Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Touch ❯ Touch 9 ( Chapter 9 )

MarshAngel

watsonma@hotmail.com
http://angelmoon.sinfree.net
rated R-NC17
disclaimer: standard i.e.: no claim of ownership has or will be made

This is a short chapter and I apologize but it had to be cut here maybe because the remaining few chapter/s will be longer… I hope. It's a pivotal moment…

Touch
Chapter 9

Usagi stared at the phone. She had a date in two hours. She hadn't chosen anything to wear; she hadn't begun to get ready. She should call and cancel. She really wasn't in the mood to socialize.

She rationalized that it would only be fair to cancel the date with Hisahiko since her mood was significantly less than the best for a first date. All day she had thought of Endymion and she hadn't even once attempted to push him from her mind. She kept seeing herself reflected in his eyes and the devotion she'd seen in them in those last moments.

She had hurt him so much, she now realized. She hadn't thought of the things she'd said to him in this way before, the horrible words had slipped from her lips without thought. She'd thought he felt nothing; that all he'd wanted was for her to admit her love only to throw it back in her face. But now the pain of guilt seemed to have established itself so securely her body seemed stiff with it.

She sighed and looked at the clock. Another half hour had passed. Would it be more unfair to cancel, or to go on a date thinking about another man?

She was getting a headache.

She went over to her closet and stared blankly at the numerous rows of clothes. At this rate, he'd be here before she even made up her mind.

Pink, blue, lavender, pink, white, yellow, blue…

She groaned, muttering under her breath at the Easter color display that was her closet. Why hadn't she had the foresight to buy something at the mall when she'd had the chance? Now everything seemed so cutesy, so light-hearted, and a bit on the childish side. Somehow none of it seemed appropriate for a date she wasn't sure she wanted to go on. Why didn't she have something in a nice somber brown… and then she remembered; she hated brown, and black, and gray. Perhaps it was because she didn't want to clothe her exterior in anything even vaguely resembling any of the feelings she had inside.

She continued to stare unmotivated at her clothes. Did she even have anything to suit the weather? It was a foggy, wet mess outside, something she'd once heard referred to peas soup weather. If peas soup were anything like that she'd rather skip that particular meal. She chewed on her lower lip, shifting the hangers back and forth.

When she took a few more minutes to think about the matter however it was relatively simple. She wasn't making an attempt to look particularly attractive. Her aim wasn't to get a boyfriend. The last thing she needed at the moment was another man in her life. She would wear the only thing in her closet that was black, comfortable, and weather appropriate: black pants and whatever shirt turned out to be acceptably modest and pretty. It couldn't fail. She would look relatively appropriate for anything and she wouldn't give the impression that she was inviting more than she intended.

She got dressed and put on the minimal amount of makeup it took to look dateable including the necessary concealer to hide the dark circles beneath her eyes. She was amazed she still had ten minutes to go. She went downstairs to watch TV while she waited.

Before she could get comfortable her mother walked into the living room.

"Where are you going?" she questioned looking at Usagi's pink blouse and dress pants curiously.

"I have a date," she mumbled wishing her mother would disappear.

There was an unmistakable look of surprise on her mother's face. She seemed to examine her daughter thoroughly for a moment before sitting next to her.

Usagi cursed her luck.

"You didn't tell me about a date," Ikuko said in that subtly accusatory tone that held concern and curiosity as well as the slightest touch of disapproval only a mother could manage.

"Well I have a date," Usagi stated simply, keeping any emotion from her voice.

"With whom?"

"Hisahiko."

"Hisahiko?"

Usagi sighed. "Hisahiko Murakami. He's a senior at my school."

Ikuko hesitated, not quite sure whether to say what was on her mind. She supposed she should be pleased that Usagi was participating in a normal teenage event. Until recently she hadn't really noticed that Usagi had never been on a date before and when she'd discovered the reason she had been as upset and concerned as any mother would be. It was just one of the reasons she wished she could send her to a place where she would be safe, where she'd have a chance at normality. The kind of responsibility and weight that rested on Usagi's shoulders was more than anyone her age should have to bear.

Now that she was actually about to go on a date however, it all just seemed wrong somehow. It was too soon after Endymion and judging by the fact that she was ready early, and seemed so unexcited about the event, there was something very wrong with the entire picture.

Usagi saw the look on her mother's face and sighed.

"What?" she questioned.

"You don't seem very excited," her mother commented hesitantly. She was wary of seeming judgmental because it seemed to take very little to set her daughter off lately.

"It's just a date Mom."

"You've never been on a date before."

Usagi frowned. How had she not realized that fact? Her first date would be with a gorgeous guy she should be going nuts over but instead she was sitting here on her couch in a bad mood.

"I'm just worried that this date seems a bit soon after… well you know."

"It's not. Hisakio's a really nice guy."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course he's a nice guy. Why else would I go out with him?"

Ikuko couldn't help but roll her eyes. "You know that's not what I meant."

"Does it really matter?"

"Of course it matters sweetheart. It wouldn't be fair to use this young man to get past what you had with Endymion," Ikuko voiced Usagi's thoughts aloud.

"I'm not," Usagi lied.

Ikuko could see she wouldn't get very far with this conversation. She sighed and got up. Before she left the room she turned around and looked at her daughter with visible concern in here eyes.

"Please be careful Usagi. Remember what we talked about." The moment the words left her lips she knew she shouldn't have mentioned it.

"Mother! I can't believe you!" Usagi screeched hysterically. "Just because I'm not a virgin doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with every man that crosses my path," Usagi yelled.

"I didn't mean…"

"Then what did you mean Mom?" Usagi cut her off demanding angrily.

There was no answer to the question as the doorbell rang and Usagi grabbed her purse and walked out the door.

"I take it something's wrong?" Hisahiko asked when they'd settled in the car.

Usagi forced a smile. "Nothing out of the ordinary; just a fight with my mother that's all."

Hisahiko glanced over at Usagi who was now staring at the passing scenery outside her window quietly. From the distant expression on her face it didn't seem at all like 'nothing'. Since he'd met her he'd noticed there was a sadness about her that never seemed to go away even when she smiled. He wished he could make her smile more; it was a beautiful, if rare, sight.

Usagi stared aimlessly, a dozen thoughts running through her mind. She willfully closed her mind off to the torrent of thoughts and the emotions connected to them. There was someone else right next to her who should be the focus of her attentions.

"So where are we headed?" she asked with forced brightness that sounded false to her own ears.

"I thought we could head over to a café I know and then go down to the lake in the park. Is that ok with you?"

"Sounds great!" she announced with a little too much enthusiasm.

He chuckled lightly. Her forced attempt at good humor was charming. He hoped he could take her mind off whatever it was that kept bringing back that distant sorrowful look in her eyes.

"Don't get too excited. I don't know if can live up to such great expectations."

"Is that faltering confidence I hear?" Usagi teased. "I never knew you were capable."

"I'm capable of many many things," he replied confidently to her quip.

The slight smile on her face faded momentarily. When he'd said that just then, it had sounded like such and Endymion-like thing to say; and for just a moment he'd sounded so much like him. She pushed the thought aside and forced a neutral almost smiling expression to her face. He hadn't missed the flickering change however.

"Why do you do that?" he asked

"Do what?" she questioned confused.

"Cover up what you're feeling with smiles."

"What do you mean?" she asked as if she didn't have a clue what he was referring to.

"I haven't seen you smile much since I met you and the few times you do it never quite reaches your eyes. Something happened or is happening that causes you pain and you try to hide it but it's obvious something's wrong."

Usagi was silent.

"You can tell me about it you know."

Usagi was tempted to explain but decided it was best not to bring up her problems.

"You don't need to be burdened by my problems on a first date. Besides, it will pass."

He seemed as though he'd argue for a moment but seemingly changed his mind and decided to leave the subject alone.

***

Usagi looked around the café for what must have been the hundredth time. She had never been here before and was surprised to find such a cute spot so close to her home. It was decorated in earth tones with abstract images hanging on the walls and although they had a full menu of good food, it was the rich scent of roasted coffee beans that flooded the room.

She returned her attention to Hisahiko. It was nearing the end of the meal and Usagi wasn't sure what was happening. She was enjoying herself somewhat, talking to him about everyday unimportant things and laughing at his humorous quips particularly those making fun of her teachers, but in the back of her mind she kept thinking about her dreams, about Him. She tried to put a happy face on things and exude an air of comfort and relaxation but the very fact that she was trying so hard made her a little tense.

Hisahiko seemed only vaguely aware of her discomfort and she felt horrible for not letting him know that she wasn't interested in him as anything more than a friend, especially when he seemed so attentive and considerate to her every need. She decided she'd let him know at the end of the night. There was no point in ruining a perfectly good and extremely rare night out.

She looked over Hisahiko's shoulder at the door. Her eyes widened at what she saw. His back was turned to her but she was certain it was Endymion. He held the door for a leggy red head that preceded him.

"Endymion" she whispered aloud.

"What?" Hisahiko's voice brought her back to reality. She momentarily looked away to see Hisahiko's confused expression. When she looked back she was stunned by the reality of what she saw. It was someone else entirely; just another man with black hair and broad shoulders like dozens of others around. How could she have even thought…?

She realized she had been leaning out of her seat and ignoring her date and she sat down, confused, embarrassed and unwilling to analyze the momentary surge of jealousy she'd felt at the thought of him with another woman. Her face flushed for a moment at Hisahiko's questioning stare. He had followed the direction of her stares but had come up empty for a reason for her almost jumping out of her seat.

Her mind raced for an explanation. "I thought I saw someone I knew," she explained honestly.

"Endymion?"

Usagi paled. "How did you…?"

"You whispered it out loud," he replied before she could finish the question. "Who's Endymion?"

Her mind went blank and no reply seemed to be willing to flow from her mind to her lips. How did she explain him to Hisahiko when she could hardly explain him to herself at times?

"Endymion is…" she began slowly hesitating as she thought through what she intended to say.

"…The guy who caused all your pain," Hisahiko finished insightfully.

Usagi was silent, thinking to herself.

"No. I think I caused myself all this pain," she whispered, staring down at the tablecloth, not seeing the geometric patterns that covered its surface. She came to a sudden, terrifying realization and a tear trickled down her cheek. A single tear turned into several and before she knew it she was sobbing, much to Hisahiko's consternation.

"I'm sorry," she muttered unintelligibly through her sobs and sniffles. She was trying to regain control but it seemed an impossible feat. She'd ruined everything for herself, for Endymion, for Hisahiko. She was embarrassing Hisahiko with her hysterics and the poor guy didn't even have a clue why she was crying.

She was aware of eyes staring at her and Hisahiko trying in vain to comfort and quiet her. Her entire body grew hot and shook underneath the questioning eyes and embarrassment, and a dozen emotions coursed through her body propelling her out of her chair. She grabbed her purse and ran through the door only vaguely aware of Hisahiko calling her name.

She ran blindly not even noticing people getting out of her way, yelling at her rudeness and staring at her strangely. Her mind screamed a dozen nonsensical things at her but above everything else there was her own voice screaming for what she'd lost. Endymion. She ran faster until her skin was covered in a fine sheen of sweat and mist from the air and her heart and lungs seemed ready to burst from her chest to escape her weary body. If not for the fence before her she might have run right into the lake and the concept didn't bother her at all; the temptation remained for a few more moments.

Her mind seemed to be searching, calling, begging and pleading for something. She stared out over the water through her tears. The rain grew heavier soaking her through but she didn't move. Her life was a mess and she was in the worst pain she'd ever experienced in her life, a pain that had been building almost unnoticed for weeks. Wearily she sank to her knees, not caring about the damp grass and the mud.

It was sick pathetic irony to find herself in love with Him after she'd pushed him away, lied, and betrayed him yet again. How could she have been such a fool yet again? The saying was true hindsight was twenty-twenty. It was so much easier to see the foolish mistakes now that she'd made them complete and irreversible. Why did it take so long for her to see it?

Her entire mind and body screamed his name.

Hisahiko had no idea where Usagi could have gone but after tossing down a few bills on their table he' d run outside in the direction she'd disappeared. She had disappeared so quickly he hadn't quite believed she could run that fast in heeled boots. He had wandered aimlessly looking left and right to see where she had run off to.

He stopped one or two strangers asking if they'd seen the pretty blonde girl running. He accepted a few insulting remarks about her rudeness but they merely confirmed that he was headed in the right direction. It quickly became quite obvious she had headed towards the park.

Sure of where she was, he picked up speed, amazed at how far she'd traveled in such a short time. He entered the park and headed down the main path. Directly where the path split into the circle that surrounded the lake he saw her on her knees, in the pouring rain still sobbing. He made a move to approach her and was shocked when to his amazement and disbelief she screamed "Endymion" and disappeared into thin air.