Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Channel Surfing ❯ Channel 01 - Mighty Henshin Sailor Rangers ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Channel Surfing
by Jason C. Ulloa


Channel 01 - Mighty Henshin Sailor Rangers


When one thinks about the Moon, a dark, desolate landscape usually comes to mind. After all, it's out in
space, and space is very dark and very desolate.

It's very big, too. But that's beside the point.

When man decided to explore the darkness and desolateness of space, their first stop was the Moon. Since
it was their closest neighbor, it seemed the most obvious choice. So, with that in mind, man went to the
Moon.

And immediately afterward, man started selling mugs that said, "My best friend went to the Moon and all
he got me was this lousy mug!"

When it was found that there were, in fact, no aliens on the Moon, man decided that they'd return
sometime in the near future. After all, sales on the mugs were starting to peter out.

Which was why Capt. Meyers and Cmdr. Sims found themselves on a mission to the Moon.

Now, Moon landing and exploration is one of the most demanding missions an astronaut can be assigned,
and as such, the personnel that are chosen are given thorough physical screening and rigorous testing.
In short, they have to be the best of the best.

"Are we there yet?"

"For the last time, shut up or I'll shove this food tube up your nose!"

Unfortunately, the best of the best were out sick with the flu, so they had to settle for these two
instead.

At any rate, these two did manage to successfully land on the Moon.

"Yay!"

So now they had to go out and do some exploring. In other words, they had to go collect some moonrocks.

"Boo!"

Hey, astronaut work isn't all fun and games, you know.

Anyway, as Meyers and Sims went out exploring, they came across what looked almost like a corroded metal
20-gallon trashcan, complete with lid. Since this wasn't a moonrock, they ignored it and continued on
their way, with Sims giving said rusty can a swift kick in passing.

Hey, I told you they weren't the brightest of astronauts.

At any rate, a few meters away from the rusty trashcan, the two astronauts discovered a really big
moonrock, roughly the size of a basketball. Overjoyed, Meyers reached down to pick it up, confident that
with the Moon's reduced gravity, carrying it back to the space shuttle wouldn't be a problem. It took a
little more effort than he thought - apparently the rock was stuck to something - but it eventually came
free.

"Yay!"

However, once the moonrock came free, a brilliant flash of light lit up the landscape, causing the pair
of astronauts to stagger away as the light temporarily blinded them.

"Bwah, hah, hah, hah! I'm free! After a millennium behind that cursed seal, I'm finally free!"

As sight slowly restored itself, the pair of astronauts beheld a scary-looking red-haired woman laughing
maniacally. Behind her, four men in silver-gray uniforms stood scanning the area warily.

Now at this moment, Meyers and Sims realized three things. One, picking up that particular moonrock was
a BAD thing. Two, these particular five people were NOT wearing spacesuits, which meant that A) the
vacuum of space didn't affect them and B) they didn't need oxygen to breathe, therefore C) they must not
be human so D) they should get the hell out of here.

And finally, three, they just soiled their spacesuits.

Now, if this wasn't bad enough, the rusty trashcan that Sims had kicked a few moments past had finally
tipped over, causing the lid of the can to pop off, thereby causing yet another brilliant flash of light.

"Aw, nuts."

"Bwah, hah, hah, hah! I'm free! After a hundred years, I'm finally free!"

Out of the small 20-gallon sized trashcan came five non-trashcan-sized figures. One looked like a
withered old gnome wearing artisan's clothing and glasses. Another looked like a blue troll without the
plume of unnatural colored hair and wearing some kind of reinforced clothing which might've resembled
some kind of armor. Another looked like a skinny, dark blue furred babboon wearing nothing but a
monocle. The fourth figure was a werewolf-like creature wearing gold armor and carrying around a sword.
The final figure, who was coincidentally the one who had spoken earlier, was a woman in a sorceress'
robe, complete with a jester-like collar, a silly pointy hat, and a staff with a silly-looking ornament
on top.

In short, they looked even more ridiculous than the first group.

Yes, this was obviously not a good day for our astronaut friends.

"Now, to conquer Earth!"

"Hey, wait a minute! That's MY line!"

The silly-pointy-hat-wearing sorceress whirled toward the scary-looking red-haired woman and scowled.
"No way! The Earth is mine to conquer!"

"Silence!" the scary-looking red-haired woman bellowed. "How dare you speak to me in such a manner!"

"I'll speak to you any way I want!" the silly-pointy-hat-wearing sorceress retorted.

"You'll do no such thing!" the scary-looking red-haired woman shouted back.

"Yes, I will!"

"No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

"No, you won't!"

"Yes, I will!"

"No, you- Enough of this!!!" the scary-looking red-haired woman roared as she gestured imperiously
toward her nemesis. "Take care of this yowling harridan."

"Yes, my Queen," the silver-haired warrior acknowledged and rushed forward.

"Oh, yeah? Well, two can play at this game!" the silly-pointy-hat-wearing sorceress shot back as she
pointed her silly-ornamented staff at her foe. "Attack!"

"As you wish," the gold armored werewolf-like creature replied as he rushed forward as well and engaged
in combat with the silver-haired warrior.

Meanwhile, on both sides, the other six would-be combatants were in their respective groups, having a
discussion amongst themselves.

"Attack? You don't suppose she means us, do you?"

"Well, you heard her, Nephrite. Go and attack, already!"

"I hope not. Those guys look pretty strong."

"Shut up, Zoisite! I don't see you rushing off into battle like your boytoy, over there!"

"Don't look at me. I just make the monsters; I'm not a front-line fighter. I bruise easily."

*sigh* "You're all idiots."

By now, two different arguments had already begun on the two sides while the battle raged on between
them. This was significantly less than both women had hoped for and as such, they both found themselves
sweatdropping in chagrin.

"It's just so hard to find good henchmen these days," the silly-pointy-hat-wearing sorceress lamented
wearily.

"So true," the scary-looking red-haired woman agreed.

"Say, you seem like a particularly nasty sort. Tell you what; why don't we join forces? I'm sure it'd
be so much easier taking over the Earth with our combined might. Don't you agree?"

"I'll admit what you say sounds true," the scary-looking red-haired woman replied thoughtfully.
"However, there is just one problem."

The silly-pointy-hat-wearing sorceress frowned. "What's that?"

The scary-looking red-haired woman called her crystal ball into existance before her. "There is only
room for one badly dubbed, evil queen from another planet and/or dimension in this sentai series," the
scary-looking red-haired woman replied and blasted her opposition, along with her lackeys, into another
sentai series.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA-!" *Bang!*

**********************************************

*Bang!* -AAAAAAAAAA! *Thud!*

"Ow! All of you get your stupid selves off of me!"

"Oops! Sorry."

A short distance away, a man in a battlesuit that looked somewhat like a grasshopper, rode up on a
weird-looking motorcycle and regarded the new arrivals with a somewhat confused look. However, since the
man's face was completely concealed, this was completely pointless.

Of course, the same could be said for this little tangent as well.

**********************************************

"But I was just about to defeat the gold Youma, my Queen!"

"I don't care, Kunzite," the scary-looking red-haired woman snapped. "I just want to get started on my
clichéd diabolical plot to conquer the Earth!"

"Excuse me, my Queen. Did you just say 'clichéd'?"

"Never mind that, Kunzite. Jadeite! Nephrite!"

"Yes, my Queen?" the short blonde-haired man and the long brown-haired man replied, bowing respectfully.

"I need you both to start working on Youma that I will send down to Earth to conquer it for me. Also, I
need you to start building me a castle for us to reside in while we wait for our eventual victory."

"Yes, my Queen," the pair acknowledged.

"What about me, my Queen?" the blonde pony-tailed man inquired.

"You, Zoisite, shall act as our comic relief."

Zoisite promptly sweatdropped. "C-comic relief?!? But, Queen Beryl-sama!"

"Silence, Zoicite!" Queen Beryl commanded. "Kunzite is our warrior. Jadeite makes our Youma. Nephrite...
well.... He does have his uses, but certainly not comic relief. You, however, fit that description
perfectly."

Nephrite roared with laughter and Jadeite snickered with amusement as Zoisite pouted. "That's no fair,
Queen Beryl-sama! I have my uses, too!"

"I think you're perfectly suited for the job," Nephrite remarked. "After all, it takes a fool to do a
fool's job."

"Shut up, Nephrite!" Zoisite growled.

"Do you not realize that the villians in every sentai series are required by law to have at least one of
their members designated as comic relief?" Beryl snapped. "I won't allow you to let me lose my
"Megalomaniacal Villian"'s license just because you don't want to act in the manner I have assigned to
you! Is that clear, Zoisite?"

"Perfectly clear, my Queen," Zoisite sighed in defeat.

"Queen Beryl?"

"Yes, Nephrite?" Beryl replied as she turned toward her brown-haired minion.

"There is something I have just now realized," he mentioned as he gestured toward a large castle that
had apparently gone unnoticed by everyone present until now for no logically explainable reason. "There
is a perfectly acceptable castle here that we can use as our base."

"Splendid, Nephrite!"

"There is one more thing, my Queen."

"Yes? What is it?"

"About those two humans that broke the seal that freed us," he continued.

"Oh, yes. I almost forgot about those two. Well, kill them and be done with it."

"Well, there's a problem with that, my Queen."

"What?" Beryl frowned. "What problem?"

"They... sort of... well... escaped while we were dealing with that other group," Nephrite explained as
he pointed toward the fleeing astronauts.

"RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!"

Beryl watched as the two astronauts scrambled into their shuttle, along with the huge moonrock they had
carried with them, and took off in record speed, rocketing toward the Earth at speeds faster than the
craft was designed for.

"Well, they were insignificant little goobers anyway," Beryl said dismissively as she left for her new
castle.

Her four minions exchanged confused and bewildered looks, each mouthing the same word questioningly.
'Goobers?'

"What are you all waiting for? Get moving!"

"Yes, my Queen!"

**********************************************

Now, as we all know, the center of the sentai universe revolves around a designated meeting point,
whether it be a center of recreation, of learning, or the front porch of some shrine way up on a hill in
the middle of a sprawling metropolis.

Hey, it's been done before.

Regardless of location, it is an undocumented, yet widely accepted fact that if the Earth and/or the
Universe needs saving, you may find champions of justice at this location.

Which was why a certain cat-shaped android found himself standing on the corner of 10th St. and
University Ave., passing out flyers in an attempt at recruiting champions of jusice. Of course, his
recruiting attempt might've gone smoother if this was the correct location.

Artemis sighed wearily as another group of passersby laughed at him under their breath. It wasn't his
fault he was here doing this. He was only following orders. Granted, the orders were very strange, but
strange he was used to. After all, being a cat-android was strange enough.

"That's it!" Artemis grumbled as he threw down his stack of flyers irritably. "I don't care if Luna said
I had to do this! This is stupid! No one's gonna willingly become a Sailor Ranger! I guess I've gotta
pick five of them myself."

Just as he was about to teleport away, a hand grabbed his shoulder. "Goin' somewhere, buddy?"

"Huh?" Artemis turned around, coming face to face with a policeman.

"Now, I ain't got nothin' against robots, ya see, but I can't have ya litterin' 'round here," the cop
said in a heavy Kansai accent. "'less you wanna fine?"

"Eh, heh, heh...," the cat-android laughed sheepishly as he quickly gathered up the scattered flyers and
teleported away.

**********************************************

Meanwhile, at the correct designated center of this particular sentai series, a.k.a. Juuban Junior High,
a group of six friends were currently in school.

Mina Aino was not only a champion gymnast, but she was also head of the varsity cheerleading squad. For
both her school AND for Juuban High. No one really knew how she managed that - not even Mina, herself -
but everyone knew for certain that Mina was a damn good cheerleader. In addition to that, she was the
captain of the girl's volleyball team, famous for her almost-killer spike, so named because she almost
killed someone with it. The girl did recover, though, and the charges were dropped.

Lita Kino was captain of the girl's kempo club, as well as the girl's judo club, the girl's karate club,
the girl's wrestling club, the girl's boxing club, and honorary offensive runningback for the boy's
varsity football team. In spite of that, she was the top student in her home ec. class and was a
top-notch chef, to boot.

Lita's brother, Ryoku - who, for some reason, refused to go by his birth name of Jason - was an athelete
very much like his sister. He was captain of the kendo club, the kempo club, the judo club, the karate
club, and was an honorary member of the cheerleading squad due to a certain chain of events, including a
bet with Mina that went horribly, horribly wrong. And yes, they did make him wear the skirt.

Raye Hino was the undisputed Queen of the Campus, though many would not hesitate to add the word 'Drama'
in front of her title. However, they certainly wouldn't do it to her face. Not if they wanted to live.
As a captain of the debate team, her arguing skills were near-legendary, however, the arguments she
would get into with her friend, Serena, were also considered near-legendary.

Amy Mizuno was the school's resident genius, often accredited with an I.Q. of 300 by people who don't
really understand the scoring system. After all, the maximum I.Q. score is 180. She was the school's
librarian, after having given the job by the previous librarian who had suffered one overdue book and
one papercut too many. She was also captain of the chess club, although total membership of that club
consisted of merely herself, a couple of other friends, and Ryoku, who enjoyed his status as an
intelligent jock. Also, although it wasn't official, everyone in the entire school - except for Amy and
Ryoku - knew that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, although the pair denied it every time it was
brought up.

Serena Tsukino was your basic, all-around slacker. She wasn't stupid, but her grades were fairly poor;
not to mention that she was also clumsy, stubborn, sneaky when she wanted to be, and could eat more than
the entire sumo team in one sitting and still have room for desert. Of course, the last part could
explain the times when she would become hyper and overenergetic for very little reason. However one
wished to put it, her metabolism was a thing of evny throughout the entire school. She also was the only
one of her friends to actually have - or rather, keep - a boyfriend. Officially, that is. Though the
reason why Darien Chiba continued to go out with Serena despite all her faults was beyond most of the
student body. And most of the faculty, as well. But since he went to Juuban High as a senior, most
everyone figured that he just liked 'em young.

At this point in time, each one of these six were busy doing one thing or another by themselves.

Mina was in the middle of gym practice, currently in the middle of floor exercises.

Lita was in another section of the school gym, practicing some katas.

Raye was in the girls' locker room, finishing up changing out of her gym clothes and into her school
uniform.

Amy was in the library, as usual.

Ryoku was also in the library.

With Amy.

Doing something besides reading.

Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Say no more.

Serena went to the bathroom.

At any rate, it was at this moment that Artemis had chosen to teleport the five girls. However, due to
the... close proximity between Amy and Ryoku, one unexpected boy was added to the teleporter's manifest.

One by one, each girl appeared in a different colored streak of light; yellow for Mina, black for Lita,
red for Raye, pink for Serena, and blue for Amy. The fact that Ryoku appeared in a streak of green light
did not go unnoticed by Artemis, however, his cat-android mind was on other things.

Like the fact that Mina had been teleported in mid-routine and had backflipped into the wall hard enough
to cause a mild concussion. Or, the fact that Raye had just finished putting on her shoes and
straightened up in time to be kicked in the head by Lita, who hadn't expected a person's head to be in
the way of her kata, and also received a mild concussion. Or, the fact that Serena had already removed
her skirt and was in the process of removing her panties when she realized that she wasn't in the
bathroom anymore. Or, the fact that this caused Serena to shriek and belt the first male she saw, who
happened to be Ryoku, thus causing yet another mild concussion. Or, the fact that no one had noticed
that Amy had been quietly making out with Ryoku before he was belted in the head by Serena.

Yes, it was times like these that he was so glad that he was used to strange things.

"Hey, where are we?" Lita asked as Amy was busy trying to revive Raye, Mina and Ryoku, and Serena was
busy hiding as she put her skirt back on.

"I'm sorry I belted your boyfriend!"

"He's not my boyfriend! We're just friends!"

Artemis sighed and shook his head in vexation as he wobbled forward. "Greetings all. This is the Command
Center. I am Artemis-5, however, you can just call me Artemis."

"Wow! A robot kitty!" Serena squealed in childish delight. "And he walks on his hind legs like a cat,
too!"

"Hey! I'm an android, not a robot!" he shot back, then calmed himself down. "Anyway, I have brought the
five of you-"

"There's six of us," Amy corrected as Mina started coming to.

"Ungh.... Did someone get the license number of that truck?" Mina groaned, gingerly feeling her head
with the hand that wasn't holding her up.

"There was supposed to be five," a female voice echoed in the room. "Everyone knows that a sentai team
consists of five members. It's a union rule." A short pause. "Did you screw up again, Artemis?"

"Hey! I set the teleporter for five people!" he retorted. "It's not my fault I got six people!"

"I guess there's nothing for it," the voice replied as a giant, glowing, disembodied floating cat head
shimmered to life at the far end of the room. "We'll just have to go ahead with what we have."

"Hey, cool!" Lita shouted, pointing at the giant cat head. "That's just like 'Star Wars!'"

"No, no," Amy corrected as she revived Raye and Ryoku. "I think the effect is more like 'The Wizard of
Oz.'" She curiously regarded the chamber Luna's head floated in. "Is there someone inside, projecting
this image overhead? Oh, wait. I'm not supposed to pay attention to the man behind the curtain, right?"

The giant floating cat head produced a sweatdrop that was easily the size of one cat-android. "At any
rate, my name is Luna. I have gathered you girls here because a great evil has awakened."

"Freddy Kruger?" Mina guessed.

"Demons?" Raye guessed.

"Darth Vader?" Lita guessed.

"Teletubbies?" Amy guessed.

"Barney?" Serena guessed and shivered, as did everyone else, including Luna, as impossible as that may
seem.

"Worse," Luna told them.

"More evil than Teletubbies or Barney?!?" Ryoku exclaimed. "Is that possible?"

"Yes. An evil queen from another dimension is trying to conquer the world," Luna explained. "Right now,
there is no one on this planet who can stop them. However, with the transformation coins that we're
about to give you, you five girls will become powerful enough to stand up to Queen Beryl and her
minions."

"Excuse me, but what about me?" Ryoku asked, raising his hand.

"You're just here by accident," Artemis told him. "Though how you got here when I set the teleporter
for five is very strange. I mean, you'd have to be practically inside the other person's clothing in
order to be picked up by someone else's teleport." Artemis scratched his head ponderingly. "Hmm... maybe
the teleporter's malfunctioning, or something."

"Yes, yes!" Amy and Ryoku agreed, nodding emphatically while blushing. "Must be a teleporter
malfunction!"

"Riiiiiight...," everyone, including Artemis and Luna, said knowinging.

"Anyway! Artemis, get the coins," Luna commanded.

"Right," the cat-android acknowledged as he wobbled over to the control panel and pressed a few buttons.
Suddenly, a jeweled box on a table teleported in front of the group. "Now, please open the box and take
your transformation coins. Don't worry. You will know which one to take."

Each of the girls reached into the box and took a coin and curiously examined it. "Hmm...," Amy said as
she judged the weight of the coin in her palm. "It feels too light to be gold. I wonder-" She cut off as
she watched Serena unwrap the golden foil and bite into the exposed chocolate.

"Mmm, delicious!" she said happily.

"What the hell?" Raye exclaimed as she and the other girls unwrapped their coins. "Chocolate coins?!?"

"Artemis!" Luna growled. "Are those my special Swiss chocolate coins that I was saving for a special
occasion?"

"...oops. Wrong box," Artemis laughed sheepishly as the box and table vanished, replaced by a different
box and table. The chocolate coins, however, had already been consumed the moment the phrase 'Swiss
chocolate' had been mentioned.

"Okay, here's the real thing," Artemis said, gesturing toward the box. "I mean it! I'm sure of it!" he
added, noting everyone's skeptic looks.

"I'll take a look," Raye said grumbling as she opened the box and took a coin. "Hey, look," she said,
examining the two sides of the coin. On one side was a picture of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and on the other
side was the symbol for the planet Mars.

"Interesting," Amy said as she took a coin for herself. On one side was a picture of a Triceratops and
on the other side was the symbol for the planet Mercury. "The weight of the coin feels about right for
pure gold."

"Gold? Really?" Mina asked as she grabbed a coin. On one side was the picture of a Saber-toothed Tiger
and on the other side was the symbol for the planet Venus. "Hey, do you think these were made by The
Franklin Mint? I wonder what they'll go for on eBay?"

"Hey, lemme grab one!" Lita said and took a coin as well. On one side was the picture of a Mastodon and
on the other side was the symbol for the planet Jupiter. "What's this? An elephant? I've got a hairy
elephant coin? And the other side looks like a four! This's lame! Can I get a different coin?"

"I guess I get the last one, then," Serena said as she took her coin. On one side was the picture of a
Pterodactyl and on the other side was the symbol for the Moon. "Hey! I've got a funny-looking birdie on
mine!" She looked over the coin carefully. "Aw! It's not chocolate this time!"

"Forget about that!" Luna shouted irritably. "Just raise those coins overhead and say whatever comes to
mind."

"This's lame."

"BESIDES THAT!!!"

Lita jerked back at the vehemence in Luna's voice. "Right!"

"Well, let's try it out," Raye suggested as she stepped forward.

"Do we have to?" Lita moaned, but acquiesced at Raye's glare. "Oh, fine," she grumbled, raising her coin
over her head while the others followed suit. "Jupiter Mastodon Power!"

"Moon Pterodactyl Power!"

"Mercury Triceratops Power!"

"Venus Saber-toothed Tiger Power!"

"Mars Tyrannosaurus Power!"

The five girls were bathed in light, each girl in a different color similar to the one they teleported
in with. When the light show ceased, the girls were each dressed in a combination of a bodysuit with
helmet and a schoolgirl uniform, each uniform in a different color.

"You five are now warriors of love and justice," Luna announced boldly. "You are now Sailor Rangers."

"Wow!" Ryoku said, admiring the girls' new uniforms. "Not bad at all."

"Mmph. Mmrfph? Mrrphfrph!"

"Hmmm.... I guess it must be hard to speak with those helmets on, huh?"

"Mmph mmrffph MMRRFPH!"

"I don't know. I don't think the helmets quite go with the outfit. Have you tried taking them off?"

"MMMMMMRRRRRRRPPPPPHHHHH!"

"Oh," Ryoku said, sweatdropping as he noticed that the girls were struggling to do just that. "Sorry. I
didn't realize. Maybe if you.... Got it!"

The helmet popped open on the first girl, allowing Mina her first breath of fresh air. "Gaaah! Are these
things child-proof or something?!?" she exclaimed, slamming her helmet on the floor.

"Air!!!" Lita gasped as her helmet clattered to the floor. "Huh? Why the hell am I wearing black?!?"

"SAVED!" Serena gasped as well as she sat down on the floor and examined her uniform. "Yay! I got pink!
I'm so happy!"

"Oh, shut up," Lita growled as Ryoku popped Raye's and Amy's helmets off as well.

"Are you trying to kill us?!?" Raye shouted fiercely.

"I don't think these helmets have any air vents," Amy said as she studied her helmet.

As one, the girls and Ryoku all glared at Artemis and Luna.

"Eh, heh, heh...," Artemis laughed nervously. "Oops."

"Artemis, you idiot," Luna sighed. "Look, you need to wear the helmets, otherwise you'll be recognized.
No one can know your true identities. Otherwise, the enemy will be able to attack you at any time."

"Well, maybe you can drill some air holes into the helmets, or something," Ryoku suggested.

"Good idea," Artemis agreed. "You know how to work a drill?"

"Eh? Who me?"

**********************************************

"Jadeite! What is the status of my Youma army?" Beryl bellowed from her throne.

"I've hit a bit of a snag, my Queen," he began as he bowed before her. "The lighter gravity of the Moon
seems to be making my Youma come out weaker than they're supposed to be. However, they are usable for
the weak humans on the Earth. The problem is that if our foes have awakened as well...."

"Are you kidding?" Beryl scoffed. "I destroyed Serenity a millennium ago! I got her and her little cat,
too! Eh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!

"Anyway," she continued after regaining her composure, "I want you to release what Youma you do have to
Kunzite and get to work on creating stronger Youma."

"Yes, my Queen," he replied. "I just need to procure stronger materials than the base I'm using now." He
grimaced back at the large pile of empty yellow plastic tubs next to his workbench, each tub with
identical red labels on it with the name "Play-Doh" printed in large, friendly white letters.

"See to it, Jadeite," she granted. "Nephrite, I want you to go down to Earth and locate stronger
building materials for Jadeite's Youma."

"My Queen, I have already consulted the stars in search for a substance stronger than Play-Doh,"
Nephrite reported with a respectful bow. "They have given me a name of an incredibly powerful substance."

"What is it, Nephrite?"

"I believe it is called 'Silly Putty', my Queen," Nephrite told her.

"Silly Putty?"

"Yes, my Queen."

"Very well. Nephrite, I want you and Zoisite to down to Earth and collect all the Silly Putty you can
find."

Nephrite winced. "But, my Queen! Didn't you assign Zoisite to act as our comic relief?"

Queen Beryl glanced over to her right where Zoisite was dressed up in a grey, monochrome jester's
outfit, complete with curly shoes. "Yes, but the amount of Silly Putty needed to take over the world is
grand, Nephrite. You will need help."

"I'd rather ask the Play-Doh Youma for help," he grumbled under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

"Good. Now, go!"

"Queen Beryl-sama, can I at least change out of this outfit first?"

"Very well, Zoisite. But, remember your role!"

Zoisite sighed heavily. "Yes, Queen Beryl-sama," he sighed and disappeared after Nephrite.

"Kunzite, you will take our new Youma army and begin the first wave of our attack," Beryl commanded.
"Our first target is here!" she stated, pointing at a map of Tokyo. "Tokyo Disneyland!"

"Are you sure, my Queen?" Kunzite asked. "Wouldn't an attack on downtown Tokyo be more effective and
in-genre?"

Beryl regarded him thoughtfully. "I suppose you're right. Very well, then. Attack the downtown Azabu
Juuban district instead!"

"Yes, my Queen!" he bowed and teleported away.

**********************************************

[eyecatch: Mighty Henshin Sailor Rangers]

[Quick montage of each Sailor Ranger's transformation sequence, followed by the show's logo.]

[Commercial]

(Scene opens up with a young woman seated in front of a very futuristic-looking computer. The computer
seems to be translucent and consists of only two panels, one for the keyboard and the other for the
display. Neither panel seems to be connected to the other, nor do they seem to be touching the ground.
In fact, they just seem to be floating in midair, undisturbed my the young woman's constant typing. As
for the woman herself, she seems to be quite young with a very long shock of red hair, waist-length,
held back by a blue headband. Her clothing seems quite simple, almost scholarly. As she quietly types
away at her computer, a diminuitive being, clothed in green, almost Greco-Roman style armor with a broom
sticking out of his helmet, quickly waddles up to her as a humorously whimsical, yet slightly dissonant,
little ditty plays in the background.)

Diminuitive being:
Excuse me, but I am looking for an Eludyium PU-32 explosive space modulator.

Red-head scientist:
[grinning as she hands him a long red cylinder] Here you go. By the way, since this is a very
old and inefficient model, I took the liberty of adding a few modifications here and there. Enjoy!

Diminuitive being:
[happily] Oh, goodie! [waddles away accompanied by a humorously whimsical, yet slightly
dissonant little ditty]

(Scene cuts to far away shot of the planet Mars, where the entire planet suddenly blows up, leaving only
a tiny boulder wide enough for the Diminuitive Being to stand on. He is currently looking quite
disheveled and covered mostly in soot.)

Diminuitive being:
.... *cough*

Voice-over:
[deadpan] Don't ask Washu-chan. Ask Jeeves.

(Scene cuts to the Ask Jeeves logo.)

Washu:
But, I'm the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe!

[End Commercial]

[eyecatch: Mighty Henshin Sailor Rangers]

[Quick montage of each Sailor Ranger in civilian ID, including Ryoku, each fighting Play-Doh Youma in
their own style, followed by the show's logo.]

**********************************************

An alarm suddenly started wailing, causing everyone's attention to shift to the flashing lights by the
control panel.

"It's an attack!" Artemis exclaimed as he wobbled over to the control panel and started fiddling with
the knobs and switches.

"Everyone, behold the viewing globe," Luna said sagely.

Ryoku finished up drilling the holes in the last helmet, he joined the Sailor Rangers in staring at the
viewing globe. "Is it on?" he asked. "It looks like there's nothing but snow."

"It's a snowglobe!" Serena said as she stepped forward, picked up the globe, and started shaking it.

"Hey! Don't shake that!" Artemis shouted and accidentally pushed the wrong button, causing a video feed
to display.

"Yes! Yes! Oh, yes! Give it... to me! YES!!!"

"AAACK!" Artemis exclaimed as he struggled to figure out which button he pushed on accident.

"What the heck?" Raye exclaimed.

"Woah.... Is that even physically possible?" Serena asked, staring in astonishment.

"Aren't we a bit underage to be seeing this?" Lita asked.

"You gotta problem with it?" Mina inquired.

"No, just making idle conversation," Lita said as she brought out a large tub of popcorn.

"Hey, where'd you get that?" Serena asked.

"Ryoku," she replied between mouthfuls. "He's surprisingly resourceful when it comes to things like
this. Mmm! Kettle corn!"

"Got it!" Artemis said as the video feed cut off.

"Awww!" all of the Sailor Rangers pouted simultaneously. Amy quickly put away the pad of paper before
anyone could catch her with it.

"All right, everyone. Look at the viewing globe now," Artemis prompted.

In the globe, an image of different colored figures, each with identical builds, were rampaging around
the downtown Azabu Juuban area, smashing windows, tipping over cars, crushing mailboxes, flipping
women's skirts, taking candy from babies, and generally making a nuisance of themselves.

"So, Juuban's getting attacked by drunk college students?" Ryoku inquired.

"NO!" Luna barked irritably. "That's the enemy!"

"You gotta be kidding me," Raye said, getting quite vexed. "You mean, we gotta go out and take care of
this mess?"

"Affirmative," Artemis stated.

"No way."

"Well, judging by the direction of the path of destruction, I believe that Juuban Junior High is one of
the next targets to be hit," Luna added. "Not to mention that most of your homes are also in this path."

"Well, since you put it that way...," Raye amended. "Are our helmets ready to go, Ryoku?"

"Ready," he replied, tossing the helmets to their respective owners.

The Sailor Rangers quickly donned their helmets and found that they could now breathe through them.
"Thanks, Ryoku," the Red Sailor Ranger said gratefully.

"No problem. Have fun out there," he said, waving as the five Sailor Rangers teleported away in five
streaks of different colored light. "So, I guess I just get to watch, then?" he asked, jerking a thumb at
the viewing globe.

"It's not really that bad," Artemis told him. "We just got cable a few weeks ago."

"Cool," he said as he leaned against the table with the jeweled box, unintentionally bumping the box off
the table. "Oops...."

The box tumbled down to the floor and hit hard enough to jar loosen the cushioning, causing a golden coin
to come rolling out of the box.

"Hey, there it is!" Artemis exclaimed as he picked up the coin. "I thought we lost this coin a long time
ago." He then tossed the coin over to Ryoku. "Here. I think this's yours."

Ryoku deftly snatched the coin out of the air. On one side was the picture of what he thought was
possibly a dragon's scale and on the other side was a symbol that looked like a combination of the
symbol for the planet Earth and the symbol for the Moon with a pair of crossed swords behind them. "So I
guess I can transform, too, then, hmm?"

"You must hurry," Luna urged. "The other Sailor Rangers may need your help."

"This seems kinda convenient to me, you know?" Ryoku mentioned. "Besides, shouldn't I be showing up
mysteriously, just in the nick of time to help my friends when they need it most, or something like that?"

"Who cares? Just transform and go, dammit!" Luna shouted impatiently.

"Fine, fine. It just feels like I'm doing someone else's shtick." He raised his coin overhead. "Knight
Dragonzord Power!"

**********************************************

The five Sailor Rangers teleported down onto one of the major crossroads of downtown Azabu Juuban and
were about to rush in to stop the Play-Doh Youma when a sixth Sailor Ranger - one thankfully combined
with a schoolboy's outfit, rather than a schoolgirl's outfit - appeared before them.

"Wait a minute!" the Red Sailor Ranger said pointing at the newly arrived green Sailor Ranger. "Who the
heck are you?"

"No time to explain," the Green Sailor Ranger said, nodding quickly. "The enemy is about to close in on
us." He dramatically pointed behind them at the horde of Play-Doh Youma converging on them.

"AAH!" the Pink Sailor Ranger exclaimed and cowered behind a nearby tree. "Do you mean, we gotta fight
those things?"

"You got it," the Red Sailor Ranger said, nodding her head. "Everyone, let's get to it."

"Right!" all the Sailor Rangers agreed and nodded, except for the Pink Sailor Ranger, who was still
cowering behind the tree. The Green Sailor Ranger promptly gave the Pink Sailor Ranger a swift kick in
the butt, causing her to yelp as she jumped to her feet.

"Uh, right!" she acknowledged with a sharp nod, pausing only to gingerly rub her bottom where she was
kicked.

As a group, the six Sailor Rangers all began taking on small groups of Play-Doh Youma. Surprisingly
enough, the Youma showed little to no close-quarters combat capability, so the battle really wasn't that
hard.

The Black Sailor Ranger barreled through groups of Youma, displaying a high competency of the martial
arts. The Pink Sailor Ranger mostly dodged the Youma's attacks, but the manner in which she dodged was
highly erratic and very awkward; her motions almost matching that of a man in a drunken stupor. The Blue
Sailor Ranger moved very cautiously and defensively, displaying a surprising knowledge of Aikido. The
Yellow Sailor Ranger practically danced about the battlefield, using her gymnast skills combined with
an astonishing display of advanced Capoeira moves. The Red Sailor Ranger mentally thanked herself for
those years she took studying Tae Kwon Do as she quickly took down one Youma after the next, each kick
swift and powerful. The Green Sailor Ranger mostly stood his ground as he took down Youma upon Youma
using the same style of martial arts as the Black Sailor Ranger, only with a slightly higher degree of
skill.

"Hey, wait a second," the Green Ranger said as the last Play-Doh Youma hit the ground and disappeared.
"How come all of you know martial arts all of a sudden? I'm sure half of you didn't before now."

As a group, all five female Sailor Rangers collectively shrugged. "Your guess is as good as ours."

Despite having a helmet on, the Green Sailor Ranger sweatdropped. "I see...."

"A most impressive display," a caped figure said as he suddenly appeared. "However, you were only
dealing with substandard Youma. As I speak, we are gathering materials in order to create even stronger
Youma." The man smirked. "But that doesn't really matter, as I will be the one to destroy you all, right
here!"

"So, who's this guy?" the Black Ranger asked, jerking a thumb back toward the new arrival.

"Beats me," the Yellow Ranger replied, shrugging demonstratively.

"Well, he did say that he wanted to destroy us," the Blue Ranger mentioned. "I'm quite sure that he's
the one who's in charge of all those Youma we destroyed."

"No kidding," the Red Ranger said as she stepped forward and pointed at the caped figure. "Hey! Don't
you know it's impolite not to introduce yourself?" she declared, nodding.

"Yeah!" the other Sailor Rangers added, all nodding as well.

"Very well. I am Kunzite, General of the Dark Kingdom and first under Queen Beryl's command!" the caped
figure announced, letting his cape flap dramatically, despite the fact that there wasn't any wind
present.

"Hey, how's he doing that?" the Yellow Ranger asked, nodding her head at Kunzite.

"Doing what?" the Green Ranger asked, nodding back.

"His cape's flapping, but there's no wind," she replied, nodding again.

"Maybe he's doing it for show?" the Pink Ranger suggested, nodding as well.

"You think so?" the Black Ranger asked, nodding.

"Yeah," the Pink Ranger nodded.

The Black Ranger nodded.

The Yellow Ranger nodded.

The Green Ranger nodded.

The Blue Ranger nodded.

The Red Ranger nodded.

Kunzite nodded.

**********************************************

At a Silly Putty factory somewhere in Osaka, both Nephrite and Zoisite nodded.

*jingle, jingle* "But why do I have to keep on wearing this stupid outfit?!?" *jingle, jingle*

**********************************************

On the Moon, Queen Beryl nodded.

Then Jadeite nodded, accidently dropping his newest Silly Putty Youma into the trash compactor. Which
just happened to turn on once the Youma fell in.

"Ah! Mr. Bill!"

"Oooooh, nooooooo!"

**********************************************

Back at the command center, Artemis and Luna nodded.

**********************************************

Somewhere back in school, Darien nodded. He then proceeded to wonder why the author had waited until
now to introduce him, as it was getting pretty late in the chapter.

**********************************************

On the couch back in the Zero Reality, both the hooded figure and Jason nodded.

"Don't you think this gag's been going on long enough?" Jason asked.

"Maybe you should get back to the story, then," the figure suggested.

"Oh. Right."

**********************************************

"All right," the Red Ranger said, holding up both hands for emphasis. "I now call 'No More Excessive
Nodding' even if it is 'in-genre.'"

"Agreed," everyone present, including Kunzite, agreed.

"Now that that matter is settled, we will not allow you to take over our city, Kunzite!" she shouted,
dramatically pointing again.

"Try and stop me," he replied as he drew his sword and rushed the group of Sailor Rangers. The Sailor
Rangers bravely tried to fend off Kunzite's attacks, but were severely underpowered.

"Is this the best you can throw at me?" he laughed, brandishing his sword triumphantly at the prone
Sailor Rangers. "You might as well just go home!"

"Sailor Rangers, come in!" a tinny voice screeched from each Sailor Ranger's right wrist.

"Artemis?" the Red Ranger replied.

"You need to call on your weapons to fight Kunzite!" he explained urgently.

"Weapons?" she repeated questiongly as she and the other Sailr Rangers stood up. "What weapons? You never
mentioned any weapons!"

"...oops."

"Arrrteeeeeemiiiiiiis!!!"

"I'm sorry! I forgot!" the cat-android's voice shouted penitently. "Look, you should be able to
instinctively summon your weapons into your hands. Then, you'll have the power you need to defeat
Kunzite!"

"All right, then," the Red Ranger said as she turned toward the other Sailor Rangers. "You heard the
cat-robot!"

"Cat-ANDROID!"

She chose to ignore the tinny voice. "Everyone, arm up!"

The Green Ranger reached up and drew a green elaborate-looking sword out of nowhere with holes that
looked like they belonged on a recorder and a mouthpiece on the hilt. "Holes? Why does my sword have
holes in it?"

The Black Ranger reached up and drew a large, black metal axe out of nowhere. "Look, I know I'm tall and
very strong for a girl, but do you have to rub it in?!?" The axe suddenly changed into a metal staff.
"Well, I guess that'll do. Thanks."

The Pink Ranger reached up and drew a metal, pink-colored frisbee out of nowhere. "Yay! It's a frisbee!"
She paused for a moment. "How far do you think this thing'll go if it's made of metal?"

The Blue Ranger reached up and drew a blue, metal composite bow from out of nowhere. "Um... where're the
arrows?"

The Yellow Ranger reached up and drew a yellow whip from out of nowhere. "OH, YEAH! YOU WILL CALL ME
QUEEN!" she shouted, cracking her whip while laughing audaciously. "Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!"

'Mina's scary...,' all the other Sailor Rangers thought with a shiver.

The Red Ranger reached up and drew a large red harisen from out of nowhere. "What?" she exclaimed and
opened up the fan, where the words 'Akuryo Taisan' were written in Kanji. "You've gotta be kidding me!
What the hell is this?!?"

"Are you finally ready to offer a real fight?" Kunzite taunted as he rushed forward once again. This
time, the General was hard pressed to keep up with the Sailor Rangers' attacks. He ducked under a
combined attack from the Green and Black Rangers' sword and staff, while dodging the Blue Ranger's
arrows - which she finally learned to make appear by mental command - and Pink Ranger's frisbee. However,
he did get caught up in the Yellow Ranger's whip, which gave the Red Ranger the perfect opportunity to
whap him over the head with her harisen.

"What is this, some sort of slapstick comedy routine?" Kunzite grumbled as he stood back up again.

"This isn't working," the Blue Ranger said suddenly. "Maybe we should try combining our weapons?"

"What? What makes you think that'll work?" the Red Ranger inquired.

"This," she said, pointing to the small writing on her bow next to what seemed to be parts of an
interlock system. The writing looked like it said 'Slot B'.

"Well, what the heck," the Red Ranger sighed irritably. "We might as well give it a shot.

"Power Harisen!" the Red Ranger shouted, unfolding her fan widely and tossing it up horizontally in the
air, handle forward.

"Power Whip!" the Yellow Ranger shouted, tossing her coiled whip up to where it connected with the top
half of the harisen, forming a sort of handle.

"Power Bow!" the Blue Ranger shouted, tossing her bow up to where it fused with the bottom half of the
harisen, pointing forward as well.

"Power Frisbee!" the Pink Ranger shouted, tossing her frisbee up to where it fused with the harisen near
where the bow was fused.

"Power Staff!" the Black Ranger shouted, taking her staff apart at the middle and tossing both halves up
to fuse with the two sides of the top half of the harisen and the bow, one on each side.

The Green Ranger shrugged, as his weapon wasn't compatible with the other five.

The combined weapon came back down into the Red Rangers hands, after which she pointed the weapon toward
their foe. "Get ready, Kunzite!" she stated as the other Sailor Rangers gathered beside their leader.

"Fire!" all five shouted as the weapon fired a multicolored beam of energy at the General, which struck
him dead on.

"Ow," Kunzite muttered after the beam struck, leaving the top part of his uniform covered in soot.

**********************************************

"Damn that Kunzite!" Queen Beryl growled furiously as she watched the battle in her crystal ball. "Can't
he do anything right? Jadeite! Isn't my new Youma ready yet?"

"I still don't have enough Silly Putty, my Queen," Jadeite reported. "However, I have finished the new
magic growth balls you wanted me to create," he added, presenting a pair of balls to her.

"Give me those!" she exclaimed, grabbing Jadeite's balls. She rushed over to the balcony and faced the
Earth. "Magic ball, make my Kunzite grow!!!" she intoned, throwing one of the balls down toward Earth.

**********************************************

The magic ball rocketed down toward the battlefield where it conked Kunzite in the head, knocking him
flat on his face.

"Ow."

The ball burst on contact, dousing him in a clear liquid. The liquid caused the General to grow at an
incredible rate, allowing him to clear the downtown Tokyo skyline.

"Holy crap...," the Green Ranger muttered.

"Okay, O Glorious Leader, what now?" the Black Ranger inquired sarcastically.

"Hey! Artemis!" the Red Ranger shouted into her wrist. "You better have something we can use in a
situation like this!"

"Sailor Rangers, you need to call on your Zords!" Artemis explained.

"Zords? What the hell are Zords?" the Black Ranger asked impatiently.

"Hey, wasn't there an anime about them recently?" the Yellow Ranger interrupted.

"That was 'Zoids,'" the Green Ranger replied dryly.

"Ah."

"Can we get back to the matter at hand?!?" the Red Ranger exclaimed heatedly.

"Sorry," the Yellow and Green Rangers replied.

"The Zords can be summoned the same way that you summon your weapons," Artemis explained. "You must
hurry, Sailor Rangers!"

"So, we just call on them by mental command?" the Blue Ranger supposed.

"I guess that's about right," the Red Ranger replied. "At any rate, let's do it!"

"I call upon the Mastodon!" the Black Ranger shouted, thrusting her hand into the air. From the frozen
wastes of the far North, a large black Mastodon mecha with the symbol for Jupiter on its sides stampeded
out of hiding.

"I call upon the Pterodactyl!" the Pink Ranger shouted, also thrusting her hand into the air. From the
dormant volcano of Mt. Fuji, a large pink Pterodactyl mecha with the symbol for the Moon on its chest
shot out into the sky.

"I call upon the Triceratops!" the Blue Ranger shouted, thrusting her hand into the air as well. From the
deserts to the far West, a large blue Triceratops mecha with the symbol for Mercury on its sides ambled
on toward its destination.

"I call upon the Saber-toothed Tiger!" the Yellow Ranger shouted, thrusting her hand into the air, the
same as those who had gone before her. From the forests in the contryside, a large yellow Saber-toothed
Tiger mecha with the symbol for Venus on its sides burst out from its hiding place within the trees.

"I call upon the Tyrannosaurus!" the Red Ranger shouted, also thrusting her hand into the air because it
worked for everyone else and she really didn't want to feel left out. From the mountainous regions of the
Gunma prefecture, a large red Tyrannosaurus mecha with the symbol for Mars on its sides lumbered out from
the mountains.

"I call upon the Dragonzord!" the Green Ranger shouted, thrusting his hand into the air as well.

Crickets chirped as nothing happened.

"I think your Zord is defective," the Pink Ranger remarked as she and the other Sailor Rangers teleported
into their Zords.

"Maybe your Zord is summoned differently," the Blue Ranger suggested. "After all, your weapon is
different from ours, so perhaps the same applies to your Zord?"

"Why don't these things come with intruction manuals?" the Green Ranger grumbled as he glanced down at
his sword. The blade still reminded him of a recorder. "Hmm...," he mused and brought the mouthpiece on
the hilt to his lips.

Or rather, tried to as his lips were currently inside his helmet. "Crap!" he grumbled as his fingers ran
over the holes on the blade. Oddly enough, music started playing from the blade, despite the fact that no
air was blowing through it.

"Hmph. Convenient enough. Works for me," he shrugged as he continued playing the sword-recorder. As he
played, a large green dragon-like mecha surfaced from underneath the docks at Hinode Pier. The same
symbol that was on his transformation coin also appeared on the dragon mecha's chest.

An attempt to teleport inside the mecha made the Green Ranger realize something. "What gives? I can't get
in!"

"Just a moment," the Red Ranger replied as she settled in behind her console. "All right, Sailor Rangers!
Let's combine our mecha into something that can fight Kunzite!"

"How do we do that?" the Pink Ranger asked.

"See that button that says 'Combine into Sailorzord' on your console?" she replied dryly.

"Oh," the Pink Ranger said sheepishly, while everyone else sweatdropped, including the mecha.

"According to the manual," the Blue Ranger said as she flipped through the owner's manual she had found
in the glove compartment, "our transformation coins can be transformed into crystals that will give our
Zords the power to combine into Sailorzord. Once we create the crystals, we can insert them into the slot
above the 'Combine' button, which will power our transformation."

"Everyone got that?" the Red Ranger asked.

"Right!" everyone confirmed.

"Then, power up your crystals!" she ordered as she brought out her transformation coin and caused a
crystal to appear by touching the coin with her opposite hand and extending it away from the coin while
focusing on making the crystal. The other Sailor Rangers managed to follow the same process at the same
time, after which, everyone plunged their crystals into the indicated slots and hit the 'Combine' button.

The five Zords suddenly started converging onto one point where, after a series of rearraging parts and
limbs and appendages and such, they managed to transform into a thirty-story 1964 Chevy Impala.

"What the hell is this?!?" the Red Ranger exclaimed incredulously.

"Whoops! I put my crystal in backward," the Pink Ranger replied.

"Well, FIX IT!!!" the other Sailor Rangers shouted irritably.

"Right!" the Pink Ranger acknowledged and fixed the crystal.

A second button push later, the five Zords recombined into a thirty-story humanoid mecha in heavy armor.

"Hey! I finally figured out what's wrong with my mecha!" the Green Ranger reported from their
communications speaker. "My mecha's remote-controlled! I can control him using my sword and by mental
command.

"Anyway, ready to take Kunzite down?" the Green Ranger suggested.

"Ready!" the other five Sailor Rangers replied.

Meanwhile, Kunzite noticed that the two Zords were now approaching him. He carefully set down his
giant-sized book of "How to Destroy Superheroes for Dummies" and stood up, dusting the specks of debris
from sitting on one of the smaller buildings off of his cape. "So, are you two finally ready to fight?"
he taunted, bringing out his sword again.

"You won't defeat us!" the Red Ranger declared as she lead the Sailorzord forward to attack with the
Dragonzord supporting.

"Missle barrage!" the Green Ranger shouted as he played his sword-recorder. The Dragonzord's hands sunk
into its body, where ten missles were loaded into each of the ten fingers. Once the hands came back out,
all ten missles fired.

And all ten missles missed.

And all ten missles hit random cars, buses, buildings, and the occasional statue of Colonel Sanders.

"Oops."

"Here, let us show you how it's done!" the Red Ranger said as the Sailorzord rushed into the attack,
punching and kicking at it's opponent. Kunzite merely dodged or blocked each of the blows, and struck
back, knocking the Sailorzord into one of the taller buildings, knocking it down.

"Oops. I think we broke their building," the Pink Ranger pointed out.

"I know we broke their building!" the Red Ranger retorted. "We don't have time to worry about that right
now!"

The Dragonzord rushed to its ally's aid, attacking with claw and tail swipes. The attacks were somewhat
more effective than Sailorzord's attacks, but marginally so.

"Summon the Power Sword!" the Yellow Ranger suggested.

"What Power Sword?" the Black Ranger inquired.

"What do you mean?" she shot back. "This's a sentai series, right? So our giant robot's got to have a
giant sword!"

"You've said some weird things before, but that actually makes some sense," the Red Ranger remarked. "All
right everyone, let's do it!"

A large sword suddenly dropped out of the sky and slammed into the ground point first. Sailorzord ambled
over to the blade and pulled it out of the ground just in time to catch the Dargonzord as Kunzite threw
the Zord into it.

"Hey, watch where you're being thrown!" the Red Ranger snapped.

"Excuse me, then," the Green Ranger retorted in a slightly vexed tone. "Maybe we should try
double-teaming him?" he suggested.

"Sounds good," she replied. "We'll lead."

"Got it."

The newly-armed Sailorzord rushed in and clashed swords with Kunzite, while the Dragonzord circled around
and struck from the rear. The combined attack was starting to wear down Kunzite, who was slowing starting
to take more hits from the slower Sailorzord and Dragonzord.

"He's almost finished!" the Blue Ranger pointed out. "We should combine with the Dragonzord so can
deliver the final blow!"

"Oh, you would love to 'combine' with the Green Ranger's 'Zord', wouldn't you?" the Yellow Ranger said
insinuatingly.

"I told you, he's NOT my boyfriend!!!"

"Enough, already!" the Red Ranger snapped. "Let's just do this and get it over with. I've had enough
weirdness for one day."

"Agreed," the other Sailor Rangers all replied with a quick nod.

"Then, let's combine with the Dragonzord to form Super Sailorzord!" she commanded.

The Dragonzord split itself in half, except for the head and slowly lowered itself onto the Sailorzord as
a cowl. Inside Super Sailorzord, a sixth chair rose from underneath the floor as the Green Ranger
teleported aboard.

"Everyone ready?" the Red Ranger asked.

"Ready!" came the unanimous reply.

"Power up Super Sailorzord!"

Power began to gather amongst the ten fingers of the Dragonzord-cowl and the Power Sword in Super
Sailorzord's hands.

"Fire!" all six Sailor Rangers shouted at once as a barrage of energy fire pummeled Kunzite. A final
burst of energy was about to strike him when he was suddenly teleported away. The blast harmlessly struck
a commercial building behind where he was standing and blew it up instead.

"We won!" the Yellow Ranger cheered.

"You call this a victory?" the Black Ranger asked, gesturing toward all the rubble around them.

"I guess you can say it's better this city suffers, rather than the entire world suffers," the Green
Ranger remarked. "This still sucks, though."

"I think we should call this a day," the Red Ranger added.

"I agree," the Blue Ranger replied. "Besides, there's that test tomorrow that we need to study for."

"Aw, did you have to remind me about that?" the Pink Ranger whined.

Meanwhile, Luna and Artemis listened to this conversation and sighed tiredly. "Maybe we should consider
that backup plan, after all," Luna said, slightly dismayed at the Sailor Rangers' performance.

"I really wish we hadn't decided on using junior high school students," Artemis lamented. "I'm sure high
school students would've been better."

"We're stuck with what we've got, Artemis," Luna said sadly. "We can only hope things get better as time
goes on."

**********************************************

Three months later....


Six different colored streaks of light appeared in the middle of the command center, each solidifying
into their respective Sailor Ranger. "Luna, what's going on?" Raye inquired, steping forward
dramatically.

"Oh, Sailor Rangers! Thank goodness you're here!" Artemis exclaimed as he wobbled forward as he always
did. "There's big trouble!"

The group, as one, turned from the wobbling cat-android to regard the giant floating cat head. "Sailor
Rangers, Queen Beryl has sent another Youma to attack the city."

"Again?" Lita complained. "That's gotta be what? The third one this week?"

"Oh, that's gonna so mess up my cheerleader practice today," Mina moaned.

"But, I've gotta date with Mamo-chan!" Serena exclaimed.

"Who?" the other girls asked.

"I mean, Darien," Serena corrected. "Come on! It's hard to keep track of which names we're going by when
everyone keeps on switching them on us!"

"Quit complaining!" Raye snapped. "You and Amy the only ones with boyfriends, so you've got no right to
be making complaints."

"WE'RE NOT DATING!!!" Amy and Ryoku exclaimed heatedly.

"Methinks they doth protest too much," Mina said, wiggling her eyebrows insinuatingly.

"EXCUSE ME!" Luna shouted, interrupting the group. "Now do I have your attention?" she asked, sounding
slightly satisfied at seeing the Sailor Rangers jump a good six feet off the ground. "Now, there's a
Youma attacking the city. You're going to fight it. Any questions?"

"How does the city manage to rebuild itself so quickly after a Youma battle?" Raye asked.

"How does the city manage to fund its extensive reconstruction?" Amy asked.

"How come your head's all fuzzy like that?" Mina asked.

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?" Serena asked.

"Does the viewing globe get Cartoon Network or the Anime Network?" Ryoku asked.

"Why do I gotta be the Black Ranger?" Lita asked. "I'm supposed to be Green. My Senshi colors are green
and pink. Not black. Pink and green are nowhere near black. Whose idea was this anyway? I wanna speak
with my agent."

"Just transform and go, dammit," Luna grumbled.

"All right!" Raye shouted. "Everyone, transform!"

"Hey, wait!" Serena interrupted. "How come you're the leader, Raye?"

"Simple. I'm the Red Ranger. Therefore, I'm the leader."

"But, I'm supposed to be the leader!"

"You wanted to be the Pink Ranger, Serena," Raye told her. "You got it. Now, shut up and transform."

"Fine," Serena grumbled. "But, I'm the leader next time."

"Jupiter Mastodon Power!"

"Moon Pterodactyl Power!"

"Mercury Triceratops Power!"

"Venus Saber-toothed Tiger Power!"

"Mars Tyrannosaurus Power!"

"Knight Dragonzord Power!"

After the Sailor Rangers transformed and teleported away, Luna gave a sigh of relief. "Artemis, please
tell me again why I gave them those transformation coins."

"You were asleep for over a thousand years, Luna," Artemis explained as he wobbled over to one of the
control panels and activate the viewing globe. "I don't think all your mental facilities were completely
online at the time."

"I guess you might be right...."

"That would also explain why you made me walk on my hind legs when you know that cats are four-legged
creatures," Artemis grumbled. "I look so stupid wobbling about like this."

"Don't complain, Artemis. At least you have a body. All I've got is a head. Do you know how much that
sucks? I've had this itch on my nose for the last six weeks and I've never been able to scratch it!
It's enough to drive a person mad!"

Despite being a cat-android, Artemis managed to sweatdrop.

"So, what is the progress on our backup plan?" Luna inquired.

Artemis moved a few knobs and switches. "I believe he'll be ready to go in two days," he reported with
some relief.

"Excellent," Luna said, mirroring Artemis' relief. "And how's our volunteer?"

"He's responding well," he replied.

"Good," she said, nodding. "The last thing I want is for him to start becoming as weird and unstable as
our other Sailor Rangers. After all, high school students are supposed to be more mature than junior high
students, right?"

"I hope so," Artemis said, adjusting the image on the viewing globe to display a new Sailor Ranger in a
white uniform.

"By the way, where'd that rose in his hand come from?" she asked, noting the flower in his right hand.

"I have no idea," the cat-android replied.

**********************************************

"Well, that was sufficiently weird," the hooded figure remarked.

"Yeah. Ain't it great?" Jason said, grinning childishly. "Hey, wanna try something else?"

"All right, then. I say we stay with Sailor Moon for the time being. What's your choice?"

"Hmm...," Jason said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Oh, I know! I choose Captain Planet."

The root beer bottle descended, smacking the TV hard enough for the picture to change to snow. The TV
fizzled for a moment, then changed channels again.

**********************************************

Author's Note: And so, the insanity truly begins! Channel 01 is complete! I've got a few more ideas for
other Channels, but if you've got a crossover idea you'd like me to write out, let me know. The address
for the LJ where I'm taking requests is in the Preview chapter, a.k.a. the Prologue. I hope you enjoy the
other chapters when they come out.

Disclaimer: All original materials belong to their respective owners. No copyright infringement is
intended. This story belongs me, so I would appreciate it very much if you would ask for permission
before posting it anywhere else. Thank you.

Copyright © 2005 Jason C. Ulloa.
All Rights Reserved.