Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Touch ❯ Touch 6 ( Chapter 6 )

MarshAngel

watsonma@hotmail.com
http://angelmoon.sinfree.net
rated R-NC17
disclaimer: standard i.e.: no claim of ownership has or will be made

This is an alternate reality/first season story. There is NO Mamoru (Darien), NO Tuxedo Kamen, NO Rini and NO outer scouts. Usagi is known to be the Princess, they've defeated Beryl and they have no real memories of the past. Usagi and friends are around sixteen. Further explanations? Email.
This fanfic is tentatively rated R and if so requested I will change the rating to NC-17 but I don't think its too explicit so I'll leave it at R for now.

Touch
Chapter 6

Usagi awoke early the next morning, refreshed from having finally achieved her goal: an excess of six hours of sleep. For a change she wasn't angry with herself or anyone else for being awake on a Sunday morning before noon. She stared up aimlessly at the ceiling and for a few blissful moments her mind was as blank as the white plaster. For that short fraction of time she gave no thought to her past, present or future; none of it existed. It was a heavenly moment.

But it was a mere moment, one that was shattered by the intrusion of reality. She had a desperate urge to pee, which she repressed for a few moments, attempting to squeeze every ounce of comfort from her warm and comfortable bed. She was forced to turn her head to the side when a trace of something sweet drifted towards her nose and there on her nightstand sat a pungent dark red rose. She closed her eyes, wishing it away. When she opened them it was still there. Was there never a moment she could escape his touch, his scent, his memory, or his presence?

There was also the amazing aroma of breakfast wafting up the stairs and under her door and it was that attractive odor that pushed her out of bed, into the bathroom, and eventually down the stairs where yet again a place had not been set for her as no one expected her.

She frowned looking at the empty spot where she'd intended to sit.

"I didn't expect you down dear," her mother said apologetically. "Just get a plate and join us."

Usagi joined her family for breakfast for the first time in a really long time. It was so strange to be with them like this. Over the past year she was fortunate to be able to sit down to dinner with her family. Her little brother Shingo was talking about friends she'd never even heard of and her parents nodded and replied, obviously knowing what was going on while she felt a little confused and very left out and she was too embarrassed to ask.

She could feel the distance between herself and her family, as it was now something palpable in the air. It was as much a result of the past year as much as the past few days. Examining things from their perspective, she couldn't help but wonder if they chalked her distance from the family solely up to her being a teenager or if they sensed there was something else.

Today was worse than all the previous days. She felt guilty for being different, for not having been there, but worst yet, after the past week, she hardly felt as though she belonged at all. It was as though her old self, with the return of her memories, had been replaced by an entirely new person. She was neither Serenity nor Usagi at the moment. She was caught somewhere in between.

"So, how was your sleepover with your friends?" Her mother asked, attempting to include her unnaturally quiet daughter in the table conversation.

Usagi was silent for a moment, her mind going light speed.

"It was fun," she replied smiling widely, attempting to make it look as natural as possible.

"What did you girls do?" Her father asked.

Since when was her father interested in what teenage girls did together? She rushed through a list of possible replies, eliminating what usually happened when they slept over and some of the stuff that actually had happened. Discussing the Dark Kingdom, training to kill, and talking about her sex life and past lover: none made the list of appropriate responses to a relatively easy question. What did normal girls do on sleepovers anyway?

"Nothing much really, just some girly things. We just hung out and talked, I guess."

She was proud of her reply. It was entirely plausible, pretty much the actual truth of what they had done before going to bed.

"I'm happy you had fun dear you seem a bit stressed lately," her mother replied.

Usagi looked up from her food, glancing at her parents. She'd almost forgotten the reason for the tension between them. Once again Endymion was the cause. It wasn't that her behavior before the incident with the letter hadn't been questionable but she had never snapped at her parents or really given them any evidence, other than her distance, that anything out of the ordinary was happening in her life until recently.

She didn't doubt that the letter, in addition to her teacher's recommendation that she see the psychologist, had caused them to think about the changes over the past two years. She could see the barely hidden concern on their faces and there was nothing she could do to allay their fears. The fact that she was up this early and sharing breakfast with her family didn't mean that the bond that had been broken was going to be renewed, that she would be home on time and wake up on time or do better in school. If anything it was the beginning of new disappointments.

Her breakfast was going sour in her mouth. There was probably nothing she could do to change the way things were or how they would be. This didn't feel like her family and she was almost certain it would become less and less like her family as the years passed. They wouldn't be witnesses to her triumphs only her failures. They wouldn't ever know that there was a time when she was intelligent, mature, graceful, and respected.

She had begun to push her breakfast aimlessly around her plate without lifting a single bite to her mouth.

"Is something wrong Usa?" Her father asked.

"No," she replied hurriedly. "Why?"

"You seem a little withdrawn. Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"No. I'm fine."

There was silence at the table and Usagi was aware that attention was focused on her. She couldn't help but fidget under the watchful eyes of her family. They were trying so hard not to make it obvious that they were looking at her trying to figure out what was going on in her mind.

"Usa, is there anything going on that we should know about?" Her mother asked tentatively.

Usagi was a little surprised that they'd chosen to bring the subject up now or at all.

"I don't think so," she replied quietly.

"You seem so distanced lately. I feel like you're hardly ever here."

"I've just been busy that's all."

"With what?" Her father asked

Usagi shifted nervously in her chair.

"School and friends I guess."

"Usagi, you're not doing very well in school, so I can't believe that you're focusing on that at all. This latest incident makes me wonder just what is going on. Your mother and I have been thinking of pulling you out and sending you to a smaller private school."

Usagi was stunned. There wasn't much she could say to that.

"You're obviously having problems. Maybe it's the atmosphere or the teachers but I refuse to believe you're stupid. I think it's time we addressed the situation."

"What school?"

"We're not sure yet. We've been looking at a few local private schools as well as boarding schools."

"Boarding school?" Usagi gulped. She couldn't go to boarding school. It wasn't even an issue. Why was it that at every turn her life just seemed to get more complicated?

"Yes. I think a change of atmosphere would be good for you. I think these friends of yours control way too much of your time," her father stated.

"So in order to gain control back from them you want to send me away?"

"We just want to do the best we can for you Usa. You're not at your best right now and I think your friends are a part of that. I have no doubt they're wonderful girls but it seems to me that they are the focus of your attention rather than your school work."

Usagi was having a hard time believing this. It seemed to be coming out of nowhere.

"I don't believe this," she muttered.

"We'd like you to take a look at a few brochures, see which ones you like." Her mother said it encouragingly with a smile as though she should have been pleased by the thought of looking through a bunch of brochures advertising schools of all things.

"No."

"Usagi. It's not open for discussion," her father said sternly, a bit surprised at her determined opposition but immediately taking an opposing stance.

"Not open for discussion?" Usagi snapped. "This is my life and it's not open for discussion?" She tried with difficulty to maintain control of her voice and her temper. "I don't want to look at any brochures. I don't want to go to boarding school and I refuse to give up my friends. God knows they just may be one of the few things keeping me sane in this fucked up life I got stuck with."

Her parents' eyes went wide and her brother's mouth hung open. She pushed away from the table and turned her back on her family.

"Usagi!" Her father yelled. She didn't turn around. She walked out the front door slamming it behind her.
****

Usagi sat quietly aimlessly on the cool wooden floor of Rei's bedroom and without actually looking or understanding, flipped through an old magazine. Occasionally she glanced up to check the status of the light outside, frowning, as the light grew dimmer.

It had been one of those weeks, the kind where nothing seemed right in life and Usagi would be happy to see it end. All week Mitchell had been a thorn in her side. She hadn't said a word to her parents since Sunday nor had she looked at any of those brochures. She had a feeling that if she didn't make a choice they'd probably make one for her.

She had no solutions to her problems. The only good thing to happen all week was the quick end of her period. Just one more day of school and then she could relax for another weekend, hopefully. Although, with the way her life was going, she should probably strike the words relax, fun, and easy from her vocabulary.

"Is there any chance of you smiling sometime within the next six months?" Mina asked, looking at Usagi's down turned expression and fiery eyes. It had been a long time since Usagi had cracked a real smile. At the moment the expression on her face could have depressed a clown. She supposed the happy-go-lucky air headed Usagi was history.

Over the past week they had been adjusting, yet again, to the new sides of Usagi's personality, brought out by her occasional reversion to her past self. She was so much more serious and less frivolous than she had been even a week ago, which said a lot when one considered she hadn't been her joyous self for quite a while.

"Don't hold your breath," she muttered in reply.

"Endymion? What did he do now?" Mako asked as she walked in to the room, her arms laden with food, which to her disappointment Usagi didn't immediately lunge at.

"Not Endymion, my parents. I still can't get over the idea of them sending me to boarding school. On second thought, you know what, this is his fault entirely!" She said angrily. Sometimes I think I really hate that man. He has made my life a living hell."

"I hate this waiting around, wondering when next he's going to show up and where," she gestured dramatically. I hate this game he's playing, whatever it is, and most of all I hate the fact that I actually want to see him." She politely accepted a proffered cookie from Makoto.

"When did you last see him?" Rei asked.

"Saturday night, well actually Sunday morning."

Rei's raised her eyebrows in response.

"It's not what you think," she snapped. "Nothing happened; although he did get rid of my cramps." That goes on record as the nicest thing he's done for me in a few thousand years."

"The man's is trying to get laid. I think he's finally figured out that trying to kill you is probably not the best way to your heart," Rei commented.

"You're as astute as you are obnoxious," Usagi replied without rancor.

"Anyway, I must go home."

"So soon?" Rei asked.

"Why if I didn't know better I'd think you were going to miss me Rei."

"Yes, but you know better."

"I need to start going home earlier. I'm attempting to impress upon my parents that my life does not revolve around you guys and that I'm perfectly capable of some semblance of academic achievement."

"Oh great!" Rei muttered. "They're definitely sending her to boarding school."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Pyro," Usagi grumbled.

"That's what friends are for," Rei replied brightly.

Usagi left, thinking the same thoughts she'd been thinking all week. Was Endymion's revenge linked solely to sex? It certainly seemed that way; the idea made her feel like a whore. He'd have nothing to do with her beyond their sexual exploits.

He hadn't visited her once since she'd started her period but then she supposed he really had nothing to say to her. What would be the point? It would just be yet another argument. She supposed he'd show up as soon as he figured her cycle was over. Men were such pigs!

Of course Endymion was now only half of her current problems. It never rains but it pours. Problems attract problems like flies to garbage and her life was beginning to resemble a dump. She was beginning to think moping about not having a man was much better than the problems of having one, and when the school issue proposed by her parents was tossed into the mix, it made for miserable days.

She couldn't help but blame herself for most of the situation however. She might not have been able to push Endymion away but she could have attempted to maintain control of her temper before her parents. That was one of her latest challenges. She'd repressed the more fiery side of her personality as Princess Serenity in order to fit the role she was destined for. She was having a much harder time doing that this time around and quite frankly she really didn't want to.

She walked into the house feeling the oppressive weight of the current tension between herself and her family settling on her shoulders the moment she stepped through the doors. Today, as could be said for the whole week, had not been the best of days. Thursdays had once been her favorite day of the week but if the days continued like this it would sink with the rest of weekdays into the bog of despair.

She had arrived at school exactly on time at the precise moment the bell rang. Apparently it hadn't been early enough for Mr. Mitchell because he had reprimanded her harshly in front of everyone and given her detention. She was honestly beginning to hate the man and she could sense the feeling was mutual.

Fortunately, he hadn't been the one in charge of detention. She'd wasted two hours of her day there and when she'd eventually dragged herself from school to the arcade, she'd found out her friends had already left for the temple. She'd walked there but had not been able to spend as much time as she'd have liked avoiding her own house.

She heard voices as she headed towards the living room. She wasn't as early as she'd hoped because her father was already home. She walked into the living room and was so stunned she had to hang on to the back of a chair to steady herself.

All eyes turned to her as she whispered, "Endymion".

"Hello Usagi."

Endymion sat comfortably on her couch as though he were a welcome guest. She was frozen in place, simply staring at him.

"Usagi do you know this man?" Her father questioned giving her a confused but somehow interrogatory look.

"What are you doing here?" Usagi demanded of him, ignoring her father's question.

"Where do you know this man from?" He father demanded.

Usagi went pale. There was no good way to explain him. Did she introduce him as her psychologist, her lover, the man she'd betrayed millennia ago? What had he told her parents?

"What's going on?" Usagi questioned.

"Enough!" Her mother snapped impatiently. "Will someone just answer one question without posing a new one?"

"This man," her father spat distastefully, "walks into my house and claims he wants my daughter, that it would be in our best interest to give my teenage daughter to him for whatever sick purpose he has in mind! I want to know where the hell did he come from? I should call the police." He made no move towards the phone however, still awaiting an explanation.

Usagi looked at her father incredulously, glancing back and forth between him and the calm and relaxed Endymion.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she growled at him when she'd finally recovered from the shock of his presence.

"Like your father said, I'm here to claim my rights."

"Your rights? What rights?"

"My right to have you. The right I should have claimed before your mother so many years ago."

"Are you insane? You have no rights. You never did and I assure you, you never will!"

"I'm not going to wait around for the reincarnation of your fiancée to show up again. This time I'm making sure you're mine first and last."

"Fiancee? Usagi I want you to explain what the hell's going on here! Who is this man?"

"I'm your daughter's lover Mr. Tsukino; past, present, and future. The same one she betrayed a few thousand years ago, give or take a century or two. Isn't that right Serenity? Of course she goes by Usagi now but there's no denying it. This is the Princess of the Moon and its warrior Sailor Moon."

Usagi paled as her parents turned to her in shock and disbelief. The look in their eyes was painful. They didn't know her; they didn't trust her.

"Usagi?" Her mother whispered, her voice shaking. "Is this true?"

Usagi's tearing eyes said everything.

"Why didn't you say something?" her father asked. "How could you keep something so important from us? And what about the rest? Did you sleep with this man?"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't tell you. I didn't want to put your lives in danger."

"Is that really it Serenity? Or were you just trying to control the situation the way you always do?" Endymion questioned. You played the same act with Queen Serenity."

"Stay out of this Endymion!" Usagi warned.

"Why does he call you that?" Usagi's mother asked.

"It was the name of my mother, the Queen of the Moon; the same name she gave to me several thousand years ago. When our kingdom was destroyed I was reincarnated along with my court, the Sailor Senshi" Usagi explained.

They stared at her in shock. She could see there was debate as to whether to accept her story, whether any of the shocking information placed before them was true at all. It seemed for the moment, perhaps just to humor her and the situation they accepted her words as fact, with the promise of many questions in the future.

"And him?" Mr. Tsukino asked, directing his attention to Endymion.

Endymion said nothing, looking at Usagi expectantly.

"Endymion was the Prince of Earth… and my lover," Usagi replied stiffly and quietly.

"Was?" Endymion asked, baiting.

Usagi's anger and frustration came to a boiling point but she breathed in deeply and tried to maintain control. Her parents looked at her expectantly.

She turned to Endymion. "I may have slept with you once Endymion but I am seriously doubting that will ever happen again," she said in a low tone with a fierce determination to her voice threaded through with anger.

He didn't seem to be affected by her words. He was arrogantly certain that she would let him touch her again.

"So this is your revenge," she stated almost calmly. "I think I understand now. You won't stop until you've ruined every facet of my life. Are you happy now? Why did I ever think to involve myself with a bastard like you?" She spat angrily. "How could I, for even a fraction of a moment have thought that…?"

"You loved me?" he finished for her when it was obvious she was unwilling to say anything further. "You still can't even say the words can you?"

"You don't like being at the other end do you, Serenity? He spat. "How does it feel to be used Serenity? What does it feel like to be touched and pleasured, and made love to, only to know that in the end it amounts to nothing? Maybe I should just walk away like you did."

For a moment he was silent and she could easily imagine him doing just that. It sent a dozen unanswered questions flying through her mind. Would she be happy if he walked out of her life forever?

"Tell me that what we had, that what we have, is nothing but sex," he demanded. Tell me you don't love me and I'll leave you alone. You can go back to your boring little life and forget I ever existed. Just say the words."

"Love?" she spat distastefully. You don't even know what the words mean. We have never had anything even vaguely resembling the word. I can hardly believe you dare to bring up the words in my presence!

"Is this your idea of love?" she waved an arm around the whole scene. "This debacle?

"You don't know a damn thing about love Endymion. All this is, is an attempt to control my life the way it always has been. I refused to let you control me all those years ago and I sure as hell am not going to let you do it now. I never allowed myself to fall in love with you. I might not be able to control the desires of my body but my heart is my own.

"If this is love you're claiming, how is it that after you took my virginity you wouldn't even come near me for the entire week of my period? We have nothing between us but sex. Nothing!

"I am sick and tired of these games we play. What are they? We use each other, play off a few emotions. You try to make me admit that I love you so that you can have the ultimate control over my life. I don't want this. I don't want you."

"I don't love you. Just leave me alone and stay the hell away from me and my family!"

The room was eerily still for a few moments.

Abruptly Endymion got up and walked over to her.

"Love isn't about control, it's about giving it up," he whispered. He walked past her. "And you know as much about the subject as you think I do. Goodbye Serenity."