------------------------------


Chapter 12: Sharp, Pointy Teeth


{Some time later, Tim the Enchanter led the group of knights and Senshi north across rocky terrain, toward the cave of
Caerbannog where they would find the location of the Holy Grail. Behind the group of Knights, the coconut-banging servants
began to fidget and... whinny?}

Sailor Saturn:
[Thoroughly puzzled] Setsuna-mama, why are those men making horse sounds?

Sailor Pluto:
[Matter-of-factly] It's because they have lost their minds, Hotaru-chan. They have been banging coconuts together
for way too long. Now they actually think they're horses.

Sailor Saturn:
[Pityingly] Those poor people....

Sir Galahad:
[Glancing back at the servants] They're nervous, sire.

King Arthur:
[Glancing back as well] Then we'd best leave them here and carry on on foot. [Commanding voice] Dis-mount!

{All of the knights stop hopping and swing their right legs around over their imaginary horses. All of the Sailor Senshi
merely shake their heads at the sheer stupidity of what they were seeing.}

Sailor Pluto:
[Grimly] I think they've all lost their minds, Hotaru-chan.

Sailor Saturn:
[Fearfully] Does that mean we're going to lose our minds, too? I don't wanna lose my mind!

Sailor Uranus:
[Firmly] We won't lose our minds, Hotaru-chan. We've been through worse, remember? No matter what Jason-san thinks
he can throw at us, we've been through worse.

{A sign appears with the words "Is that a challenge? -Jason" on it.}

Sailor Neptune:
[Putting a hand to her head in vexation] You're not helping, Haruka.

{After the knights... dismount, Tim led the group down the slope toward a small gathering of rocks and other cover, where
they could cautiously approach the cave. All of the knights drew their swords, including Sailor Knight, and followed the
enchanter turned Prodigal Sorcerer.}

Tim:
[Whispering as he gestured toward the cave] Behold the cave of Caerbannog!

King Arthur:
[Nodding as he gazes down toward the cave] Right. [To Galahad] Keep me covered.

Sir Galahad:
[Staring back at him] What with?

King Arthur:
[Glaring at him in exasperation] Just keep me covered.

Tim:
Too late! [Dramatic chord]

{Everyone turned toward the cave and started looking for any sign of a hideous creature.}

King Arthur:
[Watching the cave entrance] What?

Tim:
There he is!

King Arthur:
[Still looking] Where?

Tim:
[Pointing] There!

King Arthur:
What, behind the rabbit?

Tim:
It IS the rabbit.

{There was a moment of silence as the rest of the group collectively blinked all at once as that statement registered in the
minds of all present.}

Sailor Knight:
[Dryly while sighing] You know, for some reason, I knew I should've expected something like this....

King Arthur:
[Rising up and staring irritably down at Tim] You silly sod!

Tim:
[Blinking] What?

King Arthur:
You got us all worked up!

Tim:
[Pointing emphatically] Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!

King Arthur:
[Rolling his eyes] Ohh....

Tim:
[Warningly] That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

Sailor Jupiter:
[Blinking] Rodent? You mean, like a mouse? [Turns to Venus]

Sailor Venus:
[Shaking her head] Don't look at me. I only know British.

Sailor Mercury:
English.

Sailor Venus:
[Sweatdrops] What she said. I don't know Scottish.

Sailor Mercury:
The Scottish people speak English, too.

Sailor Venus:
[Tersely] Okay, so I'm not a language person!

Sailor Mercury:
Linguist.

Sailor Venus:
[Clenching her fists] Aaaaugh!

Sailor Mercury:
[To Jupiter] Was it something I said?

Sir Robin:
[To Tim] You tit! I soiled my armor, I was so scared!

{All of the Senshi start to back away from Robin.}

Tim:
Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

Sailor Knight:
[Skeptically] A killer rabbit?

Sailor Moon:
[In disbelief] That cute little bunny rabbit, a killer? I can't believe that. It looks so harmless.

Tim:
[To Sailor Moon] Looks can be deceiving, girl. There's nothing cute about that monster.

Sir Galahad:
Get stuffed!

Tim:
[Pointing at Galahad] He'll do you up a treat, mate.

Sir Galahad:
[Raising an eyebrow] Oh, yeah?

Sir Robin:
[Angrily] You mangy Scots git!

Tim:
I'm warning you!

Sir Robin:
[Derisively] What's he do, nibble your bum?

Tim:
He's got huge.... [Starts miming fangs with his hand] ...eh, he can leap about.... [Stretches his hands apart about
two feet or so] Look at the bones!!! [Flings a hand toward all the bones strewn in front of the cave entrance]

Sailor Pluto:
[Quietly] Maybe we shouldn't take his warning so lightly.

Sailor Neptune:
[Blinking in surprise] You actually believe him, Setsuna?

Sailor Pluto:
[Sagely] Even if it is just an inane fantasy, there is still no reason to relax our guard.

King Arthur:
[Deridingly] What, for a white, fluffy bunny?

Sailor Pluto:
[Gestures] There ARE bones out there. [To Mercury] Ami-chan?

Sailor Mercury:
[Staring out at the bones] Well... some of the bones look human, and some equine....

Sailor Venus:
[Blinking] Equ-what?

Sailor Knight:
Horse.

Sailor Venus:
Oh.

Sailor Mars:
So, you think there is something there that did all that?

Sailor Mercury:
[Nodding confirmation] Whether it is, in fact, the rabbit remains to be seen.

King Arthur:
I still think it's preposterous. [To one of the nameless Knights] Go on, Bors. Chop his head off.

Sailor Moon:
[Pleadingly] Please! Is that really necessary? It's just a defenseless little bunny!

Sir Bors:
[Putting on his helmet] Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

{Bors strode past the Knights and Senshi as he stepped over the rocks and advanced, his sword out and ready.}

Tim:
Look! [Pointing]

Killer Rabbit:
Squeak! [Pounces]

{The rabbit leaped at Bors' neck and savagely bit into it before the knight could react.}

Sailor Knight:
[Astonished] Kami-sama! [Dramatic chord]

{Uranus turned Saturn around so she wouldn't have to watch the carnage. Bors' body collapses as the rabbit bites completely
through his neck, severing it from his body.}

King Arthur:
[Shocked] Christ!

Sailor Uranus:
[Grimly] I think we can safely say that that thing's the killer.

Sailor Saturn:
[Wimpering] How awful....

Sailor Moon:
[Gaping] But... but, that bunny was... so cute....

Sailor Jupiter:
Cute... and deadly.

Sailor Venus:
Almost like us, except the rabbit is evil.

All:
[Sweatdrops while staring at Venus] ....

Sailor Venus:
[Blinks] What?

Sailor Knight:
[Sighs] I don't think this was an appropriate time to make a statement like that, Minako-chan.

Sailor Venus:
[Sheepishly] Oh. Sorry.

Tim:
[Condescendingly] I warned you!

Sir Robin:
[Gaping] I done it again!

Sailor Knight:
[Grimacing] I don't even want to ask what he did again.

Senshi:
....

Tim:
[Still condesendingly] I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a
harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same. I always tell them-

King Arthur:
[Getting aggravated] Oh, shut up! [Stands up] Right.

Tim:
[Rolling his eyes] Do they listen to me? [Shakes his head] Oh, no....

Sailor Uranus:
[Dryly] Oh, here they go. It'll be the French castle all over again.

King Arthur:
[Ignoring Uranus as he thrusts his sword forward] Charge!

Knights:
[Surging forward] Charge!

Sailor Uranus:
[Shaking her head] No way. We're staying right here.

{The knights all rushed the rabbit with their swords out and shields raised. The killer rabbit wasted no time and pounced
on knight after knight, biting into a few unprotected necks and shoulders while the others flailed about with their swords,
trying to kill the fiend. However, the bunny was too fast for any of the knights to hit it with their longswords.}

Sailor Knight:
[Shaking his head in disgust] Pathetic.

Sailor Mars:
[Curiously] What are you talking about, Ryo-kun?

Sailor Knight:
[Shakes his head] The way they handle those swords. They're slow and clumsy. And they call themselves knights?
[Snorts and folds his arms] That rabbit isn't even as strong or as fast as some of the youma we've faced.

King Arthur:
Run away! Run away!

Knights:
[As they start running] Run away! Run away!

{As the knights fled the field of battle, Tim turned and left, laughing the entire way.}

Sailor Mercury:
[Running up to him] Wait, Tim-san.

Tim:
[Stops] What?

Sailor Mercury:
[Hands over his Magic deck] Here's your deck back. I just wanted to take a look at it, so I borrowed it for a moment.

Tim:
[Nods as he slips his deck in his robes] So, you play, too, I take it.

Sailor Mercury:
[Starts to become embarrassed] W-well, not really. [Grows more embarrassed as he continues to stare at her] ....
[Hangs her head] ...blue and white.

Tim:
[Smirks] I thought so. [Nods to himself and leaves]

King Arthur:
[After the knights regrouped] Right. How many did we lose?

Sailor Knight:
[Wryly] Only the extras.

King Arthur:
[Curtly] Who asked you?

Sir Launcelot:
Gawain.

Sir Galahad:
Ector.

King Arthur:
And Bors. That's five.

Sir Galahad:
Three, sir.

King Arthur:
Three.

Senshi:
....

Sailor Moon:
[Surprised] He's worse in math than I am!

King Arthur:
[To Sailor Moon] Shut up! [To the knights] Three.... Then, we'd better not risk another frontal assault. That
rabbit's dynamite.

Sailor Moon:
[Solemnly] Never underestimate the power of the bunny.

All:
[Staring at Sailor Moon] ....

Sailor Moon:
[Blinking] What? [Defensively] Don't look at me like that. It's true, isn't it?

Sailor Mars:
[Sighs in vexation] Usagi....

Sir Robin:
Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?

King Arthur:
[Sighs and turns to Sailor Knight] If you would, please?

Sailor Knight:
[Nods] Right. [Smacks Robin upside the head]

King Arthur:
Shut up and go and change your armor.

Sir Galahad:
Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake.

King Arthur:
Like what?

Sir Galahad:
[Thinks] Well...

Sailor Mars:
Like becoming more vicious and deadly.

Sir Galahad:
[Deflates] Oh.

Sir Launcelot:
Have we got bows?

Sailor Venus:
[Points to her hairbow] I have one.

Sailor Mercury:
He meant the kind that fires arrows, Minako-chan.

Sailor Venus:
[Turns red in embarrassment] Oh. My mistake. Sorry.

King Arthur:
[Shakes his head] No. No bows.

Sailor Knight:
All we have is this sword. [Holds up his sword]

King Arthur:
[Turns toward the Senshi] You've all been hinting about some sort of powers that you all possess. What about those?

Sailor Neptune:
Our powers are for fighting demons, not rabbits.

King Arthur:
[Gestures toward the rabbit] That rabbit IS a demon.

Sailor Neptune:
[Shakes her head] It may be as mean and vicious as a demon, but it's not a demon.

Sir Launcelot:
[Points in realization] Wait! We have the Holy Hand Grenade.

Senshi:
The Holy... what?!?

King Arthur:
[Brightens] Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries
with him! [Looks up toward the group of servants resting back where they had left them] Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy
Hand Grenade!

{By the group of servants that was left behind eariler, a palanquin that was being tended by three monks seemed to have
appeared as if it had always been part of the procession. The eldest monk turned around and nodded, then turned back and
signaled to the younger monk beside him. The monk reached into the palanquin and lifted out a small chest, then handed it
to Brother Maynard, who accepted it with a ceremonial bow. The younger monk then took the book from the third, hooded monk
and started to follow Brother Maynard as he headed down toward the knights. The third monk began swinging a pot of burning
incense in wide arcs as he followed behind the other two monks. As the trio descended, the other monks that had traveled
with them began to chant.}

Monks:
[Chanting] Pie is sudo mei, do nam eis requiem. Pie is sudo mei, do nam eis requiem. Pie is sudo mei, do nam eis
requiem. Pie is sudo mei, do nam eis requiem.

{When Brother Maynard reached the knights, he handed the chest over to Bedevere, who held it forward for King Arthur to
open. He opened the chest and took out the Holy Hand Grenade from its cushioned resting place.}

King Arthur:
[While examining the grenade] How does it, um... how does it work?

Sir Launcelot:
I know not, my liege.

Sailor Knight:
[Exasperated] It's a grenade. You pull the pin and throw it. Plain and simple. It's not rocket science.

King Arthur:
[Raises an eyebrow] What's a rocket?

Sailor Knight:
It's.... [Sighs and shakes his head] Forget it. Forget I said anything.

King Arthur:
[To Maynard] Consult the Book of Armaments!

Brother Maynard:
[Solemnly] Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.

{Without looking behind him, Maynard signaled the monk standing behind him, who promptly opened the book to the indicated
section and began to read aloud as the knights bowed their heads reverently.}

Second Monk:
[Reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that,
with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the
lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu-

Senshi:
[Staring vacantly] ....

Brother Maynard:
[Interrupting] Skip a bit, Brother.

Second Monk:
[Continuing] And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three.
No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou
not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three,
being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty
in My sight, shall snuff it.'

Brother Maynard:
[Solemnly] Amen.

Knights:
[Solemnly] Amen.

Sailor Mars:
[Aside to the Senshi] I still think their religion is cracked.

Senshi:
[Nods] Amen.

King Arthur:
Right. [Pulls out the cross-shaped pin] One! Two! Five! [Starts to throw]

Sir Galahad:
[Quickly] Three, sir!

Senshi:
[Urgently] Just throw the damn grenade!!!

King Arthur:
[Pauses] Three! [Throws the grenade]

{As the Holy Hand Grenade flew toward the evil killer rabbit, the sound of angels singing echoed in the air. The grenade
bounced once and exploded, killing the fluffy menace.}


-------------------------------------------------


{The sound of the explosion resounded through the forest of the Knights Who Used to Say 'Ni', where a police inspector and
a pair of police officers where searching through the remains of the shrubbery that the knights and Senshi had set up
earlier. One officer had an evidence bag open, while the other was taking notes. The pad already had the witness statement
given by the late historian's widow on it. Once the boom of the explosion faded, the police inspector gestured for the
police officers to follow him as he headed in the direction of the source of the blast.}


-------------------------------------------------


Sailor Knight:
[Dryly] Didn't that seem like overkill to you?

Senshi:
.... [Shrugs]

Sailor Moon:
[Sadly] Poor bunny....

Sailor Saturn:
[To Mars] Did we ever check to see if the bunny was possessed by a youma or something?

Senshi:
[Blinking] ....

Sailor Mars:
[Smacks herself in the head] Why didn't I think of that earlier? I could've used an ofuda and we wouldn't have had
to go through all that mess.

Sailor Moon:
[Dryly] Way to go, Rei-chan.

Sailor Mars:
[Crossly] Oh, shut up, Usagi. If you're so smart, then way didn't you try to heal the rabbit? [Smirking] After all,
that could've been an ancestor of yours.

Sailor Moon:
[Angrily] Enough with the jokes on my name, damn it! No more 'rabbit' jokes!!!

Sailor Jupiter:
I think she's almost ready to snap.

Sailor Venus:
[Nodding] One bunny joke too many, I guess.

Sailor Moon:
[Upset] Can we just go now?

Sailor Knight:
[Pointing] I think they already left without us.

{All the Senshi turn to see that the knights had already lit torches and were descending into the cave.}

Sailor Pluto:
[While walking past the Inner Senshi] If you're all done, I think we should go follow them now.

Sailor Knight:
[Also walking past] No arguement here. [To the others] Well? Let's get going.

{The group of knights and Senshi, along with Brother Maynard, slowly descended into to cave, searching for any signs that
would lead them to the location of the Holy Grail. They carefully stepped past loose rocks and bone fragments as their
torches lit up the dark cavern.}

King Arthur:
[Stopping suddenly and pointing] There! Look!

{The group halted as Sailor Knight stepped forward and held his torch toward the cavern wall that King Arthur pointed to.
Upon the rock, several carved lines and symbols were plainly visible.}

Sailor Uranus:
[Grinning] Here it is. Finally, we're getting somewhere.

Sir Launcelot:
What does it say?

Sir Galahad:
What language is that?

Sailor Moon:
Ami-chan, Michiru-san, Ryo-kun, do any of you know?

Sailor Knight:
[Shaking his head] It's definitely not Hiragana, Katakana, or Kanji. It's not Chinese, either. Traditional or
Simplified.

Sailor Neptune:
[Also shaking her head] It's not any of the Latin-based alphabets, nor is it any of the other European alphabets,
such as Danish, Swedish, Finnish, etc. It certainly isn't Russian.

Sailor Mercury:
[Shaking her head as well] It's not any of the Arabic written languages, either. I don't recognize it, either.

King Arthur:
[Rolling his eyes] Oh, you're no help. [Glancing back] Brother Maynard. You are a scholar.

Brother Mayard:
[Stepping forward to study the symbols] It's Aramaic!

Sailor Mercury/Neptune/Knight:
[Blinking] What?!? What's Aramaic?

Sailor Senshi except Mercury/Neptune/Knight:
[Sweatdrops] Figures....

Sir Galahad:
[Nodding in realization] Of course! Joseph of Arimathea!

Sir Launcelot:
Of course!

Sailor Mercury/Neptune/Knight:
[Flatly] Yeah. Of course....

Sailor Uranus:
Well, since these aren't the last words of Olfin Bedwere of Rheged, then we'd better move on. [Turning to leave] I
don't think we've checked down that way....

King Arthur:
[Not paying any attention to her] What does it say?

Sailor Uranus:
[Turning back to the carving while muttering] Stupid idiot. Why do I even bother?

Brother Maynard:
[Reading aloud] It reads, 'Here may be found the last words of Joseph of Arimathea. He who is valiant and pure of
spirit may find the Holy Grail in the Castle of... aaarrrrggh'.

All:
....

King Arthur:
What?

Brother Maynard:
[Reading again] '...The Castle of... aaarrrrggh'.

Sir Bedevere:
What is that?

Brother Maynard:
He must have died while carving it.

Sailor Senshi:
[Facefaults] ....

Sir Launcelot:
[Skeptically] Oh, come on!

Brother Maynard:
[Defensively] Well, that's what it says.

Sailor Uranus:
Well, how about finding those last words of Olfin Bedwere, then?

King Arthur:
Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aarrggh'. He'd just say it!

Sailor Knight:
[To Uranus] I don't think he cares at this point, Haruka-san.

Sailor Uranus:
[Snorts] Fine. I'm going to go find those last words myself. Anyone coming? [Turns and leaves]

Sailor Neptune:
[Also turns to leave, but smiles back at the other Senshi] Well, someone's got to keep Haruka out of trouble.
[Leaves]

Sailor Knight:
[Sighs] Haruka-san does have a point. I'm going, too. [Shrugs] Besides, Michiru-san's also right. Someone's got to
keep Haruka-san out of trouble. [Turns to leave but is joined by Mercury, Jupiter, and Saturn] You too? [Dryly] Let me
guess: you're coming to keep me out of trouble, right?

Sailor Jupiter:
[Playfully] Why Ryo-chan, whatever makes you think that?

Sailor Mercury:
[Smiling] We only wanted to keep you company.

Sailor Saturn:
[Nodding] That and we want to make sure that both you and Haruka-papa don't do anything you shouldn't be doing.

Sailor Mercury:
[Twitching slightly] You didn't have to put it in those words, Hotaru-chan....

Sailor Saturn:
[Blinking in confusion] What do you mean, Ami-chan?

Sailor Knight:
[In a low voice] I don't think you really need to know about it, Hotaru-chan. Just forget about it.

Sailor Saturn:
[Still blinking] Okay.... Whatever you say, Ryo-oniichan....

{The four Senshi depart after Uranus and Neptune, leaving Sailor Moon, Mars, Venus, and Pluto with the knights and Maynard.}

Brother Maynard:
[Points] Well, that's what's carved in the rock.

Sir Galahad:
Perhaps he was dictating?

King Arthur:
[Impatiently] Oh, shut up. [To Maynard] Well, does it say anything else?

Brother Maynard:
[Shaking his head] No. [Staring back at the rock] Just 'aaarrrrggh'.

Sir Launcelot:
[Thoughtfully] Aaaauugggh.

King Arthur:
[Also thoughtfully] Aaaauugggh.

Sir Bedevere:
Do you suppose he meant the Camaaaaaargue?

Sir Galahad:
Where's that?

Sir Bedevere:
[Thinks] France, I think.

Sir Launcelot:
Isn't there a 'Saint Aaauuves' in Cornwall?

King Arthur:
No, that's 'Saint Ives'.

Sir Launcelot:
Oh, yes. Saint Iiiiives.

Knights:
Iiiiives.

{The four remaining Sailor Senshi each exchanged tired looks and sighed.}

Sailor Pluto:
Well, we might as well. [To the knights] Maybe he meant Praaaaaaauge?

Sir Galahad:
Prauge? Where's that?

Sailor Pluto:
It's a city in Cze.... Oh, wait. That country doesn't exist yet. [Thinks] I don't think the city even exists yet.
Never mind.

King Arthur:
[To the remaining Inner Senshi] What about you three?

Sailor Venus:
[Shrugs] Sorry. I'm not that good at any country other than Japan.

Sailor Moon:
[Shaking her head] Uh-uh! I'm terrible at geography!

Sailor Mars:
[Nods] Yeah, she still gets her prefectures mixed up.

Sailor Moon:
[Glares] I'm not THAT bad! [Sticks out her tongue]

Sailor Mars:
[Glowers] You're close enough! [Also sticks out her tongue]

All except Moon/Mars:
[Sweatdrops] ....

Sailor Pluto:
[Tiredly] Must we do this now?

{As the two Senshi began their tongue war once again, Bedevere turned around and froze.}

Sir Bedevere:
[Pointing fearfully] Oooohoohohooo!

Sir Launcelot:
[Glancing back at Bedevere] No, no. 'Aaaauugggh', at the back of the throat. Aaauugh.

Sir Bedevere:
[Lifting his visor] No, no, no, no. 'Oooooooh', as in surprise and alarm.

Sailor Venus:
[Blinking] Surprise and alarm?

Sailor Pluto:
Where? [Turns back and starts looking] Behind us?

Sir Launcelot:
Oh, you mean sort of a 'aaaah'!

{Brother Maynard jumped at Launcelot's yelling demonstration.}

Sir Bedevere:
Yes, but I- [Points again] Aaaaaah!

{At this point, everyone else sees what Bedevere had seen.}

King Arthur:
[Fearfully] Ooooh!

Sir Galahad:
[Frightened] My God! [Dramatic chord]

{Behind them, a 23-eyed, three-story, horned, scaly creature with a mouth as wide as its body and sharp, razor teeth as
large as a tall man, stood roaring at them.}

Inner Senshi:
[Screaming] Kyaaaa!!!

Sailor Pluto:
[Edging back cautiously] Is THAT a youma?

Brother Maynard:
[Astonished] It's the legendary Black Beast of... Aaarrrrggh!

{The Senshi scream as the beast snaps up and eats Maynard.}

King Arthur:
Run away! Run away! [Runs away]

Sailor Pluto:
That's the wisest thing I've heard from you, yet. [To the other Senshi] Let's go!

Sailor Mars:
[Shocked] Setsuna-san!

Sailor Pluto:
It's too big to take on without the others! We must retreat for now! Let's go!!

Sailor Moon:
You don't have to tell me twice! [Runs away]

Knights:
Run away!

{The beast began to give chase as the knights and Senshi fled.}

Knights:
Run away! Run away! Keep running!

Sailor Mars:
[Yelling] Shut up! That youma will keep chasing us if it hears you!

{The group quickly hid behind a huge stalactite and waited silently until the beast thundered past them. Once the pounding
of the giant beast subsided, they emerged and quietly crept away.}

Knights:
[Quietly] Shh! Shh! Shh!

Sailor Pluto:
[Softly, but firmly] Hush! All of you!

Sir Bedevere:
[Whispering] We've lost him.

Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh:
[Roaring] Aaarrrrggh!

Knights/Senshi:
[Fearfully] Aaaaaah! [Runs away again]

{As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur, his knights, and the four Sailor Senshi seemed hopeless,
when suddenly....}

Sailor Uranus:
World shaking!

Sailor Neptune:
Deep submerge!

{The two attacks crashed into the beast, forcing it to slow down.}

Sailor Mercury:
Mercury aqua rhapsody!

Sailor Jupiter:
Jupiter oak evolution!

Sailor Knight:
Knight sonic wave pulse!

Sailor Uranus:
Space sword blaster!

Sailor Neptune:
Submarine reflection!

{The combined five attacks knocked the Black Beast to the side against the cavern wall, stunning it.}

Sailor Moon:
[Relieved] Everyone!

King Arthur:
[Stares in astonishment] So, that's their powers. I can see why they only use them on monsters.

Knights:
[Nodding while staring slackjawed] ....

Sailor Knight:
[As they join the others] Well, we couldn't find any other carvings down here.

Sailor Uranus:
[Grumbles] That damn enchanter gave us the wrong name.

Sailor Jupiter:
[Shrugs] Maybe he meant to say Joseph of Arimathea, but said the other guy's name instead. Maybe they both say the
same thing about the Holy Grail.

Sailor Mars:
What? About the Castle of Aaaaaarrrggh?

Sailor Jupiter:
[Shrugs again] Maybe.

Sailor Mercury:
At any rate, we should get going in case that creature wakes up again. I don't think it'll be out for-

Black Beast of Aaarrrrggh:
[Roaring] Aaarrrrggh!

Sailor Mercury:
Never mind.

Sailor Moon:
[Points dramatically at the beast] You evil beast! How dare you eat a man of the cloth! Even if their religion is
completely insane with holy men hitting themselves in the head with wooden blocks and lobbing around sacred explosives, they
should be able to practice their religion without the fear of being eaten by a scary youma! [Starts posing] I'm the Sailor
Soldier fighting for love and justice, Sailor Moon! On behalf of the Moon, I'll punish you!

Knights:
[Sweatdrop] ....

King Arthur:
[Raising an eyebrow] Now that's an eccentric performance.

Knights:
[Nodding] No arguement here.

Sailor Moon:
[Brings out her attack rod again] Oh, shut up! [Powers up] Moon gorgeous meditation!

Sailor Mercury:
[Also powers up] Mercury aqua rhapsody!

Sailor Mars:
[Powers up as well] Mars flame sniper!

Sailor Jupiter:
[Yes, she powers up, too] Jupiter oak evolution!

Sailor Venus:
[And another one powers up] Venus love and beauty shock!

Sailor Knight:
[Again with the powering up thing] Knight sonic wave pulse!

Sailor Saturn:
[Up with power] Silence glaive surprise!

Sailor Uranus:
[Pow-pow-power up] Space sword blaster!

Sailor Neptune:
[Poooooooooower uuuuuuuuuuuup] Submarine reflection!

Sailor Pluto:
[Power up, power up, power up up up] Dead scream.

{All ten attacks hit the Black Beast of Aaaaaaaaaaarrrgh at once, lifting the huge beast into the air and slamming it into
the far side of the cave. The beast landed with a heavy thud, then went limp.}

Sailor Moon:
[Excitedly] We did it!

Knights:
[Applauding] Yay!

{As the group turned to leave, the sound of something very heavy and very ugly getting up halted them in their tracks.}

Sailor Venus:
[Eyes wide] No way!

Sailor Jupiter:
[Shocked] We hit it with our strongest attacks! It should be dead!

Sailor Knight:
[Stepping back] Let's try it again!

Sailor Pluto:
[Shaking her head] It would only have the same effect.

{As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur, his knights, and the Sailor Senshi seemed hopeless, when
suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack.}

Animator:
[Somewhere off screen] Ulk! [Collapses]

{Of course, since this was a written work of fiction, this was only yet another senseless death.}

All:
[Glaring at the narrator] Now you tell us!

{The Black Beast continued to close in, its sharp, glistening fangs dripping with saliva and its-}

All:
[Still glaring] You're not helping!!!

{[Glaring at the others] Shut up or I'll just let the beast eat you! [Grumbles] ...anyway. As death seemed inevitable for
our heroes, a computer virus infected the author's laptop, deleting the slavering beast.}

Jason:
[Grumbling] Damn computer virus....

{The digital peril was no more. The quest for the Holy Grail could continue.}

Jason:
Like hell! I've gotta run a virus scan on my laptop now! You know how long that's gonna take?

{But still, the quest for the Holy Grail could continue.}

Jason:
[Frowning] Didn't you hear what I said?

{So what? I said, the quest for the-}

Jason:
[Waving dismissively] Yeah, yeah, yeah.... I know. It'll continue. [Grumbles]

{As the scene switched back to the knights and Senshi, the group had quickly rushed out of the cave and took off running.}

Sailor Moon:
[While running] Why are we running?

King Arthur:
[Also while running] We don't want to be around when the author gets around to reviving that damned beast, do you?

Sailor Moon:
[Nodding while running] Good point.

Knights:
[While running some more] Run away!

Senshi:
[They do run, run, run, they do run, run] Dash!!!


-------------------------------------------------


{Later, at the cave entrance, the police inspector and the two police officers arrived on the scene of the chaos that had
transpired earlier. The police inspector stepped gingerly over a discared shield as he examined one of the bodies of the
three dead knights. He picked up a piece of the killer rabbit and held it out to one of the officers to place in his
evidence bag. The police inspector and the officers then turned and headed off in the same direction that the knights and
Sailor Senshi fled, conveniently following the arrow sign blatently displaying the words: 'They went thata way'.}


-------------------------------------------------


Coming soon to a website near you....

A Grail?!? - Chapter 13: Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrggh!!!

Questions? Comments? Want to offer your condolences to the family of the killer rabbit?
E-mail me: jasonulloa@hotmail.com or ulloaj@stennis.navy.mil