Samurai Champloo Fan Fiction ❯ All According to Plan ❯ In Which Our Heroine is Faced With A Life Changing Problem ( Chapter 1 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Supreme Commander of Rubber Ducks 
People are forced to do things they don't want to do.
And Mugen gets laid. Then gets screwed.
Anime/Manga: Samurai Champloo Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Mystery / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.29.2005 | Updated On: 12.29.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 664 | Status: Completed
People are forced to do things they don't want to do.
And Mugen gets laid. Then gets screwed.
Anime/Manga: Samurai Champloo Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Mystery / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.29.2005 | Updated On: 12.29.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.4K | Visits: 664 | Status: Completed
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All According to Plan
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Chapter One:
In which our heroine is faced with a life-changing problem.
---
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they are both disappointed.”
- Albert Einstein
---
Fuu couldn’t believe it. She absolutely, positively could not believe it. How could the clan do this?! After all of the sacrifices she had to make for the clan! And now this? Her shaking hand held the piece of paper that signed her life away. It was no fair, really, how a bunch of old men who married women they truly loved signed away an obedient (well, to a point) girl of the clan just for some land. Fuu wanted to pout. Loudly. With the clan elders in the room.
“Sheesh. This is so not fair,” She growled out. “I help out with security around here and they force me into marriage.” She reread the paper. “‘To Fuu-san, Due to the decrease in attacks around the Four Clans lands, we are not in need of your services. However, due to your coming-of-age in two weeks, the clan has agreed to bind you and the prince of the Fire Clan to bind the two clans. This is an excellent idea to end war and suffering between the two clans.’” She pouted. “No fair. Why couldn’t they just get Kohaku-chan or Aya-chan? They’re already of age . . . and they’re royalty.”
“Fuu-san?” The calm voice of one of her fellow security officers, Jin, resounded through the empty room Fuu was sitting in. He poked his pale face into the room, and, seeing her in there, he walked in. “I thought I heard you.” He walked toward her, the swords around his waist clinking as he walked. “I heard of the clan’s order.” She looked up. Jin heard too? Mou . . .
“It’s horrible! I don’t know why they’re making me do this! I’m not even royalty!” Fuu exclaimed. “I came from a family of security officers! The highest position my family has been was when my father gained the elite Kamikaze . . . and they’re not even high enough to matter.” She crossed her arms across her chest. “And . . . and . . . arranged marriages . . . ” She stopped. “I want to marry for love. Not for the clan.”
“That is a very selfish remark,” Jin answered. She gaped at him. Jin said that?! Even after he had married that slave woman, Shino? What a hypocrite! As if reading her thoughts, Jin continued. “I admit, and I am not one to tell you this. However, I have proven my responsibility to the clan many times —.”
“As have I!” She exclaimed. “I helped you with the attack at Miyo! I nearly died! And now I have to marry someone who’s probably a jackass! Mou! My life sucks!” She growled, and she stood up to pace around. “I mean . . . come on! You men get to choose who you marry! It’s us girls who have to have our grooms chosen for us, like we’re invalids who’ll choose someone sorely on passion and romance! Well, that’s not true! I want to marry someone who I love!”
“Isn’t that romance and passion?” came Jin’s drawling voice.
Frustrated at being proven right, Fuu stomped with her clothed foot, her face red. “I... I mean, I want to marry someone who I actually know! This prince guy is someone I’ve never met, never came across, and is probably someone so vile, evil, and ugly that no one in his clan would even look him in the eye!” She sighed. “Why didn’t they choose Kohaku-chan or Aya-chan?”
“Kohaku-san is engaged to Takashi-san. Aya-san is being courted by Keisuke-san,” Jin answered. “The clan elders have taken them into consideration, though.”
“Then why have I been taken into consideration?” Fuu asked him. “I have no royal blood in me . . . surely this prince’ll have nothing to do with me . . . ” She drooped down. “And I’ll never be in love . . . ” She suddenly felt like crying. “Why me, Jin?” She slumped to the floor. “I did nothing wrong to the ancestors . . . ” She started to sob. “Why . . . sniff . . . do they . . . sniffle . . . dislike me so?!”
Feeling a bit uncomfortable with the situation, Jin did the only thing he could think of. He patted the crying girl on her shoulder, a grimace on his face. “Would it make you feel better if you hear that your fiancee is arriving in a week?” She froze. Jin, feeling as though his words made her feel better, didn’t see Fuu’s angry look as she turned and slapped him.
Apparently it didn’t make her feel better.
---
Mugen wanted to yawn. Loudly. These royal parties were so boring. However, the pockets of the royals were always being unwatched by their security officers during the parties. And Mugen sure loved the color of the royals’ money. It was enough to make him sit through all of the honorable proceedings. Smirking as he saw a lord ahead of him turn to talk with his wife, he noticed the lord’s money pouch slide out of his pocket oh-so-slowly. Darting his eyes around, Mugen quickly, almost as fast as the wind, grabbed the pouch and hid it in his kimono.
“... The prince Kiyoshi will be married to the lady Fuu of the Four Winds Clan. His marriage will tie the Four Winds Clan with the Fire Clan and end the suffering,” The priest at the front of the hall spoke. Mugen paid the man no heed as he peered through the crowd at unattended purses and satchels. His eyes lit up as he saw an extremely attractive woman eyeing him from a row ahead of him. ‘Bingo. A good fuck and some broad’s money . . . ’ Clearing his throat, he sat up straighter, not breaking eye contact with the woman.
Her lips curved into a crimson smile as she nodded seductively and turned around to view the proceedings. Mugen smirked. He was in. Now he just needed to tire the woman out that night and make off with her stuff.
He loved his job.
A few hours later found Mugen laying next to the woman from the ceremony. She was completely wore out. Mugen was a little tired himself. Apparently, this woman had previous experience before, he chuckled. Looking at the horizon and seeing the peek of the sunrise, he jumped out of the bed and started to get dressed. Once his outfit was on, he quickly began collecting valuables he had noted when the woman had given him a tour around the home.
Grabbing a small satchel, he filled it up. Turning toward the woman sleeping soundly and unaware of her robbery, Mugen saluted her and walked out. All in all, he had a good day.
That is, until he walked out of the house and was grabbed from behind.
---
“This thief has been terrorizing our people for years!” An old lady exclaimed as Mugen, tied up in rough ropes, winced. How was he to know the woman he just slept with was an undercover security officer and the whole thing was a ruse to arrest him?! “He stole many valuable things in my home and ruined my daughter’s good reputation!” The young woman next to her, whom Mugen recognized right away (‘Aa, the girl who could put her ankles behind her head . . . I remember her!’), nodded vehemently. “I demand he be put to death!” Many others in the court room yelled out their agreements.
“Order, order!” The judge, an elderly, overweight man, announced. “Let us allow the accused to speak.” He turned toward Mugen, “Do you have anything to say, sir?” Mugen merely glared at him and looked down at the cloth that was currently gagging him from saying anything. “Aa . . . security, take off his restraints.”
Free to say what he could, Mugen began by saying, “I do not apologize for anything!” Gasps echoed through the courtroom. Using some of his finesse he had learned from years of seduction and thievery, he continued. “But what would you do if you had five children to raise? I wish I didn’t do any of this . . . but I have children to feed!” He peeked at the young woman next to the elderly lady earlier and mentally grinned when he saw her looking pitifully at him.
“That still doesn’t allow you to steal!” The old lady announced. “And seduce young women!” Mugen grimaced. How was he going to get out of this?! He couldn’t . . . He sighed.
Then he noticed the sword dangling from the security officer ahead of him. She wasn’t paying him any heed . . . He grinned and reached out.
“Kyaaaa! He has my sword!” She exclaimed when the cold steel touched her back. The courtroom gasped as one. “Someone, help me!” However, it appeared that the courtroom was frozen. “Onegai! Someone . . . help me!”
To Mugen, the wails of a security officer were rather disgusting. He quickly pulled the sword away from her and leapt over her. He grinned when he saw the amount of people back away from the sword-brandishing convict.
However, his cockiness at scaring the courtroom kept him from seeing the many security officers surround him... until it was too late.
“Kuso!”
---
Fuu pouted as she was touted as the one woman who could tie two thousand years of rivalry and hatred. She hated all of the pomp and circumstance of the whole thing. It was no fair. Looking around at the looks of everyone around her, she felt hatred towards every single one of them. They could celebrate and be merry. She, however, had to marry someone she never met, let alone love.
“They’re evil,” She whispered. Feeling an elbow poke her in the side, she looked over to see Jin. She smiled at him. “They are though. I bet none of them want to be in my shoes.” She looked back at the crowd. “I mean, we’ve all heard rumors about the Fire Clan men. About how they torture their women...” She shivered.
“I highly doubt that’s true,” Jin answered. “I’m sure one or two of them are nice.”
Fuu blinked. Did Jin just make a joke? Shaking her head from confusion, she turned to the crowd and gave the largest, falsest smile she could give. After all, they wanted to see her happy, right?
---
At his second trial, Mugen was tied up with chains, and he believed they wouldn’t allow him to speak for himself this time. Especially since it was an attempted murder charge. Sighing as he heard each of the courtroom members say their side of the story (“He looked at me with devil eyes! He was about to cast a spell on me!”), he couldn’t believe his turn of luck. Next time, he told himself, avoid the woman who has crimson lips. They should remind him of a ‘stop’ sign. Red means bad, Mugen, he told himself.
“And does anyone have anything else to say about the defendan–“ The judge was interrupted by a messenger who ran into the courtroom, breathing heavily. “Yes, what is it?”
“The. . . Four Winds. . . Clan. . .” The messenger said through gasps of breath. “They sent. . . troops. . . killed. . . four villages on. . . the border!” Everyone (except for Mugen, that is) gasped at the news. A second later, the courtroom exploded into chaos. Everyone was shrieking. This gave Mugen a chance to. . .
A hand slapped down on his shoulder. “Not so fast, you. The messenger has asked for a convict to come with him to the palace. Apparently, the king would like you to do a mission.”
---
When he reached the palace with the messenger and a security officer, he was met with a shivering royal sitting next to a large, pompous looking man. Both looked scared.
“Aa, Lord Ryuu...” Both the messenger and security officer bowed, but Mugen did nothing. “We heard that you are looking for a ruse to destroy the Four Winds Clan, so we brought along this convict.”
“Good, good, thank you, Akiyuki-san. You two may leave us,” Lord Ryuu told them. They bowed and left. “Well. . . I’m sure you’ve heard of the news. I will not beat around the bush here. . . I cannot possibly allow a marriage between the Four Winds Clan and my son. . . Those monsters could kill him.” He coughed. “So I want you to go in his place.”
“Huh?” Mugen asked.
“In exchange for your freedom. You marry this. . . Fuu from the Four Winds Clan, and we’ll let you go. Just give the Fire Clan news of whatever the Four Winds Clan is thinking of, and we’ll grant you your freedom.”
“Just why in the hell would I want to do this?” Mugen exclaimed.
“Because, sir, if you don’t I will have you executed. Attempting murder on a security officer is a serious offense,” Lord Ryuu answered bluntly.
Sighing, Mugen answered, “Her name’s Fuu, right?”
---
Author’s note: This is my first Samurai Champloo fic. I admit, the characters seem... OOC. But then again, this is alternative universe. I hope you enjoy it. Please review. ^_^
Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Champloo, but the story line is mine.
All According to Plan
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Chapter One:
In which our heroine is faced with a life-changing problem.
---
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they are both disappointed.”
- Albert Einstein
---
Fuu couldn’t believe it. She absolutely, positively could not believe it. How could the clan do this?! After all of the sacrifices she had to make for the clan! And now this? Her shaking hand held the piece of paper that signed her life away. It was no fair, really, how a bunch of old men who married women they truly loved signed away an obedient (well, to a point) girl of the clan just for some land. Fuu wanted to pout. Loudly. With the clan elders in the room.
“Sheesh. This is so not fair,” She growled out. “I help out with security around here and they force me into marriage.” She reread the paper. “‘To Fuu-san, Due to the decrease in attacks around the Four Clans lands, we are not in need of your services. However, due to your coming-of-age in two weeks, the clan has agreed to bind you and the prince of the Fire Clan to bind the two clans. This is an excellent idea to end war and suffering between the two clans.’” She pouted. “No fair. Why couldn’t they just get Kohaku-chan or Aya-chan? They’re already of age . . . and they’re royalty.”
“Fuu-san?” The calm voice of one of her fellow security officers, Jin, resounded through the empty room Fuu was sitting in. He poked his pale face into the room, and, seeing her in there, he walked in. “I thought I heard you.” He walked toward her, the swords around his waist clinking as he walked. “I heard of the clan’s order.” She looked up. Jin heard too? Mou . . .
“It’s horrible! I don’t know why they’re making me do this! I’m not even royalty!” Fuu exclaimed. “I came from a family of security officers! The highest position my family has been was when my father gained the elite Kamikaze . . . and they’re not even high enough to matter.” She crossed her arms across her chest. “And . . . and . . . arranged marriages . . . ” She stopped. “I want to marry for love. Not for the clan.”
“That is a very selfish remark,” Jin answered. She gaped at him. Jin said that?! Even after he had married that slave woman, Shino? What a hypocrite! As if reading her thoughts, Jin continued. “I admit, and I am not one to tell you this. However, I have proven my responsibility to the clan many times —.”
“As have I!” She exclaimed. “I helped you with the attack at Miyo! I nearly died! And now I have to marry someone who’s probably a jackass! Mou! My life sucks!” She growled, and she stood up to pace around. “I mean . . . come on! You men get to choose who you marry! It’s us girls who have to have our grooms chosen for us, like we’re invalids who’ll choose someone sorely on passion and romance! Well, that’s not true! I want to marry someone who I love!”
“Isn’t that romance and passion?” came Jin’s drawling voice.
Frustrated at being proven right, Fuu stomped with her clothed foot, her face red. “I... I mean, I want to marry someone who I actually know! This prince guy is someone I’ve never met, never came across, and is probably someone so vile, evil, and ugly that no one in his clan would even look him in the eye!” She sighed. “Why didn’t they choose Kohaku-chan or Aya-chan?”
“Kohaku-san is engaged to Takashi-san. Aya-san is being courted by Keisuke-san,” Jin answered. “The clan elders have taken them into consideration, though.”
“Then why have I been taken into consideration?” Fuu asked him. “I have no royal blood in me . . . surely this prince’ll have nothing to do with me . . . ” She drooped down. “And I’ll never be in love . . . ” She suddenly felt like crying. “Why me, Jin?” She slumped to the floor. “I did nothing wrong to the ancestors . . . ” She started to sob. “Why . . . sniff . . . do they . . . sniffle . . . dislike me so?!”
Feeling a bit uncomfortable with the situation, Jin did the only thing he could think of. He patted the crying girl on her shoulder, a grimace on his face. “Would it make you feel better if you hear that your fiancee is arriving in a week?” She froze. Jin, feeling as though his words made her feel better, didn’t see Fuu’s angry look as she turned and slapped him.
Apparently it didn’t make her feel better.
---
Mugen wanted to yawn. Loudly. These royal parties were so boring. However, the pockets of the royals were always being unwatched by their security officers during the parties. And Mugen sure loved the color of the royals’ money. It was enough to make him sit through all of the honorable proceedings. Smirking as he saw a lord ahead of him turn to talk with his wife, he noticed the lord’s money pouch slide out of his pocket oh-so-slowly. Darting his eyes around, Mugen quickly, almost as fast as the wind, grabbed the pouch and hid it in his kimono.
“... The prince Kiyoshi will be married to the lady Fuu of the Four Winds Clan. His marriage will tie the Four Winds Clan with the Fire Clan and end the suffering,” The priest at the front of the hall spoke. Mugen paid the man no heed as he peered through the crowd at unattended purses and satchels. His eyes lit up as he saw an extremely attractive woman eyeing him from a row ahead of him. ‘Bingo. A good fuck and some broad’s money . . . ’ Clearing his throat, he sat up straighter, not breaking eye contact with the woman.
Her lips curved into a crimson smile as she nodded seductively and turned around to view the proceedings. Mugen smirked. He was in. Now he just needed to tire the woman out that night and make off with her stuff.
He loved his job.
A few hours later found Mugen laying next to the woman from the ceremony. She was completely wore out. Mugen was a little tired himself. Apparently, this woman had previous experience before, he chuckled. Looking at the horizon and seeing the peek of the sunrise, he jumped out of the bed and started to get dressed. Once his outfit was on, he quickly began collecting valuables he had noted when the woman had given him a tour around the home.
Grabbing a small satchel, he filled it up. Turning toward the woman sleeping soundly and unaware of her robbery, Mugen saluted her and walked out. All in all, he had a good day.
That is, until he walked out of the house and was grabbed from behind.
---
“This thief has been terrorizing our people for years!” An old lady exclaimed as Mugen, tied up in rough ropes, winced. How was he to know the woman he just slept with was an undercover security officer and the whole thing was a ruse to arrest him?! “He stole many valuable things in my home and ruined my daughter’s good reputation!” The young woman next to her, whom Mugen recognized right away (‘Aa, the girl who could put her ankles behind her head . . . I remember her!’), nodded vehemently. “I demand he be put to death!” Many others in the court room yelled out their agreements.
“Order, order!” The judge, an elderly, overweight man, announced. “Let us allow the accused to speak.” He turned toward Mugen, “Do you have anything to say, sir?” Mugen merely glared at him and looked down at the cloth that was currently gagging him from saying anything. “Aa . . . security, take off his restraints.”
Free to say what he could, Mugen began by saying, “I do not apologize for anything!” Gasps echoed through the courtroom. Using some of his finesse he had learned from years of seduction and thievery, he continued. “But what would you do if you had five children to raise? I wish I didn’t do any of this . . . but I have children to feed!” He peeked at the young woman next to the elderly lady earlier and mentally grinned when he saw her looking pitifully at him.
“That still doesn’t allow you to steal!” The old lady announced. “And seduce young women!” Mugen grimaced. How was he going to get out of this?! He couldn’t . . . He sighed.
Then he noticed the sword dangling from the security officer ahead of him. She wasn’t paying him any heed . . . He grinned and reached out.
“Kyaaaa! He has my sword!” She exclaimed when the cold steel touched her back. The courtroom gasped as one. “Someone, help me!” However, it appeared that the courtroom was frozen. “Onegai! Someone . . . help me!”
To Mugen, the wails of a security officer were rather disgusting. He quickly pulled the sword away from her and leapt over her. He grinned when he saw the amount of people back away from the sword-brandishing convict.
However, his cockiness at scaring the courtroom kept him from seeing the many security officers surround him... until it was too late.
“Kuso!”
---
Fuu pouted as she was touted as the one woman who could tie two thousand years of rivalry and hatred. She hated all of the pomp and circumstance of the whole thing. It was no fair. Looking around at the looks of everyone around her, she felt hatred towards every single one of them. They could celebrate and be merry. She, however, had to marry someone she never met, let alone love.
“They’re evil,” She whispered. Feeling an elbow poke her in the side, she looked over to see Jin. She smiled at him. “They are though. I bet none of them want to be in my shoes.” She looked back at the crowd. “I mean, we’ve all heard rumors about the Fire Clan men. About how they torture their women...” She shivered.
“I highly doubt that’s true,” Jin answered. “I’m sure one or two of them are nice.”
Fuu blinked. Did Jin just make a joke? Shaking her head from confusion, she turned to the crowd and gave the largest, falsest smile she could give. After all, they wanted to see her happy, right?
---
At his second trial, Mugen was tied up with chains, and he believed they wouldn’t allow him to speak for himself this time. Especially since it was an attempted murder charge. Sighing as he heard each of the courtroom members say their side of the story (“He looked at me with devil eyes! He was about to cast a spell on me!”), he couldn’t believe his turn of luck. Next time, he told himself, avoid the woman who has crimson lips. They should remind him of a ‘stop’ sign. Red means bad, Mugen, he told himself.
“And does anyone have anything else to say about the defendan–“ The judge was interrupted by a messenger who ran into the courtroom, breathing heavily. “Yes, what is it?”
“The. . . Four Winds. . . Clan. . .” The messenger said through gasps of breath. “They sent. . . troops. . . killed. . . four villages on. . . the border!” Everyone (except for Mugen, that is) gasped at the news. A second later, the courtroom exploded into chaos. Everyone was shrieking. This gave Mugen a chance to. . .
A hand slapped down on his shoulder. “Not so fast, you. The messenger has asked for a convict to come with him to the palace. Apparently, the king would like you to do a mission.”
---
When he reached the palace with the messenger and a security officer, he was met with a shivering royal sitting next to a large, pompous looking man. Both looked scared.
“Aa, Lord Ryuu...” Both the messenger and security officer bowed, but Mugen did nothing. “We heard that you are looking for a ruse to destroy the Four Winds Clan, so we brought along this convict.”
“Good, good, thank you, Akiyuki-san. You two may leave us,” Lord Ryuu told them. They bowed and left. “Well. . . I’m sure you’ve heard of the news. I will not beat around the bush here. . . I cannot possibly allow a marriage between the Four Winds Clan and my son. . . Those monsters could kill him.” He coughed. “So I want you to go in his place.”
“Huh?” Mugen asked.
“In exchange for your freedom. You marry this. . . Fuu from the Four Winds Clan, and we’ll let you go. Just give the Fire Clan news of whatever the Four Winds Clan is thinking of, and we’ll grant you your freedom.”
“Just why in the hell would I want to do this?” Mugen exclaimed.
“Because, sir, if you don’t I will have you executed. Attempting murder on a security officer is a serious offense,” Lord Ryuu answered bluntly.
Sighing, Mugen answered, “Her name’s Fuu, right?”
---
Author’s note: This is my first Samurai Champloo fic. I admit, the characters seem... OOC. But then again, this is alternative universe. I hope you enjoy it. Please review. ^_^
Disclaimer: I do not own Samurai Champloo, but the story line is mine.