Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction ❯ Grasping At Sunlight ❯ Chapter 1

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Grasping At Sunlight

Author: Shirahime

Pairing: Seiten Taisei/Sanzo, Goku/Sanzo

Rating: NC-17 overall, this part R

Warnings: dubious consent, violence

Summary: A story wherein Goku struggles with his feelings, and he and his keeper deal with the aftermath. No spoilers.

Part One

A soft haze of dust trailing behind the green jeep, the Sanzo party made its way along the winding road toward the town that lay at its end. It was only a matter of time before the impatient Goku asked yet again about how soon they would reach the town so that he could fill his perpetually hungry belly. Hakkai made the reply of “soon” that he had made the first dozen times that Goku had asked him.

Sanzo made a disagreeing sound. “How I got saddled with such a noisy kid, I'll never know.”

Goku's expression soured. “I'm not a kid!” he insisted, grasping the back of Sanzo's seat. “I'm older than you, you know.”

Gojyo's red eyes sparkled with humor as he reached over to muss Goku's hair. “Yeah. You're practically ancient, old man.”

“Knock it off!” Goku warned the laughing redhead as he swatted his hand away.

Sanzo's hand instinctively went inside of his robes to grasp the handle of his gun. Sometimes even he got weary of threatening the pair that always quarreled in the back seat. Looking into the rear view mirror, he noticed how Goku didn't rise to Gojyo's taunts, choosing to turn his head away to gaze at the passing scenery, his expression that of sulking. Sanzo sighed as he frowned, but refused to admit that Goku's recent changes in behavior were starting to get to him.

Arriving at the next town, the group of four was able to procure a double room suite, each pair settling into their quarters. Hakkai soon took Gojyo with him shopping for some necessities in the town. Despite Hakkai's urging, Goku declined to go along, his excuses making Hakkai raise an eyebrow, but not push him further. Sitting on the couch in the living area, Goku's attention kept being drawn from the magazine that he was reading over to the door to Sanzo and Hakkai's room that was hanging ajar. Sighing, Goku padded over to the room, not sure exactly what he intended to say to the monk once he got there. Pushing open the door, Goku peered inside, catching sight of the monk who was fast asleep. He lay facing Goku, an arm under his head on the pillow, his other hand splayed on the sheet before him. Sanzo had let his robes down to his waist, exposing his black form-fitting top. The window was to the monk's back, the rays of the afternoon sun caught in his hair, illuminating it with a soft glow.

Goku crept into the room quietly to get a better look at his keeper. He very rarely got to see the monk like this, his usually harsh expression softened by sleep. Sanzo's face was even more beautiful in repose to his charge. His skin always looked so soft, and had often tempted Goku to wonder about how it would feel underneath his hands. Sanzo made a soft sound as he shifted in sleep, snuggling into the pillow. The soft moan that the monk had made caused heat to rise to Goku's cheeks as he started to relate the sound to something else. He moved closer, golden eyes drawn down to parted lips. He could hear the gentle intake and exhale of breath, and wondered suddenly what it would be like to feel those lips under his own. Hesitating for a few moments, Goku reached out with one hand, hovering above the monk's body before the hand descended on a course to smooth golden hair back from Sanzo's forehead.

A moment later, Goku froze as he found the barrel of a gun hovering near his forehead. His wide eyes were trained on the monk that wielded it, who blinked to clear his sleep-hazed vision.

“It's you,” Sanzo noted as he lowered the barrel of his gun to Goku's relief. “What are you doing in here?”

Goku became unnerved under the monk's scrutiny. “Um… I was going to ask you something…”

Sanzo eyed him, rising up on his elbow. “Well?” he asked, frowning.

Goku opened his mouth as if to speak, but failing to think of a believable enough question, settled on, “I forgot what I was going to ask.”

Sighing heavily, Sanzo flopped back onto the pillow. “Idiot! Why did you bother waking me up, then?”

“Sorry,” Goku replied, slinking back toward the door. He cast a glance over his shoulder at the now disgruntled monk who was trying to get back to napping. Goku closed the door behind him. He usually tried not to be bothered by the monk's gruff behavior toward him. Goku knew that this was something that was ingrained into Sanzo, but yet, it grated on him sometimes how he could never seem to improve his standing in Sanzo's eyes.

_____________________________________________________

Later that night as Goku lay in bed in the room that he shared with Gojyo, he shifted in his sleep, a soft smile on his face. In his dreams, Goku lay on his back with moonlight streaming in through the window, painting the body that rose and fell above him with its silver light. It was Sanzo, his eyes closed and his breath coming in short gasps as he was impaled on Goku's length. Goku laid a hand on the monk's quivering belly, resting his other on the man's hip as he helped guide his movements.

“Do you like it?” Goku asked breathlessly, hoping that he was pleasing the man who was his everything.

As violet eyes clouded with emotion opened to gaze down at him, the only response that Goku received was the moaning of his name. Goku smiled broadly, fingers stroking the sweat-dampened skin of the monk's thigh. “You should always say my name like that,” he told Sanzo as he pushed up into the monk, his pleasure enhanced by the sounds that his lover made.

“Goku,” Sanzo moaned. “Goku!”

______________________________________________________

“Goku!” Gojyo shouted as he hit him with a pillow.

“Huh?” Goku asked as he roused from sleep, confused by hearing Gojyo's voice. What happened to Sanzo?

“Sanzo's going to be pissed if you're late for breakfast. That must have been some dream you were having.” Gojyo said to him with a wink and a grin before turning away.

As he watched the half-demon stride out through the door, Goku didn't understand what the smirk had been about, until he looked down at his tented boxers and cursed.

Later at breakfast, Hakkai noticed how Goku was strangely silent and apparently watching Sanzo out of the corner of his eye periodically.

“Goku, you're not as talkative as you usually are. Is something troubling you?”

“Nothing,” Goku answered almost too quickly.

Gojyo started to grin, putting an arm around Goku's shoulders. “Hakkai, our little boy is just growing up. You know how kids get when they start going through those changes…”

Goku shoved Gojyo's arm away. “Shut up! I'm not a kid!”

Gojyo's humor at Goku's expense seemed to grow. “I'm sorry, of course not. Especially not with that thing that was tenting your pants this morning.”

“Shut up, you perverted bastard!” Goku shouted as he tried to smack Gojyo, who just laughed. “What were you looking at it for, anyway?”

“What a hypocrite!” Gojyo answered, “Calling me a pervert with that raging hard-on that you had earlier! So tell me, the girl that you were dreaming about… was she pretty? Did she show you a good time? Or maybe,” Gojyo said, glancing over at Sanzo, “it wasn't a girl…”

The fight that ensued between the two had Sanzo standing to blast his gun, screaming for silence. Plaster from the ceiling above rained down on them as the pair that had been tumbling around on the floor while trading punches ceased immediately. Wide eyed patrons stared at the monk, who glared back in a dare for one of them to say something. They all suddenly found the meals before them incredibly interesting.

“Sit down and eat so we can go!” Sanzo ordered them.

“But,” Goku whined as he looked at the white flakes that dusted his food, “there's plaster on my-”

The sound of Sanzo's gun being cocked made Goku wave his hands in surrender at the monk before seating himself quickly and starting to eat. “I'm not complaining!” he insisted. “It's tastier this way!”

Hakkai just sighed.

_______________________________________________________

On the way to their next stop in their journey westward that never seemed like it would ever end, the four men came upon a group of people that were hurriedly fleeing along the winding path in front of them. Hakkai slowed the jeep to a stop as pedestrians made their way around them.

“Don't go that way!” a worried man told them as he paused near the jeep, clutching his frightened daughter's hand. “The town has been taken over by demons! They've claimed our leader's palace as their own. Those that haven't been taken hostage or killed have already made their escape.”

Hakkai looked at the man. “Hostages, you say?” he asked as he turned his gaze toward Sanzo, who had folded his arms and sighed. Just how many demons were they going to have to fight in one week?

“There's no hope for them,” the man answered, dejected. “It's not just a matter of weapons or force. The demon king leading the others is some kind of magician. There's no fighting him.”

Gojyo smirked at the man. “It's never stopped us before. Besides, it's not like me to leave ladies behind who may be in trouble, or prove to be very grateful after I've helped them out of it.”

Hakkai just shook his head at his friend in the rear view mirror as the man left with his daughter in tow. He turned to the monk beside him. “Well, Sanzo?”

The monk cursed. “Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be bothersome?” Taking that as a yes, Hakkai hurried the jeep along the path toward the town.

Once they'd gotten to the town square, they dispatched a cluster of demons and liberated several hostages that they'd held before heading toward the towering structure that the man had told them about. Sanzo could almost feel the energy thrumming in the building as they climbed the stairs to the entrance.

Cautiously entering the palace, it wasn't long before they came to a large open area, mist beginning to swirl around them, partially obscuring and warping the appearance of the walls. Hakkai looked around, sensing a demonic presence, but being unable to place a form to the sensation.

“So nice of you to come to me, Sanzo party,” said a rough voice from multiple points around them. A face that must have belonged to the demon king soon hovered several feet in front of them. “I felt your presence when you entered the town. This is so much easier than sending my minions out to find you. You must know what it is that I want from you.” Dark eyes fell upon the sutra draped around the monk's neck.

Sanzo cocked his gun, leveling it at the face that floated before them. “Just try to take it,” he dared.

The demon made no answer, smiling before the image of his face vanished. Sanzo felt movement near him. He turned in the direction of the current of air that he'd felt swish past him. He saw nothing as he spun to take aim. One blow from the apparently invisible demon had the gun that Sanzo wielded soaring a distance before it skittered across the floor out of sight. Sanzo moved to strike in the direction that the demon must have come from, but his fist met empty air. The unseen demon dealt a blow to the back of the monk's head, with the man crumpling to the floor as Goku rushed to his side. Goku cried out as Sanzo's fallen form vanished before he could even touch him.

“Sanzo!” Goku shouted but received no answer. He glared angrily into their distorted surroundings. “You son of a bitch! Where did you take Sanzo? Show yourself!”

The demon king's laughter echoed around the remaining three as they looked around through the haze of his illusion. Visions of his mocking face vanished and reappeared in the air around them.

“How do you expect to be able to defeat me and my magic?” the demon asked. “The only reason that I have you trapped here is to amuse myself.” The visions coalesced into one solid form that stood before them. “I gave the monk to my followers to play with.”

“Bastard!” Goku yelled, rushing forward to strike at the form that vanished before his blow connected, materializing a few feet to his left. Goku spun, his staff at the ready. “What did you do with Sanzo?”

A crooked grin widened on the demon's face. “Surely you're not so naïve?” he asked Goku. “What do you think that a group of demons would do with such a beautiful and untouched creature?”

Rushing at the demon king despite Hakkai's call for caution, Goku attempted to strike at him again, moisture threatening to collect in his eyes. He had to defeat this demon and find Sanzo, before the others made good on their leader's taunts, if they hadn't already. The thought of Sanzo suffering and Goku being unable to stop it was enough to drive him to near madness. As before, the king either vanished or moved too fast for Goku to anticipate, a deep gash appearing on the arm in which he held his staff. Goku cried out as he clutched at the bleeding wound.

Hakkai moved forward in an attempt to tend to his comrade's wounds, but he found himself prevented by some kind of invisible barrier between them.

Gojyo cursed. “How are we supposed to stop this guy?” he said as he struck at the barrier to no avail. He watched the blade of his weapon bounce off with little effect. Hakkai's chi did no better.

“I have no idea,” Hakkai answered, frustrated. “And I doubt that we'll be able to get to Sanzo without defeating the demon in charge.”

The two of them could only watch Goku fight erratically with little effect on his target. And it became obvious that the demon king was toying with the saru, mocking his attempts. Soon, Hakkai and Gojyo had their hands full as a group of minions of the demon king entered behind them. With no other choice, they were left to fight their way back out into the corridor and somehow circle around and find the missing monk. Casting a ball of his chi at an attacking demon, Hakkai gazed over his shoulder at the sight of Goku pursuing the demon king around the corner and out of sight. He could only hope that Goku would be alright until they'd made it past their own opponents and came to assist him.

__________________________________________________

Ignoring his injuries, Goku ran after the demon king, whose ghostly form continued to evade him between throwing more strikes at his body that were hard to anticipate or deflect. The demon's magic had made him fast, or was tricking his senses into believing that the demon was. Goku's anxiety continued to mount. The longer that he was occupied with this demon, the more danger Sanzo was in. He was haunted by the vision of Sanzo's crumpled body disappearing before his eyes, taken to who knows where. His lungs burned with his exertion and his body ached. And he knew that Hakkai and Gojyo had their hands full. Maybe they'd be able to somehow get to the monk first?

Panting, Goku faced the solidified form of the demon king yet again. The creature stood before him arrogantly, a hand on his hip.

“You seem to be running out of steam,” he remarked, noting Goku's disheveled and tired state. “Too bad for your friend.” The demon king took up a stance that Goku associated with his preparation for a magical attack.

Frowning, Goku put his hand to his forehead, fingering the diadem that he wore. He couldn't just stand here and hope that his other companions would be able to reach Sanzo. He knew that they would if they could, but if it was anyone's responsibility to keep the monk safe, it was his. Goku had always stayed by Sanzo's side, and it was due to more than just the fact that the monk had saved him from his prison. Goku was tormented with the sudden clarity that if he didn't do something soon, he was going to lose the light that was so precious to him. A familiar sensation gnawed at Goku from a time that he didn't remember, pain that he could find no memory of but somehow the ache of it had remained within his heart, suffering that had been too much to bear. Though he couldn't understand where this feeling was coming from, Goku knew that he couldn't return to it. He couldn't.

The demon king watched in curiosity as Goku pulled the diadem from his head, the sound echoing in the corridor as it fell onto the stone floor. The demon king rushed forward to strike, but found himself repelled by a strange force that surrounded the shivering and groaning Goku. Jumping to the side, the demon king turned to see golden eyes with pupils narrowing to slits, the nails of Goku's fingers now elongated claws.

Ah, the king thought, I had heard that this Sanzo traveled with three demons. Had this been entirely correct, the demon king may have had a chance. However, the power that he now faced was unlike anything that he'd ever known or would ever understand.

The demon suddenly found that Goku had leap to his side, quicker than his eyes had seen, quicker than his magic even. Sharp claws laid open the flesh of his arm as he yelped and leaped away. The demon king soon found himself on the defensive, his magic just barely able to allow him to dodge some of the seiten taisei's movements. This wasn't the case for long as the demon moved to make a retreat, and found Goku staring at him, a small smile gracing his unearthly features. The demon clutched at the wound that had just been made in his stomach, blood pouring over his fingers. How had he been defeated so easily when it had looked like he was going to win?

The stricken demon king sank to his knees, looking up into laughing golden eyes. Lips parted to expose sharpened teeth as the creature grinned.

“Die,” the seiten taisei said before laying open the demon's throat.

______________________________________________________

Groaning, Sanzo woke to the sensation of his wrists bound above him as he sat on a cold hard floor against a wall. Cracking open his eyes, he caught sight of three demons who leered at him. He twisted his hands in his bindings that were lashed to the railing above, but the ropes held firm. His gun as well as his sutra were nowhere in sight.

“Bastards,” the monk spat, “where is my scripture?”

The tallest demon approached, a hand on his hips as he prowled forward. “It's in a safe place. We'll take it as well as what's left of you to Houtou castle to claim the reward for our king, but first we're going to have a little fun.”

Sanzo eyed the demon's two companions who moved to flank him on either side.

“Come on, help me hold him down,” the first demon said to his friends.

“Bastard!” Sanzo shouted, struggling anew to free himself. It turned out to be a futile effort. “Just try it and see what happens to you!”

As the first demon hovered over him, Sanzo kicked out with one of his legs, the blow connecting as the creature bent to try to grab hold of him. Pushed back for the moment, the demon clutched his aching belly before growling and lunging at the monk. The next kick Sanzo sent hit air, the demon grabbing his leg. He sank his teeth into the monk's jean-clad calf, earning a yelp and a string of curses. The other two demons closed in on him to assist their friend. Sanzo struggled against the three demons, but they soon made short work of removing his jeans and underwear. Two of the demons restrained the monk's legs for their companion as Sanzo twisted in their grip.

“We're going to show you a great time,” the demon said, leering down at Sanzo as he began to grope him under his robes.

“When I get out of this, I will kill you,” Sanzo told the creature with certainty.

The next few moments were almost a blur. A low growl was heard behind the group and their reluctant target, and the demon molesting Sanzo turned to find claws moving to slash open his throat. The demon gurgled as he fell to the side, droplets of blood splashing Sanzo's cheek as violet eyes widened. The other two demons released the monk to face their enemy. Both were felled before even reaching for their weapons, their bodies hitting the floor with a dull thud, the rivulets of blood on the floor flowing out from their bodies and seeping into the monk's robes.

Sanzo's heart pounded in his chest as he looked across at his apparent savior. It was Goku, but in his true form, sans limiter. When had the idiot taken it off and why? Goku prowled toward him, licking off the blood that stained his claws, golden eyes trained on violet. The expression that Goku wore was somehow different than the last time the monk had seen the monkey in this form. Sanzo couldn't quite place it, but the sight of it made his hackles rise.

Goku bent to plant a hand on the wall beside Sanzo's head. He leaned in to lap the blood off of the side of Sanzo's face with a warm tongue as the monk shivered involuntarily. The creature pulled back to gaze at the man with burning golden eyes.

“Mine,” he growled.

_____________________________________________________

Hakkai and Gojyo raced down the corridor, having finally dispatched the demons in their area.

“We've got to find Sanzo and Goku,” Hakkai told his friend, worried. The fact that they'd found no traces of Goku or the demon king made Hakkai fear the worst.

They heard shouting in the corridor ahead of them, a demon staggering out of a room to the left, clutching the bleeding wound in his side. Several other demons exited in a hurry, pushing the injured one out of their way. As Goku exited the room, he ended the wounded demon's misery with his claws before taking off down the hallway after the others.

“Shit!” Gojyo exclaimed, red eyes wide. “When did he take his limiter off?”

He and Hakkai ran to try and catch up with the seiten taisei, with Gojyo peering to look into the room as he passed. He stopped in his tracks as he saw Sanzo bound to a railing by ropes, his chest heaving and his head bowed.

“Hey, Hakkai! In here!” Gojyo called to his friend before hurriedly entering the room.

“Sanzo, hey!” Gojyo shouted as he approached the monk, noticing the blood on his robes. “Are you okay?”

Panting, Sanzo looked up at him with tired violet eyes. “G-Get me out of this,” he demanded, indicating his hands.

Gojyo cut him free as Hakkai entered the room. Green eyes nervously searched his companion for injuries. “Sanzo, are you-”

“I'm fine,” the monk snapped as he attempted to push up from the floor. Gojyo attempted to assist Sanzo, but he pushed him away to rise on his own.

“Goku did all this?” Gojyo asked as he looked down at the corpses littering the floor.

Sanzo staggered toward the doorway. “We have to find him.”

Gojyo and Hakkai shared a look after watching the monk for a moment. Hakkai finally spoke. “Sanzo, are you sure that you're not injured? You're walking strangely…”

“You can lean on me if you need to,” Gojyo offered. “Don't be stubborn.”

“Shut up, both of you,” Sanzo said wearily as he made his way out of the door.

Sanzo's steps soon faltered as he staggered to place a shaky hand onto the wall of the corridor in front of him. Hakkai moved instinctively to put a supporting arm under his shoulders, hoisting him up even as the monk made a sound of disapproval. Moments later, the seiten taisei had doubled back, moving quickly down the corridor toward them. Catching sight of Sanzo partly draped over Hakkai, his prowling steps became a full run, his teeth bared.

“Mine!” Goku shouted, enraged, leaping up to slash at the green-eyed demon, who put an arm up protectively. Sharp claws cut through his cloth-covered skin, drawing blood.

“Goku, stop it!” Gojyo shouted, moving to grab Goku's arms from behind before he could lash out again. Gojyo was hardly able to control the bundle of energy that twisted in his grip, attempting to sink sharp teeth into the arms that restrained him.

Sanzo moved away from Hakkai, fixing the seiten taisei with a firm glare. “Goku!” he shouted, drawing the creature's attention from the half-demon that he'd just managed to struggle away from. Cat-like golden eyes peered up at him before the monk's hand reached out suddenly, connecting with his forehead noisily. There was a flash of light, and Sanzo could feel the diadem reforming under his fingers. And then Goku was Goku again, eyes falling shut as his body sagged limply. Sanzo caught him as he fell forward, sinking with him to the ground as he cradled him against his chest. Gojyo moved to tend to Hakkai, who was injured but not gravely. He pressed the cloth of his bandana against the wound to stave off the bleeding, Hakkai fixing him with a thankful gaze before they both turned their eyes to the pair on the floor.

Sanzo sighed as he looked at the familiar form now resting in his arms. “Idiot,” he remarked softly, “You're always making such trouble for me.” The sleeping Goku gave him no answer.

To be continued.