Sakura Wars Fan Fiction ❯ The Odd and the Weird ❯ The Dressing Tube: Kohran ( Chapter 5 )

Author's Notes:

 

This chapter took place just after Kanna had left to avenge her father's murder, on the day when Yoneda leaves for Sendai to ask Shinguuji Kazuma's mother (Katsura) and Kazuma's wife (Wakana) if he could bring his deceased colleague's only child (Sakura) to the imperial capital and help strengthen the ranks of the Hanagumi. Poor Yoneda - it must have been such a difficult choice for him to make, to be the one having to bear the news that it was now Sakura's time to fulfill the honorable but tragic destiny of all direct descendants of the Shinguuji family; and with him being all too aware of that "curse" and having been present during the last death in the family to boot. But we're not trying to be dramatic here, as this is supposed to be a comedy, so I won't dwell on that too much.

 

Disclaimer: Sakura Taisen is owned by Sega and Red Entertainment. I am not making a profit out of this fanfic, but still, this particular story is mine, so please don't take it.

 

----------

 

The Odd and the Weird

 

Chapter 5

 

"The Dressing Tube: Kohran"

 

----------

 

Vice Commander Fujieda Ayame watched as her superior officer solemnly wore his military cap. She followed his gaze towards an old black and white photograph that stood on his desk... four officers, Yoneda and herself included, in a relatively happy moment in time, captured when close friends and lovers were still alive despite the horrors that plagued the capital.

 

While the man that stood to her left in the picture tugged sorrowful strings in Ayame's heart, she knew that Yoneda was staring at another officer to the right - the one that looked at him amusedly as the older man made his playful pose in front of the camera.

 

"You don't have to do this," she said. "I can always look somewhere else."

 

"Nonsense," Yoneda scoffed. "There's no one better. You and I both know that."

 

"But don't you think we're already asking for too much?"

 

The manager made a shooing gesture with his right hand. "You let me worry about that. Just concentrate on getting those dressing tubes fixed by the time I get back."

 

"I have already brought Li Kohran here today to look into the problem, sir..."

 

----------

 

"Hwaaaa! This is so incredibly cool!"

 

Maria, Sumire, and Iris stood with combined wonder and apprehension as they watched Kohran marvel at the confounded contraption. Their new fellow Hanagumi, who had heralded from the Hanayashiki branch, was perched half-way in the tube(which had been temporarily turned off) on a ladder that hung tentatively at the rim of the opening. The fact that Kohran had gone down the ladder willingly had astounded them, but it disturbed them even more when she began praising the "technological wonder", her reasons - all stated in mechanical lingo as she quite literally dissected the machine - bouncing off their heads and failing to register properly.

 

"It's amazing how the Kanzaki research teams were able devise 3D structured light scanners with near perfect coordinated points even when the subject is in motion! All that computation done within milliseconds... possibly even nanoseconds! I wonder how the computer was calibrated... it would be nice to see that later, especially the programming - surely there must be an AI of sort installed! Oh, here's the cylinder with the light projector..."

 

The three Hanagumi members eventually heard Kohran climbing back towards the top, her head popping up at the hole with a huge smile on her face. "Sumire-han, I commend the company's scientists! This is truly amazing, don't you think?"

 

Sumire laughed haughtily as usual, happy that she was given the chance to further augment her family's glory. There was, however, a slight hesitation in her voice. "O-of course! We only hire the best, after all!"

 

Once Kohran went back down, Iris tugged at Sumire's long kimono and whispered, "Did Sumire understand everything Kohran had said earlier?"

 

"I... that is... learning the mechanics underneath this monstrosity is of no use to a top star..." Sumire stammered.

 

Iris pouted. "That's what Sumire said earlier about the koubus, too."

 

Sumire sighed in defeat. When Kohran had first arrived in the theatre, the very first location she had visited had been the hangar, where the Hanagumi's koubus were kept. She had then raved on and on about the beauty of the inner workings of their unique spirit engines (which had been designed by a certain Yamazaki Shinnosuke), and the magnificent job the Kanzaki group had done in successfully combining such a complex device to that era's steam technology (in fact, her many praises for the company would have made Kanna gag, had she not temporarily left the Teigeki just a few days earlier for personal reasons). All that time, Kohran had expected Sumire to have a grasp of at least half of what she was saying, but the fact was that, as far as the top star of the Hanagumi was concerned, the technical genius could have already been talking in an entirely different language, and she wouldn't have known the difference between that and the jargon that she was hearing now.

 

Maria leaned against the open hole and looked down at Kohran, who was patching up a section of the tube which she had disassembled prior to her investigation. "Given all your detailed observations, were you able to figure out the defects within the machine?" she asked.

 

"Actually, Maria-han, there is nothing wrong with the device. At least, I don't think so," Kohran said, licking her lips as she screwed the last bolt in. She then patted the metal face fondly before ascending.

 

Sumire looked completely outraged. "Surely you must be mistaken! When I... when it was tested weeks ago, it had failed! Miserably, might I add!" she ranted quite lividly as she watched Kohran take out the ladder and close the lid.

 

"Hmm. When it was tested, did the automated hands act as if they were drunk and had randomly twisted the unfortunate subject and her present clothing into some sort of heinous result?"

 

Iris stiffled a giggle while the "subject" lost her glare and blushed. "Erm... well... yes, that is correct."

 

"Then it must be a problem with the power supply!" Kohran said enthusiastically. She eagerly ran towards an open panel located near the hidden door which led to the room. She had used this panel earlier to turn off the chute. Now, she practically ripped the interface off.

 

Maria looked questioningly at Sumire, who could only shrug cluelessly. "Umm, Kohran, what's wrong with the power supply?"

 

Kohran's eyes shone as she hacked her way through the wirings in front of her, completely altering (or practically removing) any safety measure in place. "See, a huge amount of sensors have been placed into each shaft. These scanners determine what kind of dress you have on - they're the eyes of a computer connected to the device which performs massive amounts of calculation to determine how to dress and undress you-"

 

"Your point being...?" Sumire interrupted, not wanting to go through yet another long lecture spoken in the mechanic's alien language.

 

"My point is, an extremely complex machinery such as this requires a huge amount of power for it to work properly." Kohran leaned back from her work and wiped her forehead, a huge smile on her face. "There! The tubes should work perfectly now. All we have to do now is to switch it ON...!"

 

She pressed the ON button from one of the various parts that were scattered on the floor beside her feet (remnants of the panel she had dismantled). There was a discernable hum that wasn't present before as the dressing tubes came back to life, albeit with more juice running in their electrical veins.

 

Kohran looked highly pleased with herself. "Well? Who wants to go first?"

 

Maria, Sumire, and Iris shook their heads simultaneously.

 

The mechanic laughed. "I thought so. You're probably worried that it still wouldn't work as expected. That's why I brought this - !" She took out a life-sized, red-haired dummy of sorts from somewhere behind her back... "- as a test subject!"

 

There was a considerable amount of shocked silence as the Chinese inventor - having not seen Kanna before and was completely oblivious as to whom the doll resembles - proudly sat the figure in front of her.

 

Sumire blinked as she surveyed the Kanna-look-alike dummy. "Where on earth did you get that?"

 

Kohran shrugged. "Kasumi-han gave it to me. She said something about using it on the Mk. 1 dressing tube to show someone that it's nothing to be afraid of."

 

Maria had to summon all of her willpower in her struggle not to laugh (or even smile).

 

"Anyway, enough chit-chat! Let's try to get this thing working before Yoneda-han leaves for his trip!" Kohran moved towards a radio transmitter which was somehow spared from all the tinkering she had done in that room. "Yuri-han, Tsubaki-han, can you hear me at the briefing room?" she said into the receiver.

 

There was a short static before Tsubaki answered, "Loud and clear, Kohran-san!"

 

"We're sending our first subject down. Could you let us know if it's a success?"

 

"No problem!"

 

"All right then!" Kohran proceeded to drag the dummy towards one of the metal lids. "I'm sure Kanna-han wouldn't mind if we use her shaft first," she said, once again completely unaware that her choice was quite appropriate, given the doll she held. The lid, now powered, automatically raised itself in anticipation.

 

Sumire cleared her throat. "Umm... Kohran-san."

 

Kohran looked up from heaving the dummy into position. "Hmm?"

 

"Would you mind if I do the honors?"

 

Kohran grinned. "Why, be my guest, Sumire-han!"

 

Sumire smiled wickedly as she lifted the Kanna look-alike with minor difficulties and quite literally dumped it into the chasm, regardless of whatever its position was in (i.e. waist twisted and leaning all the way backwards; arms and legs entangled). "O-hohohohohohoho!"

 

The mechanic sweatdropped. "W-well... at least we get to see just how good the chute's sensors are..."

 

Seconds later, a burst of excitement emerged from the radio transmitter. Yuri and Tsubaki were both speaking so fast in high-pitched voices that the Hanagumi could barely understand what they were saying.

 

Maria took the receiver and tried to calm them down. "Please behave yourselves!" she commanded.

 

The sound of her stern voice had immediately quieted the two Kazegumi members.

 

"Now," Maria continued, a little bit gentler this time, "Tell us what you saw."

 

"It worked, Maria-san!" Yuri said breathelessly. "The dummy came out all-dressed neatly in Kanna-san's uniform!"

 

"It even landed perfectly on its knee!" Tsubaki added.

 

Sumire growled at the dummy's apparently perfect landing, but was otherwise happy with the results. In the meantime, Iris was a little giddy with excitement, and even Maria looked slightly amazed.

 

"See? See? What did I tell you!" Kohran said proudly.

 

Maria frowned as she shook her head. "It's too early to celebrate," she said, determined to be the skeptic despite the results.

 

"The subject that was used was merely a lifeless object. To determine the success of this experiment, a person should jump into the chute," the captain continued.

 

Kohran nodded thoughtfully, rubbing her chin with her thumb and forefinger. "That's true. The sensors could be more receptive to the dummy's external covering than to the human skin."

 

"But who's going to try it...?" Iris asked innocently.

 

All four Hanagumi members present looked at each other. At least there was a slight improvement - they were not shaking their heads anymore.

 

Sumire went strait to the point though. "I'm not going to jump into that... that... that thing!"

 

Iris didn't say anything, but she definitely didn't look like she was eager to jump down despite all the enthusiasm she had earlier.

 

Kohran scratched her head. "I see. Well then, maybe I should be the one to give it a try."

 

"No, let me do it," Maria said.

 

"Maria-han...?

Maria held Kohran's shoulder. "You're needed here in case something goes wrong. Besides." She gave a small smile. "I was the one who insisted that one of us should test it."

 

Kohran shared her smile, and nodded. "Good luck, Maria-han!"

 

The Hanagumi captain silently walked towards the metal lid bearing her name, her pace slow, her bearing as if she was about to head towards her doom. Iris bit her lip as Maria took off her coat, revealing the red shirt she had underneath - as if removing her heavy outer clothing would make the trip down the shaft easier for both herself and the sensors that Kohran was talking about. When the lid opened in front of the Russian, Iris tightly gripped Sumire's sleeve. "Maria..."

 

Maria turned around slightly and gave her a reassuring look. "I'll be fine, Iris," she said soothingly. And then she jumped...

 

Sumire, Iris, and Kohran strained their ears in an attempt to hear and figure out Maria's progress down the tube - or perhaps more appropriately, to determine if the automated hands were used as target practices again, or so they've been told - but all they could hear was the rather loud humming the device made since it was switched on.

 

It didn't actually take long, but it seemed as if 10 long minutes had passed (as opposed to less than 20 seconds) since Maria had jumped into her dressing tube. Sumire was almost convinced that the shaft had eaten their captain alive, when they heard a second commotion on the radio.

 

"She made it! Maria-san made it!" Tsubaki practically screamed on the receiver. Yuri could be heard clapping at the background, and generally making a huge nuisance out of herself.

 

That feeling of fear which had settled into the hidden room ever since Kanna first fell down into the dressing tube had now lifted, and was replaced with feelings of elation. Finally! The dressing tubes - fully automated dressing tubes - were working! Long live Kohran! Long live Maria! Long live Kanna's dummy! ... err, wait, that didn't make much sense.

 

Anyway, the Hanagumi members who had suffered from the previous tubes were completely ecstastic. "It's working as well as you said it would, Kohran! Thank you!" Maria said over the radio, her voice barely concealing her happiness.

 

Kohran adjusted her glasses. "I told you they should work perfectly! So what do you say, everyone? Shall we all jump in together?"

 

Sumire and Iris nodded. "Let's!"

 

And so all three remaining Hanagumi members in the hidden room leaped, completely entrusting their fate to the hands that Kohran had given life to.

 

----------

 

Yoneda briskly strode through the Teigeki's grand lobby, with a hesitant Ayame right behind him. "(1)Shihainin, please," she pleaded. "You don't have to do it."

 

The lieutenant general dropped his suitcase to the floor and held his vice commander's shoulders with both hands. "Listen to me, Ayame. At times such as these, you need to learn to reign in your constraints and just go ahead and ask. Besides, now is as good a time as ever. We may never get another chance in a long while."

 

Ayame nodded timidly. "All right," she said, finally giving up.

 

"And so..." Yoneda picked up his bag and cleared his throat. "How many (2)zundamochi would you like me to bring home?"

 

"Ten please... twenty, if Wakana-san is willing," Ayame requested, blushing.

 

Yoneda grinned. "She truly does make the best zundamochi in all of Japan, doesn't she?"

 

Ayame nodded again, this time vigorously. "Oh, yes! The last time she had served those scrumptious delights, I had eaten up to the point of over-"

 

BOOM!

 

"...kill...?"

 

----------

 

Down in the briefing room, what had once been a relatively pristine area earlier that morning was now a disaster zone. The table and chairs were upturned. Yuri and Tsubaki were sprawled out on the floor, eyes twirling. The portraits in one corner of the room now had neat holes in them, and looked as if the tubes they hid behind them had shot something out so fast that the portraits were not able to raise themselves in time; like bullets being shot out of the barrels of a couple of guns. Big guns.

 

At the other corner of the room opposite the portraits were all the Hanagumi members, all of them in uniform, arms and legs tangled up together, their eyes swirling as well. Somehow, Maria and the dummy was also included into the mess.

 

Kohran feebly raised her hand. "Cough! Cough! I believe there had been a little too much power going through all those tubes at that one time..."

 

"At least I have some clothes on..." Sumire said weakly, her voice muffled as her head was buried underneath the Kanna doll.

 

"Iris thought the dressing tubes were now working..." Iris moaned.

 

"Well, they did work. We're all in our uniforms," Maria offered.

 

"At this rate, we'll all probably die by the hands of that abomination before we even reach the battlefield!" Sumire spat.

 

"Hey, I did say they should work perfectly, didn't I?" Kohran protested. "I never said they will work."

 

Everyone else groaned, and from that day forward, they had learned never to trust any device that Kohran touched ever again.

 

--Tsuzuki--

 

----------

 

Story Notes:
(1) - "shihainin" - manager
(2) - "zundamochi" - mochi balls with sweet, bright green edamame paste. A specialty from Sendai, or so Wikipedia says.