Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ To Love You More ❯ Chapter 1

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Title: To Love You More
Summary: Overwhelmed by her fast approaching future, Usagi runs away with Chibi-Chibi to Kinmoku, only to end up as a maid at the palace. What will happen to her new life when a new enemy threatens the planet and the sol senshi and Chibi-Usa arrive to help?
Pairings: UsagixMamoru, UsagixSeiya, AmixTaiki, MinakoxYaten, KakyuuxSeiya
Note: This is based off of the anime and the idea that Chibi-Chibi was Galaxia’s starseed.
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An older woman with dark hair tied into a bun stepped out onto a balcony holding two different pieces of fabric. She held both up to the light and looked at both with a thoughtful expression. “So what color do you want the tablecloths to be? At first, I was thinking, like, a light pink color, but then I thought maybe that would be too girly. So then I thought maybe a deep red, but pink is your signature color for the wedding, so I wasn’t really sure... The pink might look better with the color of the roses, but I don’t want Mamoru-san to feel too excluded. What do you think, Usagi-san? Usagi-san?”

“Huh?” Tsukino Usagi blinked and pulled her gaze away from the sky to glance at the woman standing behind her. Her wedding planner, Nakamura Akio, was wearing her patented ‘I will remain patient’ look – one that she wore all too often around Usagi. The blonde smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry, Akio-san. What were you saying?”

“Which do you like better?” Akio said simply, forgoing her explanation.

“I don’t know.” Usagi studied the two squares, one light pink and the other a deep red. It was tempting to just say that she didn’t care, but that wouldn’t be very polite. Akio had been putting in a lot of overtime to attend to all of the little details that made up a perfect wedding. The wedding. It was only two weeks away and the mere thought of the event made the icy lump in her stomach grow that much larger. “Which one did you say would work better with the overall theme?”
“The pink one.”

“That’s fine. Mamo-chan won’t care.”

Akio nodded and tucked the two swatches into her purse. There was still a whole list of things for Usagi to attend to, as the final design on the cake needed to be approved, the florist had a question about the bridesmaid’s bouquets, and they needed to schedule another appointment to dry on the dress, but the blonde had become more and more distant as the busy day progressed. As a seasoned wedding planner with over ten years of experience, Akio could spot burnout coming a mile away, and she knew that it wouldn’t before long before Usagi went screaming out the door.

“Why don’t you take a break for a while, Usagi-san?” she suggested, her voice unusually gentle. There was something about the smaller girl that invoked a sense of pity. “I have some calls to make, anyway.”

“Okay,” whispered Usagi. She waited until Akio had gone back inside before she let out a long, slow sigh and put her arms on the balcony. Who knew that weddings could be so damn complicated? It seemed like all she had done for the past year was plan for the wedding. At first, she had been extremely excited about every detail, but now it all felt so silly. Months and months of work for one day. She couldn’t remember the last time she had spoken to her friends, and even when she did have the rare moment, the only thing of interest in her life was the one thing she was sick to death of talking about.

It was no secret that Usagi had never been a particularly bright student, so when she had graduated from high school a year and a half ago and Mamoru had proposed to her on that night, she had eagerly accepted. All she had ever wanted while growing up was to be a stay-at-home mom, so when she hesitantly broached the idea of them becoming married sooner rather than later and beginning a family right away, he had been surprisingly agreeable. At first, she’d been really looking forward to the few days of wedded bliss they would have before Crystal Tokyo began.

But now, she was beginning to regret – and even resent – the long, endless life she could see ahead of her. Rei, Makoto, Minako, Ami – all of them had such bright, interesting futures ahead of them, or at least they would until Crystal Tokyo happened and they became guardian soldiers. Every time she saw how happy Minako was as an actress, or how talented Makoto was as a chef, or how devoted Ami was as a med school student, or how serious Rei was about running the shrine, she felt guilty all over again. How could she ever feel right about them giving up the things they had worked so hard for?

Even Mamoru had that sort of future ahead of him, first as a doctor and then as King of the Earth. It was true that Usagi would someday become Queen, but she had the sneaking suspicion that Mamoru would be the one who would run things while she would operate more in the background. In all honesty, Usagi didn’t think she was intelligent enough to ever be the ruler of anything, which was why she was certain that her role of mother and wife wouldn’t change that much after Crystal Tokyo.

She sighed again and rested her head on her arms. Crystal Tokyo was supposed to be a good thing, but some days, it was really hard to remember why. ‘I’ll still be the same old Usagi, trapped in a world I don’t like anymore,’ she thought miserably. The last time she had tried to tell someone about her fears, Ami had brushed them off as pre-wedding jitters. The notion that apparently every bride felt this way before her wedding was not a comfort. If anything, it made her feel worse. ‘I want to be happy about the life I’m going into, but now I find myself second guessing everything. Why did I say yes to Mamo-chan so quickly? Why didn’t I at least try something else? I know I’m stupid, but even if I flunked out of college, at least I would have known...’ Closing her eyes, she fought back the urge to cry. ‘Will I have to spend forever wondering what I’m missing?’

One of the things that hurt the most was how the situation had been affecting her feelings for Mamoru. Before, he had been her everything, but ever since they had moved in together, she had been noticing little things about him that irritated her. Nothing major, but it was difficult to deal with when she had thought him perfect for so long. Furthermore, because the wedding was so closely intertwined with him, she didn’t want to think about either one at the end of the day. He was being the same old Mamoru – loving, caring, and wonderful – but it felt smothering. She loved him so much... but she wanted to know what else was out there.

Bottom line was, Usagi felt like her path had been set into motion, and the only thing she could do was walk along it blindly. All of the choices had been made for her, and the only thing she had any say in was the color of the tablecloths. What fun was life when you knew who you would marry, the child you would have, the future that was coming...? At first it had been comforting, but now it was aggravating. And there was absolutely nothing she could do.

‘I don’t have any say in my life, and I haven’t for a long time,’ she thought bitterly, straightening up and looking out over the city. She hadn’t even attempted to explain how she was feeling to anyone else, not even Mamoru. Either she would be blown off, or worse, she would be accused of not loving him. ‘I do love him, but... Even before all these plans started, I was the good girl, doing my best to stay on that path. I thought that as soon as I got out of high school, I’d have nothing to worry about. Was I ever wrong.’

A flash of pink light in the street far below caught her attention, distracting her from her depressing thoughts. Curious, Usagi stood up and leaned over the rail to get a better view. The light flickered a bit, and she felt a strange pulling sensation in her chest. The Silver Crystal sang inside of her head as a soft, white flare of light came from her pocket. The light down on the street formed a shape, a very familiar, child-sized shape, and solidified. By that time, Usagi was no longer watching; she was running, through the apartment and past the startled Akio, down the stairs – the many, many flights of stairs that made her hate Mamoru’s apartment building and the perpetually broken elevator – and outside.

The little girl was crouched down, huddled over something she couldn’t see. Struggling to get her breathing under control, Usagi approached slowly as Chibi-Chibi looked up at her with an adorable smile. She looked mostly the same as before, but she had clearly aged; her hair was a bit longer and she was an inch or so taller. Even though her mind was buzzing with questions, Usagi couldn’t help it. She had to smile back. Chibi-Chibi’s extremely cute little grin had always had that effect on her.

“Chibi-Chibi, what are you doing here?” Usagi asked, stepping closer to the child. She knelt down and studied her, noting the adorable white sundress and the little satin slippers. “Is Galaxia here?”

“... Here...” Chibi-Chibi said and giggled. A small sweatdrop slid down the back of Usagi’s head and she put one hand behind her head, sighing. She’d almost forgotten how frustrating it could be to try and communicate with Chibi-Chibi.

“Now I wish I’d called Luna before running down here,” she muttered. “Well, come on. You can stay with me and Mamo-chan for a while.” Rising, she turned to walk back into the apartment building, feeling a little excited. It had been a long time since she’d had a kid around, and truth be told, she had missed it.

“... Seiya...”

Usagi froze with her hand on the door. Her heart turned over in her chest, it really did, and her whole body went cold. Seiya. How hard had she tried to not think of that name or the person connected to it over the years? She didn’t talk about the Starlights with anyone, not even Minako, Mamoru or Luna, and all of them had tried many times. Talking about them was dangerous, especially with how she was currently feeling about the wedding. Talking about them made her conscious of just how much she would give to see Seiya one more time, so she did her best not to even remember that time. Yet a single word from Chibi-Chibi, and the pain was so fresh that it was like the three of them had left yesterday.

‘Just one more time,’ she thought and turned around.

Chibi-Chibi was still standing the in the middle of the sidewalk, smiling. In her tiny hands, she held the Moon Power Tier. Looking at her in that dress was almost like looking at a younger version of Chibi-Usa. Usagi’s throat closed and she struggled to take a breath. The last time she had seen her Tier had been while Galaxia was destroying it. Her hands ached to hold it again, to feel the smooth staff and the power it could emanate. She stared at it, entranced.

“Where did you get that?” she finally got out.

“You could have another chance,” a voice whispered to her, even though Chibi-Chibi hadn’t spoken and there was no one else in sight. It was as though the voice was coming to her on the wind. “You could start over.”

Start over? The thought was tempting, enough so that she took another step forward. But then she stopped, hesitating. It would be cruel to leave when her wedding was so close. ‘I can’t do that to Mamo-chan, no matter how much I want this,’ Usagi thought unhappily. She tried to force herself to turn around and go back inside, but her feet didn’t want to agree. Instead, she found herself taking another step towards Chibi-Chibi, and then another, until she was kneeling down again in front of her.

“Chibi-Chibi,” she began and stopped. Her eyes locked on the Moon Power Tier and her hand trembled with the urge to touch it. Go with Chibi-Chibi? Start over somewhere else? How could she even think about something like that? But on the other hand... how could she pass this chance up? Seiya had given her numerous chances and she had turned them all down, only to spend the last four and a half years wondering what would have happened if she had said yes. She didn’t want to spend her whole life wondering. Surely, it wouldn’t hurt just to go for a visit?

“Come with me, Chibi-Chibi.” Quickly, she scooped the child up, taking care not to touch the Tier. Usagi headed back into the building and up the stairs to the ninth floor. Her apartment was empty, and she realized that Akio must have left while she had been outside. There was a note for her on the table, but she didn’t bother to read it. She set Chibi-Chibi down on the couch and fetched a pad of paper and a pen before sitting down beside her.

What could she write to make it less painful? Usagi gritted her teeth and moved the pen across the page, scribbling a message to Mamoru. She had never felt so low, so sneaky, so disgusting or traitorous, but nor had she ever felt so free. When she was done, and it seemed to take hours, she set the note down on the table where Mamoru would see it when he came in and tossed the note from Akio in the trash. Mamoru would be able to cancel the preparations for the wedding. It sounded mean, but she would be so happy to never see that woman again.

Then she looked at Chibi-Chibi, who was waiting patiently. ‘When will I see my friends, my family, Mamo-chan, Luna again?’ Usagi wondered. ‘What’s going to happen to Chibi-Usa?’ It occurred to her, as she reached out and touched the Tier, that she didn’t really care. Her friends would survive without her, Mamoru would understand, and she deserved the right to be selfish just once. And then, as her fingers made contact, a luminous flash of white light from the Silver Crystal and the Tier lit up the kitchen, so brightly that she cried out and threw her free hand over her eyes, and the whole world seemed to disappear.

Mamo-chan,
I’m sorry. Really, there’s nothing else for me to say beyond that. I know we had all of our hopes and dreams worked out together, but I need to know what is out there for me. I can’t go into the future knowing what will happen while wondering what could have happened. I want you to be happy. I want us both to be happy if that’s possible. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’ll do when I get there. I don’t know when I’ll contact you or anyone else. Please don’t worry about me. I’m doing this because I know there’s something out there waiting for me and I owe to myself to find out what it is. Meanwhile, I want you to follow your dreams. Become a doctor, Mamo-chan, and spend your life making other people happy and healthy in a way that I never could do for you. I love you.
Usagi
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