Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Coffee, Sandboxes, and Psychedelic Flowers ❯ Coffee, Sandboxes, and Psychedelic Flowers ( One-Shot )

Author's Note: Rated PG13 for Lunacy

Just a little something I typed up when I was bored and hyper and had nothing better to do. ^^; Anyway. One of my few humor fics. Severe Usagi, Mamoru, and Chibi-Usa bashing. Yeah, baby. This is a bash fic. XD I enjoy bashing them. What can I say? I also wanted to show the side of the Outers that is barely exposed. We all see them as the most perfect, most spotless, rich, most elegant family. Well, let's just say that we all have our imperfections. XD I love the Outers to bits, but I just felt like torturing them. Sorry. It was fun though. I couldn't really figure out what to do to Michiru though. She just doesn't seem to have a silly side. Odd how I can say that about Michiru, but still find the insanity in even Setsuna… Hey, Setsuna's gotta crack some time, right? I mean, all she does is stand at the gates of time. So I figure, the girl's gotta go nuts some day. But I really couldn't find what to do with Michiru though. She's too perfect, and pretty, and elegant. And she's too…Michiru. Whatever. Anyway…Enjoy.


WhiteTiger19291@aol.com



Haruka was bored. So very bored. So she decided to run out with Michiru's check book and buy a new car. Unfortunately for Michiru, the car was a Ferrari. Haruka walked up to the car salesman.

"You have a Ferrari here, by chance?" she asked.

The man nodded and brought her to the Ferraris. Haruka then proceeded to purchase a black Ferrari Millennium Testarossa. She then drove it over to the auto paint shop…to have little bunnies and psychedelic flowers painted onto it.

Setsuna sat at the kitchen table, elbows on the top, peering intently into her mug of coffee. She pondered the mysteries of the universe and time and space, while gazing lovingly into the brown depths of the Maxwell House coffee. Setsuna lifted the mug to her crimson lips, drinking the hot coffee. Her eyes widened and she began to giggle.

"CAFFEINE!" she screeched, laughing maniacally.

She jumped onto the table, dancing like a drunk monkey.

"THE HIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLSS ARE ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE WITH THE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOUNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDD OF MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSICCCC!" Setsuna sang, doing an odd little dance.

The windows shattered and fell from their panes.

Little five-year old Hotaru was outside, playing in the sandbox with a five-year old Chibi-Usa. Usagi and Mamoru were making out on a bench, supposedly watching them. Hotaru yanked up a clump of grass and stuck it on Chibi-Usa's head. Chibi-Usa stared at her strangely, whilst Hotaru did an odd little dance that would put the currently caffeine high Setsuna to shame. Chibi-Usa's little gray kitten jumped off her head with a tinkle of little bells, and scampered towards the busy street, away from the frightening dancing Hotaru.

"Diana!" Chibi-Usa cried. She chased after the kitten.

"Chibi-Usa, no!" Usagi and Mamoru screeched, chasing their future daughter.

They were all a happy little family gathering in the middle of the street during rush hour. A happy, stupid family gathering, at that. A semi came along and squished them all. Hotaru still danced in the sand box, flinging sand and grass everywhere.

Michiru stepped out of her white European sports car, pulling the classy, little black Gucci dress down a bit and flinging her silky hair over her shoulder. She heard a screech of tires, and jumped out of the way just in time to avoid being flattened by the black Ferrari. With little bunnies and psychedelic flowers painted onto it. One of her perfect eyebrows arched questioningly. The window to the deliriously decorated sports car rolled down and Haruka poked her head out, her sunglasses perched atop her head. Michiru lost all elegance and fell over.

"HARUKA?" she gaped.

"Like it?" Haruka snickered, patting the side door affectionately, still in the car.

"As much as I love you, I will brutally murder you if I find out that you used my money to buy and decorate this car," Michiru growled, picking herself up off the ground. Haruka sweatdropped.

"Ah…I…um…I GOTTA GO! BYE!" Haruka laughed nervously, stomping on the gas and screeching out of the driveway.

The skid marks left by the tires could've been seen by a blind man.

Michiru sighed and glided, yes, glided over to the front door. She unlocked the door to her three-story mansion, complete with an indoor pool, an outdoor pool, a pool house, five acres of land, a lake, three Sea-Doos, a boat, and a horse barn with horses. She opened the door, and almost fell back out of the house when she was tackled by a little monster. The grainy, green, grassy monster shrieked horribly and squeezed her around the waist. Michiru screamed herself senseless. But she did it elegantly and perfectly, mind you.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!"

Michiru flailed insanely like a rabid chicken, clucking in fear at the top of her perfect, elegant lungs. The little monster's large violet eyes blinked up at Michiru. They welled up with tears. Michiru sweatdropped elegantly, realizing the painful truth. It was Hotaru. Hotaru covered head to toe with sand and grass.

"Oh, dear God…" Michiru moaned.

Her perfect right eyebrow twitched elegantly.

"My…my floor!" she sobbed, falling gracefully to her knees and seeing the sand and grass stains all over her once spotlessly immaculate white marble floor.

Hotaru laughed maniacally and ran back outside to roll in the grass some more.

Michiru walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of Chardonay, to calm herself. So far, her lover had bought a car that cost well over eighty- thousand dollars, had it decorated the way a hippie would love, and her daughter had turned herself into the spawn of the Sandman, with random tufts of grass emerging from here and there. She hoped that at least Setsuna was still composed.

Which she most definitely was not at the moment. Michiru's blue eyes widened to the size of dinner plates at the sight of Setsuna. She was in her robe, with her hair wrapped up in a towel turban, clutching the biggest mug of coffee Michiru had ever seen, river-dancing on the cherry wood table, wailing, "ARE YOU GOOOOOIIIIIIING TO SCARBOROUUUUGH FAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIRRRRR? PARSLEEEEEEEY, SAAAAAAAAAGE, ROOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEMARRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY, AND THYYYYYYYYYME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Setsuna?" Michiru inquired fearfully.

Setsuna suddenly stopped. She crouched low on the table, holding a cupped hand to her ear.

"Do you hear that, Michiru?" she hissed sharply, her eyes twitching insanely.

"N-no…Setsuna-dear. I'm afraid I don't," Michiru stuttered.

"It's the call of the wild!" Setsuna laughed like a loon.

She hopped back up, howling like a maniac howler monkey. She held still, doing an odd pose.

"Voila! I am the Lord of the Dance!" Setsuna cackled.

She continued to river-dance. Michiru walked over to the wine rack, pulled out a bottle of Cristal, and stood atop a chair adjacent to the table Setsuna was busting a move on. She lifted the bottle high and swatted Setsuna over the head with it. Setsuna dropped like a sack of potatoes. Michiru nudged the now unconscious `Lord of the Dance' with her toe. No movement, just a snort and a quiet, "Voila!" She proceeded to grab the phone and dial the number to the psych ward.

"Hello?" a nurse said.

"Hello, Kimberly? This is Michiru Kaioh. Again. I need you to look after Setsuna, Haruka, and Hotaru. Again."

"What happened this time, Ms. Kaioh?" the nurse chortled.

"I think it was the stress," Michiru sighed, looking at Setsuna, who lay asleep on the floor, an insane smile twitching onto her lips. "Or maybe the coffee," Michiru muttered, shooting a look at the three mugs lined up on the counter.

Each mug had a name on it. Haruka. Hotaru. Setsuna. Some coffee was left in each. And the huge tin of Maxwell House coffee was open, coffee strewn on the floor.

"Oh yeah. It was the coffee," Michiru confirmed.