Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ What Might Be ❯ What Might Be ( One-Shot )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

A/N:
...Wow. I just found this hidden away in one of my files. This is what i first wrote when thinking Rei/Usa pairings. Kind of rough around the edges and such, but i'm happy with my "Happy or Happier" series, so there will be no editing. Just thought i ought to post it for fun.

What Might Be

Kami, that girl was beautiful! Eyes that rivaled the deepest blue skies. Hair that was softer than anything ever imagined. That mouth, small and perfect, which spouted nothing but happiness and love. Those hands that were so delicate and caring, yet powerful when need be. And nothing could compare to that heart! So compassionate, so loving, so selfless. She was perfect. Her Usagi-chan was perfect in every conceivable way.

Hino Rei let out an almost imperceptible sigh as she mindlessly swept the stone steps of the Hikawa Jinja. She knew there was no point in daydreaming about her blonde savior. It would only cause her more pain. More anguish. More sleepless nights, wishing on all of the stars above to make it possible. But it never once stopped her from filling her head with images of the blonde princess.

And Rei could never have her.

No, that blessing belonged to Mamoru and Mamoru alone. The tall, dark, and mysterious prince of Earth. Oh, how she hated him! She hated him for being able to hold Usagi close. She hated him for being able to touch those cheeks, those lips, that hair, those hands without abandon. She hated him for being able to make Usagi happy.

Yet… she also loved him for all of those things. She was grateful to him beyond belief that he could and did make her princess happy. Because, if anyone was deserving of happiness, it was Usagi.

And if Usagi was happy, that was all that Rei needed in life.

Rei was a warrior, a protector, a bodyguard and a friend to her princess. That was what Usagi needed. And that was what Rei provided. Friendship, support, motivation, loyalty. And every second that Rei had to pretend she was satisfied with being a friend, every second that Rei had to pretend she didn't want to be so much more to the protector of love and justice, killed her.

But Rei would willingly die, HAD willingly died, for her princess. Her savior. Her angel.

And as long as Usagi needed her, Rei would be there. She would be her constant. And she would never leave her side. Rei was okay with misery, as long as she had done all she could to keep a happy Odango-Atama as happy as she could be.

She would ignore her own heart and cater totally to her Princess's needs, making sure that her feelings remained unknown. All of her wishes would remain daydreams, and her wistful sighs she would explain away as a new crush on a random store clerk or school athlete. She would hide her heart from everyone, hopefully even herself.

And that plan had seemed to work. Until about two weeks ago.

In the last couple of weeks, Rei had noticed a change in her princess's behavior. Yes, Usagi still laughed and smiled and klutzed out, but it seemed just a bit forced. Her relationship with her senshi generally stayed the same. But things between the blonde and the miko were definitely changing.

Usagi now seemed to distance herself from the priestess. Making sure that they were never alone in the same room. And, if she wasn't so sure that she was just delusional, Rei could swear that Usagi had been watching her when her back was turned. As if the blonde was waiting for something. As if the blonde was trying to work something out.

And that was when it hit Rei.

Usagi had figured it out.

The broom that had been diligently sweeping against the ground stilled in its constant motion.

Usagi had found out about Rei's feelings for her.

White, bloodless fingers gripped the handle of the broom tightly.

Oh Kami… What had she done?

Her princess, her savior and her life, knew about Rei's infatuation with her. And she was distancing herself from the miko.

Rei could have sworn she actually heard her heart breaking. A pain worse than any she had ever experienced ripped through her as she sank to her knees, letting the broom fall as she now clawed desperately at her chest where she now felt a hollow pain.

Usagi had found out. Usagi had found out. Usagi had found out.

And she was disgusted.

That was the only thing that could explain the princess's odd behavior. The way she never went shopping with the miko alone anymore. The way she made sure that the other senshi were always in the room with the two of them. The way she watched Rei constantly.

Her princess wanted nothing more to do with her. And her life was over.

Stumbling over to a nearby bench, Rei let her tears fall as she tried to pull what little of herself that still remained back into order.

Biting her tongue to bring herself back from mindless despair, Rei forced herself to rationalize. So her princess found out that she was madly in love with her. So her princess wanted to separate herself from the fiery senshi. What difference did it make?

Rei had already promised herself that no matter what her princess wanted then Rei would do her best to supply it, no matter how much pain it caused the raven haired girl. If it made Usagi happier than she already was, then Rei would do it. For her princess. Because she only wanted her princess to be the happiest she could be.

Grimacing against the tearing sensation in her heart, Rei decided. She would let her Usagi have what she wanted. And if what the blonde wanted tore the flesh from her bones, the soul from her being, then so be it. She would do anything for her. And she could live with the pain.

With that decision made, she finally let herself go. Tears fell from her eyes in torrents as she tightly gripped a nearby tree for support. Anguished cries tore themselves from her throat as she tried to hold on to herself. And she didn't try to stop herself. Because if she was going to be in this much pain for the rest of her life, then she needed a release.

What seemed like hours later, her tears slowed and stopped. Not from her calming, but more from the lack of tears left to cry. The gash in her heart throbbed painfully, causing her to hiccup and sob every once in a while.

Standing on shaky legs, she stumbled back through the courtyard and into the Jinja, desperately trying to get herself to the safety and privacy of her room. She left the broom where it had fallen, and she left the unaccomplished chores alone. Nothing she did mattered to her anymore. Her princess didn't want her around, and nothing else mattered.

Practically slamming the sliding door of her room shut, she fell bonelessly to the floor. She stared at the ceiling from her floor, and felt one last stubborn tear fall from her eye.

“My princess doesn't want me.”

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Meanwhile, across town in a tiny little apartment, a couple sat cuddling on an ugly green couch. Well, one was cuddling, the other was just enduring.

Usagi frowned as she felt her boyfriend shift next to her, his content sigh brushing her neck in a warm whoosh of air. His arm was wrapped around her waist in a loose but possessive grip that the blonde had once found so amazingly pleasing. But right now all she could think about was the confusion she had been experiencing the last few days.

And that confusion rotated around a certain senshi of fire.

The blonde didn't know what to think anymore. Only a few weeks ago she could look at the miko and not feel a thing besides extreme friendship. Sure, she liked the raven haired girl, but nothing could explain the way Rei made her feel now. One day not so long ago, she had glanced at the girl and it was as if she had been struck by lightning. Every nerve ending tingled and her heartbeat jumped from her chest and into her throat. Just by one look, she had felt like she had all those years ago when she had just met Mamoru.

Accept, Mamoru had never affected her as much as her senshi was affecting her now.

And that was what scared Usagi the most.

After only a couple of days of those now all too familiar reactions to the sight of Rei, the princess had finally admitted it to herself. Somehow, some way, she had managed to fall in love with the girl. And she had fallen hard.

Grunting softly as the arm around her waist tightened uncomfortably, Usagi sighed.

“I love you, Usako.” Mamoru's voice was rough with drowsiness, and he nuzzled the back of her neck with his nose, waiting for her to answer with her customary words.

Automatically, the blonde in his arms replied. “Until forever.”

But forever must have ended months ago. Because she now knew she loved another. She found herself in love with Rei.

After having made this nerve-wracking discovery, Usagi had become fearful. Okay, fearful was putting it mildly. She had become terrified. Terrified about ruining the future. Terrified about what her family would think of her if they found out. But, most of all, she was terrified of what the miko would think of her feelings. That is, if she ever told the girl about them.

All of that fear had led to where she was now. For over two weeks, Usagi hadn't spent one day alone with Rei, for fear of what she would do in the miko's presence. She had hardly any restraint as it was when others were around, but being alone in the same room with her would be like throwing gallons of kerosene on an already blazing fire. She wouldn't be able to not touch the girl, or kiss her, or take a pair of handcuffs and…

Gah! Bad, dirty Usagi! Don't think about that, it'll only make it worse! Since when had she gotten a sex drive? She never had one with Mamoru, that was for sure.

Speaking of the overly protective and gallant clout, what was he doing to her ear? Was that his tongue? Kami. That was just… gross.

Sighing again, Usagi leaned away from the overly affectionate touch (overly so for the prince of Earth, anyway) and slowly got up. When he shot her a questioning glance, she made an excuse of going to the bathroom before she disappeared down the hall.

After locking the door and turning on a faucet to drown out her groan of annoyance, she leaned on the sink and stared at herself in the mirror.

Why had she even come over tonight? When she had picked up the phone to find him at the other end of the line this morning, she had grimaced. And, when he had asked if she could come over tonight to watch a movie with him, she had almost said no. What was it that had changed her mind?

Shaking her head, Usagi sat on the side of the bathtub and leaned her forehead against the cool tile of the wall.

She knew why she agreed. She agreed so she could see if she even loved the man anymore. She wanted to know if this falling in love with Rei thing was just a fluke. She needed to know if she still had some feelings for the man called Chiba Mamoru.

And now she knew.

Pulling herself up and turning off the water, she walked determinedly down the hall to grab her coat and head for the door.

Mamoru's head shot up as she passed the couch without stopping. “Usako? Where are you going? The movie isn't over yet. Usako?”

At Mamoru's protest, she just glanced back at him and threw a random and empty excuse over her shoulder before she opened the portal to her freedom and her unknown future. If she closed that door behind her, she knew that it would close off all possibilities of reconciliation with the man who had held her heart for so long.

The door swung shut without a single second of hesitation.

A small smile made itself known on her lips as she heard the resounding click of the latch behind her.

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Rei shifted to her side and groaned, the usual amnesia of waking from deep sleep hitting her full force. Opening her eyes, she became even more confused. Was she on the floor? Why on earth…

Oh.

Groaning again, louder this time, the miko rolled onto her back again. Staring at the ceiling, she sorted through her recovered memories. She cursed loudly when her heart throbbed painfully against her ribs as the image of a blue eyed princess flashed through her mind.

Great. Now she remembered. She fell asleep here on the floor where she had collapsed hours ago after yet another bout of tears. It was amazing, really. She hadn't realized that she could cry so much. Even when her mother died, she hadn't shed so many tears.

Sighing as she felt the now all-too-familiar pressure building up behind her eyes, she shut her them tight, trying to fight the tears that just kept coming. The only escape she had was sleep, and her body would let her do only so much of that.

Wake up, cry, sleep. That had been her routine for the last… two days? Had it only been that long? It felt like so much longer.

Groaning as she submitted to the tears that refused to be ignored, Rei groaned again. If it had felt like an eternity already and it had only been two days, how would she survive the rest of her life?

Now sobbing uncontrollably, the senshi of fire curled into a tight ball, fully intent on spending the rest of eternity on the floor in a puddle of tears.

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Usagi made her way up the stairs to the Hikawa Jinja. She had left Mamoru's apartment with a fierce determinism. But, now, she just felt like a scared little girl about to admit her silly crush to the most popular boy at school.

She couldn't help but chuckle. Okay, so maybe she wasn't feeling exactly like that. Well, at least not about the crushing on a boy part.

She also knew that this wasn't just some little crush. Her heart told her that it was full blown, until the end of time, head over heels in love.

And she couldn't be more sure.

Stopping for a moment to catch her breath and try to calm her rattled nerves, Usagi thought for a moment. She was about to confess her feelings to Hino Rei, her friend of many years, her fellow warrior. She was shaking uncontrollably, her heart beating a mile a minute. She felt as if she was going to be sick and the palms of her hands were slick with sweat.

But she felt amazingly light as she reached the top of the steps and made her way across the courtyard.

Usagi felt as if she could fly even without Eternal Sailor Moon's wings.

Sliding open the Jinja door, she made her way to where she knew Rei's room was. Taking a deep breath when she finally reached the door to her fate, the nervous yet ecstatic Champion of Justice gripped the handle.

She felt an unintentional grin form on her features.

And as she slid open the door she felt that grin fade to nothing.

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Rei heard the door slide open, but she didn't really care. She didn't care if she looked a complete mess, with her tangled hair and fatigued and freshly tear-streaked face and rumpled clothes. She didn't care that her room was a mess from earlier when she decided she needed to break something and ended up totaling everything that was within reach. And she especially didn't care who it was. She really didn't care if it was Yuurichiro or her grandfather, and she really didn't want to bother turning over to see.

But when she heard a soft, feminine gasp, and felt cool fingers gently press into her back she couldn't help but wonder, in a sort of horrified silence, if she should have locked her door. Or at least barricaded it with the dresser.

Swallowing hard, Rei turned her bloodshot eyes back to try and identify the intruder. Tired and teary amethyst met concerned cerulean blue, and she felt her heart stop.

No.

No, it couldn't be her. She shouldn't have come. She shouldn't be there, seeing what a wreck her so-called protector was.

Sitting up abruptly, the miko turned her face away as she tried to hide her haggard features. Her voice was rough from her crying and screaming. “Usagi…”

She couldn't understand. Why was her Rei crying? What would make her Rei cry?

And it looked like she had been crying for a long time. Her room was a mess, like it had been ransacked. And Rei herself didn't look much better. Her usually tediously cared for hair was a mess of dull and tangled black. Her clothes were wrinkled and mismatched. But the worst thing to behold was her face. Tearstains littered her cheeks. And her eyes… Rei's eyes were sadder than Usagi had ever seen.

It broke her heart.

Reaching forward, the blonde gently grasped the miko's chin and turned her face to look at her. She could feel the trembling in Rei's body, and suddenly felt like taking the girl in her arms. Barely maintaining her self control, Usagi forced herself to speak.

“Rei-chan… Why are you crying? What's wrong?”

The princess felt like crying herself when she saw the senshi of fire's face contort just slightly into a grimace at her words, fresh tears again filling her tired eyes.

Usagi felt herself getting desperate to help her miko, to fix whatever was wrong. “Rei-chan, tell me. What's wrong? You need to tell me.” Her confession could wait until everything was okay again.

Rei pulled away from her, turning her face away once again. “I don't need to tell you. You should already know.” Her next sentence was so soft that Usagi had to strain to hear it. But hear it the blonde did. And she flinched as if struck. “You're the one who did this to me.”

Wrapping her arms around herself, Rei continued. “I can't help the way I feel about you, Princess. I was never in control when it came to you.”

Usagi frowned. “Rei-chan… what are you talking about? Please, help me to understand.”

Rei turned her watery gaze onto the blonde. “I love you, Usagi. And I know that you don't love me.” The senshi of fire sniffed, feeling her resolve to not lose total control start to crack. “You ought to leave.” The raven haired miko turned fully away from her princess, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs.

Usagi blinked, her eyes widening. Wait… what had Rei just said? She pinched her arm hard, and grinned at the hurt. It wasn't a dream. Rei really loved her? Was that why she was crying? Because she thought it unreciprocated?

The former sovereign of the Moon Kingdom got up, still grinning, and walked to the door. She gripped the handle and slid it closed, softly clicking the lock into place, keeping anyone from interrupting the first night of her and Rei's new future.

Rei winced inwardly as she heard the footsteps walk away from her and she had to keep herself from crying out. But when she heard the door close, she felt her resolve break. Sobs wracked her fragile form, shaking her body violently.

So it was finally over. Usagi had walked away. She had left. And now Rei was going to be alone.

So lost in her despair, it came as a shock when she felt a pair of strong and warm arms wrap around her shoulders from behind. She stopped sobbing, she stopped breathing when she felt warm breath on her neck and heard a soft voice in her ear.

“Don't cry, Rei. Don't cry over this ever again. Don't think that your feelings aren't returned in full, if not more.” Usagi took a deep breath, still feeling that happy grin in place. “Don't ever doubt that I love you right back.”

Rei's face registered nothing but shock. And when she felt lips press gently against the base of her neck, she lost control.

Spinning in the soft grip, she turned and pulled her Princess into a rough kiss. Her arms wrapped around the smaller figure tightly, pressing the blonde's body completely to her own. Her fingers found and buried themselves in loose blonde hair. Her lips slanted violently across Usagi's, crushing, almost on the verge of painful. She heard the girl in her arms whimper, but paid no attention. She was going to get what she wanted before the blonde regained her sanity.

Usagi gasped as Rei lightly bit her lower lip, giving the miko a chance to take full possession of her princess's mouth. What she found there blew her away. Not only was her princess submitting willingly to the rough onslaught of kisses and touches, but she was retaliating. Rei almost passed out when she found herself wrestling for domination in the kiss, and felt the touches and scratches on her back from beautiful, slender fingers.

She was surprised to no end when Usagi took the initiative and pushed them both down to lie on the floor, the blonde laying halfway on top of the miko.

Soft lips left hers, and the raven haired warrior almost groaned in disappointment before she felt those same lips attack her neck. She gasped when a tongue found the sensitive spot right below her jaw, and moaned when lips and teeth nipped at her earlobe. Small yet determined hands roamed her body, rubbing up and down her sides, leaving soft and bewitchingly light trails across her stomach.

One of those hands came up to bury itself in long black hair, tightening into a fist and keeping Rei's head in once place.

The blonde pulled away, and looked into amethyst eyes that were clouded with lust. She nipped at the girl's lower lip. “Rei?”

Unable to answer Rei just tried to catch Usagi's lips with her own, still desperate for the contact.

Leaving a wet kiss on the pleading lips, the blonde continued. “Do you love me, Rei?” She leaned down and licked the shell of her senshi's ear.

Moaning deep in her throat as her eyes slid shut, Rei answered. “Yes. Kami, I love you.”

Going lower on the miko's neck, Usagi bit softly at the hollow of her throat. “How much do you love me?”

Digging her short nails into the blonde's shoulders, all she could do was whisper. “With all that I am. Forever until death and beyond.”

Grinning widely against the skin of Rei's neck, Usagi let the hand not fisted in the black silk of her senshi's hair to drift down and slide under Rei's shirt, gently caressing the soft skin of her stomach. “Will you stay with me, Rei? Will you be mine? Will you face an unknown future with me?”

Exotic eyes opened, peering softly up at the blonde goddess above her. Her voice was low, but sincere when she spoke, more filled with love and truth than with the lust that was still visible in her eyes. “Forever. I'll be yours. I'll stay by your side. I'll face the fires of hell itself, together, with you.”

Tears sprang unbidden to crystal blue eyes, and she buried her face in the black hair she had wanted to touch for so long. “I love you, Rei. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Rei, feeling the beginnings of a smile, gently rolled them so that she was the one to hover over her blonde haired angel.

Tears of happiness still fell from blue eyes and the miko kissed them away, her heart leaping when a gentle smile graced the pink lips of her love.

The smile on her own face widened, and she leaned down to press her own lips to Usagi's before kissing gently along her jaw and to the sensitive place right behind her ear. “It's my turn to take care of you, Princess. I'll always take care of you.”

Grinning at her Firebug, Usagi couldn't help but laugh. “I know you will, Rei. I know you will.”

Dawn broke across Juuban, bathing the slowly waking streets in the soft light that always came with the beginning of a new day.

And, for the first time in years, Hino Rei wasn't paying the sunrise any heed. She wasn't sweeping the steps of the Hikawa Jinja free of almost nonexistent dirt and leaves. She wouldn't be found in the fire room meditating. And never again would she be caught daydreaming of a forbidden love.

No. For once, Hino Rei was still asleep as the sun came into the sky. Her dreams were undisturbed and quiet. And a smile that could almost be called a sleeping grin rested on her face. All because she had her Savior. All because her Usagi held her close. All because her Princess loved her.

And neither Rei, nor Usagi, would have it any other way.