Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Wok was That? ❯ Single Chapter ( Prologue )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and its characters don't belong to me. Lazulite and Esperite are mine.
Note: I include everything from hatred (no, I do not hate Malachite. He's my fifth fave character overall.) to Britney and Jerry Springer as a reporter. So later on, don't say I didn't tell you so…

Wok was that: What happens when Malachite, Zoycite and the DOD try to take over the world!

Maaallllllaaaaaccchhhiiiitttteee!!!!!"
* Malachite stops throwing darts at an image of Lazulite pinned to the wall*
Malachite: … What do you want? Can't you see that I'm busy hating someone?
* Zoycite pouts *
Zoycite: Sorry… It's just that something terrible has happened!
* Malachite reluctantly stops throwing darts and looks at Zoycite as he walks over *
Malachite: What's so bad that I've had to stop throwing darts at my most bitter enemy?
Zoycite: Have you seen this?
* Malachite shakes his head as Zoycite holds up a postcard. He takes the postcard *
Malachite: Having a wonderful time sending all of the people's energy to hell. Wish we were sending yours. Nephlite and Lazulite, (and ESPERITE!!!) the DOD… Who drew this picture of me as the figure in hangman?
Zoycite: Lazulite. It's pretty obvious. Her name's next to the drawing…! Do you know what that means?
Malachite: No. What?
Zoycite: * angrily * Nephlite and co have got an evil group, and we haven't! It's not fair! He's got one! So I want one!
Malachite: Oh, then let's come up with one. How about the Dark Winds?
Zoycite: Yes! But don't we need a gimmick?
Malachite: … We'll travel everywhere using the four winds?
Zoycite: Isn't that a pop group?
Malachite: … Never mind

* Lazulite is looking at a picture of Malachite on the kitchen table *
Lazulite: * hits it repeatedly with a carving knife * Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! I will have my revenge! Mwa ha! ha! ha!
* Nephlite and Esperite are watching from the doorway *
Nephlite: * steps forwards cautiously * Lazulite, put the knife down…
Lazulite: No! Not until he's been hacked to bits! * again hits image repeatedly with a carving knife * Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Esperite: * hides behind Nephlite * You're being irrational…
Lazulite: * brandishes carving knife * Don't call me irrational! You know that makes me crazy!
Nephlite: Why are you so mad?
Lazulite: Jedite's told me that Malachite and Zoycite have started a new evil group in direct competition with our own!
Nephlite and Esperite: What?!
Nephlite: So they want to fight eh? I will finally have my revenge! Mwa ha! ha! ha!
Esperite: Are you two coming down with something? Flu? Fever? Syphilis?
Nephlite: *wacks Esperite on head with a wok lying on the side * Don't be disgusting! We are going to pull off the biggest plan this side of the world!
Lazulite: Isn't the Earth round?
* Nephlite hits her on the head with the wok *
Nephlite: Prepare the plan!
Lazulite: *in recognition * Not… Plan 1472?
Nephlite: Yes! Start the plan!

* It's Halloween, and two people are tearing the candy from the children *
Zoycite: Isn't it to early to be playing Malachite the Grinch?
Malachite: * dressed in grinch costume with a Dead Moon Circus logo on the side * No! It's never to late to be evil! I won the Emmy ( as voted for by Yoma Magazine- The magazine with all the spoilers on life in the Negaverse. Only 4.95, yes! 4.95! ) for best evil villain last year! And I'll be damned if I'll let Lazulite or any of the others win this year! Even if I have to dress up as the Grinch to do it!
Zoycite: Then why are you still wearing your cape?
Malachite: … Zoycite?
Zoycite: Yes?
Malachite: * points * Look over there!
Zoycite: What?
* Malachite takes Zoycite's candy while she's looking into the sky *
Zoycite: Maaalllaaaaccchhhiiitteee? Why did you take my candy?
Malachite: It's because I'm evil... And you can be too if you wear this evil lotion, made by the Wiseman, and it only costs 12.42. Spray this on, and even you puny humans can become a skeleton!
Voice: If you're evil, I'm cute cuddly teddy bear!
Malachite: Who dares?!
* Horseman on horse appears on road wearing a wok on their head *
????: I am Mysterious Stranger no 3, and I'll rule the world! Mwa! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Zoycite: Oh, it's just Esperite. What are you doing out at such a late hour?
Malachite: Never mind that, where's the other two?
Voice 2: But I don't wanna go out there wearing a wok on my head…
Voice 1: Do it! It's part of the plan!
Voice 2: …

* Nephlite and Lazulite appear on the road mounted on horses and wearing woks on their heads. Nephlite remains still, but Lazulite is thrown off of her horse when it brays and into the nearby thorn bushes *
Lazulite: * from the bushes * Oh! Dumb *&!#$ horse!
Nephlite: It's not the horse's fault
Malachite: * as Lazulite picks herself up and throws her wok on the ground * What do you guys want? Make it quick before the Sailors come…
Nephlite: We are going to implement Plan 1472!
Lazulite: What plan is that?
Nephlite: * slaps his forehead * … The PLAN!
Lazulite and Esperite: Ohhh….
Zoycite: Why are you wearing Woks on your heads? You look like idiots….
Lazulite: Those two think that if they wear them, they'll be greeted by extra-terrestial life.
Malachite: But haven't they already met Britney Spears?
Nephlite: … Never mind that! Prepare to fall to Plan 1472! Esperite, if you please!
* Esperite nods and presses a button on a remote. Soon a giant wok shaped death laser is pointing towards Tokyo *
Esperite: Feel the power of the Science!
Zoycite: Didn't Hojo use that line?
* Esperite nods his head as a plume of fire knocks the remote out of his hands *
All: Who was that?!

* Sailors appear on road *
Sailor Moon: I am Sailor Moon! Champion of Justice!
Tuxedo Mask: And I am Tuxedo mask! Champion of tedious speeches!
Both: Together we defeat our enemies, and that means you!
Tuxedo Mask: Remind me never to do that again…
Lazulite: * Laughing * You two ever thought about joining the WCW or something like that? You both get pounded harder even than we're all going to pound you now!
Zoycite: It's Cape-Boy! Let me at him!!!!!!!! Diiiieeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* Zoycite runs towards Tuxedo Mask with an ice crystal labeled 'Death to Cape-Boy' *
Sailor Mars: Get your hands off him! He's mine!!
Sailor Moon: What do you mean, he's yours? HE'S MINE!!
* Big punch up ensues as a news crew arrive on the screen *
Jerry Springer: And we're reporting live from the scene of devastation where three rival factions are engaged in gang warfare. No one knows why these gangs have come out onto the streets and are robbing these poor children of their candy. No wonder our children are turning violent with people like this on the loose…but one thing's for sure, they'll be back!
Nephlite: Of course we'll be back! Reporters, I hate reporters. Diiieeee!!!!!!
* He blasts Jerry in back of head and takes his place as Lazulite goes behind the camera *
Nephlite: And we're reporting live from this scene of dramatic display of the DOD kicking Dark Wind's asses. Heh Heh. Dark Winds. * Lazulite sniggers * where hopefully… Is that…! Lazulite! Get the camere back over here!!! Stop hitting Malachite with it!
Zoycite: Wwhhhaaattttt????
* Zoycite grabs a fence posts and clubs Lazulite over the head, while Esperite is watching from the side with a group of yoma and some popcorn *
Esperite: Any more bets?
Polite Society: I believe that I will place my money on Malachite, if I may?
Esperite: * takes money * Sure... Whatever you say luv.
* Esperite counts money as Malachite sneaks up behind him with an open hand *
Malachite: Yoink!
Esperite: Yoink? Hey! My money! Who stole my money? This is ridiculous! This is total Bs! Oh, here it is!
* As he bends down, Malachite hits him with a boomerang blade as Lazulite stumbles over *
Lazulite: … Oohhh… Where's the Cape?… Where's my Vodka shots?…. I shouldn't have drunk Nephlite's moonshine… Feels like I've drunk from the toilet again…
Nephlite: I have a really really good idea!
Lazulite and Esperite: What?
Nephlite: Run for it!
* Nephlite, Esperite and Lazulite (seated backwards) gallop off on horses as copper cars pull up *
Malachite: * now in back of police car * So this is what he meant by Plan 1472! Damn them! I will have my revenge! You haven't heard the last of Malachite!
Zoycite: Malachite… Go Fish
Malachite: Oh right…

* Car speeds down to station, where they are kept in one night for disturbing the peace, criminal damage, assault, disorderly behavior and drunk and disorderly. They would have got over one year, but got let off on bail. Malachite is still plotting his revenge *


- The End -