Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ No Regrets ❯ No Regrets ( Chapter 1 )

[ A - All Readers ]

Hi everyone!

First, if it weren't for certain Kimberly Harrington I would
never have written anything. I was *really* envious that she was
posting such a wonderful story as "Broken Wings" ^_~

Kimmie, there goes my thanks for betaing my story ^_^ (All the
mistakes are my own fault)

I have not posted in a while, but at least I hope I have improved
my style. This fanfic takes place during SM Super right after the
episode where Usagi's heart crystal is taken. It's from Michiru's
point of view.

Your comments are welcome and apreciated.


Title: No Regrets
Category: Drama
Rating: G
Summary: This is Michiru's take on the events that happen after
the Death Busters try for Usagi's heart crystal. She is *not* a
happy little camper.
Author: Sharon M.
Sex: Female
E-mail: sharon_meiou@hotmail.com
WebSite: http://come.to/spluto "Sharon's Realm"

Disclaimer: No profit is made. This is for entertainment only.

Go on and read now...

----------------------------------------------------------- -------
~ No regrets ~
--------------

Her shoulders tremble slightly. I can see tears slipping slowly
down on her hands. I wish I could comfort her, but I have nothing
to offer. I've already given all I have. All the excuses, all the
truths, all the lies have been offered and thrown away. I know
what she feels. She despises herself. I did too, before I met her.
If only for her, I will do this. I will sacrifice anything for
her, for us, to have future. I wish she could have her life back.
When I first saw her -- for the first time in this life -- I
couldn't feel it. I knew my duty. She had to learn it too. I was
selfish. I made her accept it.

I am selfish. If I were not I would make her forget me and
leave me. Without her, though, I can't live anymore.
Therefore, we keep going together.

I shouldn't have made her watch yesterday. Maybe she would have
listened and went away if I tried to convince her. However, I'm
selfish. The blonde haired girl, who was the victim yesterday,
Usagi, had won some of Haruka's heart, despite my best efforts to
distance us away from everyone. Yesterday we watched her getting
hurt. Uranus repeated over and over about our duty. I was silently
saying it too. It's easier when you repeat it enough times.
Usagi's screams are still ringing in my ears. Each time a knot
forms in my throat. I have already drunk half a bottle of wine to
ease myself. This is one of those times I wish I could get drunk.
I wish my mind would let me.

Today we might have to face Usagi again. She doesn't know what we
did to her, but that only makes it all that much harder. We have
to pretend. Haruka is not good at it. Maybe its something only the
two of us share, but I can feel her every word, see her
intentions, emotions hidden behind it. I was always better at
hiding. Perhaps it had something to do with having so many
feelings to cover and put away.

I hug the woman beside me tighter. She is no longer crying, just
lays in my hug. She needs rest. I could get some sleep, but she
was up all night. I know she was afraid to close her eyes. Now
they are closed as I make her head comfortable on my shoulder. I'd
like to pride myself that she feels secure with me, but maybe it's
just fatigue wining the battle with her will. My mind wishes it
were the latter. She shouldn't care for me as much as she does. If
it would come to fulfilling the duty, she might need to leave me.
She has to be ready. My selfish heart clenches to the first.

I am not sure I could leave her. I have done it before. When we
just met, I left her to fight alone once. Left intentionally. I
watched from the distance. She had to learn that I would not be
there always. She did. She hadn't spoken for a day with me, until
her affection won. I must have not been very careful, for she has
seen me watching her fight from behind the corner of the roof, as
Neptune. I'm not sure, I was looking at the daimon as it slashed
her arm. I turned away after that. I knew it might kill her. But
my duty was higher. If I were Michiru then, I probably would have
helped, but I was Neptune. We were different. Neptune had more
determination to fulfil the duty. So we let Uranus fight for
herself.

I could never do that again. Not after the look she gave me when
she came home. Perhaps if I hadn't started crying she wouldn't
speak to me for much longer, but for better or worse, I did, and
she forgot her anger and hurt to comfort me. That day we made our
only promise to each other. Not to stay together forever, no.
Quite the opposite. To leave the other for the duty. The damned
duty.

She raises her head and says something about having to go. I snap
out of my thought only in the middle of her speech. Yes, of
course, we have to go. First, shopping. Then... We will probably
see Usagi today. She is the kind of girl who wouldn't miss a
festival. I suggested changing the routine, but both of us knew we
would face her some day. Hence we decided to do it now. Haruka
decided not me. I want to stay away for as long as possible, until
the memory of yesterday would be less vivid. It isn't the fear for
myself. More for my partner. She still has red eyes. She is
determined though, and so off we go.



We both jerk slightly as the smiling girl approaches us. She
suspects nothing. She looks over us at least twice, her eyes full
of admiration. Silly, innocent girl is driving me crazy with her
happy manner. I want to scream at her for being so ignorant.
Yesterday had almost cost her life and here she is laughing,
enjoying the celebration like nothing had happened. Does her life
mean so little to her? I thought it was only me. Her friends
surround us, looking with admiration just like Usagi, while I want
to hide my face and tuck myself away as far from them as possible.
I look at Haruka, and to my shock find her smiling. She is a
better actress then I thought. I myself am going through hell,
having to look at them. It costs me a great deal of effort to keep
gently smiling down. I want this to end.

With a touch of neglect, Haruka catches the fish in the attraction
these girls are advertising. A few more words and we walk off. I'm
relieved. I am tiring of this lifeless smile I seem to have
developed. Now I can take off the poker face. Haruka won't mind.
My lips pressed tightly together I look at her. She is smiling. My
lower lip drops slightly as she does it effortlessly. 'What is
going on?' an alarm goes off in my head. Have I made an error in
my judgement? It should have been an effort for her, knowing how
devastated she was this night. I look at her quizzically, in
wonder. She turns to look at me too.

"We need to fulfil our duty." She says rather lightly for the
topic, "For her and her friends to have a future, for other's like
her, even if not many, we have to sacrifice the holders of the
talismans."

This time I see it through her eyes. It feels so good. To keep
going for that girl. It almost doesn't feel selfish. I am
surprised by my lips, trying to curl upwards. I let them.

A familiar chill runs down my spine. I see Haruka's smile
disappear, our light mood vanishing within a second. It always
takes a second. Somebody is being attacked. I feel evil somewhere
near by. We look around, only now noticing how deserted the place
is. I bring out my transformation pen first. Haruka is seconds
behind me.

Sailor Moon and Mars are already at the scene. It had happened
only a few times that they were before us, and in those cases we
had to rescue them. They are having trouble again. They are
endangering everything. While the daimon is keeping them busy a
red haired woman walks over to take the floating heart crystal. I
think I heard her name herself Eudial. There is something strange
about this new enemy. Evil - certainly, but also something more,
something frightening, not the feeling I got when we met
Kaolinite. The feeling goes on only for the first second though,
like some sixth sense foretelling the future. Uranus charges
forward and gets the heart crystal just before the enemy's hand
can close over it. The witch is furious, but her anger quickly
melts away as we find out that it is not the talisman. She leaves
immediately.

I throw a glance at two senshi having a tough time with the
daimon. They had helped us yesterday, when Uranus was wounded. In
fact, yesterday was full of wonders. When they came to our rescue
and Sailor Moon covered Uranus to save her from the blast of ice,
my opinion of them went about a meter higher. I could not admit it
even to myself at first, and certainly not to Haruka. Perhaps we
should help them out.

I question Uranus, if she doesn't think otherwise. To my surprise
she does. Coldly she brushes my initiative aside. I dare not
question her. She is right, not trusting these soldiers, while
some wondrous matter made my heart pity them. I can not allow
that, and we walk off, for all I know leaving the two trapped
girls to their deaths. My heart is beating a little too fast for
my liking. Have I gotten soft?

It's one of those nights, Haruka is sure to have one of her
nightmares. The wind outside is howling and she is lying crouched
on our bed. I can't sleep. It's not only that I want to watch over
Haruka, there are other reasons for my uneasiness. It's not hard
to see, but much harder to admit what bothers me. I wish I could
throw it away. It was right to leave those two girls to fight by
themselves. They are always interfering with our plans. At best,
this close brush with death will scare them enough to stop... my
breathing is all but easy. They are trying to save innocent lives.
If they quit who will bother? Uranus and I have a duty -- to find
the talismans -- we cannot allow ourselves to waste any time on
anything else...or at least that's an excuse I'm using at the
moment. My wicked mind has not overthrown this one yet. I stand up
and walk out in the hallway and into the washroom to wash my face.
I must be running a fever because my forehead feels hot and my
cheeks are burning. Perhaps I should lay down.

A scream penetrates my thoughts and I run into our bedroom. Haruka
is sitting on the bed, panting, her forehead sweated and eyes
wider then normal. I walk over and ask what was it this time, but
I already know it. It's the same nightmare. The first time she had
it was after we first met Usagi -- funny how I mesure time in
those terms already. She said, she saw arrows shooting
at me. It's the same nightmare this time. Maybe it has some
meaning, maybe not. Perhaps she is just worried for me. I don't
want to think of it.

She raises herself off the bed and goes to freshen up to the
washroom. Finally I can lie down; the headache I didn't notice at
first is starting to tire me. I hope I won't have dreams tonight.
I'm too weary to dream and then think off the meaning behind them.
The last time I saw a pleasant dream was long ago; I don't have
any kind of dreams anymore. The ones I have happen during the day
and are called visions...

It's always the same. Red, red world. Everyone is dead. Haruka is
dead. I am dead. Black, swirling wind touches my face and evil
overwhelms me. I can't fight it. It crashes the buildings around
me. It crashes the statues. Who are they? Haruka is there, she is
shouting something...

I wake up. I'm sweating, but it's ok. At least I didn't scream
this time. I had a dream. No, a vision. I hate all of it.

The first thing I see when I open my eyes again is Haruka's face.
My hand reaches out automatically but is held back by her arm.
There is something cold on my forehead, and I move my other hand
to check.

"You are burning up." Haruka explains as I touch a wet cloth, "Do
you feel sick? You should be better. Are you?"

"I think so..." I reply stubbornly ignoring the headache. I'm
always ignoring it.



I am slightly disoriented. Flashbacks are coming into my head
faster then I can master to fully comprehend them. The innocent
girl before me had just cried some magic words, "Moon Crystal
Power, Make up!" and now I'm looking at a senshi, at Sailor Moon.
I can feel Haruka beside me move forward slightly, in shock. I
don't turn to look at her, my gaze fused to the blonde before me.
She is speaking those all too familiar words. The enemy recovers a
little quicker than me. Before I can grasp the situation, the girl
is pinned to the ground by a daimon. Eudial advances for the heart
crystal of another blonde named Minako. My gaze finally leaves the
senshi of the Moon as she tries to get up to save her friend. I
have to remind myself that it is a soldier here, not the innocent
friend of everybody, Usagi. It doesn't work.

The doll came handy after all. Eudial is furious as I once again
make her lose the opportunity. She orders the daimon to kill us
first. She is sure, of course, that we are defenseless, but for
better or worse we aren't. I give one more sideways glance to the
blonde on the floor. We have no choice. I turn my head just a
little, only enough to see Haruka's expression. She looks
determined. I raise the transformation pen in the air.


We walk away coldly. Our voices, faces, and posture have a touch
of disdain as we leave Usagi after refusing her plea to fight
together. It is all a blur. All happening too fast. My heart is
fluttering. I briefly wonder if Haruka feels it, but don't turn to
look. It is she who stops first, takes hold of my shoulders, and
asks, "Do you regret it?" I don't, but I'm silent, I want to know
how she feels first. She doesn't answer either. Silently we ride
the motorcycle. Why she chose to come to the shore I don't know,
but watching the waves calms me. She asks her question again. This
time I'm certain. I answer.

The End.
----------------------------------------------------------------
~ Sharon
July 6/2000