Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Night Thoughts ❯ Night Thoughts ( One-Shot )

Title: Night Thoughts

Author: Alexa

Disclaimer: The people aren't mine. I own nothing. Please don't sue me.

Author's Notes: This is just a short piece I wrote while enduring an attack of the J-pop. It has to do with Haruka's and Michiru's feelings when they each realize they love their partner. It also has to do with their fear of revealing their feelings to the other because of how everyone is so scared of lesbians.

***

I look at her. Tall and blonde. Not at all what I thought I'd ever go for. I'd always gone for the smaller, dark haired, traditional-looking ones. But in a flash, I know what I feel for her. After all, I've never been one to deny my feelings. I've always been open.

A week later, I know it for certain. I love her. And I, who has always been so free with my feelings, so willing to share, am becoming the best actress. Though she is so new, I am impressed by her fighting skills. I love her. My heart beats against my chest with this knowledge, like a bird trying to free itself from a cage of steel. I love her, and I want to sing it from the treetops into the open sky, letting the wind that is so like her take that knowledge.

I wish I could tell her how I feel when I'm near her...how every night my mind roars with everything she's said and done all day. She's come to my school and is in my classes. It's so hard for me to sit and learn. My grades have always been the best in class, but now they drop as I watch her from under my bangs. All period, I draw pictures of her perfect face and body under that male uniform in my notebook. I envy the other girls and how they hang all over her, thinking she is an available male, willing to go out with them.

I try, sometimes, to hide these feelings now. If she knew, after all, she'd be disgusted. They all would. No one wants to be friends with a dyke.

From the moment I see her, I am frightened. I don't know why until a week later, at the end of a training session. I realize I'm afraid of her because I love her. She's perfect, with that aqua mass of hair, that trim little figure. I never figured myself for that type of girl. I'd never been much for guys, but that was because I had so many male friends; I knew what they were like when they were in a group of only guys. I didn't want them to talk about me that way. But never did I think I'd go for a girl.

I know without a doubt that she would recoil in horror if I were to tell her how I feel. Anyone would. I can see it now; those big blue eyes wide in disgust, that soft mouth trembling in horror. I know I don't want that.

I smile at the girls who hang on my arm at school. I don't know any of their names, nor would I care to. The only one I want is the only one I know I can't have. In school, she walks by me, not looking me in the eye, staring only at our shoes. I want to tell her how much I love her, but when we train, she is harsh, expecting me to do as well as she-and I do. Except in swimming. Though I could probably do nearly as well as her in swimming, I always pull back, and always let her win.

I'm running from my feelings; I've always been a runner, but now I have no power over it. Sailor Uranus has no time for love; I am expendable. I am only here to find the talismans. It doesn't matter who I sacrifice in my quest, even if it is my beloved mermaid. I cannot stop, can barely rest when I'm done at night, but still she haunts my dreams.

Girls aren't supposed to chase after other girls.

Finis.