Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Crossroads ❯ Crossroads ( Chapter 1 )
[ A - All Readers ]
By: regie27 
After graduation, Ami reflects on her life, accomplishments and a special someone.
Anime/Manga: Sailor Moon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 12.29.2003 | Updated On: 01.19.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.0K | Visits: 704 | Status: Completed
After graduation, Ami reflects on her life, accomplishments and a special someone.
Anime/Manga: Sailor Moon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: One Shot | Uploaded On: 12.29.2003 | Updated On: 01.19.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.0K | Visits: 704 | Status: Completed
Crossroads
A Sailor Moon Fanfiction by Regie27
Standard fanfiction disclaimers apply
Note:
The story is narrated from first person POVs, except for the dialogue segment which is narrated from third person perspective. Hope it’s not too confusing.
"All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven. A time to kill, and a time to heal. A time to destroy, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time of love, and a time of hatred. A time of war, and a time of peace."
Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3
Juuban District, Tokyo
Mizuno Ami's room
My fingers run through the pages of the thick science textbook but my mind is eons away from formulas, stem cells or DNA sequencing codes. These subjects usually make my mind succumb to their trance but not now. A sigh escapes from my lips as I try to put in perspective what has been my life over the past years since that fateful day the odango-haired girl crossed paths with my former quiet and uneventful (dare I say boring?) life. From that day on, my life was never the same again.
I smile as I look at the new picture sitting on my desk, the one from our High School graduation. We all look so happy! I can't believe we finally did it! After so many years of hard work and effort, our school years are at last left behind. I'm now sitting down going through a barrage of letters of acceptance bearing addresses from around the world. I read the names out loud as I sort them: *Tokyo Daigaku, Waseda Daigaku, Harvard, MIT, Oxford, England, La Sorbonne, France....the list goes on and on like a roll call of the academic world’s best. I should be proud of myself; after all this is the reward for all my sacrifice, for the things I've left behind in order to concentrate on my goals. I've achieved academical success and will soon be closer to make my dream of becoming a doctor a reality.
Then there's also my alter ego, Sailor Mercury. The past years proved immensely challenging battling against foes like the Dark Kingdom, the Black Moon, the Dead Moon Circus, the Death Busters and finally Galaxia. All of them threatened the Earth and even the whole Galaxy and menaced to alter the balance of power but time after time, we, the Sailor Senshi came through and saved the day. They weren’t battles devoid of pain and sacrifice at all and I admit that all of us lost all shreds of hope when things seemed too despairing even for us. Not every day you face daunting challenges that menace to erase all traces of what you know and what is dear to you in a blink of an eye. Not every day you face death and somehow manage to see next dawn, but in the end it all came through for the Soldiers of Love and Justice.
I'm a genius, or so I've been called more times than I might have wanted to. I've also been called a hero. Sailor Mercury the strategist, the pensive member of the group. I'm regarded by the press as a sort of command and control unit, an intelligence squadron and a recon team all compacted in a blue booted, short skirted figure. My brains and calm resolve in the heat of a battle have proven to be an important element of our success, even though it’s not as flashy as Mars or pack the punch of Jupiter’s might. I guess the military must be envying us, the way five girls can defeat foes a battalion struggles to fight against.
So what can I say about myself? I'm an excellent student and also part of an admired group of heroes. How many girls my age can boast of the same? I'm young, I have loving friends that would literally die for me, I have a caring mom and a dad that in his special way shows that he still cares for me. However, I regret to admit that my spirit has been feeling restless lately but once again, my logical mind collides with it in a titanic struggle for control. If this is all true, my logic demands, then why none of this can haunt away the sadness lodged deep in my heart? Why none of this is enough? Why I am not happy when it seems I have all there is to have in life? "Because you are letting true love slip away...," I feel a voice whisper from the deepest recesses of my soul. I'm not a religious person but suddenly poignant passages from the Book of Ecclesiastes from the Bible come to my mind. **"Because in much wisdom there is much indignation: and he that addeth knowledge, addeth also labour." I suddenly feel like King Solomon, the wise king who had all but felt empty inside. What a wasted life! Is that also my destiny? Am I to be the same? The answer tears my heart. "Only you can answer that, in your hands lies the key to your happiness," the voice that it’s my own insists.
Two long tears escape slowly from my eyes and fall over the letter with the very familiar handwriting on the congratulations postcard, the one that has brought this debate within me back to surface...
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Osaka, Japan
Urawa Ryo's room
I stare at the newspaper again. How I wish I could have been there, basking in the glow of that shy smile and tender eyes! I bet she must be now almost buried in acceptance letters from colleges. After all, she's has become quite the academic sensation and all colleges want to house the potential next Stephen Hawking or John Nash. I read her letter again and laugh at every odd sentence with the colorful occurrences of Usagi and the rest of the girls. Not even in such a special day would Usagi be on time, something that Rei had exploited to full potential with her characteristic harsh comments. Of course, a discussion followed suit and some very funny pictures came from it as result. I bet they would be none too happy if they knew I’ve seen them. Thank goodness for attachments! At least I know that both Makoto and Usagi managed to (barely) graduate, achievement that is of course, partially Ami’s with her patient tutoring of the girls, between beating bad guys, Rei’s mangas and cute guys talk. She should be a teacher instead of a doctor, I've always told her. She has an amazing natural knack for teaching and people feel predisposed to listening at the sight of those calming, beautiful eyes that look like they hold the oceans within.
But I see storms brewing on those oceans. Even with the happy setting and the smiling faces, I can perceive a shroud of sadness dimming the light of her eyes, barely perceivable on the pictures but present, nonetheless. It pains me to see her that way. After all what she has done, and I know better than many how hard she has worked for this. Of course, I also know she's Sailor Mercury, making hers and the rest of the girls achievement even more remarkable.
I can still remember the nights I woke up covered in sweat as the visions of destruction and darkness replayed themselves on my conscious mind. Fear crept up my soul every single instance those visions came to haunt me on the silence of the night with the crescent moon shining it’s pale light above. I feared for all of them, for humanity but especially for her. I...I even foresaw their final stand against Galaxia and I thought at the time I was about to go insane with the haunting images of what it seemed it was the demise of the Sailor Senshi. For endless days, the only thoughts that kept running in my head over and over were the words that were never said aloud, the moments that never were experienced and all for the sake of duty, or was it fear that held us back? I was about to see her to a battle none of us were sure they would win but still I never dared to say the words I so longed to say to her.
I wipe off the sweat that has gathered over my thick brows. Even now, those memories are still taxing to recall, bringing back discomfort as if old wounds were reopened. My omens proved to be correct as Ami herself later confided. I hated myself for having to see those hateful visions and not having the power of avoiding them to turning into reality. This power has always been more a curse than a blessing but I’ve learned to live with it one day at a time.
Thankfully, Sailor Moon's strength proved even more powerful and once again, humanity was spared and a new day, a new chance to start anew had been given to all of us. What I've done with this rare gift? Nothing, I acknowledge in despair. My feelings remain mine alone and although I know we both share the same sentiments, neither of us has been bold enough to admit them to the other. And so the charade goes on...
I'm still running away, am I? The kid who ran from the Dark Kingdom is still running away. It's for the best I say to myself; you would be only a distraction, you will take away precious time away from her duty, from her dreams. I tell myself I want her to be happy and if that happiness means sacrificing myself, then the price is still not too high. I can offer my silent love and support as I have being doing since I left Tokyo. The midnight online chats while she's taking a break from her books, the letters that bear that exquisite handwriting of hers, so graceful and delicate, unlike my sloppy and inelegant one. All those little things I meant them to talk without words of the feelings I've kept inside.
But today, I've grown up tired of running. I won't hold back anymore.
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Ami’s room
I'm staring at my computer's monitor still at awe. I read the message again, as if I intended to make say more than it has plainly stated in simple words.
"Meet me at the Crown Café in two days. I really need to talk to you. I will leave my running away days behind. Are you too willing to do the same? Ryo."
When I saw the e-mail among the plethora of messages, my heart skipped a beat. His ever-present support has always helped make it through the hardest of times. It had been very disappointing to wave him goodbye again after the showdown with Endymion and our date at the amusement park had ended all too soon after the tension of seeing him almost taken away by the Dark Kingdom and me facing Endymion by myself before Jupiter and Moon joined us. After that, distance, evildoers and final exams had stepped into the fray pulling my attention away from him.
Our relationship had to rely mainly on e-mails, phone calls and occasionally a letter or two for special occasions. I have kept every single of those like a small treasure, a physical reminder of him. Technology is great and it has aided us immensely to keep in contact but it was the simple letters that I cherished the most. It was as if I could still feel the warmth of his hand lingering over the paper and while I read the simple yet meaningful lines over and over, I can picture his serious expression writing them down. I can see clearly the serious expression and almost solemn look in his dark eyes. It makes him look like an adult trapped in the body of a young man. I have always found the fact amusing and comforting at the same time. I can relate to that. After all, I used to be around grown ups more than people my age before meeting Usagi and rest of the Senshi.
I check my calendar. It will be Saturday in two days. Plenty of time to organize my thoughts and yet the little voice inside me says the best way to go is by just being open and honest. I'm not sure what to think anymore. "Are you willing to do the same," he asks me. Am I ready to stop fleeing from myself and my true feelings?
I decide to call Mako-chan. Among the girls she has been my closest friend, sort of the sister neither of us has but wished we had. Our differences have made us bond closer and it was her who confronted me with the fact that I felt more for Ryo that I was willing to admit, even to myself. She was glad we had kept our friendship but she always pressed the fact that someday I would have to lower my guard and let love in before it was too late. I think I might need some of that positive reinforcement just about now.
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Urawa
Crown Café, Juuban District Tokyo
I'm sitting here staring at the cup of coffee that feels cold to my fingers. I keep rehearsing on my mind the elaborated speech I have prepared over the last two days for this occasion. I'm a nervous wreck, something that hasn't changed at all with the years, especially when it comes to Ami. I might still have some remaining psychic powers that lingered after the rainbow crystal was removed from me, but that hasn't improved my prowess or confidence at all when it comes to the fair sex. I only know another person who suffers from an even worse case of permanent shyness and I can see her right now opening the door of the café, scanning around until her blue gaze widens in acknowledgment of my presence. As expected, a slight shade of crimson that looks so cute on her colors her cheeks.
She seems slightly taller than last time we saw each other and even with the modest ensemble she seems to always favor, it is quite obvious she has turned into a most beautiful young woman. I'm not sure she has noticed it, but her entrance has caused a bit of a stir among the customers. It might be that her face results familiar from the newspapers or it is just the distinctive beauty of her trademark shock of short blue hair. I straighten myself and stand up in response of her arrival.
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Ami
Crown Café, Juuban District Tokyo
After a long conversation with Mako-chan, who I’m quite sure is tagging along discretely with the rest of the girls (as if I haven’t participated myself in such adventures before), I arrive at the Crown Café with butterflies on my stomach but with the hope that this meeting might somehow help ease the restlessness inside me.
I open the door and look around, searching for the young man with the white polo shirt he anticipated he’ll be wearing and his familiar dark hair. I feel my cheeks blushing as I recognize him from the multitude of customers that gather the place. He seems somehow should I say broader, as if he had put on some muscle and it does suit him very well, I admit. That along with the fact that he still has those inscrutable dark eyes and thick dark hair that make me stare at him more than I intend to. The sensible conversation I had planned to offer suddenly is erased from my brain with the nervousness. What a moment for my synapses to suffer a breakdown, I think in frustration.
I will my feet to motion forward towards him and to the meeting that might change the way I see life until then.
************************************************************************ *******
At the Crown Café...
The blue-haired girl stood in front of the young man offering a soft smile and a reddish blush that stubbornly lingered on her cheeks. The young man offered a seat on his table, returning a somewhat nervous smile.
-“It’s great to see you again, Ryo,” the blue-haired girl said as she sat down.
-“I’m glad you’ve made it Ami.” Relief crossed the face of the young man in front of her.
-“it is always nice to see you in the flesh, not that I don’t enjoy our online conversations or the occasional games,” she replied with a pleasant smile.
-“Yeah, I’m still planning a strategy to beat you on ‘Age of Conquerors.’ I can’t still believe you won that last game. I had a stronger army...” the young man sighted loudly in frustration.
-“But I had better resources. Face it Ryo, my Spaniards beat the pulp out of your Persians and your pretty elephant cavalry.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously.
-“Rub it in Ms. Field Marshall. I should invoke a handicap for our next game. How can I be sure you’re not using any of the ‘abilities’ of that special computer of yours to plan the game strategy?”
-“I might as well invoke handicap too, **Mr. Precog.”
-“Okay, truce, truce, before you decide to launch the ***‘Armada Invencible’ against me again!” the dark-haired young man said lifting his hands in mock surrender.
The couple bursted in a heartily laughter, the small talk serving to dissolve the mutual anxiousness they shared. Suddenly, the blue-haired girl stood pensive, a question lingering on her eyes.
-“Ryo, I know you did not come all the way from Osaka just to talk about games.”
His smile faded as his countenance son mimicked Ami’s. Breathing in deeply he answered:
-“As much as I enjoy discussing game strategy with you, my invitation comes motivated by more serious matters.” A moment of silence invaded momentarily the table as both looked at their hands looking for a way to start the conversation. Clearing his throat, Urawa broke the awkward silence.
-“Ami-chan, I’ve be doing a lot of thinking lately. I’ve been thinking about me, about you and our relationship. I know we should be glad we have managed to keep it this long but...” he paused, as if he was searching for the right wording. His glance remained fixed down on his hands toying with the cup of coffee.
-“But...” echoed Ami. Urawa lifted his head and his glance locked on hers.
-“Ami, you know very well what I feel for you. Even with the distance and all the unusual things that have happened since we first met, my feelings for you have not changed.” - The determined tone on his words startled Ami slightly. She had always known of his affections towards hers but still it was quite touching to have them expressed out loud. Their relationship had always relegated the obviously romantic sentiments and a simpler yet enduring friendship instead had taken place. She breathed in deeply, in an effort to steady the emotions suddenly brewing inside.
-“Ryo...”
-“It’s not that I haven’t tried to conform myself to the present state of things. Heck, I even dated other girls.” - At the mention of ‘dating’ Ami couldn’t help showing an obvious disliking to the very real possibility of her dear friend in another female’s arms. Urawa paused momentarily, smiling inwardly at her reaction but quickly continued. -“After all we only had a friendship, my logic told me, but it was useless. Somehow, the dream that someday we might someday be together held me from falling in love with someone else. No matter how hard I tried, the truth was right there clear as a bell and yet the sound was muted with a ton of excuses. That I would stand in your way, that I would be only a distraction, that your duty was first and foremost, you name it...”
His eyes reflected the inner struggle, so similar to hers. Still, she resisted the emotion that was closing in on her soul, the one she sensed she couldn’t analyze like she did with almost everything else in her life and exclaimed:
-“But they weren’t excuses. You know at the time I had a very important job to perform and sometimes I didn’t even knew if I would make it in one piece. I would have hated myself if you suffered because of me.”
Urawa stared at Ami seriously and cupped one of her hands with his.
-“That is something you cannot control, Ami. There are things you must understand that are beyond your control and understanding, even to you and your superior intellect. You might wish your life and mine to be simple to understand and painless but yet you have experienced pain, loss, frustration and suffering. You have seen that not everything can be put under a microscope, analyzed and dissected. The wall that you have built around you hasn’t shielded you from experiencing any emotion, as you might sometimes wish, in order to makes things more simple. What you don’t see is that you are also keeping out so many good things that can be frightening too because they are unknown but why not give them a chance? Take a good look at yourself. You are much braver than you give yourself credit for. You could have shied away from your destiny as a Sailor Senshi but you took a step forward and never looked back.”
-“It’s not that I’ve never considered quitting. We’ve all admitted wanting to quit sometime...” the blue-haired girl said almost in embarrassment.
-“But you didn’t! Why then you have given away hope for us?” Frustration was clearly noticeable now on Urawa’s eyes. Almost in a whisper, she replied:
-“I...I have never given up hope, it’s just that I wasn’t sure if it was right moment then.”
-“And if you keep saying that, the right moment might never arrive.”
-“You don’t understand. I cannot allow you or anyone get too close yet...It is for our own good.”
-“There you go again,” he replied sternly. -“You have allowed everything to take priority over yourself, Ami. School, your duties as Sailor Mercury, helping others...Duty can be a demanding and selfish mistress, you know. I allowed it to control me for too long but I’ve grown tired of pushing my feelings aside just for duty’s sake. Don’t you get tired of it Ami, of the running away? Or is it that you never felt the same way I do for you?”
There was a hint of hopelessness on Urawa’s last words that tore at Ami’s heart. How he could believe she didn’t feel the same way...!
-“No, please don’t say that,” her voice breaking by the weight of the emotions erupting like a geyser. - “ I, I love you but this sensation is so exhilarating and yet so unknown that it frightens me. It is easy to witness love in others but for me it can be so confusing...”
Urawa opened his eyes wide in awe. Did she just said that she loved him? There was hope after all, he realized elated. His words seemed to had finally caved in at the solid protective boundaries of her inner self. Holding her hand tighter, he said in a tender voice:
-“Because it is not meant for you to experience it alone. If you would allow me to share it with you, it might turn not to be so confusing after all. We might not find the meaning of love in textbooks or uncover its endless mysteries but we can at least enjoy it...that is, if you halt your run and walk beside me instead. I love you too and I’m so glad I can finally say these words to you without feeling fear or guilt.”
They stared at each other in silence, the deep meaning of those three simple words they had exchanged seeping in, filling their hearts and souls of joy, banishing anxiety and fear away. All of a sudden, a shadow of doubt clouded Ami’s blue gaze.
-“But, there’s still the matter of distance and my *other* job...”
Urawa sighted loudly. The ever-present logic ways of her mind didn’t know when to take a rest! As his fingers touched slightly the strands of azure hair that fell over her temple, he replied with relaxed voice:
-“My powers aren’t too strong anymore but I can lend you a hand anytime you gals need it. I don’t mind having you go and save the world every now and then as long as I can remain by your side. It will not be worse than dating a police officer or a firefighter. Besides you also have to deal with my gift so we are pretty even there.”
-“Hmm, good point, but what about the fact that you live in another city? I’m afraid we cannot make this work if we are still physically apart and you drop by here only about twice a year.”
-“Oh, that.” Urawa smiled teasingly as he brought a envelope out and offered it to Ami. -“Read this.”
As she read the letter, a big smile illuminated her face. -“You’ve been accepted to Tokyo Daigaku?”
-“You’re not the only one with several college acceptance letters littering your desk, girl genius. You know that I have relatives living here and they are more than glad to have me around in a more permanent basis. I only need one more motivation to accept it of course...”
Words were not required at that moment as her loving and at last relaxed glance said it all. Sweetly she replied, staring lovingly to the object of her affections:
-“In that case, I’ll be more than glad to welcome you back, Ryo-chan.”
************************************************************************ *******
Ami
As I wave Makoto, Rei, Minako and Usagi goodbye (while remembering with humor and embarrassment how I noticed their presence from another table at the café, their cover blown by Usagi’s and Minako’s enthusiastic clapping while Ryo and I kissed), I walk back home but I’m not alone.
The path to a new challenge upon us, adulthood, lays ahead as I leave the unforgettable memories of my school years behind and the amazing discovery of my identity as guardian of a magical world that existed long ago and will return to us one day. The lessons I have learned are engraved forever in my soul in my own blood and tears. I have even lived through death and rebirth. But this is only one side of the story. My memories are also filled with laughter, courage hope and love. I have been privileged enough to be more than just a witness; I lived through them all.
Every so often our existence, one is placed on a crossroad: two unknown paths leading to opposite destinies. Your decision at that very junction can shape your future, your destiny. As I walk with Ryo holding my hand, I know I’ve just passed through one. Even without his ability of precognition, I’m sure I’ve taken the right path. My road ahead seems bright again and full of hope. The emptiness has finally vacated my heart and in its place the feeling I had so denied it’s rightful place has come to stay: love.
The End
Glossary:
*Tokyo Daigaku: Tokyo University. Reference taken from the book “The Anime Companion” by Gilles Poitras. A must have to better understand the Japanese cultural references that are included in Anime and Manga.
**Ecclesiastes 1-18
+Precog: as in precognition. Term most recently used on Stephen Spielberg’s “Minority Report.”
++ Armada Invensible: The Invincible Armada, Spain’s navy during the 16th and 17th Century.
Author’s Notes:
There you have it, my first attempt on a Sailor Moon fanfic. This little story is an attempt to conciliate the huge gap that was left after Season I and Urawa’s whereabouts since then, leaving our poor Ami-chan without a boyfriend who seemed to be her right match. I’m still absorbing the 200 episodes of SM, so please don’t kill me if I didn’t get something right (braces for barrage of nit-picking fans).
This is sort of a sabbatical from my current Soul Calibur fics but in no way (hopefully) I plan to make this the only SM-based fic from my repertoire. You might feel free to check the SC ones too (shameless plug!)
Happy New Year 2004!
A Sailor Moon Fanfiction by Regie27
Standard fanfiction disclaimers apply
Note:
The story is narrated from first person POVs, except for the dialogue segment which is narrated from third person perspective. Hope it’s not too confusing.
"All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven. A time to kill, and a time to heal. A time to destroy, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time of love, and a time of hatred. A time of war, and a time of peace."
Ecclesiastes, Chapter 3
Juuban District, Tokyo
Mizuno Ami's room
My fingers run through the pages of the thick science textbook but my mind is eons away from formulas, stem cells or DNA sequencing codes. These subjects usually make my mind succumb to their trance but not now. A sigh escapes from my lips as I try to put in perspective what has been my life over the past years since that fateful day the odango-haired girl crossed paths with my former quiet and uneventful (dare I say boring?) life. From that day on, my life was never the same again.
I smile as I look at the new picture sitting on my desk, the one from our High School graduation. We all look so happy! I can't believe we finally did it! After so many years of hard work and effort, our school years are at last left behind. I'm now sitting down going through a barrage of letters of acceptance bearing addresses from around the world. I read the names out loud as I sort them: *Tokyo Daigaku, Waseda Daigaku, Harvard, MIT, Oxford, England, La Sorbonne, France....the list goes on and on like a roll call of the academic world’s best. I should be proud of myself; after all this is the reward for all my sacrifice, for the things I've left behind in order to concentrate on my goals. I've achieved academical success and will soon be closer to make my dream of becoming a doctor a reality.
Then there's also my alter ego, Sailor Mercury. The past years proved immensely challenging battling against foes like the Dark Kingdom, the Black Moon, the Dead Moon Circus, the Death Busters and finally Galaxia. All of them threatened the Earth and even the whole Galaxy and menaced to alter the balance of power but time after time, we, the Sailor Senshi came through and saved the day. They weren’t battles devoid of pain and sacrifice at all and I admit that all of us lost all shreds of hope when things seemed too despairing even for us. Not every day you face daunting challenges that menace to erase all traces of what you know and what is dear to you in a blink of an eye. Not every day you face death and somehow manage to see next dawn, but in the end it all came through for the Soldiers of Love and Justice.
I'm a genius, or so I've been called more times than I might have wanted to. I've also been called a hero. Sailor Mercury the strategist, the pensive member of the group. I'm regarded by the press as a sort of command and control unit, an intelligence squadron and a recon team all compacted in a blue booted, short skirted figure. My brains and calm resolve in the heat of a battle have proven to be an important element of our success, even though it’s not as flashy as Mars or pack the punch of Jupiter’s might. I guess the military must be envying us, the way five girls can defeat foes a battalion struggles to fight against.
So what can I say about myself? I'm an excellent student and also part of an admired group of heroes. How many girls my age can boast of the same? I'm young, I have loving friends that would literally die for me, I have a caring mom and a dad that in his special way shows that he still cares for me. However, I regret to admit that my spirit has been feeling restless lately but once again, my logical mind collides with it in a titanic struggle for control. If this is all true, my logic demands, then why none of this can haunt away the sadness lodged deep in my heart? Why none of this is enough? Why I am not happy when it seems I have all there is to have in life? "Because you are letting true love slip away...," I feel a voice whisper from the deepest recesses of my soul. I'm not a religious person but suddenly poignant passages from the Book of Ecclesiastes from the Bible come to my mind. **"Because in much wisdom there is much indignation: and he that addeth knowledge, addeth also labour." I suddenly feel like King Solomon, the wise king who had all but felt empty inside. What a wasted life! Is that also my destiny? Am I to be the same? The answer tears my heart. "Only you can answer that, in your hands lies the key to your happiness," the voice that it’s my own insists.
Two long tears escape slowly from my eyes and fall over the letter with the very familiar handwriting on the congratulations postcard, the one that has brought this debate within me back to surface...
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Osaka, Japan
Urawa Ryo's room
I stare at the newspaper again. How I wish I could have been there, basking in the glow of that shy smile and tender eyes! I bet she must be now almost buried in acceptance letters from colleges. After all, she's has become quite the academic sensation and all colleges want to house the potential next Stephen Hawking or John Nash. I read her letter again and laugh at every odd sentence with the colorful occurrences of Usagi and the rest of the girls. Not even in such a special day would Usagi be on time, something that Rei had exploited to full potential with her characteristic harsh comments. Of course, a discussion followed suit and some very funny pictures came from it as result. I bet they would be none too happy if they knew I’ve seen them. Thank goodness for attachments! At least I know that both Makoto and Usagi managed to (barely) graduate, achievement that is of course, partially Ami’s with her patient tutoring of the girls, between beating bad guys, Rei’s mangas and cute guys talk. She should be a teacher instead of a doctor, I've always told her. She has an amazing natural knack for teaching and people feel predisposed to listening at the sight of those calming, beautiful eyes that look like they hold the oceans within.
But I see storms brewing on those oceans. Even with the happy setting and the smiling faces, I can perceive a shroud of sadness dimming the light of her eyes, barely perceivable on the pictures but present, nonetheless. It pains me to see her that way. After all what she has done, and I know better than many how hard she has worked for this. Of course, I also know she's Sailor Mercury, making hers and the rest of the girls achievement even more remarkable.
I can still remember the nights I woke up covered in sweat as the visions of destruction and darkness replayed themselves on my conscious mind. Fear crept up my soul every single instance those visions came to haunt me on the silence of the night with the crescent moon shining it’s pale light above. I feared for all of them, for humanity but especially for her. I...I even foresaw their final stand against Galaxia and I thought at the time I was about to go insane with the haunting images of what it seemed it was the demise of the Sailor Senshi. For endless days, the only thoughts that kept running in my head over and over were the words that were never said aloud, the moments that never were experienced and all for the sake of duty, or was it fear that held us back? I was about to see her to a battle none of us were sure they would win but still I never dared to say the words I so longed to say to her.
I wipe off the sweat that has gathered over my thick brows. Even now, those memories are still taxing to recall, bringing back discomfort as if old wounds were reopened. My omens proved to be correct as Ami herself later confided. I hated myself for having to see those hateful visions and not having the power of avoiding them to turning into reality. This power has always been more a curse than a blessing but I’ve learned to live with it one day at a time.
Thankfully, Sailor Moon's strength proved even more powerful and once again, humanity was spared and a new day, a new chance to start anew had been given to all of us. What I've done with this rare gift? Nothing, I acknowledge in despair. My feelings remain mine alone and although I know we both share the same sentiments, neither of us has been bold enough to admit them to the other. And so the charade goes on...
I'm still running away, am I? The kid who ran from the Dark Kingdom is still running away. It's for the best I say to myself; you would be only a distraction, you will take away precious time away from her duty, from her dreams. I tell myself I want her to be happy and if that happiness means sacrificing myself, then the price is still not too high. I can offer my silent love and support as I have being doing since I left Tokyo. The midnight online chats while she's taking a break from her books, the letters that bear that exquisite handwriting of hers, so graceful and delicate, unlike my sloppy and inelegant one. All those little things I meant them to talk without words of the feelings I've kept inside.
But today, I've grown up tired of running. I won't hold back anymore.
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Ami’s room
I'm staring at my computer's monitor still at awe. I read the message again, as if I intended to make say more than it has plainly stated in simple words.
"Meet me at the Crown Café in two days. I really need to talk to you. I will leave my running away days behind. Are you too willing to do the same? Ryo."
When I saw the e-mail among the plethora of messages, my heart skipped a beat. His ever-present support has always helped make it through the hardest of times. It had been very disappointing to wave him goodbye again after the showdown with Endymion and our date at the amusement park had ended all too soon after the tension of seeing him almost taken away by the Dark Kingdom and me facing Endymion by myself before Jupiter and Moon joined us. After that, distance, evildoers and final exams had stepped into the fray pulling my attention away from him.
Our relationship had to rely mainly on e-mails, phone calls and occasionally a letter or two for special occasions. I have kept every single of those like a small treasure, a physical reminder of him. Technology is great and it has aided us immensely to keep in contact but it was the simple letters that I cherished the most. It was as if I could still feel the warmth of his hand lingering over the paper and while I read the simple yet meaningful lines over and over, I can picture his serious expression writing them down. I can see clearly the serious expression and almost solemn look in his dark eyes. It makes him look like an adult trapped in the body of a young man. I have always found the fact amusing and comforting at the same time. I can relate to that. After all, I used to be around grown ups more than people my age before meeting Usagi and rest of the Senshi.
I check my calendar. It will be Saturday in two days. Plenty of time to organize my thoughts and yet the little voice inside me says the best way to go is by just being open and honest. I'm not sure what to think anymore. "Are you willing to do the same," he asks me. Am I ready to stop fleeing from myself and my true feelings?
I decide to call Mako-chan. Among the girls she has been my closest friend, sort of the sister neither of us has but wished we had. Our differences have made us bond closer and it was her who confronted me with the fact that I felt more for Ryo that I was willing to admit, even to myself. She was glad we had kept our friendship but she always pressed the fact that someday I would have to lower my guard and let love in before it was too late. I think I might need some of that positive reinforcement just about now.
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Urawa
Crown Café, Juuban District Tokyo
I'm sitting here staring at the cup of coffee that feels cold to my fingers. I keep rehearsing on my mind the elaborated speech I have prepared over the last two days for this occasion. I'm a nervous wreck, something that hasn't changed at all with the years, especially when it comes to Ami. I might still have some remaining psychic powers that lingered after the rainbow crystal was removed from me, but that hasn't improved my prowess or confidence at all when it comes to the fair sex. I only know another person who suffers from an even worse case of permanent shyness and I can see her right now opening the door of the café, scanning around until her blue gaze widens in acknowledgment of my presence. As expected, a slight shade of crimson that looks so cute on her colors her cheeks.
She seems slightly taller than last time we saw each other and even with the modest ensemble she seems to always favor, it is quite obvious she has turned into a most beautiful young woman. I'm not sure she has noticed it, but her entrance has caused a bit of a stir among the customers. It might be that her face results familiar from the newspapers or it is just the distinctive beauty of her trademark shock of short blue hair. I straighten myself and stand up in response of her arrival.
************************************************************************ *******
Ami
Crown Café, Juuban District Tokyo
After a long conversation with Mako-chan, who I’m quite sure is tagging along discretely with the rest of the girls (as if I haven’t participated myself in such adventures before), I arrive at the Crown Café with butterflies on my stomach but with the hope that this meeting might somehow help ease the restlessness inside me.
I open the door and look around, searching for the young man with the white polo shirt he anticipated he’ll be wearing and his familiar dark hair. I feel my cheeks blushing as I recognize him from the multitude of customers that gather the place. He seems somehow should I say broader, as if he had put on some muscle and it does suit him very well, I admit. That along with the fact that he still has those inscrutable dark eyes and thick dark hair that make me stare at him more than I intend to. The sensible conversation I had planned to offer suddenly is erased from my brain with the nervousness. What a moment for my synapses to suffer a breakdown, I think in frustration.
I will my feet to motion forward towards him and to the meeting that might change the way I see life until then.
************************************************************************ *******
At the Crown Café...
The blue-haired girl stood in front of the young man offering a soft smile and a reddish blush that stubbornly lingered on her cheeks. The young man offered a seat on his table, returning a somewhat nervous smile.
-“It’s great to see you again, Ryo,” the blue-haired girl said as she sat down.
-“I’m glad you’ve made it Ami.” Relief crossed the face of the young man in front of her.
-“it is always nice to see you in the flesh, not that I don’t enjoy our online conversations or the occasional games,” she replied with a pleasant smile.
-“Yeah, I’m still planning a strategy to beat you on ‘Age of Conquerors.’ I can’t still believe you won that last game. I had a stronger army...” the young man sighted loudly in frustration.
-“But I had better resources. Face it Ryo, my Spaniards beat the pulp out of your Persians and your pretty elephant cavalry.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously.
-“Rub it in Ms. Field Marshall. I should invoke a handicap for our next game. How can I be sure you’re not using any of the ‘abilities’ of that special computer of yours to plan the game strategy?”
-“I might as well invoke handicap too, **Mr. Precog.”
-“Okay, truce, truce, before you decide to launch the ***‘Armada Invencible’ against me again!” the dark-haired young man said lifting his hands in mock surrender.
The couple bursted in a heartily laughter, the small talk serving to dissolve the mutual anxiousness they shared. Suddenly, the blue-haired girl stood pensive, a question lingering on her eyes.
-“Ryo, I know you did not come all the way from Osaka just to talk about games.”
His smile faded as his countenance son mimicked Ami’s. Breathing in deeply he answered:
-“As much as I enjoy discussing game strategy with you, my invitation comes motivated by more serious matters.” A moment of silence invaded momentarily the table as both looked at their hands looking for a way to start the conversation. Clearing his throat, Urawa broke the awkward silence.
-“Ami-chan, I’ve be doing a lot of thinking lately. I’ve been thinking about me, about you and our relationship. I know we should be glad we have managed to keep it this long but...” he paused, as if he was searching for the right wording. His glance remained fixed down on his hands toying with the cup of coffee.
-“But...” echoed Ami. Urawa lifted his head and his glance locked on hers.
-“Ami, you know very well what I feel for you. Even with the distance and all the unusual things that have happened since we first met, my feelings for you have not changed.” - The determined tone on his words startled Ami slightly. She had always known of his affections towards hers but still it was quite touching to have them expressed out loud. Their relationship had always relegated the obviously romantic sentiments and a simpler yet enduring friendship instead had taken place. She breathed in deeply, in an effort to steady the emotions suddenly brewing inside.
-“Ryo...”
-“It’s not that I haven’t tried to conform myself to the present state of things. Heck, I even dated other girls.” - At the mention of ‘dating’ Ami couldn’t help showing an obvious disliking to the very real possibility of her dear friend in another female’s arms. Urawa paused momentarily, smiling inwardly at her reaction but quickly continued. -“After all we only had a friendship, my logic told me, but it was useless. Somehow, the dream that someday we might someday be together held me from falling in love with someone else. No matter how hard I tried, the truth was right there clear as a bell and yet the sound was muted with a ton of excuses. That I would stand in your way, that I would be only a distraction, that your duty was first and foremost, you name it...”
His eyes reflected the inner struggle, so similar to hers. Still, she resisted the emotion that was closing in on her soul, the one she sensed she couldn’t analyze like she did with almost everything else in her life and exclaimed:
-“But they weren’t excuses. You know at the time I had a very important job to perform and sometimes I didn’t even knew if I would make it in one piece. I would have hated myself if you suffered because of me.”
Urawa stared at Ami seriously and cupped one of her hands with his.
-“That is something you cannot control, Ami. There are things you must understand that are beyond your control and understanding, even to you and your superior intellect. You might wish your life and mine to be simple to understand and painless but yet you have experienced pain, loss, frustration and suffering. You have seen that not everything can be put under a microscope, analyzed and dissected. The wall that you have built around you hasn’t shielded you from experiencing any emotion, as you might sometimes wish, in order to makes things more simple. What you don’t see is that you are also keeping out so many good things that can be frightening too because they are unknown but why not give them a chance? Take a good look at yourself. You are much braver than you give yourself credit for. You could have shied away from your destiny as a Sailor Senshi but you took a step forward and never looked back.”
-“It’s not that I’ve never considered quitting. We’ve all admitted wanting to quit sometime...” the blue-haired girl said almost in embarrassment.
-“But you didn’t! Why then you have given away hope for us?” Frustration was clearly noticeable now on Urawa’s eyes. Almost in a whisper, she replied:
-“I...I have never given up hope, it’s just that I wasn’t sure if it was right moment then.”
-“And if you keep saying that, the right moment might never arrive.”
-“You don’t understand. I cannot allow you or anyone get too close yet...It is for our own good.”
-“There you go again,” he replied sternly. -“You have allowed everything to take priority over yourself, Ami. School, your duties as Sailor Mercury, helping others...Duty can be a demanding and selfish mistress, you know. I allowed it to control me for too long but I’ve grown tired of pushing my feelings aside just for duty’s sake. Don’t you get tired of it Ami, of the running away? Or is it that you never felt the same way I do for you?”
There was a hint of hopelessness on Urawa’s last words that tore at Ami’s heart. How he could believe she didn’t feel the same way...!
-“No, please don’t say that,” her voice breaking by the weight of the emotions erupting like a geyser. - “ I, I love you but this sensation is so exhilarating and yet so unknown that it frightens me. It is easy to witness love in others but for me it can be so confusing...”
Urawa opened his eyes wide in awe. Did she just said that she loved him? There was hope after all, he realized elated. His words seemed to had finally caved in at the solid protective boundaries of her inner self. Holding her hand tighter, he said in a tender voice:
-“Because it is not meant for you to experience it alone. If you would allow me to share it with you, it might turn not to be so confusing after all. We might not find the meaning of love in textbooks or uncover its endless mysteries but we can at least enjoy it...that is, if you halt your run and walk beside me instead. I love you too and I’m so glad I can finally say these words to you without feeling fear or guilt.”
They stared at each other in silence, the deep meaning of those three simple words they had exchanged seeping in, filling their hearts and souls of joy, banishing anxiety and fear away. All of a sudden, a shadow of doubt clouded Ami’s blue gaze.
-“But, there’s still the matter of distance and my *other* job...”
Urawa sighted loudly. The ever-present logic ways of her mind didn’t know when to take a rest! As his fingers touched slightly the strands of azure hair that fell over her temple, he replied with relaxed voice:
-“My powers aren’t too strong anymore but I can lend you a hand anytime you gals need it. I don’t mind having you go and save the world every now and then as long as I can remain by your side. It will not be worse than dating a police officer or a firefighter. Besides you also have to deal with my gift so we are pretty even there.”
-“Hmm, good point, but what about the fact that you live in another city? I’m afraid we cannot make this work if we are still physically apart and you drop by here only about twice a year.”
-“Oh, that.” Urawa smiled teasingly as he brought a envelope out and offered it to Ami. -“Read this.”
As she read the letter, a big smile illuminated her face. -“You’ve been accepted to Tokyo Daigaku?”
-“You’re not the only one with several college acceptance letters littering your desk, girl genius. You know that I have relatives living here and they are more than glad to have me around in a more permanent basis. I only need one more motivation to accept it of course...”
Words were not required at that moment as her loving and at last relaxed glance said it all. Sweetly she replied, staring lovingly to the object of her affections:
-“In that case, I’ll be more than glad to welcome you back, Ryo-chan.”
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Ami
As I wave Makoto, Rei, Minako and Usagi goodbye (while remembering with humor and embarrassment how I noticed their presence from another table at the café, their cover blown by Usagi’s and Minako’s enthusiastic clapping while Ryo and I kissed), I walk back home but I’m not alone.
The path to a new challenge upon us, adulthood, lays ahead as I leave the unforgettable memories of my school years behind and the amazing discovery of my identity as guardian of a magical world that existed long ago and will return to us one day. The lessons I have learned are engraved forever in my soul in my own blood and tears. I have even lived through death and rebirth. But this is only one side of the story. My memories are also filled with laughter, courage hope and love. I have been privileged enough to be more than just a witness; I lived through them all.
Every so often our existence, one is placed on a crossroad: two unknown paths leading to opposite destinies. Your decision at that very junction can shape your future, your destiny. As I walk with Ryo holding my hand, I know I’ve just passed through one. Even without his ability of precognition, I’m sure I’ve taken the right path. My road ahead seems bright again and full of hope. The emptiness has finally vacated my heart and in its place the feeling I had so denied it’s rightful place has come to stay: love.
The End
Glossary:
*Tokyo Daigaku: Tokyo University. Reference taken from the book “The Anime Companion” by Gilles Poitras. A must have to better understand the Japanese cultural references that are included in Anime and Manga.
**Ecclesiastes 1-18
+Precog: as in precognition. Term most recently used on Stephen Spielberg’s “Minority Report.”
++ Armada Invensible: The Invincible Armada, Spain’s navy during the 16th and 17th Century.
Author’s Notes:
There you have it, my first attempt on a Sailor Moon fanfic. This little story is an attempt to conciliate the huge gap that was left after Season I and Urawa’s whereabouts since then, leaving our poor Ami-chan without a boyfriend who seemed to be her right match. I’m still absorbing the 200 episodes of SM, so please don’t kill me if I didn’t get something right (braces for barrage of nit-picking fans).
This is sort of a sabbatical from my current Soul Calibur fics but in no way (hopefully) I plan to make this the only SM-based fic from my repertoire. You might feel free to check the SC ones too (shameless plug!)
Happy New Year 2004!