Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Love and Lament ❯ Dear Juni ( Chapter 19 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

It has been a week since that night at the temple, a night that I have lost, a night where my body was stolen from me by the consciousness of my past life. I have spent many hours with JiJi since then, studying, trying to understand what is happening to me and why. Not just me, I need to know more because my mother has become involved in all of this as well.

I have lived at the temple for a week now, mostly in the company of JiJi. That was the purpose of being here after all. I need to be with him, because he is the only one who can fully explain what has, will, and what is happening to me. Today, we went over the last memory I had as Merci. He spent hours explaining to me what and why everything had occurred and who everyone was. More importantly, He helped me to understand who everyone is now.

The man who attacked the temple was a former General of Earth, Jadeite. He was the brother of the Prince, though he was never to sit upon the throne. Instead, he carved a name for himself as a brilliant strategist and a ruthless General. On Earth, his name was praised by his comrades and feared by his enemies. He was the man who killed Merci’s second love, Vileal. After JiJi lead me through my final memories again, I recognized him immediately. He still looks the same after all these lifetimes.

JiJi explained how those that were enveloped by Serenity’s final attack were not killed; only sealed away. Many of them were imprisoned in the husk of what is left of Mars, doomed to spend eternity in an icy waste. Others, him included, were reborn on Earth. Some regained their memories and powers; others lived and died without ever knowing what they once were.

JiJi is aware of several other Shadow Warriors, like himself, that have been reborn. He also knows of, and befriended, another of the four dark Generals. Nephrite, according to JiJi, was reborn in Romania in the late sixteen hundreds. They met in Japan just before the First World War. Nephrite had fallen in love with a Japanese woman, of JiJi’s close acquaintance. Twenty years later the woman bore him a daughter and died in child birth. His daughter is the reincarnation of WaterLilly, one of the legendary soldiers of Merci’s time. JiJi tells me that Nephrite is just as, if not more devoted to her than JiJi is to Rei.

Hino, Rei, is JiJi’s granddaughter, though he has raised her since her mother died. I asked about her father, he gave me a brief explanation before his mood darkened considerably and he asked that I not bring up that subject again, especially around Rei. I believe that his love for her is the biggest reason that he is our, humanity’s, ally, as opposed to living like many of the other demons and Yoma he has told me about.

If I ever decide to fight alongside Miss. Rei and Tsukino, I will feel confident that JiJi is on our side. At the very least, he will be on Rei’s. Rei is Revian’s reincarnation, though I have a hard time imagining the rough, savage Martian warlord, as the serene warrior she is today.

Revian apparently did not make the trip to our time alone. JiJi told me the story of the two Ravens that are always around Miss. Rei. Phobos and Demios, the ravens, carry the souls of two Martian women. The women had been Revian’s wives. JiJi had captured their souls in an ancient relic after they refused to join his attack on the moon. After Revian was reborn, JiJi released their souls on the condition that they guard their mistress to the best of their abilities. He had no way of knowing what form they would take, and they are now more bird than Martian, but they still have quite a bit of intelligence and magic about them.

I am at a loss for what I feel about another one of the Senshi. Sailor Moon, Tsukino, Usagi, is the reincarnation of Merci’s love Vileal. She is also the girl I hold responsible for your death. I have so many conflicting emotions toward her. I am not even convinced that all of these emotions are mine. I feel that the part of me that was Merci is crying out for her. At the same time I want nothing to do with her; the conflict within me is tiresome at best and is a constant wear at my emotions. I have so much more I want to write about her, and I will; I just need some time to gather my thoughts.

While I decide what to write about her, I need to tell you a bit about the reincarnated warrior that affects me the most.
Bruuna, one of Merci’s dearest friends, is now my Mother.

I have to admit that as scared as I am that my mother has been pulled into this mess, I am just as relieved. Having her stand by my side through all of this has helped me more than I could ever express in words, when she is able to at least. She is still going about life as if nothing has changed. She spends most of her time at work and much of her free time with her girlfriend. I have noticed that she is spending more time with me since the temple attack. I know that she wishes that none of this had happened, but she is willing to help me through it no matter what.

One thing that is kind of strange is that Bruuna, my mother’s past life, was in love with my past life, Merci. Merci never suspected Bruuna’s feelings, and would have never known had she not confessed to her during their last moments together. It is almost uncomfortable to think that my mother’s past life was in love with mine. That, it turns out, is why she was reincarnated In the first place. Queen Serenity, the woman from my first dreams several years ago, offered to let her travel with my soul to the next life as a reward for her loyalty to me and her lover Radiance. JiJi explained that Queen Serenity must have known that I was destined to be with another and that is why she orchestrated for Bruuna to be reborn as my mother. By doing that, she was able to guarantee that she would always have my unconditional love.

I am uncertain about my thoughts on destiny. More so, I do not know what I should think about being destined for somebody else. In a way it makes me angry. What if you died just so that my destiny with an unnamed lover would be fulfilled? Would you have lived if we had never fallen in love?

JiJi insists that it is foolish and unhealthy for me to think like that. He says that I would drive myself mad always worrying if I am doing the right thing, and second guessing my decisions.

JiJi… I am not sure what to think of him, he confuses me. On one hand I know that he is the fallen monarch of ancient Mars. He admitted, without regret, to trading his soul for an opportunity to wage, as he put it, one last incredible war. He, and his people, had become disillusioned with the peaceful reign of the Serenities. Theirs was a war loving race, and they longed to know the glory of battle against races other than their own. I know now that two thousand years later, he is still no less a demon then he was then. And yet, when I am with him all I can see is the very wise, kind, and patient man that has been helping me through all of this.

If I did not know about his true form, if I did not know that Grandpa Hino was just a mask, I would consider him to be one of the dearest people I have ever had the pleasure to know. Aside from his playfully lecherous façade, he is a wonderful man not only to me but others as well. His granddaughter especially, He loves her very much. Any time he talks about her you can see his eyes light up with a fatherly pride. And it is not just Miss. Rei he adores, it is Makoto as well.

Makoto was in a bind and needed him to adopt her so she could attend and graduate high-school. JiJi accepted her plea to adopt her. Even though Makoto thought it would just be a convenience, a piece of paper and no more, she was wrong. From the moment she asked she was fully welcomed into the Hino family as a daughter and a sister. JiJi acts as if she has been his daughter all along. Miss. Rei has also embraced Makoto into the family as a true sister. Makoto seems a bit overwhelmed, as this is a recent development. I suspect though, that this is the happiest she has been in a long time.

Back to my musings on JiJi. I think what I am trying to say, what is important for me to remember, is that despite appearances I need to remember what he truly is. That way, if the day comes where he decides he has had it with humanity, I will not hesitate to do what I must. That is why when we are alone, or when I write to you, I always refer to him as JiJi. I know that my decision to use his ancient name affects him, but I also know he understands why I do it.

Despite his past and my concerns, I find it increasingly hard not to trust him. Not only has he been an invaluable guide through my past life memories, but he is helping me to control my nightmares. After the last few memories of Merci, I started getting my old nightmares again; JiJi helps me to control them through something he calls lucid dreaming.

As great a guide as JiJi is, I could not have gotten through these past few weeks without my friends and family. My mother is especially precious to me. She is taking a lot of this much better than I imagined she would. Her greatest concerns still revolve around my safety, but she takes comfort in the fact that by learning about ourselves and by staying around friends, we are doing everything we can to protect ourselves.

One thing that bothers my mother that she will not admit to is her scar. I think her biggest problem is that she cannot do anything to change it. She told me that her employers accepted her explanation of it occurring during a monster attack. Although not super common, they happen enough for that to be a plausible explanation. It is also the truth, kind of.

I also know that she is insecure about what her girlfriend Umi thinks about it. I am ashamed to admit it, but I accidentally eavesdropped on a conversation that Umi and her roommate Tsuzuku were having. Umi stated that even if she did think the scar was ugly, which she did not, she was not one to be able to throw stones. Mom had met Umi and Tsuzuku while at her job. She was in her ambulance with her partner when Tsuzuku, who was at the time carrying Umi, stepped out of nowhere into the road in front of them. Umi was bleeding from multiple stab wounds, so I imagine that Umi has quite a few scars herself. That and she will most likely be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Aside from that though, I get the impression every time I hear her talk about my mother that Umi is very much in love with her.

I am very happy for them both. Mom has been lost since her lover, Noriko, died. Having Umi in her life has grounded her again and given her back much of what she lost with Noriko. They also give me hope that someday I can heal as well. I will never, nor would I want to ever forget about you, but to live my life trapped by your memory is just too sad.

So much has happened in my life this last year. This past week has been no different. It has continued to pull my life away from the norm, yet no matter how bizarre things get, some things never seem to change. I am still responsible for taking all the exams I need to be able to qualify for special placement. I still have chores, and mom still has to work. Most importantly, I still have the love of my family, and the support of my friends.

I have been very thankful for my mother agreeing to let me take the IQ exams, and for her not making me attend school this week. I still go to cram school, but I am attending classes far beyond the high school level. None of my teachers come even close to challenging me the way you did. I am learning things, but it is not the same. Still, even my worst cram teacher is a better option then returning to Juban middle school.

I mentioned earlier that I would write more about Miss. Tsukino, and I believe I have now gathered my thoughts enough to do so. First, I am glad that I do not see her at school anymore. My emotions are too chaotic when she is around. I hate her with every fiber that is me, and yet I cannot help but love her. The part of me that was Merci wars against the blame I place on her for your death and just sees who Miss. Tsukino used to be. In one moment I wish that she had died in place of you and in the next I want to pull her close and whisper to her all the declarations of love that Merci never had a chance to tell Vileal.

Miss. Tsukino has not been by the temple this week, and for that I am grateful. In one of the few times we have actually talked, Miss. Rei asked about my enmity toward Miss. Tsukino. I gave her the same half truth I told my mother. She knew I was not being straight with her, I could see it in her eyes. She did not call me on it though, and I thank her for that.

The irony in all of this is that JiJi is the only one who truly knows what happed between us. Perhaps I should be worried. What can be said about a person whose lover and confidant are both Demons?

I should not think like that, or rather I am not ready to think about that.

On to safer topics then. Miss. Rei is an interesting and mysterious girl. The first thing that I noticed about her when we first met was her eyes. First was the color, a beautiful violet that I have never seen before. Since then, I have found that her eyes seem to change color dependent on, what, I do not know. I would think it was her mood, but she never seems to show much in the way of emotions. I imagine this to be some remnant of Revian. Although, I am not sure that Revian’s eyes were violet at all.

The second thing about her eyes is that they have the same look to them as someone who has lived a long life and seen too much. Another thing to add to her mysterious air. An old soul trapped in a young girl’s body, Miss. Rei, I would venture to guess, has seen much more than someone her age should.

Miss. Rei, is very young, still, you can already see the beauty she will be when she is older. That is, if she ever decides to have reconstructive surgery done on her nose. Her face is flawless, with the exception of her nose. She looks to have had it broken several times, and never had the chance to get it set properly. It is not an ugly deformity, it adds character, but it does detract from her looks. Not that I am judging her by her looks, I would be the last person in the world to do that.

Even if people did judge her by her nose, Miss. Rei seems to be not the least bit self conscious or ashamed of it. In fact, I would guess that she is actually proud of it. Her nose is a testament to her early mistakes made while perfecting her craft. She wears the ill healed cartilage as a badge of honor.

I have not had much of an opportunity, or to be truthful I have not worked up the nerve to talk to Miss. Rei yet. She is, despite her youth and tranquil nature, a very intense person. Most of what I know of her is through observation, and talking to JiJi.

I was speaking to him about her yesterday. He told me that Miss. Rei, without the legal paperwork, became his daughter when her mother, his real daughter, died. Miss. Rei’s father is a politician, and had no time to raise a little girl, so he left her with him. As I wrote earlier, JiJi is very proud to be a father figure to her, and I think that has gone a long way in tempering his Demonic nature.

I tried to get him to tell me more about her, but JiJi insisted that if I wanted to know about the many things his granddaughter was involved in, I would have to ask her personally. He did agree to tell me about her fighting, but only because I have watched a few of her classes and spoke to her briefly about it. He told me that she started learning from him as soon as she was able to mimic the movements. Apparently, she took to the martial arts the way I took to learning. She was nine when she surpassed his, and three other teachers skill level. After that, she started to travel around China, Korea, and Japan learning from both well known and a few reclusive masters.

JiJi told me of two in particular, who have not taken on a student in many, many years. I get the feeling that at least one of those teachers is not entirely human. Either that or he has found a way to extend his life, as JiJi mentioned meeting him over a hundred years ago. The master, Oro, is one of the three greatest fighters alive today; only Master Gouki and Master Gen match his prowess. Even though Miss. Rei has trained under two of them, she still has a long way to go before she can be considered their equals.

These fighters are so powerful; they are able to face JiJi in his true form. Apparently he holds a tournament at the temple every fifty years. He has faced both Oro and Gouki, and lost to both, his only defeats in fair combat since he started the tournaments. JiJi wants to hold another tournament upcoming months. He wants to give Miss. Rei the chance to see some of the greatest fighters alive, and some spirits and demons who wish to test the strength of mortals.

Just hearing about some of the fighters and creatures he plans to invite, unnerves me. Still, he speaks of it like a gathering of old friends, and who knows, perhaps for him it is. The strangest thing is that if I had written something like this a year ago I would have thought of it as mere fiction, and yet after all that has happened, I do not once doubt the authenticity of it.

That will be an education to watch if JiJi can manage to put it together in the few months he has planned for it. I would like to sit with Miss. Rei and Makoto, to see how they evaluate the other fighters. Miss. Rei has not only mastered seven styles of fighting, but she is also an accomplished spiritualist, and has created a fighting style of her own. That is what the class is that she teaches twice a week. It is amazing that a girl several years younger than me is teaching a class of over fifty men and women, all of which run schools of their own. She is a teacher of teachers.

Despite all she has learned, she still seeks to learn more and improve upon what she knows. She may have mastered seven fighting styles, but she is currently training in over double that. The trip she was on before I met her was to train under an old woman who has mastered an ancient, eccentric, art. Miss. Rei was also able to train with the woman’s granddaughter, Youko. Although, JiJi seemed to think that Rei was leagues above Youko’s skill. He did tell me to ask Miss. Rei about the trip some time, as she has quite the tale to tell from it.

For now, all I know about the trip from Miss. Rei is that she was excited to show the uniform she was gifted with to JiJi. It was a red Chinese styled garment with white trim and a yin yang symbol in the center.

Having read that last paragraph, I noticed that the only time I have seen Miss. Rei to show any variation in her normal tranquil state, is when she is around JiJi. I think it is amazing to have such self control. I do know for a fact that it bugs Makoto to no end. Having a seemingly emotionless teacher while learning to fight could be quite frustrating, I would imagine. I admit I find it fascinating to watch the two of them spar and interact with each other. Makoto is an extremely dedicated and perhaps even a bit overzealous student. When they spar, she is a wild, brutal fighter, which is a sharp contrast to the elegance with which Miss. Rei fights. Over time, I look forward to seeing how she adapts Miss. Rei’s style into her own.

For now though, she is an exemplary student. She is always eager and ready to learn anything that Miss. Rei has the time to teach her. She even goes so far as to address Miss. Rei as Sensei any time they talk. Rei is more patient with Makoto than I could imagine anyone could be to another human being. In fact, one of the things I admire most about Miss. Rei is that she, like JiJi, has fully accepted Makoto, and even Mr. Fiore, as her brother and sister.

Makoto has been telling me that many of Rei’s students are getting excited about a large tournament that is being held in Osaka in the next couple of months. Many of them seem to be encouraging Miss. Rei to attend, if not participate in the tournament. Makoto is hopeful that some of the big name fighters will stop by the temple. Although Rei has yet to participate in any of the World Warrior Tournaments, she is very well known throughout the fighting community. Mostly due to the fact that both Masters, Oro, and Gen, have accepted her as a pupil. I wonder if this tournament will coincide with the one JiJi is planning?

Makoto has not been a Hino for long, well truthfully she still will not be until the paper work is finalized, but I can already tell that she has found a bit of peace here at the temple. More importantly, she has found family. I talk to Makoto a lot these days. I find just as much comfort in her presence, as she does from her new family. I would also like to think she finds a bit of comfort with me. It would not be a stretch to call Makoto my best friend.

Life seems funny; before I met you, I had never really had any friends. Now, in the span of less than a year I have made several close friends, found the depth of which I could truly hate someone, fought and learned from demons, and most importantly, had a lover. Sometimes I wonder if I should curse the dreams that brought me here. I used to dream of being in this temple with four shadowy figures. I would be filled with a sense of peace and belonging. But, how can that come to pass if you are not by my side?

I tend to get a bit too melancholy for my own good. Makoto, Gods bless her, is always trying to cheer me up whenever I get too low. In turn, I have taken to soothing her dreams whenever Mr. Fiore is not here, and her nightmares become too much.

I will never forget the first night she came to me, like an older child asking to sleep with a parent. She was so embarrassed. She tries to appear strong, but I know that much of her strength is a façade. So, when she asked for comfort from her nightmares, I could not have said no.

For the past five nights I have cradled her as she slept. I wish I could do more to help alleviate her pain. I had and still occasionally have nightmares about the day you died, and the months where I thought my mom would. During those nights, I can hardly sleep. I cannot imagine how long Makoto has had to endure her nightly torment.

I know that Makoto’s nightmares probably originated from something that happened to her when she was younger, something more traumatic than her parent’s death. She talks in her sleep occasionaly; I pray to the Gods that what I think happened to her did not. No one that age should be forced to endure something like that. No one any age should be forced to endure something like that. She protected me from that once, and I will always be thankful for her. I will always be indebted to her.

Mr. Fiore and I have been helping Makoto since she was released from juvinile detention several months ago. I wonder how she managed to control her nightmares during that time. Did she have a roommate who held her at night, or did the circumstances force her to control it on her own? I suppose you find a way to deal with things like that if you have to, but if you can get help, you do. I am just happy that Makoto trusts me enough to ask for my help in such a personal matter. Makoto is a special woman; she is becoming dear to me.

I admit too that the little I do sleep when I am holding her tends to be the most relaxed sleep I get these days. Her preasance dilutes my nightmares and JiJi’s training does the rest. I can not help but wonder that if she did not have Mr. Fiore, and I had never met you, would there have been something more than friendship between the two of us? Truthfully, I do not think so. I am not at all positive that she even likes girls; curious, yes, likes, probably not. On the surface, she definitely looks the type, but you can never judge someone by their looks.

Despite her tomboyish front, Makoto is actually very feminine. If she had a normal childhood, I would be willing to bet that she would be a girl who would have spent hours playing with dolls, makeup, and clothes. She is a natural in the kitchen and she gets flustered around cute things like baby animals and plushies. She is more of a typical girl than me in that sense, Rei too for that matter, she seems completely asexual to me.

Assumptions aside, I know that Makoto is very much in love with Mr. Fiore. Whenever I see them together I would bet that he loved her just as much, but he seems to be around the temple less and less these days. I asked Makoto what he was doing, but all she will tell me is that it is personal. I wonder if it has anything to do with his heritage. I want to ask JiJi about him, but I do not know if he is aware of Mr. Fiore’s secret. Makoto asked me to forget about it, that it does not matter.

That is life these days. Sometimes I briefly wonder if life would have been better if I had ignored my dreams and remained an introvert. Sometimes I almost regret coming to Juban; but then I realize, if I had never come, I would have never met you. I would have missed out on so many life experiences both good and bad. I guess the time was right for me to break open my shell.

There is a saying, if a chick cannot break out of its shell, it will die without truly being born. Even though many things have happened, both good and bad, some even horrible, I have finally broken my shell. It is time for me to grow.

I love you Juni,

Mizuno, Ami


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“Yo, Miki!” Ami looked up, startled from the final touches of her first journal entry in weeks. Umi Mizuno, her mother’s girlfriend was wheeling herself over to where she sat under a freshly planted tree in the Hino’s repaired courtyard. When Rei’s students had arrived for their twice weekly class and saw the devastation, unanimously, and without questions they volunteered themselves and their students to its immediate reconstruction.

“Ms. Umi, what are you doing here, and did you just call me Miki?” Ami waved to the pink haired woman. She glanced around for her mother but did not see her. “Is mom here with you?”

Umi Mizuno flashed Ami a sunny smile as she maneuvered her wheelchair closer. Umi, and her roommate, Tsuzuku, were found wandering through the streets bleeding to death in strange school uniforms that were several sizes too small for them. Umi’s wounds left her legs paralyzed, thus confining her to a wheelchair. Neither had any memory of what happened to them or of anything else for that matter. Ayanee Mizuno befriended the two of them and eventually Umi became her lover. They both took the family name of Mizuno, because they lacked one of their own.

If it was not for the obvious joy and happiness that Umi brought to Ayanee’s life, Ami might have resented her for stealing her mother’s attention. Ami knew that was an irrational thought, that both she and her mother have had and will have lovers and even though they might not see each other as often as they used to, they would always share a special bond. Ami still felt a ping of jealousy, but her happiness for her mother, and her time spent with her own friends helped her to ignore it.

Umi laughed as her chair picked up considerable speed before skidding to a halt next to the bench Ami was occupying. With a playful touch of flair, Umi lifted herself from her seat, before swinging herself onto the stone bench next to Ami.

“You are getting good at that.” Ami was genuinely surprised. Umi’s handicap had been awkward at first. She had a hard time manuvering, but was too determined to be self reliant to accept any help.

“Yep,” Umi was still grinning. “I have had a lot of practice. And no, Aya is not here yet. Tsuzuku dropped me off, and she’ll be here in an hour or so.”

“Now, what was that you asked me, did I call you what?” Umi’s smile drifted from her face, and a hint of concern touched at her blue eyes. Not for the first time, Ami wondered who this mysterious woman that held her mother’s heart truly was.

“You called me Miki.” Ami replied, just then getting the significance of Umi’s slip up. “Do you think that is someone you knew before?”

Umi looked blankly at Ami for a moment as her face scrunched up in forced thought. She ran her hand through her long pink hair as she unconsciously nibbled at her lower lip. “I… No, I don’t, I don’t remember. I thought for a second I could picture something, but no.”

“Oh, I am sorry.” Ami smiled reassuringly as she placed her hand upon Umi’s shoulder. “Your memory will come back.”

“Hmmm. Umi sighed noncomitaly. “Sometimes I wonder if that would be a good thing or bad. I like your new hairstyle by the way.”

Ami ran her fingers through her newly lengthened hair, and accepted Umi’s unspoken request for a change of topic. Ami stood up and twirled around, allowing for Umi to see how far down her back her new locks went, which was close to her knees. “Thanks, but I do not think I will be keeping it long. I had long hair once, but it was too high maitenance. Besides, I think that short hair suits me better.”

“Well I won’t argue there, but you do look good.” Umi’s brow furrowed slightly as an image of Ami flickered briefly though her mind. Although, she had short hair and was dressed in a fencing uniform.

“Oh…” Umi shook the thought away. “I almost forgot, Miss. Hino is in the kitchen, and she asked me to ask you to join her.”

“Thank you Ms. Umi.” Ami said as she gathered her journal and writing supplies before bowing quickly toward Umi and starting toward the kitchen.

“Oh, and Ami,” Ami paused and turned to see Umi’s grinning face. “Leave off the Ms. I’m just Umi, ok!”

Ami blushed slightly before shaking her head and walking off. It was a running joke Umi had with her and her propensity to be uptight about names and titles. In truth, Ami called Umi, Ms. On purpose. She enjoyed their banter and knew that her mother’s girlfriend did too.

Umi watched as her lover’s only daughter wandered off, the image of Ami in fencing gear had not vanished completely. It had in fact been replaced by an image of her sitting next to her at a table studying. Only in this image, she wore a white school uniform with rich blue pants.

“Miki…” Umi cradled her head as she struggled with her absent memories… “Why can’t I remember?”

::Damn you bastard, she was never supposed to remember! You promised me that she would forget everything!:: Tsuzuku Mizuno stood at the entrance of the courtyard, watching his roommate with concern.

::First you and your bitch sister cripple her, and now that she has finally found happiness, your mere memory is returning to take that away.:: Tsuzuku slammed the side of his fist against a stone pillar before flicking the long strands of black and red hair out of his eyes. He looked upon Umi once more with concern and anger welling in him before he abruptly turned and left the temple.


::Damn you World’s End! If I had the means I would track you down and kill you myself. You and your witch sister!::