Samurai Champloo Fan Fiction ❯ Fine, Fine Line ❯ Fuu ( Chapter 2 )

I remember watching him fall.

 

But he had to be okay, right? It's Jin, for crying out loud. He's always okay. Maybe he was a little injured, but I could take care of that, no problem. I had already taken care of all of our injuries over the journey, so this one wasn't going to be anything new.

 

When I was sure that…that -man- was dead; I rushed to his side.

 

“Jin?” I whispered, gently pushing at his shoulder. “Jin, it's Fuu.”

 

No response. I shook a little bit harder.

 

“Jin, wake up!”

 

Nothing.

 

That's when I noticed that his eyes were open, but didn't seem focused on anything; just staring off into space.

 

I placed my fingers on his neck, looking for a pulse, just a hint that he was alive and just playing a really nasty trick on me. Maybe something that he picked up from Mugen; just to get me angry, that jerk.

 

Nothing.

 

Glassy stare. No pulse.

Oh…god…no.

 

No, it can't be! Not him, not now! He just saved my life! I started to choke, unable to let the tears fall yet. No, not him. He was supposed to stay alive! Any moment, he'd start moving and be angry that I automatically thought the worst. He always said that I needed to calm down more, and…

 

I couldn't help it; I started to sob uncontrollably. Even more than when Mama died. His bloodied, broken body was before me, completely unresponsive and slowly growing cold. I didn't want it to come true.

 

“WAKE UP, YOU JERK!” I screamed, pounding my fist on his chest. “Don't die on me! Not after all we've gone through! Not now! Not—“ I was unable to finish the sentence, which was already punctuated by my cries.

 

And that's when I heard the explosion. It only had to come from one place.

 

No, not him.

 

“MUGEN!” I yelled, even though I knew it was futile.

 

Not Mugen, too. Not both of them! Did they both die saving my life? So that I could complete the journey?

 

How could I live with myself, knowing that I was indirectly responsible for their deaths? I told them not to come with me to the island, but instead…

 

We had just finished a journey together, and even though we had a lot of problems getting to Nagasaki, we made it. There were times when I thought that we'd never get there, and there was a little piece of me that hoped that we'd have to keep traveling to find my father. Thinking of both of them leaving me seemed unbearable. Even after Mama died, I had my work at the teahouse, and my bosses looked after me. Now…this was going to be the first time in my life where I was truly and utterly alone.

 

Stupid girl, I thought. Stupid, selfish girl. Always relying on others to get her work done. That's why I told them not to come with me. Why I left them on the docks.

 

Why did they follow?

 

“Miss!” I heard a reedy, high-pitched voice call out. “You're alive!”

 

I turned from Jin's body to face my father's only retainer, looking out of breath from his struggle to get away. “I heard you scream. How did you-“

 

“A friend,” I interrupted. “A friend of mine was trapped in that explosion at the church. His name's Mugen. Can...can you find him for me? Bring him back?”

 

“Of course.” He turned to leave.

 

“And-“ Great, I knew my voice was cracking. “And…we need to have a burial.”

 

Luckily, he left before I started to tear up again.

 

“I'm sorry, Jin,” I whispered.

 

Slowly, slowly, slowly, I reached towards his face.

 

With two shaking fingers, I closed his eyes.

 

I'm sorry.

 

 

 

The next few days passed by in a blur. My father's retainer-Ichiro-brought Mugen to the house to recover, and he had been completely unconscious. I was so busy, tending to him, burying my father…and saying goodbye.

I burst into tears again as we washed his body. I excused myself for most of it, of course, but just seeing him so lifeless and cold—something just pulled in me, and I couldn't hold it in. And of course, I could just hear him telling me to calm down, that it wasn't worth getting worked up over. Brought on a fresh round.

 

Ichiro asked me if there was anything that I wanted to set aside, as a memento. We decided not to bury his swords with him, the same as with my father. I was about to say nothing when my eyes caught the tiniest flash of green. Ichiro must have seen it, too, because the next thing I knew, he was pressing Jin's prayer beads into my hand.

 

I kept them with me as we prayed over his grave, twisting and rubbing the glass between my fingers. The gesture seemed so familiar, and I remembered being with him at another death.

 

Where he performed the same action, in what I thought was a desperate attempt for comfort. He had seemed to be so close to that boy, and now…now I was saying the same prayers for him. This time, they hit a little closer to home.

 

When Ichiro finally left me—to check on Mugen, he said, even though I knew it was to give me some time alone—I sank down to my knees. I didn't say anything at first, just looked at the marker, the mound, and the three small sunflowers placed near his grave. We didn't have any holders for them, or for water and incense, but he needed something proper. We didn't have the means to burn his body, and I just hoped that he understood that we couldn't give him a proper funeral.

 

“Hope that you're not mad,” I murmured. “That you're okay.”

 

I sat back on my heels, straightening up.

 

“I wish you could just tell me why, Jin. Why did you sacrifice yourself?”

 

I could just imagine him lecturing me. Because the way of the samurai is found in death.

 

“I knew you were prepared for it, I just—“

 

“I just wish you were still here with us. I don't know if Mugen is going to make it yet, he's still out cold. I want to know that everything's fine. That we were all back together again, even though I know that you two would be fighting and I'd be telling both of you to stop, and it would just be like it was before.”

 

When I wasn't alone.

 

“I took your beads,” I said shyly, holding them up. “Hope that you don't mind.”

 

I'm sentimental like that. I needed something to hold, something of his memory that I could keep with me. I pulled out my tanto and carefully attached the bracelet to the rest of the dangle.

 

“I don't know where I'm going to go next, or what I'm supposed to do. So I'm hoping…I don't know.”

 

I'm hoping that you can guide me. It wasn't something I could say out loud, but I knew he heard me.

 

I heard a slight cough, and turned around. Ichiro was standing behind me, apologetic but with a broad grin on his face.

 

“He's waking up!”

 

“I'll be there in a few minutes,” I told him as I turned back around. He quickly left again.

 

“Looks like I have to go,” I whispered. “But I'll come back to visit, as soon as I can. I promise.”

 

I stood up with a slight groan, my knees popping back into place. I tried to manage a tiny smile for him.

 

“I miss you. Try not to be lonely without us?”

 

I turned and slowly walked down the hill, the beads on my tanto brushing against my fist.

 

Slowly. Take small steps, wait it out as long as you can.

 

My mouth went dry as I tried to figure out how to break the news.