Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Sanctuary ❯ Chapter 1

Title: Sanctuary
Author: Maetel
Email: maemaechan@yahoo.com
URL: N/A
Rating: M 15+
Summary: When Sailor Moon witnesses the death of an innocent, Usagi ends up turning to Mamoru in her darkest hour.
Chapters: 1/?
Status: Incomplete
Year Completed: Incomplete
Size:

“Kiss Me Kill Me Til I Bleed
You’re the one that haunts my dreams
Can you save me? Set me free?
You’re my sanctuary…”
-Darling Violetta, Angel Main Theme - Extended Sanctuary Remix

Usagi stood in the park, beside the lake, staring out blankly at the surface of the water, her eyes shining with unshed tears. The moon cast a silvery light on everything, including the face of the girl who had never felt so lost. Just a few short hours ago, she had failed. Failed herself, failed the senshi who had depended on her to get to the battle while the rest of them stayed in school, failed the citizens, and failed everyone who had depended on her.

She looked over to Mamoru as he walked up beside her before returning her gaze to the lake. He simply waited for her to say the first word. To tell what had happened that would cause her to go through such a drastic personality change. He’d been watching her for about half an hour before approaching her, making sure that she wouldn’t do anything drastic.

After a while, he grew unable to stand the silence between them and asked simply. “Usagi-chan… What happened to you?”

She blinked and looked over at him. With a laugh that seemed dry, hollow, and completely unsuited to becoming from the blonde, she replied, “I accepted the role of Sailor Moon. I let a cat give me the one thing that would change my life, and made the worst mistake of my life…”

Had anyone else said those words, Mamoru would have thought them insane, but it all added up. The way she’d simply have to run off at random points in time. The way she always looked so tired as of late. And now… Something had to have happened to cause her to become the way she had.

“But Sailor Moon is a hero. You’ve saved the lives of hundreds- No, thousands of people. Why would that be so bad?” he questioned.

“Because when the time came, I couldn’t save one life,” she told him as her tears finally began to fall. For the first time since seeing the accident, she allowed herself to cry.

Unsure of what to say, Mamoru simply did what every sense of decency was commanding him to do, and gently pulled the girl into his arms, allowing her to cry into his chest. As she began to calm, or were the tears simply drying up. Mamoru couldn’t tell, but as her sobs began to subside, she began to explain everything that had happened during the day. How for the first time, she’d truly and completely hated herself.

How for the first time, she watched as a person had died in an attack.

The youma had attacked a primary school. Usagi was the only one not at school thanks to a doctor’s appointment she’d had to go to, and so, was the only one able to make it to the scene. The youma had been posing as a teacher, sent to drain the energy of innocent children. She had tried so hard to get the youma to come after her, and it had, but when… When it had attacked her, she had managed to dodge, but only to leave a path open for the youma to strike a child that had been heading into the building, late thanks to… She didn’t know, but what the blonde did know was that it should have been her. She should have been the one struck down, and not one so young, whose life had yet to truly begin.

When she’d seen the child fall, Sailor Moon had all but forgotten the battle. She’d raced over to the child, and tried to make sure that he would be all right. She stared down at him, trying to keep him awake as his blood pooled beneath them. Trying nothing more than to make sure that he was still alive. He was so young. He barely looked to be Shingo’s age, and yet…

When the creature tried to attack her again, it’s move was simply thrown off, and she stared at it with eyes filled with more emotions than she had ever felt in her life.

“You!” she cried as she began to give off a light that started to expand all around her. “You did this! How could you?! How could you do this to one so young?! So… How could you harm a child?!” With her last words, the light expanded and consumed the creature, instantly destroying it. Moments after the youma had been destroyed, the light faded, revealing the blonde heroine as she tried to stop at least some of the blood which had been quickly escaping the wounds inflicted upon the child.

“Onegai…” she quietly begged in between soft sobs. “Please.” She never noticed the sounds of footsteps running up behind her, and barely registered the hand placed upon her shoulder, or how it and three other hands pulled her away from the child as two other men in black and white uniforms knelt down beside the dying boy.

They asked her about what had happened, and she explained as best she could. It was the least that she could do for the boy. She stayed long enough to see one man walk up from behind her, and drape a cloth over the boy.

It was then that she ran. She didn’t stop, even as she de-henshined, which also caused the blood that had gotten onto her knees to disappear. She didn’t stop until she found herself standing inside the sliding doors of Crown Arcade. It was the only place she knew to go. Everything told her that it was the only place she could go. Home wasn’t an option since her mother was gone, and seeing images of her little brother would only remind her of the child.

“Usagi-chan, wh-” Motoki started, until he saw the look on the girl’s face. She looked as though she had almost run a marathon, not to mention completely and utterly… broken. As though everything she had believed in was just shattered in an instant. “Usagi-chan, what’s wrong?” he asked as he came out from behind the counter he was cleaning and walked over to her.

“He- I- I couldn’t save him…” she murmured quietly, almost to the point that Motoki couldn’t make out what she had said. Before he had a chance to ask her who the “he” was, she collapsed.

Motoki caught the blonde before she hit the ground, and picked her up to carry her into the back room. Once he had laid her on the couch, Motoki picked up the phone and dialed the number of the one person who would be able to make sure she was all right better than he would. He sighed when he heard the voice mail answer, but left a message nonetheless.

“Mamoru-kun, I need your help with something,” Motoki said, arguing with himself about whether or not he should tell his friend that the person was Usagi. He sighed when he decided that he’d not. “Someone collapsed in my arcade, and since you’re the future doctor, you might have a better chance of making sure that she’s all right. Just come by the arcade when you can. Arigato.”

He then walked over to Usagi once again, and knelt beside the couch she was laying on. She looked so pale, which scared him, considering how she was fair skinned naturally, but now… She looked as though she’d seen death.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thirty minutes, and two customers later, Motoki was relieved to see Mamoru walk in to the arcade quickly.

“Oi, Motoki-kun, where’s the person you wanted me to look at?” the dark haired young man inquired.

Motoki led his friend over to the door, but stopped him just before entering. “There’s something I should tell you before you go in there. The person I called you about is Usagi-chan. And I’m not sure if it’s just me, or what, but she doesn’t look very good.”

“What happened?” Mamoru questioned as he moved over to the door and walked into the room.

“I’m not sure. She just ran in a little while before I called you, and muttered something about not being able to save someone, but I’m not sure what she meant. I’m not sure where she’d come from, so…” he sighed quietly.

Mamoru looked at the frail girl, and frowned worriedly. He gently took her pulse before checking to see if she had a fever. “You said she ran in?” he asked, looking towards the blonde and continued when Motoki nodded. “She probably ran a great deal. And considering how it’s not that warm out there, and school uniforms are that warm, she’s probably just got a bit of a cold. She more than likely needs to rest for a while.”

Meanwhile, Usagi had heard everything he said, but didn’t utter a word. Instead she simply opened her eyes and stared blankly at Mamoru and everything behind him. It wasn’t until Mamoru noticed that Motoki was looking past him and at the girl that he returned his gaze to her. He was confused when he saw that on her normally emotion filled face was no expression whatsoever.

“Odango Atama? Daijobu?” he asked her, trying to see if the despised name would draw out some sort of reaction from the girl as she sat up, her gaze lowering to the floor as she rose.

“Hai,” she said quietly, not noticing the name, as she rose to her feet, shakily at first, but gained her footing after a moment.

For part of the time that she’d been “sleeping,” the blonde had actually been thinking. Since a few minutes before Mamoru had arrived, Usagi had been thinking over the course of what had happened, and her time as Sailor Moon, recounting all of the times that she had been berated by Mars for showing up late, or being lazy, or klutzy. It seemed as though the fiery senshi was right.

“Gomen nasai, Motoki-kun… Mamoru-san,” she said, her tone causing a great deal of worry from the two. For Motoki because he was presently recalling her words from earlier, and combining that with her present behavior. For Mamoru because the fire within her, that he loved to see in the midst of their verbal banter was just… Dead.

“Usagi-chan, are you sure?” Motoki asked as he walked over to the blonde and grew even more concerned when she nodded, but didn’t look him in the eye. Sighing, he knew that he wouldn’t have much of a chance of getting a straight answer out of her for the time being, and since school was letting out, he needed to go make sure that the customers were served. With a quiet sigh, he looked to Mamoru and said, “Arigato for coming, Mamoru-kun.”

“Don’t worry about-”

“Excuse me for interrupting, but do you think I could rest for a while back here? Alone. I’m just still a little tired,” Usagi asked quietly.

“Oh!” Motoki said as he realized that he and Mamoru were probably the reason she woke up. “Hai, Usagi-chan,” he told her as he slowly led Mamoru out of the room. “If you need anything, feel free to ask.”

She nodded and laid back down until she was sure that they were out of the room. Usagi looked around the room, and saw the door which Motoki probably came through when he came to work. She had to get out fast. The girls would show up soon, and she didn’t want to face them. Not yet anyways. She slowly stood and walked over to the door to the main area and pressed her ear against its surface. When she didn’t hear any of the voices of her friends or Motoki and Mamoru, she hurriedly exited through the other door.

Just as she stepped out however, she heard her name be called out by a normally berating tone, which was strangely worried sounding. When Usagi turned to see the source, she spotted not only Rei, but Ami as well. Slowly, the blonde shook her head and without a word, she raced down the sidewalk as fast as she could go.

Usagi could hear the footfalls of her friends as they followed her, but too many high speed dashes to school gave her higher endurance than they expected or could match. She finally stopped running when she realized that they had been lost. She looked around trying to figure out where she was, and saw herself standing in front of the very school where the attack had taken place. Staring down, she saw a piece of concrete stained dark brown, and scenes of what happened flashed through her mind. The scent of the boy’s blood. How warm the ground grew when she had knelt beside him. How cold his skin had grown as he lost the blood. As she reached out and placed a hand on the discolored paving, and she immediately felt the bile rise up in her throat, allowing it to escape until her stomach was empty, and then some.

She wiped her mouth as she rose to her feet, but refused the urge to cry despite the way holding back her tears made her entire body shake. Despite how the urge to let the tears fall as more and more thoughts such as, ‘Why cry for something that was her fault? She was the one who should be dead. Not one so young. Not one who did nothing but whine, wail, and walk into people,’ went through her mind.

She slowly walked away, not really caring where she was headed. Her feet guided her for almost two hours, continuing even after the sun had set. She didn’t stop until she found herself standing beside the lake. Her sight was blurred as she simply looked out over the pristine water where Mamoru had found her.

All the while, Mamoru listened, finally realizing what he’d been feeling coming from the connection he had with Tokyo’s young heroine. He’d felt her transform, but could go to her during the battle thanks to an organic chemistry exam. He’d been feeling almost complete and utter contempt for oneself coming from the link, and wondered what had caused such a reaction, but never had he thought that it would be what she had just informed him.

“Kami-sama,” he sighed softly as he felt her sobs begin anew. He bent his head down and tried to think of things that would calm the girl down. How does one go about calming down a fourteen year old? Especially one with the weight of the world weighing down on the two odango atop her head. “Usagi-chan, gomen nasai. It wasn’t your fault about what happened to the child. Just… Just think, if you hadn’t been there, how many would have died?”

“H-How can you say that? You’ve never had anyone die because of you,” she said softly.

“Maybe not while I was there, but while I wasn’t, someone did die,” he told her, causing the blonde to look up at him with eyes that were both full of tears and confusion. He closed his eyes for a moment before removing one arm from around the girl to pull a rose from the inside of his jacket and felt his clothing change to the tuxedo he wore to battle.

Usagi took a step back, as he fully released her from his arms. He watched her as she stood before him shaking her head in disbelief. The one person she never wanted to know about having failed. The one person who always seemed to believe in her. Why had she opened her mouth? She knew that it was a bad idea to tell Mamoru, but for some reason, she felt that she could have trusted him, and now… He might not trust her. He always inspired her to do her best in battle, and one of the few times he didn’t appear, she had failed. She started to back away, ready to run, until he reached out and gently grasped one of her wrists.

“L-Let me go,” she pleaded softly. “Onegai… I-I never should have said anything.”

“No, Usagi-chan. If you hadn‘t told someone, this would have eaten you up inside until…” he said softly, stopping when he realized just how far keeping everything inside might have gone. “Today was just as much my fault as it was yours, but there is one thing that you have to realize: you cannot keep blaming yourself for every time someone gets hurt, or dies. If you do, the weight of this burden will crush you. You didn‘t kill the boy… Do you remember what you told me about what had happened during the attack? What you did when he was injured?”

“I-I tried to help him, but… The thing kept attacking…” she said, her sobs calming a bit, giving the masked hero some hope that maybe his words were getting to her. “A-And he- the boy just kept bleeding… I-I… I just couldn’t make it stop…”

“That doesn’t mean you killed him… That means you tried to save him. You did what you could to make sure that he would survive, and I’m sure that-”

“But Rei-chan… She kept telling- keeps telling me that one day someone is going to get hurt because I don’t take what I do seriously. That I’m- That I’m not a good senshi… I just never thought that she would ever be proven right…” Usagi said as she fell to her knees despite how her wrist was still being held.

Mamoru thought back to just who Rei was. He knew that she was one of Usagi’s friends and minorly attracted to him, but he figured that she had to be one of the senshi. “Usagi-chan, out of the three of you, you were the one fighting from the beginning. And I don’t think that she really means those words. She was just trying to get the best out of you, and she didn’t know how to do that without being blunt.”

“Blunt or not, she was right…” Usagi sighed as she lifted her hand and wiped a few stray tears from her cheeks.

“No… She wasn’t. You have been trying so hard. You do everything that you can,” said Mamoru as he allowed his henshin to fade. He figured that she expected Tuxedo Kamen to try and make her feel better about herself, and that maybe his words would mean more if they came from simply Mamoru. “Usagi-chan, you may not be the best student, or the most graceful warrior, but when it comes down to it, you are a good senshi. You have saved this city more times than anyone can count. You saved all of the people who have been targeted by the Dark Kingdom, and I am sure that the others will understand what happened.”

“What if they don’t? What if they insist that I hand over my broach?” she asked.

“Then I’ll be there to help you make them understand, if you want,” he told her. “Just… promise me that you’ll tell them. They need to know.”

Usagi sighed and nodded slowly. “I will, but you promise you’ll be there?”

Mamoru nodded. “Just let me know when you are-”

He was interrupted by a shrill beeping that came from the pocket of the jacket the blonde was wearing, and noticed how she almost immediately froze up. After a moment, she moved her free hand to the pocket and pulled out a small pink device.

“I-I’m here,” she said, forcing herself to sound almost normal, making Mamoru believe that it was one of the senshi.

“Usagi-chan, there’s a youma attack. Half a block from the dock,” he heard a soft voice say only to hear a bossy tone call out from the background. “Tell that odango atama to quit messing around and get her butt over here.”

“I’m on my way,” Usagi replied to the voice before looking up to Mamoru. “I have to…”

“I understand. Just remember that I’ll be there,” he told her. She nodded and smiled weakly at him before he released her wrist.

“Thank you,” she whispered before taking off towards the scene. A moment after she left, he saw a brilliant light filter through the trees, signaling that she had transformed. At that moment, Mamoru felt the familiar tug at the back of his mind, and allowed hid own transformation to wash over him.

He then headed in the direction of the dock, not knowing whether or not she would be telling the others, but that either way, she would need him in this fight.

“Stay strong, Usagi,” he said quietly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

TBC! I hope everyone liked this chapter. I know it was a little dark, but it will get happier! I promise!