Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Gunlock Fan Fiction ❯ Naivety ❯ Nataku ( Chapter 2 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

—Naivety—Kanzeon Bosatsu—Naivety—Nataku Taishi—Naivety—

Title: Naivety
By: Happiness's Deceit
Fandom: Saiyuki
Disclaimer: Saiyuki, nor any of its affiliates, belong to us in any manner, shape, or form.
Warnings: Implied shonen-ai, spoilers
Summary: Kanzeon Bosatsu knows the War Prince is naïve. Nataku knows he's not. Two-shot.

—Naivety—Kanzeon Bosatsu—Naivety—Nataku Taishi—Naivety—

Part 2 -Nataku Taishi (907 Words)

Nataku knows he is not naïve.

He knows he is not naïve, no matter what anyone else thinks, because Goku was there for him and will be there for him. This, Nataku knows, is fact because Goku is so much more human than the rest of the gods and that makes him so much more understanding.

Nataku has always been afraid of the dark. It had been a fear brought on by endless nights in a stone cage.

He had long been good at hiding it—his father would never expect anything less—but then Goku had come, and he hadn't needed to hide it anymore. Their fears had been quelled, together, through soft breaths and delicate embraces through the blackest nights.

It was ironic, Nataku knew—heaven was always portrayed as the light, beautiful place where no blackness could touch you. But night fell like any other, and the darkness was far worse in a cell with no exit.

Goku was light and dark. He was bright gold, like their eyes, that brought warmth into his cold place, but also deep blue that engulfed him in calmness. Goku was life—something that Nataku craved. But best of all, Goku was closeness, and Nataku didn't have to worry, because Goku couldn't die.

Goku would never leave him.

His flowers came and went, but Goku always seemed to be bringing in more, so that was alright. Admittedly, when he had worn some of Goku's beloved flowers to battle one day, he had received several inquiring looks (though no one dared to ask him). He was very careful that day not to get blood on the flowers, but his father had ended up tearing them apart anyway.

It was sad, because Goku had made him that wreath, but Goku had seen him go out to battle and come back with it on, so Nataku supposed it hadn't been a terrible loss.

Goku had been the sole person to touch him after he had been soaked in blood. Did that make him a saint, one who could accept everything, or a monster, that was not afraid of what he was so familiar with?

Nataku knew that he, himself, was a monster.

Nataku knew that no matter which Goku was, he wouldn't care.

Because Goku accepted him, which had been the sole reason he had driven that sword through his shoulder and willingly been sealed.

Anything, he supposed, was better than hurting Goku. But he could faintly remember screaming, and knew that Goku would never forgive him for being so terribly selfish. But Nataku had wanted to hurt Goku, so he surely had to understand, right?

Nataku knew that Goku wouldn't wait forever for him.

He knew that, however, he wouldn't awaken before Goku came to get him. He owed Goku at least that much for making him bear such a heavy burden.

Nataku knew that Goku wouldn't be safe, no matter where he went.

But at least Goku would be safe from his own blood-stained hands.

Nataku knows that Goku will not remember him in a good manner until he gets over the fact that Nataku had so readily abandoned him, and that betrayal is a hard thing to get over.

So he will wait until Goku is ready to begin to accept him, and when he has finally gotten over him, perhaps even come to remove the seal.

Nataku knows that Goku will not remember their friendship as it was, and that they will never come together as they once had, and that Goku will never let them embrace so tenderly again.

But it is a price to pay for Goku's safety, and memories fade.

Nataku knows that when he is gone, Konzen will return to being the most important person in Goku's life. He knows that he will eventually be forgotten, because the lifespan of a god is far longer than that of a human, and that their memory can be even worse.

Bitterly, Nataku knows that he will fade into the background; he will lose his importance in Goku's life until his name will draw a blank stare. He thinks to himself that he is prepared for that, and steels himself for it, but it will always hurt, he thinks.

Nataku doesn't know what to do if those eyes don't light up in recognition as they once had.

But he knows that it will hurt, and that it will have been his own fault.

He is prepared to face the consequences of his actions against himself and against Goku. It was his own selfishness that created his place, and it is ultimately his selfishness that will force Goku to release him as well.

He does not expect Goku to run back into his arms, nor does he expect Goku to remember him as clearly as Nataku yearns for Goku. He expects heartbreak, for when they meet again, and he expects depression. He expects that Konzen will have taken Goku by then, a fact he regrets, but knows that he will still play the role of the best friend if Goku needs it occupied.

Nataku knows these things, and knows that he is not naïve…

But he knows that words are meaningless, and that the pain in store for him will outlast centuries of self-ridicule; Nataku knows that he will be hurt again and again, but cannot help but continue to reach for the being that is Goku.

—Naivety—Kanzeon Bosatsu—Naivety—Nataku Taishi—Naivety—