Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Pluto's Mysteries ❯ Roaches ( Chapter 5 )

Roaches

It was a small motel room a little ways off the Strip. If the showers had been just a hair less white, the carpet a little more stained, the place could have been called seedy. As it was, it bore a strong resemblance to a bachelor’s apartment that never had guests. Despite the late (or early) hour, both occupants were sitting on the bed staring at the documents in their laps.

Something small and brown darted across the far wall. One dark-skinned hand snatched up the silver pistol on the nightstand. A needle of light drilled through the skittering insect and it dropped to the floor, joining a dozen of its kin. The green-haired woman set the gun down and returned to the papers.

‘You’re the only person I’ve ever met with a roach gun. Figures I’d marry a weirdo,’ the man said. His accent marked as English, though Setsuna could not have said which region.

She threw the papers to the floor and said, ‘You’re not much of a catch either, exile. The courts open for business early here and I know a lawyer. We can get an annulment in the morning and pretend this never happened.’

‘That would be best. So just why do you hate cockroaches?’

‘Because they’re everywhere. It’s creepy.’

‘Come on. The same is true of mosquitoes and rats, but you don’t shoot them on sight.’

‘I meant everywhere. Every world, every timeline I’ve ever seen: as long as there is life on land on Earth, there are roaches. Six-foot acid-spitting monsters or three-inch scutterers, there are roaches.’

‘But in an infinite multiverse, anything that can be imagined has to exist. And that includes an Earth with humans but no roaches.’

‘I’ve never heard of one, nor have my alternates. They all think I’m mad, by the way. I even managed to ask one of the Omniscients about it and he said he’d never seen such a thing.’ Setsuna forestalled the inevitable question by saying, ‘I’d rather not talk about how I convinced him to answer the question.’

‘I see.’ The man turned these facts over in his head. ‘That still means nothing. It could just be a meaningless coincidence, like how no universe ever has more than one race truly master time travel. Any number can pick up the basics, but only one is paramount.’

Setsuna gave her temporary husband a sharp look. She addressed him by his true name, which startled him: ‘You know nothing, but I think these two “coincidences” are related. I believe that roaches are the remnants of an early loser in the Great Time Wars, a race that was perhaps once equal to yours reduced to ubiquitous pests.’

‘The Great Time Wars? I’ve never heard of them.’

‘A long time ago– in higher-dimensional time, of course– many races in many universes developed time travel and interdimensional travel. A few wanted to rule the entire multiverse and the Wars began. Gallifrey, Pluto, the Lantern Corps, some strange monks in saffron from a very improbable world, every organization and race that claimed to defend time, space, or a universe, was involved. Universes collapsed, races were wiped from existence, the very fabric of reality threatened to unravel . Eventually, a handful of Omnipotents stepped into prevent the destruction of their favourite toy.

‘The treaties that ended the Wars were inscribed on the very bones of the multiverse. No dimension-faring race had dominion in any universe where no native version existed, only one such race existed per universe, and most of the worst damage was undone. It took all the power of all the warring parties (and a little help from the Omnipotents) to do this and then the history of the Wars was sealed away because they had not happened.’

‘But you still know they happened. You hold the great secret that has been kept from even the Time Lords.’ Everything about the man’s voice, posture, and face said that he found this difficult to believe.

‘Oh, they know. The senior ones, at least. I believe that roaches are refugees from the Wars, spread throughout the multiverse for some reason. Do you want to get some sleep or an early breakfast?’



The conference with Setsuna’s lawyer acquaintance went well. He gave them a number of forms to complete and submit to the courthouse within the next few days. As he put it, ‘It should go pretty quick. Not quite as quick as getting married in this town, but close.’

Once on the street, the couple decided to have lunch together before starting on the paperwork. A few blocks from the restaurant, the man pointed out a phone booth and said, ‘I have to make a call. I’ll be right back.’

‘Don’t take too long. The sooner we get this done the better.’ A thought hit her once the man had left: Vegas doesn’t have blue phone booths. ‘Get back here, you coward!’

Setsuna took off at a dead run, but the booth disappeared before she could lay a hand on the door.




Notes:

For those who haven’t guessed, Setsuna married the Doctor from the Dr. Who series in Vegas. The Lantern Corps she mentions are the Green Lanterns from DC’s universe(s) and belong to that company. The strange monks in saffron are the History Monks from Pratchett’s Discworld series.

This little idea came to me when I was wondering just why Setsuna would fear cockroaches. They are such little things and (outside of some post-apocalyptic settings) more or less harmless of themselves. Then I thought of their ubiquity and tenacity (as they say, roaches will be eating Twinkies after the nukes go off), added a drop of typical fanfiction silliness, and this was the result.