Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Mistletoes ❯ One-Shot

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Mistletoes - A dark and gloomy Christmas Fic

Status: Alpha

Author: MysticMew (Minaru@gmx.de)

Beta-reader: Ayrki

Rating: NC-17

Category: Very Dark/Romance

Pairing: Usagi/Minako, Minako/Hotaru, Usagi/Hotaru, Usagi/Minako/Hotaru (eventually)

Summary: In a dark future for the Senshi only three of them have survived. Usagi is heartbroken and Minako and Hotaru are not better of. Can Christmas time this year bring some salvation for them?

Distrubition: MAC (www.catstrio.de), Starsinlove Group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/starsinlove), Shoujo Ai.com (www.shoujoai.com) and wherever I find it suitable. If you want it, come and ask and you won't meet much resistance.

Disclaimer: Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon is owned by Takeuchi Naoko, Toei, Kodansha and assorted companies

Legal Disclaimer: This story is of a darker nature and will deal with controversial topics, as well as graphic description of two and three women in a more than platonic relationship. Also issued are scenes of (sexual) violence and rape. If you are not used to that type of story or it is illegal where you live, hit the return button on your browser right now or I'll guarantee for nothing.

Mistletoes

Story concept by Matthias Engel

Based on the works of Takeuchi Naoko

Not your usual Christmas tale

Answering my self-made Christmas Challenge on Starsinlove

Chapter 1: These Are The Ruins of Our Lives

I should have never gone to this party.

I had known this was a bad idea from the first moments onwards that Minako happened to come by and invite me to this party. A pre-Christmas party, pah. I bet nobody there even knew what Christmas really stands for, the religious idea behind it and so forth. Japanese are incredible on picking up foreign traditions as holidays. Really. The only thing that seemed to count for them is the shiny decorations, the food and of course… the gifts! Superficial and materialistic - otherwise was that any better than rest of the world? Traditions that completely ignored the traditional idea were a waste in my opinion. And who came up with pre-Christmas parties anyway?

I should have known better than to mingle with the social circle the blonde hung around with. But no, I had to go. I had to be weak again and falter under her pleading gaze. Just because I once had a thing for her. Well, that was over now. The last bit of respect had vanished yesterday night or should I say this morning?

When I arrived at the so-called party, I felt already out of place. The whole thing was a farce from the getup. There were a few fancy decorations, a huge, totally oversized and tawdry Christmas tree. The house where the party was held was spacious but still crowed with people, to a majority women with some tweedy and slimy men in between that screamed business. Business that you better not wanted to get involved with. The heavy aroma of alcohol, mixed in with various degrees of smoke reached my senses immediately and the music was also rather contradicting to the event. Not really loud but annoying. I already knew I wouldn't stay long and if I had had a few seconds longer to contemplate this action, I would probably have gone right away.

As it was Minako spotted and promptly dragged me inside, effectively locking me in this hole that appeared more like a cheap love hotel than a Christmas party. Not that I had actually expected anything else from Minako's work colleagues but I had thought the blonde to at least have some better taste. All in all this only confirmed my suspicion about the business my… friend was active in this days. Modeling… Yeah right! More like getting strip naked and whatever went with that. Who knows what services they had running unofficially.

Before I knew it I was in the middle of it. A drink here and drink there, no cigarettes or anything. However, I don't think I was the problem. More like… everyone else. Minako was becoming more flippant and carefree the longer the evening proceeded and I felt more and more disgusted how the majority of the guests displayed their lack of inhibitions. I must have been hit on a dozen time in one hour. The climax was reached though when I had finally managed to excuse myself from the party and was about to quietly slip out of the house. Minako caught up with me which would not have been much of a problem in her state of mind. I was still rather clear in the head and was used to get what I wanted. The drama first started when a few of Minako's "friends" happened to spot us. The moment they called out "Mistletoe" I knew for some unexplainable reason that I was doomed.

Sure I refused to do anything the like they implied with my friend. After all Minako was not in a state to be trusted in with even the most harmless of kisses. I mean what a dumb tradition was that anyway? Did whoever invented that not even know what problems that could cause in situations like this one? No, probably not. Before I could react and get the hell out of there, the self-proclaimed Goddess of Love had already sized control of the situation. I had no idea it was possible to go from a kiss to being naked in a bedroom so fast. No really, I didn't.

Her lips on mine were not really the synonym of romance. Her breath laced with the smell of alcohol and some cigarettes, poisonous but intoxicating at the same time. I had felt myself melting for some odd reason and was unable to resist. I could not deny at that moment that once - before our world had turned dark - I had found the blonde quite attractive and just for the moment I lost myself in the illusion that there was something more than hormones free of any inhibitions at work. A crucial and fatal mistake.

A moment later we were in a sparse room I believe - with a cheap bed, hard mattress and all - and were fucking the hell out off each other for the lack of a better description. Not that I cared for such things. As I said, I am actually a person who always stays in control and I knew I can handle my blonde friend easily… that is until you let yourself be dragged into her area of expertise. Her treatment was harsh, fueled by the alcohol and our less than dreamy lives, but I craved it. I needed to let myself feel something and why not live out a fantasy? Damn, how dumb had I been?

My clothing had been ripped before we even had fully entered the room and I was thrust against the next wall by the wild animal that I had succumbed to. I could take it though, I was a Senshi after all. And the Senshi in me craved it. Her hands rough and torturous did leave swellings on my breasts and nipples and down my whole body, I assume. My healing ability would take care of those, no problem. Teeth and fingernails made for an interesting and further arousing combination of pain and bliss. Soon we had hit the bed and the act turned into a game of who would get the most dominance. Of course she was much better at this and physically stronger as well but I held my ground for some time. I surrendered soon though and found myself on the receiving end of a wet pussy in my face while Minako sat dominant on my smaller body and pleasured me with fist and teeth in a way that the only thing I could do from screaming out in a mixture of agony and extreme bliss was to return the favor as equally as possible.

That went on for about an hour or so, maybe even more. I didn't have a clock to compare and I don't believe that I would have found time or strength afterwards to do so. This morning, then I finally woke up with barely restrained moans from my aching body, there was no one there anymore. It was about seven and Minako was gone. Only a note in her place. Not really concerned since it was possible that she had to get to work, I had picked it up and read it.

"Hotaru-chan… I am sorry for last night. I lost control and wasn't thinking. Maybe it's too much to ask but I hope we still can be friends."

I had looked at the note for the entire length of five minutes, staring at the letters as the word's replayed over and over again in my mind. Then, like a bubble, the illusion of last night burst and I didn't bother to control my outburst, as I ripped apart the piece of paper and whacked havoc on the room's interior. I would apologize later… No, I would not.

Quite frankly I never have felt so betrayed in my whole life. Coldness, uncaring parents and schoolmates, that I was familiar with. That I could handle. I was an expert in ignoring people's opinions and simply live my life as I seemed fit. But this kind of hurt… This betrayal… I had thought last night was special, that despite the rough start it could become the start of a new beginning maybe. An escape from the trash that our life had turned into.

How could I have been so foolish? Of course, it didn't mean anything to her. No, it was probably just a fling, a spur of the moment to satisfy her needs, who knew how many people she had fucked in this business already. Hell, maybe I got myself some disease now! I was just somebody for a good ride and then could be cast aside like everybody else, wasn't I? Someone who wasn't even worth to stay with afterwards.

Once I had respected Aino Minako, looked up to her. After Galaxia's defeat Inners and Outers had trained together frequently and Minako had often took me aside to train my combat skills which I admit were barely above Ami's level when you didn't count the glaive. I had envied her for her skill and leadership abilities and most of all that she treated me as the Senshi I was, not the little princess that had to be protected from herself as my stepparents often did.

A friend. She hoped we could still be friends? Who the hell did she think she was? I am not a slut! Every other person I would have given a piece of mind if they dared as much as touching me. And I had did so numerous times yesterday evening. Well to hell with it! I had known before and felt myself only confirmed that emotions were for weaklings. I think my alter ego had the right idea. The only thing it got you when you showed emotion was getting hurt. An emotion as well. Feh.

Love was a hollow concept and I would not fall again for it. The bitch could stuck her friendship somewhere else, preferably up her ass. No thank you, I could live very well without it.

It's getting dark, I better finish now. I have work to do after all. Something much more satisfying than the misery of emotion. I had already lost one night because of that fiasco.

(Minako)

I don't think she was pleased. Really, Minako, what were you thinking? As if what you've done wasn't bad enough already, you had to leave her alone at your friend's house, in an empty bed with a silly note that you would have smashed right through the roof with a Crescent Beam if it had been you in her place? No really, that was pathetic. I wouldn't wonder too much when she never wanted to have anything to with you for awhile or for like… forever? Kuso.

How could I have screwed up so much the remaining bit of companionship that still had been there? I should have known better than to invite her to that party. A party, yes, very funny term… I really should have known better. She wouldn't resist. Of course she wouldn't resist for her craving for comfort and feeling was equally as strong as mine and Usagi's these days. But was that really comfort I gave her? Had I really been implying feeling? Yeah sure… I, Aino Minako, the Goddess of Love am an expert on this field, aren't I? A grand expert of how to screw people, in one way or another. And I had done so with Hotaru. Screwing her in that sense and with that screwing up the last bit of friendship that was still there. A friendship I cherished because I did not have anyone else - even with Usagi it was different these days - and a friendship that I didn't want to lose. I liked the little raven, really. A lot. Probably a lot more than I ever wanted to admit to myself.

But I could forget that now. This night hadn't been emotional. There was no feeling there, just lust, passion and a lot of sex. Not what we really needed. I don't think leaving made it that much worse. But it certainly helped. Then I had woken up yesterday morning, next to one of the only two people I could still call "friends", naked and with a massive hangover from too much alcohol and the marathon fucking, I didn't really know what to do. I wanted to stay and maybe talk it out with her, but the gravity of what I had done was weighing down on me heavily and I just couldn't stand it. I admit I was a chicken, I wasn't able to look in her eyes and see the accusation and disgust there. Thus, I ran.

That this would come out of the evening I should have known but I had ignored all the warnings anyway. And now I stood in front of the shards from the broken mirror and didn't know what to do. How to make this right again? Was it even possible to make it right again?

"Hey, Venus." Oh please, not her. Mariko, my "friend" - I mentally spat at the term - who had hosted the party. This was my first workday afterwards and I had to run into her first of all people. Oh joy. This cheesy, annoying and seductive grin on her oh-so-pretty face, I wanted to wipe… or should I make that whip it right off? She thinks she's the best, is standing over everybody and the prettiest woman alive. Ami could have beaten her on natural charm. "Hey, did you talk to your friend. She seemed pretty upset then she left, wrecked the whole room. Didn't she like it? After all that would be a first for you…"

I don't think she ever saw the slap coming or expected to be hurled right on an office table, full with computer and everything. With a crash, she brought everything down with her on the other side and the desk was shaking dangerously… but didn't fall. A pity. Everyone stared from Mariko to me and back. I don't think anyone minded that it was her on the receiving end but the action took notice of course.

"I take the day off," I declared with a menacing look to everyone in general, whirled around and stalked out of the door, leaving silence behind… and a probably severally injured Mariko. It didn't help though that she was most of the time my work partner. So I probably had to do her a favor when I came back. Making this kinds of favors, however, seemed to be the only thing I did anyway nowadays. And despite what she thought of herself, she was quite easy to please. Nothing compared to two Senshi on the verge of ecstasy.

Shit, I needed to take my mind off of that subject but didn't know how. I had made a few calls yesterday but either Hotaru hadn't been home or was simply not answering and I didn't dare a direct confrontation yet. That would probably be a bad idea. Not that I had much hope anyway.

Looking up I sighed in quiet defeat. As if on autopilot I had wound up at the Tsukino-ke. Usagi was surprisingly still living home… Otherwise maybe it was not that surprising. Knowing that I would most likely wind up doing the exact thing I wanted to get away from for some time, I rung the bell and waited. Usagi must have seen me from above or something because she had me already halfway pulled in before my finger even had left the buzzer.

"Minako-chan, it is good to see you!" My blonde friend proceeded to drag me through the house and I only managed a weak hello to Ikuko-san before we were up the stairs. Usagi paused in her enthusiasm - which I knew all too well was a false front - when she noticed my distant expression. I tried my best to look nonchalant but I guess nobody could really blame me in my situation.

Frowning Usagi sat down on her bed, the happy mood already fading to be replaced by this sad and depressed eyes that always looked at me pleadingly. I sighed, closing and locking the door behind us and walking over to her. Silently I sat down and waited. It was sort of like a ritual. Sometimes we'd talk, sometimes we'd just got down to business, so to speak. I could never really predict in which mood she was anymore. Just depressed or simply fed up with everything. I couldn't believe her family was apparently fooled. Even Naru seemed to by it although they didn't see each other that often anymore. Maybe they just thought she was growing up. Oh yeah, we were doing that just fine. Too quickly. We should have enjoyed this years. Heck, we should probably already be in a great crystalline palace and rule over the world. A peaceful world, a happy world. An utopia. A fantasy, nothing more.

I felt her hand on my shoulder and since she didn't talk in the few minutes we sat there, I guess that meant down to business. Give her some feeling, at least her. She deserved it. Hotaru had deserved it too… A blurry memory flashed in front of my mind's eye and I winced. "Usa-chan, I can't… not today…" It was still too fresh. The wound would take time to heal and in this state I might even end up hurting my Princess too. Yes, she was still my Princess. Even though Crystal Tokyo was never going to come. After all, she was still the reincarnation of Serenity. In the future it would have been Queen. Would have been…

I had no idea how she had managed to lift my shirt without me noticing it but somehow she did and I couldn't help but moan as soft fingers played over bare skin. Softly, sensitive and sensual. What was wrong with this picture here? "Usa…" I tried but she put a finger on my lips and then kissed me lightly. More like brushing, feather light. "What's bothering you?" Damn, what the hell was she doing to me, that was not in the usual game plan. My mind had to grasp hard on reality to give her an answer, as she trailed kisses down from my neck, along my throat and further down.

Answering though was hard, honestly answering was hard. Because that meant admitting that I had messed up. And Usagi had wanted this Christmas party, just us three. We hadn't done that in a long time. Hoping to hide the tears that were threatening to well up, I pulled her up to my level and give her a longing kiss that left her gasping for air.

"Hotaru… It's just… Gomen… I messed up big time…" I choked out between barely restrained sobs, ashamed to break down here, in front of my Princess, my best friend. Usagi would never think anything of it but I felt vulnerable all of a sudden. Something I hadn't allowed myself too feel for a long time. You had to stay in control in this business or you were gone quicker than you could say goodbye. "Kami, how can I ever make that right again?" I asked and was not sure if it was directed at her or myself. Surely my babbling didn't make much sense right now.

Usagi was kissing me again, following her earlier path. My head jerked up… or maybe down, when she reached for the clasp of my bra. Suddenly it made an almost ridiculous ironic kind of sense.

Looking up at me my friend smiled softly. "Let it go, Minako. Just let it go for tonight, I'll make it better." Usagi, my Princess, the person I had been giving "favors" simply because she asked me after the depression had become too much, had completely turned the principle around. I knew it was false, not really real, just the need to feel something, anything. This time, however, it was me needing her. More than ever.

(Usagi)

The sky was clad in darkness today. Thick, black clouds, heavy rain, thunder rattling the earth - I hated thunder. A lightning bolt struck only a few feet away and made me flinch. The light illuminated the darkness and briefly bathed the schoolyard of Juuban High and its occupants in an eerie light. Tomorrow would be Graduation Day and by then we probably had the place messed up beyond reckoning.

The creatures opposing us were sickening to look at. Faces warped into disgusting masks with sharp and bent teeth, some with eyes hanging from their sockets or ears half cut off. Slime, blood and other substances that I didn't even want to know about dripped from their mouths… or should I call them gorges? Perhaps. Limbs often not more than that with sharp, pronounced claws. Not to forget that some of them looked as if they could crush someone with their small "finger". I wanted to throw up, really, and only Mamoru's hand on my shoulder kept me from simply turning tail and running. Maybe I should have…

There was no word spoken, no prolonging to the battle. Another flash lit the area for a brief moment blinding me and then the screaming started. The first one was from Ami and I could only watch in abject shock as the horror had already began unfolding. It was far too late for any of us to react. One of the things had ripped right through our tight formation, scattering my Senshi everywhere and had gone straight for the weakest - in terms of combat. With a blade-like arm it was upon her before she could finish her scream and the upwards slash, through clothing and sensitive skin alike, was swift and brutal, ending only then it reached her chin and took her head right off.

A numb feeling began to spread through my whole body as I stared helplessly at one of my oldest friends… or what remained of her. At the same time something I had never felt before tried to break through the surface and rage havoc. Anger. Fury. Rage. I wanted that thing and its whole brute dead, slaughtered and damned in the fires of the nine hells for all eternity. Before the scream of anguish could leave my throat though it got stuck there. Stuck because the next attack was meant for me. And as the courageous protector he was Tuxedo Kamen pushed me aside and held up his cane to deflect the punch. The stone-like monster did not even falter as it cut through the object and rammed his oversized fist deep into Tuxedo Kamen's stomach.

Before he could as much as vocalize his pain, the Golem monster had grabbed him and enveloped his body in a crushing bear hug that was beyond doubt deadly. I heard bones cracking. "No…" A cry of pain I had never heard a human being - let alone my beloved - emitting, blood spraying from his throat and veins. "No…" A sickening sound and one last blood-filled scream, then silence. "No…" The monster let the twisted and broken body fall to the ground right to my feet. "No…" I sank to my knees, my eyes surely blank and my heart all cold and… almost non-existent. I couldn't have told you where it had vanished too at that moment. With a hand, much like a robot I reached out and paused briefly to gently stroke the face that lay peaceful in my mind's eyes, with a content and serene expression on the ground in front of me.

In reality of course, there was no peace, only a grimace and distorted features, eyes rolled back and the mouth smeared with its owner's blood, blood was also flowing from the throat and other parts. However, I didn't see all that, when I reached over to close his eyes gently.

After that I just sat back and watched in a state of blissful ignorance. Reality had slipped through my grasp and I could only sit back and follow the nightmare that was in front of me. The nightmare I would surely wake up from soon.

I had long since stopped sitting upright and screaming at the dreams. What use was it anyway? Trying to slow down my irregular heart rate and breathing I simply snuggled closer to the body of warmth next to me, basking in the fantasy that it was Mamoru there.

It hadn't been a nightmare and I hadn't "woken up" from it. I had just been brought back to reality. By then it was far too late to save anyone else. It had taken the simultaneous deaths… no, make that slaughters of Rei and Luna - in human form by that time - that had snapped me out of my comatose state. Seeing them buried by a pile of vicious and loathsome monsters, their screams of torture and mauling breaking the haze of the illusion that all this was just a dream. Hot tears of anger finally spilled from my eyes as I helplessly watched Luna literally being impaled on her own tail. I think I would never forget the look on her face of agonizing pain as a part of herself was ruthlessly twisted around and thrust into her… without stopping. Mars tried to reach her in time but only got one breast already visible through her torn shirt cut off for her troubles. Her face reflecting the agony, she still managed to take the thrust right through her heart that was meant for me by the enemy's sword.

I exploded. Literally. The Ginsishou in my hands a hot, blazing nova of light. Venus and Saturn were at my side immediately. They had been the only ones that survived besides me. Jupiter had been killed early in a rush of blinded rage at seeing Mercury slaughtered. I guess the speculations that something had been going on between them were justified. Artemis didn't last either but Luna kept going anyway. The Outers fought well but separated from each other, they didn't last long either. Neptune had been the first, amazingly Uranus lasted past Pluto who had tried to put all her power into one desperate attack but never managed to complete it, before her staff had been used against her in a way, I really didn't want to go into detail about.

Somehow Venus and Saturn had survived the general slaughter, keeping close to each other and fending off their attackers but not managing much more. Then they joined me, they were humanly reckoning. Their fukus torn in a way that left them practically naked, bleeding from places I didn't know you could even bleed from. But still breathing, still alive. There had only been one look exchanged, one confirmation of brutal, merciless vengeance. Our hands joined, the crystal floated in mid-air and rose above our heads as Saturn brought her blood-smeared Glaive to bear and Venus wrapped her golden heart chain around it. We all had one hand on the hilt and one reached up for the crystal.

What really happened next I could not tell you. The wave of all-consuming light bursting forward was pure fire. Like a rage of the gods themselves, Azabu-Juuban would forever remember the day when the epic column of power streaked to the heavens and the cry of three souls merged in despair echoing through the town.

Propping up on my elbows I turned to look at the blonde next to me. Her sleep beyond troubled but I was not sure, if by the same things. At least not to me. I knew what had happened, well I thought that I did. I could feel her energy on her, still fresh but dimming. I had no idea how but we might have connected on some level this day that was beyond my understanding. That's why I could feel Hotaru's energy there, especially a few hours ago when we made love… No, more like comforted each other. It was ironic actually that it had been me comforting her this time although I had longed for her before we had begun. Maybe that was alright, she deserved it, she deserved so much more.

Minako had been there for me when I needed her… needed someone. She had been there than the loneliness and cold feeling in my heart had become too much and I wanted nothing more than to end this miserable existence. But I couldn't do that, they had all died for me, died to protect me until their last breath. I couldn't do this to them, to their memory. With Minako I could forget for a few hours and just enjoy the feeling. Some feeling. Any feeling.

But… She deserved more. I knew she wanted Hotaru, loved her… even if the harsh reality of our lives didn't allow her to admit it. They had become awfully close before the horrendous day and I had secretly hoped that they would find a way to escape their only loneliness with each other. Yet, instead of driving them to each other after the event, it all went wrong. Hotaru became distant and cold like her alter ego, not caring much anymore. She worked in a bar now or something, as what even I didn't know. And Minako, Minako had tried again and again to reach out to her, to both of us. While I let her, simply because I needed it myself, Hotaru had always resented. Minako had become bitter and careless. I knew she was drinking a lot… and smoking. I didn't even want to think about her work.

She still loved her though. I knew that beyond a doubt. Or maybe I just didn't want to allow myself to fall back into the fantasy that there was something different than craved feeling in the nights Minako and I shared. It was a fantasy and nothing more because they deserved some happiness and I couldn't give them that, neither of them. Because I didn't deserve it. What did someone deserve who let their friends die anyway?

Chapter 2: Trauma

(Hotaru)

Gasping breathlessly I pulled the wonderfully wet heat closer and immediately had to bite down hard as a fist was drilled ruthlessly in my own heat. Hot tears were running down my face, mingling with the salvia from above. If my mouth wasn't occupied I would have screamed as the blow - and it really couldn't be described as anything less - hit my pleasure spot again with such force I was sure it would go right through to my very soul. I was in a state of numb bliss, neither caring, nor daring to end the agony that came with the pleasure. Why would I? It felt so damn good.

Snaking my tongue deep inside of her and ribbing on the sensitive flesh with my teeth I felt her spasm in tune with my own rhythm. Shaking uncontrollably she thrust her wet pussy deeper into my mouth, grinding her hips down mercilessly and pressing me harder into the hard mattress. In turn her own strikes became faster and I was sure I was drawing flesh with my teeth as her fist pulled out and came down with even greater force and speed than before. Again and again. My vision turned blurry and finally white as my body acted on its own. And in one, life-threatening climax the world literally exploded.

A few minutes later I finally regained some sort of conscience and found the very vision of a blond angel looming over me. Her smile was dazzling and I felt my heart melting as she reached out to stroke my face. "Aishiteru," she whispered with unconditional love shining in her eyes before she snuggled up half on top of me and I closed my eyes with a happy smile…

My eyes fluttered open and I sat up straight… only to fall back against the cushion with a heartfelt groan when reality began to settle in again. The smell of arousal was in the air and I looked down with disgust at the jeans I was wearing. How many times had it been now that I had these dreams? Of course it had started the night after the party. I could not get it out of my system as it seemed. Shimatta, I had only sat down for five minutes. Looking at the clock I noticed it had been twenty now. Shit, why couldn't I just forget about that mistake? I wanted to, I really wanted to. It made me scream that I was reminded again and again of that night. Wasn't fate through with me by now? Or was I just a commercial joke that could be used all over again?

The slut, I hated her for making me feel that way, for wanting her to come and tell me that it meant more to her than just mindless lust. I hated her for making me want to crawl to her and beg that she'd come back. I could not figure it out and that was the truly disgusting thing. It couldn't be love. Love had died for me that night… or better that morning. Hadn't it?

"Hotaru-chan… I am sorry for last night. I lost control and wasn't thinking. Maybe it's too much to ask but I hope we still can be friends."

Yeah sure. As if! Deciding that a cold shower was in order, I was on my way to the bathroom as a gentle rapping from the door stopped me. I frowned, annoyed at the interruption. Nobody came here anyway except Minako and if it was her… It better not be her. "What?" I shouted harshly. There was a silence on the other end for a few moments and I was already tempted to simply turn around and follow my earlier intention. "Hotaru-chan…? It's me. Usagi." I paused at that and walked over to the door but didn't open it. I wasn't really in the mood and why the heck did Usagi came her, she rarely did, more like… never!

"What is it?" I asked again, trying to mask my anger and frustration a bit. Again silence at the other end for a moment. "Um… can I come in?" I shook my head but realized she couldn't see it. Sighing I realized I would have to say something to make her go away. I didn't want to deal with anyone. No one at all. And most certainly not the pending between faked ignorance and depression Usagi of late. I couldn't stand that. "Usagi, I'm busy." Looking over at my work room, I added. "I have work to do. Just tell me what you want or come back later." Just tell me what you want, don't come back later, I mentally chanted. "Oh… I just wanted to ask, um… I was thinking we could, um… make a Christmas… party… andwantedtoaskifyouwantedtocome…" Long since trained in Usagi babble I figured the last bit out quickly but wasn't really listening anymore as my irritation turned to silent anger. She knew. From her tone and the squeak at the word "party", it was easy to tell.

"Not as long as Minako is coming," I answered flatly and hoped dearly that the conversation would end with that. Of course, I couldn't be that lucky. "Demo… Hotaru-chan… I know you are mad but Minako is really sorry and…"

"I SAID NO!" I all but screamed, ripping the door open and throwing the words directly in her face. The blonde shrunk back in fright and I flinched a little for screaming at my Princess but I was beyond caring already. The dream and then Usagi had brought my patience beyond the boiling point. "Why doesn't the Queen Slut come here herself?" I snarled angrily, my eyes flashing as a portion of my pent-up emotions came bubbling to the surface.

"What is it with you two anyway? Did she tell you how good of a ride it was while fucking you! Was it good for you? Does she do even half the things that she did with me?" Tears began to glister in the other girl's eyes at this statement and a small part in me rebelled and screamed at me for being so cruel to my own Princess. She just wanted to help. I stomped down on that part, hard. "Are you here for her, Usagi? Tell me. Or is it just for yourself?" I continued in a now chilling whisper. "You are pathetic, both of you. You bath in your self-misery all day and let yourself be fucked by her. A fine Princess you are, Usagi. Get real, you cannot change what happened and if you continue this, life will be out of your grasp before you realize it."

"Hotaru, I…" she tried but I cut her off immediately. "And Minako is not much better. Who does she think she can fool with that 'I'm trying to hold us together' attitude? It is not as if she is helping. Well, if she thinks she can discard me so easily, I can as well! For all I care, you can both stay away from me with your sorry excuses for a life! I AM NOT COMING AND THAT IS FINAL!"

With that I slammed the door shut again and stalked of towards the bathroom. Inside the roaring flames were surely but steadily suffocated by a blanket of regret and guilt. I was being overly unfair, I knew. But most of it was true nonetheless. Usagi never managed to move on… or at least give the impression that she did like Minako did. Our Princess had become a truly pathetic example of self-pity and depression, hiding in the cocoon of self-loathing she had spun around her in an act of swallowing all the blame for the horrible day years ago by herself.

It was obvious what her and Minako were doing. In my eyes they would probably never be able to let go and get their lives back together. At least I had managed somewhat but their false pretending of mutual comfort would only lead them deeper into the illusion they had made out of their lives.

And still, still I wanted to go and run right to them, letting my own wounded heart bleed with theirs.

"To hell with it!" I screamed, shutting the bathroom door loudly behind me. I was not weak, I would not succumb to emotions again. The only thing it brought you was even more pain.

(Usagi)

By the time I made it back home, I had calmed down a little. Hotaru's words had cut deep. More than I wanted to think about. Had I really been so bad? It had been a long time since anyone ever accused me of being pathetic. Not since Galaxia to be exact. Having it smashed into your face like that by the heartbroken woman had felt like a slap. I could really not blame her for it. Yes, she had been heartbroken, I had seen it in her eyes, there was no mistaking it. Minako had messed this one up bigger than she realized. Hotaru felt the same way as her or at least did. The attraction DID went both ways as I had always suspected. But could it be so easily repaired?

Something stirred in me, a feeling I hadn't been made aware of for awhile. A character trait my friends always said they envied me for, what made me so important to them. What was it again? Responsibility? A little. Caring for my friends? That too. Selflessness. Most likely.

Hotaru was right. I had to snap out of this. For years I had dwelled on and on, listlessly counting days, days with no meaning, days I could have spent happy with my friends, if I had been a better Senshi, a better leader, a better princess… I couldn't make that right again, I couldn't bring them back, not anymore. But I could do something for the friends that were still with me and who needed me now the most. Minako had done so much for us, maybe… No, it WAS time for me now to do something for her and for Hotaru as well.

A soft smile, not quite genuine but neither was it forced like always played across my lips as I entered the house mumbling a soft "tadaima" and going straight for the stairs. I stopped though when I saw Okaasan standing in the kitchen door, her arms folded and an expression of grim determination on her face. From time to time my parents tended to catch onto the fact that I was already twenty-four and still not having a job nor going to college - not that I had ever planned to do so. Father had become quiet famous with his photographs and he had been promoted shortly before graduation. We certainly weren't rich or anything but money was never much off an issue… At least it wasn't really necessary for me to earn any own income. Hotaru was right again. I truly was pathetic.

Well that had to be dealt with later… After Christmas or something. Sparing my mother a glance I hurried past her. "Not now, Okaasan. Later I'll promise." And with that I was up the stairs, a sudden energy flowing through my body once again. I didn't really know what about the actions of the last hours had woken me up from my state of lethargy, maybe it was just everything together. But Hotaru's words as harsh as they were had hit a nerve. Now, I had something to concentrate on again and I intended to not rest before I had gotten this argument cleared up and my friends on the right path towards a relationship. Yep, that I would do. My own life could come later.

Whistling a strangely familiar tune that I couldn't quite place, I searched through my wardrobe to find something more suitable to wear. After ten minutes I still turned up blank. Darn, I really had to go shopping. Thinking back, I couldn't recall a time when I really went on a greater shopping tour, ravishing malls until the feet hurt in the last six years. Minako and I had planned to do just that for Christmas but first I had to make sure that Hotaru would be coming. Preferably in a good mood.

Finally deciding on a white shirt and a matching sweater, I sat down on my bed to think. How to get this situation resolved? Both parties in question obviously had feelings for the other, deeper feelings. With Minako I knew and Hotaru's outburst had shown me as much. The whole thing was a terrible misunderstanding based on false judgment, fear and years of loneliness. The best would most likely be to set the two up, so that they could resolve the issue. But how?

A devilish smile formed on my lips and I picked up the phone. Minako said she would be away from work for a few days and I had her cell phone number anyway. After a few minutes a click was heard and a groggy voice answered. "Yeah, what is it?" I suppose she slept in. No wonder with all what has gone on. "Hey, Mina-chan, it's me." A longer pause. "Usagi?" she asked hesitantly, with an incredulous undertone. Okay, I hadn't been very talkative lately - I had that already figured out - and couldn't remember than the last time was I had called her. "Don't sound so surprised," I said lightly. Now how to do this? I hadn't told her I was going to see Hotaru today. Didn't want to get her hopes up. "You'll never imagine who I ran into today."

"Hotaru," came the reply a little tiredly, followed by a barely concealed sigh. Alright, then I was predictable. So? "Listen, Usagi, you don't have to…" I interrupted her before she could make herself miserable again. "She said she wanted to meet you after work." Silence. I didn't like to lie but what was a lie in a situation like this? I was just helping, right? Right.

"Tonight?" Minako finally squeaked and I had to refrain from laughing. Really, I wanted to. She sounded almost like the little schoolgirl on one of her "love missions" again. "Yep," I answered seriously, glad that she couldn't see my face because I knew that I couldn't have fooled her.

"Did she say why?" Her voice was hopeful and I really wanted to tell her that Hotaru was sorry and wanted to apologize but that would only lead to another misunderstanding. "No, not really," I answered. There was another pause, then Minako could be heard sighing again. "Oh… Okay, I suppose." Frowning a little, I tried to use my best motherly, chiding voice - having your future child visiting you frequently helped immensely. Well, not so frequently anymore… I pushed the darker emotions back and concentrated on the conversation again. "You are going, right? You have to be going. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

"Well, if you insist…" Minako was still reluctant. "Absolutely," I told her firmly. And with a final "Good Luck" disconnected. A part of me really didn't want to let Minako go. I knew where was nothing between us, could never be but… NO! I had made my decision I had to get back out of this vicious cycle. I didn't deserve her anyway and had always known that someday Minako would find someone else and then our little meetings might have to stop. It wasn't a relationship, just a comfort for mutual souls. I wouldn't need that anymore, I told myself. As long as they were happy I would be.

Why did a little part of me didn't believe that then?

(Minako)

The night air was chilly, no wonder in about a week would be Christmas. Snow was yet to fall - it was rather late this year - but the temperatures were already past the zero point. No human soul was out on the dark streets of Azabu-Juuban and would I be in my right mind I wouldn't be out at this late an hour too. Past midnight already, I would have to pass work tomorrow again but that was worth it. I hoped it would be worth it.

Usagi's assault-like phone call this morning - okay, it was already lunch time or something - took me totally by surprise. I hadn't planned on confronting Hotaru so soon. In my opinion she should have some time to cool off. However, there was something in Usagi's voice that baffled me. Had that been a degree of happiness that I had heard there? It could have been that I was still to groggy from just being woken up from my cell phone but I could swear she sounded a lot more like the old Usagi before the incident. The old Usagi would have done just that. Figuring out what was going on and immediately trying to straighten it out. And try as you might, if she wanted something to be done, you could hardly resist her. And if Hotaru really wanted to see me…

I turned another corner and found myself in the alley leading to the back of the bar. I figured that Hotaru would come out here, I hoped at least. It was still a mystery to me what exactly she was doing here. I knew Hotaru usually wasn't drinking. So what the heck was she working as here? Maybe I should go in and find out that would surely be interesting but I didn't want to get her angry even more. By any luck I might get our friendship back in some order. I couldn't ask for more. I wouldn't dare to ask for more. What was there to ask for anyway?

As I was still debating with myself, the object of my desire… Err, that came out wrong. I meant that Hotaru was already came out of the backdoor. Her black leather jacket and jeans were blending perfectly with the darkness and wouldn't it be for Senshi-enhanced vision and the constant pull when we were near each other, I wouldn't have noticed or recognized her at all. She didn't seem to have noticed me - or just didn't show it.

I was just about to step into the light of the dim street lamp when I heard someone else approaching. Pulling back again I hid further in the shadows and saw two suspicious figures were moving in on Hotaru's position. Their steps silent despite the heavy boots. Clad in thick dark brown trench coat and a similar jacket as Hotaru's I could just make out that one was male and the other female. My instincts screamed for me to move out and help Hotaru but seeing how relaxed she seemed to regard the two, I stayed there I was and watched.

Straining my ears I picked up pieces from the conversation. "… owe us that money," I heard a deep male voice. "I don't know what you are talking about. The job has been done, I'm not responsible for you screwing up," Hotaru responded. "… Listen, you better pay and if you can't maybe how about some other… favors." I cringed at that, it was obviously what they were talking about and the subject hit too close to home for my liking.

"Gomen, I'm not interested in bullies," Hotaru responded coolly and I had to smile. Before the man could voice his disapproval I saw the woman move forward, pressing herself not to subtly against Hotaru's body. "Then you might go for something else?" she asked seductively. That turned out to be a mistake. A big mistake. Before the woman could as much as blink Hotaru had already thrown her against the wall of the bar, holding her up with one hand around her throat. The man moved to help his partner but only received a backhand for his troubles that sent him flying into a pile of trashcans, successfully stunning him.

"I don't like to be touched," Hotaru stated in a deathly low and chilling voice. I had already moved from my hiding place, seeing as the woman - as much as she deserved it - was not really in any position to speak and would not be permanently, if I didn't do anything. At the useless attempts of the woman to claw at Hotaru's hands, my friend only squeezed tighter and if she continued that any further would surely snap her neck.

"Hotaru!" I called out, using a commanding tone that was more familiar with my alter ego. Her head turned and she snarled when her eyes spotted me. I was taken aback momentarily by the expression. There was a flicker of hate and accusation, that much I had expected, but for the most part they were ice-cold, expressionless. Just like Sailorsaturn's… Maybe even like… "Stop it," I croaked out, my voice barely above a whisper, a sudden fear washing over me.

Hotaru's eyes didn't lose their distant look. Turning back to the helpless woman who seemed to be suffocating every second now, she replied. "Why should I? Why should I listen to you?" The monotone tone cut deep and I had to force myself mentally to control my racing heart. Had I done this? Had I brought her to snap and leave her alter ego free reign? "It's not, as if anyone cares anyway in this world…"

Reaching out with her other hand she adjusted her grip on the woman's throat who was now choking heavily, blood was running out of her mouth. I couldn't let this continue. Hotaru wasn't a murderer and I would never forgive myself, if I made her one. Gathering my strength, I said as firmly as I managed: "Do you want to become like her?" I didn't need to say the name. Hotaru knew deep down exactly who I was referring to.

The woman spat blood and gasped for air the same time that Hotaru dropped her to the ground as she suddenly froze up on the spot. I didn't want to cut deeper but I needed to get my point across. "You don't want to become a murderer, Hotaru," I continued while approaching her slowly. "You don't want to be like her, becoming what you despised the most. Remember, you told me yourself…" The raven-haired girl began shaking uncontrollably with my words and as I reached out with a tentative hand for her shoulder she finally crumbled and sunk down to her knees, tears breaking through the dam she had built for herself over the years.

I spared a glance at the woman. Her partner seemed to have recovered enough. I gave him one look and he hurriedly picked the female up and vanished into the night. Looking back down at the girl huddled in a heap of misery on the ground, I felt my heart debating with itself whether to break or reach out to her. Hunching down I gently pulled the softly crying girl I still considered as a friend, maybe even more so, into a tight embrace, deciding to never let go even when the world around us would end. With one hand I softly stroke through the long dark mane that fell long over her shoulders and I wished nothing more at this moment than to make everything better although I knew I probably could not.

"Gomen nasei…" I murmured. Hotaru's tear flow finally stopped and she looked up through blurry pupils at me with a mixture of wonder and pain. "I never wanted to hurt you," I told her truthfully, pouring my pent-up feelings into the world. "But you did," Hotaru whispered and pushed me away a little, as she stood up. I flinched but refused to give ground now. This needed to be resolved here and now or else I would neither find the strength nor get the chance ever again. "Onegai, Hotaru. What else do I have to do? I already said I was sorry for sleeping with you…"

"THAT IS NOT WHY YOU HURT ME!" I reeled back from the intensity of her shout and was mildly surprised that I didn't fell on my butt. But I was too shocked to even took notice of this. My eyes held hers. Gone was the coldness, replaced by hot-blazing anger and pain, pain that went like a knife right through my heart. "Then… Then why?" I managed to whisper, my mind racing. Hotaru looked away. "You wouldn't understand." She tried to sound cold again but failed miserably.

What was she implying? I thought that I ruined our friendship by giving into temptations, by letting my desire reign my judgment. I thought I violated her trust and that I would have completely understood. But if I hadn't hurt her by the act when why… A horrible suspicion began to gnaw on my conscience. I caught her wrist before she could move away and spun her around, fixing my eyes on hers. "WHY?" I repeated as strongly as she did before, with a truly desperate note to it. Hotaru hesitated for a moment, when in a quiet whisper answered: "Because you left."

And suddenly I felt all numb. Megami, what had I done? She hadn't been unwilling, even in my state she hadn't been and it hadn't been just for comfort either. It made all a a horrible kind of sense now. Hotaru had WANTED more, she had expected more, she had at least expected me to be there when she woke up. And like a chicken I left, left her like some unworthy whore after a good one night stand.

"Kami… How can I ever make this right again?" I asked, speaking more to myself than Hotaru. Shame started to mingle with the rising feelings I had kept hidden so long, I had not allowed myself to feel ever since the fateful day that had shaped our lives ever since then. Yes, how could I ever repair what I had done? I didn't know and I honestly didn't know what to make of the overwhelming emotions threatening to tear me apart or how to deal with the new information.

On instincts alone, my hands that had hovered right under Hotaru's chin anyway, reached out to lift her head ever so softly. Mechanism as old as mankind took over as my mind was unable to deal anymore with the chaos the situation had developed into. And as my lips finally met hers, I let go of all the feelings and emotions that were inside of me for years now. The kiss wasn't harsh or demanding or anything the matter. Barely a soft caress it came straight from the heart instead, genuine and full of… love.

Part Three: Turning Points

(Usagi)

Quietly I slipped away from the dark corner I had been hiding in, unseen by both Minako and Hotaru. I had seen enough, the healing was starting to begin. Inwardly I was as much surprised as I was relieved. Never had I anticipated that this night would work out so smoothly. Sure, there still would be a lot of work to be done, a lot of barriers had to be torn down but my two friends had made the first step in the right direction. Towards a better future, that would look at least a little brighter than this one. They deserved it.

Looking back one last time, I smiled softly as Minako and Hotaru continued their kiss for a small eternity under the arch of the roof. A lone mistletoe had been hung over them. You could almost grasp the love radiating from them and also the tension leaving the air.

I took this at my cue to leave. As pure as the kiss was, surely it would not be the only thing exchanged tonight. Walking through the darkened streets, my thoughts kept wandering back to my two friends in the backyard of the bar. Maybe their lives would look up now, maybe they could get some normality into them again. And maybe, just maybe I would be able to do so as well. Seeing them happy, made me happy and I would do anything to keep it that way.

So lost in my thoughts, I hadn't really paid attention to my surroundings, other than the general way back home. That proved to be fatal.

(Hotaru)

As lips finally parted, I could not quite describe what I felt. Relief? Desire? Hope? Fear? But one thing that was sure like a constant was the spark of emotion, of a good emotion. A feeling had suddenly ripped right through the shell I had put it in ever since the fateful day. Love. The love for the amazing, blonde angel who had once again totally turned my world upside down and melted every resistance there might be, every hate and harsh feelings like butter. With one touch, one kiss there had been more said and done as in years before. It left me vulnerable, exposed and more than a little scared. Scared of what was about to come, the consequences. Tomorrow, I was sure I would face the world differently and I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

"Minako…" I breathed in a hushed whisper as gentle fingers were tiptoeing on my cheek. I stared up in blue eyes and wondered if it was possible to get lost in them. Lost in these orbs sparkling with the kind of adoration that made you all tingly inside. I was slowly losing myself in the situation.

"Are you alright now?" her voice soft but inquiring broke through the helpless state she had sent me into herself. Slowly I nodded and brought my own hands up to caress her face. Following a sudden urge I pulled her head down and this time the contact was much more heated, fueling the flame of passion between us anew, just like on this evening a few days ago, but this time I hoped it would not be blown out again. Tongues soon met in a game for dominance and I could feel her hands on my hips with the clear intentions of moving somewhere far less clothed.

I growled deeply but pulled her up anyways. It was hard to resist the primal call from my body but I had to make sure that this would not turn out as the last time. Minako didn't seem to be offended by the temporally repulsion. I put a finger on her lips to still her question. "Not here. Let's go over to my place. It's just a few blocks." She nodded, her face lightening up a bit. I suppose she had feared that I had changed my mind and would reject her. "If you don't want to, we don't have to…" she started but I just shook my head and took one of her hands between mine. "Just promise that you won't vanish on me again."

Minako looked down at our intertwined hands and then back up to me. Her eyes sincere and her smile kind of shy. "I won't."

(Usagi)

I had no time to react. Looking back on this event I should have been able to do something. While mostly despising physical strength my developed body was as much attuned to the benefits of my Senshi self as Minako and Hotaru's were.

As it was I was brought rudely out of my thoughts when hands grabbed me from behind in a steel-like embrace and pushed me into a nearby alley. All was happening so fast I could barely follow. At one moment I was walking down the street to my home, happy about the successful matchmaking and the next I was thrust brutally against the stone wall of a back alley.

Thick hands started to rip through my clothing and I gasped as another pair tore down my pants with almost systematical force. The strong, definitely male hands reached up to grip my breasts and squeeze down as if they were just buttons that could be pressed.

Enduring the inevitable ordeal until now in silence I cried out as I felt my unknown attackers dick being rammed right up my butt without warning. My head snapped up and I felt my vision blur, almost whiten from the hot, blazing sting. I could not believe how much pain there was as my insides were filled against their will and beyond any capacity. Through the tears of anguish I caught a glimpse of a woman in front of me. I would not have made the connection from the leather jacket and the dyed-scarlet hair alone but the marks on her throat, almost impossible to be seen in the darkness, made it horribly clear who I had happened to run into.

That recognition was not a relief though as behind me another thrust rocked me forward and I would have let loose with another bloody scream, if my own bra hadn't been forced into my mouth. The woman grabbed my hips, her fingernails scraping my flesh sharply and without warning bent forward to dive between my traitorous dripping-wet pussy lips. It didn't have much to do with the term of lovingly "eating someone out" though.

I simply pressed my eyes tightly shut as another wave of agony crashed through me as the cock behind me was drawn back and lined up for another thrust while the woman did not waste time with stimulating either as I felt her teeth smash down hard on my clit immediately sending another orgasm that had nothing to do with pleasure through me.

(Minako)

Hotaru fondled nervously with her keys. I could not blame her that her concentration was evaporating into the cold air of the late hour. We had barely made it to her home with our clothing still intact. Her leather jacket was open and I had lost mine already, only loosely hanging from my sleeves. Before the raven-haired beauty had found the lock completely, she had to suddenly stop and gasp as my hands couldn't be restrained any longer and found their way under her shirt and bra. I was delighted to see that the nipples under my touch already stood to attention. The small moans I drew out while making small, circular patterns on her sensitive skin turned into a surprised squeal as in one incredible maneuver I had managed to withdraw my hands, holding the black leather bra in my hands. So, little Hotaru was a bit of a fetish, ne?

Staring at me with round eyes, as she finally managed to unlock the door, Hotaru only managed a weak "How?" before I had her inside the apartment and the door shut. I think we knocked a lot of things over that lay in our path towards the bedroom. My attack was swift and furious as I let loose on the tight control I usually regaled myself with, even with Usagi. This time though it was not a haze of alcohol clouding my mind but an open, honest expression of feelings.

Hotaru found herself bare of anything but her panties - leather too - when we finally managed to find her small but cozy bedroom. The shriek from suddenly being airborne and landing on the bed, turned into almost ceremonial silence when I climbed onto the bed on the edge. Slowly, lecherously I crawled up her naked body like a cat cornering her prey, refusing any kind of contact. Hotaru's eyes followed my ascend transfixed as I took in every inch, every subtle movement of her birthday's suit at once. Finally coming up to the same level as her my desire-filled eyes found hers and the whimper from her mouth was enough to ignite the love I felt for the smaller girl ablaze anew.

"You're so beautiful." Hotaru whimpered again and was now squirming at the loss of contact, almost whined when I sat up momentarily, straddling her hips and the sounds turned into another series of gasps and moans when I slowly slipped out of my shirt and bra. Taking in the white, albino skin so naturally beautiful and the absolute obvious want in her eyes, my decision was already made. No stops today. I would give her everything. My colleagues from work knew from experience that I was good, a natural talent but I had always resigned myself to a certain control. Before this night was over I would make the wonderful, young woman below squirm and shudder, yes beg before bringing her to release. No less she deserved.

(Hotaru)

Goddess, was it that what girls and women alike went on about? Feeling like the most special woman alive? If yes then I was certainly already beyond that point. The wanton need I could easily read in the blonde's eyes was breathtaking. This wasn't a dream, this wasn't a fantasy, Minako really did want me. Me. Wow…

Her body I noted with fascination was like a sculpture, the work of a great artist and definitely worthy of her nickname. A Goddess of Love and Beauty she truly was. Her breasts not too big, just… right, wonderfully round-shaped, already hardened now from her own arousal. Her skin flawless, without any traces, neither battle scars nor love markings. It seemed to be actually glowing in my eyes.

I craved more contact, wanted this beautiful angel to touch me, wanted to touch her myself but to my dismay she slapped my eager hands away and waved one finger in front of my face. Before I could voice a protest there was only a flash of movement warning me, as lips tickled and caressed my earlobe. No teeth, no nibbling, just kissing and I could not believe how good that felt.

A shudder ran down my spine as the blonde vixen continued her torture-like treatment of kisses down my cheeks and on my neck and throat, momentarily reaching up to bring my mouth to hers but again denying the pleasure of the tongue. Whimpering under her touch she continued downward on my chest, as her hands were added below, fingernails, just the nails, stroking along my inner thighs, stopping inches away from the entrance of my lips below which were burning with anticipation by now. I growled as she withdraw, instead continuing her treatment on my ass cheeks with the same restraint as before.

Meanwhile her lips had found my right breast and I wanted to scream for her to stop killing me a thousands times over with that sweet but unfulfilling kisses, brushing over my by now hypersensitive skin. Like a mantra, the only thing I could mumble was a muffled "Onegai" again and again.

When she finally did it I was suddenly lifted into a world of unbelievable bliss. Without warning her mouth closed over one erect nipple, teeth raking on impatiently waiting flesh, sucking the round nub in her mouth. My hands gripped the bed sheets and I let loose with an almost bloodcurdling screech that I was sure jolted every neighbor out of their sleep, as I came from Minako's mouth on my breast alone. I never knew that was possible until now. And from the looks of it and the sly grin as she looked up at me through heavy eyelids she was not finished by a long shot. I closed my eyes in preparation as she turned her attention at my other breast.

(Usagi)

Another bloodcurdling scream was gagged when I felt my tight hole penetrated once again by the man's enormous member that felt like a sword hilt inside of me. This time it just wasn't the bra anymore. That has been discarded as I had been forced to "eat out" the redheaded woman myself. When the ruthless motions from behind increased in relentless speed I could only do so much to hold on as complying willingly with my rapists' demands and could only wonder, if it was possible to suffocate from swallowing too much cum. I was beyond caring though.

In the last minutes that seemed like an eternity for me the two assailants had done almost anything humanly imaginable and beyond to my aching and screaming body. Switching positions constantly I had been forced to swallow that huge dick until I thought it would go right down my throat. While the man was simply brutal and fixed on his own pleasure, the woman was worse. She seemed to enjoy the ordeal with a maddening gleam in her eyes. Not only did I have to literally swallow fluids from her ass until I threw up in disgust but for that I only got more punishment from her for my troubles. With her thick leather belt she had continued in an appalling rhythm to first whip my exposed clit with the metal buckle. I almost passed out from the searing, stabbing pain. I could not even scream as the man had taken his turn to gag me with his fat ass as he apparently watched interested when the women finally rolled up the belt and forced it down my swollen, sore, blistering and surely already infected opening with a brutality that defied description.

My tears must have turned bloody somewhere during all the "action" and I could only pray that they were finished soon because I doubted that I could take much more. The pumping increased again while the woman yanked at my odangos to pull my face even deeper in her own opening. My breasts were torn apart and above any erection state, held by nipple clamps which the woman had pulled out with pure delight and chained them on the metal box she was currently sitting on. Every thrust, every movement caused them to stretch like bubblegum and it hurt like hell.

My stamina was long gone and if the situation had been different I wondered how the male could stand it. He didn't seem to care though as he filled me again and again with his hard member and seed.

And then they suddenly stopped. Leaving me on the verge of another unwanted but sadistically needed release with the sticky taste of the woman's salvia smeared around my face. I didn't dare to move despite the agonized cries of my body that was racked with pain, cries pounding like a jackhammer in a never-ending rhythm. I heard clothing being donned again but still did not dare to do more than suck in long breaths of the chilly air that now began to add its sensation to my naked and battered body. Senshi stamina be damned, I don't believe even a god could have come out of this without being on the verge of death. At this point I think only the Ginsuishou had kept me awake and alive.

"Useless whore," I heard the feminine laugh behind me, before her belt once again struck home setting me off one last time, rocking me from the box surface and making my nipples burn as they were almost ripped off. "She lasted long though." The woman laughed again as footsteps began to walk away. "Do you feel better now?" the man asked. "Much."

(Minako)

The poor girl was practically out of her mind by the time I finally ended my seductive trail of butterfly kisses and took more severe action. If I wouldn't be too occupied I would have applaud myself for making Hotaru come from a gentle love bite on her breast alone. I knew what she was going through right now and that I was on the verge of accomplishing the goal I had set myself. In my dim memory I knew that I had done this once before in my past life but wasn't quite sure how or with whom but from that experience alone I was sure Hotaru was about to literally pounce me through the bed in an effort to satisfy the raging fire that was only fueled more by the first release. It was like she was cumming but it felt different, slow. Too slow. Instead of scratching that itch inside of her, it was making her even hornier!

Another hoarse scream tore from her throat as I finally succumbed to my own hunger and sought out her mounds like devouring food. Lips racked over skin that was literally on fire from the earlier treatment and my hands instinctively shot up below to press two fingers from each hand in her center. Hotaru would have rocked off the bed from the sensation if I wouldn't have pressed her down with my own body and her screams of pleasure were music in my ears.

The sensation on her cum immediately spilling out as my fingers squeezed her clit and the wild passion and craziness in her eyes as she looked down to me was enough to completely sent me over the edge. I think I must have hissed like a wildcat. In one swift movement I was down between her swollen pussy lips, widening the entrance forcefully with my fingernails and diving right to the source. My tongue shot out and hit her delicious button immediately while my mouth clamped down on the opening, prepared to take the full load of what was to come. And coming it did. With a piercing screech that sounded like someone was murdering her over and over again, her sweet salvia came rushing out like water behind a dam when a hole was smashed into it. I proceeded to drink every inch of.

The powerful taste and Hotaru's hand clawing on my head, pushing me even further in to the point where it wasn't possible anymore, I felt my passion-ignited mind totally slip into a frenzy. The smell was intoxicating, like a drug leaving you totally lightheaded and I could feel my body quiver from a sudden orgasm that hit me so unexpected that I had to cease my actions momentarily. She hadn't even done anything but the heat that was charging the air with pure energy was so strong I felt like being electrocuted from the experience of bringing her to release alone.

Acting on my own fire down below I smashed one thigh in between hers, crashing our centers together and sending both of us over the edge immediately. I fell forward, seeking out her breasts once again for some time, before devouring her mouth with a hunger leaving her panting afterwards. Her hands were on my back, fingernails digging into my flesh and when I rocked forward even further, my pelvis now not far from defying the impossible of being merged with hers, Hotaru didn't waste any time to pull me down and suck… no, make that gnaw on my own blistering breasts.

I shrieked in ecstasy from the contact and nearly fell off of her. It was like a geyser was inside of me and shooting streams of hot, burning water up my very soul again and again. It took me a time to finally forfeit my own pleasure and move back to the task I had set for myself.

Finally untangling my legs I did not let up on the pace as my right hand sought out her center while the other cupped her breast. Sliding down her body again, I left a steady, visible trail of simultaneously scraped from teeth and softened by tongue and kisses skin behind. I had her whimpering, moaning, groaning and panting at the same time when I reached her breasts again. Clamping down hard on one nipple, I balled up my fingers into a fist below and thrust deeply into her core, sending shockwaves through the air from the backlash of screaming and power filling the air. It was almost… No, it was touchable now, the heavy, prickling sensation of energy and I shuddered with tiny, mini-orgasms from that high-charged air on my bare skin.

I hadn't counted how often I had set Hotaru off with my fist and my other hand teasingly fingering the tight hole between her ass cheeks but when I finally withdraw, Hotaru amazingly begged in a crescendo of cries to continue. Not one to question in such a situation, I dipped my head down between her thighs again and latched onto the sweet fountain in renewed frenzy.

(Hotaru)

I doubt my mind was still present because any rational thoughts had vanished the moment Minako had elicited the first wave of pleasure. Instead of a release that I expected I was thrilled to encounter the passion slowly filling me and heightening my arousal even further. When she started to attack me without restraint, I could feel my very soul shooting up from its resting place and latching onto… something. With every release, every mixture of sweet pain and bliss she brought upon my flesh, the waves of never-ending sensations only came in higher quantities. Every nerve ending of my body was screaming as my body yielded to the incredulous treatment that this human goddess was lavishing on me. Every time my form rocked with the steadily heightening shudder of another release. There already was the craving for another. I didn't know someone could last that long or set off so much cum in one session but somehow that blonde animal managed to do just that.

My throat was already hoarse from the screaming as her fist hit my clit once again with merciless force that was almost sadistically arousing. I had to bite down hard on my bottom lip, drawing a small line of blood in an effort to not rip my vocal cords apart. After that I just thought I couldn't take any more but as I looked down to her, her face hovering over my thighs my body once again betrayed any belief as it was craving even more.

Minako didn't hesitate either and when her mouth went again to the task of literally drinking up my sex-inflicted wetness, I reflexively put my legs around her neck as my body shot off from the bed like a bowstring being tightened. Squeezing my thighs further together to a point where it must have hurt, the only thing I could do to hold on to sanity and gravity alike was to claw on the bed sheets.

Like a tape on auto reverse she sucked and licked my clit relentlessly as her hands sought out my ass again and pressing into the opening throwing away every idea of foreplay. Again and again the avalanche of releases tumbled over me and my vision slowly began to turn blinding white, spots of multicolored light occasionally adding to it.

Then, finally - although I could honestly not tell me if my body did not weep in regret -, Minako ended the ride on the burning fires of hell and the sweet currents of heaven alike. In one last effort to bring out the most pleasure possible, she managed to do everything at once. Her tongue thrusting against my pleasure spot, her teeth tightening without restraint around my clit, her fingers in my anus, plunged in deeply. Everything together sent such a explosion off in my body that I cried out her name to the heavens above in one long, drawn-out scream that defied description and any sound barrier. My world erupted into a shower of colors in my vision and quivers from my body. For one instant, one incredible, long and infinite moment I was sure to be completely lifted from the physical plane into something higher, something more spiritual, more pure.

I had no idea at all how much time passed. The next thing I managed to weakly register was Minako leaning over me and kissing me softly, stroking my damp hair with her fingers. She pulled me on top of her and wrapped her arms around my body which was to my amazement totally relaxed, in a state where nothing could have inflicted pain, so powerfully good it felt.

My head rested against her chest, just a little above her breasts. I was astonished that a small part of me was still able to feel regret, regret that she had done most of the work. However, I was far too weak to return the favor right now. In the morning maybe and that was the last thought before my eyes drifted shut and my breathing calmed in blissful happiness. Life was looking up again.

(Usagi)

The alley was silent as I lay unmoving still draped over the box, my blistering center still pressed against the metal and the clamps still straining my breasts somewhat, more like pressing against them harshly as I lay on the surface. I had no idea how long I was lying there, the cold, chilly air crawling up and down my body and in an ironic way "freezing" the "heat" of the soreness on my whole body.

It began as a slow ripple of soft fingers and even those were leaving burning trails like stigmatizing the skin. At the same time I knew though that the wounds, slashes and bite marks were slowly fading under the infinite power of the Ginsuishou.

Slowly I reached up to unhook the nipple clamps, brushing over one nipple in the process almost in wonder at how erect it still was. What I felt at that moment? Nothing. Completely, totally nothing. I had heard and read about rape victims and the experiences they were going through, the shame that followed through the rest of their lives. But there was nothing at all right now. My mind drew a complete blank and my movements were trance-like, almost hypnotic when I gathered my barely recognizable clothing and wrapped it as best as possible around my slowly freezing skin. I don't know what had befallen me as I reached for the nipple rings on the box and on a whim dropped them into the pocket of my jacket.

Returning to the main street, I resumed my original path back home. After all it was late and I had to be home sometime, right? My arms were wrapped tightly around my body and my head had fallen down to chest level, almost touching breastbone while my legs moved on their own, continuing on their path home.

Useless whore. Even the voice of the woman didn't seem to be able to jolt me out of my state. Useless. Pathetic. Selfish. A good ride… whore. Useless. The words kept up and only intensified with every step, every beat of my heart. But I didn't care. What was there to care for anyway? I was all this things, had become a sickening, twisted mirror of the Princess I once had been and the Queen all had hoped I would become. I couldn't even get my own life in order, pitying and losing myself in self-misery. It only served me right to be denied touching the happiness that had come into reachable distance at the beginning of this night. I didn't deserve any better, I deserved every inch of the beating and mauling I received today. Every bit of it.

Without a noise I slipped into the dark house and up the stairs, not disturbing any of the already sleeping occupants. Of course they wouldn't worry, I told them I would stay out late with a friend. Okaasan had been pleasantly surprised. Entering my room, I locked the door behind me and pulled my useless clothing off. Throwing it all into a pile in a corner, I decided to burn the evidence first thing in the morning. It wouldn't do any good for someone to accidentally discover it. I wouldn't deserve the pity anyway, they were better off not knowing.

And Minako and Hotaru? Well, they were happy now, right? I still had to make sure that this happiness would last. That was the plan and what was I to deviate from my responsibility again because of such a trivial matter? No, it did not matter what happened to me but I would make sure that they were happy before… Before what? I did not know and did not care either.

As I sat on the edge of the bed I looked down in only mild surprise that my hands were playing with the nipple clamps. The trance began to cloud any rational thought again as I lay back and pulled the covers up before in a clinical fashion snapping the tiny metal clamps over my exposed nipples with abrupt force. I whimpered slightly but proceeded to fasten the chains hanging loosely from the clamps over my clit immediately seeking out the most painful spot, pulling both rings together right over the swollen nub.. My knees were drawn up to my body to allow access for the short chains and every time I tried to stretch jolts of pleasure and pain would be racing through my body. Closing my eyes I "gently" rocked back and forth as I cried myself to sleep. Life was being dark again.

Yet what should I care? What else should I expect to deserve other than punishment? Punishment for my failure.

Chapter Four: Climax

(Minako)

"Matte, Hotaru-chan!" I called out as the raven-haired teenager was about to move up the stairs of the communication center. It had been a late night shift, it was supposed to a quiet night. A series of quiet nights until the Ascension. But no, there had to be some new monsters breaking that rule. Pluto had assured us that Galaxia would be the last battle for us until Crystal Tokyo came. As if you could ever trust this woman, honestly.

We had just sent off the emergency signal, calling all the Senshi to the Juuban High grounds and we were on the verge of leaving ourselves. However, there was that strange feeling that something was totally wrong, would go totally wrong this night. And I could for the laugh of it not shake it off. We didn't really have anything to fear, our powers had increased again over the last two years through steady training and maturing bodies. The Sailorsenshi of today could have faced all Animamates together and would have won, that I was sure about. And yet, there was this nagging sensation, you know? Something you can't quite put your finger on that slowly crawls up and down your spine. Like being followed by a haunting ghost in a dark, gloomy mansion.

I grabbed Hotaru's arm as she turned to look at me quizzically. "Nani? We have to hurry, Minako-chan. The others will need our help." Too true, the readings were quite unsettling themselves. Powerful, too powerful for a random occurrence. But that was not entirely that agitated me so much. "I just… I have a bad feeling about this. Promise you'll be careful and take care of yourself." She wanted to say something but her gaze changed from mildly annoyance to concern as she read my own written all over my face. After a long pause, she tentatively reached out to gently stroke my face. I shivered under her touch, we had become so close lately. Almost like…

"I promise," Hotaru said at last, her voice totally serious and her eyes mirroring her honesty. I swallowed hard, trying to come out with something more. My mind being totally blank in that department for a moment and pushed by that still present, tingly fear, I did not hesitate. In one swift moment I had pulled her to me into a crushing embrace as my lips sought out hers in one long, drawn-out but much too short kiss.

Then I finally let go and stepped away, moving towards the stairs myself, I grabbed her hand and said in a hushed whisper: "Good."

I blinked as sheltered beams of sunlight graced my face. A dream again. I didn't have this one in quiet some time. Not since… The confusion and morning haze began to leave me slowly and with a start I finally registered the small weigh draped over my body, almost completely covering me. A head resting in the valley between my breasts, comfortable and with regular breathing. Long, black hair spilled over my upper body… Hotaru… Again… Kuso…

Then the rest of last night's events - or was that already this morning - began to follow the rest of my mind to consciousness and my pained expression soften into a smile that could have lit a Christmas Tree, no make that the whole heaven. Really, I could not describe the relief that swept through me at that very moment. Perhaps it was the still present dream in the back of my awareness or just the incredible night that opened so much new possibilities. Maybe just everything put together. But as I run my hands through the tangled mess of still damp, yet soft hair, I could not help the sigh escaping my lips and lingering there for a few moments.

I had been so scared that day. Rightfully so. But it hadn't been her that had been killed. Perhaps my worry put her on guard even more than before. But the events still had brought a nasty scar that was just now beginning to heal. That night, after our friends' slaughterers, we had cried together, holding each other and I had sworn myself to never let either of them go. That I would be there for them in every way possible.

It had hurt when Hotaru had suddenly pulled back from the next day onward and more and more excluded herself not only from us but from interaction with the world in general. I had hoped the pre-battle kiss to be something special and I silently had hoped that she would turn to me in those dreadful times. But she hadn't and that had hurt.

Suddenly jolted from my reverie, I noticed that Hotaru was watching me. Her head just barely lifted up from its resting place, staring at me intently, as if trying to figure something truly important out. And then her face broke into a broad smile. "You're still there." One finger found her nose and tipped it playfully, my response though was serious. "I'll always have been there." The sudden mood change was… unexpected. Without warning Hotaru suddenly burst into a well of tears. Confused and a little agitated at this, I pulled her up to face level and gently rocked her while trying to still her tears with silent kisses. After a while the welling turned into tiny whimpers and I proceeded to wipe her face clean.

"Shh, it's okay. Everything's fine now, I won't go anywhere. I made this mistakes once but that was enough." Hotaru sniffled a few times. Looking up to me with those big, puffy eyes. "Ai… Aishiteru… Gomen, demo… Aishiteru…" Huh? I didn't quite follow that line of thought. Okay analyze that piece for piece. She loved me? Yay me! That was good, wonderful, brilliant. But why was she sorry? Sorry that she loved me?

My expression must have been truly comical because Hotaru suddenly burst out laughing which only further added to my bewilderment. What the heck was wrong with that girl? She continued laughing for quite some time before finally calming down and her expression turning serious again. Honestly, how much emotions could she go through in just that short time? Especially since she usually was so cold? Woah…

Hotaru slid from my body and laid next to me, her eyes studying me for awhile. I had turned my head to watch her as well, waiting for an explanation. She was not likely to give on in quite some time because her next question was a completely different one again. "Seriously, where do we go from here?" she asked, her hands lazily playing with some strands of golden hair. Enjoying the feeling for a moment, I did not respond right away. Where would we go from here? That was a good question. Of course we couldn't just throw the past in the wind and say: To hell with it. That would be nice, appreciated even, tempting. It would not work though.

"Why don't we take one step at a time and look where that leads us. You know that I love you, don't you?" She whimpered a little under my intense gaze and I feared she would go through another emotional roller coaster. Maybe I had just overloaded the poor girls' feelings with my declaration.

My… lover? Girlfriend? Whatever… Hotaru managed to pull herself together and just favored with that tiny, cute and shy smile. I hadn't seen this in years. And Kami had I missed it. When that shy smile turned a little impish and I… gulped. I noticed vaguely that her hand had abandoned my hair and had slipped under the covers, caressing in slow, still lazy patterns my right breast. A tiny moan escaped my throat. "I still have to repay you for the most wonderful night in my life." Pausing for effect and her expression almost pouting she asked: "Or do you have to go to work?"

I growled then she lightly pinched my nipple. "Oh, I think I should but I guess I will look for something more… adequate after Christmas. Just doesn't… ah… suit me anymore… You know, clean cuts… huhoh…" I visibly struggled for control and regular speech pattern here. The impish Raven didn't make it any better but I really had to get up. I had to make a few calls and such, so that I could squeeze some more money out of the deal. After all I wanted to quit, had wanted for a long time now, and not them throwing me out. No, that satisfaction I would not give them.

Under great effort I managed to sit up. Not wanting to sound offending or anything, I said gently: "I promise you can do this later but I really should have to get up and…" The squeal from suddenly being pulled back by an iron grip on my wrist and pressed down harshly on the mattress died from my lips as I stared up at a looming Hotaru. Her hair fell over her shoulders and covered her face like a veil. But that look I would not forget in quite some time. The passion, hunger and lust sparkling in that purple eyes were incredible but the disapproving and actually dominating gaze blazing with intensity made me shudder. "You will go nowhere," Hotaru… barked. A dangerous growl rumbling from deep in her throat. The only thing I could manage was simply comply.

(Usagi)

The walk back home this time was uneventful. I had been… shopping. Yes, shopping. What? That's not important. Why I have been shopping of all things after the events of yesterday? I don't know. It just seemed… right. Necessary maybe, I had no clue actually.

It was dark again. Not that kind of dark, I mean not in pitch black and late dark. Sun had just vanished behind the roofs a few minutes ago, still some twilight. God, how pathetic have you become, babbling in your head like this? Pathetic! Selfish! Useless! Whore! Shut up, just shut the fuck up! My hands clawed on my pants a little, a familiar urge once again taking control of my body, guiding my actions. Yes, truly pathetic you are Tskukino, truly pathetic.

When I had woken up this morning, immense pain had shot through my body as I had tried to uncurl from my position. Of course in my haze I had totally forgotten about the clamps and the little chain rings attached. The searing from the breast was bad but the exquisite torture from the instant orgasm thundering through my body set off by the tiny rings hooked onto my clit was… something different.

Exquisite torture? Geez, get a grip girl. Can you truly become even more pathetic. Wanting the pain, wanting to be punished? Cruel and hard just like these… these… creatures did? Did you really want that? Yes, I did. Really, I did. As sickening as it was, there was nobody else to give me that punishment I deserved, right? I didn't even deserve someone to give me the punishment I deserved? Wait, does that even make sense? Yeah, I guess it did. The pathetic thing was rather that I knew it was wrong, not the "right" way to deal, not the "best" way to… To what? Get better? How could I get better?

Pathetic really. I couldn't even decide if I wanted to be punished or not. It was my failure that had caused them to die, right? It was my carelessness that had driven me into their eager hands, right? It was me who had kept Minako all to herself for almost six years, just for the pathetic reason to feel… Feeling. I wasn't allowed that. I didn't deserve it. So why should I care, if it was right or not? I shouldn't because I didn't deserve no better.

Opening the front I was surprised to see the house dark, no lights on. Okaasan had said that she wanted to meet someone today and it could get later but not that late. Oh well. Perhaps it was better that way. She had kept shooting me this totally awkward glances at the breakfast table in a manner that I always thought the gig was up. But I had the clothes safely tucked away and by now burned, so it couldn't be them and the Ginsishou had undid the markings, so… Couldn't be. Right? It made me uncomfortable nonetheless. And with Okaasan away and Otousan still working I had the house all to myself to safely do… things. Shingo had long since begun living on his own, a good thing, I don't think I could have stood the brat now.

I had slipped off my shoes and was just starting up the stairs, bag with all the little… goodies, slung over my shoulder, when the silence of the house was disturbed by the buzzing sound of the… buzzer. Lame, I know. Moving over to the door, a little annoyed at the interruption, I must say I was quite a bit stunned seeing Tomoe Hotaru on my doorstep.

Happy! Smile! The little voice in the back of my consciousness screamed at me and I plastered a huge, big, hundred watt grin on my face. "Konbanwa, Hotaru-chan! What brings you here at that late hour?" Megami, I had to cringe at my own fake cheerful voice and as I saw Hotaru frown for a moment I began to believe that I had invoked exact the opposite reaction from what I had aimed for. "Um…" she started, tilted her head a little to the side, "can I come in?" Ack, did she have to do that? Great now she was making fun of me, not that I didn't deserve it.

"Sure," I chirped and cringed again when I turned around and headed for the kitchen. Politely as it was expected from me I asked her, if she wanted to have some tea. She would have liked too but didn't want to importune. No, really how did she figure that? If anything was a bother than it was me. She had said that herself, right? So why was she here?

I made the tea and sat down opposite of her. That gaze lingering on my back while I worked on making the tea was unsettling and now it was even more disturbing. It felt like she could see right through me. Right through my very soul. She took the steaming cup and sipped on it for awhile, eyes still peaking over the rim, boring right into me.

Then Hotaru set down the cup again, the suspicion lurking in her eyes never leaving those and making me look away in shame for some reason, but her features softened a bit. "Arigato." I blinked, then stared. Long. Long, endless moments of… staring. Thank you? Did she just say… Oh, the tea of course. Pleasantries. Yes that's it. "Domo arigato for helping me and Minako-chan. That was you, wasn't it?" If I had drank some of the tea myself, I would have choked on it now and then spilled it all over the kitchen floor. My eyes got really wide. You know, like big saucers, like in this anime, right?

My lip trembled, trying to voice something but unable to. "How?" I finally managed. Lame again, yes, but I think she understood. Hotaru smiled a little. "You were there. I sensed you, briefly." Kuso. "And why else should Minako have been there?" Kuso. Kuso! Kuso… "That was very kind of you Usagi-chan. I… have to apologize for what I said yesterday, it was uncalled for." Apologize? No! Not that, she could not… It wasn't… "You are not pathetic, Usagi, you know that, right?" NO! My mind screamed and that little voice rebelled, wrecked havoc, did a lot of nasty things. She could not do this. What she said was right, she couldn't take it back, I deserved to be punished! No, not deserve, that would make it sound like a good thing. I had to be punished. Yes, that's it. And she couldn't take it back, just couldn't…

I manage to smile - should have been rewarded with an Oscar for that - I managed to nod and smile and accept the apology while all my senses were screaming betrayal. I told her that I was happy for her and Minako and that alone counted. That was the truth. Then, with some greater effort and gentle prying, I got her to leave, telling her I was tired from last night and hadn't gotten much sleep, which was particular true too.

As soon as she was out of the door I slowly walked upstairs. Every step, every motion seemed like a small eternity and yet the time I actually noticed passing could hardly be five seconds. I was slipping into that trance again, rational thinking fleeing from my mind.

A few moments later I already found myself in my room and on the edge of my bed. My body was giving off tiny, little shudders that I could not dare hope to control while a familiar war silently raged on in the little bit of awareness left. It was a short but intense battle as reason battled craving. Deep down I knew that I didn't truly wanted this but the voice hammering like a constant headache in the back of my mind was loud and strong. Too strong. Control was something I lacked anyway and so reason fought a losing battle right from the beginning. Punishment was the only option, my pain the only thing that was allowed. Because I deserved no better. I knew I kept repeating this and it sounded dull but… It was that simple, wasn't it?

One hand reached out to retrieve the metal clamps from inside of a drawer while with the other started to rummage through my bag, seeking something particular. I started at the metal clamps between my fingers while I was searching and the rebelling voice of reason, that sounded an awfully lot like Serenity, was getting quieter and quieter with every moment until there was no reaction at all as I numbly pulled out the sought item.

It was another set, similar to the others. I smiled a little, my dazed mind only fixated on the sweet pain that this new… toy would bring. The chain or better string was longer and would reach down nicely, it could be stretched too. Nice black leather… Cute. I hooked one ring at the one from the clamps and let the new combination brush over my still-clad body, testing the length. Perfect.

I stood up and discarded my clothes in a robot-like pattern. All the while the little voice was getting louder and louder. Hotaru was wrong. She couldn't take it back, because it was true. And this truth belonged to me. I was pathetic, I was useless. I let my friends die. Sat there, watched and let them die. That could not be forgiven. Never ever. No. Surely I had imagined it. Hotaru hadn't been here altogether. And if… It didn't matter.

Snapping the clamps on my erect nipples I did not even flinch at the familiar pain lanced through my body. Toying for a while with the chain, I finally took the attached end and guided it down to my clit that had not gotten any attention after this morning. Which meant it was not prepared at all.

I hollered a little as the tiny ring slid into place just like the other was this morning. That one had tiny pins on the surface, like needless but plain instead of sharp. They burned nonetheless as they buried themselves in the extremely sensitive flesh. A delicious extra sensation added the other set of metal clamps holding my pussy lips wide open. I had fallen in love with that one the moment I saw it. Alongside with the other items, I was now ready for the punishment I des… NO! The punishment I had to endure. Not deserved. Never deserved. I deserved nothing. With that clarified I begun tucking on the chains.

(Minako)

Two steaming cups of pitch black coffee stood on the table, prepared for my guest. Still seated comfortably in one of the somewhat cheap arm chairs was the blue-haired woman who had come by earlier in the afternoon. It had taken me totally by surprise seeing Tsukino Ikuko on my doorstep and even more so when she wanted to talk to me in private, the confrontation had been a particular awkward one.

I just finished making some tea and getting some cookies for us. Hotaru had decided to come by for sometime before she went to see Usagi. Kami, had I been stupid. It was actually ridiculous. I, the great, self-proclaimed Goddess of Love, had been played like an amateur. Feh, from Usagi no less. When Hotaru had pointed out that little, obvious fact I felt like slapping myself silly but at the moment just burst out laughing.

Hotaru still hadn't explained her behavior this morning and while I was not one to press a personal issue, not anymore and not in her case, there was this nagging sensation in the back of my mind that whatever truth lay behind it, would have a fatal impact. And it scared me. Quite frankly it scared me a lot. If it had just been the overflow of emotions from this morning I would have understood and simply had filed it away as confusion and emotional trauma. But the reaction when I had wanted to resent her physically for perfect understandable reasons, that was what scared me somewhat. Of course, sure, it thrilled me to have Hotaru suddenly go all dominatrix on me. Really, it did. A small part had wanted to let control slip for awhile and let someone else be the dominating party. The look though… As if she was utterly crazed.

Afterwards the explanation still failed to come and she excused herself for a hot shower. I had lain there on the bed, exhausted and a little numb, not really knowing what to do. She had said, she loved me. But was I worthy of her complete trust yet, probably not.

I had let it slide when she finally came back, more relaxed and… normal. I didn't want to spoil the mood and the feeling that it was too early to approach that topic. However, when the day passed I grew more and more anxious. It was like I was threatened to lose her again, if I didn't bring her to trust me with that and may it be even so painful.

Putting the tea and plate of cookies down on the table I prepared to sit down next to Hotaru, preparing for some careful, gentle probing. I hadn't been granted the time as the doorbell rang that exact moment. I wanted to ignore it, I really wanted to. I would even defer this conversation, just to spent some quality time with my new girlfriend. It had been too long since I did something "normal" like that. But nooo… I had to groan and accept my fate with another regretful sigh. Opening the door I came face to face with Tsukino Ikuko.

Ah, just great! "Oh, hi… Tsukino-san!" What the heck? "Good afternoon, Minako-san." Uh oh, I don't think that look bore well for me. Okay, divert attention, be nice. "Would you like to come in?" She simply strode past me. Passing Hotaru a calculate look before sitting down. I was pretty good at reading emotions and the numerous one I saw Tsukino-san's face go through in under a few seconds ignited a spark of worry in me, something was wrong here. Horribly wrong.

Ikuko wasn't phased by my - granted pathetic - attempts on pleasant conversation. She just sat there, for a few moments, her eyes literally boring into me. I wanted to reach out for Hotaru's hand at some point but for some reason thought better of it. Somehow I had the feeling that would make things even worse. "Minako," the elderly woman finally said sternly and I gulped under her intense gaze. "Have you been sleeping with my daughter?"

Oh… shit! If one ever heard of horrible timing, this situation had just shot to the top of examples. Um, Hotaru, where are you going? I watched in shock as my girlfriend had stood up and was just excusing herself. I shot her a desperate, pleading look but she simply shook her head. *Something's up. I go over to Usagi and speak to her. Hold her up a little.* And with that she was out of the door.

Hold her up?!? I mean I would be glad when she finally left my apartment. How did she expect me to actually keep her here? Me, all alone with that woman who looked like she was ready to commit brutal murder with her bare hands? No, thank you. I could very well do without dealing with an enraged, overly-protective mother…

Wait a minute there! Tsukino Ikuko was nothing like that. When I prided myself with something more when reading emotions, it was my ability to judge people. Okay, that had slacked lately and I made some mistakes but despite that I was pretty sure that the elder Tsukino was not one to jump to easy conclusion or get worked up like that over her already old enough daughter sleeping with another woman. No, it just didn't fit the piercing stare I received when I slowly turned back to her. So what was wrong with that picture, I asked myself, as I mentally prepared to meet the woman's wrath and somehow find out what really was going on.

After surviving the initiate rant - though I could not answer how -, I was shocked to say the very least how Ikuko had found about me and Usagi. She had been suspecting it for year's now but never pried, knowing how depressed Usagi was these past years. This morning, however, she had more or less accidentally discovered something that had my blood freeze for a moment and I could only shake my head in denial at her question if I had anything to do with that.

You know how that is when you want to throw up right on the spot? Well, I really wanted to. The thing was actual trivial compared to what I had discovered in my area of work. But just envisioning Usagi in a position like this, sent a shudder down my spine. Usagi had never mentioned or shown anything in this direction. Would I have known… Well, I don't know what I would have done. However, learning this little fact right after the healing night of me and Hotaru… It was most… disturbing.

I had spent several minutes assuring the distraught mother that I was in no way responsible. I think my own shock must have leaked through because the older woman eased the pressure quickly.

Returning my thoughts back to the present, I had finished dialing the cell phone number of my girlfriend. "Minako?" Hotaru's voice came through the receiver and I could here the worry in her voice. "Good that you are calling. There is something wrong with Usagi, I…"

"I know," I interrupted with a sigh. "Listen. This might be a little disturbing… Okay, make that very disturbing but apparently Usagi is on a little pain trip…" Alright, poor choice of words but I really didn't know how to break this gently to Hotaru. Besides, she could take a lot. Her answer was barely a whisper to a degree where I could only guess the hushed "Nani?" Taking a deep breath I related the situation Ikuko had found her daughter in early this morning.

There was a very long silence on the other end. And I mean a very long silence. When another barely audible, croaked "Iie". I could almost HEAR Hotaru shaking her head. Then, more steady this time, she addressed me once more before immediately cutting the line. "Keep Tsukino-san there. Under no circumstances let her come back."

I stared at my cell phone for a long moment after realizing that the line was dead. Slowly putting it back in my pocket, I took the two cups of coffee that had cooled down a little by now and returned to the living room, the sinking feeling from this morning returning to me once again. Wordlessly I put the coffee down on the table and fell in the arm chair next to her.

Ikuko spared me a worried glance. "What is it, Minako-chan?" I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the backrest for a moment before answering in a tired voice. "I would like to know that myself."

(Hotaru)

I was back in the house - Usagi hadn't locked the door - and up the stairs in record time, taking two to three steps at once. Minako's phone call had confirmed a nagging suspicion I had during the whole, awkward talk with Usagi. She hadn't done much talking to be precise but her body language should have clued me in immediately. I had ignored the red warning lamps though and let her usher me out of the house. I had been worried, yes, but since I hadn't been able to put my finger on it, I didn't think I would have come back and checked, if Minako hadn't called. The revelation of just what was up with our Princess struck me like a lightning bolt and suddenly it all became so clear. Yet, I desperately hoped that I was wrong, that I was misinterpreting the information.

I was almost at the top, when I heard a muffled scream from the dimly-lit room that was Usagi's. The door was slightly ajar and therefore the sound barrier field that was visible to my trained eyes rendered ineffective. Although every instinct in me screamed for me to hurry, I slowed down and gently nudged open the door.

I don't think I ever forget that moment. Frozen solid, branded deep next to the many other memories that held a similar status. But… that… I had expected, feared it. Seeing it confirmed was worse than knowing. It always was, wasn't it?

I stood frozen in the doorframe for several minutes, my internal voice urging me forward but my body denying the command. Just like Ikuko had relented to Minako. A little more extreme even. Hunched on the back, hair falling freely down her body I was still very much able to see the construction of clamps on breasts and pelvis, chained together in the middle just long enough to allow a simple lying position without inflicting pain.

"Usagi…" I finally whispered and the reaction was instant. Her head suddenly snapped up and around in such a manner that I could have sworn it should have broken. Her eyes were wide but there was still the expected haze, the dullness that I knew very well would be there. She didn't cease the movements of her hands. One on the upper chain constantly pulling and the other between her legs tugging on the leather strip occasionally to add to the situation. She didn't cry though or scream or anything. Just sat there, with shudders and spasms rocking her body.

"Usagi…" I made another step, now almost at her side. The blonde followed me with her eyes not really fixed on anything. Her posture was… humbled, humbled and ashamed. Ashamed that I caught her and that is why she didn't allow herself the pain to be shown, a part of my mind analyzed clinical, drawing from experience.

"See?" she said in a squeaky voice. "You were right after all. I am pathetic. Useless and pathetic. That's why I need to be punished…" Reaching out with one trembling hand, I touched her arm briefly… Times like this were the reason why I cursed my most recent, latest gift. I wasn't really a seer or anything, or as sensitive as Rei had been, but sometimes I still good flashes - visions - from people or objects when touching them.

When I brushed over Usagi's bare skin something shot forward with unbidden force and I tried with every ounce of power still left to defend myself but I couldn't. The pictures rushed before my mind's eye like a fast-moving train. And it felt just like being in the path of one too. I saw them, in the dark alley, mauling, gripping and torturing the innocent picture of a human soul that was my Princess. Them. I recognized them immediately or maybe it was Usagi's recognition that I felt, whatever. But no matter what there was suddenly a huge, neon sign in scarlet red letters being waved in front of me that read one word.

FAILURE

I recoiled with a sharp cry and jumped back, shaking, trembling and so many more things. My mind was racing and I was desperately trying to tame the maelstrom that raced through my very being. The best synonym I could come up with was a raging fire consuming a forest while a swirling tornado scourged the flames even higher. I could feel something crack inside of me. Something I had kept hidden, sheltered and controlled for so long. This morning I had allowed myself after a long time for the switch to be flipped from its neutral position of control into something more primal. And now I felt it again.

But this time I didn't have any kind of control. The ringing in my ears from the hissing flames and the roaring tornado was only getting louder and louder as the safely tucked-away memory broke to the surface. The one, only memory, the one, only truth that I was reluctant to share with anyone, including Minako, and that dominated my life subconsciously for so long.

I could see it all again. The sickening visage of the monster years ago. After the battle, somehow it had survived, then waited for me to return home, alone. I could feel it all again in a dull reverie that threatened to rip me apart right on the spot. That brutal tentacles - just like straight out of a cheap hentai movie - that had forced themselves onto me. Around my breasts, on my nipples, in my mouth, up my ass and in my pussy altogether, at once, without foreplay, without restraint.

The images began to mingle as the vision from Usagi once again replayed itself and I relived some of the absolutely most horrible moments of my life. I could literally feel that whip on Usagi's center while mine was brutally ripped apart with a sharp, blade-like tentacle ending rammed right through. If Saturn hadn't detached her spirit from my body before I passed out and put me back together right afterwards I would have not survived it. It took me a month to regain steady walking again…

I ran, my body finally reacted to the trauma and decided to turn tail and run, run as far away as possible. Somewhere where it, where I hadn't have to deal with that, where control could be regained.

"NO!" I visibly jerked back from the forceful pull on my wrist and before I knew I was spun around and amazingly found myself face to face with a sitting - despite the clamps - Usagi drawing me into a harsh kiss. Another shudder run down my spine and I felt the switch somewhere deep in my mind moving, ignoring the tight control I had pulled on it for years. Yesterday night and this morning I had flipped it myself but somewhat controlled and well aware of what I was doing. Now, I wasn't so sure that I could.

Deciding that taking matters into my own hands was better than letting the control slip, I used just a little more force than necessary to push Usagi away which immediately sent her on her back again, the chained clamps surely inflecting another jolt of pain but Usagi only whimpered and looked up at me. Her eyes did not mirror dominance or hunger but… humility and submission. An abashed look that was definitely sheepish and pleading. Like a small child that had been caught stealing a cookie…

If only it would be that easy. I knew what she was going through, every bit of it. And I also knew that there was only one person in this world… yes, in existence probably, that understood her. Me. And damn it I could not deny that I felt responsible, could not run away from it, not again, not anymore. I desperately hoped that Minako would understand. I had been afraid it would come to this but… No! It was better that way. If both of them would hate me later, I would at least have the knowledge that I did everything I could. They probably both would hate me afterwards. I could not help that though. Usagi would not go through the same trauma I had been. I hadn't had anyone this time around but Usagi did now. Me.

When her plea finally left her mouth, I had already flicked that switch and let myself completely go. Nothing else would help. "Onegai, Hotaru, I didn't mean to…" My hand struck her hard over her already lightly swollen clit and elicited a shrill cry of pain from Usagi. I struck again, this time with a clear bark of order. "Silence!" Usagi only whimpered and kept her eyes downcast but didn't make a sound.

I noticed the bag next to her and set to work.

(Usagi)

No, no, I said I was sorry. I had no right to make you remember… remember this horrible, ugly, WRONG… thing… No, no please! Ah! That hurt. Pain! Pain is good. I deserve pain. No, no, not deserve, I had to get this sorted out. I didn't deserve anything. You can do everything you want to me. I am nothing. I need to be punished. I made you remember. Oh sweet pain. That one hit perfectly. Good thing mother wasn't home yet or… Ah! Again! Silence? Huh? Okay, I'll be quiet. Have I been bad again? Yes, I am not allowed to scream. Good girls didn't scream but I am a bad girl… aren't I?

She looked at me, leering, smacked her lips with her tongue for a moment. There was that glint in her eyes, was she? What about Minako? No, I can't. I can't destroy that too, not that too. I made it, I helped, I didn't want to… Where was she going? No, don't leave me… or… Yes! Yes, leave me, leave me all alone and go back to her. It's better that way. She'll be alright, I didn't need to be alright. How could I ever have thought what happened to me was bad? It was nothing. Nothing compared to her pain. I envied her for her strength, her control. Neither of us suspected. Another reason why I'm a pathetic, useless whore.

Huh? She was still there. The door was closed I noticed. How? Don't ask me. I just knew. She was stalking slowly towards me. I lay there, unmoving, not daring to speak or make a sound. Her movements were confident, like a big and strong predator and the way she looked at me. Oh yes, that's right! I am nothing! NOTHING! In her eyes I didn't have any rights, belong to… her? Yeah, I suppose, I do. To them actually. They could ask me to kill myself right now and I would do it. That gaze is so intense, so powerful.

She… Mistress was sitting down on the edge of the bed, totally ignoring me, grabbed my bag though. With all the little goodies. Oh! Will she use them? Will she punish me with them? I didn't deserve it but I wanted her too. I wanted her to because I didn't deserve it… otherwise. Mistress had something pulled out. Oh that, yes that! Please, Mistress! I staid silent though, I knew I was not allowed to speak and far from it… request. No, bad girl.

Mistress put the pretty whip aside. No! But… she didn't put it away, so maybe later? Her hand vanished into the bag again and my eyes sparkled a little, just a little. I think she noticed but didn't say anything. The leather straps! With four of them in her hands she put the bag aside - but in reachable distance - and turned around. A chill ran down my spine as she leveled this gaze at me again and I looked down… or as much as you can look down when you were already lying. The next thing I knew my wrists were wrapped in the straps and those bound to the bedpost. Then the same with my ankles. My body screamed when Mistress pulled my legs wider apart than necessary but I ignored the urge to snap them back together, not making a sound. Really, I did, I tried. But I could not prevent the sob when the clamps on my inner lips were pulled apart further which set off a small chain reaction. Just as I wanted it… but I couldn't have done that by myself. Wouldn't have…

I muffled another shrilling screech when Mistress tucked on the chain at my unwanted response and sent another fizzling of small flames through my body. Then, before the sensation had totally finished she jammed to fingers in my center and twists the ring around my pleasure spot, scratching a fingernail over it. I couldn't help it, I practically shot from the bed… Except the bindings were holding me down and since every movement caused the combination of rings to move it didn't help.

Mistress left me hanging there for awhile. Didn't say, didn't do anything. Just watched as my body squirmed and shuddered from my self-inflicted torment. She liked it! The pain was so intense, just from a little stimulating, wow! I could have never done that alone! Maybe that's why she was here and doing… this. Maybe, I even could… could… No, I couldn't be free afterwards. I never would be. I needed punishment, much more punishment. To pay for all the things I had done… or not done. Depends on the way you look at it.

I… OH GOD! Another piercing scream ripped out of my throat when the whip struck with an audile crack. The small steel lining on the head - actually like a thin cloth wrapped around the leather - striking right down between my wide open legs with a force I was surprised it didn't break through the skin. I looked up through heavy eyelids, brows drawn together as colorful spots began to dance in front of my eyes.

Mistress was leaning forward a little, her hands reaching out to touch my breasts. Oh, she was wearing the black leather gloves with the tiny… spikes on the fingertips and… Ah! I pressed my eyes tightly shut as the glove struck. It was a light slap actually but the spikes - or tiny nails maybe - pierced through the sensitive skin. Not enough to really break but enough to leave marks. She racked them over my breasts for awhile and I can just whimper and cry out occasionally, which of course only makes her dig harder. Then taking my nipples - clamps still firmly attached - between her gloved, spiked fingers, she pulled forcefully, making me holler at the lance of electricity driven right through my body… Pain, so much… Hurt, can't control anymore. I screamed louder as Mistress' increases her sweet torture of my breasts. I didn't believe I could take it any longer but I did, somehow I managed to quiet down again.

CRACK! I think I lost it there for a moment when the whip came down hard, VERY hard, on my left breast, striking with the steel right on the exposed and already cruelly twisted nipple. The sting was unlike anything I've EVER felt. Even "they" had not managed such a reaction. For a moment - or was it a small eternity? - the burning sensation simply became too much and ripped my consciousness right from my body. Is your consciousness in your body anyway? Or is it in your soul?

Just when I had returned, with a great effort, Mistress' whip crashed down again, the other breast this time. Even harder… If that was possible. The backlash washed away almost all remaining parts of my awareness and as Mistress' delivered about a dozen strikes each to my swollen breasts I was blissfully rooted right into this other realm. A realm where nothing else existed but the pain. The sweet pain, the needed pain. It embraced me, held me tight and hurt… I felt everything though. While my awareness was chained here, I felt every stríke, every ministration on my body and the white world of pain reflected it back to me a hundredfold. So much pain. So much sweet, stinging, stabbing, blistering… DESERVED pain! Yes, I deserved it, every bit of it, needed… craved it! I LOVED the pain!

Was I insane? Huh me? Yes, I guess, I was. Numb with grief… pain, my mind only filled with that one word, that one wonderful sensation. Filling me, marking my existence, my only mean for existence, rushing through my veins like a drug. No that was better than any drug that was… that was…

TOO MUCH! It had been just one strike, a switch I had anticipated, wanted, craved… The steel lining hit home again, Mistress was good with it, but somehow, I couldn't hold it any longer. Slowly the pain became too much as Mistress merciless released strike after strike on my weeping pussy, cruelly, somehow leaving me on the verge of release but never bringing me there. Which made me wanting more of it, anything to set me off and release the by now tight ball of… energy? Strange.

It was too much. I couldn't take in any longer. I couldn't! My limits were reached. I couldn't endure the pain any longer. I tried to squash it, tell myself that I needed this, that Mistress was well within her right, that I had no right to object… But this time, this time the demanding voice was slowly losing to the other… different voice. Not the one that was telling me to stop this madness and deal with it properly. No, that was still meek and most of the time silent. It wouldn't have won, even if I wanted it to. There was something else. A rumbling sensation like approaching thunder that went along with the small thunderclaps that each blow… ignited…

And I begged. I cried in earnest, wept. "Stop… onegai…" I repeated it aloud, only a whisper, more I didn't manage, and chanted it inside my pain-crazed mind. Please… stop… can't take… more… Mistress never heard me or ignored me or… whatever… but… As she altered again from strikes to my breasts - had she been where again? - to my boiling clit that by now felt like a lava pit inside my body, the rumbling got closer… closer… closer to the surface. I didn't think I could hold it any longer…

(Hotaru)

She was a writhing bundle of nerves beyond my ministrations and I felt myself slip deeper and deeper into the darker side of my character that had been born this particular day. Yes, that was right. It had been born. Some would suspect that leaning would originate from Saturn but that was unfair and cruel towards my alter ego. Saturn was the least to be blamed. She had held me stable, helped me to regain control, saved my life. And believe me when I said, the following years when I was all alone in my room I had often asked myself: Why? Why didn't she just let me die? I would have been brought in a new reborn cycle, right? Wouldn't that have been easier? Perhaps it did have something to do with the fact that I had been violated - by evil too. Perhaps she just wanted to save me. I still really hadn't found an answer.

No, Saturn definitely was not to blame for the hideous display of violence I was able to bring down on my own, cherished Princess. But I suppose, that maybe… most likely it was a Senshi thingy after all. I knew how it was. I remembered as if it had been yesterday… or just a few hours ago. Brought back by the fresh wound that seeing Usagi being raped had torn up again, I knew perfectly how it had been. Still was. Would never go away. No.

The struggle of the mind. Reason against shame. I think that was a basic thing with rape victims. Not that I could relate in that area from previous experience but I had watched shows and read magazines, you know. Only that, with a Senshi, it expressed itself in an extreme reaction. Reason was thrown into the wind right away and would only become warped into a tight lever of control. Shame was the most basic emotion uttered in the general tendency for punishment. Both ways. First would come the craving for own pain, for repeatedly lowering your undeserved life. Then came the hunger. Suddenly, on some point you snapped. From there it became a roller coaster between submissive and dominant.

It had been this way with me and from what I was witnessing the exact same thing was happening to Usagi now. That's why I was here. That's why I was doing this and not only risking losing her trust forever but smashing that little spark of love between Minako and myself. If she hated me afterwards, I couldn't help it but I had to do this. Because no one else could.

I watched in amusement as the little "slave" - I couldn't help but slip in this mindset - squirmed and wriggled underneath me when I continued to lavish fast strikes upon her angry red pussy and visible clit. Each one hit a new spot, be it only an inch further to the right. Always a new one. Her whimpers and finally uncontrollable screams were music in my ears… Damn it, Hotaru, stay focused! Control!

The plan was rather simple. It had sprung to my mind the minute I began to realize that I wouldn't be able to resist the sweet coaxing of my inner voice that craved to deal out the pain for once, not be submissive or restrained all the while. It wanted to come out and… "play". It always did. When you opened yourself up like that, let the control slip for only one experience of either happiness or sadness, it would break through. Even if I was successful and managed to spare Usagi a lot of the emotional trauma I had gone through, it would always be there. Lurking, waiting and suddenly rushing forward.

That voice, that part of myself had been thrilled, delighted even by Usagi's little collection. It was easy to sort out her fixation on anything leather or metal. I had never had anything to letch onto as an initiator but I could understand the choice immediately. And so I knew exactly what she needed. As grotesque as it was the rather detailed vision had been helpful.

I altered to her breasts once again which looked by now as if something had clawed at them, trying to rip the delicious flesh right off. There were swellings, marks and a mixture of red and blue blurbs all over them. I did not decrease the intensity of each strike though. Her eyes were pressed shut and I could feel that she was close. Switching to the other breast again, I drew back a little bit extra hard and was rewarded with a loud sob and angry, hot tears glistering in her eyes the soft whispers became screeched pleas for mercy. Perfect. I had her almost there. Almost.

"Yes squeak, slave! It will bring you nothing!" I barked, deciding to add a little verbal assault to the ordeal, while catching Usagi under her chin with the tip of the whip when I drew it back. Another slap resounded through the room - gladly not through the sound barrier - as I slammed it down again, this time across both breasts in one strike. "You are nothing! Do you hear me? Pathetic, begging like a small child! I thought you wanted that!" Slowly drawing the whip back over both breasts, making sure to brush over each scarlet nipple, I mentally prepared myself for the finishing touch. I could literally feel it bubbling right under the surface, ready to explode upwards but still lacking the proper initiator.

I carefully bent back for another dozen strikes. Letting the last bit of control slip from my movements, I simply stayed focused on the goal. When the previous hits had been brutal, the next ones were enough to draw the first thin line of internal blood to mix with the dripping white salvia.

I had maneuvered completely between her spread legs now to get the best leverage and to spread them even further apart with my own knees. My eyes fixed on hers, they were glazed over which told me clearly that Usagi's consciousness had detached itself somewhat. That was good. Because only there I could reach it in the right manner.

Her screams turned into one long screech of begging while the rest of the last dozen strokes followed the first one. Each increasing in power and speed just a little. All aimed for one spot this time. All in the same place. Right on her by now horribly distorted pleasure/pain center. A small part of me wondered briefly, if I wasn't going a bit overboard here and permanently damaging her beyond even what the Ginsishou could heal but…

No! It had taken me weeks, MONTHS to get out of this state. I never had someone to help me through. I couldn't let anyone help because they would not have understood, could not have helped probably. But I could. Now I could. "You are a horrible wimp, you know that? You whiny, spoiled brat!" I bellowed over her shrill voice as the last stroke hit home. I doubt she could hear me. Listen maybe, but not hear, not really understand, grasp my words. Now, how to do that? How to properly put the finish on this and flip that switch inside her mind? This was the essential part, the really important part. Everything else would have been done in vain, if I didn't come up with exactly the right method…

For one terrible, long moment I had frozen up as my mind drew a blank and Usagi's scream still echoed in my ears despite the short cease in strikes. Then the idea literally jumped me. Really. It is said that words would oven cause more pain than actions. Let's prove that theory, shall we?

Reacting on instinct alone, I leaned in closer to her left ear while my right hand turned the whip around, blank hilt pointed forward. In a deathly quiet, yet still husky whisper, I breathed in her ear, right before ramming the hilt into her opening, drilling it deep into her flesh, an inch away from breaking her internal walls: "You know, even your precious little daughter didn't whine that much when I took her virginity in both her tiny holes with fucking, little sticks. Was quite adorable actually how she squirmed, I forgot to snap a picture."

Kami. Overdone much? But it did the trick. It really did. I was quite sure I had went a little overboard there with that last comment but quite frankly it was supposed to be. The reaction was remarkably instant. Just finally granted that craved release in one of the most violent ways possible, still riding that volcanic eruption that surely was the closest it came to describing that orgasmic pain explosion, who would have thought that the words even got through to her?

I had expected it. Worked towards it after all for the whole time. However, I still couldn't prevent the gasp when Usagi - still on the subsiding waves of her release - had ripped her hands and knees free from the bindings and turned me around with a combination of force, speed and rough pressure that were simply supernatural. After that ordeal, that endurance of punishment that would have sent the strongest and bravest soldier on Earth into unconsciousness a long time ago, she was now looming over me with an actually visible aura of hot white fire all around her, the Ginsishou magic responding to its owner's call in a completely different manner.

She looked like an angel. The very Angel of Vengeance. I trembled under that gaze, knowing very well what was to come, feeling the actual heat as she towered over me, her palms pressing into the flesh of my breasts under the layer of leather with unbidden force. I did not say anything, did not talk, did not whimper. Just stared up at her, knowing, also hoping for a tiny bit that she knew that my words had been a lie. A horrible, twisted lie that invoked a maximum of hate. But somehow in the back of her mind she knew that it had been a lie.

I followed her hand as she reached down to remove the whip that was still stuck between her lower lips, not even flinching once, and in the process removed the clamps and ring from there and from her breasts too. For a moment she stared at the whip, then back at me and finally threw it aside. Her hand reached for the bag and drew a different one. One that had the steel-lining all over the leather and the end was spiked, just like the gloves. I gulped, a little nervously. Just a little.

Quickly catching myself I met her intense, challenging gaze with one of my own. I would let her play dominant for a little while but I would not cave. I would meet her with an equal force. And thus the battle of wills had begun…

A/N: Are you still there? Disturbed now already? Yes? Good. I really don't blame you, if you are turning around and running screaming through the house. I really wouldn't blame you.

Chapter Five: Aftermath

(Minako)

"It's locked."

I stood behind Tsukino Ikuko in front of her daughter's door… which was locked. A bright statement. Of course it would be. What else? Last night had drawn on as I had involved her in pleasant conversation, I tried to at least. Most of the time she was just asking questions. First about me and Usagi and then about Hotaru. Where would that leave her daughter? That had been a cheap shot. Got me with that one and I honestly didn't know. I still couldn't have answered it. I said so. She wasn't happy, I can understand though.

The "talk" had gone long into the evening… night even and I had offered that Tsukino-san stayed with me. You never knew what was out there in the night, right? No, you couldn't. She accepted, reluctantly, but she did. I finally told her that Hotaru was going to look for her daughter anyway. The poor woman still didn't get it together from where she knew my… girlfriend. Was she still that? Would she still be when I opened this door. When Chibiusa had been back to the future there was still a lingering awareness that she existed. Now… Nothing at all.

"Move aside." Ikuko looked at me funny for a moment but did as I told her. "And get downstairs." That of course got her a little angry. "Demo…" My eyes flashed a little for effect. "Look. Whatever Usagi is going through that requires such drastic measures, she needs to get it settled and deal with it properly. I don't want to be offending but her mother kneeling beside her and cuddling her like an infant would not help." She flinched a little. Okay, I was stressed. Stressed, worried, anticipation of what I wound find there lurking just beyond the surface.

And it was a lie. A horrible, pathetic lie. Just like those that we had to give Mizuno-san and Hino-san after their daughter's deaths in "battle". That was one of the worst moments of my life, right behind the actual experience. I still have no idea how we convinced them that we were merely in the close vicinity and had been caught in the crossfire. Yeah, there was much crossfire, just not from us. Only Usagi, Hotaru and I got away in time, we didn't know what became of the others' bodies - which we burned later of course. They had bought it though, as much as Ikuko was buying my lie now and headed downstairs without a further word.

The truth was that I could very well have told her a lot of things that would have made her insist on staying. First Hotaru WAS in there too. Never mind the fact that I tried to contact her last night at her apartment. I could sense her there. I had sensed her when we reached the house. And I could sense a lot of other things too. One "thing" being the distinct smell of sex and then there was something "different" that I could not put my finger on. But it was disturbing. Sometimes I hated my "gifts".

Seeing that staring at the doorknob wouldn't bring me nothing, I reached out with my still rather undeveloped control over metal and unhooked the crossbar on the other side. Nudging the door open carefully, so not to disturb anyone, I slipped through and… wanted to close it but suddenly found myself unable to move.

I know it's a horrible cliché. Still… Could you say from yourself that you were ever drenched by ice water while being knocked in the stomach. Without the water actually being there? You ask me how that is possible? Don't ask me. I have no fucking idea. I just was.

The smell was the first thing that hit me, hard. I mean I've smelled a lot of things sex-wise, being in a shady business and all but that… Ugh, gross. But the smell whizzed just past me actually because my eyes were locked frozen on the two figures on the bed. Hotaru was draped in an awkward angle over Usagi's form, her left knee still grinding somewhat in Usagi's opening. Usagi had her head thrown back and buried deep into the covers while it looked like Hotaru was still nuzzling her breast in her sleep.

You know, I knew what Senshi mating looks like. Hell, did that a night before this one. But that… that… that That had nothing to do with it. The smell was all wrong already and I could see parts of their bodies still red and lightly swollen. From her exposed posture I could very well see the angry marks on my… girlfriend's center. Even Ginsishou power and Saturn healing couldn't really take care of these that quickly. And that said an awfully lot!

Numbly I closed the door and walked although a lot of my instincts cried out to do the exact opposite. My feet made contact with something and as in slow motion I picked the item up and stared, stared hard at the whip in my hand. There was a small patch of salvia mixed with already crusted blood… Yikes. I dropped the thing to the ground. My suspicion somewhat confirmed as I moved through the room, taking in the various discarded items, I could safely tell that this really didn't look like mating… More like a war zone.

I sat down heavily on the chair that was usually meant for clothes… Usagi's were folded neatly in a corner I noted, while Hotaru's torn remains were scattered around the near bed area. I just sat there, doing nothing, my eyes fixed on the pair and well… nothing. Okay, not quite like that. There were a hell lot of emotions flying around in my head, spiraling, performing loops and… Let's not go there. Let's please not go there.

At first it was a sort of hollow feeling. As I said cold water. Nothing really. No feeling. Then I wanted to throw up, that was the cheap blow, I really wanted to throw up right there on the spot. I had seen much in my "career" but the moment I stepped in here, knew that nothing ever compared to this. After that there was the whirlwind of emotions expected to follow. Confusion, the need to know, to know what exactly happened and such triviality. You would expect that I would grab my "girlfriend", drag her out of the house and beat her up some more in frustration and hate since she seemed to enjoy that so much. But I didn't.

There wasn't hate. Frustration, yes. Frustration that I didn't know what the hell was going on here. Hurt trust, yes, that too. But hate? No, no. I wouldn't jump to conclusions now. I WOULD NOT! The situation was spinning out of control quickly and events were happening so fast that you had to somehow keep a level head. The last time I jumped to conclusion it had almost cost me too high of a price to pay. I would not now. I just wanted to know what happened.

"Ouch, that'll hurt a while." I looked up startled and could not prevent the slight gasp. Hotaru was half-sitting a little hunched over and just now prying the very construction that had Usagi's mother and me so disturbed from her sensitive body parts. She didn't wince in the process or anything, just rubbed her lower lips for a while.

At my uttered sound she tilted her head. "Oh. Ohayoo, Minako." O..kay. I preferred the reaction from last morning much better, thank you. I didn't speak as she casually moved from the bed and borrowed some clothes from Usagi's dresser. Good thing they were about the same height. Her steps were somewhat wobbly, unsteady. But she managed. Sitting back on the bed, carefully pulling the covers over Usagi's sleeping form she looked up to meet my eyes for a moment, then looked down.

"I guess I owe you an explanation." I laughed… Okay, I ALMOST laughed. It was hard on the border though. Instead I simply settled for one of the most piercing glares that I could master at the moment. "No shit," I remarked. Hotaru didn't even see my stare, hadn't looked up again, but she most likely felt it. Now she did, now she looked at me strangely, with something akin to cool indifference. I really wished, she wouldn't have done it. Would have remained with her eyes fixed on the floor and the words never leaving her mouth.

"Usagi was raped while we - you and I - were mating." Ice water again. A LOT colder this time. I could not move, could not speak, could not see, could not BREATHE. Damn it, it felt like I was drowning in a great, big void and had no idea I was and it just didn't matter…

"And I had been too. Six years ago, just before graduation. You know what I mean." It was a good thing I was already sitting. What was the term I picked up somewhere? TMFI, I think. Too. Much. Fucking. Information. Add an at once. I cannot tell you that my mind seriously considered fainting there for awhile. And I can also not tell you why I didn't.

A LONG time passed. I didn't think a place could be that silent. You could have heard the dust particles lifting and lowering themselves, if not for the thunderous sound of our breathing. It took awhile for my brain to actually process the information. Usagi. Raped. Hotaru. Raped… by a… a… I DID NOT want to end that thought. She had made it too clear.

After that everything was pure instinct I think. Worrying could come later, explaining could come later. It was a primal cry from the depths of my soul. On shaking legs I slid out of the chair and crouched down in front of Hotaru who had her head hung low again. Tilting her chin upwards with one finger, I looked her dead in the eye, asked her the only question that mattered right now, the only thing that I didn't understand. Didn't want to understand if I was honest but NEEDED to understand. "Why?" I gestured at the mess around us and finally at Usagi. Her purple eyes answered in equal seriousness. "So that she could heal."

After a small hesitation my arms found the strength to come around her form and drawing her in close, heads resting on each others shoulder. Hotaru stiffened for a moment but then simply surrendered and slumped in a fit of small whimpers and sobs. I was crying too I think.

(Usagi)

I have no idea what exactly woke me up. Just that there was this… urge that I had to or otherwise something would go horribly wrong. The urge wasn't gentle either. Emotions, dark and sad, crashing into me from… somewhere. I heard sobbing, muffled sounds. Pain. So much emotional pain.

With a start I sat up, eyes shooting wide open… which I am not so proud to say was probably one of the dumbest instinct reactions ever. A hot, searing sensation shot through my head and I fell back on the covers with a low moan as colors clouded my visions for several long moments. I could feel my whole body ache - worse than any post-battle mornings in the past. Especially my most sensitive and private parts were still rather sore from… whatever… I couldn't really remember right now.

"Did anyone get the number of the truck that hit me?" My head was the worst really. I could not describe what was going on there, not even begin to. I just wanted to turn over and sleep some more like… days! My consciousness was barely awake and I was only faintly aware of some sounds around me… Although they had stopped at my rhetorical question. There was someone there, I could tell, I… remembered. But not really who.

"Don't worry, the headache will go away soon. Your mind is trying to adjust." That voice. Hotaru. Last night. Oh… GOD! What had I done? What had I done? How could I? Minako and… What were they going to think now? I broke them up again, a day after I had… Megami-sama, that was not… is not… I only… wanted… Dumb, pathetic…

It was not a physical slap, more like a blow that literally shocked me awake and my screaming mind in a - as dumb as it sound - neutral position. Blank. For a moment there was nothing, then a slow dull feeling returned and I could not at all figure out what it meant, just that it was there.

The memories came rushing back now, not really like a tidal wave, overwhelming and all. No it came in small pieces and they finally began to fit together, presenting me the image what exactly it was that happened last night that I had not been able to figure out in the heat of… passion.

From the day of the slaughter of my friends onwards I had slowly buried myself in this deep, cold pit of misery and self-blame, had slowly blockaded any escape with heavy rocks and after that with even more of those. The only exit remained was blocked by thick steel bars that would not bend to anything. Hotaru's… actions last night had rattled on the doors loud and hard, repeatedly and not stopping at the resistance. When her sick taunt somehow made it through my pain-clouded mind I broke free. The steel was not able to withstand the fierce rage and melted away at the very touch. In the back of my mind I knew that Hotaru would have never did what she said to her childhood friend but… I was simply too outraged. There had been an audible snap - should have been heard on the other side of reality - when something in my mind broke and just… switched. All the craving for pain, the misery, pity and blame I had weighed down on my mind, were thrown aside and turned into the total opposite.

Dominance. I had wanted to pay back everybody who had ever hurt me with a vengeance and at the moment Hotaru had been foremost in my mind. I don't think I'll ever forget what I had done to her. It was like a wild animal out for the hunt for blood and I had wanted, NEEDED to pay her back all the pain threefold. I had no idea if I succeeded but Hotaru had endured it all.

To a certain level that is. Riding high on the waves of dominance, the thrilling pleasure of being in total control for once, Hotaru had pulled me back down to reality, meeting me with an equal passion and total lack of restraint and remorse. What followed was most likely the harshest form of "lovemaking" mankind had EVER experienced.

"How do you feel?" Hotaru's voice, soft and concerned this time, broke through the stream of memories again. How did I feel? I didn't really knew. Couldn't phrase it into appropriate words, so I simply tried. "I… Hollow, I guess. It's empty and I feel like I'm lost but at the same time not. There is hurt too. Pain… Not physical… That too but more like… It hurts." I whimpered a bit, as unbidden images sprung to my mind, hands mauling me among other things. Their faces, so clear. Cold, taunting, indifferent, not caring… "It hurts," I repeated in a hushed voice, a croaked sob rising up to add to the effect.

I tried to focus again and surprisingly it worked. Dull again but that was okay. Better when the hurt or the siren call of dominance. "But… I can not really explain it. It's too much to understand…" I fell silent, trying to work it out. I understood a little better now what Hotaru had been trying to achieve… DID achieve, I guess. Really put it into words? No, I could not. "Good." Her voice was cool again. "I wouldn't believe you, if you said you did."

Slowly this time I opened my eyes again. The pounding headache had subsided a little and I was glad to notice that this time the colorful spots failed to enter my vision. I had had enough of those last night already. Gradually adjusting to the sunlight falling into my room I turned my head slightly and noticed Hotaru on the edge of my bed wearing one of my sweaters I think. Then my gaze fell on the other figure, seated in the chair, arms propped on her knees and head in her hands, I felt another wave of deep guilt wash over me and was not able to fight it down this time. A part of my still jumbled mind did… I don't know. It was as if it was just falling over the edge of a deep clip, right back into the deep, cold cave…

"Snap out of it!" And then it was back in place. The… what, switch? Yes, the switch was back in place, safely locked and the hollow, indifferent feeling was back. I stared into Hotaru's intense gaze and had the strong urge to look away in shame but found myself unable to avert my eyes. "Do. Not. Falter." Each word was emphasized and I could have sworn I saw her eyes flashing. A tiny chill run down my spine. "I put too much effort in this for you to blame yourself again. I started it. Not you."

"Demo, you were…" She looked away at my inquiring gaze. "Yes, I was…You... saw it, didn't you?" It was a whisper and I was sure only I heard it. I gave a very tiny nod. Hotaru looked at me again with a compassion I had rarely seen in the young woman before. "You understand that I couldn't let you go through the pain. It had taken me months to achieve what you feel now. I had no help, I had no one to understand." Again I could only nod and finally allowed some of the tears to fall. Tears held back for a very long time. I didn't even know what they were about. Just that they were tears of pain, hurt and loss.

My friends had been slaughtered by a pack of demons.

I had been raped.

The two thoughts were suddenly so clear in my mind. I hadn't allowed myself to care, hadn't allowed myself the reality and consequences of what happened, had wrapped myself in a cocoon of denial. Gone. It was all gone now. The walls, the protection, the shields. Gone. Because they were not real and they only caused more harm than good.

I felt arms around me, drawing me into a tight embrace. They were slender but felt like they never wanted to let go. Hotaru's I guess. The sobs were silent and the tears fell unrestrained as I let my control slip. Not drift in one direction of the beckoning voices on either side. I let the memories go, the realization that I had been stripped of my innocence twice. First my soul and then my body. In the most brutal ways that one could imagine.

"Will it ever go away." Hotaru didn't ask what I was referring to. The hurt, the pain, the memories, the torn mind, threatening to be dragged to one of the extremes every moment. Or something else. I could not have told her anyway and I think she knew that. So, in a firm but deathly quiet voice the answer was simple. "No."

The tears came only harder and I could feel her arms tightening around me. "You can only deal with it. It can get better. But go away. No. You can make yourself forget, shield it all away but… No, it won't go away." The words were the honest truth, I could tell, but that only hurt more. I was a bit startled as I felt another, familiar set of arms envelop me but quickly succumbed to the warm blanket they wrapped me into.

"We're here for you. You're not alone," I could hear Minako's whisper. I could tell she was torn between comforting both me and Hotaru and somehow for this one moment I could let go of all the emotions bottled up inside of me. With them I could. No shame anymore, no holding back. It was an honest expression of shared grief that came much too late but was just the one thing we all needed at the moment. There, together, in each other's arms, crying for all the pain brought upon us, I felt a strange, warm feeling rise inside of me, around us, embracing us. It was warm, protective and… safe. At this one instant I felt utterly and totally safe. I felt right. Right there I belonged.

The minutes drew on as I could feel wet tears on my skin that were not my own.

(Hotaru)

About an hour later Minako and I exited the Tsukino-ke after making sure that Usagi was okay and would not cave again. There was something amazingly relieving over the shared emotions that had overcome us after the truths were out. I felt that a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders, from all of us. The truth was out, all truths were out in the open, at least the important ones. I had no idea how those truths would now be dealt with but it helped immensely.

After a long breakfast where the topic had deliberately ignored by all of those present. Tsukino Kenji had come in later the morning from a business assignment but Minako and I were already in the process of leaving. Usagi had at several points when we were alone tried to apologize for the situation she had caused but either Minako's soothing words or some pointed looks from me would shoot her down. I had been right, she would have a long road ahead of her towards healing. I hadn't even healed completely yet.

The silence was beginning to gnaw on my nerves. Minako was walking a few steps ahead of me. If that was on purpose or subconsciously I could not tell but I could not take it any longer. This morning Minako had not shown any signs of bitter accusation but she could have been simply overwhelmed. Now, after the emotions had cooled down, she might have second thoughts. I stopped and considered which approach to take, I decided that the direct one suited me just fine. "Do you hate me now?"

Minako halted in mid-step to slowly turn around and regard me with an intense gaze. She didn't speak at first, studied me for several long moments. Her eyes made me squirm and I could not resist the urge to look at my feet. I had known this might come. Known that she'd probably hate me for what I did with Usagi. A day after our own mating night no less…

I was a little surprised to have my head tilted upward by a harsh grip a few seconds later and flinched a little as Minako's eyes shone with a hidden fire all of a sudden. "I could never hate you." The words stunned me into silence to say the least because they were voiced with such a certainty and seriousness that I pitied everyone who dared to disagree with her. I did not, just held her gaze, even though it was already painful to a point. There wasn't hate, I could see that now, but… "I'm confused, yes. There is hurt trust, yes. And I have no idea where we go from here. But no, I could never hate you." She didn't say, she loved me though. For a moment her touch softened and moved to my cheek, lingering there. I wanted so desperately for her to kiss me… Finally she moved away and resumed her brisk pace.

"I'm hurt that you couldn't tell me, that you never came to one of us," she said while I tried to catch up with her. "I'm hurt that you didn't tell me about Usagi. Have I been such a bad friend to you, that you couldn't let me help?" That one hurt far worse than I thought it would. It was true that I had considered the option but decided against it. I was in shock - okay, that was a major understatement - and couldn't really think clearly. After the pre-battle kiss I really had wanted to run into Minako's arms but I felt so low and humiliated that I could not master the strength to burden her with my rape.

"I… You wouldn't have understood… and…" Kuso, I usually was not the one to stutter. Used to being in control for years now, I was put off from the way the blonde could effect me with one single word or touch. I thought I'd never allow myself to feel love again but I had and in some ironically way the party fiasco had provided an opening, a cut in the emotionless shell I had put around myself. A cut I wasn't able to close again.

"YOU COULD HAVE TRIED!" I jumped back severally feet when Minako whirled around snarling the words in my face. I wasn't quite prepared for the reaction and lost my balance. I winced a little after falling on my butt - which still hurt from the night's events. Again I was surprised to find Minako kneel next to me, tears streaming down her face as she reached out to take one hand in hers. "Why did you not try? Yes, I cannot relate to what you've gone through, what both of you have gone through but I thought you trusted me enough to know that I would do anything for you. Kuso, you and Usagi are the only important people I still have." I wanted to reach out, sooth her, explain… So many things I couldn't and it was tearing me up inside out. "Gomen nasei… I was… scared. I was so scared, Minako, and just like Usagi. I thought there was nobody there who would have wanted anything to do with me. I even thought that you would hate me and…"

Her lips found mine, stopping the babble and I simply closed my eyes and enjoyed the wonderful warm sensation, washing away the pain for the moment. It was only brief but when Minako pulled away and helped me to my feet, I felt unsteady and had to lean on her a little. She didn't mind though.

We walked for a few more minutes in silence, before my blonde-haired girlfriend - and I was glad for still being able to call her that - broke it again with a side glance. "That still doesn't help with how we are going to deal with Usagi now." I would not admit it but that had been on my mind moments ago as well. "One thing is for sure," I told her not breaking the pace but this time managing to look like the certain. "She'll need us both now. What I did was just the start on a healing process that I have taken years to go through and still not fully finished. I can teach her how to control the emotions, the urges and such but I cannot teach her how to let go, how to trust and feel safe again." I looked at her poignantly. "Only you can."

Minako raised an eyebrow in response but didn't say anything. "It was only with you that I allowed myself to lower my guard and let the feelings come. I could feel safe and I could tell that Usagi felt safe to this morning." I didn't need to explain further. When Usagi had broken down, I practically had pleaded Minako with my eyes to join us on the bed. For some reason, I just knew that this was the right thing to do.

"She trusts you," I continued after awhile. "Why else would she allow herself to be with you." Minako winced a little at that but I caught her wrist in a firm grip and made her look at me. "Minako, what you did before 'us' is none of my concern. After all you are speaking to the person who just jumped into bed with your latest girlfriend after our mating night,"

I could not help the sarcasm leaking through but strangely Minako simply smiled weakly. "She has not been my girlfriend. What we had was only…" I put a finger on her lips and kissed them softly, halting our movements immediately. "No lies anymore. I know what you're trying to say and I cannot blame you. We all love… loved Usagi in one way or another. She's our Princess and foremost our light that has guided our lives. There is not a way that goes by without the feeling of guilt that I had not only failed my friends but also her someway. Retreating into myself did not really help."

People walked by and occasional stared at the two of us in the middle of the sidewalk as time went by and none of us really knew what to say. We were still holding the pose though and none of us looked away this time. "Where to we stand now?" Minako asked finally. "I don't know. I wish I did but I don't. I meant what I said yesterday morning. That I said I loved you and that I was sorry I did. This is part of it, I knew that things would be complicated when I let myself fall in love with you. I could not help it."

"Love is always complicated," Minako replied quietly, her hand softly cupping my cheek. I sighed a little at the touch and she smiled. "Are we okay?" I did truly not know who actually asked the question but the answering kiss was more than enough answer.

After a short time simply ignoring the world around us we picked up walking again, hands firmly grasped this time. After a relative long span of comfortable silence, Minako asked suddenly. "Do you know who did this to her?" I told her. "I really wish, I would have let you kill them." Her voice was bitter and with a steel in it that could have cut through the sun. Actually I was thankful she did, because otherwise I might have been too far gone for anyone to reach me. If I had gone through with the kill I think I would have been forever lost. And Minako knew that. That's why she intercepted in the first place. Out loud I said: "I plan to correct this mistake though." My voice had dropped to the familiar tones of Saturn by now. Venus held her gaze on the path ahead. "Can I watch?"

Chapter Six: Dealing

(Minako)

The door caved in and finally was flung out of the frame under the powerful kick I had delivered. Carefully we slipped into the room and looked around. There was not much to look at. The interior was thoroughly cleaned out, the kitchen looked like it hadn't been used in days and the bedroom wasn't any different. No human soul occupied the shady apartment in the poorer districts of Tokyo.

My dark-haired partner came from investing the balcony and shook her head. Completely clad in black and with similar sunglasses nobody would have recognized her, let alone see her in the dark. "Nothing?" I asked, hoping against hope that there was at least the tiniest bit of a trail. Hotaru repeated the headshake and I sighed heavily. Taking away the red mask I cleaned the glasses in frustration - not that they needed it, mind you.

"That was the last one?" Hotaru briefly touched my arm before answering. "Hai. I can track a few sources out of town but… I doubt we have the time and capacity. They never stay long in one place." They being Hamutsei Kobin and Mamata Tsuta, in the "scene" only known as Black and Ivy. It had come to somewhat of a shock to me that Hotaru not only worked as a part-time bouncer in the part but that that actually was a cover for her other… job.

As it seemed my girlfriend had become quite the heck of a hacker. I had to admit after sometimes working with Ami she had the basics down pretty quickly but now… Well, she did all sorts of assignments but never tended to get personally involved. Black and Ivy had been her last employees and as with anyone before she had researched them of course, which now came in handy.

"I would chase them to Alaska if necessary but you're right. Christmas is in two days and the party is more important for Usagi when those two." Hotaru nodded quietly and slipped one arm around my waist. "I know…" We stood in the middle of the apartment for awhile in silence. It had been frustrating. The two rapists were nowhere to be found. We had searched every location for three nights straight now with no luck at all. By now I wanted to smash anything very badly and it was only Hotaru's company and the necessity to be there for Hotaru and her healing process that held me from snapping.

Ever since learning the identities of Usagi's assailants I had taken part of the blame onto myself. Not only to relieve the other two but also because I felt the tiniest bit responsible for allowing them to get away this night. It pained me to think that Hotaru and I had mated at the same time while sweet Usagi was stripped of another part of her innocence. I REALLY wanted to kill something… preferably someone.

Moving to the balcony I stood there for awhile, letting the cold breeze of early morning blow through my hair. At this moment I was glad that we had used Lunar Pen and the Mikazu Mirror for our investigations. The magic not only provided more fitting clothes for this time of the year but also an extra layer of protection - without our powers we Inners would probably had been frozen solid before reaching D-Point in our first battle.

Finally I freed my hand from Hotaru's. "Go home. I still have something to do." She frowned a little but I pulled out a paper and she simply nodded. "I wanted to solve this personally demo… Oh well. I have some people who still owe me a favor." Hotaru briefly stood on her toes and gave me a short kiss. "Be back soon." I smiled faintly and jumped out into the night's air and the first bit of snow that winter had brought to Tokyo.

Hotaru was holding up a strong front, I knew that. Inwardly she wasn't much better than Usagi with the old wounds made fresh again through Usagi's experiences. She had never really allowed herself to grief or really stomach the two most awful moments of her life. Neither the slaughter nor her own… rape. I could not help but shudder every time I thought about it. We had carefully avoided the topic but with the bond that was beginning to form between us, I sometimes got flashes and those were enough already. And the nightmares… Now that Hotaru had allowed herself to feel again, her sleep often was troubled and sometimes I didn't get much on my own, trying to soothe the girl and watching over her.

Our own still fragile relationship had surprisingly not so much suffered. No, the opposite seemed to be the case. There still was a huge gap of trust between us, fueled by our individual pasts and problems but hunting for Usagi's maulers had given us a common goal which had brought us closer. I had learned about Hotaru's other activities and she had helped me to make a clean cut to my own… "job". It would be a long time before any of us would ever feel completely comfortable again but at the moment we needed each other and more than depended on that need to strengthen our bond.

Usagi though… I looked down at the paper as memories from three days ago came back.

It was late afternoon when I returned to the Tsukino-ke. Hotaru had just let me in on her mildly disturbing secret of a hacker career… Mildly because everything paled in comparison to the latest events. We had made some plans and sorted out places to look for Usagi's assailants which we would seek out tonight. Neither of us wanted to tell or get our Princess involved with it but… We were talking about human crime here and as much as I wanted them dead, I had worked for the police once when I was a teenager and part of their philosophy was still there. If possible I would like to avoid getting outside help on this, unfortunately life not always went like it should.

Getting a somewhat distant greeting from Ikuko - the woman was obviously trying to put on a mask of being unworried. She was miserably failing in the task. Usagi didn't want her family to know, yet, and I respected this. What I said to the older woman this morning was probably true after all. She didn't need a mother all worried over her, Usagi needed support. This much Hotaru had made clear. No fussing or sweet words but friends who still accepted her as she was… or… had been. Young, innocent, carefree. It would be a long road for her, indeed.

Entering her room, I saw Usagi seated in the chair on the desk and writing something, there was a huge pile of… well, all sorts of things. Folders, newspapers and the like. She didn't look up when I entered or was startled when I looked over her shoulder. The connection seemed to be stronger than ever, even with the new level Hotaru and I had now.

"Hey," I greeted, forcing a cheerful tone into my voice. "What are you doing there?" Usagi put some papers away. "I'm looking for something to do in the new year. Maybe I'm taking some evening semesters also." She sat back and the intense look that had covered her face a few moments ago faded quickly. "I just… needed something to do. Just sitting around alone in the room and doing nothing is kind of frustrating."

I nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed. I knew she didn't want to really talk about THAT but I couldn't contain my own worry very well. "How are you holding up?" The other blonde closed her eyes briefly and my trained eyes noticed just the tiniest bit of a shudder. "It's… difficult. When I have something to do, I can forget about it but… If I just sit or lie around…" I reached out and took her hand in mine. "We still need to get shopping for that party you know?" Immediately her head perked up and I could see the tiniest bit of a sparkle in these distant blue eyes. "Does that mean you're both coming?" I squeezed her hand and nodded.

I hated to spoil the mood but needed to get this done with. So I reached into my pocket and pulled out the printed chart that Hotaru had given me from the two criminals. As I handed it to Usagi, I had to actually jump up and steady her. The sight was heartbreaking, seeing my Princess and best friend spasm and jerk from the sight of the two… THINGS that had violated her. I closed my eyes briefly, rocking the other girl gently in my arms. "Gomen nasei, Usagi-chan. Hotaru had the information about those two. I still have some friends with the police who might be able to help us." At the panicked look on her face, I quickly added: "Discrete of course. That is why I need you to sign this and confirm that those two are…" I didn't finish the sentence but it wasn't necessary.

After some time Usagi had calmed down enough to quickly take a pen and with shaking hands put her name under the paper. This would be enough though. At times like this I was glad I had been working with the police temporally. We sat down on the bed to talk for awhile about the upcoming party which relaxed Usagi immensely. Plans were made about what to buy and the question was raised, if we should invite some of our other… friends. Which mostly would be Naru and Umino since Motoki had followed Reika to Europe a few years ago. We finally agreed that this party should be just for us. Something special, something for good memories. We could all need this. Maybe New Year we could make something bigger.

"So," Usagi asked after some time, looking at me out of the corner of her eye, "are you and Hotaru doing alright? I mean, I didn't…" Quickly I cut her off, thinking that she was going into one of her self-blame moods again. "No, Usagi. We told you…"

"You're being generous. Minako. I can tell that I didn't make things better with… this." She looked away and I mutely followed her gesture by gazing out of the window. A lot of thoughts were swirling around in my head. And maybe it was one of the worst things to ask in this situation but… I needed to know. And Hotaru had said to treat her like the person and not the victim. "What exactly was it like? Last night, I mean. Hotaru won't tell me, I know."

I could hear a sharp intake of breath and after that a period of silence. I waited patiently, not sure if Usagi was merely considering the right choice of words or answering at all. I wouldn't blame her if she denied the latter. "It's hard to tell. Before last night I was so full of hatred and blame directed at me. I thought that I was unworthy to even be considered a human being because… Why would that have happened to me otherwise. I let the others die, I let them use me and they used me because…"

I wanted to interrupt but resisted the urge. Perhaps the other girl actually needed to talk about it. "… because I didn't deserve better. I can not really describe how it feels. It's like being in a great void where nothing else exists than the pain you think you have to receive, that has to be dealt out because you were bad, you let your friends die and so on…" Another pause and I had subconsciously reached out for her hand as I noticed.

Usagi looked down on my palm atop hers but didn't comment. "Then Hotaru did all those things it just became too much. I wanted her to stop because the pain was too intense but at the same time a part of me still resist to simply fight back. I think I could have, at every point, even when those two…" She didn't finish the sentence but again that wasn't necessary. "I lacked the mental strength though. I didn't have the will to fight back because I blamed… and still blame myself partly for the deaths of the others. However, Hotaru knew exactly where to hurt me, to get this small part to rebel."

After another short pause she repeated the words my girlfriend had spoken to her. I had a hard time resisting the urge to cringe… "After that everything just snapped. You know like a switch that lets something move in one or the other direction. Wham, just like that. Everything I felt before was simply reversed and except blaming myself, I pushed that blame away and reflected it on everyone else. She… took it all for awhile. But unlike me before Hotaru was still able to control herself. From there on it was pretty much an even challenge. A challenge that somehow changed everything…"

"And you realized that there is not always the easy way of either taking the blame or giving it someone else. That the world isn't all black and white but all shades of gray. And that your pain, the loss of our friends and everything else is no exception," I finished for her and Usagi quietly nodded.

The seconds ticked by before I suddenly chuckled into the silence and Usagi looked at me sharply. "I have to give it to her," I managed to get out. "That girl always has to do everything her way. Pretty extreme, I must say." I lifted her hand with mine and enfolded it with the other.

I stopped her before she could say something. "Nay, I'm not mad at you… It is true that there still is a lot between me and Hotaru that has to heal. But I could never hate the two of you, you both are much too precious to me. You too, Usagi. My Princess." With that I lifted her hand to my lips and on impulse put a soft kiss on her palm.

"I have to get back home. See you later!" With that I jumped up and rushed out of the room. Looking over my shoulder I saw her still looking down stupefied on her hand. Yay me, I still got it.

I didn't really understand what had happened that moment. But there had been several more of this awkward ones… Even going as far as a few tender kisses that I had always put off as nothing more but comfort. Hotaru admitted though that she also felt somewhat different around Usagi. However, she never told me anything else.

Looking back up at the large building ahead of me, I concentrated back on the task at hand. Doubling my speed, I raced towards Tokyo Police Headquarters which would soon start their work early in the morning as I knew from experience. It was time to see an old… friend.

(???)

It was a hard time being a police officer these days. Criminal activity had risen in the last six years since "The Night of Dread" as the press had rather lamely titled what only few really knew was the end of the famous Sailor Senshi save three. I had been undeniable happy when Minako had called some weeks afterwards and let me know that she was still alive. Contact had been held briefly after she left police since her time in England, after that last call I hadn't heard from her again personally.

I sighed at the melancholic thoughts and took a large sip from my coffee. The chief was pushing us again. Tokyo had become rather gloomy and I wished the old days back when Youma roamed the city and took the majority of the crime activity for themselves. Criminals would mostly stay away because they didn't want to be a unintended target to the myth that was the Sailor Senshi. Work had been slow in these days. There hadn't been any Youma sightings in six years.

"Kami," I muttered, flipping open the folder of new cases my secretary had handed me, "what is it with me this morning. I sound like the chief." Setting to work, I banished the lingering thoughts from my mind and got a quarter hour of studying a new case, when I heard a knock. "What is it?" I groaned. There was no answer and with a groan I stood up to head to the door and see who was playing tricks on me. In the mid-movement I stopped, frozen, when my eyes had determined that it hadn't been a knock on the door but on the window instead. Perched on the sill outside was the distinct figure of one Sailor V.

I blinked, making sure that the early hour wasn't playing tricks on me but surely enough she was still there. A lot older when the thirteen year-old I remembered but her nonetheless. Left in a dazed state, I walked over to the window and let her in. She dropped to the ground without making a sound but shivered a little, probably from the cold air outside.

"Honestly, Wakagi-kun, is this your way of treating old friends? Letting them freeze outside your window?" Her verbal jab kind of went past me, as I numbly returned to my desk. V had taken off her mask and went with one hand through her hair to soothe it. "Minako," I regarded her with a nod, not really sure what else to do. "What brings you here after… What has it been? Six years? Eight years?" She smiled faintly. "Well… I was busy."

Without further words she pulled a piece of paper out of nowhere. "I need you to do me a favor." Curiously I picked the quite detailed chart up - refraining from asking where she got such information - about two criminals on the hot list of several secret services nonetheless. My eyes widened and then narrowed to slits while reading through the verification for rape, completely with autograph. There was one thing among all policemen that could get more disgust out of you when a bloody murder. And that was rape. Minako long ago had given me charts and I knew the name Tsukino Usagi very well. Raping was bad enough but doing it to a Princess by heritage…

"Can this be arranged? We went through all the locations my… associate knew they could be. It appears they left town." I pursed my lip my briefly. Those two were not only countrywide but almost worldwide searched criminals, I was sure arrangements could be made very quickly. "It will be done," I replied, my voice hardening noticeable. Minako gave a short nod. There was a brief silence in which our eyes met and both of us knew what the other thought. If one of found them personally before anyone else not even misuse of power would save them a fate in a prison. No, if one of us found them, they would never even make it there.

Half an hour later Minako had left. We had agreed to keep us updated regularly if either we or her… associate had found any leads. Now I stood in front of the chief's office, chart and a folder of information from Interpol records in one hand. After a firm knock I entered the room.

Sakurada Natsuna looked up from her computer screen. Seeing the serious look on my face, she turned around to face me. "What can I do for you, Officer Wakagi?" I put down the folder and chart on the table. "I need my current cases to be reassigned. That was just dropped in by an old… 'friend' of ours." The chief reached out to study the chart and briefly flip through the folder. I had of course held her updated about what Minako had given me on the information and Sakurada Natsuna was not the police chief for nothing. She had a very sharp mind and the fact that this was related to her favorite V-sama…

"Consider your cases to be reassigned." I smiled grimly. "Oh and, Wakagi," she called out while I turned to leave. "We will work on this together."

(Hotaru)

It was around ten in the morning when we met up with Usagi in Shinjuku. The blonde greeted us rather cheerfully, obviously excited to do some shopping. Seeing her like that was like salve for the soul. Of course the smile was somewhat forced but it was her job of trying to suppress any kind of depression. All in all she did much better than I had done all this years back. If I had had the help she got… Fact is I probably was just to scared to ask for it. Even if they hadn't fully understood. I should have known that they would never leave me alone. Done was done though and maybe now after even more emotional trauma we could finally move on.

"Well, well. Looks like someone is eager to raid the mall," Minako declared as Usagi came literally skipping over to us. I was a little bit surprised as the other blonde swung her arms around us in a brief embrace. There was that feeling of safety again… The feeling of belonging. For that brief moment it was so strong, we all sighed quietly when Usagi let go, all of us pretended to ignore that they noticed anything.

"I'm just glad that you guys are here." And this really seemed to be important for her. I had taken a long time to not snap when someone invaded my personal space, let alone touch me. It was a simple defense reaction from my subconsciousness but was hard to prevent if you weren't in total control. Usagi didn't seem to share this problems but Ikuko had let it slip that she wouldn't go out without any of us either. I doubt she would have survived a shopping trip without our company.

For about an hour we looked around in the various shops, filling bags with decorations and some gifts for Usagi's parents and some other people. Candles were bought and I insisted on a few herbs. At my friends questions I simply said they were for a prayer on Christmas Eve. I had no idea if what I had planned, would work. However, if I succeeded it could not only help Usagi immensely but most likely all of us. Hopefully I would get this right, wouldn't want to anger some spirits.

After the general things were obtained we split up to buy some individual gifts. I had already something in mind for Usagi, so I went with her while Minako set off on her own for awhile. I smiled to myself secretly. How long had it been that I had been shopping like a normal girl, looking at everything, bugging shopkeepers and irritate customers with useful banter. To be honest, I never really had. As a child I wasn't the exact typical specimen and later I was usually to shy to go out all like Usagi and Minako could. The latter had often dragged me with her but I always refrained her efforts to get me to indulge in her carefree activity. Well… To hell with it! Today I wanted to be the normal schoolgirl I never really had been.

After picking out something nice for Minako, we strolled through some of the shops, trying out this piece of jewelry, that piece of clothing. I never had the intention of purchasing anything but Usagi was hell-bent on getting a few new items for her wardrobe and there was one thing you could usually not defend yourself against. A pleading look from our Princess. Usagi insisted that I got myself some nice things too. Oh well, if I wanted to be a common girl for once, I might as well spent some of that money I had enough of anyway.

Since it was in the script for a shopping raid - or so Usagi said - we wound up with the more expensive and formal gowns eventually. After looking around I found a purple one that I kind of liked. The price wasn't that outrageous and I let the clerk wrap it up. Returning to Usagi I saw her unmoving in front of a couple of white pieces. Coming up next to her, I immediately saw what had caught her eye. A long white gown with a big bow in the end. The style resembled that of the old Moon Kingdom only slightly verified. The gown that Neo Queen Serenity would have worn looked exactly like it…

"Close your eyes and focus. Can you feel the center?" Usagi sat cross-legged on her bed following my instructions. She nodded and I continued. "Good. Now let go of the control. SLOWLY. Let it drift." Reaching out to her spirit, I could feel the familiar drifting from the physical realm. The "switch" as I had labeled it was slowly bending in one direction, I could not quite tell in which one but I suppose unlike me Usagi tended more to the submissive side. "Now pull back!" I ordered sharply and after a moment of hesitation felt the reaction, her eyes reverted back to clear blue, instead of the glassed over appearance and Usagi heaved a wary sigh. It was tiring, I very well remembered that part. And I had had no one to guide me. That had been even more tiring.

"You're doing good, Usagi. You have that down in no time." Usagi managed a faint smile. "I'm doing good at something that requires learning? Haruna-sensei would quit her job hearing that." I chuckled softly and motioned for her to settle down and rest. We had been doing that for over an hour and that should be enough for now. Also I had to get back soon. It was getting late and Minako and I still had some locations to check for our wayward rapists.

"Hotaru? Can you give me the folder in the top right drawer? I need to get this done today, if I want to have that application out before Christmas." I complied, glad that Usagi had found the courage to get some sort of order in her life. Her strength was remarkable after having her spirit shattered the moment she had started to realize what a mess she had allowed her life to become.

Handing her the folder, I watched for a moment as she lay down on her stomach to read and occasional mark something. Turning back to her desk I was about to close the drawer again when something caught my eye. I had missed it the first time and even now barely got a glimpse on the objects inside. Two pictures, neatly tugged away in frames. Taking them out I held them up into the light and nearly wept at what I saw. My control slipped immediately and I couldn't suppress the whimper. Of course Usagi noticed that. "Daijobu, Hotaru-chan?"

I looked back at her, sure that a few tears were glistering in my eyes. I wanted to put the pictures away immediately but the damage had already been done. So I simply shut the drawer and slid down the chair to sit beside her on the bed. Usagi had gotten up at my reaction and hers was mirroring mine as I handed her the two photographs that were years old by now. "Oh," was all she said but it was so quiet that one could have sworn she had said nothing at all.

The first photo was of Usagi, me and Chibiusa from the time when we had visited that friend of Mamoru's who was breeding exotic plants. I think Mamoru must have made that one. The other was a gift - I supposed - from Chibiusa, showing her and her parents with the beautiful scenery of Crystal Tokyo in the background.

The first did not show anything remarkable except the heart wrenching happiness that the three of us radiated. The other one… Well, I wasn't Pluto but she had taught me some things when I was in my quick aging period. The whole picture was somewhat transparent, the typical sign of a future that had become dead. The halo effect was less with Neo Queen Serenity but King Endymion was beyond doubt transparent. Chibiusa had a faint emerald glow around her that showed her detachment from the timeline. She wouldn't completely vanish because she had been here once and the photos taken in this time would be unaffected but the glow was a clear sign that her future existence had been crushed.

"Chibiusa forgot that when she returned to the future after Neherenia," Usagi whispered softly. I slipped an arm around her shoulder and put the pictures back on the desk. The mood had dropped considerably and for a long while we just sat there staring at the pictures that were synonyms of a happy past and a future that should have been happy. Thinking about the price the world had paid that day when the Senshi were slaughtered by a foe that we until today had no idea where it had come from, it was a truly sad thing that they would never know about their loss. Yet… Did a society who produced people like Black and Ivy truly deserve an utopia?

Neither of us really minded leaning on each other as we remembered memories of the past and the days where we could live without a care in the world because we knew our future would be a glorious one and our efforts would eventually pay out. A dream it had been but we never realized it before we had been rudely awakened.

It had been one of those awkward moments I had told Minako about. There was no touching, necking, kissing or whatever. Just a mutual and genuine comfort but the moment was slightly magical if I dared saying so. At one point I could have sworn hearing my childhood friend's laughter.

"It's beautiful," I heard Usagi breathe wistfully. I looked up from my reverie and had to gasp at the resemblance. My friend was just holding the gown in front of her looking into a mirror but even that way the resemblance between Usagi and Neo Queen Serenity was almost one hundred percent. The only thing missing was the crown and the sigil.

I felt a sharp pang in my heart as I remembered why I had been reborn in this age in the first place. Normally including Saturn in the rebirth cycle would have been counterproductive but Queen Serenity had foreseen that Earth would be the promised planet for the new Silver Millennium. I was sent to ensure that it would come. I failed. We all did. How could everything had gone so horrible wrong? The Senshi in me had wanted nothing else than to see the old, glorious days again, even if it had meant assuming her old role in exile once more. Saturn would have done anything to ensure that. A pity that option had been taken away from me before I could react.

"Splendid," the voice of the saleswoman pushed into my thoughts as she came up behind me. "If I would dare say so, an image suited for a queen." Usagi cringed a little at the words but managed a smile anyway. It was wistful and laced with longing but still genuine. "Yes," she replied softly. "Yes, it is."

"Well," the woman remarked, "I truly would hate it to see that one wasted on someone else. Why don't I make you a special offer?" She told us and the price was really hilarious for something so beautiful. I looked at Usagi ready to lent her the money if she wanted but I already suspected that this wouldn't be necessary.

After a minute more of studying herself in the mirror, she finally put it down and handed it back to the woman. "No. Your offer is generous but I will not need the gown of a queen anymore." Her hand sought out mine and wordlessly I let her lead us back out of the shop, leaving a confused saleswoman looking after us.

(Usagi)

We met back up with Minako outside the shop a few minutes later. I think she must have noticed the nostalgic look on my face. Not saying anything she grasped my hand, slipped an arm around Hotaru and lead us down to ground level. In the middle of the recently remodeled mall in Shinjuku there was a fountain with the statue of what looked like an elf or a fairy in the middle. The cross was a little odd and Serenity would probably categorize it as a half-breed, if those hadn't been seen for several thousands year. I wondered absentmindedly where the artist had come up with the motive.

The dress had effected me more than I would admit. It brought out memories that I simply didn't have the strength to suppress and once again, I was reminded of the unfairness of it all. We had supposed to be fighting for this future to come. All our struggles, the fights, the hardships. They had given up so much and now nothing that we all had sacrificed would pay off in the end. This wasn't about Crystal Tokyo, or a happy future for Earth. It was about OUR future. The one that had not only been a dream but a goal. All of us had known that being rulers would not make life easier but we all had yearned for peace and for the revival of those glorious and carefree times of our past lives. We would have given everything for that, even personal freedom and childhood dreams. And then it had been taken away, just like that.

"I miss them…" I surprised myself with the firmness and the control the soft spoken whisper still possessed. I had no idea how long we had sat there but it seemed like a small eternity. Two sets of arms tightened around me and for a moment I stiffened at the closeness, at first from the initial reaction my body responded with at unexpected touch and when as a part of me realized that I was imposing on their bond like that.

Finally I settled down though and let the familiar feeling of security wash over me and help me stable my emotions. They were there for me. Even after all those time, even if only those two were there, they still would do anything for me. Not because of duty but because of love. A love I thought I didn't deserve but was determined to not gamble with again.

"We know, Usagi-chan," Minako whispered, placing a small kiss on my forehead. "We miss them too." I shook my head slightly. "That's not what I mean. We never really had a time… have ALLOWED ourselves to grief, slowly falling into our depression. We never had a chance to say goodbye…" My voice trailed off and I could not stop the few quiet sobs as some of the horrible moments from that day years ago rushed to the surface. It was an effort to will the control that Hotaru had taught me back into place and the implications pained me even more. I had just been underlining my own statement.

It surprised me a little to realize that Hotaru had lifted my face, the fingers of her right hand under my chin. Her eyes were intense and it was as if her soul was bare to my own eyes. There weren't any shields, I realized with a start. And I also realized that Hotaru had apparently feeling the same way now for a long time. "We will make our goodbye, Usagi-chan," she said quietly, her voice thick with emotions. "I promise you that. It is the least we can do for them."

I slowly nodded and settled in Minako's embrace as the dark-haired girl scooted even closer. We sat there like this, minutes, maybe hours. Looks were passed our way, some curious, some with scorn or distaste at the "improper" show of affection and closeness in public but we did not care. When we finally got up and left, bags in hand, none of us was letting go of the other.

It was about an hour later when I finally arrived home. Minako and Hotaru had been insistent to drop me off and while I protested they also knew how grateful I was for their company. I still felt insecure outside whenever I went alone, even for short walks. Every passer-by, no matter how innocent they seemed, scared me. It wasn't fair to them I knew but I was scared of them… Sometimes I even was scared of my own parents and I was not sure if it was just the fact about them finding out. And that was truly nagging on me. Without the control exercises Hotaru had so thoroughly taught me, I probably would have broken down by now.

The only time I could really feel safe was with Minako and Hotaru and both didn't show any restrictions in expressing it. I thought it bothered them to have me around as such a hassle and my tendency to simply pull back and fall into the depression that had been gathered throughout the years still didn't let me think otherwise. I knew they loved me - though I was not quite sure in which way that love went - but somehow I still thought I didn't deserve it.

What was it with us anyway? Ever since the morning where the veil on all the major secrets had been lifted, we had grown more closer than we had ever been before the incident six years ago. And that scared me too because I began realizing something that was playing a big part of why I thought of myself as an intruder in their growing and still fragile relationship. I think I loved them. In more than a sisterly way…

"Setsuna-san?" I sat down next to the older woman on a bench in the park. She didn't seem to be acknowledging my presence but that was just her usual manner. If you dealt with the Guardian of Time for awhile, you got used to it. I didn't know if I even wanted her to look at me right now. I might change my mind about approaching her on the subject. High School Graduation was coming up in under two months and the future we had been heading for was coming closer with every passing second. None of us knew for sure when or how and I was sure that the other woman would not share this details with me even if used a royal order… A royal order. I chuckled mentally and then smiled ruefully. It was back to the matter at hand. Better to get this done with or I would never get some sleep.

"The future is not really set in stone, is it?" That opening came out a little different from what I had planned, however, I realized that it was my heart speaking. Setsuna did not answer for a long time as we watched all the people around us. There were families, children playing, an old, grumpy man reading his newspaper. So many people who weren't even aware of the fact that right under their noses their very future was the topic of discussion.

"Do you want it to be?" The question startled me. It was uttered gently and not really disturbing the silence but the gravity was the important thing. "No," I answered with a surprisingly convincing tone of voice. "I don't want it to be set in stone, I want to form it, we want to form it because it has been our dream, the goal of our efforts for so long. If everything had already been prearranged no matter what we do, why should we have sacrificed so much?" The older woman turned her head slightly and I wavered slightly under the intense stare she gave me for a moment. Then her features softened and a tiny smile graced her lips. "And there I thought I would have to drill that wisdom into you one day." I blanched at the verbal jab and then started laughing.

Setsuna merely chuckled and waited until I settled down again. Her face turned serious again, a little worried even. "What brings this up all of the sudden, Princess? Not that I am complaining about your interest but…" I nodded, slipping back in what the others had jokingly labeled "princess mode". This topic was far too serious to joke about. "I had dreams, Pluto. Dreams about a future that had nothing to do with paradise we have been promised with. I know we all have those sometimes but it felt so real that it scares me. I can't go to Rei with this, I…" I trailed of looking at the other woman for some sign that she understood.

Setsuna did not move for several seconds and her voice had dropped several volumes as she finally replied. "The future is always in motion. Not even I as it's guardian can foresee every possibility. Crystal Tokyo is the one most clear in all of them. With slight changes here and there but the general concept would always point to this one possibility. All it would take though, would be one little disturbance in the flow of time and everything could fall apart, create something totally different."

"Like what?" I could not help but ask although I was secretly afraid of the answer. Setsuna was silent again for some time. "You falling in love with someone else as the Prince for example." I gaped at that and wanted to protest but she continued quickly. "I know you love him with all your heart, whether it be Tsukino Usagi or Serenity. I would not dare question your bond but you must realize that your love is what holds the steady image of Crystal Tokyo in the timeline. It is correct that you are the heir and that you could, if you wanted, let the Silver Millennium rise anew on your own. Crystal Tokyo though is a joint effort of both of your respective kingdoms. I fear, if the joining would not happen, the solution of a sole rule would end like the last one. Crystal Tokyo is a product of both the lineage of the Moon and the Earth and not just a revival of the Silver Millennium."

I had leaned back during her speech and closed my eyes. The cold breeze of late January was more freezing than refreshing. "I don't think I could ever love anyone else than Mamo-chan…" The thought alone was absurd. There had been crushes and the brief familiarity with Seiya but nothing had ever compared to what Mamoru and I had... were having.

Setsuna laughed softly. "That was merely an example. It could be him, though I doubt that, or it could also be that one of you falls in a fight. As you worded it earlier, Princess: 'The future is not set in stone.' But one thing you should not doubt…" I looked at her curiously out of the corner of my eye. "Do not doubt your ability to love. Do never question yourself, if you think that someone else might make you happy, even if it changes the future. Just ask yourself if it is worth it. You said yourself that you wanted to shape this future but you only got a glimpse of that time. The future is yours to hold and form, for the world and for yourself."

Setsuna stood up suddenly and soothed her long coat. "If those dreams worry you so much though, I will look into that matter." And with that she was gone.

That was the last time I had seen her until two days before the horrible battle. She told me personally that she had spent the whole time analyzing a minor anomaly that she had spotted due to my concern but it had vanished several days before her return without leaving behind any trace. I had not said anything to the others but had them be extra careful. It didn't help much.

Pushing back the images that threatened to break to the surface, I concentrated back on the conversation I had with Setsuna this day. Could I really love someone else? I could not deny that something was happening between us that quickly was slipping from our control and it had begun that very day when our friends had been slaughtered. The one moment our bleeding hearts and souls had joined and had not fully separated again afterwards though our bodies had drifted apart. And now with the new closeness it became even more evident.

Was I really in love again and wasn't I betraying Mamoru's memory like this? Hotaru had been so helpful and patient, helping me deal with the consequences of the rape. Minako was so supportive, even though she didn't really understand what we had been gone through and still were, she tried so much. When I was with them, I felt like I had reached the only safe harbor in a raging sea that otherwise threatened to drown me. Was it really possible to be in love with two people at once? Two people that were together? Two people that weren't Mamo-chan?

Chapter Seven: Preparations

(Hotaru)

The cold December wind was blowing through my long ebony hair as I took step after step. I had really let it grow long, I realized. Almost as long as Minako's. The old stairway was still in good shape despite the dozens of visitors everyday. Every step afterwards though was hard. The incredible pureness you could already feel at the bottom of the stairs was the direct opposite of what I felt inside. However, my decision had been made. I needed to do this in order to free not only me from the bonds of the horrible memories still snaring us after all those years but to free all of us.

I had promised Usagi that and I would hold true to my word, it was so important for me too after all. I had talked about my intentions for Christmas Eve to Minako eventually when we had returned home yesterday. I knew she wanted to accompany me but this was something I had to do on my own. For them and for me. There simply was no other way.

The gate was still there as I remembered it but as my eyes wandered over a distinctive familiar yard not much else reminded me of what this place had once represented. There was nothing of the life filling the area, only a few birds still nested in the large tree. The crows who had guarded this place for so long were nowhere in sight. Once Hikawa Jinja had been one of the holy places that would be a pinpoint for the rise of Crystal Tokyo. The energy of this place was almost gone now. Gone with the mana of the Senshi that once had dwelled here…

There was no one greeting me. To my knowledge the poor apprentice had fled the shrine shortly after receiving the news. He was not the one I sought today though, my query I found in the prayer chamber, before the holy flame that was the symbol of Hikawa. I stood in the doorway to the room for several seconds, taking in the sight of the withered old man that had despite his age still seemed so energetic the few times I had been up here with the Inners after Galaxia's defeat. Gone was that energy and you could clearly see the signs of tiredness. Not only physically but in his whole posture and aura. The man was tired of life and I could not blame him.

"Greetings, Hino-san." I really thought he should have sensed me by now since I had let my shields down partially but judged by his reaction and the speed he whirled around to face me, I should probably be glad that I hadn't given him a heart attack right away. I bowed slightly. "Gomen nasei. I didn't mean to startle you." The old man studied me for awhile, before the tired eyes flashed with a spark of interest. "You are… Tomoe, right? Tomoe Hotaru. What brings you hear after all those years?"

This was the hard part and I felt a little bad about making this decisions without Usagi's consent. She had been closest to Rei and it should be her decision. Yet… I came here for reasons that required for me to be absolutely honest. Additionally, the sight of the crumpled priest that was barely holding on to life right now, pained me. He should know. Should know that his granddaughter had died in bravery.

"Again I apologize for disturbing you at such an early hour but the reasons were to dire to entrust any other." I took a deep breath and looked the older man square in the eye who didn't even flinch. "First of all, I believe it is time to share the truth with you, what really happened six years ago."

About an hour later it was deathly quiet in the small room we had retreated to. Hino-san was matching my cross-legged position in a regal, unmoving manner that somewhat betrayed the image of a cranky old man. All throughout the tale - and I had left out nothing important - he had been listening quietly, not once interrupting, not once asking a question. The serious, attentive mask never left his face and then I was finally finished the Shinto priest had simply picked up his cup of tea again and was taking short, leisure sips.

I sat back drained. Trying to relax was hard. Retelling the story of the Sailor Senshi, not to mention that horrible day was difficult for my control and I had more than once let it slip, an occasion sob here, a whimper there. Hino-san had never said anything, just waited patiently. It pained me to relate this maybe even more than it had the possibility of hurting the older man but it had to be. Perhaps I should have taken Minako up on her offer to accompany me. She had known the miko better than me and would have been more understanding to the situation. However, I needed to do this for what I had planned and Minako was setting up the preparations.

The released breath from the older man was disrupting the silence like a whip snapping - ugh, me and my metaphors - and I carefully looked up to meet his gaze. It was still intense but with a new level of softness that surprised me and helped me to relax a little. "I am glad that you finally shared this with me, Tomoe-san." Setting down the teacup he reached out to take one of my hands. I hadn't even noticed I was trembling but was not really shocked. My emotions were in a bit of a turmoil - that seemed to happen more recently lately.

"I cannot even begin to understand what you all had to go through for so long but knowing that my daughter died in bravery, defending what she believed in and the ones she loved… It is refreshing for this old heart." He chuckled softly. "Maybe I can now finally get some rest." The words were said so casually they nearly failed to register. When they did I was not really sure what to say. I had seen it before, the liveliness, the dread to just let go and rest. Maybe the feeling that his granddaughter had died at the hands of evil had prompted him to resume his task so long. I felt partially responsible for that. And although it couldn't have been helped, I wondered if I just signed the man's death sentence.

"Hino-san," I rasped out, grasping the elder's hand a little tighter. His eyes softened and I whimpered a little under his caring gaze. He had been known as a lively, slightly perverted old priest but in this situation I guess it became evident why he had earned the title. "Oh, don't worry about me, child. My time has not yet come. I trust God to call me then. But you, you must have endured a horrible trauma I cannot even begin to imagine. I wish you had come earlier."

"Gomen nasei, elder," I managed in a steady voice, trying to catch my resolve and control. "I don't want to be rude but I don't think you quite understand how it is for our kin." If the priest had taken offense by this, he didn't show it. "No, I suppose I don't." Pausing for a moment to compose himself, he continued. "Your lie to me may be forgiven. I can very well imagine what was at stake for you. Your devotion to your friends and your… princess is a well-founded reason. Enough for me to understand."

I could not deny that I was relieved at that. It had been a tough decision whether or not to share the truth with the families of the Senshi but once again reasoning had won. The danger was simply too great and at this time we had not known if we ever had to fight again even though we doubted our ability to do that at this point. The story we had decided came as close to the truth possible but couldn't be helped but looking as a cheap and unfair death accident. I was secretly glad it was an understanding priest and not a calculative and sharp doctor that I had to share this with.

"Regardless, child, you said you came here and wanted to share this with me for a specific reason, I believe." I blinked at the change of topic and realized that for a moment I had actually lost sight of the actual motivation for coming here in the first place. "You are right, Hino-san. I require your help because you were the only one I could think of." The elder nodded for me to continue. "I want to do something that might help all of us and especially Usagi to cope better with the past. We realized lately that we had yet failed to properly let go. However, I do not think that in my tainted state I am capable of attending to a ceremony." I could have let Minako do it of course but my grasp on the spiritual was much better than hers. This had to be done right and precisely. A mistake could not be made or there might not be another chance.

For a longer moment Hino-san rubbed his chin with one hand. "You do realize that a full cleansing ceremony would take a very long time though." I nodded at that. "But I suppose something temporally could be arranged for the time being. What is it actually that you are trying to achieve here." Choosing my words carefully, I went for a short, pointed answer. "Have you ever contacted the dead, Hino-san?" The elder's eyes narrowed but I withstood his gaze.

Finally he heaved a weary sigh. "Do you have time?" I smiled a little. "I have to be back in the afternoon and I don't think you want to spent Christmas Eve working." That drew a short laugh out of the old man. "Oh, believe me. I might not practice the religion but I still cherish a free day."

He stood up to stretch and turned to the sliding door with a sharp motion. "Please, follow me, Tomoe-san. This might require some effort and we have no time to lose." Getting up I stretched also and sent a grateful smile his way. "Arigato, Hino-san." The older priest answered with one of his own. "Do not thank me, it is my duty as a priest after all. You must promise me something though." I inclined my head a little, motioning for him to go on. "When you find the time, I want all of you up here for a proper cleansing."

(Usagi)

Christmas Eve. Finally. Well, in a few hours it is technically. I had been counting the days… Kami, I think I really need a life. Glancing at the pile of folders on my desk I just shook my head. After the holidays.

I stepped in front of the mirror and gave myself a last, quick once-over. Than it had come to the question of what to wear, the problems had really begun. On this shopping trip yesterday I probably had bought more clothes than in the six years before. The problem was they either were too flashy and uncomfortable for a party with your two best friends alone or too plain for such events.

Ah, the pains of real life, now I knew what I had not missed while playing little depression girl. I accepted my fate finally and after much contemplating settled on something plain, comfortable but not too shallow. A blue blouse and a white-grayish skirt, almost silver. Mamoru always said… had always said I looked good with blue. No, no sad thoughts today. Today was for fun, to relax and just be normal for a little while. Normal with your two friends who are a couple and who you happened to be in love with… Or at least you think to be. Darn! Life was not fair.

I still had no idea what to do though. From the signs they had given off the last days and from the devotion I knew was still there, I had the distinct idea that Minako and Hotaru would gladly let me "join" them. Gah! How cheap was that? Really, I should stop thinking like that. They were together now, I helped them get there. I would not risk it again. Surely not for selfish reasons. And then there was still Mamoru…'s memory. Right? Right.

Why was I so nervous then? I fumbled with the white bow I had put into my hair in an effort to surprise and maybe mock Minako a little. She had after all impersonated me so often in the past, a little payback was long since overdone. However, I was not quite satisfied with what looked back at me and I had only a few minutes before they would be here. Hmm…

The clothes were fine, I already confirmed that. Lipstick was there too. A little makeup, looks just fine so what… Then it hit me suddenly and I recalled yesterday's incident with the dress. It had invoked such a flood of memories I had found it hard to sleep later. The reminder of the broken dream had weighed down on me heavily. I had been right after all. We never had a chance to really let go and leave the past - or was that the future? - behind us. I could have been a Queen by now. But that wouldn't happen anymore. That part of my life was behind me and even though I was not yet ready to accept it, I could at least try to get used to it.

Reaching up determinedly I unclasped the bindings of my odangos and let the hair fall free down my back. Next I took the brush and soothed the golden mane that even Minako said she envied me for. Cutting the hair wouldn't be any good. It was naturally that way to enable the royal hairstyle. But what good was a royal hairstyle without being royal anymore? Not much, I suppose. Besides, I really wanted to change something drastically, just to show myself that I was serious about trying to come to terms with the past and making my own future now.

So, cutting was out of the question. What to do? Ah ha. I braided my hair into a loose pigtail and took a red band to bind it together for the moment. Once again taking the bow I attached it just above the newly acquired pigtail and looked back into the mirror. Perfect. I nodded satisfied and turned away, heading out of the door and down the stairs.

As I made my way down and past the kitchen I believe I drew quite some attention. Okaasan had been in the process of preparing Christmas dinner for the rest of the family but the sound of a spoon hitting the ground was a sure sign that she had seen me. That and my new look. "Usagi-chan!" Yup, as I had expected. Okaasan was standing there in the doorframe and looking at me wide-eyed for a few moments.

I could not help but giggle and twirl around a little. "You like?" Stepping up to me my mother gave me this critical look you often get from parents. Usually it's kind of unnerving, especially when you're already twenty-four but this time I didn't mind.

After a long, critical examination, she simply nodded. "You look good Usagi-chan. But from this getup you'd think you go on a date and not a party with your friends. You certainly could turn the heads of some men like this." I blushed a little. However, I suppose the flinch was more evident, it just hit too close to where my actual thoughts about this were centered around.

"Usagi, I…" I held up my hand, forestalling the apology. Okaasan probably thought she had triggered some thoughts about Mamoru. "It's alright. I just wanted to look nice for some reason and do something… different. I promise you we talk about this but…" I stiffened a little as my mother's arms went around me before relaxing into an actual comforting embrace which was the closest in the touch department these days I had come with anyone except Minako and Hotaru. "I'll be there when you are ready. I'm just worried about you. I… Not knowing what…" I briefly stood on my toes and gave her a brief peck on the cheek. "Arigato."

The spell was suddenly broken when Otousan and Shingo poked their heads around the corner, roused by the commotion. Shingo's jaw definitely hit the ground than he caught sight of my new hairstyle. While they younger man was simply rendered speechless, Otousan babbled something unintelligible, most likely lapsing back into his old routine of reacting to changes in my life. Which consisted of him thinking I was still twelve or something. Not that I had done much to uphold the picture of a grown adult lately.

Before they could say anything, the doorbell rang. Actually I was not that surprised as the rest of the family since I had sensed Minako's energy for some minutes already. "That must be my ride then," I announced, beginning to move to the front door. While discussing where to have the party, Hotaru had suggested the use of a house just outside town that actually had belonged to Haruka and Michiru once. The contracts were all on them and technically she was the owner now. The house was near the cost line, not too far from here but from what Hotaru had said pretty secluded. Which actually was a good thing. I wanted this Christmas to be just with my friends. Nothing or nobody else bothering us.

Composing myself I suddenly got a wicked grin on my face. I knew that Minako was standing just outside the door and she probably knew that I was here too, so… Yanking open the door, I put a huge, cheerful grin on my face and flopped the irate pigtail back over my shoulder for effect. "Hi, Minako-chan! How do I look?" The blonde nearly fell backwards on her butt - which really would be a shame to that tight driver suit she was wearing… Ack, get a grip, girl!

My friend sputtered, muttering something incoherently. "Kami," she finally breathed and swatted my arm playfully. "You really know how to blow someone off their feet. Literally." I refrained from chuckling as she studied me quietly. I just remembered that time when Minako had come by after Endymion's kidnapping to take me to that salon. She had said that I would look good with a pony- or pigtail.

Finishing her observation, Minako clapped her hands together and smiled. "You look great, Usagi. Not as good as I would look with a pigtail though." Grabbing my coat I quickly pulled it over and sent her a cocky look while passing. "Yeah sure. Do you want to bet?" She just laughed and waved to Okaasan who was wishing us a good time just now. "We let Hotaru decide?"

"No fair!" I protested as we went up to her motorcycle. I could not help myself but I already felt a lot better about this. The insecurity of what to do about my two friends and my shady feelings was still there but just a few moments with Minako had already made me relax. To a degree it even felt like old times. Some gentle teasing, laughing and just having a good time. Even if that time would be short-lived. Whatever might happen over the holidays, I was a little bit less scared or nervous about it now. I decided to just let "it" happen, whatever "it" may be.

The only drawback, I thought with some bitterness, was that it was only us. None of the others would be there. They never would be anymore. It was just us three now and somehow we had to deal with it. After Christmas of course. This was a time for good memories. The Kami knows we had to little of them in the last years.

Setting down another candle I finished with the outer layer and moved to the middle. This is actually easy, I mused. The instructions Hotaru had given me were precise and I found myself remembering part of my lessons as Venus about rituals and the like. I never really listened much, the only one interested was Mars of course. Still setting up the requirements became easier with the extra memory set.

I briefly paused in my actions, wondering if everything had went well with Hotaru and Rei's grandfather. I really had wanted to go with her but also acknowledged her reasoning that someone had to "set the stage". It must be difficult for her, remembering alone but relating everything again as well, including those memories that she hadn't even shared with me in detail… I knew Usagi had caught glimpses of the ordeal. Troubling the other blonde with asking though was something I could not bring myself to do. Quite frankly, maybe I was better of not knowing.

The thing was, it was hard to handle. I was holding up as good as I could trying to support both girls. Hotaru needed it as much as Usagi did, her wounds had been reopened after such a long time and while Usagi quickly had Hotaru to help her she couldn't just give it back. Her efforts were focused on getting her own life back in order and deal with the crime done to her. That left my girlfriend to me as it well should be. However, I couldn't help but feeling helpless at times. I could deal with her sexual urges that became more frequent now that she had opened up to us. As an expert in the scene for years there was next to nothing I hadn't seen before.

It scared me though that I was not able to properly understand and help her deal. I never had a similar experience and that left me often at a loss of what to do with her. Mood swings were just the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes I spent hours watching over her restless sleep as her body shook and she wept silently from a nightmare that I could very well imagine what it was about. That was harder than dealing with Usagi's depression, I had at least understood the cause.

Hotaru had told me after the intermezzo with Usagi that we needed to be "beside her" and that she wouldn't need someone to sit next to her all the time holding her hand. And I had understood that but doing the same for Hotaru was difficult with the additional emotional attachment involved - and lately I was slipping into the same mindset with Usagi. That little fact wasn't helping me either to concentrate on my current girlfriend. I should be concentrating on her, supporting her and not being torn between the two. Hotaru didn't seem to mind though. I was still deciding what was worse to bear.

Finished with lighting the last candle, I stood up and stepped out of the circle, giving the pentagram a critical glance. There were a few herbs there too, as well as some "ritual oil" or something like that carefully scattered in between the outer pieces. All in all it looked fine. Felt fine too. "What do you say, Hotaru-chan? Satisfied?" Of course I had sensed her coming from afar already. It wasn't that difficult anymore, especially with that new level of a Senshi bond between us.

A set of slender arms encircled my waist and I felt her head resting on my left shoulder. "Mmh, you can confirm that yourself." I reached out with a hand to play with her hair for a moment before turning around. Hotaru took me a little by surprise when I suddenly felt myself on the receiving end of a rare, tender kiss. That kind had been really hard to get the last few days. She pulled pack slightly and I threatened to crumble at the look in her eyes. So adoring, utterly peaceful and loving. I knew it had to be an effect of the purification but that didn't lessen the impact of the next words. "I love you."

Said with such a honesty, I felt my knees going weak, it took me a long time to respond. Finally I simply drew her in for another kiss, this one a lot more desperate. And suddenly it was me who needed her. Not here though. And sadly not now. I had to get Usagi in a bit.

Reluctantly I let her go. Hotaru had her eyes closed and a peaceful smile on her face. Indulging in the sight for a moment longer, wondering silently how long it would hold and how long it would take to get her there on her own, I guided the slightly smaller woman out of the room.

The house… House, pah! Mansion was a better word! It was really spacious. Not overly huge in terms of size but with wide rooms and long halls that made you feel more free than out of place. The atmosphere was just right, especially for Christmas. There was a music room with a piano and an art room that spoke volumes of the house's previous owners.

There were several bedrooms on the upper level that could be used… More than we would need of course. But this locations, Hotaru had explained to me, were meant mainly for emergency situations. And you should be prepared for everything after all. Everything had been well tended to when we arrived which put me off a little bit more. Such mechanics were a little creepy in my opinion. Even more creepy was the fact that I could actually see the Outers - especially Pluto - planning ahead for the possibility that they weren't around anymore.

"Honestly now," I said after some time sitting down in a comfortable armchair, Hotaru in my lap. "How do you feel?" Her face scrunched up a little, for a moment deep in thought, before slowly forming a response. "It's… Weird. For some reason it's weird. I feel so good and pure although a part of me tells me I shouldn't be. And I really shouldn't be. He… he made me see all those horrible things again, made me… made me EXPERIENCE them again. Still… I feel much better now. Now, it isn't so bad all of a sudden. It wasn't my fault and not my failure either… I think. It was just… THEY were just evil. If I let the memories dominate me they truly have won in the end."

She shook her head slightly as if clearing her mind. "It's not all gone, the feelings are still there, the urges too, but they are more… silent. I wish it would hold, I really do. But, he said it was only for a few days. We could all come back though to have a proper cleansing." I could see she really wanted that.

Kissing her on the cheek I played with a strand of black hair. "Who would have thought the old pervert would actually be good for something," I smiled at her and she giggled slightly. "He is really good at this. You see everything with different eyes afterwards. I… I cannot say I'm completely healed like: 'Woosh, that's it! I'm cured' but…"

I put a finger to her lips, enjoying the sparkle in her deep, purple eyes as she responded to my intense stare. "I love your eyes." I actually got her to blush with that one, something I hadn't been able to do since High School. I really had to thank Hino-san. This purification thing really had done wonders to her composure. She reached out and drew a fingertip around my left eye. "And I like yours."

The seconds ticked by and turned to minutes, none of us daring to break the spell. I had caught her hands in mine and our foreheads were touching, noses almost following the example and blue locked on purple eyes. I knew how utterly cliché this is but the house could have been erupting in flames around us and we wouldn't have noticed.

After a long time I finally remembered that I really had to go and get Usagi. I wasn't that much of a fast driver as Haruka had been and the distance to cover was not actually lightly. So, on the one side where was the urge to get our Princess up here as promised and on the other side there was continuing this picture perfect moment. Tough choice. I felt a little bit bold right now, fueled by Hotaru's refreshing openness. Leaning forward without warning, I put to use every bit of experience of being Venus - both the Senshi and the pseudonym - and managed to sneak my tongue between Hotaru's teeth and frenching her before she could even register what was happening. A surprised squeal was muffled by the instinct to kiss back and after another long moment, I pulled back to smile at her.

She shot me undignified look and hmphed. Ah, pouty we are now, hmm? "Minako! You are a meanie!" The giggle somewhat disrupted the image of looking cross. I simply continued smiling. "If you say so. Would you excuse me now, dear, I still have a friend to get up here." She tries another pout, grasping my hands tightly. "Meanie." Oh yes, I think I liked a newly purified Hotaru.

Laughing I gave her another peck on the lips and then gently sat her down on her feet. "Watch what you are saying. Or do you want to sleep alone tonight?" Chances were good that she would be far from alone this night but I was hesitant to bring this up, fearing to disrupt the good mood. Both of us knew somewhat how the other felt and that we just wanted to let "it" happen, when- or whatever. Of course, you can only hold yourself true to not bringing a topic up if the other party applies to the rules. "I ask Usagi then."

I think I really must have looked funny that moment. For a moment frozen in half-movement towards the door, I suddenly spun around wide-eyed. Hotaru burst out into giggles and I frowned. She was taking this rather casually. And I do not believe that this particular issue was part of the purification. How can you purify positive emotions anyway?

I huffed and turned away again, tossing my reply over the shoulder while leaving the room. "I ask her first." Kami, that weekend could really be fun. And I SO looked forward to have some fun. It had been so long after all.

Chapter 8: Healing

(Usagi)

"Oh, it is so pretty, Mina-chan, arigato gozaimasu!" I flung myself at my friend before she could even prepare for the impact and gave her a bear huge and at an afterthought a quick kiss… on the cheek of course. Girlfriend present after all. Wouldn't be good otherwise. Even then I have the impression that Hotaru-chan wouldn't mind. Especially seeing as said woman was giggling insanely at Minako's stupefied expression.

I had gotten used to it by now. Ever since we arrived here late afternoon, she had been like that. Minako had warned me of this but I hadn't quite believed her. She was so… carefree. It was scary. But a pleasant kind of scary and it became refreshing after awhile. This new mood was so much like the Hotaru of the old days and strangely that made me feel more at ease instead of nostalgic.

I sat the little statue on the table and stared at it for awhile. I was getting a little bit nostalgic now but that was okay. Mako-chan would have loved it. The features were really detailed and you could see that the artist worked on it with a passion. Completely made of ice with a thin layer of… something - to prevent it from melting I suppose - the figures of Miisha and Janerin, the former gold medal winners at ice skating were beautifully carved and sparkled in the candlelight of the room.

"I really don't know what to say. That must have been expensive." And we had agreed not to go to great lengths for gifts. Heh, as if that ever works. Granted, we were not rich but money wasn't really an issue at the moment. Hotaru might be the only one who could be described as the former. Not that she was bragging with it of course.

I hadn't been very reserved with my gifts either. Hotaru's delight had warmed my heart. After our encounter a few days ago, I had gotten that picture copied in pocket format and put into a pink heart locket with a silver chain. It was now hanging around the raven-haired girl's neck. Minako's gift was a little harder to obtain. First I did not quite know what to get her but Hotaru had helped there and provided me with the necessary idea. The next problem was that the price even for our financial situation hadn't been easy. Hotaru had lent me a little bit since she didn't have anything commercial for Minako. They had obviously agreed that the best present for them this year was their love. How sweet.

Anyway, we had finally obtained the item in question and now Minako was the proud owner of a very rare and unique panpipe. Hotaru had mentioned that before the incident, when the other blonde still had her career plans set on being a teenie star, she had taken some instrumental courses and sometimes practiced on a similar flute when she had been over at the Outers' estate…s. None of us ever heard her play except Hotaru and I could tell it must have been lovely. She hadn't touched it until now though. Treated it with almost royal respect.

"Well, let's hope it doesn't turn into a Youma or is a part of a million years old comet," Hotaru commented which brought a laugh from all of us at the memory. Hotaru hadn't been present when the Snow Queen was invading Earth but we had told her everything later on. She stood up now and tugged on Minako's hand. "Well, minna. Time for my gift. It's actually for you, Usagi-chan, but it might as well count for everyone here."

Minako had stood up by now and had rushed upstairs for a moment. I admit I was already curious when Hotaru proceeded to lead me through the hallways. We stopped in front of another door and I could feel my senses tingling. Something… incredible pure was in that room. Something old… ancient. A moment later Minako came back with three traditional one-colored robes in hand. One in orange, one in purple and one in blue. It didn't take a genius which one was for whom. After wordlessly donning the clear silk material, Hotaru opened the door and we entered the room.

I stood in the doorway for some minutes probably taking in the sight. The pentagram-organized candles were bathing the room in their light. The smell of the herbs was adding to the mysterious atmosphere the twilight glow was creating. I could feel the power from the circle. Still dormant but waiting, pulsing in expectation of being released soon. And I had the feeling it would really be soon.

"That's… That's beautiful," I breathed. "Demo… what is it for?" Hotaru smiled gently and took one of my hands in hers, the other already joined with Minako's. "You'll see." Carefully Hotaru led us through the room. I was extra cautious not to step on or brush against any of the candles and herbs. The center of the pentagram was bare of any herbs and we had just enough room to stand side by side.

Hotaru knelt down and we followed her lead. Minako obviously knew what was going on but I knew none of them would tell me. It was supposed to be a surprise after all and I trusted my friends. Unconditionally.

"Touch this and transfer a portion of your power on it. Everyone a third." Hotaru had produced a gold coin that looked extremely old out of nowhere. I was a little confused at the request but did as I was told. Soon the coin was shimmering in a light layer of orange-gold, purple and silver. The other girl was folding her hands, coin between them, as if praying… Correction, scratch the "as if". She WAS praying.

"Repeat after me.

Departed souls, departed friends,

heroes fallen and sisters lost.

We step before you as one, to see those we seek!"

Again something was tugging on my senses and soon - even though I still had no idea what was going on - I felt Serenity take over and after the first few lines we were praying truly as one. Hotaru held the coin in front of her. She was kneeling right in the center and the candle before her was probably the closest to it. Slowly the dark-haired girl let go of the coin and it fell… only to stop and hover over the flickering flame of the candle.

"Ferryman Charon, thee we ask, grant us passage!

Take this coin as an offer and let us cross the river Styx,

to where the passed shall go and no living ever journey."

The pentagram was flowing with energy now and I could hear the distant sound of a river. A bell was softly chiming.

"Forgive us the ingression of your realm, oh great Pluto and Persephone.

Calm the beast known as Cerebus and let us safely past,

our motives only sincere they are, can't you see?"

My vision was beginning to blur as I felt my spirit detaching from its physical chains. Were the candles actually glowing in a line of pure white light now?

"We beseech thee, Minos, Aeacus and Rhadamanthus,

hear our honest plea!

They have been wronged and so have we,

our souls bleed from the greatness of the crime.

Bring them forth so that we may find peace!"

My vision was beginning to overflow with a blinding white light and I began to feel incredible light-weighted. However, there still was some resistance. Something holding me… us back from… whatever we were doing.

"By the five elements of life we solicit!

Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, Spirit!

By the five elements of death we demand!

Hate, Oblivion, Misery, Sorrow, Fires of Punishment!

Bring forth the ones being wronged! Bring forth our sisters!"

The energy level sprang up again and through my near-blinded vision I could see the flames of the candles shooting up a few inches.

"Oh Lady of All and Lord of Nothing,

glowing softly in silver, shining brightly in gold;

by this cycle we beseech thy fragments!

Part the veils and open the gate to Elysium Fields,

to the place where heroes go!"

Almost there. I could almost touch the spiritual plane. I doubt I was still connected to my physical body, yet not quite there, where I… we wanted to go. The words should give me some ideas but I didn't really hear them. They were spoken instinctual and I was wrapped up in the incredible experience. I suppose I was in a trance or something. The volume of our chant had increased and was now a near crescendo as we neared the final verse.

"That is all we ask, that is all we wish,

one last time let our hearts be as one!"

On instinct I reached out with both hands they touched with Hotaru and Minako's. The energy was flaring. "NOW!" Hotaru shouted and with another flash of blinding white we were yanked away tumbling into… darkness. A thickly deep void of absolutely… nothing. The best I could come up with was a large sea that stretched out into infinity. The experience was only for a brief moment and still seemed to last for all eternity.

Finally I could feel and see again. The first thing I felt were the supporting hands of my friends and then there was a light in the far distance, approaching quickly. A dull crimson light that was pulsating brightly once in a while. I actually felt a slippery substance around my body. Water? Yes, a stream of some sort. It felt familiar.

*We are on Lethe, the Waters of Forgetting,* I heard Hotaru's voice in my head. Lethe? But then why…? *I suppose it's her way to make amends. Hotaru had some doubts we wouldn't lose something on the way.* That was Minako. The explanation made senses somewhat. Our last encounter had not been pleasant and it was only due to her sister that we survived the encounter with our memories still intact. I still didn't understand what we were doing here. Although I had a pretty good idea now where exactly we were.

"WHO DARES PASS THE REALMS OF THE DEAD AND ENTER THE ISLE OF HEROES!" Ack, that was loud. I could… feel… Hotaru about to answer the booming voice of the unseen speaker but that became unnecessary a second later. "Let them pass." There was something about that voice that I could pick up out of a crowd EVERYWHERE. To often she had used it to surprise us from out of nowhere. My heart was pounding. That couldn't be but yet the voice was unmistakable.

"BUT MILADY, WHAT ABOUT…?" The booming voice interrupted my thoughts. Then she spoke again and that time I could SWEAR that it was her. "Please, lower your voice level. What should our guests think? Let them pass." The tone was still quiet but had the distinct sharpness of an order. The next thing I knew I was somewhere else.

The sudden appearance of colors, shapes and well… everything was too much for my senses to comprehend. I pressed my eyes tightly shut at the sensation. "Gomen about this. Better that way?" My eyes snapped open again against all warnings. The colors were much darker now, shady. The shapes of hills and long fields of grass and flowers looked as if overshadowed by a layer of black and gray and they were not quite… tangible. Altering size and even shape in a matter of seconds.

But before I could get dizzy by it, my focus had already shifted at the figure in front of me. The long, dark hair, the deep violet eyes, with a sparkle of mischief still there, everything was as I remembered. Even the long red robe suited her just fine. The red sigil of Mars was shining like a ruby on her forehead. "Rei," I croaked out, my voice hoarse and the ability to speak suppressed by the emotions smashing down on my heart.

"Who did you expect, Odango Atama? Santa Claus?" That impish smile, that tiny, almost aristocratic huff, the sparkle of mischief in her eyes at our usual banter… I wanted to lurch forward, wrap her in my arms, I in her arms… That wasn't important. I wanted to hug her and never let go, never EVER again. I wanted to, do you hear me? I WANTED TO! Didn't work though. Pah, movies and novels are still fiction after all.

"Gomen. Still bound to the rules here even though we… err, Pluto let you trespass." I could still move, had my hand outstretched, mere inches from touching her. Yet I could not. "You are…" I shook with a sudden fit of giggles but managed to tone it down to somehow sound seriously hurt. "You are… SO MEAN!" And then I let go and exploded in laughter. We both were actually. It was extraordinarily relieving, the laughter was washing away all that pain and the… the… tight, tight ball of dark emotions sitting just underneath the surface. I felt light and happy and… good. Just good. Just so… good.

"Kami, Usagi-chan…" Rei managed after a while of intriguing laughter. Another chuckle followed unbidden. "That was the best laugh I had in… what was it for you? Six years, I think. Time is rather irrelevant here, you know?" I felt my mood dimming again at the reminder of where we were. Where SHE… THEY were. "Rei-chan…" I felt my tongue tightening again and that dark feelings… Control, Usagi! That was hard though. Just being a spirit… soul?… and everything. Rei bend forward a little and held up her finger, almost touching my nose. A little smile was on her face. It was neither strained nor sad. Just a smile. "Don't," she said.

Of course I didn't listen. "Demo… I failed you…" Rei shook her head and I could actually feel a tingly feeling as Rei "poked" me on the nose with her finger. Of course she didn't really touch me but she would have if she could. "Iie, Usagi-chan. WE failed YOU. WE should have protected YOU. And we did but yet we failed. Because we couldn't protect the most important thing. Your happiness and your innocence. Do you blame us for that?" I shook my head vehemently at the ridiculousness of the question. "Of course you don't and we don't blame you… Of course we wouldn't have a reason to do so." I opened my mouth to protest again, I really wanted to. But then, the only thing that came out was said in a very small voice, reluctantly excepting her reasoning. "Okay…"

And I felt good again. Even more now. I felt… FORGIVEN! It did not matter if I felt like I failed them or not. They did not care. They still loved me. And without really saying so had forgiven me. "Arigato," I whispered unable to say more. Rei stepped back and relaxed her posture. "Well then, I'm going to join the others and see how they are doing. Time to leave you two alone after all.

I looked at her confused, a part of me crying out for her that she couldn't go, not so soon. But another, bigger part just felt content that everything had been said and done already. "What do you…?" Rei smiled serenely… Hey, that's my line! "You see. Sayonara… Odango Atama." And with that she was gone. I stared at the place where the miko had been standing for a few more seconds before finally whispering my own goodbye. "Until we meet again."

The… place was silent for a long time. I could hear whispered sounds all around me and all of them felt good. Strong and good. Then another familiar voice. First only a feeling, a sensation I hadn't felt for years, seemed more like a lifetime. Then that strong, masculine voice that always provided me with new hope and strength. "Usako."

I felt tears welling up once again as I turned slowly towards the voice. There! THERE! Wrapped into a glistering aura of gold, clad in full armor, sword fastened on the belt. There HE was! My world. My center. My confidence. My strength. My love. My… "Mamo-chan…"

(Minako)

The real word came rushing back a bit too quickly as I realized to my dismay. My body shook with spasms for a moment when my spirit was yanked back to the mortal realm. A low groan was not to be prevented and I could hear Hotaru besides me suppress a slight gasp. The surroundings were only slowly coming back into focus and I felt more drained than after a good, long fight with several Youma. I didn't count but I guess I needed several minutes to adjust to the real world again.

Finally managing to do more than blinking and trying to clear the cobwebs in my awareness, I was about to stretch. I turned around slowly and froze for a short moment. Usagi was only a blur as she suddenly moved from her position on the other side of my girlfriend to gather her in a fierce huge, head rested on one shoulder and silently weeping. Not tears of pain or grief, I could tell. But tears of joy… relief might be the best word to use here. I could literally feel that the tension dominating our lives for so long in so many ways evaporate. My heart surely felt a few pounds lighter than before.

"Arigato, Hotaru-chan. I cannot say how much that means to me…" Usagi had lifted her head slightly and was now staring in Hotaru's eyes. The raven-haired girl was just sitting there, somewhat perplexed by the intensity of the other blonde. I could have told her to expect this. The movements, the body language everything was much more relaxed now. Gone was the tension and the heart-wrenching guilt written all over her face.

"Arigato gozaimasu," I heard Usagi's whisper again, just a moment before she slightly leaned forward and gave Hotaru a peck on the lips. I mean it was nothing to worry about actually. In any other situation you would have dismissed it as just a friendly kiss, an expression of genuine gratitude and liking. Yet by any means I should feel jealous. All three of us knew that there was something going on and our history with each other was a bit more than platonic. I should feel jealous, just a tiny bit, even if there was actually nothing to worry about. But I didn't.

Instead I just resumed the task of getting some feelings in my tired muscles. It was just a second anyway, barely, and I simply watched with a tiny smile there. It had been Usagi doing it, not one of us.

Hotaru blushed slightly and Usagi looked over her shoulder at me with a question in her eyes that didn't take a genius to figure out. I simply smiled and nodded. The broad smile threatening to split her face was more than enough of a reward to me. Whatever had been said to her privately by Rei and Mamoru made her better. Made her feel much better.

I bent forward, propped up on my knees and gave her a light kiss on the forehead. "Are you feeling better now?" She nodded quietly and rested her head on my chest. I caught Hotaru's eyes and winked at her, mouthing a "good job". My girlfriend just looked content and wrapped her arms around our Princess and foremost our friend… sister as the chant had said. Yes, sisters. That we were. More than that actually.

We sat like this for awhile, wrapped up in each others' arms. The gentle flickering of the candles sending shadows over our faces.

"That was the best present ever," Usagi finally spoke, looking up first at me and then at Hotaru. Her eyes held a look of adoration and gratitude that for some reason made my heart flutter. We definitely would have to do something about this soon. Hotaru cupped Usagi's cheek gently. "It was my pleasure, Usagi-chan. And I think we all needed this." She sought out my eyes again. "Definitely," I replied, expressing my own gratitude by leaning over and drawing her in for a short but heated kiss.

When we separated, Usagi had already untangled herself from in between us and had stood up. Giving us a warm smile, she declared. "Well, I don't know how you are feeling but this thing made me hungry." I looked at Hotaru and we both broke out into laughter. Yep, beyond any doubt. Usagi. A bit more of the Usagi at least that we had cherished and loved so much before our lives came crashing down in a downward spiral. Pushing myself up, I helped Hotaru do likewise. "That," I said, "can be dealt with."

An hour later or so, the sun had long since set, and some snow was falling outside. After the ceremony, we had quickly gone to still our hunger. The meal had been nothing special. None of us was really taking Christmas as it was actually supposed to be. What counted more for us was the hidden meaning and the get-together of family. Our family, even if only us three remained...

I expected to feel a slight pang at this, however, now there was just a tiny bit of nostalgia. Hotaru had been totally right with her assumption that we all had needed this as had Usagi been at the mall. I had never allowed myself to feel the loss of my friends and teammates, had not allowed myself to think about my own failure. They had been my responsible too and quite frankly it should be me to feel guilty for their deaths. I had been the leader but had only taken this mantle again shortly after Galaxia when the Outers had begun to regularly join us. By then it was much to late and the structure already established. The Princess should not have all this responsibility upon her shoulders. The burden was already far too heavy, leadership could have been something that I SHOULD have taken from her. If only I had remembered my position earlier.

After that dreadful day I had indulged myself in the task of keeping us together, redirecting this responsibility and strengthen it to the point there it became almost painful. I had taken a job that was more than questionable in order to be there for Usagi and Hotaru as best as possible. I could have done a lot more. My name was already on the list of several agents. But... Most of it required sacrificing a lot of time and most likely moving around. I could not afford that. Not if I wanted to be there.

Yes, we had all profited from being able to say our goodbye. I knew now that they were alright. All were happy where they were now. I could not quite describe what I felt at seeing them again but if not for that dumb rules it surely would have ended in a sappy hugging feast. They had all been there, even Rei joined us later and Setsuna had hung back a little. Ami and Makoto were obviously an item now. The funny thing was all of them had not lost any of their memories. And then I say any, I mean ANY. It seemed that our efforts were not totally in vain after all.

Something that Haruka had said had struck me the most. I should stop thinking so much like a Senshi and a leader. There were only three of us left and no real team to lead. Usagi and Hotaru were my equals. It didn't require me to take all the responsibility. I should think more about acting like myself, like Aino Minako and not Sailorvenus. There was not that much use anymore for Venus. And had a hidden part of us not always wanted to lead a normal life?

Of course the price was much too high for that but what good would it do mourn about something that couldn't be changed forever? Nothing at all. It was that typical bluntness that had made Haruka always so incredible charming but the honesty behind her words were quite evident. Maybe I really had pushed a little bit too much, trying to come about as the big sister of mother figure that I simply could not be instead of being the friend Usagi and especially Hotaru needed. A friend would have given them more space and not always tried to tell them what was best. Okay, i had not been that bad but often I was not very close to the term of supportive as well. And that lead me into trouble more than once, hence the party a few days ago.

A very particular meeting was even more present in my mind. I had taken a brief detour before joining Hotaru and the others. Not that I had planned on it but he had been the person that was foremost in my mind the moment Hotaru had told me what she planned to do. I missed my old friend and partner terribly and hadn't even noticed it...

After realizing that a few hours before that I had chided myself for that forgetfulness. That preoccupied with taking up responsibilities I had totally ignored that short stab of pain every morning when I woke up alone. Not because I wanted someone there, that I could have had if I wanted to. No, I simply missed him there, curled atop of my blanket, snoring slightly...

Artemis had always been there as long as I could remember. From the first moment of awaking to my destiny and even further before that. In the Silver Millennium we had been partners too. And I had just forgotten... No, ignored the pain of his loss. As much as I valued my "sisters", he was as close to me as a brother as possible. We had shared so much. Maybe it had been my bit of shutting out what had happened. I didn't want to accept it.

I still remembered the day though. It had almost cost me my life when I saw him being ripped apart. My focus had slipped for a moment and had it not been for Saturn and his piercing stare, that last intense gaze that reminded me that I still had a duty to perform and that this duty would come before anything else, that made me go on. Maybe it had even been this quick exchange that had made me redouble my efforts after the battle. Subordinating everything to the "mission". I had lived in an illusion and never really realized that.

When I mentioned that Artemis had just laughed in his usual manner, a little arrogant and macho that was more trying to appear cool than actually being. "You are exaggerating," he had said. I had done a fine job of holding the rest of us together but maybe it was now time to start thinking about myself again a little more. I had protested of course... Funny thing, actually. Usually in the past this discussion would have gone the other way round. It was only after Haruka had reinforced his statement later that I began to believe it. Maybe it was really time to loosen up a little.

I picked up the plate of cookies and smiled to myself. Dinner had been silent, a peaceful and relishing kind of silence. All of us had still been thinking about the encounters I think but there was nothing of the sad mood present that even in the last days was always present somewhere in the back. Now it was time for some sweats and a nice evening. We had some movies here - an exquisite and rather up-to-date collection if I dared say so. And I dared...

Usagi had already expressed her delight about the collection and as I saw it we would probably be stuck with romantic movies the whole evening... Not that I minded though. Some of the English stuff was actually quite good and even Usagi's grasp on the language was good enough by now that it disposed of any problems there.

Anyway, I was just back on my way to the living room area and as luck would have had it, that was the moment IT was happening. I have to say that the luck factor was a lot like describing myself since I was responsible for initiating a lot of the following encounter. Still I could safely say that I was not totally responsible... Not that I would have minded seeing as the outcome was one that could not be begrudged.

Hotaru had apparently been to the bathroom or something and Usagi was just coming down the hallway looking for us. She had been becoming hungry again, the other blonde had later explained with a smile, and wanted to look what was taking me so long with the cookies. Be it as it was, the two met in the foyer at the front door, more by accident than anything of course. Or as I mentioned earlier, as luck would have it.

Usagi wasn't really looking when she rounded the corner and had nearly run Hotaru over had my girlfriend not quickly caught and steadied her. They almost fell over but managed to stay upright which - apparently - brought them rather close together. I was coming from another hallway - after all this mansion was HUGE - and stopped at seeing their faces inches apart, both unmoving and not showing any intention of moving anytime soon. I sat down the tray and quietly leaned against the wall of the entrance to the foyer, watching.

You can deny the existence of "magical moments" all you want but I already had my fair share of those lately and this was definitely one of them. Once again I asked myself why I didn't feel jealous, why I wasn't interrupting this moment that could be dangerous to my relationship with Hotaru. The answer I came up with was simple, so surprisingly simple I would have gasped if I wasn't refraining from making any kind of sound. It was not endangering my relationship.

For whatever reason ever, Usagi had become more to me than a best friend, a princess and so many more things I cherished her for. Those nightly encounters were labeled "favors" but as much as this was true, hadn't there been some kind of illusion in this term as well?

Yes, I had loved Hotaru then - still did and ever would - but Usagi hadn't been a replacement and for some reason I was sure I wasn't just a replacement for Mamoru either. There was a genuine affection between all of us Senshi and especially us Senshi towards our Princess and friend. An affection that easily could turn into love. Maybe I just had not let myself realize that. Maybe I was as much denying myself the pleasure of happiness as Usagi had been. And Usagi... Her heart was big enough to swallow the whole world if she wanted to. Surely there was enough space beside Mamoru. And I would never want to take away that memory anyway. That was why I didn't feel threatened by this, I... WANTED it to happen. Wow.

It was a love born out of desperation, we all had kind of latched onto the only thing still present. Our hearts had joined that moment after watching our friends being slaughtered. It was a dark kind of joining but a genuine one nevertheless. Something had been formed between us and had eventually drawn us back together. This, the scene in front of me, it had to happen. I knew that with an absolute clarity. This was meant to happen, our new and most likely last chance at happiness. This way none of us would be left out.

Sadly the other two weren't quite complying. The moment apparently broken by some comment from Usagi, they were about to pull away. I reacted on instinct alone. My gaze swept upwards and surely there it was. The very thing that had become kind of a symbol for dramatic moments in the last days. I had put it there, right over the entrance on a whim before setting up the ritual. Until now, I had not really known why. After the party fiasco I had sworn myself to never have one of those put up, not if I could help it at least.

Just as the two women were about to let go of each other, I cleared my throat, making both of them freeze and slowly look around. At least they didn't jump. I pointed upwards with a mischievous smile and with a wink called out: "Mistletoe!"

Maybe, just maybe it hadn't been so bad after all that I had gone to THAT party.

Safely I could say that this Christmas was the best of my life so far. And that from someone who had said that Christmas in Japan was a hoax that ignored the actual meaning. Okay, I admit, the example of a party thrown by a bunch of… I will not go there since my girlfriend was one of them not so long ago and as I said, maybe it wasn't so bad after all. The outcome I mean, not the party. The party was bad and… err, am I rambling? Kami, you cannot blame me for feeling a little lightheaded after the purification ceremony and the ritual later on. Not to forget THAT moment.

"And there you thought I would have learned by now how to be not that clumsy." That comment from Usagi had effectually broken the spell that we had found ourselves in. It was really pure coincidence that we had met there but the emotions that had suddenly taken supreme control were as clear as the blue sky. We had this moments once in awhile but never that intense, not that clear. And for a brief instant I had actually considered just letting go. I was about to lean forward and just do what my heart told me to do, not even wasting a thought about the possible consequences. Minako wouldn't hold me against it, she understood perfectly well, right?

Perhaps it was better that Usagi spoke up when she did. Or so I had thought at that moment. Though a part of me was disappointed at the wasted opportunity I still wasn't too sure about all of this. And that evening had went so well until then, how could I have jeopardized that.

So I was about to let go with a chuckle. "Yeah, someone could think you are fourteen again." Usagi simply smiled, still none of us had let go. "Chibiusa had almost nine hundred years to grow up." I would have laughed at that if it hadn't seemed so inappropriate for the moment, so I settled for a broad smile. The comment did the trick though and I was about to really pull back… Of course that was when Minako decided to play Cupid or… whatever.

Déjà vu moments are something rare. I think everyone knows that. But that one. Phew, understatement much? I had frozen at the mentioning of what could very well be described as our personal Yin Yang. Good and bad had come out of this damnable thing and I could just not make my mind up if I loved or totally despised of it. At that moment when I slowly looked up in unison with Usagi, I tended more to the latter. My grip had tightened around the other girl's waist. Sure enough there was a mistletoe hanging right over our heads and I had not put it there.

It took a few seconds but our eyes finally met again and my breath surely must have been caught in my throat. I am not a very emotional person, not very poetic either. But I think this was when realization finally hit me. I needed to do this, it was driving me crazy the more I thought about and avoided it… whatever it was. Somehow this was meant to happen.

Yet I was still scared, a part of me screamed at me that I would ultimately shatter everything I had accomplished over the space of the last days. I would lose Usagi's friendship and the girl would surely lose even more, trust would be broken. I would lose Minako, she would never forgive me for this betrayal, right in front of her eyes. The fact that she just now had initiated this herself didn't matter at all. And Usagi was scared too, I could read it clearly in her eyes, the tension had returned unbidden and both of us were torn between the need to follow our impulses and the fear of the consequences.

Once again it had been Minako who had moved over to us without any of us noticing. I was so caught up in the moment that I nearly shrieked as I felt one arm slip around my shoulders and seeing another around Usagi's. It was just a gentle nudge but enough for both us to lean closer a little. Enough for the little distance remaining to be overcome and our lips caress. Just a caress. For an endless moment nothing more than that. Then instincts took over and I pulled my Princess and friend closer. Whatever wall had been preventing me from following my instincts was torn down by Minako's open encouragement to go ahead.

Those tiny gestures of trust and immediate understanding what the other wanted and felt, that is what I cherished the most. I did not feel any jealousy or such a thing from my girlfriend. Far from that. Suddenly there was a feeling of peace sinking down like a gentle blanket. I deepened the kiss and Usagi responded in surrender, a low moan rising from her throat.

Still, it was not really complete. Something was missing, a tiny but important bit… We finally parted, air becoming a serious issue. Recovery was not granted though. I had wanted to say something, anything but found myself unable to do, as Minako leaned over and captured a surprised Usagi's lips with her own. The exchange was a lot briefer but no less genuine and I simply watched.

What was happening here was fleeing repeatedly from my grasp. This could not be described as anything simply romantic or magical or whatever you wanted to use. I could feel the missing pieces come together and instead of jealousy I relished in the sight of the now open display of love between my… girlfriends. It was so… I don't know, fulfilling seeing them like this. It made me feel good and that was the part I couldn't grasp. How could I feel good at my current girlfriend kissing my one-time and probably once again lover… This was just too bizarre to figure out and so I simply did not.

Usagi opened her mouth to speak but Minako had put a finger on her lips, gently teasing. "Shh, don't ruin it." Minako leaned over to softly kiss me too and this time I did not hesitate to follow the impulse. Bathing in the reassuring display of love from the blonde I pulled my other friend in with one arm still around her waist. Usagi gave a surprise yelp and the following procedure was a little hard to do. We managed though. Instinctively we knew how to position ourselves for this somewhat awkward three-way kiss but it worked.

It all fell away.

All the doubt, the fear, the pain, the grief of the last years fell away, replaced by an incredible feeling of belonging that I never wanted to let go of again. I swore to myself that moment that I never wanted to let it go again. This was where I belonged, where I was meant to be. Maybe once, before all this, it had been different. Perhaps then it had just been Minako that I needed, wanted. Not anymore. I needed them both, like fire and water. I could not go on without either.

The emotions invoked were so strong it would have knocked me off my feet, all of us actually, if we hadn't been so entangled. Arms tightly around each other, lips still touching in a funny angle that I was sure was something to snap a picture of, I allowed myself to softly sigh into the contact and felt it echoed immediately. I was sure there was some sort of energy around us from the intensity of it all and could anyone have seen us… Nobody could see us. And that was a good thing because that moment was for us and us alone.

As we finally parted I almost whimpered at the loss of contact, the warmth a little less, a little coldness creeping into my body again… But the solution was only a few inches away. Just a short distance and it would be complete again, the warmth would be there again, enveloping us…

Apparently I hadn't been the only one thinking along such lines and whatever had taken control of us was responding. This time the kiss was a lot less awkward, felt just… right. I had closed my eyes and enjoyed the caress of lips. Carefully I snaked my tongue out between my teeth and found two others already waiting. The contact sent an electric shock akin to a few thousand volt through all of us. The wave sweeping from one end of the triangle connection to another, only stopping when it became too much and we had to pull away again.

This time I felt a lot more content, just having the other two women so close. It was enough this time. Our foreheads fell forward to rest on each others' shoulders. Mine on Minako's, Usagi's on mine and Minako's on Usagi's. We stood there like that for a long time, neither noticing nor caring that it was getting kind of cold out here. We had each other and that was all the warmth we needed.

"Wow," Usagi had finally muttered. I expected some kind of question, reassuring that it was okay, that none of us regretted giving in right there. I could not blame her that it didn't come. Nobody could have doubted the sincerity of our connection after that intensity. If I concentrated hard enough I could feel the echoes of Usagi and Minako's thoughts…

"Yeah," I managed to croak out. "Wow." Then I lifted my head slight from Minako's shoulder and looked at her suspiciously. "That was your idea, wasn't it? Hanging that thing up there?" The blonde smiled sweetly. "Whatever do you mean? I have no idea where it came from." Playfully I poked her in the side and Usagi did the same, the other blonde - hell, that going to be confusing, those two could pass as twins at times - giggled. "Maybe we should move someday or we are stuck here for the whole evening."

"Hm," I purred, briefly looking up at the lone mistletoe above us. "I don't think I can." Minako nodded. "Me neither." And with that we leaned in for another exchange of short kisses. I trailed a finger along Minako's cheek. "You realize that you got us into this, right? And if we can't move here we can't get to sleep at all." Usagi looked confused at Minako's yelp of "eep" and the blush that quickly turned scarlet. "Private joke," I said to her and sent her an image of Minako's departure a few hours ago.

She broke out into hysterical laughter which finally managed to break the spell enough for us to move. "You guys are unbelievable!" she declared but still slipped an arm around both of us and dragged us back into the living room.

People say that triads as they are often called never work out in the end. That is pure feeble-minded thinking. The trust and openness between us is testament enough and even though we are just standing at the threshold to this new relationship I can already say that a lack of trust will not become an issue. Oh I can safely agree that reaching this point is hard work. If you have mastered the barrier once though, the reward is incredible. Even as I am writing this down I can still hardly believe that those two incredible women, a princess and the Senshi's leader no less, want to be with me, share their love with me. Me of all people. But I will not doubt it any longer. I am content with where we are right now and that is the only important thing.

So, sure a triad is a tough thing to accomplish and if you rush into it I can imagine how quickly it could fall apart because of missing trust and jealousy. However, we don't have this. Of course, the next days will show how the mechanics will work, this is new ground for all of us after all. On the other side I can not think of a time where I ever have felt that completed and if I feel like this, I am sure they do as well.

It is nearing midnight… No, wait it is already past that, ugh… I'm lying here on the big couch, Minako on the other side and Usagi curled up between us and I think that life is now really looking up again. The last hours resolved so many things. I am no fool. I know how much the events of the last days, even the painful ones contributed to this outcome. Now though, after such a long time we have finally found our peace again. The memory of our friends would forever stay with us but we have finally managed to regain control of our lives again and put the past behind us. Together we can look forward again without the sorrow always clouding and determining our actions. Having the two women so close makes me smile every time I look up and study one or both of them.

And with that I'm better closing this entry. We really should get to bed. Only sleeping though. We all are feeling rather drained after the ceremony and the emotional turmoil. I would love to explore this new possibilities but seeing as the other two are already dozing peacefully and none of us has paid that much attention to the latest movie, sleep was probably the best thing now. We had time anyway, the whole next week if we wanted to. None of us had any better to do.

I am in love now, with two incredible women and I can barely grasp it. But it's a good thing. The best thing that ever happened to me. Maybe, maybe the concept isn't so hollow after all and maybe the world will look a little brighter tomorrow. One thing is for sure, the three of us would stay together. That is there we belong now. Every obstacle will be mastered together. Hopefully this time that happiness will last.

Hotaru

I put away the diary and untangled myself from the other two women, but not before placing a soft kiss on both their foreheads. Usagi mumbled a little in her sleep at the loss of warmth from one side and snuggled a little closer to Minako. Her new look was still needing some getting used to. But she looked cute with that braid.

They were sleeping peacefully now. Even Usagi, I could tell. Perhaps tonight the nightmares would finally not haunt me anymore as well. I had found my happiness, more than I had ever thought to receive or deserve. Six years ago I had felt so cheap and violated. And lonely, I had felt impossible lonely. I think I understood now why. I had taken the wrong way, choosing to stay away from my friends than I should have gone to them with my problems and my pain. We all had in a way. Even though Usagi and Minako had taken comfort in each other, in a way they had been shied away from each other as well. There it mattered they had closed off their hearts.

All that did not matter right now, it did not matter anymore. "You shape your own futures now", Pluto had said to me during our visit in the Elysium Fields. "The Princess asked me once if the future was set in stone. It is not. It never has been. There's nothing right or wrong with this future. It is what you make out of your lives, your present that has always determined the flow of time and the future that will come." Perhaps that had been a part of our problem. We had lived in the past a little too much. Maybe we had lost sight of the present and that is why the future we had worked so hard for did not come. Maybe that had been the price.

Whether that was true or not, we - Usagi, Minako and I - had left our past behind today. It would not be gone from our memories and the memories would always be treasured, old feelings and hardship could and would come back to haunt us. As long as we had each other, however, I was sure that we would make it through anything life throws at us. After having endured so much, how could we not?

I had watched the snow outside falling while my thoughts wandered. It hadn't stopped since Minako came back with Usagi and that was a long time ago. The blanket of white was already thickening and tomorrow the sight would surely been delightful. Yes, it would be a great holiday, I decided.

I was about to turn back towards the sleeping women when I looked down and realized that there was another lone mistletoe lying on the windowsill. For a moment I stared at the thing, then smiled and returned to the couch. Next to it stood our little Christmas Tree that was not oversized, tiny actually compared to the size of the mansion but lovely nonetheless. Fastening the mistletoe around a branch that hang over the two blondes, I slipped back next to Usagi and snuggled up to them. I think I loved them after all, those mistletoes.

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain
And I live once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Yes you can)
You will make it through the rain

("Through The Rain", Mariah Carey)

THE END

Started: Tuesday, November 26, 2002 10:51:00

Finished Raw Version: Sunday, December 22, 2002 18:43:42

Finished Alpha Version: Monday, December 23, 2002 14:47:49

(give or take a few seconds/minutes)

Final Notes

Phew, I. Am. Finished. *pant* Wow…

Honestly now, THAT was the quickest "longer" fic I have ever written, nearly seventy-five pages (Arial, 12 pt) in under a month! Wow. And now I'm finally finished and it feels good to be so. Really. I have so many fics I like to have finished but can't because I have so many… Does that even make sense? Anyway, I finished it and I'm glad about it.

What started out as my simple, usual Christmas story I had been doing the last two years now (until now only in my native language, being German), I became quickly enthralled with the darker nature because I hadn't done anything quite like that before. Some came close but never like this. It fascinated me and the plot managed to somehow evolve on its own, evolve in a monster that I had a hard time controlling but that Maia seemed to have LOVED for all it was worth. Maia is my muse by the way…

So I couldn't stop and before I realized it pages after pages were written and it became longer and longer with the end always drawn out a little more. Just around the corner but never quite in reachable distance.

I'm sure you don't even want to hear that.

The general darkness of the fic was intended. However, the intensity and the sometimes morbid-fascinating way of expressing it was a sole origin of the swirling set of ideas that Maia popped into my head. *glares at muse* I did not mean to offend anyone and I think that I can safely say with the rating and the numerous warnings in the header, nobody can accuse me of leading you on, giving you the false pretense that this was only mildly dark. So no flames about this please, ok? *smiles sweetly*

The ritual is my own creation, based on information about the Greek Mythology of Hades. That was provided by the Encyplopedia. (http://www.slider.com/enc/index.htm)

Miisha and Janerin were the ice-skating couple that had shown in up in Season One of BSSM.

Since I'm sure after such a long read you don't want to listen to all my insane rambling, I'm trying to cut this as short as possible and simple give credit. Because like they say: Honor to whom honor is due. And I realized while writing this story that there were quite a few authors whose work had a striking influence on this one.

Foremost there is Mad-Hamlet (Buffy/Willow author) and his magnificent series of Prisms, Forge, Feather Roads and Sundowning. His POV style is splendid in a way I could only dream of ever achieving. But his series in which he deals with the delicate topic of Willow being raped had a tremendous influence on the turn of events. It was to no small factor that I had reread his work while writing this, that this fic turned out as it has.

Look up http://nearheralways.com/willow_buffy for his work.

The mechanics of working out a Triad go back on a longer list of Buffy/Willow/Tara fics. Among those especially the works of Frau Hunter Ash who did a wonderful job with her Red Moon series. I had not thought the concept of a three-way relationship could be handled so seriously and believable before I read her work. My approach might be vastly different but she still had her influence here and there.

Look up http://www.hunterash.com.

Then I have to give thanks to TheBear (yet another great author from the list), who kindly let me borrow a really tiny quote and idea from her work issued in "Triune" (part of a longer Buffy/Willow/Tara series).

Look up http://www.papa-bear.com.

There might be some subconscious influences from Tim Nolan's work which I also read while writing this. For it being so old, I can say that I loved the style how he worked with the SM Universe in his series "Awakenings", "Obligations" and the "End of the Beginning". Every true fan should take a look at it.

Look up http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Ginza/7876/.

And last but not least I like to thank the people from my Minaru-list who have endured chapter postings over the last month. And foremost of course my current beta Ayrki (though we are both much too busy to do any serious betaing at the moment). You're kind words and praise to my work were really helping in getting this finished. I would have not blamed if you would have "run away screaming" J but you endured it all and always gave me helpful feedback. If we ever manage to do this co-work thing, this surely will get interesting.

You can find her own work on ff.net.

It's over one o'clock in the morning now and even though I have the entire next week and a half free from work, I try to have at least a somewhat normal bedtime (other than someone I know). I hope you all enjoyed this fic despite the harshness of the plot at several points. If you do, please drop me a line at least (addy is in the header). We authors depend on feedback after all. You can deny it all you want but just liking your work and knowing that you did a good job, doing it for personal joy (which is essential too, don't get me wrong), is - forgive me the bluntness - utter bullshit. We need feedback. Be it only a short line that you liked/disliked it or something more constructive. It only takes a few minutes to do, or a bit more if you have the time but be assured that your feedback is appreciated and will in the most cases be answered too as well (and quickly).

I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year out there. I hope you enjoy the holiday season whether it's freezing cold and you have to tiptoe on iced streets (like us the last days) or it is forty degrees hot (like in Australia where Ayrki is dwelling). Or maybe it's just plain normal weather. My best wishes for you and now I'm FINALLY putting an end to this or I will still be sitting here in the morning.

Ja ne, yours

Matthias