Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ The Drunken Luna Bar & Grill: Side Story 1 - The Pink Ranger? ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Author: Eternal Wicked Lady (eternalwickedladychibiusa@yahoo.com)
Title: The Drunken Luna Bar & Grill: Side Story 1 - The Pink Ranger?
Rating: PG13 - NC17 (depends on how easily you're offended)

Disclaimer:
This is MY fic...but it's also NOT my fic. I, being the wonderfully evil person I AM *sly smile* have deigned to write a sort of side story for the Drunken Luna Bar & Grill!! XD (yes, I have Nebchan's (only I can call her that!!! *glares and waves Luna P. threateningly*) permission! I give her lots of credit. ^____^ I give her ALL the credit!! (for the setting - the Luna Bar is HERS!! The story is completely MINE~!! *cackles evilly*) her, and the many evil hateful pissy-as-frickin-hell hours I spend standing at my Kiosk in the mall *growls viciosly* Word to the wise...Don't F*CK with the kiosk girl!!! *cackles* that said, I dont own Sailor Moon, Fushigi Yugi, or Power Rangers...matter of fact, I dont own any of the characters I'm about to puppeteer...sueing me will do NO good, cause im broke broke broke. *rambles for an hour* HEY!! WAKE UP DAMMIT!!! *grabs a hose and sprays everyone with icy cold water* there, that's BETTER!!! *clears throat and smiles sweetly* Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy....

*sharpens knife* Or ELSE.

----Do NOT read if you are offended by ANY of the following:
swearing
Wicked
references to pot
yaoi (male x male) references
poker
alcoholic beverages being ingested
badly written ficage
----DO read if you enjoy ANY or all of these things....
This all being said...You may now enter the Hell that is my mind. NO SMOKING ALLOWED!!! >.<


THE DRUNKEN LUNA BAR & GRILL: Side Story 1 - The Pink Ranger?
---------------------------------------
<setting: in the bar>
At one of the corner tables, a trio are drinking and argueing vehemently.
Wicked: I'm telling you...he's the pink ranger!
Nebula: Huh? Where'd that come from? Weren't we talking about Tamahome in a fuku?
Tamahome: *thoughfully rubs his chin* How much would you pay me?
Nebula: *supremely "wicked" grin* The real question is, do you want to know what will happen if you dont?
Tamahome: *sweatdrops and looks into his glass of scotch as if the meaning of life is in it*
--note: we all know that the meaning of life will NEVER be found in the bottom of a glass of alchohol. that's just silly. The meaning of life CAN however, be found at the top of the bottom of the Marina's Trench, OR inside a can of surge at 4:57am IF the conditions are right. --
Nebula: that's better...
Wicked: *grabs her drink and downs half of it* No, seriously..I'll explain it.
Nebula: Explain what?
Wicked: *slams the glass on the table, causing half of what's left to splash out* HOW MAMORU IS THE PINK RANGER FOR BOBS SAKE!!!
The entire bar goes silent for just a second, sees that it's only Wicked ranting again, and goes back to whining/drinking/henshining/saying stupid catch phrases in the hope that the billiard balls will cower in fear/etc.
Tamahome: *jumps up*I'm going to go get another drink! *runs off as quickly as he can*
Nebula: Oh...THAT... *rolls her eyes*
Wicked: Yeah, THAT.
Mamoru: *walks up holding a wine cooler and trying to look sophisticated* Did I just hear you say something about me?
Wicked: Yup, and I'm about to explain it, so sit your scrawny ass down! And give it up, you're not cool.
Mamoru: *sits in Tamahome's vacant chair* .....My ass isnt scrawny...
Nebula: Shut up and listen before she gets pissed and kills something.
Wicked: *twitches* Ok, so Mamoru's like the pink ranger - who I HATE, but that's completely unrelated. *waves over another drink before continuing* How, you ask, is Mamo-baka like that little bitch?
Mamoru: Hey! Don't call me "Mamo-baka!!"
Nebula: *slaps his shoulder* Just shut up....
Wicked: Think about it....first off, you've got their "normal" selves.What was her name..oh yes, Kimberly. Kimberly is a limber little wench with NO really fashion sense that decorates the arm of the REAL hero. She wears PINK constantly. only certain people look REALLY good in pink, while she looked ok, there's only so much makeup can do! She's loved by many many people
Nebula: *whispers*You just KNOW they're her customers!
Wicked: *grins* Then you have her "transformed self". Skin tight PINK body suit!!! A bow and arrow..was that her weapon? I dont even remember it was just THAT lame. Oh, her "zord"...a stupid PINK BIRD THING!!! AND to top it all off, her attacks, when she ACTUALLY does them, are almost completely USELESS!!!!
Nebula: *looks thoughtful* hmm...
Mamoru: I dont see the resemblance at ALL! *starts to get up* And I'm not going to sit here and listen to this any MORE!
Wicked: *grabs his wrist* If you leave, I'll be very upset. And then I'll go kill the Usa-bunny. I've been wanting THAT odango dead for AGES.
Mamoru: *sits somewhat reluctantly*
Wicked: Then you've got Mamoru. Absolutely NO idea of what a man should wear! I mean, that HIDEOUS green jacket, the purple (or was it PINK) shirt.... *rolls eyes* C'mon! He follows that blond bimbo Usagi around like a dog, buying her this and that...He's like a trophy you think is great until you realise it doesn't read 1st Place, but 11th!
Nebula: *mutters* But of course, NO ONE realises he sucks.
Wicked: Mamoru does Karate, which says that he's got quite a bit of flexibility himself. *waves finger in a circle* whoo hoo, I'd be impressed if he ever actually USED it!
Mamoru: Now see here, I love that jacket--
Nebula: *again slaps him* SHUT UP!!!! no one CARES about what you have to say! >.<
Wicked: *growls in a VERY unhappy manner* eh-HEM! where was I..oh yes... *sips at what's left of her drink* Mamoru is VERY popular. Look at how many people wanted him! Beryl, Fiore, Rei, Nehelenia, Galaxia..Chibi-Usa...and we're not even talking about the ones that didnt just tackle him with it! *shoots a meaningful look at Motoki, who is across the room hitting on a disgusted Fiore*
Nebula: *chokes on her drink* Doesn't he ever give up?
Mamoru: *mumbles* No...
Wicked: And, as with the pink ranger, not much changes when he transforms! He wears a TUXEDO people!!! And that TACKY top hat! What's his weapon? Is it his "mad karate skills"? NO, he throws down a frickin' ROSE, spouts a buncha incoherent tripe, and then uses that stupid walking stick of his! Nevermind that the rose's stem would BREAK instead of stabbing into the concrete...
Nebula: Yeah really...talk about useless.. What's scary is that everyone always looks at it like "OhMyGod! A rose!!"
Mamoru: *flushes and sucks at his wine cooler* ......
Nebula: AND those speeches are SO horrible! They never make any sense...Hey, Mamo, is there something we should know? Do you smoke crack before every battle? Or Pot? I mean, you've gotta be doing something....
Mamoru: *guilty look* Well, I DO toke up a little, it's really stressful having to save that whining child's ass everytime... *mutters* You have NO idea how hard things are. My DAUGHTER is in love with me, my future wife's chest is almost flatter than MINE, and Motoki..dont get me started.... *whiney voice* "Mamoruuuuu, want to come over and study?" I NEED a little something to keep me going...
Wicked: *claps her hands* The Truth will set you free!!! You're such a whiney little bitch Mamoru. *laughs and looks at Nebula* But you SEE how he's like the pink ranger, right?
Nebula: Yeah...freaky when you think about how Saban wanted the rights to Sailor Moon that time...
Mamoru: I'm not that bad...
Wicked: Oh really? what about that attack..."Tuxedo the Smoking Bomber!"?? Sheesh...when you even DO attack, you're totally useless! *cackles* Dude, you ARE the pink ranger!
Mamoru: *covers his face with his hands* Why wont you people let me live that down!?
Nebula: *raises her glass* I propose a toast to our very own Pink Ranger!!!
Wicked: Here HERE!!! To being completely USELESS in EVERY way!!! *clinks glass against Nebula's and downs the little that's left*
Mamoru: *looks very depressed* ......Im not even a man... *sobs quietly*
The girls burst into laughter as Wicked takes Mamoru's wine cooler and dumps what's left on him. Mamoru, realizing just how much he bites, gets up and runs off to the bathroom. (Presumably to cry, but one never knows...) As we look around the bar, Tamahome can be seen trying to teach Rei and Usagi how to play poker..this isnt working well, since every few moments Usagi tosses something in the air and yells "Luna Pen! Change into a Stewardess!" while Rei keeps slapping an Ofuda on the cards, sure that an evil spirit is causing her to lose. Motoki can be seen making out with Fiore, who he has apparently gotten drunk enough to be seduced.

Thank you for joining our little party..come again, bring a friend or two...remember that Tamahome is NOT to be trusted with money, Nebula is not to be trusted with a pencil, and Wicked is NEVER to be trusted at all! ^_^
The End!