Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Alone ❯ Chapter One: Changes ( Chapter 1 )

Alone
Chapter One: Changes
By Selenity Jade

Rated: M

 

Disclaimer: Not mine. Really! I promise!

 

Beta: Lynz - Thank You.

 

Pairing: Mamoru/Usagi

 

AN: 03/04/08 - Updated

 

xxx

 

Usagi gently shut the front door and turned to walk up the stairs as quietly as possible. Midnight was passed her curfew and her father was sure to be very angry. She tiptoed passed her parents' bedroom, relieved to hear her father's loud snoring through the closed door. She entered her own room quietly, hoping Luna wasn't awake. She'd get a scolding from her cat as well. She sighed as she closed her door.

 

"Where have you been, Usagi?" an irritated voice demanded.

 

Usagi jumped and whirled around to face the angry feline, her face stained with tears. "I'm sorry, Luna," she began.

 

"Usagi, what's the matter?" Luna asked, suddenly no longer angry once she got a good look at her charge.

 

"Nothing, Luna, I just fell and started crying as usual. You know me," she mumbled as she stripped off her dirty clothing.

 

"Don't lie to me, Usagi-chan," Luna chided gently and jumped off the bed, padding softly over to her charge. "You look like you've been crying for hours. Is it Mamoru-san again?"

 

Usagi pulled on her pink pajamas before answering. "Sort of, Luna. I don't really want to-"

 

"Usagi-chan, it'll help. Sometimes it helps to talk," Luna told her soothingly.

 

Usagi smiled faintly before turning off the light and crawling into bed. "I suppose so, Luna. I just don't know where to begin, you know?"

 

Luna jumped onto her Princess' bed and curled up on her stomach, purring softly. "I know," she soothed.

 

"You understand, don't you? About Mamo-chan, I mean. You understand why it hurts me so, don't you?" Usagi begged the cat.

 

"Of course, Usagi-chan. I know it hurts and it'll keep on hurting for quite a long time. He is the man you love, Princess. It will always hurt, because you loved him in this time, as well as your past life. You've had two lifetimes to love him, of course it hurts. Why?"

 

Usagi sighed and closed her eyes. "The Senshi yelled at me today. They told me to 'just get over it'! Like I can make my heart stop hurting! I can't, Luna. I just can't stop hurting. Don't you think I would have done it long ago if I were able? I don't enjoy crying all the time. I don't enjoy feeling useless, worthless, alone, and afraid. I don't like the hole inside of me. I hate being this way! If I could stop it, I would! Why can't they understand, Luna? Why do they have to hurt me even more than I already do?"

 

Luna sighed. "I'm sorry, Princess. They don't understand sometimes. They just think it's normal to get over it, like Makoto's crushes. They don't quite grasp that it isn't a teenage crush or simple infatuation. And they miss their ditsy and happy Usagi-chan. They are irritated they can't help you and they don't understand why. They took their frustrations out on you and, although it was wrong of them, they couldn't help it. They aren't wise enough yet to know why you hurt so much, Princess. They don't like seeing you in so much pain and they got angry. I'll talk to them," she announced softly.

 

"No. Don't talk to them. I told them they wouldn't have to hear another word about it. It's fine. I'll deal with it," she murmured. Just like all my other fears and pains. Just like all my secrets that they can never know.

 

"Usagi-chan," Luna began before the door opened.

 

Usagi looked over noticing a little pink head appearing and smiled faintly at her guest. "Chibi-Usa-chan, what are you doing up?"

 

The little girl walked lightly into the room, closing the door behind her. She looked down at her feet before answering. "I heard you come in." The child looked at her feet a moment, hesitating before speaking again. "And I heard what the girls said to you earlier," she whispered.

 

Grimacing, Usagi motioned her 'cousin' into her bed with her. "Don't worry about it, little one."

 

"It isn't right!" the little pink-haired child exclaimed angrily. "I know I tease you and all, but they shouldn't have been so mean!"

 

Usagi grinned at the vehemence of her future daughter. "It's okay, Chibi-Usa. It may not be right but they don't know everything, correct? Unless I were to inform them, they won't know everything for quite awhile. I'll just have to put up with it for now."

 

"It isn't right!" she repeated angrily. "You are their Princess and the future Queen! They have no right to speak to you like that. I saw it all, Mama! It hurt you so much," she trailed off.

 

Usagi hugged her tightly. "Thanks, sweetie. I'm okay. They don't know about the future Queen stuff yet or about you. They don't understand. Let's just leave it at that, okay?"

 

The young girl nodded sadly. "Mama, why is Mamo-chan being that way to you? Daddy loves you; it has to hurt him as much as you! In the future, you two would die if separated. You have a bond. I just don't know how he can do this to you!"

 

Usagi closed her eyes before she started to cry again. "I don't know, sweetie. He thinks his dreams are the truth, I think, and cares about me too much. I don't know and I can't let him know I know about the dreams, not yet. It hurts so much," she said softly, choking on the words as she fought back another tirade of tears.

 

The pink-haired little girl hugged her future mother tightly. "I know, Mama. Can we just tell him? Please? Can't we tell him where I come from, who I am?"

 

Usagi smiled faintly and shook her head. "Sorry, Chibi-Usa-chan, but no. He can't know. Not yet."

 

The little girl sighed and curled tighter into her mother's embrace. "Okay, Mama. You always know what's best for everyone."

 

The older girl giggled a little. "Yes. For everyone but me."

 

xxx

 

"You remember what I told you?"

 

"Yes," Chibi-Usa said softly. "I'm to go to Mamo-chan's apartment after school. I'm not allowed to tell him anything. You're going to the Senshi meeting and will pick me up at his apartment after you're done."

 

Usagi smiled. "Good. Be a good girl for Mamoru, okay? I'll see you tonight." She bent down, hugged the little girl, whispering a quick 'I love you' to her, and took off running to her own school.

 

"I'm going to be so late," she grumbled to herself, annoyed. She was always late when she took Chibi-Usa to school, but she wouldn't give it up for the world.

 

She rounded a corner to run straight into a hard, warm wall. Falling backwards, she landed on her butt. She glanced up and immediately regretted it. Her eyes were met by the fierce cobalt glare of her one true love.

 

"Can't you ever watch where you're going, Odango Atama?" he sneered hatefully.

 

Usagi kept her face from expressing the wince she felt coming on. He had to add salt to the already painful wounds, didn't he? Why did he have to be so hurtful and look so good while doing it? She sighed inwardly. Her first impulse was to start crying again, but immediately squashed it. She would be strong. She had to be!

 

"I apologize, Chiba-san," she said, her voice dull. She'd show him she could be just as unemotional as he was. She would do it because she was the Moon Princess and it was in her blood. She knew how to handle uncomfortable situations. She learned from the best: her mother, Queen Serenity. Maybe not in this lifetime, but she had learned it and she remembered every lesson. Another secret only Chibi-Usa knew. She was truly the Princess and it was about time to show it. It was time to give up on the hope that she could be a normal teenager now.

 

Mamoru gaped at the blonde girl still sitting on the cement at his feet.

 

Usagi grinned inwardly. "However, I am only 15-years-old and not as accomplished, intelligent, or as graceful as someone of your age and education. You should really give a kid - like me - a break. It is, after all, the polite thing to do." She stood up and brushed herself off. "I'd love to stay and chat, Chiba-san, but I'm running late. That tends to happen when I take my cousin to school every morning. I'll see you when I pick her up at your place tonight. I hope it won't be too much of a bother to see me then, but I really have no other choice. I cannot explain that I have a Senshi meeting to anyone and you are my last option. Good day, Chiba-san." She walked around him and then proceeded to run at a break-neck speed towards her school, leaving a stunned Mamoru gazing after her.

 

xxx

 

"I apologize for being late," a breathless Usagi said upon arriving at Rei's temple. She quickly sat down amidst the teenage girls and looked at the scowling priestess.

 

"What did you do? Get detention again?" she snipped.

 

Usagi bit back her normal response and smiled condescendingly. "No, Rei. If you must know, I did arrive to school late. I had to walk Chibi-Usa to school and that tends to make me late. But I ended up getting an A on the pop quiz, and Haruna-sensei was so pleased that she let me out of detention. I ran into Chibi-Usa on my way here and she was very upset about something a schoolmate said to her, so I bought her an ice-cream cone to cheer her up. Then I walked her to Chiba-san's apartment. That is why I'm late." Usagi nearly started laughing at the stunned expressions on her friends' faces. That will teach them.

 

Ami coughed in amusement at the openly gaping face of the Fire Senshi before speaking. "Well, now we can get started. What do we know so far about the Four Sisters?"

 

As the rest of the Senshi start in on their facts and opinions on the enemy, Usagi sized up her guardians. She thought it was about time to let them in on a few of her secrets. The most important one being that Serenity and Usagi had merged and neither were separate now. She was Serenity as well as Usagi. As confusing as it had been at first, Usagi relished it now. She kept up the act of ditsy teenage girl for long enough. She needed to be who she was now, especially with her future daughter's life at stake. Besides, Mamoru was no longer in the picture and as much it hurt, she couldn't rely on him now. If he chose to belittle her intelligence and her own strength to listen to his dreams, she would have to live with it. Even though they were in love, she didn't think Mamoru saw her as a man saw a woman, not yet. He loved her from the bottom of his soul, she hoped. He just didn't quite grasp the fact that she was a woman and had been one on the moon. He just didn't see beyond the schoolgirl yet. She would have to open his eyes.

 

She grinned before turning back towards the conversation between the girls and immediately decided enough was enough. They were hacking at complete myth now.

 

"Girls?" Usagi began quietly. Every eye turned to their leader in shock. Usagi never really participated in Senshi meetings willingly. She supposed it was time to act like a leader in more than just name. "They aren't the real problem. The Four Sisters are being used by the Black Moon family and are lead by a man named Rubeus. They are sent from the future to kidnap Chibi-Usa. Or more likely, the Crystal they think she has. Rubeus is an underling of Prince Diamond, who is in turn being manipulated by the Doom Phantom. He is our problem. The others are, in a word, cake."

 

The Senshi gaped in astonishment. "How-" Ami began before Usagi cut her off.

 

"I've decided to let you guys in on something. Although I had seriously thought about telling you all to take a long walk off a short pier after yesterday, I am the Moon Princess and Sailor Moon, and I won't. I have my duties and they are more important. This world is more important than your ignorance or hateful words." Usagi paused to look at each of the Senshi in turn, noticing the completely flabbergasted expressions on their faces. "I am Serenity as well as Usagi. I have the memories of both, the characteristics of both and will forever be that way. Serenity was born as Usagi; the only difference between the two is the name only. And my hair color, which will change sometime soon, I suppose. Chibi-Usa is my future daughter from the 30th Century. She came back here for the Sailor Senshi's help to save my future self. The Doom Phantom wishes to destroy our world and the future world. That is our problem now. My future self is out of this battle as well as the Senshi from that time. We are this world's only hope."

 

Rei started. "How in the world do you know all of this, Odango Atama?"

 

Usagi glared at the priestess. "I know much I do not choose to tell you. I know because of who I am. Do you even remember the Silver Millennium?" Rei shook her head slightly. "If you did, you would not ask. I am Princess Serenity and sometime in the future I will become Queen. My mother raised me to be ruler after her and I will be. She raised me to take up her powers and to become who I will be. The Goddess Selene."

 

xxx

 

AN: Eh, I still wince.

 

Japanese:

Senshi: Warriors, the Sailor Senshi is what they're called in the anime.

Odango Atama: What Mamoru calls Usagi throughout the beginning of the anime, refering to her hair. They call her Meatball Head in the dub.

 

Lovies!