Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Count the Ways ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Count the Ways
By: Reba Jean, April 18, 2002
Homepage: http://www.angelfire.com/tx5/prairieskye/
E-mail: rjean@ghg.net
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance/comedy

Disclaimer: Characters are based on Sailor Moon copyright 1992 by Naoko
Takeuchi/Kodansha, TOEI Animation, English language adaptation
copyright 1995 by DIC Entertainment. This story is not intended for
monetary gain or tangible profit, but purely for entertainment of the
readers.

Notes: First season Serena/Darien romance, sequel to “By the Numbers”.
A bit of manga, a little anime, and horror of horrors, mixing English
dub and Japanese names - purists be warned. The timing falls closest
to the manga timeline between Mina's arrival and Darien's capture by
the Negaverse. As in the manga, Darien became aware of Serena's
identity fairly early on, but she only now makes the connection between
Tuxedo Mask and her irritating friend.

"The List" is at the end of the story.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”

~Elizabeth Barret Browning



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Andrew looked up as he heard the door chimes ring at the entrance of
another customer. Darien stalked in arrogantly with that annoying
trademark grin on his face, accompanied by a giggling Serena skipping
beside him. They each held a small slip of paper. Andrew uttered a
mock growl, “I thought I told you two that you were banned from the
arcade until you could prove to me that you could get along together.”

Darien gave him a lazy grin, “I thought you might like to go to the new
3-D ‘creature’ double feature at the mall with Serena and me. I’ve got
an extra ticket.”

While Darien was talking, Serena slipped around the counter and up
behind Andrew. She untied his apron, pulled it off, grabbed his wet
towel and tossed them both on the counter. “You’re all ready to go. I
already talked to Lizzie on the phone and she said she would cover for
you and close up tonight. You’re going with us,” Serena informed
Andrew. She grabbed his collar and towed him out from behind the
counter. She turned him around and looked up at him pleadingly with
her big blue eyes. “You won’t make me go all alone with HIM, will
you?” she asked Andrew, widening her eyes and batting her eyelashes,
flirting with him shamelessly. Serena grabbed Andrew and hugged him.
Andrew reddened slightly and swallowed nervously, he could feel
Darien’s menacing glare boring through him.

Serena felt her arms being loosened from around Andrew and herself
pulled backwards against Darien, captured in his arms. He hissed into
her ear, “Meatball Head, thirty-two, you’re supposed to be showing
Andrew how well you and I can get along; not how much you can flirt
with him.”

Serena giggled, “Someone’s getting a little jealous I think.” Darien
growled and glared in response to Andrew’s snicker at their little by-
play.

Andrew stood by the door and taunted, “Well are we going or not? Or
are you two going to stand there and make out or something?” He ducked
out the door as Serena threw a towel at him.

The three friends were seated down near the front of the theatre
waiting for the first film to begin. Serena had already devoured her
large tub of popcorn, box of candy, hot dog, and pickles, and was
eyeing Andrew’s food covetously. Darien had finished his small bag of
peanuts before Serena could grab it away. Andrew gave up and handed
her his half-eaten bag of popcorn. Darien commented, “We can get some
more snacks at the intermission between the movies.”

“Not me, Buddy. I’m wiped out; if Serena wants more you’ll be doing
the paying,” Andrew taunted.

Darien replied, “Shh. The Wonderful True Story of Squid and Octopus
Habitats is about to start.” He watched the screen with rapt
attention.

“Ewuee. This is a SCIENCE movie. Yuck. Boring. How could you pick
something like that, Darien?” Serena whined. Andrew snickered and
waited for the eruption.

“Well, it wouldn’t hurt you to learn something for once, Meatball
Head,” Darien sniped.

Serena glanced down at her paper, “You five, eleven, seven, thirteen.”

Darien smirked, “Very impressive, two. You can count.”

Andrew looked from one to the other. “Okay. What gives? What are you
talking about?”

“Oh, we were discussing futbol plays from the match on TV yesterday. I
had forgotten which one they used to win. Serena must have just
remembered it,” Darien lied quickly.

Andrew muttered, “Yeah, whatever. Somehow I just don’t believe you.”
It was obvious they were keeping some secret from him. He hated that;
it just drove him up the wall to know that he was being left out of
something.

The movie started and about five minutes into the film, Darien still
stared at the screen with rapt interest. Andrew watched absently, it
wasn’t really his thing. Serena began snoring loudly. She began
slumping over towards Darien. He grabbed her before she could topple
over. Andrew leaned over and pushed back the seat arms. Serena
squirmed to a comfortable position on Darien’s lap with her head
cradled on his chest. She drew up her legs and her feet swung over on
Andrew. He grinned at Darien, “How come you get to hold the soft parts
and all I get are her smelly feet? Wanna swap?”

Darien looked over at Andrew with amusement, “No way. You know none of
the girls can resist me.”

“I dare you to say that when she’s awake. You’d be dead inside of two
seconds. And I can’t wait to see what she does when she wakes up
sitting on your lap,” Andrew retorted.

Andrew didn’t have long to wait as the science feature part of the
program was only thirty minutes long. He pretended to be looking
straight ahead at the movie, but would periodically sneak a glance at
his friends. Sometimes they could be more entertaining than any movie.
Darien’s attention definitely wasn’t focused on the movie any longer.
Andrew could see that Darien was absently stroking Serena’s hair, but
even he was surprised when the dark haired man’s eyes closed and he
dipped his head to place a kiss on Serena’s exposed collarbone. This
alone would be worth the price of the movie admission and he hadn’t
even had to pay for his own ticket. Let Darien try to deny that he
liked Serena now.

A musical score played while the film credits were shown. Serena
stirred and murmured something incoherent. Her eyes opened sleepily to
the awareness of Darien’s head resting against her own. She reached up
and her fingertips brushed back the hair covering his eyes, trailed
down the side of his face, and twined around his neck. Her eyes closed
and she snuggled against him again. Darien whispered some numbers.
Twenty-four and thirty-four, it sounded like. Andrew watched the
tender romantic interlude between his friends with amusement. They
seemed to have forgotten his presence. He only wished Serena hadn’t
finished off his popcorn. They were definitely more entertaining than
the first boring movie.

A loud rumble came from Serena’s stomach as she stretched and
announced, “I’m hungry. Somebody get me some more popcorn.” As she
became aware of just where she was sitting, she squawked and scrambled
back into her own seat. The lights brightened for the intermission and
Andrew could see that her face had turned bright red. She looked back
over at Darien, her eyes flashing down to his lap where she had been
sitting. She hissed, “You hentai, er, thirty-three.”

Darien reddened as well, but prudently remained silent; Andrew
observed, biting his tongue to keep from laughing out loud. Darien
stood up and said, “I’ll go get some more popcorn. Either of you want
anything else?” Andrew placed his order for a soda and some pretzels
and Serena gave Darien her extensive shopping list.

By the time Darien returned to the theater, the 3-D creature feature
had already started. With the 3-D goggles, it looked like the huge
creatures were swimming right toward the audience. Serena stirred
uneasily, she was aware of the distinct feeling of immanent doom. The
evil aura of the Negaverse was present and increasing. She twisted
around looking for Darien. She was the only one to observe the change
in him as his form wavered and his clothing darkened. She was
surprised but not astonished; it seemed fitting in some weird way.

Darien looked at the movie screen in horror; a gray fog with a dark
center was forming. It looked like a Negaverse portal was opening
right down below. He set down the tray of snacks and looking around
quickly to see if he was being observed, silently transformed to his
alter ego, Tuxedo Mask. The illusionary 3-D shapes were beginning to
take on solid forms. As the audience discovered that something was
wrong, screams began to echo across the auditorium. He hurried down to
where Serena and Andrew were seated. Directing Serena, “Hurry and get
Andrew to somewhere safe. I’ll try to hold them off until the other
senshi can get here to help.”

Serena quickly grabbed Andrew by the arm and dragged him down the aisle
toward the exit in the midst of the panicking crowd. Looking around
the hallway, she towed him into the men’s room. “Stay here. It should
be safer than out in the middle of that crowd. I’m going to the ladies
room and see if anyone there needs help,” she ordered. Her
authoritative and commanding demeanor was unlike he had ever seen her
before. Serena ducked into the vacant ladies room and quickly
transformed into Sailor Moon. She activated her communicator and gave
the other girls a terse summary of the situation.

Sailor Moon flitted quickly back down the aisle to where Tuxedo Mask
was crouched behind some piled up trash containers. He would
periodically pop up and throw a rose toward one of the octopus and
squid like monsters when one came within range. She put a hand on his
shoulder and he turned toward her. She carefully examined the parts of
his face that were visible beneath his mask and the dark blue eyes
looking out at her. His identity was so obvious when you knew who was
behind the mask.

Sailor Moon swallowed and gathered her up all her courage. She gently
placed her hands on either side of his face and drew him toward her.
Sailor Moon briefly, but thoroughly, with barely restrained passion,
kissed Tuxedo Mask. His eyes widened in astonishment and one hand flew
to his lips. He regarded her with amazement. Sailor Moon flushed and
said, “You’re always there for me. I don’t know how many times you’ve
saved me. I’ve never gotten to say how much it means to me.” The
intimate moment passed and she detailed her strategy, “I’m going over
across the room now and will try to distract them from the other side.
The girls should be showing up any minute now.”

“Mercury Bubbles Blast!”

A fog suddenly filled the room. Water spray, instantly freezing to
razor sharp ice crystals, flew toward the creatures emerging from the
dark portal in the center of the movie screen.

“Jupiter Thunder Crash!”

“Mars Fire Ignite!”

The darkened theatre interior was periodically illuminated by lightning
flashes and flames arcing across the vacant rows.

“Venus Chain Encircle!”

A glowing chain lashed out and wrapped around one of the monsters,
immobilizing it until it could be dispatched.

“Moon Tiara Action!”

A golden frisbee flew across the room in curving arcs hitting one youma
and then another.

Showers of roses descended from above like a flock of arrows. The lame
haiku’s assaulted the youma master’s ears, inflicting their own form of
damage.

The senshi attack calls rang out, accompanying the barely visible
action.

The pitched battle lasted only a few minutes, but the time had that
stretched surreal quality when everything seemed to be in slow motion.
A dripping tentacle lashed toward Mercury, wrapping around her, and
dragging her toward the dark portal. Venus and Mars moved toward the
fore, hitting the giant squid with a combined attack. Sailor Moon spun
and faced toward the rear, dispatching a jellyfish-like creature that
had slipped behind them with her thrown tiara.

A lightning bolt flashed toward the dark form of the Nevaverse lackey
fish-herder floating at the edge of the portal. A puff of smoke, the
smell of singed hair, and an indignant yelp indicated a direct hit.
The enemy shimmered and floated back through the dark tunnel, which
then disappeared.

“Great job, Jupiter! Now let’s finish mopping up this mess!” yelled
Sailor Venus.

A few more monsters were destroyed. Sailor Mercury scanned the room
once more. “All my readings are negative. We finally got them all.
I’m tired and I still want to study for the competitive exam in logic
next month. Let’s book it.”

Sailor Moon whined, “I don’t want to read any books. I never got to
watch the movie we came here to see. I gotta go find Andrew too.”

Tuxedo Mask, watching the by-play between the senshi from the dark exit
corridor, smiled with amusement. His lovely meatball headed heroine
was too cute. Sometimes she just didn’t have a clue.

“Meatball Head, she’s not talking about reading. She means LET’S GO
HOME!” Rei razzed Serena. “I’m outa here.”

As the girls de-transformed and headed out the door, Tuxedo Mask
stepped out of the shadows and crossed over to Sailor Moon. Serena
gulped, why oh why, did she have to give in to that insane impulse.
Tuxedo Mask moved fluidly like a black panther stalking his prey. She
started backing away. In a flash, he had her by the arms. “Don’t
leave so soon,” he entreated her. Sailor Moon pulled back, furiously
trying to think up an excuse. “I’ve got to go get Andrew and er- look
for Serena,” she muttered hastily.

Darien smiled beneath his mask, her nervousness was so visible, and so
endearing. He loosened his grip and let his fingers trail down her
arms until he was just clasping her fingertips. Doffing his hat with
one hand, he bowed over her hand and his lips grazed the back of her
glove in the European manner. “Then until we meet again, princess, if
you must go.”

Sailor Moon looked back over her shoulder and coyly taunted the
disappearing form of Tuxedo Mask, “If you see Darien, tell him to meet
Andrew and Serena in the lobby at the concession stand.”

After transforming back to her usual school girl appearance, Serena
retrieved Andrew. “I wonder where Darien is?” he speculated.

Serena smiled, “Sailor Moon told me that we should wait in the
concession area. Darien is supposed to meet us there.”

Darien wandered over, apparently from the other side of the building.
“Sailor Moon, I mean Tuxedo Mask told me to meet you guys here,” he
said.

Andrew laughed, “Well which was it? I mean it would be kinda hard for
me, at least, to confuse those two.”

Darien ignored Andrew’s snide comment, “I should get you two home. I
don’t think they will want to have another showing of ‘that’ film
tonight.”

As they pulled into Serena’s driveway, Darien turned to Andrew and
asked, “So did we behave well enough tonight? Can we come back to the
arcade again?” Serena paused to hear Andrew’s response.

“Oh, I guess it will be okay. But if you two start fighting again, out
you go,” Andrew conceded.

“Great!” squealed Serena. She leaned over and kissed Andrew on the
cheek before she hopped out of the car and ran inside.

“No thank-you for me or nothing,” grumbled Darien. “Why did she kiss
you?”

“All the girls like me. They just can’t resist me,” teased Andrew,
throwing Darien’s own words back at him.

“Well Sailor Moon, I mean, Serena already kissed me once tonight,”
bragged Darien. He couldn’t let his friend to have the chance to one
up him.

“Sailor Moon. Serena. Confusing fantasy with reality again are we?
Or probably neither one. Maybe it was only a dream, after all,” Andrew
sniped. “I saw YOU kiss Serena while she was asleep, so don’t try to
deny that. You’re hopelessly gone on that girl,” he added.

“Oh just shut-up,” muttered Darien as he drove toward Andrew’s
apartment.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Darien sat at the counter drinking coffee and razzing Andrew about his
favorite futbol team’s poor showing as they looked over the sports
scores together. Andrew was pretending to work, in reality waiting for
the start of the daily soap opera performance. Darien waited fitfully
with barely concealed impatience.

The ringing door chimes announced the arrival of another visitor. A
yellow streamered blur dressed in school-girl uniform skidded into the
arcade. Darien jumped up and greeted his favorite meatball head
cheerfully, “Hey Meatball Head, crash into anybody on the way here?
Fail any tests today? Maybe a twenty-six, twenty-eight, sixteen,
thirty-four.”

Serena slid to a halt and pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket.
Her brow furrowed in confusion as she looked down the list. “Those
aren’t on my list. Oh who cares; I want to play Sailor V. I don’t have
time for this.” Looking at Darien with an annoyed expression, Serena
scratched her nose with her index finger and retorted, “You seven,
twenty-one. You seventeen!”

Darien sighed, “She’s right about that last one, and way too often.”

Andrew grabbed the piece of paper out of Darien’s hands and started to
read the list. “What do you mean? Hey this is a list of insults. So
that’s what you two have been doing. And let’s see what you meant? Oh
ho, funny!” Andrew started guffawing at Darien’s discomfort.

He turned the list over and looked at the back. “Whoa, these aren’t
insults.” He regarded Darien slyly, “If that’s the way you feel about
her; why the hell don’t you just tell her, you big idiot. Here we go,
you’re a real # 1, if you don’t let her know. You 23.”

Andrew danced away from Darien’s stool and ran over to Serena. “Hey
Serena, you gotta see the rest of Darien’s list. You won’t believe
it!” Andrew handed Serena the list with the back of it showing. As
she read her face flushed a lovely rose hue. Darien slumped and buried
his head on his arms on the counter. He was so dead.

Andrew moved away and watched Serena’s reaction. She seemed shocked
and maybe by her expression, pleased. This was getting way too
interesting.

Serena went over to Darien. She backed away nervously and then re-
approached him. Tears started to run down her face, and she coughed
as her throat constricted. Darien looked up and his concern shone in
his eyes as he brushed away the tears. “I’m sorry if I upset you. I
couldn’t tell you those things right out, so I made up a list. I’ll
understand if you hate me or are disgusted. I promise I won’t bother
you if that’s what you want,” he added uncertainly.

Serena answered, “Of course I love you, baka. You’re my friend, aren’t
you?” She wrapped her arms around Darien.

“Of course. We are friends, if that’s what you want.” Darien answered
as he returned her embrace. But that’s not all I want, cried the small
sad voice within his heart.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Continuing their conversation started outside the arcade, Darien and
Serena scooted into the round booth in the far corner to save places
for their friends. “You are impossibly aggravating! It’s a good thing
we’re just friends. Living with you would be enough to drive any woman
crazy. If we ever got married, you’d probably find some way to tease
me even on our wedding day,” Serena complained.

Darien’s face twitched into that irritating grin that was guaranteed to
push Serena’s hot buttons. She didn’t even seem to realize what her
words were implying about her train of thought. “I guarantee it,
darling. I fully plan on teasing you until the day I die. And I’ll
find some way to continue even after that!” Darien retorted with an
evil gleam in his eye.

“Aarrgg!” Serena growled and launched herself onto Darien and began
beating him about the head with a rolled up menu. He couldn’t dodge
very many of the blows since she was sitting on him, straddling his
lap, and had him pinned down. He managed to catch her wrist and force
her to drop her weapon, and pulled her in tightly, imprisoning her arms
between them. He then stopped her attack in a way she did not expect;
he kissed her.

This countermeasure continued for quite a while until Darien
experienced the uneasy feeling that they were being watched. Opening
his eyes, he saw that they were surrounded by seven pairs of eyes
peering at them intently. Ami, Lita, Mina, Rei, Andrew, Molly, and
Melvin had surrounded their booth and were propped against the back of
the seat on either side of them enjoying the show.

Molly said, “You’ve been holding out on us, Serena. We want all the
details. How long have you two been an item?”

Mina and Rei looked at each other gloatingly. “Interrogation time. No
mercy. We take no prisoners!” exclaimed Rei.

Lita smacked one fist against her hand, “If they even try to escape,
they’ll have to face me!”

Ami pulled out her “PDA”, “I have all the questions we agreed on girls,
right here in my computer.”

Melvin had his notebook and pencil ready, “Ok, guys just go slow so I
can get it all down for the school gossip column.”

Serena looked at Darien; his face was as red as hers felt. “Do you
think if we ignore them, they’ll go away?”

Darien assessed the odds, “I don’t think so; they look pretty
determined.”

Serena exclaimed disgustedly, “Get a life. GO AWAY!”

Darien began to slide them toward the edge of the booth, as if to
leave. Serena grabbed his face between her hands and caught his eyes
with her own, “Love, we’re not leaving. Ignore those idiots. I’m not
through with you yet.” And she resumed the kiss, which had been so
rudely interrupted.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Serena’s List:

1 – baka
3 – dork
5 – conceited
7 – obnoxious
9 – egotistical
11 – arrogant
13 – jerk
15 – jerk-wad
17 – jerk-off
19 – dope
21 – moron
23 – idiot
25 – snob
27 – annoying
29 – man
31 – ecchi
33 – hentai

Darien’s list:

2 – Meatball Head
4 – klutz
6 – whiney
8 – crybaby
10 – spaced out
12 – ditz
14 – daydreamer

On the back of Darien’s list:

16 – darling
18 – baby
20 – my lovely MBH
22 – my dear
24 – my little bunny
26 – beautiful
28 – gorgeous
30 – love
32 – my love
34 – I love you.