Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ To The Grave ❯ One-Shot

By: Panchan

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor moon. I am not making any money off of this. In fact, i'm quite broke so there's nothing to sue for, now is there?

~

Dear Diary,

It's me again. For years I've kept this diary up, filling it with memories of my past life, like Luna suggested, I've put everything into these pages, except for one thing. One set of memories that I had sworn I would take with me to the grave, but I can't hold them in any longer. If anyone were to find out about this… well, I don't want to think what would happen. Had this gotten out in the Silver Millennium my family would have been devastated; now I only have to worry about what my friends would say, and that's bad enough.

These memories focus around the only man I've been able to love and who I'm still devoted too. I'm hopelessly devoted…

I was thirteen when I first met him. That night a banquet was being held in honor of the Goddess Artemis. It was the usual affair of food, dancing, and merry-making. Diplomats from all over had been invited, the royal houses of Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto as well as a few others from each of the planets that, while they were not of the ruling order, had power of their own.

During the festivities that night, I at first stayed within my small group of friends- the girls whom with I guarded the Princess. As it was, we were in deep conversation centering around the latest palace gossip when I first saw him. He was sitting a few tables away from our group talking with Prince Endymoin and three other boys only a few years older than myself at that time. Now, you must remember, that though I had heard of Prince Endymoin and his guardians, I had never met them nor had seen them, as that celebration had also been the first time that the royal house of Earth had been invited to the moon kingdom.

I have never believed in love at first sight, it goes against my nature, but when I saw him… there was just something about him. His deep blue eyes, golden hair, that slightly sarcastic, secretive smile. My heart was gone, and that's all there was to it. Fortunately, or should I say, unfortunately, no one saw my interest in him. If they had, it would have saved me a lot of heartache.

Later that night, I found out the hard way that my father (or perhaps it had been my mother) had lined up a virtual army of suitors for me to dance with. Using some tricks that the Venusian Princess, Miran [1], had taught me, I quickly escaped on account of supposed lightheadedness. Brushing off the assistance of the poor boy, I rushed into the gardens prepared to lose myself in the floral maze.

Though I had spent a great deal of my life in the Moon Kingdom, some parts of the extensive grounds were still foreign to me as my daily schedule was usually too busy to permit me to explore. Pretty soon I found myself in an unknown region of the grounds, a small building looming ahead of me in the darkness. I approached it cautiously; to find it was nothing more than a little used gazebo. Climbing the three short steps to the main floor of the structure, I found a small seat bordering the open-air windows of the gazebo and situated myself on it so that my dress would not wrinkle. All around the small building were dozens of flowers, but one type caught my eye. A long, white petal tickled my elbow and I looked down to cup the flower in my left palm.

"What a beautiful Lilly…"

"It's called a Casablanca," A masculine voice sounded behind me, "They're my favorite flower."

I looked behind me to see the object of my heart's foolish affections standing in the pale light, smiling at me. "I'm sorry if I disturbed you," He said, "I had no idea anyone else would be out here."

"No. It is all right. Casablanca… what an unusual name…"

"It means 'White House' in Spanish," The boy, who was roughly fifteen, came to stand near me, leaning on one of the gazebo's support beams.

"A flower named 'White House'?" it was so strange I couldn't help but chuckle. It was odd, one moment with this boy and I was already in good humor; not even my best friend had grown on me that quickly.

"Yeah, it's a pretty odd choice. But the flower's no less beautiful," The teen leaned over me and, muttering what sounded like quick apologies to the plant, plucked the bloom from it's anchor then tucked the blossom into my hair behind my ear. "Though you put it to shame, if I'm not being too forward, my lady."

Those eyes… I could have sunk into those eyes. "Nay, my lord, but I must say that this poor light is doing your eyes mischief for the flower surely overpowers myself."

A smile graced his lips at that, his fingertips brushing my chin as he pulled away from me, "Modest are we? All the grace of a princess, have you. Pray, let me know the words by which you are called that I may seek you out at later dates."

At that moment, a part of me longed to have no names between us, as a sense told me that it would lead to disaster. To indulge it, I deemed to hold out on that, and chose instead to play the part of a mysterious acquaintance.

"And give my name up to a stranger, albeit a charming one? I think not, my lord. However, should you truly want to speak again, you'll find my name yourself," With that said I stood myself, "If you'll excuse me, I really should be getting back to the dance."

The boy grinned at me, that charming, sweet grin of his, "Well then, let us play Rumplestiltzkin," He offered his hand to me, "As I too am headed toward the Ball, perhaps you will allow me to escort you?"

"T'would be my pleasure, good sir," I placed my hand upon his and we walked away, turning only a few corners in the hedge maze before we sighted the open ballroom. When we entered, I could see a tall, bearded man beckoning my escort, for surely no man, save my father, would have dared call me with naught but a hand gesture. Seeing the man, the boy nodded at him and held up a finger, signaling that he would need time to do the proper courtesy of saying goodbye.

"Well, my lady, it seems it is time for us to part," he smiled at me and raised my hand to his lips, holding it there for only a few seconds longer than customary, his eyes boring into mine the whole while, "Till we meet again, my sweet Casablanca."

I couldn't help but smile, "Till we meet again." He walked away then, and so ended our first encounter. A few moments later and I was swept up again in the dances and merriment, but I never saw him again that night. In fact it was months before I saw my heart's desire again, and in that time a few changes had been made in my way of life. No one noticed these except my friends, mainly Miran.

She was really the only one who knew anything. That was because I trusted the Venusian Goddess.

"So, who is it?"

I turned my attention to the blonde sitting on my bed, "What do you mean?"

"Rei, I'm from Venus, for the Gods sakes, I know love when I see it. Now, who is it?" Miran smirked, crossing her arms over her chest and giving me that 'Just admit it' look of hers.

"It is not what you think," I countered, turning away from the vase of flowers I had been arranging.

"Rayna Contess Necou Mars [2]," The Venusian chided, using my full name, much to my disgust, "Do you honestly think that I will believe such nonsense? We have all noticed it, you know, and you seem to be looking forward to the Ball next week rather than your usual hatred of such affairs. What is going on?"

"Well… I…" I moved over to the bed and sat next to her, leaning close and whispering even though I knew that no one was listening, "At the Artimus Ball I met this guy. I don't know his name but…" I could already feel the blood rising in my cheeks.

"You didn't get his name? You are hopeless, but anyway, what was he like? Tall, dark and handsome?" Her eyebrows waggled expressively and we both laughed.

"No… Well, he was not dark, anyway. Taller than me, with these gorgeous blue eyes and short, blonde hair, around fifteen… what?" Miran was staring at me; her eyes wide with what seemed to be… fright? Shock?

"Oh Gods…" She whispered, "He was not hanging around four other guys was he?"

"Well, yes."

"One with short black hair, one with long white hair, one with long blonde hair that bore a resemblance to him, and the last with long brown hair?" She asked, horror sounding in her voice. A very bad feeling was creeping down my spine.

"Yes…"

"Rei… that's Jadeite Fuegojoya!"

My world was shattered. I had committed one of the worst sins a Martian (much less a Martian Princess) could; I had conversed, and even begun to like a Fuegojoya. Perhaps a little family history would clear things up.

Thousands of years ago there was a revolt on Mars that almost uprooted the Martian royal family. At the middle of this rebellion was the Alhaja Fuegojoya, a woman with just the right amount of royal blood to take the throne from my great-grandmother, whom had just inherited her birthright. Royal blood, of course, was required else the sacred fire shrine, the key to our leadership, would reject the challenger, forcibly if necessary. After the problem was taken care of, the entire Fuegojoya line removed itself to Mercury, who willingly took them in, causing our families previous dislike for the planet. That hatred had been tempered, of course, by the start of the Silver Millennium, but our antipathy for the Fuegojoya, whom had continued their active disapproval for our house, was still active today.

Miran, of course, said she'd never tell a soul, but we decided it was best if I stayed away from him so that the infatuation would have no chance of continuing. I believe this was the origin of the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." For the next three Balls -there were many on the Moon Kingdom- I, with Miran's help, avoided Jadeite at all cost. It wasn't that hard, as my family had been invited to all three and my father, or mother, had a line of suitors for me that stretched for miles. Several times I saw him casting me odd glances, that spark of laughter gone from his eyes and I couldn't help but feel bad about it.

Finally, five months later, I couldn't stand it any longer; I just had to see him. I talked it over with Miran, and we figured it would be safe to at least tell him that I couldn't speak to him. The upcoming ball was actually a mask to celebrate the Princess' thirteenth birthday, so I could probably talk to him openly without anyone recognizing us, which suited me just fine.

At length the day of the mask arrived, and I spent my time getting ready. Together, the five of us, Serenity, Miran, Amiru, Literi and I [3] had decided to go for a group dress theme of home colour and favorite flowers. As you know, we were all into theme dressing at the time, so it wasn't unusual for our group to be seen in similar outfits. Together we chose a dress pattern, and then each of us had our dress made in our home world colours, red monotone for me, with accents of our individual favorite flowers. For the latter I chose Casablanca without even thinking about it. I'm sure Miran, had I told her of the flower's significance, would have reminded me, but I forgot that until we were getting ready and by then it was too late.

With Casablanca decorating my hair and dress I went to the mask, making sure the red and white one I bore stayed in place the whole time. That night my parents had been too busy to attend, and my elder siblings would never have put me through the dancing ordeal so I didn't have to worry about royal protocol, for that situation, anyway. What I did have to do was worse. It was near midnight by the time that I first saw him. The banquet had already passed and all of my friends had been swept away by different boys, or their own brothers or father. Having no one to partner with, to my relief, I settled myself out on the desolate terrace, leaning against one of the columns that held the roof to the open-air annex.

I stood there for quite a while, watching the dancers with remote interest. So far I hadn't seen one person that could have even possibly been him, and was slightly grateful for it, though a good portion of my heart longed to speak to the strange teen yet again. These thoughts occupied me for a long while, and so lost in thoughts was I that I never even heard the steps approaching me.

"Why the cold shoulder, Casablanca?"

I practically jumped out of my skin. Turning to face him, I found myself staring up into those deep blue eyes of his, perfectly entranced, "Jadeite…"

"So, you've learned my name? I'm afraid, my lady, that I have yet to find yours." He was standing on the low railing behind me, and easily took the small step down, his eyes questioning mine all the while.

"Rayna," I answered, jerking my gaze from his. In that split second they had been in contact I had seen the realization already dawning.

"So you've not only the grace of a princess, you've the title of one as well," I hated this, I could hear an edge creeping into his voice, "and because of my family you deemed not to continue a friendship?"

"It is treason," I whispered, watching Literi dancing with a brunette male.

He sighed, "I know." For a long moment we were silent, each casting glances at the other periodically.

"Maybe one day it will not be…" I started, hoping I was not crossing a line, "but it cannot while..."

"While my family continues their defamation of yours."

"And the other way as well."

"I don't think they're right," Jadeite whispered, as he had to for his father and other family members had chosen to attend the mask.

I looked over to him and could tell that he meant it, "Just as we are not right for continuing our hatred for your people." Our eyes met, and I think that we both knew we wouldn't be able to part for long. Jadeite and I were a foil, two pieces of a puzzle that had yet to be worn around the edges. Privately, we were the best of friends, each able to be perfectly at ease with the other. Not even Miran knew that I had continued my friendship with Jadeite and Jadeite… I never told Jadeite of the strong feelings I held, and still hold, for him. For even though we were friends, as I have said before, to be more would be worse should it ever be found out. Besides, to this day I do not know if my feelings would have been reciprocated.

In my past life, I was never able to speak of my love and his mind was poisoned by Queen Beryl and Metallica. From that we were killed and sent to Earth to be reborn. In my new life, it was I who delivered the killing blow in my first battle as a Sailor Senshi. I had to kill the only man I've ever been able to love. Even my crush on my father's assistant I now know was because he reminded me of Jadeite.

These secrets I'll never be able to tell to anyone else, no matter the cause. In love with the enemy, still in love with him. I don't think I can write anymore, but I have one last thing to say. I love Jadeite, and nothing will ever change that. Just as much as Usagi and Mamoru were meant to be together, I feel that Jadeite and I were meant to be even if we never got the chance to confess it.

Rei Hino ~ Rayna Mars, Senshi Princess of the Kingdom of Mars