Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Pluto's Mysteries ❯ The Bar at the End of Time ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

The battle was over: Galaxia had been defeated and Chaos frustrated in its bid to destroy the cosmos. The Starlights and their princess had left for their own world, leaving the Senshi of Sol System alone on the surface of the Zero Star with the Galaxy Cauldron bubbling gently behind them. One of them said it was good to be alive again. Another muttered something about another notch on her tiara, which sent the nine into a fit of hysterical laughter, the kind a wise man once dubbed the great king who would not be denied even in the depths of grief [1].

Once they recovered, Sailor Mars asked, ‘So…how are we getting back? We’re a long way from Earth and I don’t think Haruka brought her car.’

‘A car couldn’t run in space–’ blue-haired Sailor Mercury began.

‘Maybe we could teleport back?’ Sailor Jupiter suggested. ‘Does anyone remember how we did that?’

Mercury tapped at her computer and shook her head. ‘We’re out of range. Our teleportation abilities were never intended to be used over more than a few A.U.’ [2]

Sailor Pluto produced an ornate pocket watch from somewhere. Strange runes crawled over its face in a dance she interpreted at a glance. ‘Our ride will be here any minute.’

The others demanded, ‘What ride?’ Before Pluto could answer, something chirped at her waist. She pulled a sleek black ovoid from the same place she kept her watch and flipped it open. A man’s face appeared on the screen and said, ‘We’re in orbit above your position, milady, and ready to bring you onboard.’

‘You made good time. Nine to beam up. Energize.’ White light engulfed the young women and the surface of the Zero Star was empty once more.


When the light faded, they found themselves standing on a low dais in a room with green carpets and dark wood paneling on the walls. A silver-haired man in a black uniform greeted them at the foot of the dais. Setsuna introduced him as Scorpio, the second mate, helmsman, gunner, and engineer of the Persephone. His wife Aries was the first mate, navigator, communications officer, and purser.

‘Welcome aboard, everyone,’ he said. ‘What is your destination?’

‘Earth!’ eight of them shouted instantly, but he waited for Setsuna to speak.

‘The Bar at the End of Time, Scorpio. We need to celebrate.’ The man bowed and headed off for the bridge. Setsuna turned to the others and said, ‘The Bar is at least a day from here at cruising speed. I will show you to your cabins.’

As the nine followed Setsuna down the wood-walled corridors, Minako said, ‘Don’t you think that Scorpio guy would look totally hot in a red outfit like Char’s?’

‘We used to have a red uniform in the rotation,’ Setsuna said without turning her head. ‘He stopped wearing it in the late Sixties. Said it was bad luck. Now, you girls will be staying in cabins three through nine. Haruka and Michiru, you have number four, a double, and the rest of you have singles. If the crew followed orders, Usagi will be sharing number three with someone special.’ [3]

‘Wait, wait, wait!’ Usagi burst out. She had been restive since being beamed up. ‘Since when did you have a starship? And where did you get that cool phone thing? And what about cabins one and two?’

‘Cabin one is mine and cabin two belongs to the crew. The phone came with the ship, and I’ve had it since before the Moon Kingdom fell. It was a gift of sorts from my mother.’ Setsuna passed out a number of gold keycards to the girls. Each one had a little gem set in one corner. ‘Slide the key into your cabin’s lock to set it. Until we get back to Earth, that key will only open that door and the common areas.’

The ship rocked, throwing half the Senshi off their feet. A klaxon blared and Scorpio’s voice came over the intercom: ‘All hands report to battle stations. This is not a drill. Passengers are to remain in their cabins until the emergency is over. Bridge and exterior camera footage can be seen on channels forty-two and forty-three. Repeat: All hands to battle stations….’

‘You heard the man! Get to your cabins and stay there.’ Setsuna took off at a dead run for the lift at the end of the corridor, which led directly to the bridge. The Persephone’s bridge was small; only two of the five stations were occupied. The silver-haired woman in the captain’s chair stood and saluted Setsuna when the door opened. She had a fuller figure than Scorpio, and a few inches more height, but her face shared a bit of his weathered agelessness.

‘Welcome aboard, ma’am. The bridge is yours.’

‘Thank you, Aries. What’s going on? Don’t tell me you decided to entertain the passengers.’ Setsuna took her seat and flipped through a series of reports on the display attached to the armrest.

‘No, ma’am. I’m shocked you think I’d do such a thing,’ Scorpio said from his station. He threw a plot on the main screen. ‘Gravity anomaly off our stern. We’re being pulled out of hyperspace. Radar indicates something large behind and beneath us in normal space. My first guess is pirates: this sector sees pretty heavy traffic, but it’s far from the major powers.’

‘Pirates? You know what to do then.’

‘Aye. Shields at full power and we’re heating up the guns. Aft torpedo tubes already loaded.’

‘Good. Aries, take us out of hyperspace. Fire at will, Scorpio.’

The Persephone emerged in normal space above and a little ahead of a ship several times her size with a launch bay that could swallow her whole. Scorpio launched his torpedoes as soon as the target was in sight. Two exploded on the enemy’s hull and a third flew into the launch bay.

‘Missiles launched from the far side of the enemy vessel,’ Aries reported. ‘No fighters detected.’

‘No one’s stupid enough to build something that size with only one launch bay. Inertial dampeners to three-quarters, extra powers to shields.’ Scorpio’s hands danced over the controls before punching the intercom. ‘All hands brace for impact!’

The little ship’s interceptor guns shot down two missiles, but two others slammed into her shields. Scorpio pulled the control stick with one hand and tapped in weapon orders with the other. The Persephone shot up and back, skimming just over her opponent’s hull. The plasma cannon mounted on her underside raked the other ship with deadly fire. Once she was astern, she shot back into hyperspace, leaving her enemy aflame and listing. Setsuna opened the intercom circuit.

‘This is your captain speaking. We have just escaped a pirate attack. You are free to resume your normal activities.’


Usagi and her friends arrived at the Bar at the End of Time with no further accidents. The Bar itself was a hollowed asteroid far from any star system with wharves that could accommodate even the largest liners or warships. The Persephone pulled into a spot between two freighters displaying the same markings as her. Inside, the Bar seemed to be the prototype of all Earthly bars: dark wood counter, mirror behind the bar, bottles lining the walls, and numerous tables of varying degrees of stability. The main difference was that the bar ran for several miles.

‘Welcome back.’ The proprietor behind the bar was a stout, balding human (or a being who could pass for human) who ordered his staff around in a booming, jovial voice. He poured Setsuna a small glass of something the colour of her eyes that she downed instantly. He leaned across the bar and said, ‘There’s half a dozen of you in the back room. And the Doctor’s in.’

‘Dr. who?’ asked Haruka.

‘Exactly,’ replied Setsuna with a smile the other woman could not see. The joke was tired and old at the Bar, but dutifully retold every time the man was present. She continued, ‘Thank you, Winter. A bottle of the usual and keep the Doctor here until I talk to him.’ She turned around to address her friends, including Mamoru, who had been picked up on Earth before the Persephone set out for the Zero Star. ‘You guys find a table. There are some people I have to see.’

The Bar had a number of rooms set aside for certain frequent customers. Setsuna made her way to one with a bronze door that opened at her touch. Within were seven women who were almost identical to her: dark skin, red eyes, and green hair. A rack of glasses and a set of taps stood along one wall. She set her dusty bottle on the table and declared, ‘To victory! Galaxia has been defeated.’

The others instantly slid glasses down the long table to clink against the bottle. The newcomer poured and slid them back. They raised the glasses and drank to victory. One said, ‘Ah. If old Charlie knew one thing, he knew brandy. I’ll match any of the new brands against this.’

A huddled heap of hair at the far end of the table picked herself up at those words. ‘To Charlie! May the cheating son of a bitch get what’s coming to him!’ Having drained her glass, she collapsed once more. Hers was a tragic tale: abandoned by the Prince she had nursed and served through defeat and victory. On the day of his coronation, he had declared that he would marry another, some foreign princess he had never seen. He left her with a house and a mortal daughter. The others raised their arms, but drank nothing.

Setsuna, the one who had just arrived, turned to one who sat near her. This one wore a ring on one finger. Setsuna said, ‘Won’t your girlfriend be jealous that you go to someone else’s bar?’

‘Juri’s not that kind. I think. Winter serves things she has never heard of and she can’t mix a Gargle Blaster to save her life.’

‘Not her fault Algolian suntigers don’t exist in her continuity,’ said a third who was enjoying her second of the infamous drinks. [4]

‘I’d love to stay, but I have business with the Doctor.’ Setsuna shared one more round of drinks with the group and left the empty bottle. They knew her story as well.



She found the Doctor in one of the Bar’s innumerable dark corners with an odd bottle in one hand and a half-full glass in the other. She said, ‘Never thought I’d find the last of the Time Lords in a place like this.’

He turned around with bleary eyes and started. ‘You! You know Winter won’t let you hurt me in here. The bloody Daleks found out about that rule right off. Don’t know why they come in here, they live in those shells of theirs, don’t need food or drink. Can’t trust a being who won’t drink. Like those…those…oh, you know them. Standoffish guys on that one planet who believe that alcohol is the devil’s piss.’

Setsuna cut him off. ‘You’re rambling. Sign here and I’ll never bother you again so long as you remember the terms of our old agreement.’ She wiped the bar with a towel she kept somewhere on her person and laid a few papers before the man.

‘Right, right. I don’t mess around with your realities, you don’t put my head on a spike.’ The Doctor pulled a pen from his pocket and scrawled a signature at the bottom of a page of legalese with the names Las Vegas and Clark County printed at the top. Setsuna signed, too, and slid them into a portfolio she hid away again.

‘Now that that’s done, we can forget that whole episode ever took place. Good bye, Doctor.’

‘Wait. I saw the date on those papers. Aren’t you a few years late?’

Setsuna laughed. ‘You know who I am. Does the date really matter to people like us?’

‘No, guess it doesn’t. Well, as long as you get the papers to court in time, it’s all fantastic. Eh? What’s going on down there?’

A new arrival seemed to be making a commotion at the far end of the bar. Setsuna climbed on a stool to get a better look. The newcomer had two heads and a considerable entourage. She said, ‘It’s Beeblebrox.’

‘Ah. Him.’ If there was one thing in the universes they shared, it was their opinion of Zaphod Beeblebrox. ‘You know, he claims there’s no drink he can’t finish. Do you suppose Winter knows the Smashed Dalek?’

‘If he doesn’t know it, it doesn’t exist. Oi, Winter! Order for Mr. Beeblebrox down here. Tell him it’s a challenge.’

The barman was with them in a minute, followed shortly by the two-headed President. The Doctor said, ‘I hear there’s no drink in any universe you can’t finish, Mr. President.’

‘That’s right. If you can find a drink I can’t finish, I’ll buy you a starship.’ Beeblebrox smiled behind his shades. They were light, partly because the Bar was rather dim, but mostly because Winter took a dim view of violence in his establishment.

‘Alright. Winter, make him a Smashed Dalek.’

The barman paled, but set a large glass on the bar and gathered the bottles he needed. The finished drink was thick, green, and contained a number of almost solid lumps. One of Beeblebrox’s faces turned green and his shades went black, but he manfully picked up the glass and sipped. Now both faces were green, but he managed to swallow half the glass before turning and emptying his stomach.

‘That’s going on your tab, Doctor,’ Winter said. ‘Jesse! Bring a mop over. And a free drink to anyone the President puked on.’

‘That was cruel,’ Setsuna said. ‘You know perfectly well that the ingredients react to form violent emetics and laxatives. I don’t think even a Dalek can drink one of those.’

‘Eh? I always thought no one finished the things because they taste so foul. Thought the man was trying to kill me the first time I had one.’

‘I see. But why do you need a starship? You already have the TARDIS.’

‘It broke down.’

‘Again?’

‘Yes, again. And I don’t think Mr. President is going to remember his bet in the morning. That or he’ll buy me a rustbucket that’s about as spaceworthy as a paper bag.’

‘He just might. Well, I have to get back to my friends. Winter! Give him a drink on me.’

‘Thanks. And congratulations.’



Mamoru and the Senshi were well on their way to being drunk when Setsuna found their table. She eyed the number of empty glasses and ordered herself a Gargle Blaster, deciding it was equivalent to what the others had had. She drained it at a draught and asked, ‘How’ve you guys gotten along without me?’

‘Just fine! Mamo-chan’s been teaching me the different beers,’ Usagi said. She had one arm around her boyfriend and they had several empty glasses before them.

‘Some jerk was hitting on Ami earlier, but I took care of him.’ Makoto flexed her arm before downing another shot of amber liquor. She tried to coax Ami into trying some, but the smaller girl refused. She was nursing some sweet icy concoction with a paper umbrella stuck into it.

Minako bounced up to the table with a microphone in her hand. ‘Hey, guys! Guess what? This place has karaoke! I’ve reserved a room, so come on.’

The others followed her, but Setsuna stopped at the bar first. ‘Jackie, get me another Gargle Blaster. The girls want to do karaoke.’

While the young woman mixed the drink, a blood-stained Gautian sat down beside her. He had a few cracked scales on his face and carried his lower left arm in a sling. Winter set a glass of fizzing Gautian ale in front of him. ‘Welcome, Captain Nevling. You look like you’ve had some bad luck.’

‘My Destiny’s Hand caught a little freighter under the Pluto flag, the Persephone, in hyperspace. You’ve heard of her, deals in those Rim products that are so popular these days. Well, I’ve always thought she’d make a great yacht, so I gave orders to capture her. The bitch shoots a torpedo into my launch bay and rips open a third of my top decks before escaping! How does a little tramp freighter carry that much firepower?’

Winter poured him a second drink. ‘It’s one of the old Titan-class battleships, that’s how. I keep telling you to upload the Priscus Index to your computer, but you never listen. It pays to know about your target.’

‘Titan-class? I thought those were just legends or scrap by now. Besides, it’s too small to be a battleship. My Hand could fit her in the launch bay!’

Setsuna set down her Gargle Blaster. ‘The Persephone’s my ship.’ Whatever else she was about to say was interrupted by someone yelling.

‘You know who you’re talking to, monkey? Zaphod Beeblebrox, that’s who!’ His opponent was a little white creature that barely reached his waist. The more knowledgeable patrons had already moved away from the two. The ‘monkey’ made a series of hoots and screeches that caused Beeblebrox’s faces to swell red.

‘Wonderful. Now the idiot’s picking a fight with Spekkio,’ Setsuna muttered. She finished her drink and went off to join her friends.

Scorpio and Aries were singing an old duet when Setsuna came in. The others sat on couches in various states of intoxication. Ami was half asleep with her head on Makoto’s shoulder and Setsuna saw the brunette smile at her smaller friend. Usagi was trying to convince Mamoru to do a duet with her, but he was barely holding himself upright in his seat. Setsuna took a seat in the back and ordered a third Gargle Blaster over the phone.

She was well into her fourth when Minako noticed she had arrived and dragged her to the stage. Even her mind was a little slow after three Gargle Blasters and she at first responded to Minako in a language that had not been spoken in several centuries. She flipped through the catalogue and at last settled on something she had heard once in the Welsh hills around the time Arthur was learning to walk. Setsuna picked up the harp that appeared beside the mic stand and played a few notes before beginning. It was a slow song, and sad, mourning things lost that would not come again, the downfall of the Golden Age and the sacking of cities.

The applause woke Ami, who started up from Makoto’s shoulder with a blush on her face. When Setsuna returned to her seat, Ami asked her, ‘There’s something that’s been bugging me all night: How did Scorpio and Aries survive Galaxia’s rampage? She claimed she had gotten all the Star Seeds in the galaxy.’

‘The Persephone’s hanger exists a little outside of regular time. She could not affect it. I called them while you guys were saying goodbye to the Starlights.’ Unfortunately, she said this in the same Celtic tongue she had sung in and had to repeat it in Japanese.

Half an hour later, Mamoru and the younger women were all asleep on the couches. Setsuna finished her last drink, a tall glass of fizzing blue liquid that tasted faintly of strawberries, and said to Scorpio, ‘Get them back aboard. I’ll settle our bill.’


The younger Senshi woke to headaches, nausea, and all the discomfort of a hangover. They found Setsuna in the large dining hall sharing a pot of tea with Scorpio and Aries at the head of the table. She greeted them cheerfully and asked, ‘Who wants to see the Greek Olympics? I know some great pankration matches.’ [5]

Notes:

This is the result of combining several bits of nonsense that came to me regarding the usually reserved Sailor Pluto. It combines elements of several things, shreds the canon of a few more, and is not meant to be taken seriously at all. In its most basic form, it arose from the question ‘How did the Senshi get back from the Zero Star after the battle with Galaxia?’ I’m sure it was addressed in canon, but the idea of Pluto owning a starship sounded better to me.

The Setsuna with the ring and a girlfriend named Juri comes from shanejayell’s fic Arisugawa’s Locket. Zaphod Beeblebrox is from Douglas Adams's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 'trilogy.' Dr. Who is from the long-running series of the same name, presumably BBC property?

If nothing else, I would like to see how many of you actually recognize all the references I made in this chapter. Several are not explained in the notes.

1) Dr. Van Helsing, as quoted in Dr. Seward’s diary entry of 22 September.

2) Astronomical Unit, the average distance between the Earth and the Sun. Not all that far in astronomical terms, really, only a bit over eight light-minutes.

3) Char Aznable is a character from the original Gundam series and a number of its sequels, the prototypical masked blonde antagonist for the franchise. The original Star Trek ran from 1966-69.

4) The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, invented by Zaphod Beeblebrox, is the best drink in existence, according to the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The same publication, however, claims that the universe is wrong whenever it contradicts the Guide. It also gives a recipe for the drink.

5) The pankration was a sport that has been described as a mixture of boxing and wrestling and may have borne a strong resemblance to the current popular idea of martial arts. Matches tended to be savage and even fatal. Like all ancient athletic events, this was done in the nude.