Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Hearts of Swords ❯ Chapter XI - Betrayal ( Chapter 11 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

* * * R E C A P * * *

Makoto could remember a time when she was living with her parents in a small
but quaint village. Her father was a farmer and her mother looked after her and
her little sister Megumi. Her childhood had been filled with happy memories,
and she still remembered her parents.

Then it had happened.

When she had been fourteen years old, she had met a girl. She couldn't remember
her name now, but she distinctly remembered the girl having the most abnormal
hair color; blue. Her hair had been blue and she had wondered if the girl was a
freak. Upon having approached the girl, she immediately felt bad because she
could see the pain and the loneliness in the girl.

So she had befriended her.

Only to find out a year later that her friend was a part of the Fukushima clan
and therefore a participant of the plan that had razed her village to the
ground.

She had met a warrior with golden hair and held a katana like a vengeful God,
killing her opposition with a cold ruthlessness. She had fled with her life
but her family had not been so lucky. When she returned, her village had been
burned to the ground, but most of the villagers were alive. Her home and her
father's small rice field had been destroyed, reduced to nothing but charred
remains.

That was the day she had screamed in pain, and had vowed never to love again.
Even now, she did not love. She could like and enjoy, but never love. It was a
vulnerability that she could not afford. In a way, she was like Usagi, but also
different in many ways.

She was not as heartless as Usagi. The girl had left Rei helpless and miserable
in Kyoto while she went gallivanting in Kamakura with her former lover and her
enemy.

But she could not be angry or hold Usagi at fault. If there was one thing she
had learned while growing up is that never to judge anything by its outer
appearance. By the looks of this situation, she could sense something deeper,
more painful and foreboding. Setsuna had been ill at ease for the past several
days and she found herself trying to remember the name of her blue haired
friend.

Just as she was about to return home for the night, something struck her. And
she knew. And shook in rage.

Mizuno Ami.

* * * * *

Usagi rested her back against the wall, the material of the kimono sliding
against her skin. It felt foreign on her, and she wished that she could slip
back into her well-worn hakama and gi. However, she was a guest here and she
would act accordingly. That was the only thing she could offer.

Memories closed in on her, and she felt as if she was suffocating, the darkness
hunting her like a predator with its prey. She felt claustrophobic; she needed
to leave here. She did not belong her, never had. She would *never* belong in
Kamakura, where her life had begun and ended.

In her mind, she could hear the screams of the villagers all over again, and
feel the burning hot flames of a town being torched. She stood by, watching in
morbid fascination as the people and the town went up in flames, heard their
agonized screams of help as they were burned alive. Charred flesh fluttered to
the ground in flakes, and the stifling stench of burnt flesh permeated the air.

Blood splashed on the ground, the comforting weight of her katana held in her
hands as she sped through the plains, mountains, forests and towns. The edge of
her blade stood as the glorious hope for a new Japan. In a twisted way, she was
an artisan, shaping and molding the world to a new image. An image of peace and
prosperity. Obstruction was not an option; these men were an obstruction. They
needed to be taken out of the path. So she continued to swing her katana, and
more crimson red stained the ground.

Oddly, no matter how much she washed herself, the crimson blood stayed on her
skin. A reminder of who she was and of her sins. It was a mark of those who
were haunted and inhuman. Killers who fought in the name of justice, yet death
was not justice. Justice was a vague concept and they all fought for an unknown
cause. Was it just for the sake of war that they fought? Killing needlessly and
spilling blood across the plains of their homeland?

Her unseeing eyes looked down to her hands where she could see the red blood,
and this blood would never wash off. To those who did not know, they would
never understand what it meant to take a life. And she hoped that they never
did, because it would destroy what little innocence they had left.

"I can't wash off the blood..." she murmured. "Never will I be able to wash
off the blood of the countless people I've killed. Their blood is what I bathe
in, and what I *will* bathe in for the rest of my lives. It is something I now
understand that I cannot atone for."

If it was possible to paint the melancholy image that she depicted; a scarred,
vulnerable girl on the verge of womanhood who was a killer more ruthless than
any man alive and bathed in crimson, they would have run away screaming in
horror and madness. A single tear fell from her eye and traced a wet path down
her pale cheek.

"How much longer must I continue? I promised to myself and upon my brother and
my parents' grave that I would not set foot into my home until I have avenged
their deaths..."

"But I still love him okaasan...and I love Rei. I don't want to have to kill
anymore...but I have to, don't I? I have to keep killing and killing until
they realize that killing really won't solve anything, or they understand that
those who kill will fall prey to madness. Like I am. My grip on reality is
slipping and I'm afraid...afraid that what precious love I have left will be
nothing but a ghostly dream and the love I know will have been an apparition
of an insane, cold girl."

"Okaasan...I'm so cold and so lost. I'm so tired okaasan, so very tired of
living. Tasukete yo okaasan...tasukete..."

"I miss you...oniichan...tasukete," she whispered.


* * END CHAPTER X * *

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H E A R T S O F S W O R D S

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"My everything you were my world
For you I would do almost anything
Just to make you happy baby
Gave all my heart gave all my time
My faith in you had me so blind
Never saw the heart break coming..."

Chapter XI - Betrayal
[Sengoku Period, 1512]


[***1505, a village near Edo, Japan. Kanto Region.***]

"'kaachan!" I call.

I carefully make my way to the back of our house and am greeted by the sight of
my mother doing the laundry. She smiles at me before returning her attention to
the white cloths hanging on the lines. I sit on the small wooden steps and
swing my legs idly. My father is cutting logs while my mother has my baby
brother with her.

"Rei-chan, can you hold on to your brother for a little bit?" my mother asks.

"Hai!" I chirp.

Helping my mother is always fun. Baby Takeru is a bit noisy though. I wrinkle
my nose at him and he gurgles. I trot back to my spot on the porch as I hold
him in my arms. For someone who is three years old, he is very heavy. His eyes
are brown, while mine are purple like my mother's eyes.

"Rei-chan, Takeru-chan!" my father calls.

My father walks towards us, smiling like he always does. He picks up Takeru and
swings him around in the air. I get up and hug my father. He is always working
in the fields and comes home tired. This is one of the days that he does not
have to be at the fields; my uncle is there working instead.

He takes my hand and leads my brother and me back into the house. He tells me
to watch my brother before going outside again. Holding Takeru in my arms, I
peer outside from behind the slightly open shoji and I see a tall man standing
there. He says something to my father and then my father gets angry. He starts
to shout.

Takeru whimpers, he doesn't like loud noises. I take him back to our room and
begin humming a song that my mother taught me. It's called 'Fragments of
Memories'. Takeru likes the song because mother sings it to us before we go to
bed.

The shouting outside gets louder and not even Takeru's favorite song can calm
him down. He begins to cry and wail. I hold him tighter and hope that it stops.
My father looks very scary when he's angry. The strage man's voice gets louder
and the shouting continues. My mother suddenly runs in and holds us.

"'kaachan, I'm scared" I whimper.

She holds us and says, "Don't worry, everything will be okay."

* * * * *

The rays of the sun shone on her face, slivers of light dancing across her eyes
and her room. She did not want to get up; forever wanting to be lost in the
depths of her dream. Only cold, harsh reality waited for her when she opened
her eyes and she did not want to face it without her love.

However, she knew that no amount of wishful thinking would bring back her
wayward lover from her narrow path of vengeance and penance. So she resigned
herself to the fact that she would never feel such all-consuming love again.

"But to have shared one moment..."

"...was enough..."

"...Wasn't it?"

There was no reply.

* * * * *

Haruka watched with mild disinterest as the ebony-haired girl shuffled into the
main room. There was an air of melancholy and longing about her, but she did
not say a word. In these circumstances, nothing could be said that would soothe
her troubled mind and heal her broken heart. So she opted to stay silent.

(Take care of her. I know that I can't stay here forever. When I leave, I beg
of you, take care of her so that if I come back...she won't have to be in pain
because of me. I will never come back *to* her, but I will come back. That is a
promise I made to myself. And to her.)

Michiru walked in and sat down at her side, murmuring her greeting. The blond
woman clenched her left hand into a fist but made no sound. There was just too
much pain and suffering around here.

"I'm going out" Rei declared abruptly.

In the blink of an eye, the dark haired teenager was out the door. The only
evidence of her presence was the look of resignation in Haruka's eyes, and the
lingering smell of jasmine and woodsmoke.

"Damn that girl..."

"Who, Rei?" Michiru queried.

"No. Usagi," the older blond bit out sharply.

Pulling Haruka closer, the aqua-haired woman sighed deeply. "Darling, you know
that Usagi *had* to leave. We couldn't have stopped her."

"But...to leave her so callously, that's what makes me angry. One night and
then disappears into the night with nothing but a paper full of excuses? It was
cruel and Rei didn't deserve it." Haruka said coldly.

'Yes', Michiru silently agreed. 'It was wrong and unjust, but there are very
few circumstances in life where people do deserve what happens to them, but
more often than not, they do not deserve it. But who are we to say or do
anything to change it?'

She retained her silence as Haruka seethed quietly but then soon calmed. Makoto
walked into the main room and sat down, mumbling a greeting in between yawns.
Setsuna came in shortly after, looking dazed and disoriented.

"Is everything all right, Setsuna?" Haruka queried.

Crimson red eyes snapped back from its dazed, unseeing gaze to an attentive,
guarded look. The woman smiled softly. "I'm fine, Haruka. Just had an odd dream
last night, that's all."

The others nodded and conversation soon picked up, the food served having been
devoured and Michiru cleaned the dishes.

Yet another day in this patchwork family had begun.

* * * * *

[***1506, a village near Edo, Japan. Kanto Region.***]

I am huddled in a corner of my room, shaking. I hurt all over, and I don't
understand. What did I do wrong to be hurt this way?

Demon child is what they call me. They all tease me and hurt me because of my
eyes. My purple eyes. It's not my fault, I always say. But they don't listen to
me. They don't care. Other kids throw rocks at me or hit me and kick dirt into
my face. I hurt so much.

My mother always tells me to ignore what they say because she has my eyes too,
and she loves me. But it's so hard to ignore, mommy. I want to play with them.
I want to run with them and laugh with them, but they hurt me.

I'm only ten years old, and they always hurt me. Why? I didn't do anything
wrong...did I?

I feel gentle arms holding me and I shake harder. The arms belong to my mother
and I know that she can feel my small body shaking. I can hear my mother's
silky voice whispering to me. "Everything's all right honey. They can't hurt
you now."

Nothing's okay anymore. I just...just wish that I could stop hurting.

* * * * *

The sound of tinkling laughter shook her out of her reverie. Looking for the
source of it, she saw several children running and laughing together. Her heart
clenched. How she wished she could have joined those children when she was
their age.

No, her "demon eyes" had all but destroyed her life. Shunned by the children
and even the adults in their village, their family had been outcasts in the
village. Even now she was still an outcast.

Forgotten, abused and neglected by people and the old society, she wondered if
things would ever truly change. The ideals that the clans fought for were very
idealistic and romantic. But not realistic.

Too many people held on to the age-old beliefs and traditions, and to change a
society was a difficult thing to do. The elderly were biased, the young were
carefree and the adults were ignorant. Changing the basis of human beliefs was
almost impossible.

But nothing was truly impossible.

She knew this from personal experience. Hino Rei had once thought that it was
impossible for her to ever love someone again, after enduring the abuse and the
neglect just over three years ago. She was proven wrong. Tsukino Usagi had
waltzed into her life and changed her forever. Her mind, body, heart and soul
belonged to the diminutive blond with the heart of gold and the blade of death.

To love someone so wholly and unconditionally...it frightened her like nothing
else. To be so terribly vulnerable and helpless was to have no control. She
*needed* control in her life. She had once lived without it and had nearly died
because of it.

Unbidden, more painful memories arose at the last thought.

* * * * *

[***1507, Kyoto, Japan. Kanagawa Prefecture.***]

It's very hot. Burning hot.

Everything around us is burning and I can hear screams. People are desperate to
escape. Pain. There's nothing but pain and searing flames.

My father pushes me away and I'm carried off by my uncle as he runs with me in
his arms. I scream and struggle against my uncle, calling for my parents. But
I wish I didn't look.

A tall man in black runs to our home just as my mother and my baby brother runs
out. He swings his katana and kills them both. I can hear my mother scream and
fall to the wooden porch in a heap of blood. My baby brother is lying next to
her, bleeding and dead.

Tears run down my face and I desperately struggle; I want to go to my father!

"Ojisan! Let me go!" I shout.

"Rei, we *must* get away. Your father gave you to me so he can save you," my
ojisan says. We are now far away from our burning village.

"Okaasan...otousan...otouto...all dead..." I whimper.

"Rei-chan, you're still alive. Be thankful," ojisan answers me quietly. He hugs
me, but it's not the same.

It'll never be the same ever again.

And all I can do is cry.

* * * * *

Startled from her memories, she found herself standing at the edge of town. It
was the serene, less destroyed part of Kyoto, where a small grove of cherry
blossom trees grew. It was almost winter now, and the blossoms had finally died
for the year. But they would bloom once more when spring would come.

Her eyes blurred with tears as she desperately tried to push away her past. To
this day, the dying scream of her mother and brother still reverberated in her
mind like a painful, haunting echo.

In a flash, something struck her. The cherry blossom trees...this was where
Usagi used to find sanctuary. And with this observation came a swift rush of
familiar pain and anger. Memories of their passionate night came back to her,
taunting her with its utterly futility. It was a sin, steeped in the purest of
lust and darkness, but a slice of heaven she would give her life over to feel
again.

"Arasou munashisa subete no hito kizukeba kagayaku hi wa noboru sono toki made
inoru kara..." (1)

"How true that rings," a voice interjected.

She whirled around to find Setsuna standing there, watching her with amusement
in her eyes. Before she could catch it, another emotion flashed quickly before
disappearing.

"How did you find me?" Rei queried.

"I followed you." Setsuna answered with a casual shrug. "It wasn't too hard."

The dark haired girl turned her back and allowed her gaze to wander to the
horizon. It was still midday; the cold breeze of November whistling through the
streets.

Setsuna remained silent, not pressing the younger girl to speak. It would only
result in her becoming more withdrawn. So she remained still and silent. After
a short pause, Rei began to speak.

"I thought that she would be different from the others...but I'm beginning to
think that everyone is just the same. I'm nothing but a toy to them; to use and
abandon when they're done with me. But..."

"...With her, I don't mind. I know it sounds so messed up, ludicrous, but when
it's Usagi...I don't mind in the least. I *want* her to use me, just so that I
can feel again, feel that at least *someone* loves me enough to--"

The sound of flesh against flesh cut off her speech. Startled, Rei looked up at
the older woman in surprise. Setsuna was no longer calm, but highly perturbed.
"Don't you *DARE* believe that that is all you're worth! If anything, it is
*Usagi* who doesn't deserve you! She is cowardly, weak and heartless! She does
not care about anyone!"

Subdued amethyst met blazing crimson; boring into each other until one gave. It
was Rei who stepped back and murmured, "You misunderstand me Setsuna."

Confused ginger looked into warm lavendar. Something nagged at her to let it be
and she quietly agreed. The two remained silent as they made their way back to
their home, leaving the dying leaves to their business.

Behind them, the leaves were blown away by the wind and scattered across the
streets...

...strangely resembling the scattered bodies of the dead that lay in hundreds
over the plains of Japan.

* * * * *

[***1509, Kyoto, Japan. Kanagawa Prefecture.***]

I carefully made my way through the streets, making sure to stay hidden. I am
one of the few that tries to survive on the streets. I have nowhere else to go.
Ojisan died shortly after smuggling me to Kyoto and now I'm alone in the world.

Today is the day that my family died before my eyes. I can still hear their
dying screams and the blood that spills from my mother and my brother. The
katana sings as it kills and I try my best not to cry.

My kimono is stained but still very clean. I straighten the obi before I step
out onto the main street, carefully keeping my expression neutral.

There!

I hide a smile before I make my way to my target, and then bump into them. The
man is big and burly. Just as I bump into him, I take the pouch hanging from
his obi. I just smile demurely and apologize politely, hiding the sack that I
stole.

Then I make my way.

"That's a fancy trick you've done, but you won't get away from me," I hear.

I whip around and pale. It's the man. He caught me!

Trembling, I try to run but he grabs my wrist in an iron grip and then sneers
at me. Something incredibly hard slams into my stomach; my breath is taken from
my body. More hits rain on my body and I can't move.

Everything turns to black shortly after.

* * * * *

In her mind, she could hear the disembodies voices of those long dead or gone
from her life. Reverberating and rippling like waves. Her inner peace was
broken, the sanctum of her mind horribly defaced by the demons that haunted her
and wanted to kill her.

'Worthless, utterly useless!'

'You whore!'

'You don't deserve to live!'

She desperately wanted to scream, to repel the voices that pushed against her,
made her feel claustrophobic and terrified. She felt as if she was ten years
old again. The rejection that had been thrown into her face, the taunts and the
abuse she received.

Nothing was real for her anymore. She was alone in the world, and she would
remain alone for the rest of her miserable, futile existence. Cold, silent
tears streamed down her face. She was alone tonight in her room and it would
most likely stay this way for a long time.

Her love, so unattainable and immortal, yet so real and so warm. Usagi was a
beacon of light midst a world of darkness, offering a fragile hope to those who
did not remember how to hope. She resembled what society had so cruelly erased
from their lives. Peace.

But she wanted to be with her, to soothe away the nightmares and to be the one
who picked up the broken pieces of a girl long dead. Her heart ached as she
desperately tried to close her emotions away, but she found that she could not.
She loved too deeply, felt too strongly to ever deny what they had shared for
such a short time.

Love. Such a simple word conveying a message so deep and complex in its sheer
simplicity. Utter devotion, trust and vulnerability; symbolized in a single
word. But their love...was it truly love?

Safety, comfort and passion was shared between them, a charge of sensuous lust
and dark urges sparked between them, but could that be called 'love'? They were
not devoted to each other, could not afford to be vulnerable or to trust. In
these times of strife and chaos, everyone was an enemy.

"If what we share is not love nor lust, then what is it?" she asked the empty
room.

"I say I love her. I can devote myself to her if I must, but to be vulnerable
means to risk being hurt. I can't...I *won't* take that risk. I trust her, but
I still can't be vulnerable. *She* can't be vulnerable, she can't trust and she
can't be devoted. Ever. So what does that make us?"

If someone could have answered, they could not.

Simply because these questions *had* no answers.

Hino Rei cried herself to sleep that night, wondering where her lost lover was
and why she was damned to suffer...

...why she was damned to be betrayed.

* * * * *

And over the horizon on that dark night, a shadowmare rode through the plains,
the course clear and unobstructed, motives plain and simple.

Mizuno Ami would complete her mission.

Hino Rei would regret that she became involved in this web of lies, sin, blood
and betrayal.

*She* would make sure of it.

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Author's Notes:

Writer's block can kiss my ass. >_< This shouldn't be called a writer's block.
I call this *SCHOOL*. Thank God for Winter Break. :) Yes, I know that this
chapter is long past overdue but at least I didn't abandon it. I'm struggling
to get my marks up to par so that I don't screw up my chances to get accepted
into university.

This chapter is one of the shortest and is the final turning point in the
story. From here, I will tell you one thing:

EVERYTHING GOES STRAIGHT DOWN THE HILL AND INTO THE PROVERBIAL PIT OF HELL

:) Sounds so damn fun, doesn't it? (Sarcasm ends here.)

Anyways, feedback is appreciated. Huge, unmentionable thanks to my lovely
colleague Byakko Rei for the encouragement. Next chapter will be more promising
and active. Less angst, more violence. I think I should really drop the whole
'romance' concept in this thing. o_O It's barely there and you have no idea how
hard I've been kicking myself for that.

Enough of my ramblings.

See you in Chapter 12 - Revelations.

PS: 'Fragments of Memories' is a song from Final Fantasy VIII. ;) It's the song
that plays everytime they recall their past. Not taken to the past by
Ellone, but remembering by themselves, especially at their Orphanage.

[E-mail: sherazard_@hotmail.com]
[Website: http://ashura.br0ken.org]
[Weblog: http://ashura.br0ken.org/blog/index.php]

1st draft: Completed. (12.24.2002)

TRANSLATION:

(o)kaachan - Mother, mom.
ojisan - Uncle
(o)touchan - Father, dad
otouto - little brother

(1) - Arasou munashisa subete no hito
*(If everyone could realize the ineffectiveness of fighting)*
kizukeba kagayaku hi wa noboru
*(then shining sunlight would ascend to us)*
sono toki made inoru kara...
*(Until that time, I will pray, so...)*

Resources:

http://home.austin.rr.com/scajapan/HIS TORY.HTM
http://victorian.fortunecity.com/duchamp/410/shogun.html
h ttp://home.earthlink.net/~steinrl/glossary.htm