Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ If Only ❯ If Only ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: sailor_angie 
If Only expands on a love triangle in Sailor Moon, based on a true story. Some ppl might be out of character, sorry.
Anime/Manga: Sailor Moon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.03.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.1K | Visits: 272 | Status: Completed
If Only expands on a love triangle in Sailor Moon, based on a true story. Some ppl might be out of character, sorry.
Anime/Manga: Sailor Moon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 09.03.2001 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.1K | Visits: 272 | Status: Completed
AN: This is yet another alternate reality fic. It's prolly been done before, but the reason
I'm doing this is because this is something that has happened to me. The best way I feel
to express this would be to write. So here's my fic. Hope you like it.
*If Only-Prologue
By:Someone
Rated: PG-15(complex situations)
I thought of Darien so deeply, over the past few months we had become great
friends. It was then that he told me his secret. How he kept it from me, or why he chose
to tell me is something I only wish I knew, but what could I do. Darien liked Raye. I
can't be more blunt than that. He would call me just to talk, but it always turned to her.
Come to think of it, Raye and I had gotten closer too. At the moment she had a
boyfriend. A guy from some other school, I didn't know him; I don't think she did either.
In my head I hoped that she would stay with him forever, and I would always have that
million to one shot that he returned my feelings. I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want
him to know unless he was ready to love me the way I wanted him to. Sure that might
sound picky, or selfish, but I put aside my feelings, and dreams, and visions; all for his
happiness.
So now I'm stuck in the middle again, with both coming to me. With the heavy
burden of too many secrets. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm going to die. Not from regular
things, but from not being loved. Darien was everything, and more that I ever wanted.
What did he see in Raye that I didn't have. It wasn't intelligence, I started to keep up on
my studies, and with Amy's help I get strait A's! You'd think I would still be a klutz but
that's stopped too. Was he doing all these things to me. I mean what did Raye have,
what was so god damn special about her that he had such feelings for her.
Raye was a real player, I'm sure he didn't know that. Even if he did, he prolly
sub-consciously brushed it away though it had no effect on him whatsoever. By the time I
was done with him he'd know how many hearts she'd broken. Not including his own 9
months ago. He was going to get hurt, I didn't want to give him away, I loved him. I
wouldn't admit it to anybody but Mina but I loved him.
Yes Mina had helped me tremendously through my affairs. Without her I think I
would have committed suicide by now. Oh and I can't forget Lita. She never really new
what was going on, but she always offered a shoulder to cry on with out explanations
necessary. Amy, Mina and Lita were the light in my life, cracking jokes to keep me on my
good side. Secretly knowing that I would always put on a happy face for everyone but
myself. Now the time had come to fight for him, Raye had just called; she broke up with
her boyfriend.
*If Only-Part 1:Hanging On For Dear Life
"It's alright Raye, he didn't deserve you anyways." I stated dryly to her. Sounds
mean but I had heard the same speech so many times that I lost track.
"You're right Serena, I'm better than him. I don't know why I even liked him in
the first place!"
"Right!" I fakingly encouraged.
"So you've been talking to Darien a lot lately, what's up?"
I suddenly got defensive, "Darien, oh he's a jerk as usual." I lied.
"Oh. . ." She trailed off.
"Raye, I hope you're not planning on doing anything stupid."
"Stupid? What do you think I'm gonna ask him out or something. Darien; I don't
think so."
"Yah what was I thinking." I let out a relieved sigh.
"Why would you think something like that?" She seemed confused.
'Alright Serena think fast, need an excuse. . .' "Nevermind. I have to go I'll talk
to you tomorrow okay Raye. Yup; bye." Before letting her get in a final word I clicked
the receiver on the jack.
How dare she try to move in on him. 'Look at what you're doing to your self,
acting like he's yours to have. How dare Raye. . . how dare you Serena, think that he is a
possession to be won.'
*If Only-Part 2: Reality Comes Thundering Down
"Serena did you hear!" Darien seemed more excited that he's been in a long while.
"What? You mean that thing about Raye; big deal."
"Big deal?!?! Serena, how can you say this after you've known my secret for so
long."
"Don't even tell me that you're going to ask her so soon after she broke up with
him!? Haven't you ever heard of the 21 day rule. She's heart-broken right now. I
actually talked to her about you, and she said though I'm sorry to admit it, that she
doesn't like you."
He breathed hard on the phone in exasperation. "Really."
"I'm sorry Darien, just wait it out, and I'm sure she'll wake up and smell the
roses."
"Yah," He tried to sound happy. "I'm sure you're right Serena. You would know
right."
"Sure." I hated lying to him, knowing that I was ruining everything for him.
"I'm gonna go, I have to think things over."
"Sure." I sighed inwardly. "Good bye Darien; call me if you want anything okay."
"Bye." There was a click and the phone was dead.
I started to cry. 9 months ago I had gotten smarter, stopped being a klutz, and a
cry baby. How could I help it though. I was loosing him, fast. It suddenly hit me, I
couldn't keep him from her anymore.
*If Only-Part 3: Friendship Is What Keeps Us Alive
"You can't win it all Serena." Mina wrapped her arm around me, in an attempt to
hug me; I pushed her away.
"You can do so much better than him." Ami chirped.
"I know, but he's the only one that I want." I started to cry again, "I hate him for
doing this to me, but I love him for simply being him."
"Guys are scum, if only they were made from the ones in my romance novels.
We'd have it made wouldn't we!" Lita pondered thoughtfully.
"Yah we would." I tried to smile. It came out weakly though.
"That a girl." Mina hugged me again, this time I welcomed it though.
*If Only-Part 4: Letting Go
"I'm going to ask her out, even if she says no, I don't want to go on not knowing
what she would say." He confided.
"Darien, you don't know her; you don't know what she's really like." I scrambled
desperately. 'Stupid, now what are you going to say. Yah that's right go ahead, and
break his heart with your words. That would go over very smoothly. Oh yah, and while
you're at it tell him that you're in love with him'
"What were you going to say?"
"She'll break your heart Darien. She doesn't care about you. She will just use you
as a crutch until she feels that she is healed, then she go as soon as she came." I knew that
my words were sinking in.
"She is the only one I want to break my heart." His words stung my heart.
Boiling tears burned my face. Darien would never know of the pain I was suffering on the
other line.
"Good luck." I struggled to get out sincerely; which it did barely, and hung up.
*If Only-Part 5: So This Is Good-Bye
I sat in my room. Alone, and depressed. It was over. Darien had asked Raye out,
it was time to say good bye to what I had tried to prolong for longer than it should have
gone. The time had come, I sat down, and I decided that he had to know.
Nobody, not even Amy knew about Ms. Haruna's offer. She told me that I could
go to Hawaii. They spoke both Japanese, and English there. She said she felt that I
would be ready. Now I knew that I was. I called Mina, she said she would gather up
Lita, and Amy to say good bye.
********************************
"I know that I should have told you, but I think it will be better this way."
We all said our good byes, and at that moment I truly knew that I was making a
good decision.
"What will I do with out you Serena?" Mina whispered as she hugged me.
"Live your life with love, and never get in a position where the only thing you can
ask yourself is 'if only. . .' Promise me."
"I promise." A tear rolled down her face.
"And one more thing," I pulled an envelope out of my pocket. "please give this to
Darien for me."
"Sure." She managed a smile, then I was surrounded by them all in a group hug.
"I love you guys, I'll be back, and while I'm there, I won't forget you."
********************************
I sat on the plane remembering exactly what I had written in my letter to Darien.
Dear Darien,
I love you Darien, and I know that sounds completely off the wall, but every time I
mumbled it in front of you I meant it. If you had only known, I know this only makes your
life worse, but I can't just give you away to Raye with out you knowing. I mean love is so
incredibly easy to feel, but really the hardest thing to say. I've put aside my feelings for
so long just for your happiness, but now I need you to know, to know how things really
are. It really kills me inside when you're with her, and I'm really afraid for you, and for
myself. Only because I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to have these feelings for
you but I can't stop it. It really broke my heart when Raye broke up with that guy, and I
knew that I had lost you. I felt horrible because you were the one in the whole world that
could understand what I was going through because you had just been through it for the
past 9 months, and I couldn't tell you. You Darien, (dare I say it now but) my best
friend. I had to keep this from you and I absolutely went mad inside knowing that you
could never feel the same about me. But now it's over, and I have nothing left to fight
for, I let go of the ledge I've been hanging onto for an eternity.
Good Bye
It really brought a tear to my eye thinking, and knowing that I left everything, and
that I left my best crush behind me. The guy that could make me happy, sad, heartbroken,
and angry at the same time. Happy just knowing him; hoping that I had a chance. Sad
thinking that he would never get anything but hurt out of his new relationship.
Heartbroken feeling like I had just given away my life force; swallowing my pride and
emotions for his 'girlfriend' that wanted nothing more than any boyfriend. And lastly
angry because I gave him my heart, and he never even knew what he really had. I left him,
and all those thing behind me. In Tokyo, Japan.
AN: The characters in here, express the personalities of my friends. I won't mention the
people in here, to those of you that helped me through my crisis, I'll never forget it.
Obviously I am the main character, the other people in here I will not mention their names,
in an attempt to protect my self. Unfortunately in reality I was not able to move away,
and 'Darien' and I are talking again. Still it hurts me to think of him and 'Raye' in a
relationship that won't last, and I'll never be in.
I know it's dark, I usually don't write these, but it helped. Mail is a good thing! This
should be appearing only on Sailor @ngie's Site (http://zap.to/animesite) so just mail her
(sailor_angie@hotmail.com) if you want to talk with me, and she'll give you my addy.
I'm doing this is because this is something that has happened to me. The best way I feel
to express this would be to write. So here's my fic. Hope you like it.
*If Only-Prologue
By:Someone
Rated: PG-15(complex situations)
I thought of Darien so deeply, over the past few months we had become great
friends. It was then that he told me his secret. How he kept it from me, or why he chose
to tell me is something I only wish I knew, but what could I do. Darien liked Raye. I
can't be more blunt than that. He would call me just to talk, but it always turned to her.
Come to think of it, Raye and I had gotten closer too. At the moment she had a
boyfriend. A guy from some other school, I didn't know him; I don't think she did either.
In my head I hoped that she would stay with him forever, and I would always have that
million to one shot that he returned my feelings. I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want
him to know unless he was ready to love me the way I wanted him to. Sure that might
sound picky, or selfish, but I put aside my feelings, and dreams, and visions; all for his
happiness.
So now I'm stuck in the middle again, with both coming to me. With the heavy
burden of too many secrets. Sometimes I'm afraid I'm going to die. Not from regular
things, but from not being loved. Darien was everything, and more that I ever wanted.
What did he see in Raye that I didn't have. It wasn't intelligence, I started to keep up on
my studies, and with Amy's help I get strait A's! You'd think I would still be a klutz but
that's stopped too. Was he doing all these things to me. I mean what did Raye have,
what was so god damn special about her that he had such feelings for her.
Raye was a real player, I'm sure he didn't know that. Even if he did, he prolly
sub-consciously brushed it away though it had no effect on him whatsoever. By the time I
was done with him he'd know how many hearts she'd broken. Not including his own 9
months ago. He was going to get hurt, I didn't want to give him away, I loved him. I
wouldn't admit it to anybody but Mina but I loved him.
Yes Mina had helped me tremendously through my affairs. Without her I think I
would have committed suicide by now. Oh and I can't forget Lita. She never really new
what was going on, but she always offered a shoulder to cry on with out explanations
necessary. Amy, Mina and Lita were the light in my life, cracking jokes to keep me on my
good side. Secretly knowing that I would always put on a happy face for everyone but
myself. Now the time had come to fight for him, Raye had just called; she broke up with
her boyfriend.
*If Only-Part 1:Hanging On For Dear Life
"It's alright Raye, he didn't deserve you anyways." I stated dryly to her. Sounds
mean but I had heard the same speech so many times that I lost track.
"You're right Serena, I'm better than him. I don't know why I even liked him in
the first place!"
"Right!" I fakingly encouraged.
"So you've been talking to Darien a lot lately, what's up?"
I suddenly got defensive, "Darien, oh he's a jerk as usual." I lied.
"Oh. . ." She trailed off.
"Raye, I hope you're not planning on doing anything stupid."
"Stupid? What do you think I'm gonna ask him out or something. Darien; I don't
think so."
"Yah what was I thinking." I let out a relieved sigh.
"Why would you think something like that?" She seemed confused.
'Alright Serena think fast, need an excuse. . .' "Nevermind. I have to go I'll talk
to you tomorrow okay Raye. Yup; bye." Before letting her get in a final word I clicked
the receiver on the jack.
How dare she try to move in on him. 'Look at what you're doing to your self,
acting like he's yours to have. How dare Raye. . . how dare you Serena, think that he is a
possession to be won.'
*If Only-Part 2: Reality Comes Thundering Down
"Serena did you hear!" Darien seemed more excited that he's been in a long while.
"What? You mean that thing about Raye; big deal."
"Big deal?!?! Serena, how can you say this after you've known my secret for so
long."
"Don't even tell me that you're going to ask her so soon after she broke up with
him!? Haven't you ever heard of the 21 day rule. She's heart-broken right now. I
actually talked to her about you, and she said though I'm sorry to admit it, that she
doesn't like you."
He breathed hard on the phone in exasperation. "Really."
"I'm sorry Darien, just wait it out, and I'm sure she'll wake up and smell the
roses."
"Yah," He tried to sound happy. "I'm sure you're right Serena. You would know
right."
"Sure." I hated lying to him, knowing that I was ruining everything for him.
"I'm gonna go, I have to think things over."
"Sure." I sighed inwardly. "Good bye Darien; call me if you want anything okay."
"Bye." There was a click and the phone was dead.
I started to cry. 9 months ago I had gotten smarter, stopped being a klutz, and a
cry baby. How could I help it though. I was loosing him, fast. It suddenly hit me, I
couldn't keep him from her anymore.
*If Only-Part 3: Friendship Is What Keeps Us Alive
"You can't win it all Serena." Mina wrapped her arm around me, in an attempt to
hug me; I pushed her away.
"You can do so much better than him." Ami chirped.
"I know, but he's the only one that I want." I started to cry again, "I hate him for
doing this to me, but I love him for simply being him."
"Guys are scum, if only they were made from the ones in my romance novels.
We'd have it made wouldn't we!" Lita pondered thoughtfully.
"Yah we would." I tried to smile. It came out weakly though.
"That a girl." Mina hugged me again, this time I welcomed it though.
*If Only-Part 4: Letting Go
"I'm going to ask her out, even if she says no, I don't want to go on not knowing
what she would say." He confided.
"Darien, you don't know her; you don't know what she's really like." I scrambled
desperately. 'Stupid, now what are you going to say. Yah that's right go ahead, and
break his heart with your words. That would go over very smoothly. Oh yah, and while
you're at it tell him that you're in love with him'
"What were you going to say?"
"She'll break your heart Darien. She doesn't care about you. She will just use you
as a crutch until she feels that she is healed, then she go as soon as she came." I knew that
my words were sinking in.
"She is the only one I want to break my heart." His words stung my heart.
Boiling tears burned my face. Darien would never know of the pain I was suffering on the
other line.
"Good luck." I struggled to get out sincerely; which it did barely, and hung up.
*If Only-Part 5: So This Is Good-Bye
I sat in my room. Alone, and depressed. It was over. Darien had asked Raye out,
it was time to say good bye to what I had tried to prolong for longer than it should have
gone. The time had come, I sat down, and I decided that he had to know.
Nobody, not even Amy knew about Ms. Haruna's offer. She told me that I could
go to Hawaii. They spoke both Japanese, and English there. She said she felt that I
would be ready. Now I knew that I was. I called Mina, she said she would gather up
Lita, and Amy to say good bye.
********************************
"I know that I should have told you, but I think it will be better this way."
We all said our good byes, and at that moment I truly knew that I was making a
good decision.
"What will I do with out you Serena?" Mina whispered as she hugged me.
"Live your life with love, and never get in a position where the only thing you can
ask yourself is 'if only. . .' Promise me."
"I promise." A tear rolled down her face.
"And one more thing," I pulled an envelope out of my pocket. "please give this to
Darien for me."
"Sure." She managed a smile, then I was surrounded by them all in a group hug.
"I love you guys, I'll be back, and while I'm there, I won't forget you."
********************************
I sat on the plane remembering exactly what I had written in my letter to Darien.
Dear Darien,
I love you Darien, and I know that sounds completely off the wall, but every time I
mumbled it in front of you I meant it. If you had only known, I know this only makes your
life worse, but I can't just give you away to Raye with out you knowing. I mean love is so
incredibly easy to feel, but really the hardest thing to say. I've put aside my feelings for
so long just for your happiness, but now I need you to know, to know how things really
are. It really kills me inside when you're with her, and I'm really afraid for you, and for
myself. Only because I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to have these feelings for
you but I can't stop it. It really broke my heart when Raye broke up with that guy, and I
knew that I had lost you. I felt horrible because you were the one in the whole world that
could understand what I was going through because you had just been through it for the
past 9 months, and I couldn't tell you. You Darien, (dare I say it now but) my best
friend. I had to keep this from you and I absolutely went mad inside knowing that you
could never feel the same about me. But now it's over, and I have nothing left to fight
for, I let go of the ledge I've been hanging onto for an eternity.
Good Bye
It really brought a tear to my eye thinking, and knowing that I left everything, and
that I left my best crush behind me. The guy that could make me happy, sad, heartbroken,
and angry at the same time. Happy just knowing him; hoping that I had a chance. Sad
thinking that he would never get anything but hurt out of his new relationship.
Heartbroken feeling like I had just given away my life force; swallowing my pride and
emotions for his 'girlfriend' that wanted nothing more than any boyfriend. And lastly
angry because I gave him my heart, and he never even knew what he really had. I left him,
and all those thing behind me. In Tokyo, Japan.
AN: The characters in here, express the personalities of my friends. I won't mention the
people in here, to those of you that helped me through my crisis, I'll never forget it.
Obviously I am the main character, the other people in here I will not mention their names,
in an attempt to protect my self. Unfortunately in reality I was not able to move away,
and 'Darien' and I are talking again. Still it hurts me to think of him and 'Raye' in a
relationship that won't last, and I'll never be in.
I know it's dark, I usually don't write these, but it helped. Mail is a good thing! This
should be appearing only on Sailor @ngie's Site (http://zap.to/animesite) so just mail her
(sailor_angie@hotmail.com) if you want to talk with me, and she'll give you my addy.