Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Only an Animal? ❯ Only an Animal? ( One-Shot )

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Only an animal

Author: Ashray

Pairing: Goku/ Seiten Taisei

Disclaimer: Saiyuki is mine? Not in this life, not in this world

Warnings: Maybe spoiler on Saiyuki Gaiden, but I’m not sure.

Beta: Youkai_Braut! Thanks, thanks for your help! Thanks sooo much.


Goku woke up in the middle of the night.
He felt that someone was in his room.
The air was clear, the stars were bright and the full moon shone through the window.
In the dark shadow beside the window he could see eyes glitter.
He knew those eyes, but it couldn't be!
“Who are you?”
“You know who I Am.” came the reply, as his visitor stepped into the pale moonlight. Now he got a better sight at the face those eyes belonged to.
Yes, he knew that face! Of course, he saw it every day. Every time he looked into the mirror, or the surface of a lake. It was his own face!
But there were a few differences: the long hair, the pointed ears, the claws and fangs.
“Seiten Taisei!” whispered Goku.
“I am glad that you remember my name, Goku”
“Of course I know your name. What are you doing here? You can’t be here, its impossible.” “But I am here.”
“You want to fight? Of course, you always want to kill everyone in sight!”
“No, I don’t want to hurt you. I would never want to! I have a reason to be here, I want to tell you something very important!”
“What could be important to you? I don't give a damn about what you want!”
“All I want to say is sorry.”
“Sorry?”
“For hurting your friends.”
“You…You know that it’s terrible, and you still do it?”
“I don’t want to! You may not believe it, but it’s the truth!”
“And why do you do it then? Why can you talk to me now, but never when I pass out? With the others. You do it on purpose, right?”
“NO! No, I never wanted to hurt anyone! I can talk to you because we have this.”
And he tipped on his own limiter and Goku’s.

It was then that Goku realized that the youkai wore the same golden band he did.

“When we lose our limiter I lose control over me, just like you. Do you think I’m always only acting by instinct without a thought? Do you really think that the gods would call a stupid animal ‘Great sage’? You never waste a thought on that fact, right?”
Goku looked down to the floor.
Seiten was right, he never thought about it.
“But why do you lose control?”
Goku wanted to know. Maybe that was a chance to find out something about his past.
“Our past.” Seiten corrected him, as if he read his mind. As he saw the surprised look on Goku’s face, he laughed.
“I know what you think; after all we are the same. We are one. From our birth to our death we are together.”
“Tell me about it. Please! Tell me, why are you always so angry? Was there ever a time without the limiter, without killing? I don’t remember anything of what happened before I was imprisoned. Do you know why I was in there? What did I do?”
Seiten took a step forward, but Goku took a step back at the same time. He didn't want to get too close to the youkai. He didn’t trust him. Not now, but maybe later.

With a slightly hurt look on his face Seiten walked up to the windowsill to sit down.
After making himself comfortable he began to speak:

“Once upon a time there was a big mountain. And on the top of this mountain was a rock…”

“It sounds like a fairytale.” Goku gave him a shy smile. He didn't know if he could trust the youkai, but he gave him a chance. He wouldn’t hurt him.

“Yeah, but it’s the truth. And it’s really a long time ago, over 500 years.”

Seiten returned the smile. He didn't look as scary as Goku had suspected.

“And in a full moon night, just like today, the old rock gave birth to a child. This child is you. We were one from the first moment on. And we didn’t need a limiter, we switched places like we wanted and needed to.
You were in control most of the time, while I was in a corner of your mind and watched through your eyes. You were never a great thinker, but I was, so it was alright.”

“But why don’t you take control, you are stronger then I am.”

“Why should I? This way I have more time to think and learn. And I am not really stronger than you. We are the same, remember? But I know how to use our whole power, so it looks like I am stronger then you. But when you become stronger, I become stronger as well.”
“Why did you want to learn so much?”
“One of us had to.
You always wanted to eat everything you found, without knowing what was poisonous and what wasn't!
Without me, you would have died by poisoning yourself.
And you fearless. You always wanted to make friends with every creature.
More than one of them tried to eat you. And I was the one who learnt from this, which animals are harmless and which is not.
I tried to learn as much as possible from the mistakes you made, and I kept you from making them again.
We were happy, we never did anything bad. Sometimes we stole peaches from a garden in a little village near our mountain. But it never was much, we didn’t hurt anyone.
And while you were happy with eating, I learned a little more about the humans, their language and more.
We watched them hunt in the forest and fish in a near river. But we never went far away from our mountain. And when you got us into trouble, we switched places and I got us out of it.”

“And… I remembered..?”
“What I did? Yes, always. And sometimes you actually learned something.”

Both smiled at that statement.

“I always remembered what you did and saw it all the time.
There was no line between us, we were the same.
The people in the village knew us, they knew that we wouldn't do anything bad or hurt anyone. They ignored your visits in the peach trees, and sometimes they gave us some food.
It was a happy time, but all good things must come to an end.
And this end was the day the gods came.

From the top of our rock, we could see a mountain that looked as if we could've touched the sun if we stood on it.
The world looked so big to us, and we wanted to explore it, see all places there.
And one day we left our mountain to try it.
We tried to touch the sun.
The mountain was high, and after awhile we noticed that there were people following us.

They tried to catch us, and we ran away, but we left footsteps in the snow.
We never saw people like this before, and they were so many, and they surrounded us.
They found our trail and there was no chance to escape.
They caught us in a moonless night.

You were scared of them, but I told you you don’t know them, so you can’t tell if they are dangerous. You thought that they were the keepers of the sun, and they'd kill us because they thought we wanted to steal it.
But they promised many things, warmth, food, friends and other stuff.
They said, that they take us to heaven, and that we could leave again, whenever we wanted to.
After a while, I thought that maybe you had been wrong, and they weren't that bad…
Because they don’t hurt us. They don’t kill us.
I thought it was all right, that way I could learn much more about everything, and maybe…..”

“Maybe what, Seiten?” asked Goku, as the youkai stopped talking. He was caught by the story his other self was telling him.
Things that had long been lost, answers to questions he never asked out loud.
The memories he didn't remember.

// He’s intelligent, why is he always so violent in battles?//

“And then? What happened in heaven?”
“They had been lying. They put us in chains, and they are heavy.
But we were strong, so it wasn’t that bad.
And they gave us the limiter.
It took me some time to realize that they wanted to control us, so they kept me away from you with that.
But by then it was too late to escape.
For the first time in my life I was afraid, because I wasn't able to protect us.
They were too strong for us, even if we took the limiter off. I thought they wanted to really kill us.
And it was my fault. I should have told you to run away, not to go with them.
But as they said that we could go to heaven, I thought it was a good chance, maybe we could touch the sky and the sun… It was a stupid idea…”

“No, it’s not only your fault. I know, I can’t remember that, but I know one thing: I always wanted to touch the sky. I always reached for the sun; we wanted the same, then and now. That never changed.”

And Goku gave Seiten a warm smile.

“Yes, your right. And it was not all that bad. One day they dragged you to their boss, the merciful goddess, Kanzeon Bosatsu.
And beside her, stood the brightest person we had seen in heaven.
After the dark room, were they had us locked in for a few days.
Your first through was, that that really was the sun. And what did you do? You tugged at his hair and ripped it out.
We learned that time and later, that the sun can burn us.
Especially when he hits us on the head. But he cared about you, and we were kind of happy, I guess.
For the first time there was someone to play with us, there were always people around us.
And I realized how… quiet it was on our mountain.
It took me some time to notice the look that most of them gave you.
And to know what they meant. And we heard them whisper behind your back.
They didn’t want us in heaven!
But why keep us there, why not bring us back to our mountain.
They didn't want us in heaven, and they didn‘t want us back on our mountain either.
No place for us…. They said that you are a bad sign with your golden eyes.”

“But we didn’t choose the color. That‘s not fair!”

“Who said that life was fair? But you managed to ignore them completely and to enjoy the time there.
They still couldn't affect you.
Because there was one who wanted you to stay and that was enough.
Even if he hit you, because you drew pictures on his documents.
While you drew on them, I used the time to read them, and so I learnt more and more about the place we were at.
And you made friends with field marshal Tenpou and his general Kenren.
Two other people who wanted you there.
We learnt a lot from them, and they always played with you.
Tenpou taught you how to read; I learn it earlier and wanted to teach it to you too, but you were too busy with the smell of the flowers, or catching butterflies.
But it doesn’t matter, because this time you wanted to learn.
And when you want something, you always give your best.
At first, heaven seemed to be a peaceful place, but looks are deceitful. It was forbidden to kill, but they had an army.”

“Wait, what were they doing all the time then?”

“Only the ‘war good’ has the permission to kill. This god was under the command of his father. He was not a good man, he didn’t care about his son. Many gods were unhappy and there was restlessness all around.
One day, after folding Origami (Konzen really wasn't happy), you met a boy of our age. When you first met him, you didn't have a name.
There was never a need to have one before, but now you wanted to tell him your name.
He became one of your friends, because he understood what it meant, to be the only one of your kind in the whole word. And people staring at you and hate you for that!”

Again Seiten stopped talking and looked at the moon. Goku got up from his bed and walked to
the demon,

“But you say that Konzen cared about me! Why did he never come and feed me when I was in the cave? Or at least visit me? You said they were friends, but no one searched for us, missed us? Why didn't Konzen help us?”
“But he does!”
“No, it was… it was…you mean…the picture that I see sometimes… The man that looks like Sanzo with long hair… Is Konzen? Konzen is Sanzo!”
Goku realized. But that means….
“It can’t be! Konzen is a god! Why is he a human now? What was my crime? Did I…?” he wanted to say ‘kill him’, but he couldn‘t get the words out.
“NO! No, but I don’t want to tell you. You don’t want to know. It’s better for you. Trust me, please. I don’t want to say more.

“But I want to know! What did I do wrong?”
Seiten put his clawed hand on Goku’s head and patted him, before he quietly answered:

“Nothing. You did nothing. But I…!
Nataku came back after a long journey and much people welcomed him. You were one of them, and when he saw you, he smiled.
But his father… He hated you for that, because he wanted his son to be alone.
He told him that he was better then you, and he was high above you.
Nataku didn’t care, but his father commanded him.
He didn’t want your friendship.
I think he was a little jealous, but at most he was afraid to lose control over his son, the killing puppet.
And then… he commanded Nataku… ’KILL HIM’… kill your friend…
At first you didn’t understand the meaning of those words, that the people around you repeated them.
A few moments ago thy had cried their welcome to Nataku, and now they want your dead.
The whole hall seemed to chook over with emotion.
You stood opposite from your friend, and then… he told you… that he would do whatever his father said!
For a moment everything went silent, but then… hell broke loose in heaven.
Your friends tried to help you, but nobody listened to them.
And then… he changed the command: ‘KILL THEM ALL’…..
They had no chance.
They were strong, but they were outnumbered …. And…”

Seiten stuttered, took a deep breath and continued:

” I don’t know, who was the first that fell, but it doesn’t matter.
Nataku killed them! You wanted to help your friends, but you were not strong enough, and than you stood opposite of Nataku again.
And you know this is the end.
But it is alright now, because there is no one back from your friends.
You are alone.
All your friends were gone, and there was no place for us to go.
You told Nataku your name, and then….
All turned red…
Nataku had, for the first time in his life, refused a command from his father.
He killed himself.
Now you were all alone with the crowd.
They had left you behind, and something in your head snapped.
You passed out; the tension was too much for you.
We changed, but this time not only by our own will.
When you passed out, I was forced to take your place, and I took the chance.
I thought that I was stronger, I could bear it, I could save you from that…

But I was wrong.

There was your panic and sadness in my heart.

There were the cries from the crowd‘ kill him, kill him’ in my ear.

There was the smell of blood in my nose, the blood from our friends.

On the wall, on the floor, on me…everything bloody, everything red…

And all your panic and sadness changed into something darker…

They are always afraid of us. They are always afraid about nothing.”

Whispered Seiten, and as he looked up from his hands, Goku saw tears glimmer in his eyes. Goku gave in to his urge and gave the youkai a comforting embrace, as he heard him whisper in his ear:
“And then I gave them a reason to be afraid! All I could think was:

‘Who’? Who gave them permission to say you were dangerous? We never did anything!

Who gave them permission to take you away from our home with wrong promises to a place where we were not welcomed?

Who gave them permission to say that you are a heretic; your golden eyes were bad luck?

Who gave them permission to kill us? Who gave them permission to kill our friends?
Who? WHO?”
Seiten broke free from Goku’s hold, his voice getting louder and more desperate with every question.
“I killed them all.
Everyone in the whole room.
Everyone who said ‘kill him’.
Everyone who hurt our friends…
And now, every time you lose or break the limiter, I'm back there.
The blood I smell is the blood of our friends…
It’s like I lose them again and again, and I can’t think clear.
I’m covered in their blood, and then everything turns black.
The next thing I remembered is the stone prison.
Someone told me that I am a beast, and I‘d have to stay there for eternity.
And then you woke up, and they made you forget about all that happened.
That is the price for our crime, the eternity without knowing why.

But they can’t reach me, so I still remember it all. I wished, we had never gone up that mountain.

All we wanted was to touch the sun, a childish wish from an unknowing little child. And now, we could hardly see the sun anymore. I regretted that I didn’t listen to you when you said that you didn’t like them, didn’t trust them.
We wanted to see the world, now we couldn‘t move a single step.
All we could do was watch the day‘s goby.
Day following night following day….
Again and again.
It really seemed like an eternity, but then the sun came back to you…”

Seiten gave Goku an intense gaze.

“Goku, you must grow stronger. Strong enough to break my red haze and stop my rage.
Then we are strong enough to move without the limiter again.
We can work together, like we used to, and then we are strong enough.”
“Strong enough for what?”
“To protect our friends. We show the god‘s that we aren't bad luck, that we can do good things, that we don‘t bring only pain!
This time we won’t let them die because we are too weak. We won’t lose them again! And then a time will come when you remember the past yourself, without me telling you.
It’s important that you remember it by yourself, because hearing it is not the same as knowing and feeling it.
Promise! We won’t lose them again! And for now it is important that you don‘t lose the limiter, we are still too weak.”
And with a look through the window headed:
“And now go back to bed. When you wake up again, you won't remember this night or anything I've told you, like a dream melts away in the daylight. But remember the promise: One day we will be strong enough, we won’t lose them again, and won't be left behind all alone.”
……………
…… 230;..

Sanzo woke up that morning short after sunrise and stepped out of his bed. And fell over a bundle lying on the floor beside his bed.
Swearing he gave the damn thing a good kick and messy brown hair emerged.
“What are you doing in my room?”
“I had an important dream, but I can‘t remember it. But I was afraid that I lost you again, and Hakkai and Gojyo, so I got up and checked that you are all still here.”
“And sleeping on my floor makes it better, baka saru?”
But Goku didn’t hear Sanzo’s insertion.
“I promise, one day I’m strong enough to protect you and the others. I don’t want to be left alone again. I don’t want to lose you again!”
“Again? What are you talking about? Promised who?”
“I don’t know. I don’t remember my dream, something about Seiten Taisei and that I lose you all…”
“It was only a dream, forget that beast and go down to breakfast!”
“Sanzo?” asked Goku as he got up from the ground.
“What?” Sanzo turned around as he was halfway out of the door.
“Why would someone call a stupid animal ‘Great Sage’?”