Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Behind Closed Doors ❯ Chapter 1

[ A - All Readers ]

---------------------------------------------------------------------< br> Behind Closed Doors
By Minako-chan
----------------------------------------------------------- ----------
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.

A.N.: This is a fic that is told in Rei's point of view.
E-mail me at cupid_teacup@hotmail.com
Arigato!

A.N. (2): This fic is dedicated to Bunny, my cyber-momma (who's younger
than me, by the way), who provides a LOT of ideas for fanfics with her
real life experiences. The first few paragraphs are actually inspired
by one of her personal thoughts about her ex-boyfriend! *giggles* Oh
dear. Many thanks to Usagi-chan, Arty and Lelu as well for their
endless support^_^ You guys are the greatest!

-------------------------------------------------------- -------------

<<Told in Rei's Point of View>>

I used to believe that Mamoru-san is...you know...gay. Hello? The
man is drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, charming, knows how to dress
(minus that green blazer...or maybe that pink shirt *winks* but he
looks good in anything), not to mention, NEAT! No, not the 'cool'
kind of neat, but TIDY, ORGANIZED, SPOTLESS-CLEAN-APARTMENT kind of
neat!

I thought that man, my friends, must be ... gay. I mean, how else
could he possibly resist a gorgeous babe like me? I literally threw
myself at him and he paid no attention. ANY guy would be flattered
to have a fiery (heh, no pun intended, folks) priestess obsessed with
him.

Not Mamoru-san.

Okay, maybe I am not his type. But I DO know that he has tons of girls
willing to kiss his feet for a simple gorgeous smile of his. Or just
a glance in their direction, ya know? But no, no no no no no. He could
have had ANY type of girl he wanted...but he shrugged them off like
they were bugs.

Intelligent and quiet girls swoon over him. Well, except for Ami-chan,
but we all know who she -really- likes, even though she claims Einstein
is the only man in her life. Ahem. No comment.

Flirty, social butterflies drool when they see him. Even Minako-chan!
That girl, if she doesn't have a thing for Motoki-san already, would
die to go out with Mamoru-san.

Hot-tempered, proud girls like me just faint at the sight of him. That
messy hair, those eyes...I know a lot of girls at my school who gossip
about him at lunch time and after school. And they don't even know
him!

Strong-willed, determined girls like Mako-chan fall under his spell
too.

By listing the above types, I think I have pretty much covered the
majority of girls in Tokyo. Or at least where we live.

Mamoru-san paid no attention to any of these types.

Instead, a certain combination of all types - bubbly, caring, smart
(when she tries), sweet, beautiful, charming, funny, loving best friend
of mine and also a fighter of love and justice caught his attention.

So, my theory about Mamoru-san being gay is completely out of the
question.

Tsukino Usagi and Chiba Mamoru. Complete opposites, but fit each
other perfectly like puzzle pieces. What could possibly go wrong?

----------------------------------------------------------- ----------

B e h i n d C l o s e d D o o r s

---------------------------------------------------------------- -----

All of us froze when Usagi said the words that shattered her heart
and ours.

"It's over." She repeated, rocking herself back and forth, wrapping
her thin arms around herself.

"Is this a joke?" I managed to choke out, unconsciously tightening
my hold on the table cloth beside me.

The way she looked at me through tear-filled eyes and quivering lips
gave me more than enough of an answer. Poor Usagi-chan. She loved
him with all her heart and soul. She gave up time from going to the
arcade, eating ice cream, going shopping with us, just to be with
him and to fit in his tight college schedule.

There once was a time when I believed that things would always go
smoothly between the two. Even though they were opposites, they were
perfect for each other. Usagi-chan's weaknesses are Mamoru-san's
strengths, and vice versa.

When they were together, I believed true love existed for each and
every one of us. Even us, the remaining four senshi. If Usagi-chan,
leader and moon princess, had the time to find true love, surely the
rest of us would find our own too.

So with the end of Usagi-chan's dream, came the end of ours.

"Rei-chan?" Usagi-chan asked me through her sobs.

"Yes?" I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Don't be mad at him, okay?" She pleaded, noting my flushing cheeks
and tightened fists.

At a time like this, she could still care for the man who stole her
heart, broke it into a million pieces, and left it there for her to
mend it back together.

How could she protect him after what he put her through?

Mako-chan, Ami-chan and Minako-chan looked at me with worried glances.
They were as shocked and as angry about Mamoru-san's decision, but
none of them knew how painful it was for me to hear that everything
was over.

Perhaps it wasn't just the dream of finding true love. Maybe it was
because Usagi-chan was living MY dream. I used to be in love with
Mamoru-san. It wasn't only physical attraction, it was beyond. There
was always something mysterious about him...the ice cold demeanor,
the walls he built around himself...I always dreamed about being the
one to change him.

The truth is, you cannot change a person. The person has to change
himself. Usagi-chan is the only person closest to changing Mamoru-
san. She didn't change him though, but she did something better.
She brought out a side of him that no one, not even Mamoru-san
himself, knew existed.

How Usagi-chan did it is still a mystery to us. I envy Usagi-chan,
and have every reason to. She is everything that I am not, and she
has everything that I want. A perfect family, a forgiving personality,
and a big heart.

And she found her true love...the person that she wants to be with
forever.

That was why it hurt me so much, to know that true love could cause
one great happiness, as well as great pain. Are we all at risk to
the latter? Will we find our true love, only to end up in pain?

How could anyone NOT love Usagi-chan?

Again, back to my original theory about Mamoru-san's sexuality.

For a brief moment, the four girls looked at me with curious eyes.
I realized I was chuckling to myself. And believe me, the girls,
especially Ami-chan, were VERY frightened. I heard Mako-chan whisper
to Minako-chan, "I think she's lost it."

Usagi-chan wiped her eyes with her sleeves, concern showing all over
her face. Guilt washed over me. Usagi-chan, my best friend, just
faced probably the biggest trauma in her life, and here I was, making
her more worried.

Poor, poor Usagi-chan. Always worrying about others before she worried
about herself.

For months I had only heard about what Mamoru-san did, how cute he
was when he stuttered, how sweet his kisses were, how he always held
her close when she got into fights with her family.

The memories of secretive whispers in each other's ears and sharing of
milkshakes of Usagi-chan and Mamoru-san flashed in my mind. Something
clicked in my head...something that I had never thought of before.

I slammed my palms on the table, shaking the vase that was sitting on
top of it, causing the petals of the roses that Mamoru-san had last
given Usagi-chan to fall. Usagi-chan grabbed my hands and looked at
me, pleading silently.

"No," she whispered, "don't hurt him."

This thought that clicked in my mind made me even angrier than the
idea of Mamoru-san being gay. I mean, at least I could forgive him
if he actually was.

My angry tears spilled as the idea became clearer...


Chiba Mamoru is incapable of loving anyone.


----------------------------------------------------- ----------------

With tears and tightened fists, I stormed out of the temple, with
two girls chasing after me. Ami-chan grabbed my left arm lightly,
while Mako-chan grabbed the other. But then of course, you know
the difference between their strengths. I was left with a few
bruises on my right arm.

Being the stubborn person that I am, I decided to shrug them off.
Usagi-chan did not follow me. I wish she had, because what she
did instead made me feel angrier toward Mamoru.

She looked up at me with wide eyes as I opened the door, and
she cried. Not the loud usual wailing that we would hear, but
silent tears. Her tears just streamed down her cheeks.

Baka Mamoru.

Minako-chan sat beside her, rocking her back and forth, whispering
words every now and then.

No, I said to myself, I will not stand this. I will not stand my
BEST friend being hurt by the man who was supposed to love her.
Supposed to. What happened to the promises? What happened to
the "now and forever"? What happened to destiny? What happened to...
true love?

I gulped.

Is it really my business? Am I supposed to be the one questioning
Mamoru?

I stopped abruptly, the two girls following me walked right into
my back and apologized quickly, bowing, afraid of my temper.
Tears made their way down my cheeks.

Am I such a horrible person? Do I worry my friends? Do I only make
things worse?

"Rei-chan." Ami-chan stuttered and patted me on the shoulder. "It's
okay. I'm sure whatever they are going through will pass."

"What Ami-chan said is right. Rei, don't worry. We all know how
Mamoru is. He's loving one minute, the next he's cold. Usagi knows
him well enough. I'm sure it's just...male type of PMS, whatever
he's going through. Maybe a bad mark on his college exam..."

I smiled weakly. "This is serious stuff though. I can feel it, in
my blood. Something is happening to them, tearing them apart. And
I know exactly what it is."

Ami-chan and Mako-chan exchanged worried glances again. "Rei?
What is it that you know?"

I swallowed hard. "Chiba Mamoru is incapable of loving anyone."

Their blank expressions slowly turned to expression of agreement.
"It does make sense..." Even Ami-chan said so.

"But why would he discover that now?" Mako-chan whispered as I
took the chance and freed myself from their loosening grips on
my arms and fled.

------------------------------------------------------------ ---------

The bell above me rang loudly as I refused to wait for the automatic
doors to open. I pried them open impatiently and stormed into the
familiar hangout. The arcade.

A few turned their heads in my direction, noting my red cheeks and
eyes, misery and anger apparent on my features and my tightened
fists.

Poor Motoki-san. He began to back up slowly, but not before giving
the stubbornly-bent ebony head a warning. His reaction made me even
angrier. He merely nodded and continued drinking from the mug in
his hands.

I stormed up to him, shoving a stool out of the way, not even
bothering to sit down. It was fine, since he was my height when
he was seated on the stool. He didn't look at me.

"Chiba Mamoru." I addressed through grinding teeth.

He nodded and continued to drink the liquid. I saw steam coming
from the mug. The aroma of coffee tingled my nostrils.

"Put that drink down, Chiba. I.Need.To.Have.A.Word.With.You...NOW."
I muttered coldly.

"Hai." He said and put his drink down, but never releasing it. His
long fingers wrapped around the black mug, his eyes focused on the
drink.

"Look at me when I'm talking, Chiba." I raised my voice. More
heads turned to our direction. Just great. I might as well put on
a show and humiliate him while I humiliated myself.

The wretched man turned his head ever-so-slowly and looked at me
with a cool, collected gaze. His eyes lacked interest. Strange,
I thought, weren't his eyes a bit more...colourful than just this?
As of that moment, they looked almost stormy. A very dark shade
of grey instead of his usual midnight blue colour.

"Hai." He said with his lips in a thin line.

"Don't play games with me, Chiba. Aren't you going to ask me why
I'm talking to you like this or do you already know?" I asked,
angry when he merely blinked.

"Hai. I already know." He said politely.

"DAMNIT MAMORU-SAN! Do you know what you're doing?" I yelled,
throwing my hands in air in frustration.

Mamoru only raised his eyebrows and then furrowed them again.
That cold, heartless man. If I were this upset, then Usagi must
have gone through something a million times worse.

"Hai. I'm drinking coffee and getting yelled at by you." He
replied mockingly.

That did it. Before I could control myself, my right hand flew
to his cheek. A loud slapping sound followed by gasps of horror
were heard. Immediately, Mamoru's face was no longer facing me.
Motoki-san returned and his eyes widened, his hands slightly
trembling, dropping the bowl of ice cream he had in his hands.

I bit my lip as tears again showed my frailty, my hand still in
midair, shaking. Somehow I couldn't find my voice anymore. I
had no energy to yell or to strike him again. I simply choked
on my words.

"You have no idea what you're doing, Mamoru. You've hurt my
best friend. You hurt her." I shook, fighting my emotions.

Something flashed in his eyes, but I shook my head. It was
probably anger of being slapped in public, or anywhere at all.
The mighty, sophisticated college student being hit by a mere
teenage girl in an arcade. He would hate me for life.

"Everyone gets hurt in a break up." He said coolly, his eyes
glaring at me in such a way that it made me shudder.

"How could you? After all you've been through...after all she's
done for you...you took her dreams and crushed them, like they
were nothing..." I shook as I closed my eyes involuntarily to
blink away the angry tears. "I thought I knew you, Mamoru...
even when I was with you and you had no feelings for me, you
were still better than this. You're not the man that the girls
and I have thought you were..."

"Hai, Rei. I guess I'm not." He took the ice wrapped in a small
washcloth from Motoki and placed it on his cheek.

I pulled the cloth away from his hands, watching the ice cubes
hitting the floor with little "clicks".

"You don't need them. You're cold enough as you are." I said
bitterly. "I don't know what happened to you, Mamoru. We all
thought you were different. We thought you were the one to
make Usagi-chan happy. Instead you took away everything that
she has, and here you are, sitting here sipping coffee,
carrying on with what you do as usual. Where is the man that
Usagi loves?"

His lips pressed into an even thinner line. "I don't think trying
to make me feel guilty would work very well, Rei."

"Apparently not, because you're worse than I thought. You feel
no guilt." I spat, my fists tightening once more. "How could
Usagi ever love someone like you?"

I caught him swallowing as he took a deep breath. "Gomen, I
can't answer that. That is something you have to ask her yourself."

This time my fist went in the air, but my arm was held back as
Mako-chan rushed to my side. Mamoru only looked up and nodded
at her slightly, acknowledging her presence. Mako-chan glared
coldly at him as she realized how calm he was acting as well.
Ah-ha! So I was not the only one getting pissed off.

"No. Don't waste your energy on him." Mako-chan said as she tried
to pry me away from the counter. I held on with my left hand.

"I'm not done with you, Chiba. You're cold, heartless, wretched
man. SELFISH, that's what you are! You don't deserve Usagi-chan.
You never did, and you never will. One day when you realize how
wrong you've been you'll be on your knees begging for her forgiveness,
but you know what? You'll be too late. She deserves someone better
and she will find that someone. And you," I hmphed bitterly,
"you'll end up alone. Forever."

Finally, he looked up with an expression other than calmness
appeared on his handsome features. A look of surprise, with
a hint of...was it...hurt? No, probably just shock because
of my speech. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not well-known
for comforting sweet speeches, but I had never gone this far
either.

He opened his mouth but quickly closed it again. He looked like he
wanted to explain. So much to say, but remained silent. I was
more infuriated and impatient.

"Whatever it is, Mamoru-san, please tell us....please tell us you're
not the man that you seem to be...please tell me you have a reason
for what you're doing...please tell me you love Usagi-chan..." I
collapsed, falling onto my knees, covering my face with my hands as
squeezed my eyes shut. Mako-chan bent down quickly and wrapped a
protective arm around my shoulders, her tears coming out as well.
The arcade was eerie with silence, only the humming of the fan
above us could be heard. Somewhere near the entrance, I thought I
heard a sob, but I ignored it. Probably just some emotional
passerby watching the scene unfold.

"Gomen, Rei. I made my reason clear enough to Usagi yesterday.
I simply don't love her anymore. I think that's enough of a
reason to end our relationship." He said. Was it just me or did
his voice just tremble? Before I could analyze his tone of voice,
he had resumed to drinking coffee.

Mako-chan comforted me in my ear quietly as she gave my shoulders
a gentle squeeze and helped me to my feet. I stood up unsteadily,
swaying from left to right as I tried to maintain my balance. I
waited, trying to see if he could possibly give me an answer that
would reassure me about his love for Usagi-chan. None. He simply
licked his dry lips and drank from his mug again.

"I don't know what she ever saw in you. Did you know she begged
me not to hurt you when she first told me?" I shook my head,
laughing sadly. "She begged, Mamoru. She's still trying to
protect you even after what you did, and you're just sitting here
telling me that you simply don't love her anymore."

He nodded and took another sip.

"DAMNIT MAMORU! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" I screamed once more,
as Mako-chan whispered a "shhh" in my ear, as if cooing a baby.

He gave no response. He put down his mug, his eyes focused on
the dark liquid once more as he furrowed his brows.

"Come on, let's go. He's hopeless." Mako-chan said, never letting
her arm fall from my trembling shoulders, and swung me around to
leave.

"I'm asking you one last time and it's not too late to tell us
the truth. Do you love Usagi-chan?" I whispered, but seemed to
have screamed out the question because of the silence in the
arcade.

The atmosphere was so dreadfully quiet that a pin drop could
be heard. Strangers seemed to be waiting for Mamoru's answer
as well.

"Iie, Rei. I don't." He said, and brought the mug to his lips
once more.

I shook my head sadly as Mako-chan helped me regain my balance
to leave. Her gasp caught my attention as I stumbled to get rid of
the headrush from the rush of emotions I had just experienced.

I looked up slowly and saw the figure standing at the door.

"Usagi-chan..." Mako-chan and I whispered as Motoki-san gasped
as well behind the counter.

I had never seen anything more tragic. She was the source of
the sob I had heard earlier while I was on the floor pleading
for an answer from Mamoru. Why didn't I hear the bell jingle?
I cursed myself mentally for bringing pain to my best friend.

I turned around to see Mamoru looking from the corner of his
eye, an expression unreadable on his face, and soon he continued
to drink again.

Usagi's chest rose and fell with ragged breaths as her tears
ran down her cheeks silently. She opened her mouth, but no
sound came out. The crowd looked at her with sympathy, some
glaring at the back of Mamoru's head. Although they were
strangers, they had an idea of who Usagi was and why she was
standing there.

Slowly, Usagi mouthed "Aishiteru" with her lower lip quivering.
The bell jingled as she took a step backward, the door opening
immediately behind her, as she ran, with Minako-chan and Ami-chan
chasing after her. Mako-chan looked at me, and without a word, we
nodded at each other and ran in the direction that Usagi-chan had
gone, leaving the cold man behind.

Little did I know that if I had stayed a moment longer, I would
have seen Mamoru placing his face in his hands.

----------------------------------------------------------- ----------

The girls and I split up in all directions but couldn't find
Usagi-chan. Dang, that girl could surely run with all her
practice every morning to school. We took turns calling her
house, trying to see if she had gotten home safely. Her
communicator only gave us static as we tried to contact her
the senshi way.

After five hours of walking in the city, circling the outskirts
and pacing the same routes, Ami-chan finally found me and told
me that Usagi had gone home and locked herself into her room,
skipping dinner.

When Minako-chan and Mako-chan found us, we did not say another
word as we went our separate ways to go home. Somehow, no words
could be spoken to heal the pain that was deep within our hearts.

---------------------------------------------------------- -----------

I couldn't sleep that night. I tossed and turned in my bed, unable
to get the haunting image of Usagi standing at the entrance of the
arcade out of my head. It was my fault. I had added more misery
to her. I had forced Mamoru to repeat his reason, not knowing that
she was there to bear the pain once more.

It was my fault.

It was not my business. I should have kept my mouth shut with Mamoru,
and just be an attentive listener with Usagi-chan. All she needed
right now was a shoulder to cry on, wasn't it? Why did I have to
make everything worse?

I threw the covers from my body with force as I climbed out of bed.
3:17am, I sighed sadly. No doubt I would not be the only one awake
at this hour. Ami, Minako, Mako, and especially Usagi would be up
as well.

What about Mamoru? Would he be sleeping soundly?

I opened the sliding doors quietly as I slid on my slippers and
pulled my robe around me tightly. The air was sure chilly. Or was
it the coldess of my heart that was making my fingers numb?

Walking down the steps of the temple quietly, I looked up at the
sky, smiling sadly at the millions of stars decorating the dark
sky, like a painting. Somewhere, I thought I saw a shooting star.
What good would it do to wish for true love after what happened?

My legs carried me to the foot of a tall, grey building. Realization
dawned upon my face as I glanced at the name of the apartment complex.

There was no light from any room. That heartless man, I thought,
how can he possibly sleep?

Knowing what I was about to do was going to get me an earful from
the feline guardians, I went ahead and transformed. How else could
I get to Mamoru's apartment? Knock on his door and repeat what happened
at the arcade? I shook my head to clear my frustration as memories
began to haunt me again.

Before I could regret, I leapt from balcony to balcony until I reached
the tenth floor. I peered around the corner as I leaned against the
wall, to find an empty living room. Everything was neatly placed. So
remote, so organized, so...lifeless. I wrapped my arms around myself
as I shivered and stepped into the open window. The curtains flew
in the wind, and I carefully pushed them aside, trying not to make
any additional sounds.

I tiptoed into the neat apartment, scanning the area with my careful
eyes, trying to see if he was near. Not in sight. I paced around
with more relief, glad that although I was wearing heels, they did
not make a sound at all.

A noise stopped me cold in my tracks. I looked around frantically,
preparing to dive for cover.

Then again, I heard it.

Closing my eyes, I realized it came from the left of the apartment.
I walked to where the kitchen was, and heard the noise again. Whatever
it was, I was determined to find out, even if it was just Mamoru's
snoring.

I took a deep breath and walked down the narrow, dark hallway, passed
the neat bathroom, and saw a line of light coming out from the crack
of a closed door. I heard the sound again. I couldn't just go in
there! Pausing for only a short moment, I realized that I had to
venture outside again if I wanted to find out what Mamoru was up to.

With precise movements, I leapt from the balcony to a windowsill,
which I assumed belonged to Mamoru's bedroom. Ducking immediately,
I peered into the room.

All my accusations of Mamoru from earlier melted as my eyes widened
from the sight before me.

The light of the full moon poured into Mamoru's bedroom. Mamoru was
sitting on the floor beside the bed, his back facing me. He wore a
thin white shirt, his form shaking evidently from violent sobs. In
his hand was a framed picture. I squinted my eyes to see a portrait
of him and Usagi together on a picnic from last month. He rubbed his
eyes furiously with his arms as he pulled the picture to his chest,
collapsed onto the mattress in front of him, and buried his face in
the soft sheets, his whimpering loud even though the window was closed.

Behind closed doors, the walls he built around his heart fell. The
years of loneliness returned to haunt him, the mask he wore faltered.
He was a scared child once more.

Behind closed doors, Mamoru wept, alone in the night.

All my anger was drained.

He had a reason but he still loved Usagi-chan. His Usako.

And somehow, I knew everything would be okay.

------------------------------------------------------------ ---------

T H E E N D

---------------------------------------------------------------- -----

Author's Notes: Done! Loved it, liked it, hated it? Please send me
comments at cupid_teacup@hotmail.com ! Thank you^_^

I know it started really lightly, and probably got you thinking
that I would never throw anything sad in the way, but you were
WRONG! *giggles* Thanks Bunny-chan for the inspiration for the
beginning *sweatdrop* and thanks to Usagi-chan and Arty for
supporting me! You three were the first to read that 'gay' bit!
*giggles* I don't know whether you'd call that an honour or
what^_~

Anyhoo, I wanted to get more into a character other than
Usagi and Mamoru, since I've done so much about those two already,
especially on Usagi! (i.e. Identity Crisis, What Exactly Are We?)
So I'm focusing more on Rei and Mamoru this time. I hope you liked
it! It was a happy ending, wasn't it?!?! In a way, I think it was!
So no flames^_~ I -might- do a sequel or one that is seen through
the eyes of a different character. I'll see how well this fic's
received by you guys. And Lelu, no more throwing shoes. Especially
when they are new *giggles* I think this is the longest one-parter
I have ever done ever since "Reunited" (my very first fanfic)...
so don't let my hard work go in vain! E-mail me!