Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Never Let Go ❯ Feet of Clay ( Chapter 3 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: kispexi2 
Goku discovers that no-one's perfect. It's something Sanzo has known all along.
WARNING: explicit m/m sex
Anime/Manga: Saiyuki Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 02.15.2007 | Pages: 9 | Words: 8.2K | Visits: 644 | Status: Work In Progress
Goku discovers that no-one's perfect. It's something Sanzo has known all along.
WARNING: explicit m/m sex
Anime/Manga: Saiyuki Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 02.15.2007 | Pages: 9 | Words: 8.2K | Visits: 644 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: Saiyuki and its characters were created by Kazuya Minekura.
( ~~ indicates Sanzo remembering his past)
FEET OF CLAY
Goku felt an elbow dig him sharply in the ribs.
“Hey, monkey,” Gojyo hissed, not quite under his breath, and jerked his head towards the blue-eyed young girl who was hovering in the background whilst the elderly innkeeper at the desk consulted his register, “check out the hottie. You know what I'd like to- OW!!! What the hell was that for?”
“Keep you filthy thoughts to yourself,” Sanzo snarled. “Goku's not interested in your immoral hobby.”
It was always fun when Sanzo whacked the pervy kappa with his harisen and Goku snickered to himself. The girl behind the desk must have thought he was grinning at her because a faint blush crept across her cheeks. She lowered her eyes for a moment, then looked up again and smiled.
Goku smiled back.
Gojyo laughed.
“That so? Then please do enlighten me, oh great one, if the kid's not interested in the fair sex, why's he making googly eyes at that one?”
The next thing Goku knew was that his head hurt like hell.
“Jeez, Sanzo!” he cried, bewildered and rubbing the developing bump above his ear, “What d'I do?”
Sanzo merely glared at him.
“You know what?” Gojyo asked, throwing an amiable arm around Goku's shoulders. “I reckon the great Sanzo-sama's afraid you're gonna lose your cherry before he does!”
“Cherries?” Goku asked hopefully, because it was very nearly lunchtime after all. “I'm-”
A metallic click cut him off.
“One more word out of either of you,” Sanzo warned, gun in hand, “and you'll end up stiffer than Gojyo has ever been.”
“Ha ha!” Hakkai chuckled. “Good one!”
The innkeeper cleared his throat, nervously eyeing Sanzo's weapon.
“I'm sorry, gentlemen, but I'm afraid we're very busy. It's the local festival on Friday and all our rooms have been booked for months.”
“Of course,” Hakkai said with a polite smile. “It's just that our friend here,” - he placed a hand on Gojyo's arm and kept it there way longer than Goku would have - “has a badly injured leg and is in urgent need of bed rest. We would be most obliged if you could find us something.”
The innkeeper looked at Hakkai's earnest face, then at Sanzo's Smith and Wesson.
“I'll see what I can do,” he promised and left the desk to talk to a group of men in hiking boots who were gathered around the fire.
“Idiot!” Sanzo spat.
“The old geezer's doing his best, you ungrateful asshole!” Gojyo protested.
“Not him,” Sanzo replied, with an exasperated eye roll. “You. Only an idiot would let himself get taken down by a bunch of small-fry youkai. They weren't even Kougaiji's men. And now - according to Hakkai-” Sanzo paused to direct a sceptical look at the demon slayer but got nothing more than a wide, bland smile in response. Gritting his teeth, he continued “- your leg won't heal. We should be on the road, not looking for rooms in the middle of the day!”
“Did you hear me ask you to stop?” Gojyo demanded, red eyes flashing fire. “You wanna be on your way? Fine! Leave me here. This is a dumbass mission anyway.”
Sanzo's eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched, but before the argument could develop into anything more deadly, the innkeeper came bustling back.
“I've had a word with some of our regulars,” he smiled, “ and they're happy to bunk up together. I - I wonder if you gentlemen would do the same? I can offer you two rooms.”
It was amazing, Goku reflected, the way people were always trying to help them out. He reckoned it was probably because they were in awe of Sanzo's robes. They had that affect on people. Made them feel closer to the gods or something. Goku smiled to himself. He felt the exact same way when he was near Sanzo.
Sanzo accepted the innkeeper's offer and handed over his heavenly credit card, still berating Gojyo and calling him all manner of stupid. Goku smiled again. He knew Sanzo didn't really mean it. Deep down he was worried about Gojyo, even if he would rather cut his own tongue out than admit it. Sanzo was like that. Stubborn. Proud. Wonderful.
“What the hell are you looking at?” Sanzo demanded, catching Goku gazing at him.
Goku quickly dropped his eyes to the floor.
“Nothin',” he mumbled.
“Then make yourself useful and carry the bags upstairs,” Sanzo ordered.
“Okay. But who's in with who?”
A deep line of annoyance creased Sanzo's brow as he weighed his options, eyeing each of his companions with undisguised distaste. Finally he gave a heavy sigh.
“Well, since Gojyo's lame - lamer than usual, that is -”
“Hey! Watch it, dickwad!” Gojyo yelled. He attempted a menacing step towards Sanzo, but his bad leg crumpled under him. Only Hakkai's swift intervention prevented him from falling to the floor.
Sanzo rolled his eyes again and took out a cigarette.
“As I was saying, Gojyo's even weaker and more pathetic than usual. He'd better share with Hakkai in case he needs more healing during the night.”
Gojyo raised an eyebrow and winked at Hakkai. Hakkai gave a short, nervous laugh.
A flicker of something Goku didn't quite understand flared in Sanzo's eyes..
“So ... I'm in with you?” he asked, hardly daring to believe it. A whole night with Sanzo all to himself! It would be just like the old days.
“Yes, you cretin!” Sanzo growled and Goku got another thwack with the fan before he picked up the bags and scampered happily away.
* * * * *
The afternoon passed pleasantly enough. Goku played cards with Hakkai and Gojyo and, to his great delight, no matter how much Gojyo cheated, he kept losing to Hakkai. Each time, the kappa cursed, downed a beer and insisted that Hakkai play another hand. Sanzo sat in a corner, smoking and reading. Goku wished he wouldn't. Smoke, that was. It was bad for him. For selfish reasons, he wished Sanzo wouldn't read so much either. He always felt shut out when Sanzo sought refuge behind his newspaper, but didn't dare interrupt him. Sanzo's harisen was hard and getting hit with it stung like crazy.
Sanzo was almost cheerful at dinner. Probably because his ramen were a tiny bit stale and the waitress had managed to locate a jar of unopened mayonnaise that some New World travellers had left behind the previous summer. Whatever. Goku basked in the warmth of the priest's rare sunny mood.
But then it started raining and everything Goku said or did became annoying. Sanzo yelled at him. Threatened him with death. Got to his feet and hit him.
“Godammit, monkey!” Sanzo raged, as Goku cringed under a hail of blows from the fan. “Even your breathing is loud!”
Gojyo gave a dry chuckle.
“Maybe you should let the next bunch of assassins solve that problem for you, Cherry-chan. Just stand aside and let them carve him up. You wouldn't even have to soil your beautiful lily-white hands.”
Sanzo froze, harisen an inch from the side of Goku's head.
Raindrops rattled against the window whilst Hakkai stared down at his own hands, his eyes showing no signs of recognition.
Gojyo winced.
“Oh shit!”
Sanzo shot the kappa a withering look, as if beating him would be too much of a kindness. Instead he turned on his heel and stalked out of the dining room, robes slicing angrily through the air as he went.
“I didn't mean-” Gojyo began, with an agonized look at Hakkai.
“I know,” Hakkai answered, forcing a smile. “Please - don't worry.”
“Do you, uh-” Gojyo gestured vaguely “- want to get out of here?”
Hakkai nodded, and the two of them left the table in silence, Gojyo with his arm around Hakkai's shoulders and stumbling a little.
Goku stared at the half-eaten meals surrounding him and scratched his head. How come he was the only one still sitting there when he was the one Gojyo had insulted? The frickin' pervy kappa had just implied one of Gyumoah's dumbass assassins could kill him! Goku had every right to be angry at Gojyo - but the others?
As he pondered the mystery, Goku's hand moved of its own accord to pluck a cabbage gyouza from Sanzo's abandoned plate. He chewed on it thoughtfully, then helped himself to a little kakuni from Hakkai's. It was good, and pretty soon, Goku had scoffed it all. Sanzo's noodles were a bit boring but they went down easily enough and, as the bowl was only small and shallow, Goku found he still had enough room for Gojyo's sukiyaki.
His stomach full at last, he leaned back in his chair, stretched his arms above his head and sighed contentedly. All the evening needed now was a nice game of mah-jong ... Except the others had gone and Goku was alone. His heart skipped a beat. It didn't matter that Sanzo and Hakkai and Gojyo were just a walk down a dingy hallway away; the thought still made Goku panic. All around him, people were eating and talking and laughing, but to him the room was gloomy. He was alone.
Sanzo!
He leapt up from the table with such speed, his chair toppled over backwards. He left it where it fell and ran from the dining room at full pelt, heedless of the curious glances other diners were giving him. It was only when his hand rested on the doorknob of the room he was to share with Sanzo that the nameless dread began to subside. He took a deep breath and forced himself to open the door slowly rather than just bursting in because, if he did that, Sanzo would be angry. He'd swipe him with the fan and tell him to get the hell out.
Inside the room was all was quiet and peaceful. Sanzo was sitting cross-legged, with his back against the edge his bed and his eyes closed. The naked bulb dangling from the ceiling cast a harsh, white light across the room but, as it fell on Sanzo's hair and robes, it turned soft and golden. Warm, like sunlight.
Goku's panic receded still further. He sat down on his bed and took off his boots.
Sanzo didn't speak or move.
Goku pulled off his shirt without unbuttoning it and peeled off his jeans.
Sanzo remained motionless, as if unaware of his charge's presence.
By the time Goku had removed his socks and underwear, he was finding the silence unbearable.
“Whatcha doin'?” he asked.
“Meditating,” Sanzo replied in a tone designed to discourage further questions.
Goku pulled the covers back and got into bed, waiting for Sanzo to finish and speak to him. He waited and waited and waited, but Sanzo still said nothing. What was so great about meditating anyway, Goku wondered. As far as he could tell it was just sitting. And it was boring. Very, very boring. In the end, he couldn't help himself.
“Meditatin' on what?”
One violet eye opened and glared.
“On what I could possibly have done in a previous life to get lumbered with you in this one.”
Goku recoiled, hurt. Then a thought occurred to him.
“I musta been real good in my previous life then!” he declared happily and snuggled down into the bed.
Sanzo opened both eyes and got to his feet.
“How d'you figure that?” he asked, taking the sutra from his shoulders and laying it on the bedside table beside his gun.
Goku grinned.
“I got you!”
“Hmmph,” Sanzo grunted and switched off the light. “That's enough talking. Shut up and go to sleep.”
Goku wanted to please Sanzo and do as he said, but moonlight was pouring in through the room's thin curtains and the way it fell on Sanzo's robes as he let them fall to the floor was just too pretty not to look at. Goku watched in silence as Sanzo folded his clothing, kicked his sandals under the bed and pulled off his jeans. Sanzo's legs were long and lean, perfect in every way. Goku's eyes followed the contours of a thigh muscle, but then the leather gloves were coming off and his attention was diverted to Sanzo's slender but surprisingly strong arms. Goku remembered every time they had held him, how they had felt wrapped around his body, and something deep inside him stirred.
Removing the leather vest took more effort, with Sanzo struggling to tug it up over his head. Slowly his ribs came into view, his chest, his mushroom-pink nipples and Goku felt something else stir.
He watched, dry-mouthed and breath held, as Sanzo slipped a hand under the elastic of his underwear.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
“Sanzo ... I'm ... hungry,” Goku heard himself whine.
The priest straightened up. In the moonlight, his skin glowed. His hair dazzled. He looked like a god and Goku was torn between the desire to throw himself down on his knees before him and the need to do something about the gnawing emptiness within.
“You cannot possibly be hungry,” Sanzo declared, sitting down on his own bed. “I bet you finished my meal as well as your own, didn't you?”
“Yeah,” Goku reluctantly admitted. “But I'm still hungry.”
“Too bad,” Sanzo told him, adding first one, then the other sock to the pile of his clothing. “It's late. The kitchen's closed. You'll just have to-”
Sanzo broke off as Goku sat bolt upright in bed, eyes wide with disbelief and mouth agape.
“What?! What the hell are you staring at?” the priest, suddenly self-conscious, demanded for the second time that day.
Goku blinked and shook his head, but when he looked back, Sanzo's feet looked just the same. All misshapen with bulging blue veins and nails in serious need of cutting. Goku rubbed his eyes.
“Nothin' ... It's jus' ... I never noticed before ...” He swung his legs out of bed to sit facing Sanzo and leant forward to get a closer look in the half-light. Suddenly he burst out laughing. “Heck, Sanzo! You've got frickin' ugly feet!”
Sanzo flinched. He tried to look angry, then indifferent, but failed at both. He hated everything about his appearance but he harboured a particular loathing for his feet. Whereas the rest of his body was at least tidy, his feet were large and lumpy. He hurriedly tucked them further into the shadow under his bed and made another attempt at rage.
“I thought I told you to shut up and go to sleep?” He reached for his gun. “One more word out of you and it'll be your laaaa-”
The word turned into a cry of surprise as Goku jumped him, throwing him down onto the bed. The Smith and Wesson flew out of his hand and across the room.
“ ..st.”
The end of Sanzo's threat came out as a stifled grunt because Goku had hooked a foot up under his legs and was pulling him round so that his head was more or less on the pillow and he was lying flat on his back.
When he was younger, Goku had enjoyed rough games like this and, despite himself, Sanzo had occasionally indulged him. But now the boy was older, they were no longer appropriate. They were far too similar to something else. Something that Sanzo couldn't - wouldn't - let happen.
“What the fuck d'you think you're doing?” he demanded.
“What does it look like?” Goku beamed, straddling his thighs.
“Get off me, you stupid monkey,” Sanzo snarled and rammed the heels of both hands into Goku's chest to shove him away.
Goku grinned, caught hold of Sanzo's wrists and pinned them to the bed above his head. His smile turned feral and the memory of his demon face flashed across Sanzo's mind.
~This isn't funny.~
“I said,” Goku reminded the priest, “I'm hungry.”
“That's because you're a goddamn bottomless pit!” Sanzo spat, trying in vain to pull free of Goku's powerful grip.
Goku ignored the insult.
“Hungry,” he repeated and, without warning, crushed his mouth down on Sanzo's as if he meant to eat him. Sanzo's body jerked in surprise. His mouth opened and instantly Goku's tongue thrust in. Pulled back and thrust in again. Furious, Sanzo bit down on it, but not as hard as he'd intended. Goku gave a wanton moan and pressed his groin into Sanzo's. Any doubts that Sanzo may have had about Goku's intentions were instantly swept away.
Goku meant to have him. Here. Now.
~Just hold him down.~
But even Goku needed air, and when at last he broke the kiss to breathe, Sanzo sought to escape his ravening mouth by turning his head to one side. Unperturbed, Goku happily took advantage of the access he now had to the priest's ear. He kissed it lightly, sucked and nibbled.
Sanzo shuddered and his heart pounded against his ribs.
~I'm not afraid, am I? Of him?~
The Maten Sutra lay on the bedside table. All it would take to restrain Goku would be a few words. To his horror, Sanzo found he couldn't say them. What the fuck was wrong with him?!
“Sanzo,” Goku breathed, “Oh, Sanzo!”
His voice was soft, honeyed and way too full of need. He began writhing against Sanzo, body on body until the heated friction and animal desire were more than even Sanzo could resist. His dick twitched and thickened against Goku's and his famously clear judgement threatened to desert him.
This was too much temptation. Much too much.
~Oh. So he's into that, huh?~
Sudden darkness as clouds obscured the moon and the clatter of rain against the window pane brought Sanzo sharply to his senses. Goku was his ward, his responsibility, dammit! It didn't matter that he was no longer a child; he acted like one most of the time. And besides, a priest ought to be able to take care of someone without wanting or needing anything in return.
Sanzo was just about to order Goku off him when, without a word, the monkey released him and rolled away onto his side, his back turned. A slight tremor went through his shoulders.
“Goku?” Sanzo asked uncertainly.
There was a long silence before Goku finally replied, in a voice dangerously close to cracking, “Wh-why don't you want to?”
Sanzo sighed. He was in desperate need of a cigarette.
“Because it's wrong,” he answered.
Goku twisted back round to face him.
“Why?” he demanded. “Cuz we're both guys? Hakkai and Gojyo are both guys too and you never say anythin' about them bein' wrong.”
Two cigarettes, Sanzo amended. Maybe even the whole packet. And since when had Goku known what was going on between the others anyway? If that goddamn pervy kappa had uttered a word about it to Goku, Sanzo would shoot him. Somewhere painful. Goku was a fucking innocent! He didn't need to learn anything Gojyo could teach him.
But Goku was waiting for an explanation, his expression frighteningly intense.
“It's different with them,” Sanzo began. “They're weak. Both of them. They need each other.”
Goku appeared to think about this for a while, then asked “Don't you need them too?”
“No!” Sanzo exclaimed. “If the Three Aspects hadn't ordered me to drag their sorry asses along, they wouldn't be here. I most certainly do not need them; I don't need anyone!”
Goku's eyes flashed pain, then anger.
“What about when I fought Kougaiji for you? Without me, you'd've died! Crap, Sanzo - it's just like Gojyo says - you're an arrogant prick! You think you're so frickin' perfect!”
Sanzo wasn't quite sure how it happened, but the next thing he knew he had Goku flat on his back and was looming over him, growling “I do not think I'm perfect.”
Startled, Goku caught his breath and, in that one moment, with Goku wide-eyed and naked beneath him, Sanzo suddenly saw the full extent of how very not perfect he truly was. He wanted Goku. It felt like he'd wanted him for all eternity. He wanted to possess him, body and soul. To imprison him.
And hell if Goku didn't smile, as if he knew exactly what Sanzo was thinking and the idea was fine by him.
“I think you are.”
“Huh?”
“Perfect,” Goku clarified, adding with a twinkle, “Apart from ... you know ...”
“Apart from what?”
“Your horrible feet!” Goku snorted and still chuckling, he snaked one arm around Sanzo's neck and the other around his waist, to pull him down into a wet, hungry kiss. It was sweeter than Sanzo would ever have thought possible, but even so, he fought back his desire.
“No,” he insisted, rolling off Goku and trying to push the monkey away. “I'm a Sanzo priest. I won't take advantage of someone the gods made me responsible for.”
Goku hooted with laughter. “Ha! I'd like to see you try!”
His laughter was infectious and one corner of Sanzo's mouth twitched. It was true; the notion of him forcing himself on Goku was utterly ridiculous.
“Even so-”
“An' besides - maybe it was the other way round. The gods coulda
made me responsible for you. Ever think of that?”
“Never. Now get back to your own damn bed.”
Goku, who rarely openly defied Sanzo, stayed put.
“I don't wanna,” he pouted, looking up through his lashes and running a forefinger down the centre of Sanzo's chest. “I wanna stay here an' have sex with you.”
His touch was burning a slow trail of fire down Sanzo's skin, his hand heading inexorably south. If Sanzo's brain didn't welcome the idea, his body most certainly did.
He slapped the hand away.
“If you're not out of this bed in the next five seconds, I swear-”
“But I wanna,” Goku interrupted, a cunning smile on his lips, “an' if you won't, I'll have to find someone else. Cuz otherwise I'm gonna explode or somethin', y'know?”
Oh yes, Sanzo knew. Knew all too well. It was becoming clearer to him by the second.
“That girl earlier,” Goku mused. “The one at the check-in desk. I think she liked me.”
Sanzo clenched his teeth so hard he heard them squeak.
“But ..” - Goku went on, chewing on his lip - “she's kinda young. She might not know how. I need someone older.”
A vein at Sanzo's temple began to throb.
“Gojyo would be better,” Goku decided, with a grin. “Yeah, I'll ask Gojyo.”
“Nyaaah!” Sanzo cried and seized Goku by the shoulders. “You will do no such thing.”
Goku raised his eyebrows.
“I'm mad strong, Sanzo,” he pointed out. “How d'you reckon you could stop me?”
Like this, some part - some stupid, weak part - of Sanzo thought. He snatched Goku's chin with one hand and cupped the back of his head with the other. Like this. A long and hard kiss had Goku making high-pitched sounds at the back of his throat.
Like this.
The hand holding Goku's chin slid a caress down his throat and onto his chest. Stroked once, twice over a nipple, but was in too much of a hurry to linger. Goku didn't seem to mind. His body arched, following the hand's progress and when it found his dick, the monkey gave a sigh of utter bliss.
Sanzo felt a thrill of something too. Pleasure? Pride? No; something far deeper, far scarier, than either and he would have stopped right then and there, if only Goku hadn't decided to reciprocate. His warm, strong monkey hand felt incredible as it stroked and rubbed, pulled and twisted, and all Sanzo could do was try to breathe and not get so lost he forgot that this was supposed to be about convincing Goku to stay the hell away from Gojyo, from pretty young girls, from anyone who wasn't-
“Sanzo, Sanzo!” Goku panted, thrusting into Sanzo's hand, his own working Sanzo faster and faster.
Goku, Sanzo wanted to answer, but couldn't. The monkey had already stolen his reason and now he was stealing his voice too, leaving him incapable of anything more articulate than a few harsh gasps. He wrapped his free arm around Goku's body and clung to him.
“Sanzo!” Goku wailed. His body arched violently towards Sanzo and, as he came to a shuddering climax, his grip on Sanzo's dick tightened reflexively.
It was both too much and too little. Sanzo felt something inside him break. He wanted more than this, needed more, and the realization made him angry. He prised Goku's fingers away.
“But-” Goku protested feebly, misunderstanding. “You haven't-”
Whatever else he was going to say was muffled by the pillow because Sanzo had half-pushed, half-dragged him onto his front.
“Wha-?” Goku looked back over his shoulder to ask. “Sanzo?”
A finger slick with his own release slid into him. “Oh!”
Followed by another. “Ah!”
Sanzo wasn't the virgin Gojyo thought. Was the kappa really such a moron that he imagined Sanzo could have spent so long in the world and remain untouched by its ways? He had watched countless faces above and below him contort in pleasure, listened to his name chanted over and over like a mantra and it had bored him. Repelled him.
Unlike now.
When he scissored his fingers and Goku trembled, his pulse quickened. When he found the place that made the monkey moan, his whole body ached. Excitement tickled under his skin, fizzed along his nerves.
He felt. He wanted.
He shouldn't.
Your predecessor made a mistake.
Abruptly he pulled his fingers out of Goku and sat back on his heels.
I'm not strong.
Shame and self-disgust rose in his throat. He felt sick. He had to get away.
He clambered off the bed and snatched up his robes.
“Sanzo?”
Goku sounded bewildered - and who could blame him? Sanzo hardly knew what he was doing himself. He'd never wanted anyone. How was he supposed to know how to deal with this?
“Sanzo? Wha's the matter?”
“Nothing.” Everything. “Go to sleep.”
“But-”
I heard a voice.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” Sanzo yelled in desperation.
Goddamn shithead monkey! Sanzo looked around for his fan. He'd beat Goku into silence if he had to.
A hand reached out to him.
“Please,” Goku whispered.
The monkey's eyes were huge. Golden, luminous - just like they'd been the first time Sanzo had seen them - only this time they didn't look stupefied; they looked desperate.
And Sanzo had been thinking of striking him? When Goku was offering him everything?
“Please, Sanzo.”
Goku's diadem glinted in the moonlight. It was at times like this, times when Goku was facing loss, that the stupid thing was likely to shatter.
Sanzo couldn't let it. Didn't want to let it.
The robes slid from his hand and he bent down to ruffle Goku's hair, for the first time allowing himself to notice how silky it was, to enjoy the feel of it slipping between his fingers.
Goku let out a long sigh and nuzzled into Sanzo's touch.
“I thought you were gonna l-leave me again,” he sniffed.
“Idiot,” Sanzo chided. “I'm not going anywhere.”
Goku sat up and pulled him into a tight embrace.
“Me neither,” he answered and the embrace became a kiss.
With Goku's lips on his, his own heartbeat pounding in his ears and his thoughts swirling, Sanzo felt in danger of drowning. His grip on everything he'd tried to live by was loosening and soon he'd be adrift, swept along on dark currents of feeling and desire.
His hands found Goku's face and held it. They were shaking.
“I-I ..,” Sanzo stuttered, struggling for the words, “I want ...”
“I know.”
Goku's smile was like the sun coming up. He lay back, taking Sanzo with him, and locked his angular legs around Sanzo's waist, tilting his hips and holding his breath as he gazed up at Sanzo, waiting.
“B-but ..” Sanzo stammered, braced on trembling arms.
“C'mon!” Goku laughed. “I've only been waitin' for this, like, forever!”
Sanzo lowered his mouth to Goku's.
Kissing Goku - kissing him deliberately and in full consciousness of what he was doing - felt dangerous, reckless. Sanzo's stomach fluttered wildly, his throat went tight and when his lips met Goku's, he feared the emotion building in his chest might might tear him apart. But then Goku started making soft little noises of desire and Sanzo's passion got the better of him. The kiss became less hesitant and more demanding. Sanzo plunged his tongue against Goku's, rejected the caress it instantly offered and forced it down so that he could explore every fold and hollow of Goku's mouth. With no more than a muffled whimper, Goku acquiesced but, to Sanzo, his uncomplaining submission felt like evasion and sparked even fiercer need in him. Goku had no right to start this and then pull back. The tongue that only a heartbeat earlier Sanzo had been so keen to subdue, he now desperately wanted in his own mouth. He pulled, sucked and nipped until he had it.
Goku stiffened and, planting both palms on Sanzo's chest, he pushed him far enough away to look him in the eye.
“You don't need to get mad, Sanzo,” he said breathlessly. ”I'm not fightin' you.”
Shit! It might have been easier if he had been, Sanzo thought, searching the face below him for even a trace of the doubt and trepidation he himself was feeling. There was none. Goku was absolutely certain. His heels were digging into Sanzo's butt as if to spur him on and his ass bumping invitingly against Sanzo's dick. The sensation was exquisite torture and Sanzo broke a little further. He no longer had the strength or will to stop this. He reached down and aligned himself with the entrance to Goku's body. One shaky intake of breath and he was pushing. There was a moment's resistance, a dry tug of skin pulling on skin, then, with a slight grate and burn, he was inside. Inside Goku.
Oh gods ...
Goku's mouth opened wide and his head arched back.
Sanzo began to move.
“Oh! Ah ... aiee... Ow! OW! No, I'm okay, honest. Don't stop. Please - I said don't stop. Oh, oh - don't stop, don't stop, don't stop,” Goku babbled.
He clawed at Sanzo's back, sank his teeth into his shoulder and sucked on his throat, growling appreciation and encouragement until Sanzo found a stroke that made him catch his breath and shiver with pleasure.
To Sanzo, Goku's unabashed enjoyment of his body and what he was doing to him, was a source of joy almost as intense as that of being inside him. Goku fit him like they were made for each other and he matched Sanzo's rhythm perfectly, as if this were meant to be. It was almost like being in the presence of the divine.
Beneath him, Goku was panting, cheeks flushed, brow dampened with sweat..
“Harder! Faster!” he urged. “Oh yeah! There! Yeah there. Oh, oh! Again! Do it again! Harder, faster ...OH!”
The words spilled from his lips as if he couldn't contain them and for once his incessant talking didn't annoy Sanzo. It delighted him. He drove in deeper, dropped his head and bit a nipple.
Goku squealed and unlocked his ankles from behind Sanzo's back. Before Sanzo knew what was happening, Goku had placed one foot flat on the bed and flipped them both over. Sanzo was still blinking in surprise when Goku raised himself to his knees and skimmed his hands over Sanzo's chest, fingertips teasing his nipples. Sanzo gasped, then gasped again as Goku sat back down hard. The monkey
threw his head back and let loose a cry.
For a moment he seemed incapable of moving, remaining seated on Sanzo's pelvis and shuddering slightly as he fought to get control over his breathing. When at last he'd composed himself, he looked down at Sanzo and smiled, his golden eyes glazed with pleasure. There was so much love in them that Sanzo had to close his own eyes in order to shield himself from it. He felt Goku's hand alight on his cheek, heard a whispered endearment and then Goku was moving again. When he rose up and pulled away, Sanzo's body felt it like a loss, but when he sank back down, the closeness was almost unbearable and Sanzo's instinct was to flee. Desire held him suspended and a low, helpless moan of want rumbled through his chest. Above him, Goku laughed with delight and increased the pace of his enthusiastic bouncing.
Up and down, up-and-down, upanddown
Electric tension tightened Sanzo's every nerve. His heart was racing, his body shaking. At this rate ... Godammit! No way was he going to be the first to lose control. He closed a hand around Goku's dick and thumbed the head.
Goku wailed.
“YeahYeahYeah!” he cried. “Oh yeah, Sanzo! Oh yeah. Oh! .... OhOhAh ... Aah!”
His thighs clamped reflexively around Sanzo's ribcage and he quivered, melted and sighed.
Sanzo felt a hot thick spurt across his hand and chest and finally broke completely.
“Oh! Ah! Aah!” he echoed, as the control he'd striven for so hard peeled back on itself and ripped apart, hurling him wet and pulsing into Goku, into the stupid monkey he'd freed from a mountain-top prison and who'd somehow become someone ... someone whom Sanzo ...
Goku collapsed on top of him, murmuring his name and still twitching with pleasure.
Sanzo was having enough difficulty breathing as it was and Goku's weight was too much.
“Oy,” he muttered, giving Goku's hunched up body a shove. “Don't you dare fall asleep on me. Get off.”
With effort Goku roused himself enough to roll away onto his side, whimpering slightly as Sanzo's dick left his ass.
Without the warmth of Goku on and surrounding him, Sanzo felt suddenly cold. For that reason, and that reason alone, he didn't insist on the monkey going back to his own bed.
Rain pounded on the thin roof above Sanzo's head. Beside him Goku snored.
Know that this is your truth.
Sanzo turned onto his side and closed his eyes. Eventually, he too fell asleep.
* * * * *
He didn't dream and there were no nightmares, despite the rain. So, when he awoke, cold and uneasy in the early hours, at first he had no idea why.
It was a relief to find that Goku had stolen all the bedclothes. His arms and legs were tangled in the sheets and blankets, and even in sleep, he wore a victorious little smile.
“Goddamn monkey!” Sanzo grumbled, as he attempted to extricate a blanket from Goku's grip.
Goku grunted, snuffled and yanked the blanket back, so hard that the momentum had him tumbling off the bed. He landed on the bare floorboards with a thud, only narrowly avoiding banging his head on the bedside table.
“Wha-?” he asked blearily, as he struggled against the bedclothes that held him captive. “Sanzo?”
“You stole all the covers and fell out of bed,” Sanzo informed him. “Stop your goddamn wriggling for a minute and I'll-”
The words died on his lips. Because just behind where Goku lay trussed up like an animal ready for slaughter, stood a figure, silhouetted against the window. At first Sanzo thought it was Hakkai - it had the same dark, slightly ragged hair and glasses - and his stomach contracted with embarrassment. But then he smelt smoke and saw the glowing cigarette end.
His blood ran cold. He willed himself to move but couldn't. His legs wouldn't work; his arms were useless.
The intruder sucked deeply on his cigarette and exhaled.
“It's very dark, don't you think?” he remarked, almost conversationally. “Where did the moon go?”
~I found something I wanted to protect.~
“Goku!” Sanzo gasped, paralyzed.
“Yes,” the stranger confirmed. “Goku. The game needs to move forward, after all.”
The man - Sanzo knew bone-deep that he wasn't a youkai - took a final drag on his cigarette and ground it out Sanzo's ashtray, carefully extinguishing every last spark..
“What do you want, you bastard?” Sanzo demanded, still unable to move.
“The Maten Sutra, of course,” came the reply.
“Over my dead body!”
The stranger laughed.
“But you're the prize, kiddo! Which means the dead body will have to be that of your little friend here.”
He looked down at the struggling Goku and tutted.
“Really, Sanzo-kun, you're a very poor Buddhist. What about muichimotsu? Didn't your sensei teach you anything?”
“Leave my master out of it!” Sanzo hissed. “Or-”
“Or what?” the man taunted, his mouth twisting into a cruel smile. “What will you do, Genjyo Sanzo? Will you kill me with your little gun? Use the sutra to tear me limb from limb? Or will you do what you always do and cower in a corner?”
~I found something I wanted to protect and when I lost it, I realized how worthless I was.~
The room was dark, but even so, Sanzo saw the glimmer of a blade. His heart stopped. He wanted to protect Goku, to stop this sneering asshole from laying a single finger on him and yet he couldn't move a muscle. What the hell was this? A spell?
“We had a bet, you know,” the stranger mused, examining the knife in his hand, “he and I.”
“Crap!” Goku cursed, tearing at the blankets with his teeth. “Crap, crap, crappity-crap! This is all your fault, Sanzo-”
It was true. It was his fault. All of it. Everything.
A streak of silver cut through the darkness and Sanzo could only watch in horror as it plunged down.
~I want something I don't have to protect.~
But the monkey was no longer there. He'd rolled under Sanzo's bed and out of the way in the nick of time.
“This is your fault-” Goku continued, throwing the bedclothes aside and leaping to his feet. “I'd've woken up hungry an' sent this creep packin' ages ago if you hadn't .. you know ...”
Sanzo barely had time to register the sting of guilt evoked by Goku's meaningful pause before the blade flashed bright and deadly for a second time, catching Goku a glancing blow to the upper arm.
“Gaaah!” Goku bellowed, snatching up his weapon. “That does it! Nyoi-bo - extend!”
“My, my,” the intruder chuckled, positioning himself for another lunge with the knife. “Your little pet's just crammed full of spunk, isn't he? Such a shame he has to die.”
“Bring it,” Goku challenged, beckoning with one hand and holding Nyoi-bo ready with the other.
The stranger's dark form rushed him. Nyoi-bo swung through the air and there was a sharp crack as it came down heavily on a chair, smashing it to pieces.
Sanzo heard Goku mutter a curse of surprise - it wasn't like him to miss an opponent - but instantly he was on the attack again, driving the head of Nyoi-bo into the floor in order to vault the empty bed the intruder had jumped behind.
This time Goku managed a punch his attacker's gut, moments before getting a sliver of skin sliced from his shoulder..
“For God's sake, you idiot - cut the fancy moves and concentrate!” Sanzo hissed in frustration and anxiety.
“Don't worry about me, Sanzo,” the monkey replied, cheerily. “I'm strong. I'm fast. I can take care of myself.”
“Unlike some,” the stranger remarked, his creepy sing-song voice coming from somewhere behind Sanzo now. “You know - the kind of coward who always hides behind someone else.”
~He used his body to shield me.~
Goku's head whipped round, seeking the man's location. Sanzo turned his head too - only to discover that the intruder was mere inches away, his knife within striking distance of Sanzo's throat.
“Oh no, you don't, ass-wipe!” Goku cried in alarm. He flew through the air to land on Sanzo's bed, one foot either side of the priest's prone body. He flicked Nyoi-bo and the weapon split in two. First one half, then the other cracked against the intruder's jaw. The man was still groaning in pain, when, with a deft twist of his wrist, Goku reassembled his cudgel and clouted him around the ear. The stranger's balance faltered. His arms flailed and he stumbled backwards. One step. Two. Momentarily he seemed to regain his equilibrium but tripped on the broken chair and fell. The window pane creaked and splintered as he hit it. A moment later he was gone.
Goku ran to the broken window and peered out.
“He disappeared!” he said, mystified. “How'd he do that? D'you think he was a ghost or somethin'?”
“Or something,” Sanzo agreed bitterly.
“Should I go after him?”
Sanzo shook his head. He felt miserable, defeated, impotent.
Goku left the window and came to sit beside him on the bed.
“You okay?” he asked, cupping a hand against the priest's cheek.
From long years of habit, Sanzo batted it away. What the hell? Okay, so now his limbs were functional again? Great!
“I'm fine,” he grunted and sat up. “You?”
Goku shrugged. “Couple of cuts. Nothin' major. Uh, Sanzo ..?”
He swallowed hard enough for Sanzo to hear the gulp.
“Not now,” Sanzo answered stiffly.
~I couldn't protect him. I couldn't protect him. I couldn't ... ~
“Go back to your own bed. Get some sleep. We're out of here first thing tomorrow.”
Goku cocked his head to one side and for a moment Sanzo thought he was going to argue, but instead the monkey leant forward and brushed Sanzo's lips with his own.
“I was never gonna lose to that jerk, y'know,” he said quietly. “You didn't have to worry.”
“Feh!” Sanzo retorted and looked away. “Who said I was worried?”
He heard Goku's bedsprings creak and the rustle of sheets as he made himself comfortable but he didn't look back until he heard snoring.
By then Goku had already kicked the beclothes off his feet. He was lying flat on his back, one arm thrown out to the side, and his chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. Sanzo shook his head and took out a cigarette. Only Goku could fall so easily and so soundly asleep after such turmoil.
Only Goku.
The first rays of dawn were filtering through the window, picking out the lines of his face. In sleep, they were soft and boyish. His long, dark lashes fluttered against baby-smooth tawny skin and his parted lips vibrated a little with each exhalation.
~I found something I wanted to protect and when I lost it ...~
“Pfft,” Sanzo muttered, wondering when the hell he'd turned into such a drama queen.
Goku wasn't lost. Not yet. This time at least, Sanzo had been lucky. Even so, he wasn't planning on tempting fate again. That bastard - whoever he was - had been right about Sanzo being a bad Buddhist. He'd let himself become dangerously attached. But the sin was his, not Goku's. The monkey shouldn't have to suffer for it.
Be strong, priest Genjyo Sanzo..
Sanzo wasn't strong but for Goku's sake he would be.
He would never touch him again.
* * * * *
Goku was having the most delicious dream. A demon had encased Sanzo in hard-boiled candy and the only way to free him was to lick and suck the sweet from his body. Goku had just got to the part when at last there was more skin than sugar under his tongue, when a hand shook him roughly awake.
“Move it! If you're not ready in five minutes flat, I'm leaving you here.”
Rubbing his eyes, Goku stumbled out of bed and began searching for his clothes. By the time he'd found them, Sanzo had already donned his own underwear and jeans and was sitting on his bed, socks in hand.
Goku glanced down at the priest's feet. They looked different in the light of day. More normal, somehow. On a sudden impulse, he dropped to his knees and slipped a hand under each of Sanzo's heels. Sanzo tried to pull them away but Goku held on tight and lifted each foot to his mouth in turn, peppering them with random kisses.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Sanzo asked, between clenched teeth.
“Sshh!” Goku soothed. “I'm talkin' to th' feet. Sayin' sorry. Cuz they're really not horrible at all. It's jus' that with th' rest of you bein' so-”
“Don't even think it!” Sanzo warned.
Goku already had, but at least had the sense not to say it.
“Okay. But really, Sanzo, they're jus' normal, ordinary feet.”
“Of course they are, baka! Stop talking monkey and get dressed!”
After a final couple of kisses to each big toe, Goku complied.
He watched as Sanzo put his socks on with evident relief, like he was hiding away a part of himself he was ashamed of. A part he had, however unwillingly, allowed Goku to see. Pride and love swelled in Goku's chest and for a moment all he could do was gaze at Sanzo in adoration.
The leather vest was coming down over Sanzo's head but just before it was pulled into place, Goku noticed a small patch of purpling skin on the priest's throat and another on his collar bone.
Goku grinned. Sanzo was very nearly perfect, but not quite. Sure, he was tough and strong-willed, but even he had his weaknesses. Weaknesses Goku had every intention of exploiting.
He couldn't wait 'til the next time they were alone together.
( ~~ indicates Sanzo remembering his past)
FEET OF CLAY
Goku felt an elbow dig him sharply in the ribs.
“Hey, monkey,” Gojyo hissed, not quite under his breath, and jerked his head towards the blue-eyed young girl who was hovering in the background whilst the elderly innkeeper at the desk consulted his register, “check out the hottie. You know what I'd like to- OW!!! What the hell was that for?”
“Keep you filthy thoughts to yourself,” Sanzo snarled. “Goku's not interested in your immoral hobby.”
It was always fun when Sanzo whacked the pervy kappa with his harisen and Goku snickered to himself. The girl behind the desk must have thought he was grinning at her because a faint blush crept across her cheeks. She lowered her eyes for a moment, then looked up again and smiled.
Goku smiled back.
Gojyo laughed.
“That so? Then please do enlighten me, oh great one, if the kid's not interested in the fair sex, why's he making googly eyes at that one?”
The next thing Goku knew was that his head hurt like hell.
“Jeez, Sanzo!” he cried, bewildered and rubbing the developing bump above his ear, “What d'I do?”
Sanzo merely glared at him.
“You know what?” Gojyo asked, throwing an amiable arm around Goku's shoulders. “I reckon the great Sanzo-sama's afraid you're gonna lose your cherry before he does!”
“Cherries?” Goku asked hopefully, because it was very nearly lunchtime after all. “I'm-”
A metallic click cut him off.
“One more word out of either of you,” Sanzo warned, gun in hand, “and you'll end up stiffer than Gojyo has ever been.”
“Ha ha!” Hakkai chuckled. “Good one!”
The innkeeper cleared his throat, nervously eyeing Sanzo's weapon.
“I'm sorry, gentlemen, but I'm afraid we're very busy. It's the local festival on Friday and all our rooms have been booked for months.”
“Of course,” Hakkai said with a polite smile. “It's just that our friend here,” - he placed a hand on Gojyo's arm and kept it there way longer than Goku would have - “has a badly injured leg and is in urgent need of bed rest. We would be most obliged if you could find us something.”
The innkeeper looked at Hakkai's earnest face, then at Sanzo's Smith and Wesson.
“I'll see what I can do,” he promised and left the desk to talk to a group of men in hiking boots who were gathered around the fire.
“Idiot!” Sanzo spat.
“The old geezer's doing his best, you ungrateful asshole!” Gojyo protested.
“Not him,” Sanzo replied, with an exasperated eye roll. “You. Only an idiot would let himself get taken down by a bunch of small-fry youkai. They weren't even Kougaiji's men. And now - according to Hakkai-” Sanzo paused to direct a sceptical look at the demon slayer but got nothing more than a wide, bland smile in response. Gritting his teeth, he continued “- your leg won't heal. We should be on the road, not looking for rooms in the middle of the day!”
“Did you hear me ask you to stop?” Gojyo demanded, red eyes flashing fire. “You wanna be on your way? Fine! Leave me here. This is a dumbass mission anyway.”
Sanzo's eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched, but before the argument could develop into anything more deadly, the innkeeper came bustling back.
“I've had a word with some of our regulars,” he smiled, “ and they're happy to bunk up together. I - I wonder if you gentlemen would do the same? I can offer you two rooms.”
It was amazing, Goku reflected, the way people were always trying to help them out. He reckoned it was probably because they were in awe of Sanzo's robes. They had that affect on people. Made them feel closer to the gods or something. Goku smiled to himself. He felt the exact same way when he was near Sanzo.
Sanzo accepted the innkeeper's offer and handed over his heavenly credit card, still berating Gojyo and calling him all manner of stupid. Goku smiled again. He knew Sanzo didn't really mean it. Deep down he was worried about Gojyo, even if he would rather cut his own tongue out than admit it. Sanzo was like that. Stubborn. Proud. Wonderful.
“What the hell are you looking at?” Sanzo demanded, catching Goku gazing at him.
Goku quickly dropped his eyes to the floor.
“Nothin',” he mumbled.
“Then make yourself useful and carry the bags upstairs,” Sanzo ordered.
“Okay. But who's in with who?”
A deep line of annoyance creased Sanzo's brow as he weighed his options, eyeing each of his companions with undisguised distaste. Finally he gave a heavy sigh.
“Well, since Gojyo's lame - lamer than usual, that is -”
“Hey! Watch it, dickwad!” Gojyo yelled. He attempted a menacing step towards Sanzo, but his bad leg crumpled under him. Only Hakkai's swift intervention prevented him from falling to the floor.
Sanzo rolled his eyes again and took out a cigarette.
“As I was saying, Gojyo's even weaker and more pathetic than usual. He'd better share with Hakkai in case he needs more healing during the night.”
Gojyo raised an eyebrow and winked at Hakkai. Hakkai gave a short, nervous laugh.
A flicker of something Goku didn't quite understand flared in Sanzo's eyes..
“So ... I'm in with you?” he asked, hardly daring to believe it. A whole night with Sanzo all to himself! It would be just like the old days.
“Yes, you cretin!” Sanzo growled and Goku got another thwack with the fan before he picked up the bags and scampered happily away.
* * * * *
The afternoon passed pleasantly enough. Goku played cards with Hakkai and Gojyo and, to his great delight, no matter how much Gojyo cheated, he kept losing to Hakkai. Each time, the kappa cursed, downed a beer and insisted that Hakkai play another hand. Sanzo sat in a corner, smoking and reading. Goku wished he wouldn't. Smoke, that was. It was bad for him. For selfish reasons, he wished Sanzo wouldn't read so much either. He always felt shut out when Sanzo sought refuge behind his newspaper, but didn't dare interrupt him. Sanzo's harisen was hard and getting hit with it stung like crazy.
Sanzo was almost cheerful at dinner. Probably because his ramen were a tiny bit stale and the waitress had managed to locate a jar of unopened mayonnaise that some New World travellers had left behind the previous summer. Whatever. Goku basked in the warmth of the priest's rare sunny mood.
But then it started raining and everything Goku said or did became annoying. Sanzo yelled at him. Threatened him with death. Got to his feet and hit him.
“Godammit, monkey!” Sanzo raged, as Goku cringed under a hail of blows from the fan. “Even your breathing is loud!”
Gojyo gave a dry chuckle.
“Maybe you should let the next bunch of assassins solve that problem for you, Cherry-chan. Just stand aside and let them carve him up. You wouldn't even have to soil your beautiful lily-white hands.”
Sanzo froze, harisen an inch from the side of Goku's head.
Raindrops rattled against the window whilst Hakkai stared down at his own hands, his eyes showing no signs of recognition.
Gojyo winced.
“Oh shit!”
Sanzo shot the kappa a withering look, as if beating him would be too much of a kindness. Instead he turned on his heel and stalked out of the dining room, robes slicing angrily through the air as he went.
“I didn't mean-” Gojyo began, with an agonized look at Hakkai.
“I know,” Hakkai answered, forcing a smile. “Please - don't worry.”
“Do you, uh-” Gojyo gestured vaguely “- want to get out of here?”
Hakkai nodded, and the two of them left the table in silence, Gojyo with his arm around Hakkai's shoulders and stumbling a little.
Goku stared at the half-eaten meals surrounding him and scratched his head. How come he was the only one still sitting there when he was the one Gojyo had insulted? The frickin' pervy kappa had just implied one of Gyumoah's dumbass assassins could kill him! Goku had every right to be angry at Gojyo - but the others?
As he pondered the mystery, Goku's hand moved of its own accord to pluck a cabbage gyouza from Sanzo's abandoned plate. He chewed on it thoughtfully, then helped himself to a little kakuni from Hakkai's. It was good, and pretty soon, Goku had scoffed it all. Sanzo's noodles were a bit boring but they went down easily enough and, as the bowl was only small and shallow, Goku found he still had enough room for Gojyo's sukiyaki.
His stomach full at last, he leaned back in his chair, stretched his arms above his head and sighed contentedly. All the evening needed now was a nice game of mah-jong ... Except the others had gone and Goku was alone. His heart skipped a beat. It didn't matter that Sanzo and Hakkai and Gojyo were just a walk down a dingy hallway away; the thought still made Goku panic. All around him, people were eating and talking and laughing, but to him the room was gloomy. He was alone.
Sanzo!
He leapt up from the table with such speed, his chair toppled over backwards. He left it where it fell and ran from the dining room at full pelt, heedless of the curious glances other diners were giving him. It was only when his hand rested on the doorknob of the room he was to share with Sanzo that the nameless dread began to subside. He took a deep breath and forced himself to open the door slowly rather than just bursting in because, if he did that, Sanzo would be angry. He'd swipe him with the fan and tell him to get the hell out.
Inside the room was all was quiet and peaceful. Sanzo was sitting cross-legged, with his back against the edge his bed and his eyes closed. The naked bulb dangling from the ceiling cast a harsh, white light across the room but, as it fell on Sanzo's hair and robes, it turned soft and golden. Warm, like sunlight.
Goku's panic receded still further. He sat down on his bed and took off his boots.
Sanzo didn't speak or move.
Goku pulled off his shirt without unbuttoning it and peeled off his jeans.
Sanzo remained motionless, as if unaware of his charge's presence.
By the time Goku had removed his socks and underwear, he was finding the silence unbearable.
“Whatcha doin'?” he asked.
“Meditating,” Sanzo replied in a tone designed to discourage further questions.
Goku pulled the covers back and got into bed, waiting for Sanzo to finish and speak to him. He waited and waited and waited, but Sanzo still said nothing. What was so great about meditating anyway, Goku wondered. As far as he could tell it was just sitting. And it was boring. Very, very boring. In the end, he couldn't help himself.
“Meditatin' on what?”
One violet eye opened and glared.
“On what I could possibly have done in a previous life to get lumbered with you in this one.”
Goku recoiled, hurt. Then a thought occurred to him.
“I musta been real good in my previous life then!” he declared happily and snuggled down into the bed.
Sanzo opened both eyes and got to his feet.
“How d'you figure that?” he asked, taking the sutra from his shoulders and laying it on the bedside table beside his gun.
Goku grinned.
“I got you!”
“Hmmph,” Sanzo grunted and switched off the light. “That's enough talking. Shut up and go to sleep.”
Goku wanted to please Sanzo and do as he said, but moonlight was pouring in through the room's thin curtains and the way it fell on Sanzo's robes as he let them fall to the floor was just too pretty not to look at. Goku watched in silence as Sanzo folded his clothing, kicked his sandals under the bed and pulled off his jeans. Sanzo's legs were long and lean, perfect in every way. Goku's eyes followed the contours of a thigh muscle, but then the leather gloves were coming off and his attention was diverted to Sanzo's slender but surprisingly strong arms. Goku remembered every time they had held him, how they had felt wrapped around his body, and something deep inside him stirred.
Removing the leather vest took more effort, with Sanzo struggling to tug it up over his head. Slowly his ribs came into view, his chest, his mushroom-pink nipples and Goku felt something else stir.
He watched, dry-mouthed and breath held, as Sanzo slipped a hand under the elastic of his underwear.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
“Sanzo ... I'm ... hungry,” Goku heard himself whine.
The priest straightened up. In the moonlight, his skin glowed. His hair dazzled. He looked like a god and Goku was torn between the desire to throw himself down on his knees before him and the need to do something about the gnawing emptiness within.
“You cannot possibly be hungry,” Sanzo declared, sitting down on his own bed. “I bet you finished my meal as well as your own, didn't you?”
“Yeah,” Goku reluctantly admitted. “But I'm still hungry.”
“Too bad,” Sanzo told him, adding first one, then the other sock to the pile of his clothing. “It's late. The kitchen's closed. You'll just have to-”
Sanzo broke off as Goku sat bolt upright in bed, eyes wide with disbelief and mouth agape.
“What?! What the hell are you staring at?” the priest, suddenly self-conscious, demanded for the second time that day.
Goku blinked and shook his head, but when he looked back, Sanzo's feet looked just the same. All misshapen with bulging blue veins and nails in serious need of cutting. Goku rubbed his eyes.
“Nothin' ... It's jus' ... I never noticed before ...” He swung his legs out of bed to sit facing Sanzo and leant forward to get a closer look in the half-light. Suddenly he burst out laughing. “Heck, Sanzo! You've got frickin' ugly feet!”
Sanzo flinched. He tried to look angry, then indifferent, but failed at both. He hated everything about his appearance but he harboured a particular loathing for his feet. Whereas the rest of his body was at least tidy, his feet were large and lumpy. He hurriedly tucked them further into the shadow under his bed and made another attempt at rage.
“I thought I told you to shut up and go to sleep?” He reached for his gun. “One more word out of you and it'll be your laaaa-”
The word turned into a cry of surprise as Goku jumped him, throwing him down onto the bed. The Smith and Wesson flew out of his hand and across the room.
“ ..st.”
The end of Sanzo's threat came out as a stifled grunt because Goku had hooked a foot up under his legs and was pulling him round so that his head was more or less on the pillow and he was lying flat on his back.
When he was younger, Goku had enjoyed rough games like this and, despite himself, Sanzo had occasionally indulged him. But now the boy was older, they were no longer appropriate. They were far too similar to something else. Something that Sanzo couldn't - wouldn't - let happen.
“What the fuck d'you think you're doing?” he demanded.
“What does it look like?” Goku beamed, straddling his thighs.
“Get off me, you stupid monkey,” Sanzo snarled and rammed the heels of both hands into Goku's chest to shove him away.
Goku grinned, caught hold of Sanzo's wrists and pinned them to the bed above his head. His smile turned feral and the memory of his demon face flashed across Sanzo's mind.
~This isn't funny.~
“I said,” Goku reminded the priest, “I'm hungry.”
“That's because you're a goddamn bottomless pit!” Sanzo spat, trying in vain to pull free of Goku's powerful grip.
Goku ignored the insult.
“Hungry,” he repeated and, without warning, crushed his mouth down on Sanzo's as if he meant to eat him. Sanzo's body jerked in surprise. His mouth opened and instantly Goku's tongue thrust in. Pulled back and thrust in again. Furious, Sanzo bit down on it, but not as hard as he'd intended. Goku gave a wanton moan and pressed his groin into Sanzo's. Any doubts that Sanzo may have had about Goku's intentions were instantly swept away.
Goku meant to have him. Here. Now.
~Just hold him down.~
But even Goku needed air, and when at last he broke the kiss to breathe, Sanzo sought to escape his ravening mouth by turning his head to one side. Unperturbed, Goku happily took advantage of the access he now had to the priest's ear. He kissed it lightly, sucked and nibbled.
Sanzo shuddered and his heart pounded against his ribs.
~I'm not afraid, am I? Of him?~
The Maten Sutra lay on the bedside table. All it would take to restrain Goku would be a few words. To his horror, Sanzo found he couldn't say them. What the fuck was wrong with him?!
“Sanzo,” Goku breathed, “Oh, Sanzo!”
His voice was soft, honeyed and way too full of need. He began writhing against Sanzo, body on body until the heated friction and animal desire were more than even Sanzo could resist. His dick twitched and thickened against Goku's and his famously clear judgement threatened to desert him.
This was too much temptation. Much too much.
~Oh. So he's into that, huh?~
Sudden darkness as clouds obscured the moon and the clatter of rain against the window pane brought Sanzo sharply to his senses. Goku was his ward, his responsibility, dammit! It didn't matter that he was no longer a child; he acted like one most of the time. And besides, a priest ought to be able to take care of someone without wanting or needing anything in return.
Sanzo was just about to order Goku off him when, without a word, the monkey released him and rolled away onto his side, his back turned. A slight tremor went through his shoulders.
“Goku?” Sanzo asked uncertainly.
There was a long silence before Goku finally replied, in a voice dangerously close to cracking, “Wh-why don't you want to?”
Sanzo sighed. He was in desperate need of a cigarette.
“Because it's wrong,” he answered.
Goku twisted back round to face him.
“Why?” he demanded. “Cuz we're both guys? Hakkai and Gojyo are both guys too and you never say anythin' about them bein' wrong.”
Two cigarettes, Sanzo amended. Maybe even the whole packet. And since when had Goku known what was going on between the others anyway? If that goddamn pervy kappa had uttered a word about it to Goku, Sanzo would shoot him. Somewhere painful. Goku was a fucking innocent! He didn't need to learn anything Gojyo could teach him.
But Goku was waiting for an explanation, his expression frighteningly intense.
“It's different with them,” Sanzo began. “They're weak. Both of them. They need each other.”
Goku appeared to think about this for a while, then asked “Don't you need them too?”
“No!” Sanzo exclaimed. “If the Three Aspects hadn't ordered me to drag their sorry asses along, they wouldn't be here. I most certainly do not need them; I don't need anyone!”
Goku's eyes flashed pain, then anger.
“What about when I fought Kougaiji for you? Without me, you'd've died! Crap, Sanzo - it's just like Gojyo says - you're an arrogant prick! You think you're so frickin' perfect!”
Sanzo wasn't quite sure how it happened, but the next thing he knew he had Goku flat on his back and was looming over him, growling “I do not think I'm perfect.”
Startled, Goku caught his breath and, in that one moment, with Goku wide-eyed and naked beneath him, Sanzo suddenly saw the full extent of how very not perfect he truly was. He wanted Goku. It felt like he'd wanted him for all eternity. He wanted to possess him, body and soul. To imprison him.
And hell if Goku didn't smile, as if he knew exactly what Sanzo was thinking and the idea was fine by him.
“I think you are.”
“Huh?”
“Perfect,” Goku clarified, adding with a twinkle, “Apart from ... you know ...”
“Apart from what?”
“Your horrible feet!” Goku snorted and still chuckling, he snaked one arm around Sanzo's neck and the other around his waist, to pull him down into a wet, hungry kiss. It was sweeter than Sanzo would ever have thought possible, but even so, he fought back his desire.
“No,” he insisted, rolling off Goku and trying to push the monkey away. “I'm a Sanzo priest. I won't take advantage of someone the gods made me responsible for.”
Goku hooted with laughter. “Ha! I'd like to see you try!”
His laughter was infectious and one corner of Sanzo's mouth twitched. It was true; the notion of him forcing himself on Goku was utterly ridiculous.
“Even so-”
“An' besides - maybe it was the other way round. The gods coulda
made me responsible for you. Ever think of that?”
“Never. Now get back to your own damn bed.”
Goku, who rarely openly defied Sanzo, stayed put.
“I don't wanna,” he pouted, looking up through his lashes and running a forefinger down the centre of Sanzo's chest. “I wanna stay here an' have sex with you.”
His touch was burning a slow trail of fire down Sanzo's skin, his hand heading inexorably south. If Sanzo's brain didn't welcome the idea, his body most certainly did.
He slapped the hand away.
“If you're not out of this bed in the next five seconds, I swear-”
“But I wanna,” Goku interrupted, a cunning smile on his lips, “an' if you won't, I'll have to find someone else. Cuz otherwise I'm gonna explode or somethin', y'know?”
Oh yes, Sanzo knew. Knew all too well. It was becoming clearer to him by the second.
“That girl earlier,” Goku mused. “The one at the check-in desk. I think she liked me.”
Sanzo clenched his teeth so hard he heard them squeak.
“But ..” - Goku went on, chewing on his lip - “she's kinda young. She might not know how. I need someone older.”
A vein at Sanzo's temple began to throb.
“Gojyo would be better,” Goku decided, with a grin. “Yeah, I'll ask Gojyo.”
“Nyaaah!” Sanzo cried and seized Goku by the shoulders. “You will do no such thing.”
Goku raised his eyebrows.
“I'm mad strong, Sanzo,” he pointed out. “How d'you reckon you could stop me?”
Like this, some part - some stupid, weak part - of Sanzo thought. He snatched Goku's chin with one hand and cupped the back of his head with the other. Like this. A long and hard kiss had Goku making high-pitched sounds at the back of his throat.
Like this.
The hand holding Goku's chin slid a caress down his throat and onto his chest. Stroked once, twice over a nipple, but was in too much of a hurry to linger. Goku didn't seem to mind. His body arched, following the hand's progress and when it found his dick, the monkey gave a sigh of utter bliss.
Sanzo felt a thrill of something too. Pleasure? Pride? No; something far deeper, far scarier, than either and he would have stopped right then and there, if only Goku hadn't decided to reciprocate. His warm, strong monkey hand felt incredible as it stroked and rubbed, pulled and twisted, and all Sanzo could do was try to breathe and not get so lost he forgot that this was supposed to be about convincing Goku to stay the hell away from Gojyo, from pretty young girls, from anyone who wasn't-
“Sanzo, Sanzo!” Goku panted, thrusting into Sanzo's hand, his own working Sanzo faster and faster.
Goku, Sanzo wanted to answer, but couldn't. The monkey had already stolen his reason and now he was stealing his voice too, leaving him incapable of anything more articulate than a few harsh gasps. He wrapped his free arm around Goku's body and clung to him.
“Sanzo!” Goku wailed. His body arched violently towards Sanzo and, as he came to a shuddering climax, his grip on Sanzo's dick tightened reflexively.
It was both too much and too little. Sanzo felt something inside him break. He wanted more than this, needed more, and the realization made him angry. He prised Goku's fingers away.
“But-” Goku protested feebly, misunderstanding. “You haven't-”
Whatever else he was going to say was muffled by the pillow because Sanzo had half-pushed, half-dragged him onto his front.
“Wha-?” Goku looked back over his shoulder to ask. “Sanzo?”
A finger slick with his own release slid into him. “Oh!”
Followed by another. “Ah!”
Sanzo wasn't the virgin Gojyo thought. Was the kappa really such a moron that he imagined Sanzo could have spent so long in the world and remain untouched by its ways? He had watched countless faces above and below him contort in pleasure, listened to his name chanted over and over like a mantra and it had bored him. Repelled him.
Unlike now.
When he scissored his fingers and Goku trembled, his pulse quickened. When he found the place that made the monkey moan, his whole body ached. Excitement tickled under his skin, fizzed along his nerves.
He felt. He wanted.
He shouldn't.
Your predecessor made a mistake.
Abruptly he pulled his fingers out of Goku and sat back on his heels.
I'm not strong.
Shame and self-disgust rose in his throat. He felt sick. He had to get away.
He clambered off the bed and snatched up his robes.
“Sanzo?”
Goku sounded bewildered - and who could blame him? Sanzo hardly knew what he was doing himself. He'd never wanted anyone. How was he supposed to know how to deal with this?
“Sanzo? Wha's the matter?”
“Nothing.” Everything. “Go to sleep.”
“But-”
I heard a voice.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” Sanzo yelled in desperation.
Goddamn shithead monkey! Sanzo looked around for his fan. He'd beat Goku into silence if he had to.
A hand reached out to him.
“Please,” Goku whispered.
The monkey's eyes were huge. Golden, luminous - just like they'd been the first time Sanzo had seen them - only this time they didn't look stupefied; they looked desperate.
And Sanzo had been thinking of striking him? When Goku was offering him everything?
“Please, Sanzo.”
Goku's diadem glinted in the moonlight. It was at times like this, times when Goku was facing loss, that the stupid thing was likely to shatter.
Sanzo couldn't let it. Didn't want to let it.
The robes slid from his hand and he bent down to ruffle Goku's hair, for the first time allowing himself to notice how silky it was, to enjoy the feel of it slipping between his fingers.
Goku let out a long sigh and nuzzled into Sanzo's touch.
“I thought you were gonna l-leave me again,” he sniffed.
“Idiot,” Sanzo chided. “I'm not going anywhere.”
Goku sat up and pulled him into a tight embrace.
“Me neither,” he answered and the embrace became a kiss.
With Goku's lips on his, his own heartbeat pounding in his ears and his thoughts swirling, Sanzo felt in danger of drowning. His grip on everything he'd tried to live by was loosening and soon he'd be adrift, swept along on dark currents of feeling and desire.
His hands found Goku's face and held it. They were shaking.
“I-I ..,” Sanzo stuttered, struggling for the words, “I want ...”
“I know.”
Goku's smile was like the sun coming up. He lay back, taking Sanzo with him, and locked his angular legs around Sanzo's waist, tilting his hips and holding his breath as he gazed up at Sanzo, waiting.
“B-but ..” Sanzo stammered, braced on trembling arms.
“C'mon!” Goku laughed. “I've only been waitin' for this, like, forever!”
Sanzo lowered his mouth to Goku's.
Kissing Goku - kissing him deliberately and in full consciousness of what he was doing - felt dangerous, reckless. Sanzo's stomach fluttered wildly, his throat went tight and when his lips met Goku's, he feared the emotion building in his chest might might tear him apart. But then Goku started making soft little noises of desire and Sanzo's passion got the better of him. The kiss became less hesitant and more demanding. Sanzo plunged his tongue against Goku's, rejected the caress it instantly offered and forced it down so that he could explore every fold and hollow of Goku's mouth. With no more than a muffled whimper, Goku acquiesced but, to Sanzo, his uncomplaining submission felt like evasion and sparked even fiercer need in him. Goku had no right to start this and then pull back. The tongue that only a heartbeat earlier Sanzo had been so keen to subdue, he now desperately wanted in his own mouth. He pulled, sucked and nipped until he had it.
Goku stiffened and, planting both palms on Sanzo's chest, he pushed him far enough away to look him in the eye.
“You don't need to get mad, Sanzo,” he said breathlessly. ”I'm not fightin' you.”
Shit! It might have been easier if he had been, Sanzo thought, searching the face below him for even a trace of the doubt and trepidation he himself was feeling. There was none. Goku was absolutely certain. His heels were digging into Sanzo's butt as if to spur him on and his ass bumping invitingly against Sanzo's dick. The sensation was exquisite torture and Sanzo broke a little further. He no longer had the strength or will to stop this. He reached down and aligned himself with the entrance to Goku's body. One shaky intake of breath and he was pushing. There was a moment's resistance, a dry tug of skin pulling on skin, then, with a slight grate and burn, he was inside. Inside Goku.
Oh gods ...
Goku's mouth opened wide and his head arched back.
Sanzo began to move.
“Oh! Ah ... aiee... Ow! OW! No, I'm okay, honest. Don't stop. Please - I said don't stop. Oh, oh - don't stop, don't stop, don't stop,” Goku babbled.
He clawed at Sanzo's back, sank his teeth into his shoulder and sucked on his throat, growling appreciation and encouragement until Sanzo found a stroke that made him catch his breath and shiver with pleasure.
To Sanzo, Goku's unabashed enjoyment of his body and what he was doing to him, was a source of joy almost as intense as that of being inside him. Goku fit him like they were made for each other and he matched Sanzo's rhythm perfectly, as if this were meant to be. It was almost like being in the presence of the divine.
Beneath him, Goku was panting, cheeks flushed, brow dampened with sweat..
“Harder! Faster!” he urged. “Oh yeah! There! Yeah there. Oh, oh! Again! Do it again! Harder, faster ...OH!”
The words spilled from his lips as if he couldn't contain them and for once his incessant talking didn't annoy Sanzo. It delighted him. He drove in deeper, dropped his head and bit a nipple.
Goku squealed and unlocked his ankles from behind Sanzo's back. Before Sanzo knew what was happening, Goku had placed one foot flat on the bed and flipped them both over. Sanzo was still blinking in surprise when Goku raised himself to his knees and skimmed his hands over Sanzo's chest, fingertips teasing his nipples. Sanzo gasped, then gasped again as Goku sat back down hard. The monkey
threw his head back and let loose a cry.
For a moment he seemed incapable of moving, remaining seated on Sanzo's pelvis and shuddering slightly as he fought to get control over his breathing. When at last he'd composed himself, he looked down at Sanzo and smiled, his golden eyes glazed with pleasure. There was so much love in them that Sanzo had to close his own eyes in order to shield himself from it. He felt Goku's hand alight on his cheek, heard a whispered endearment and then Goku was moving again. When he rose up and pulled away, Sanzo's body felt it like a loss, but when he sank back down, the closeness was almost unbearable and Sanzo's instinct was to flee. Desire held him suspended and a low, helpless moan of want rumbled through his chest. Above him, Goku laughed with delight and increased the pace of his enthusiastic bouncing.
Up and down, up-and-down, upanddown
Electric tension tightened Sanzo's every nerve. His heart was racing, his body shaking. At this rate ... Godammit! No way was he going to be the first to lose control. He closed a hand around Goku's dick and thumbed the head.
Goku wailed.
“YeahYeahYeah!” he cried. “Oh yeah, Sanzo! Oh yeah. Oh! .... OhOhAh ... Aah!”
His thighs clamped reflexively around Sanzo's ribcage and he quivered, melted and sighed.
Sanzo felt a hot thick spurt across his hand and chest and finally broke completely.
“Oh! Ah! Aah!” he echoed, as the control he'd striven for so hard peeled back on itself and ripped apart, hurling him wet and pulsing into Goku, into the stupid monkey he'd freed from a mountain-top prison and who'd somehow become someone ... someone whom Sanzo ...
Goku collapsed on top of him, murmuring his name and still twitching with pleasure.
Sanzo was having enough difficulty breathing as it was and Goku's weight was too much.
“Oy,” he muttered, giving Goku's hunched up body a shove. “Don't you dare fall asleep on me. Get off.”
With effort Goku roused himself enough to roll away onto his side, whimpering slightly as Sanzo's dick left his ass.
Without the warmth of Goku on and surrounding him, Sanzo felt suddenly cold. For that reason, and that reason alone, he didn't insist on the monkey going back to his own bed.
Rain pounded on the thin roof above Sanzo's head. Beside him Goku snored.
Know that this is your truth.
Sanzo turned onto his side and closed his eyes. Eventually, he too fell asleep.
* * * * *
He didn't dream and there were no nightmares, despite the rain. So, when he awoke, cold and uneasy in the early hours, at first he had no idea why.
It was a relief to find that Goku had stolen all the bedclothes. His arms and legs were tangled in the sheets and blankets, and even in sleep, he wore a victorious little smile.
“Goddamn monkey!” Sanzo grumbled, as he attempted to extricate a blanket from Goku's grip.
Goku grunted, snuffled and yanked the blanket back, so hard that the momentum had him tumbling off the bed. He landed on the bare floorboards with a thud, only narrowly avoiding banging his head on the bedside table.
“Wha-?” he asked blearily, as he struggled against the bedclothes that held him captive. “Sanzo?”
“You stole all the covers and fell out of bed,” Sanzo informed him. “Stop your goddamn wriggling for a minute and I'll-”
The words died on his lips. Because just behind where Goku lay trussed up like an animal ready for slaughter, stood a figure, silhouetted against the window. At first Sanzo thought it was Hakkai - it had the same dark, slightly ragged hair and glasses - and his stomach contracted with embarrassment. But then he smelt smoke and saw the glowing cigarette end.
His blood ran cold. He willed himself to move but couldn't. His legs wouldn't work; his arms were useless.
The intruder sucked deeply on his cigarette and exhaled.
“It's very dark, don't you think?” he remarked, almost conversationally. “Where did the moon go?”
~I found something I wanted to protect.~
“Goku!” Sanzo gasped, paralyzed.
“Yes,” the stranger confirmed. “Goku. The game needs to move forward, after all.”
The man - Sanzo knew bone-deep that he wasn't a youkai - took a final drag on his cigarette and ground it out Sanzo's ashtray, carefully extinguishing every last spark..
“What do you want, you bastard?” Sanzo demanded, still unable to move.
“The Maten Sutra, of course,” came the reply.
“Over my dead body!”
The stranger laughed.
“But you're the prize, kiddo! Which means the dead body will have to be that of your little friend here.”
He looked down at the struggling Goku and tutted.
“Really, Sanzo-kun, you're a very poor Buddhist. What about muichimotsu? Didn't your sensei teach you anything?”
“Leave my master out of it!” Sanzo hissed. “Or-”
“Or what?” the man taunted, his mouth twisting into a cruel smile. “What will you do, Genjyo Sanzo? Will you kill me with your little gun? Use the sutra to tear me limb from limb? Or will you do what you always do and cower in a corner?”
~I found something I wanted to protect and when I lost it, I realized how worthless I was.~
The room was dark, but even so, Sanzo saw the glimmer of a blade. His heart stopped. He wanted to protect Goku, to stop this sneering asshole from laying a single finger on him and yet he couldn't move a muscle. What the hell was this? A spell?
“We had a bet, you know,” the stranger mused, examining the knife in his hand, “he and I.”
“Crap!” Goku cursed, tearing at the blankets with his teeth. “Crap, crap, crappity-crap! This is all your fault, Sanzo-”
It was true. It was his fault. All of it. Everything.
A streak of silver cut through the darkness and Sanzo could only watch in horror as it plunged down.
~I want something I don't have to protect.~
But the monkey was no longer there. He'd rolled under Sanzo's bed and out of the way in the nick of time.
“This is your fault-” Goku continued, throwing the bedclothes aside and leaping to his feet. “I'd've woken up hungry an' sent this creep packin' ages ago if you hadn't .. you know ...”
Sanzo barely had time to register the sting of guilt evoked by Goku's meaningful pause before the blade flashed bright and deadly for a second time, catching Goku a glancing blow to the upper arm.
“Gaaah!” Goku bellowed, snatching up his weapon. “That does it! Nyoi-bo - extend!”
“My, my,” the intruder chuckled, positioning himself for another lunge with the knife. “Your little pet's just crammed full of spunk, isn't he? Such a shame he has to die.”
“Bring it,” Goku challenged, beckoning with one hand and holding Nyoi-bo ready with the other.
The stranger's dark form rushed him. Nyoi-bo swung through the air and there was a sharp crack as it came down heavily on a chair, smashing it to pieces.
Sanzo heard Goku mutter a curse of surprise - it wasn't like him to miss an opponent - but instantly he was on the attack again, driving the head of Nyoi-bo into the floor in order to vault the empty bed the intruder had jumped behind.
This time Goku managed a punch his attacker's gut, moments before getting a sliver of skin sliced from his shoulder..
“For God's sake, you idiot - cut the fancy moves and concentrate!” Sanzo hissed in frustration and anxiety.
“Don't worry about me, Sanzo,” the monkey replied, cheerily. “I'm strong. I'm fast. I can take care of myself.”
“Unlike some,” the stranger remarked, his creepy sing-song voice coming from somewhere behind Sanzo now. “You know - the kind of coward who always hides behind someone else.”
~He used his body to shield me.~
Goku's head whipped round, seeking the man's location. Sanzo turned his head too - only to discover that the intruder was mere inches away, his knife within striking distance of Sanzo's throat.
“Oh no, you don't, ass-wipe!” Goku cried in alarm. He flew through the air to land on Sanzo's bed, one foot either side of the priest's prone body. He flicked Nyoi-bo and the weapon split in two. First one half, then the other cracked against the intruder's jaw. The man was still groaning in pain, when, with a deft twist of his wrist, Goku reassembled his cudgel and clouted him around the ear. The stranger's balance faltered. His arms flailed and he stumbled backwards. One step. Two. Momentarily he seemed to regain his equilibrium but tripped on the broken chair and fell. The window pane creaked and splintered as he hit it. A moment later he was gone.
Goku ran to the broken window and peered out.
“He disappeared!” he said, mystified. “How'd he do that? D'you think he was a ghost or somethin'?”
“Or something,” Sanzo agreed bitterly.
“Should I go after him?”
Sanzo shook his head. He felt miserable, defeated, impotent.
Goku left the window and came to sit beside him on the bed.
“You okay?” he asked, cupping a hand against the priest's cheek.
From long years of habit, Sanzo batted it away. What the hell? Okay, so now his limbs were functional again? Great!
“I'm fine,” he grunted and sat up. “You?”
Goku shrugged. “Couple of cuts. Nothin' major. Uh, Sanzo ..?”
He swallowed hard enough for Sanzo to hear the gulp.
“Not now,” Sanzo answered stiffly.
~I couldn't protect him. I couldn't protect him. I couldn't ... ~
“Go back to your own bed. Get some sleep. We're out of here first thing tomorrow.”
Goku cocked his head to one side and for a moment Sanzo thought he was going to argue, but instead the monkey leant forward and brushed Sanzo's lips with his own.
“I was never gonna lose to that jerk, y'know,” he said quietly. “You didn't have to worry.”
“Feh!” Sanzo retorted and looked away. “Who said I was worried?”
He heard Goku's bedsprings creak and the rustle of sheets as he made himself comfortable but he didn't look back until he heard snoring.
By then Goku had already kicked the beclothes off his feet. He was lying flat on his back, one arm thrown out to the side, and his chest rising and falling in a slow, steady rhythm. Sanzo shook his head and took out a cigarette. Only Goku could fall so easily and so soundly asleep after such turmoil.
Only Goku.
The first rays of dawn were filtering through the window, picking out the lines of his face. In sleep, they were soft and boyish. His long, dark lashes fluttered against baby-smooth tawny skin and his parted lips vibrated a little with each exhalation.
~I found something I wanted to protect and when I lost it ...~
“Pfft,” Sanzo muttered, wondering when the hell he'd turned into such a drama queen.
Goku wasn't lost. Not yet. This time at least, Sanzo had been lucky. Even so, he wasn't planning on tempting fate again. That bastard - whoever he was - had been right about Sanzo being a bad Buddhist. He'd let himself become dangerously attached. But the sin was his, not Goku's. The monkey shouldn't have to suffer for it.
Be strong, priest Genjyo Sanzo..
Sanzo wasn't strong but for Goku's sake he would be.
He would never touch him again.
* * * * *
Goku was having the most delicious dream. A demon had encased Sanzo in hard-boiled candy and the only way to free him was to lick and suck the sweet from his body. Goku had just got to the part when at last there was more skin than sugar under his tongue, when a hand shook him roughly awake.
“Move it! If you're not ready in five minutes flat, I'm leaving you here.”
Rubbing his eyes, Goku stumbled out of bed and began searching for his clothes. By the time he'd found them, Sanzo had already donned his own underwear and jeans and was sitting on his bed, socks in hand.
Goku glanced down at the priest's feet. They looked different in the light of day. More normal, somehow. On a sudden impulse, he dropped to his knees and slipped a hand under each of Sanzo's heels. Sanzo tried to pull them away but Goku held on tight and lifted each foot to his mouth in turn, peppering them with random kisses.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Sanzo asked, between clenched teeth.
“Sshh!” Goku soothed. “I'm talkin' to th' feet. Sayin' sorry. Cuz they're really not horrible at all. It's jus' that with th' rest of you bein' so-”
“Don't even think it!” Sanzo warned.
Goku already had, but at least had the sense not to say it.
“Okay. But really, Sanzo, they're jus' normal, ordinary feet.”
“Of course they are, baka! Stop talking monkey and get dressed!”
After a final couple of kisses to each big toe, Goku complied.
He watched as Sanzo put his socks on with evident relief, like he was hiding away a part of himself he was ashamed of. A part he had, however unwillingly, allowed Goku to see. Pride and love swelled in Goku's chest and for a moment all he could do was gaze at Sanzo in adoration.
The leather vest was coming down over Sanzo's head but just before it was pulled into place, Goku noticed a small patch of purpling skin on the priest's throat and another on his collar bone.
Goku grinned. Sanzo was very nearly perfect, but not quite. Sure, he was tough and strong-willed, but even he had his weaknesses. Weaknesses Goku had every intention of exploiting.
He couldn't wait 'til the next time they were alone together.