Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Touch ❯ Touch 7 ( Chapter 7 )

MarshAngel

watsonma@hotmail.com
http://angelmoon.sinfree.net
rated R-NC17
disclaimer: standard i.e.: no claim of ownership has or will be made

Despite threats to my well-being, or perhaps because of them, I have managed to get another chapter out. I am surprised and very pleased to see people enjoying this story. Thanks for the reviews.

Touch
Chapter 7

Usagi stared at the empty space where he'd sat only a moment before. Her mind was a blank; there were too many thoughts in her mind for any single thought to come to the fore and make any type of sense. There was only one thing she was certain of; he wasn't coming back. And she was at a loss for an explanation of what had just occurred.

She turned away and walked slowly up the stairs, the voices of her parents fading into the background. Once in her room, she spent hours just staring blankly at the ceiling. How had her life come to be this complicated?

Once again she wondered what it would be like to not have been born into royalty, to not have been reincarnated as a moon princess, to never have gotten her memories back. Life before Sailor Moon, before the return of her memories, was nothing more than a faded memory.

There was too much life in her young head. Her life experience covered thirty-five years, nineteen of those during the Silver Millennium. The experiences of her past life and the hectic pace of the last two years made her pre-sailor moon days seem unimportant.

It was strange that for the small fraction of time Endymion had been in her life, he was suddenly elevated into such a prominent position. Endymion was the man she'd given her virginity to twice. He had been the source of her most contemplative moments. Dealing with him made her question everything, made her rethink her every decision, her very existence.

Why was he so important?

His words echoed in her thoughts for hours. "Love isn't about control, it's about giving it up. And you know as much about the subject as you think I do. Goodbye Serenity."

Love. She had never been foolish enough to let herself believe in that lie. She had never expected the romantic variety in her life. She'd grown up believing she would marry Mael, they would have children, and she'd attend to her responsibilities as a queen. When Endymion had come along it had been exciting, utterly thrilling, perhaps even a touch romantic at times, but love?

There had been times when she had desperately needed Endymion in ways that extended beyond physical desire; when she had felt an indescribable need just to be next to him. But surely that had all been attributable to the fact that he was the only one she'd completely confided in and trusted. She frowned in frustration and bitterness. He was right. She knew nothing about love. She couldn't even determine her own emotions.

She didn't go down for dinner, nor did she wake up for school the next morning but no one knocked on her door. And it was only the call of nature that finally willed her out of her stupor. She was hungry.

Usagi eventually came downstairs by midday. Her mother was hand writing a letter in the kitchen.

She glanced at the clock. "Good afternoon Usagi. I'm sorry, I should probably call you Serenity right?"

Usagi furrowed her brows and stared at her mother oddly. It seemed she was serious, even a little concerned.

"Why would you want to call me that?" Usagi questioned.

"That is your real name isn't it?"

It was only then that she grasped the hurtful reality of her own mother treating her like a stranger. Usagi supposed it was to be expected when she considered that just last night her mother had come to realize that she really knew very little, if anything at all, about the child she'd given birth to. She might even be wondering if Usagi was her daughter at all.

"No. Serenity died a long time ago. My name is Usagi," she reminded determinedly. Besides, Serenity was always more of a title than a real name."

"She doesn't seem dead at all. That woman," she paused momentarily after stressing the words, "I heard speaking last night didn't bear any resemblance to the innocent Usagi I thought I knew."

Usagi sat down at the table across from her mother. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Why? What do you have to be sorry about? You can't change who you are. I just wish I knew who that was." Ikuko sniffled quietly.

She paused and Usagi was at a loss for what to say but her mother continued.

"I can't even grasp the concept of you being a reincarnated princess with superhuman powers. It doesn't seem plausible but it somehow makes sense and I can't help but believe it."

"I'll always be your daughter, Mom. Nothing will ever change that."

Her mother gave a small smile. "My daughter the moon princess. It certainly explains your absences and those injuries you claimed were the result of clumsiness." Her expression turned serious.

"I didn't sleep well last night."

"You and me both," Usagi muttered.

"I was worried," her mother said. "Every time I thought about all those times you were out there risking your life… And don't tell me that it was ok. You got hurt. You could have died!"

"Mom…"

"It's a mother's duty to protect her child, instead you're the one out there fighting, putting your life in danger for everyone else and I feel so useless. After last night I can't help but feel that you've grown up so much and I've missed out on so much of it.

"Mom…"

"A mother should know her own daughter!"

"Mom, stop it! I'm not going to let you blame yourself for this. You didn't know because I didn't tell you. If I've changed how could you know when I've spent so much time making sure you wouldn't find out?

"I've tried so hard just to make sure that the horrors I have to face never touched you. I guess I didn't realize until recently how estranged I've become from my own family because of it."

"You could have told us Usa. You shouldn't have to face all that on your own. We might not have been able to fight but we could have done something to help you through it. Yes we would have worried, but that's our job. I worry about you when you walk to school! Especially since you always seemed to come home damaged in some way."

Usagi hung her head feeling a little ashamed. "I guess Endymion was right. I'm always trying to control situations even when it's obvious that they weren't always mine to control."

Her mother frowned. "We need to talk about Endymion."

"I know," Usagi replied quietly.

"I didn't understand what happened last night. I take it your relationship is a carry over from your previous life?"

Usagi nodded. "Endymion is… was, the Prince of Earth.

Her mother raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "The entire planet had a prince?" She questioned skeptically.

"In a manner of speaking. I'm not quite sure how long it has been really, but I suspect it has been at least two thousand years since Earth had a majority ruler. There were, of course many people who did not fall under that rule but for the most part yes, despite constant power struggles and tribal wars, most of the Earth was once united under one empire and Endymion was their Prince Royal."

"And the moon also had a civilization of its own?"

"Not just the moon but the other planets as well."

"Why haven't any evidence of these civilizations been found? Especially the one on Earth?"

Usagi frowned. "I've been asking myself that a lot recently, and it occurred to me that when Queen Serenity ruled, during the Silver Millennium, there was never a Dark Kingdom, not as a literal place as it is now. When all our civilizations were destroyed by the Dark Kingdom, to save our future my mother sent us all to the future and locked the Dark Kingdom away. But since there was never a Dark Kingdom outside of the one on Earth, she must have simply shifted everything associated with the Dark Kingdom and everything it destroyed, including Endymion's kingdom into a parallel dimension.

Her mother nodded in understanding. "What's the story with you and Endymion?"

"Back then, I guess I was 18 going on 19, I had an upcoming marriage that had been arranged at a young age, I led a pampered life and I was bored and looking for excitement. Endymion had a kingdom to rule that was essentially an enemy of the moon kingdom. We had a secret affair that… well it got complicated. Our relationship was always rocky and when you add the weight of treason and the fate of both our kingdoms as well as my blackmailing fiancée, well it was a disaster. I betrayed him by not standing up and admitting that there was something between us and he fought to the end defending my life and almost died in the process."

"He wants to marry you," her mother stated.

Usagi paled in shock, her eyes going wide with surprise.

"That's why he came yesterday. He told your father that nothing would get in the way of his claiming you for his wife. I guess he didn't expect you to react the way you did. Of course his methods weren't exactly what I would call romantic."

Usagi was silent. She'd been stunned by her own reaction. Now she was stunned again. Endymion wanted to marry her. For a moment she was simply stuck on that singular thought. Endymion wanted to marry her?

She couldn't help but wondering why? She'd left him. He didn't even love her did he?

Both women were silent for a good while. Usagi eventually shook off the air of contemplation, attempting to free her mind from all thought of Endymion. All night she'd thought of nothing but him. He'd returned to her life for less than two weeks and had managed to turn it upside down. But somehow the idea of him not being there was concept her mind refused to grasp. Why was it that since the moment he'd appeared he'd consumed her every thought? And the thought that he wouldn't be back left an empty space in her life.

She searched the kitchen for something to eat. When she'd found something that seemed somewhat edible in the refrigerator she sat down to eat.

"I think we need to talk about sex Usa," her mother announced looking at her directly. She very nearly choked on her food.

"You slept with Endymion."

Usagi looked at her expectantly. What now?

"I hadn't expected you to be sexually active at this point in your life." She gave Usagi a slightly disapproving look. "I won't lecture you on the emotional risks of carrying on a sexual relationship I suspect you've discovered those all on your own. "But since you are having sex, I think it's important that you be safe. I made an appointment for you with the doctor tomorrow. I want you on birth control. And you must be responsible and use condoms as well.

Usagi stared at her mother in shock. It took her a moment to finally recover.

"I don't think we'll need to worry about that anymore. Endymion won't be back."

There was silence for a moment.

"I'd like you to be safe anyway," her mother stated.

Usagi acquiesced. She could sense that there would be no point in arguing.

Usagi spent the remainder of the day trying in vain not to think about yesterday. She couldn't believe she actually, momentarily regretted not going to school. It would have at least kept her mind somewhat occupied. She was surprised her mother hadn't even mentioned her truancy. But she knew there had been other concerns.

She willingly subjected herself to all the homework she hadn't done previously just for something to pass the time and keep herself occupied. It seemed to have worked because when she looked up at her clock it told her it was late afternoon.

The light that had been streaming copiously through her blinds was now nothing more than a dim haze. Her homework was done and she was at a loss for something to do. She almost laughed at that idea. It was a rare thing to want to do something besides sleep.

She was tempted to go out and visit Rei or Makoto but with everything in the open between her and her family, she had a chance to get close to them again. If she left now it would easily be assumed that she was falling back into old patterns. She looked down at her desk, swept a bunch of papers aside and pulled out the brochures her parents had not so discreetly placed on her desk days ago. She looked at the covers, shocked at the number of choices but even more surprisingly, the locations. There were two or three Catholic schools in Tokyo that she recognized as being some distance away and one in Kobe and another as far away as Sapporo. But more shockingly there were boarding schools in the United States, England, and Australia. Usagi was shocked at just how far her parents were willing to send her just to ensure her academic future. They had enough money and enough pull to make sure she got into most of these schools and they were willing to use it.

The irony was that right now the idea didn't seem so bad. Granted, the idea of being as far away from home as Suffield Connecticut in the United States or Victoria Australia was more than a little scary but if one was trying to get away, a few thousand miles should do the trick. Getting away from her life was gaining a lot of appeal.

Unfortunately getting away wasn't an option. She had responsibilities that kept her here and friends whom she could hardly bear to leave. In moments like these however, her responsibilities felt like a trap.

There was a light knock on her door. She offered an invite. Surprisingly it wasn't her mother but Ami.

"Ami!"

"Hey Usagi, you weren't in school today. What happened?"

"Endymion."

Ami frowned. "He's been causing you a lot of problems lately. What are you going to do about him?"

"You don't like him do you?" Usagi asked.

"I don't trust him. Anyone who invades your privacy the way he has and who has that amount of power is dangerous and not someone to trust."

Usagi nodded, not so much in agreement as in acceptance of her friend's opinion.

"You won't have to worry anymore Ami. Endymion's gone, and I don't think he's coming back," Usagi announced quietly.

Ami's eyes widened with surprise. "What happened?"

"I came home yesterday and he was here with my parents."

Ami was visibly shocked by that statement but she remained quiet.

"We had a huge fight right in front of my parents and he gave me this ultimatum. He demanded that I admit that our relationship was more than sex. He wanted me to tell him I loved him and I said no. I told him to go and he did. He's not coming back."

Ami was stunned silent. It was almost a minute before she could say something.

"I don't understand."

Usagi managed a stiff smile. "I don't think I've ever heard you say those words before.

"You don't love Endymion?" Ami asked disbelievingly.

Usagi was stumped for an answer. That was what she'd told him. Why was it so hard to repeat the same words?

"I…I don't think I know what love is."

Ami nodded, more out of respect than belief. "So your parents know about…everything?"

Usagi nodded. "My mother's ob-gyn squeezed me in for an appointment tomorrow. My mother wants me on birth control."

"Wow. I bet you never thought your life would turn out this way two years ago."

Usagi chuckled humorlessly. "Sometimes I wish I could just start my life over and never meet Luna, or become Sailor Moon. But I guess that would mean never having met you either. It always comes down to that.

"Sometimes I swear that if not for you guys I would walk away from it all. I've been looking at these brochures and suddenly the idea doesn't seem so bad. I just think that if things were different I might probably be downstairs with my parents trying to decide which school I was going to. But I'm not sure I could leave you guys behind."

Ami smiled sadly. "I understand." She picked up some of Usagi's brochures. "Two years ago I was looking at schools like these too. Some as far away as Switzerland and Germany."

"And then I came along with Luna," Usagi added bitterly.

"Usagi please don't say it like that. I would gladly give up the opportunity again if it meant that I would know you and Rei, Makoto, and Mina. Everyone has things that they planned to do with their life but then life happens and we realize we were never in full control of our destiny."

"As much as we'd like to believe that we are always the driver at the wheel in our life, sometimes things happen that affect us, that change the straight and narrow paths we had planned for ourselves. Sometimes it's for the worst, other times for the best, but more times than not we get the good and the bad all wrapped up in one package like a gift we're obligated to accept whether we want it or not."

"But don't you ever just want to get away? Doesn't it bother you, especially since you're so gifted, that we may be fighting for the rest of our lives? What if you never get a chance to follow your dreams?"

Ami was thoughtfully silent for a short while. "Yes. I think about it a lot. But then I realize that we are senshi. It is our destiny to fight, not just against evil, but for our dreams as well. Like my mother always says: 'where there's a will, there's a way'."

"My parents think I need a new school to help me do better. Maybe they're right. If I don't start doing better I may have to fight harder than I'm prepared to just to have some semblance of a life outside of my senshi duties."

Ami nodded solemnly. "I'm glad you're finally taking this seriously, Usagi."

"I guess I just finally began to see how much my parents care about me and my future. I think they'll be more understanding of why I have to stay but…" she trailed off.

"You kind of want to go," Ami completed.

Usagi looked at her guiltily. "I can't, of course. It wouldn't be fair. You stayed when you had so many opportunities waiting for you elsewhere. It wouldn't be fair to you or to the others for me to run off while you have to stay here and fight. Besides, I don't know if I want to be separated from you all."

"It's not about being fair Usagi. It was my choice. I could have gone, I can still go and I just know you'd be ok without me. But I chose to stay. You need to do what's right for you.

"I just hope it's not Endymion you're trying to run away from?" Ami questioned with mild disapproval.

"I told you, he's not coming back."

Ami looked at her oddly. "And you're ok with that?"

"Of course. I asked him to leave didn't I?"

"Then why can't you look me in the eye when you say that?"

Usagi didn't reply. When it was obvious that she had no intention of doing so, Amy changed the subject.

"Well I brought your homework," Ami announced.

"Thanks," Usagi replied.

Ami raised an eyebrow. "What? No complaints? Why I do believe you're getting serious about your education. Is this all because of your parents or something else?"

"I never knew you were such a persistent nosy person," Usagi commented, smiling.

"Endymion told my parents that he wanted to marry me."

"What!" Ami spat.

"I might have said the same thing if I could have found my voice when my mother told me."

"It was like a wake up call. I know it probably doesn't make sense but the idea of having accomplished nothing before my first marriage proposal was just a little strange. I guess I just realized that I was growing up quickly and I have been denying the fact for so long now. I can't just sit here and let my life pass me by."

"You're right. It doesn't make sense. You're thinking way too much," Ami replied.

"Now that is something I've never been accused of."

****