Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ In the Dark ❯ In the Dark Chapter Two ( Chapter 2 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

By: Lisa Z.

Title: In the Dark

Author: Lisa

Chapter: 2

Rating: PG

Author's Notes:

Hello! After nearly a year, I now present you with the second installment of “ITD!” I know it's been forever, but with my hectic schedule and writer's block, I find it very difficult to write nowadays... This chapter is shorter than the first and less dark, but the contents may not appeal to some of you. Please remember that I am a Usa/Mamo fan all the way! With that said, enjoy and don't hesitate to send feedback by reviewing or e-mailing me. Thank you!

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to my beloved pet, who passed away on July 14, 2006. :sniffle:

Disclaimers: Sailor Moon and the others don't belong to me, but this story does.

At six thirty, the earliest rays of sunlight drove away any lingering traces of night. Sometime in the midst of the hour I'd spent staring fixedly into nothingness, my anger had calmed and rational thought had replaced it. I cringed slightly, recalling the blows Rei and I sent each other, our cold exchanges and harsh tones, lashing out instead of reaching an understanding. Perhaps that was best, I resolved. Yes, it was. Now Rei knew exactly how I felt about…Usagi. Her name slipped easily into my musings, as if trying to plant guilt in me. I sighed. Must she haunt me still?

Two years ago I had promised myself to never reflect upon, speak, or write her name by any means. I held faithfully to that personal vow until today, fueled by a steadfast determination to forget her altogether. And how simpler life had been without that complication! Every time she entered my thoughts, I would recall our last meeting. She'd resembled a crushed flower that cold, cold morning; one I'd heartlessly grinded beneath my heel. Tears had overflowed from her eyes like an endless waterfall as she pleaded for me to stay…

I groaned in frustration and buried my head beneath the pillow. Why could she not have moved on, as I have? Why did she insist on clinging to the fading past? The clock now read quarter till seven. I sat up in surprise. I would be late to class! Muttering angrily under my breath for losing track of time, I bolted from the bed and began my daily morning routine with lightning speed. After quickly devouring a few handfuls of dry cereal, I examined my ruffled appearance from the bathroom mirror and realized I couldn't go out looking so ragged. My weary expression and chapped lips further emphasized the dark circles underneath my eyes. I looked pitiful, and class began in less than fifteen minutes.

I debated on missing the first half hour, as more than sixty students were in the literature course. The professor would certainly not notice my absence. The option seemed promising. I grabbed a clean towel from my room and turned on the water until it steamed. I splashed it again and again over my face. Warmth crept swiftly into my body. I savored it and sought to retain it for as long as I could.

When the water began to turn lukewarm, I turned it off, silently berating myself for wasting so much. The shower had worked wonders. I felt refreshed and ready to tackle the day with renewed vigor. Missing a half hour of lecture, which I found lackluster anyway, was a small price to pay for my newfound energy. I secured the black towel around my waist and stepped into the hallway. The cold came as fast as the warmth had, attacking my body with its icy fingers. I shivered.

“Hey,” a voice called from the other room. My initial reaction was of shock, before a lazy smile formed on my lips and lifted the corners of my mouth ever so slightly.

“Hey,” I replied back, at the same time unconsciously gripping the towel even tighter around my waist. “I thought you'd be in class by now.”

She grinned and strode over to me with ease, as if this were her home too. In a way, it was. Her book bag lay forgotten on the sofa. “I was hoping I could walk you there.”

I chuckled delightfully. Anna never ceased to make me laugh, a quality that I found most comforting.

“Isn't that my job?” I countered smoothly, feigning offense.

Her smile grew teasing, and her blue eyes sparkled mischievously.

“Only if you say so.”

“Well, I do.”

Anna stopped some inches apart, and I could hear her faint breaths. She stared at my half-naked form with growing amusement. “Maybe I should come by more often…” She placed her palm against my chest and caressed my skin gently. My muscles tensed despite my best efforts to remain relaxed. She then dropped her hand quickly, as if our contact had burnt her, embarrassed by her forwardness. That shy flicker was gone as she rose up on tiptoe and caught my lips in a gentle kiss. Her lips felt soft and tasted sweet pressed against mine. I returned her gesture equally until we were both rendered breathless. She beamed beatifically.

“Get dressed, Mamoru,” Anna said with a light slap on my shoulder. “I'll wait for you.”

I stood, transfixed, as she plopped onto the sofa with a happy sigh, and touched my lips again, the pressure of hers against my own fresh in my mind. She and I had kissed a few times before, though each time felt like the first. Always new…different. I exhaled a shaky breath. Different from what?

We'd been dating for over a month now, though were friends for years prior. Our few dates were squeezed amidst conflicting schedules and strenuous courses. I met her my sophomore year in college. She'd recently moved from California: a small, lively freshman with golden blond tresses and warm, compassionate blue eyes. Her eyes were what first drew me to her. When we met by accident (I'd clumsily knocked over her books in my haste to get to class), I first caught her eyes. They reminded me so greatly of Usagi that, for a second, I remembered thinking…frantically hoping…that it was her.

Then, the bare contemplation of Usagi's name brought much pain. For months on end I could not so much as look at Anna without seeing her. But I never relayed my struggles up front. Upon her questioning, I told her that I was introverted and slow to trust. She had accepted my answer without complaint, but it was obvious that it wasn't the real reason. To this day, I still haven't told her about the spirited young woman I knew as Usagi Tsukino.

Somehow, I'd managed to push past her physical resemblance to Usagi. We became friends and gradually, I stopped thinking of Usagi every time I saw her beaming face. I was hurting and sought companionship, and she wanted a confidant. We were a perfect match of lonely souls.

But I was not aware that our easy friendship would result in love. When she shyly confessed her growing feelings for me over microwave dinners in the beginning of November, I'd felt scared and cornered. If I refused, our natural camaraderie would be ruined. If I consented, it wouldn't be fair to her. Anna was beautiful, with her long, flowing hair, creamy skin, and slender figure. Her personality was even more likable. She could undoubtedly find a man who could fully return her ardor. I prepared to tell her this. In fact, I had every intention. But she pinned me with those imploring blue eyes, searching for the passage into my soul, and I knew I couldn't reject her. I assured myself that I would fall in love with Anna, given time…much time.

“Mamoru? How long does it take for you to get dressed?”

I buttoned the shirt with swift fingers before running a quick hand through my muss of half-dried ebony hair. “Coming,” I shouted from the bedroom and grabbed my jacket. I turned to leave the room when something caught my eye. The phone… It lay discarded beside the bedroom door when I'd thrown it halfway across the room in an impulsive display of anger. I knelt and picked it up, fingering the scratch that ran across the entire length of its back. Rei's words came flooding back. “You really have changed, Mamoru.” The way she'd said it, as if I disgusted her, bothered me more than I'd like.

“Mamo?”

My head shot up, and I hastily replaced the phone before the word hit me. I froze.

“What…what did you call me?”

My expression must've been grim, or perhaps she sensed the tension radiating from my body. Her smile waned in response.

“I'm sorry if you don't like it…a nickname, I guess,” she answered uncertainly. “I'd been debating whether or not to call you that for…” she laughed, her gaze skyward, “oh…ages now.”

“I…I would prefer you call me Mamoru,” I said gently, my voice apologetic for snapping at her. “Just Mamoru's fine.”

“Alright,” she consented, her playful mood and good humor returning. “You never were into pet names.”

If only she knew… “Mamo-chan…” I froze, wanting to shout for thinking of her again. Several times today I had vowed not to think of her, and each time I'd broken the silent oath. I kept my face a mask of calm, plastering a comforting smile on my face. “Not anymore,” I replied weakly, hoping she wouldn't question me further. I hadn't the strength to answer her if she did. But Anna was never one to push. She nodded thoughtfully, perhaps searching for some hidden message in my reply, and promptly dropped the issue. “Not anymore…”

I wrapped am arm around her small shoulders and tried to banish the entire ordeal from my mind. It didn't work. I grabbed onto Anna tighter. She looked at me questioningly, a small dash of confusion clouding her face. I gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze, and she relaxed into my embrace. We grabbed our books, and I shut the door softly behind us...

We walked side-by-side in a relaxed silence as snow fell gently around us. I smiled and breathed in the cold air, reveling in the serenity of the morning. I didn't mind the freezing weather so much; living here for four years had definitely accustomed me to it. The coldness, not unlike the occasional harsh winter in Tokyo, suited me. I secretly glanced at Anna as we walked along, her natural beauty accented by the snow that landed about her, and took her in remarkable profile. I was blessed to have such a wonderful friend, I realized. I sighed contentedly, my previous troubles nearly forgotten, when Anna giggled.

“What?” I asked good-naturedly.

“You don't have to keep doing that, you know,” she said before turning to face me. I didn't have to look at her to know that her eyes were sparkling mischievously.

By now I was thoroughly confused. What had I been doing? “Doing what?”

She only shook her head amusedly. “Sneaking glances at me,” she then bluntly informed me, “after all, I am your girlfriend now. You, as my boyfriend, have my permission to stare lovingly at me for as long as you like! Now, aren't you lucky?” She ended her speech by giggling again, as giddy as a schoolgirl. I stiffened at the word `girlfriend' but quickly hid my discomfort with a faint chuckle. She was still gazing at me, delight written plainly on her features. Anna never masked her emotions. When I finally braved a glance at her eyes, they were almost too blue for me to stand. I averted my gaze and instead focused on the snow-covered sidewalk.

“Of course. How could I forget?”

But I had forgotten; I was always forgetting. A month of dating wasn't enough time for me to get used to thinking of Anna as my girlfriend, when she had been my best friend for so long. `Will I ever?' I mused as guilt poured into me. I widened the distance between us, hoping to relieve my growing tension. A dreadful feeling had begun to settle at the pit of my stomach and, to my dismay, lingered there. I belatedly recognized it as panic. I drew in the cold air, trying to relieve my fraught nerves and to understand why I was feeling this way. Anna, whose company I cherished above all, was now causing me unease.

Was one phone call so powerful as to turn my entire world askew?

She slapped me playfully on the arm, a welcome distraction given the dark, dangerous turn of my thoughts, and skipped ahead of me, her rosy face flushed with excitement. She laughed and caught the snowflakes as they cascaded about her with her tongue. As she twirled about ecstatically, she resembled an innocent child introduced to snow for the first time. I couldn't deny it—in some ways, Anna was like pure snow, untainted by tragedy. She was born into a privileged family who had sheltered her from cruel reality and had granted her every wish. As a result, she had come here with a rosier view of the world than I, who had been raised in a dingy orphanage void of love and compassion. We were a mismatched couple, one could say, but according to an old adage, “opposites attract.” And something about Anna—aside from her physical appearance—something I couldn't identify even to this day, attracted me to her from the outset. I laughed—her happiness was quite infectious even under present circumstances—though refused to join her.

“I love the snow,” she grinned before falling in stride with me, temporarily subdued.

“I do too,” I stated honestly. “It calms me.”

She loved the snow as well. She would always…

Somehow, I resisted the great urge to scream.

Sometime during our trek to the English building, Anna's hand found mine. Her long fingers curled around my own and latched onto them tightly. They nearly rivaled mine in size, surprising for such a petite woman. My palm grew sweaty and as we approached our destination, I casually pulled my hand away, praying that she wouldn't notice. I held the door open for her, but she didn't enter—only smirked at my gentlemanly gesture. Instead, she cast furtive glances to make sure we were alone and pressed urgent kisses all over my face, so uncharacteristic of her usual chastity.

After a couple minutes, I grew uncomfortable at her persistence. I broke our present kiss and stepped back, allowing the distance to shield me from her affection. Her breath came in small puffs that quickly vanished in the air. We stood there wordlessly, covered with snow, trembling and unable to speak. Her smile lingered, but her eyes belied her disappointment. Anna was beginning to want more out of our relationship, I recognized; she had every right to, after all. She was my girlfriend. Emphasizing the word, however, did little to accustom me to it.

She finally broke the silence and ignored my obvious anxiety.

“Mm, how about we skip classes for today?” She suggested slyly. “We could go and watch a movie. It's a week since we went out on a date.”

I began to relax once I caught her casual tone. Anna was trying so hard to not take offense to my reluctance. “I know,” I replied warmly, seeking common ground. I brushed a strand of her hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. “I'll make it up to you, I promise. But the semester is ending in a matter of days. With finals approaching, skipping wouldn't be the wisest decision.”

“Always rational,” she scoffed in mock irritation.

“That's me.” I stroked her cheek and began to enter the building.

“Mamoru, wait!” She called and took hold of my wrist. I turned around and met her concerned gaze.

“Anna?”

“Is…is there something wrong?” I froze. Did she suspect…no, she couldn't possibly…please, please don't let her assume…

“No,” I replied, skillfully keeping my face expressionless, a mask of calm…a look I'd perfected over the years. “Why?”

“I—” She shook her head, as if berating herself for being irrational. “You just seem…I don't know…different somehow…distant…maybe I'm overacting, probably due to finals, but…”

My mouth had suddenly gone dry. I swallowed, trying to dismiss the unsettling sensation in my stomach. “Nothing's wrong,” I assured her evenly, with an ease that surprised me, “no need to worry.” I blamed my present behavior to the stress of exams, which she seemed to buy reluctantly. Her eyes shone with uncertainty, and I looked away before guilt consumed me. I hated having to lie to Anna, for lasting relationships could not be built from such a weak foundation. But why distress her over Usagi's predicament? Telling her about my past love would certainly put an unneeded strain to our relationship.

“Come on,” I said gently, once again opening the door for her. A blast of warm air rushed at us, along with the faint scents of aged wood and morning coffee. She stood motionless.

“Mamoru…you know you can tell me anything, right? No secrets?”

Once again her eyes tried to decipher me; I refused to look at her. “I know, Anna. I appreciate that very much.”

“Then why…” She sounded tired and frustrated. “Forget it.”

But inside I knew that neither she nor I would, as she so aptly put it, “forget it.” She walked inside the dimly lit building, and I followed suit.

So, the new love interest has been introduced! Mamoru's “perfect” life doesn't seem so flawless now, does it? smiles innocently Now, I hope none were offended by Anna; remember my assurances at the beginning of the chapter. For those anxious for Usa/Mamo interaction, don't worry; they'll get their moment…after I finish tormenting poor Mamoru first. grins Anyway, I know this update was long overdue. Please excuse any mistakes and bad writing, for I am slowly getting back to my old style. The next chapter shouldn't take so long to write, hopefully. I've already written the bittersweet ending…though I'm sure no one wants to read that now, right? As always, please, please take a moment to review or e-mail me at LisaZUMstories@aol.com. Your comments will encourage me to update faster. Thank you for reading!

Next chapter:

Mamoru's life and relationship with Anna continue to unravel as Usagi invades his thoughts more and more, albeit unwillingly…

This story was written and posted July, 2006.