Samurai X Fan Fiction / Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ A Game Of Hearts ❯ Chapter 4: The Heart Matters ( Chapter 4 )

Author's Notes:

 

Iya - informal/unrefined version of “Iie”, meaning “no”

 

Anou / Eeto - stammering words, equivalent to “err” or “umm”

 

Sumanai - informal “sumimasen”, meaning “excuse me” or “sorry”

 

Gomen - “sorry”

 

Mou - expression of annoyance/disapproval/frustration

 

Baka - “Idiot” or “stupid”

 

// - Thought

** - Emphasis

 

TattleTale

 

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Chapter 4: The Heart Matters

 

As evening approached, Misao gazed at the ripples which travelled over the small surface area of the water in the basin. She was sitting out her vigil on Omasu's almost still form, and she had taken the luxury to slip into a reverie of sorts.

 

That afternoon, when it had been revealed to her the difficulty in which Aoshi had been, it had revived her hope that, perhaps, Aoshi would start opening up to her more, now that the immediate threat was over. Still, in the intervening hours, he hadn't given her much reason to believe that his attitude towards her would change any time soon.

 

/Maybe he's just too caught up with preparing for tomorrow's mission... Silly me, it's only been a few hours after all.../ Misao tried to resolved to give him more time first before she'd start to mope again.

 

Next was the issue of her position as the `Okashira'. Ever since Aoshi had participated and in effect dominated decisions in the Enishi incident, she had felt that it was absolutely ludicrous to try to assert her right to the title. Now, she pretty much wanted to drop it like a hot potato and was contented, even glad, that Aoshi had once more resumed his rightful role in practice. Yet, she knew that status quo could not continue, considering that it would make her look like a fool to keep the title and that allowing Aoshi to subtly take charge without his having the official title back served only to remind him of his relatively recent and rather grave error. Nor did Misao fancy all the other Oniwabanshuu members tip-toeing around the issue every time it became apparent, like when Aoshi was the primary one facilitating the conference earlier that day.

 

However, try as she might, she had no idea how she could give the title back to him subtly... and it would be hard to do so obviously without unearthing too many rotting issues regarding his period of absence.

 

And then there was Hiko... Misao really didn't quite know what to make of him. Immediately after he'd helped them all out by staving Fuji off and then defeating him, she had thought that he was pretty damn cool, never mind his arrogance. Of course, since Aoshi had always been the only one for her, she would never deign to fall head over heels for him as Okon and Omasu had. Still, it was altogether a positive first impression.

 

Then, as the day had dragged on as they had waited for their heroes' return, he had proven to be a bit too snobbish for her to take any longer, and she had had to think twice about her initial assessment, even blowing up at Hiko later that day (only to earn a hearty chuckle from the man, which had only aggravated matters for her).

 

That morning had been the second encounter with Kenshin's master, and, once more, she had found herself having to reassess him. Although the full implications of his actions towards her that morning hadn't dawned upon her until after the conference-of-sorts, her mind had subconsciously registered in that spur of the moment his gentleness as he had half-hugged her to himself while she had gone ballistic. Upon further reflection, she also remembered his referring to Aoshi as “her” Aoshi-*sama*, which, she decided, went a long way to putting her at ease. More importantly, it was during those few silent moments, after her sobs had died down but before Hiko had moved to coax her off him, that she had felt totally safe and secure, that everything would turn out all right in the end. It was a peace that she hadn't experienced in a long time, not even with Aoshi, considering the distance that he had kept wedged between them since his return.

 

Misao sighed. His effect on her was just as puzzling as her responses to him.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sliding open of the shouji to Omasu's room.

 

“Misao-chan?” Okon poked her head in. “I've come to take over from you..., ” Okon explained, stepping into the room.

 

“Okon...! Aa, hai,” Misao perked up and acknowledged Okon, standing up to leave, then inquired, “What are Aoshi-sama and the rest doing?”

 

“Aoshi-sama's still ironing out the details of tomorrow's mission with Okina... maybe you should wait till he's done before seeking his company, ne?”

 

“Oh... Okay then,” Misao seemed somewhat crestfallen as she slid the shouji shut, and Okon smiled gently upon seeing this... if Misao had ears that protruded like a rabbit's, they would be drooping ever-so-cutely now.

 

Misao lazily and loudly let herself down the stairs into the quiet pre-dinner lull of the dining area, wondering how she could pass her time until she could approach Aoshi-sama. As she stepped out of the kitchen into the private garden lawn behind the Aoiya, she caught sight of the now familiar white mantle and its bearer, who was sitting quietly and facing the pond at the other end of the garden, some fifty metres away.

 

Seeing that she didn't want to find herself stuck in any situation alone with the Hiten master, and considering the fact that he seemed to be meditating, she quietly started to withdraw her foot from the lawn and turned to go back in.

 

“Seeking respite for your restless mind, itachi?”

 

/Dang!/ Well, she supposed she shouldn't have expected him not to have felt her presence anyway.

 

Turning around to see him emanating his trademarked smirk over his shoulder, she retorted, “Why should that be any of your business? Anyway, what do you mean by `restless'? I'm not a kid anymore, y'know.” Then she glared at him.

 

“Hah!” He turned back to face the pond, then sighed before patting the ground next to him, motioning for her to join him. Curious and a little unnerved, Misao gingerly made her way over before cautiously setting herself down no less than two feet away from him.

 

She had to sit expectantly for about one minute before it occurred to her that Hiko had simply resumed meditating.

 

“Oi! Didn't you want to say something to me?” Misao interrupted him again, increasingly annoyed.

 

Hiko let out that maddening chuckle of his, then, to Misao's incredulity, settled for a slight, but nonetheless real, smile. “The silence just unsettles you, doesn't it?”

 

“Well, doesn't it most people?” Misao raised her eyebrow questioningly.

 

“You are right when you say `most', but only because `most' haven't yet arrived at a point when they are, for the better part, emotionally settled and at peace with themselves.”

 

“And *you* have?”

 

Hiko grunted, “I think, however, that you're more curious about whether that is the case for Shinomori.”

 

“How would you know where my curiosity lies anyway?” Misao was starting to feel just a tiny bit provoked.

 

Ignoring her question, Hiko continued, “His silence when he meditates ruffles you and his lack of comment on the status of your relationship with him irks you because you don't know what it means. You're worried that he's becoming settled without you in the equation, while you, on the other hand, know that you're still flailing about, hoping to latch on to him good because he is your crutch.”

 

As Hiko proceeded in his argument, Misao began to feel somewhat strangled, her blood pressure rising, her heart pounding and her face heating up... she felt altogether entrapped, like something was closing in on her.

 

Jumping to her feet, she snapped just as he finished, “And *WHAT* do you know about me? Why do you care anyway?” She had contemplated just walking out on this hurtful discussion, but her legs willed her to stay because deep down, she was desperate to find out his conclusion on the matter. “You think you're so sagely when it comes to relationships... what *credentials* do you have anyway? Okon and Omasu?” Misao nearly spat the last few lines out as she felt fluid warmth begin coursing down her cheeks.

 

Hiko barely moved from his seated position, but he did bore daggers into her with his eyes and seemed to tense up a little... and was it a tinge of red she saw on his face? Then, he fell back into a relaxed posture.

 

“Your ki felt so much in turmoil each time your thoughts turned to Aoshi just now in the training hall,” Hiko started, then sighed, “I just thought to tell you not to give up.” At Misao's continued silence, Hiko went on, “Aoshi is *not* settled. He does, on the contrary, seem quite steady with you safe and around him. And in case you're wondering, he meditates to sort issues out... his ki has cleared much since he came back from Mt Hiei that day.”

 

Misao seemed to have gone numb as Hiko had explained, so she finally let out a bewildered “Huh?”

 

Hiko sighed once more, “He won't keep up his habit of meditation forever... no form of therapy is required forever. You will get the affectionate response you so desire out of him some day.”

 

Everything within Misao froze, her mind struggling to grapple with the implications of what he had said. She couldn't help but to let herself be bombarded with images of Aoshi smiling at her, holding her... comforting her...

 

Then, for the second time that day, an onslaught of tears and sobs consumed her. However, unlike those of the unpleasant experience that morning, these were for the relief she felt, and she had no need of Hiko's comfort - he had already given it.

 

When Misao had finally managed to suppress her sobs and stem her tears, she swiped the backs of her hands across her cheeks and looked tentatively at Hiko, who gave her that reassuring smile that she had once seen him give Kaoru over his opinion of Kenshin's welfare.

 

Now, it was Misao's turn to let out a sigh, partly in relief and partly in exhaustion, “Arigatou.”

 

“Aa,” he acknowledged, then started to meditate again after an appropriate pause.

 

For a while, Misao had begun to enjoy the silence and let her eyes wander. Then, they came to rest on Hiko once more, so she gave in to letting herself gaze at him in the same reverie she had been in that morning.

 

Suddenly, observing Hiko, Misao remembered something about what he had just said to her. “Hiko-san? You said meditation was therapy... Well, I can guess what Aoshi-sama might need it for... But why do *you* meditate?”

 

Hiko raised an eyebrow at her. “It doesn't *have* to be for therapy. In Shinomori's case, though, it is.”

 

Misao grinned. /Finally, it's my turn to grin, heh./ She had wisened up to Hiko's evasions. “So, tell me, do *you* do it for `therapy'?” Misao had the delight of seeing his eyebrow twitch as she fired the question.

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Aw, that's so non-committal...” Misao said in mock dismay and giggled for the first time that day. /Boy is he gonna hate the word `therapy' when this is through./ She knew that Hiko could easily lie to her, but she also knew that he was not a man to do that in such a situation.

 

“Yes, then,” he bit out. “Have you had enough of disrupting my peace?”

 

“Well, *you're* the one who engaged me when I'd tried to leave you alone initially,” Misao countered and began to mull over the fact that Hiko needed “therapy”. Then, it struck her just what it might have been for. “You're worried about Himura, aren't you?” She beamed triumphantly and was rewarded with another twitch.

 

“Aren't you?” Hiko growled back.

 

“Nah, I'm sure Himura will be fine! I'm not too concerned for Yahiko-*chan* anyway, although I'll be worried if Megumi-san is the one being used. Still, I'm sure that they'll settle it as easily as we did for Omasu. She's fine now, and all we have to do is to carry out...” Misao trailed off as Hiko narrowed his eyes. “What?” Misao prodded.

 

Hiko hesitated, casting her a scrutinising look, then replied, “It's not that simple. The Kuroda guy would no doubt advance his threat. The victim might be subconsciously instructed to commit suicide rather than attack another person.”

 

Misao felt some colour drain from her face.

 

Upon seeing this, Hiko immediately added gruffly, “No use worrying about it. Don't go stirring up the entire inn in your anxiety, and don't make me regret telling you.”

 

“H-hai,” Misao tried to assure him. She was, thankfully, beginning to get distracted by the increased chatter of more guests and the bustling in the kitchen, heralding dinner time. “I'll go help Shiro and Kuro in the kitchen then, ne?”

 

Hiko merely nodded, then continued to meditate... or contemplate the pond, perhaps, but Misao didn't stay to find out as she involved herself in the ritual of preparing dinner.

 

Some time into her preparation, wood sliding against wood and the deep, but hushed, voices of Okina and Aoshi interrupted her concentration on the tasks at hand. She hurriedly shuffled outside.

 

“Aoshi-sama, so what's the final deal?”

 

Aoshi nodded in her direction, “Later, Misao.” Then, he turned back to Okina to round off their discussions.

 

“Un..., ” she blushed, barely, as she murmured.

 

She hoped that Aoshi hadn't thought her to be stepping out of her place by asking that question or by interrupting them. /Well, he shouldn't. After all, I *am* the Okashira, even if only in name.../ She figured, however, that he would share the outcome of the deliberations over the dinner table with everyone in a semi-official address, which meant that she'd have to wait till later that evening or night, after dinner was out of the way and the washing was done.

 

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Hiko had been the last to join them at the dinner table, sauntering slowly in from his spot in the garden. When they had all settled down, Aoshi had shared the plan with them. Hiko seemed to have approved of it, holding his silence throughout the discussions.

 

Then, Misao had waited quite impatiently for dinner to be over, noted that Aoshi had gone up to his room, got the dishes done in a jiffy and proceeded upstairs.

 

She tapped lightly on his room door and waited for his acknowledgement before entering to see him clearing some papers from his desk.

 

“Aoshi-sama... are you free now?” She prompted him uncertainly.

 

“Aa,” he affirmed, not bothering to stop what it was that he was already doing - it was a custom between Misao and him that Misao would just make conversation as he went about his business; he didn't *really* have to be free.

 

“I...,” it was then that Misao realised that she hadn't any specific reason for wanting to speak with him. She had just... wanted to. /Oh no, great, *now* I don't even know what to say to him./

 

“Can I just sit here? It won't bother you, will it?” She asked lamely and plopped herself on the floor just next to the shouji.

 

Aoshi seemed to pause, then looked over his shoulder to observe her from out of the corner of his eye for a while and uttered another “Aa” before turning back to the desk.

 

For a while, he just sat at his desk, and Misao wondered if her presence really *did* bother him. It wasn't the first time that she had done this, but she usually found an excuse or an errand to accomplish, even if it was just waiting for him to finish his meals at the temple. Today, however, it was the first time that she was stating anything about her feelings towards him. Indeed, it *was* a very bold statement, because surely he had known that she had come up immediately after completing her chores and gone right past her room without even bothering to tidy up... and then to just *sit* there in his room for no particular reason at all. As Misao thought about all this, she began to blush. /No wonder he gave me that strange look and stopped what he was doing./

 

After a while, Aoshi (finally) carried on with what he had to do and started to write something. Ironically, this made Misao feel even more awkward than she had before. Now that he was carrying on with his own business, her presence here was even more redundant because she didn't even have the *excuse* of interacting with him. /Great!/

 

She began to grow restless and started scratching at gaps in the wood on the floor. /Why am I here?/ She sighed, then looked at Aoshi, hoping he would just ignore her until she figured out issues for herself. At another time, she would have spoken to Aoshi about her day and asked him about his. Today, however, on top of the fact that she was just sick and tired of all the superficial attempts at a *real* conversation, there was the gravity of the Kougikinsei issue hanging in the air, as well as the weight of the words Hiko had earlier spoken bearing down on her heart... and she just... couldn't muster the strength to pretend at having a good conversation with Aoshi anymore. Instead, she had come, simply wanting his affection.

 

“Is there... something on your mind, Misao?”

 

Misao looked up from her scratching to realise that Aoshi had once more paused his work and was looking at her from over his shoulder.

 

In an ephemeral vision, she saw herself cheerfully scratching the hair at her nape and scrambling to assure him that everything was all right... she even almost did just that. But right as her hand was about to go up and she was about to take the breath to say those words, she failed to and stopped short.

 

Instead, she found herself stuttering, “Eeto... anou... H-... Iya. I... don't know?” /Baka, you were supposed to say “No”!/

 

Aoshi had slowly put down his brush as she had sputtered denial, and turned around in his chair to face her just as she had finished. She had returned to looking at the floor, so she did not notice him.

 

“Misao. What's wrong?”

 

The hint of worry in his voice caught her attention, and she looked up again to see him frowning (in concern?) at her.

 

“I...,” she trailed off, letting her eyes dart away from locking with his as she despairingly tried to continue. Then, for the third time that day, she felt the dreaded warmth and wetness in her eyes as the first few trickles of tears started to appear. She bit her lip, then quickly muttered, “Sumanai,” and picked herself up shakily, but briskly, making her way out of the room.

 

As she slid shut the shouji to Aoshi's room and shuffled to her own, she had no way of knowing that Aoshi was consumed by panic even as he remained seated in his room. Instead, she slumped down in her futon and curled up in it as she let the tears flow more freely, hugging the soft material to her chin. She certainly hoped that the tears would stop soon... if she went to sleep crying, she would awake with puffy eyes and attract not just Aoshi's attention, but that of the whole inn, not to mention Hiko. It would also make it a little harder to speak to Aoshi when she saw him again.

 

Just when Misao was beginning to absorb herself in thought once more, she heard a soft tapping on the door. Her voice too thick by crying, she couldn't respond before the door slid open slowly and quietly, if not hesitantly, to reveal Aoshi's dark form against the light that streamed in from outside her room.

 

“May I... come in?”

 

Misao mutely nodded, still lying on her futon.

 

“Gomen ne, Aoshi-sama...,” she tried to start.

 

Aoshi didn't reply to that, but shut the shouji again and sat down, cross-legged, a few feet from Misao and her futon. He seemed like he was about to open his mouth to say something for a while, but still, he said nothing. In that silence, Misao drew herself up into a sitting position and, sniffling, wiped the tears away with some covers.

 

Finally, he spoke, “Have I...” Trailing off, he quickly cleared his throat, then started again, “Can I do anything to make you feel better?”

 

Dazed, Misao didn't know what to make of the question. “I... I guess I'm just tired and all... what with this morning and...,” she trailed off again.

 

“Aa.” Aoshi didn't seem to know what else to say. The room was silent again.

 

“Back there, you... seemed very edgy and unsettled. Does this have anything to do with... me?” Aoshi carefully pried. Upon seeing Misao's immediate reddening, he inadvertently shifted his legs.

 

/I suppose there's no point trying to deny it anymore./ Misao sighed. /Besides, he seems willing enough to really start talking now./ Forgetting her tears, Misao took the plunge, “Aoshi-sama... What do you... think of me?”

 

Strangely enough, Misao noted, Aoshi seemed not in the least bit surprised. Then, she found herself marvelling as she thought she saw Aoshi's hand tremble ever so slightly. Finally, though, he took a relatively deep breath and, nearly sighing, he started to share with her for the first time ever.

 

“Misao, I... I'm sorry.” He paused, as if not knowing how, or whether, to continue, but did so anyway. “Thank you... for being so patient with me.” He paused again. “I know I've taken a long time, but I had to sort things out. On that boat to Yukishiro's, I finally... found many answers... Then, Kuroda stepped in.” He took a breath. “Your presence and support have helped me greatly. You mean a lot to me. Thank you.”

 

All this while, Misao's look had slowly turned into a stunned glare. When he had finally finished and Misao realised that she had been staring, she quickly broke eye contact and cleared her throat, coughing some and blushing some.

 

“Uh... Iya, it was nothing much... but, arigatou,” she muttered. After a few more moments of silence, Misao began to get over her initial shock and was actually somewhat cheered up. “Aoshi-sama, you mean a lot to me too...” she beamed joyfully at him.

 

At this, he nodded and the corners of his lips lifted ever so faintly. However, that wasn't the thing that really caught her attention. It was his eyes that changed the most. They were the same eyes that she had last seen when she had been five and pulling all sorts of antics in front of him... the eyes that smiled, that warmed you more than any lip smile could.

 

Misao was quite content to bask in the magical moment for a while more, but then, she remembered her curiosity about something he had said, and couldn't ignore it.

 

“Ne, Aoshi-sama, you said you found many answers... what sort of answers were they?”

 

He lifted an eyebrow at her for a while, then frowned in thought. “I was troubled by my mistakes with Hannya and the rest. I struggled with my understanding of Himura. Then I... I also struggled with understanding you.”

 

Misao digested this for a while, then prompted, “So...”

 

“I decided to help Himura and others in need should I meet such, and to be... honourable that way. I also decided that Himura had never liked what he did, even as a hitokiri. He has always been the same person, only with different realisations now.”

 

Aoshi paused for a long while. Misao waited for the last part patiently.

 

“I decided that you had also known that to be true of me, and you forgave me... And I found that I could... trust you.”

 

Misao smiled, “And that you can, Aoshi-sama!”

 

“Aa.”

 

Once more, silence descended, but it was an easy one this time... Then, once more, Misao found cause to break it.

 

“Ne, Aoshi-sama... anou... you know that whole business of the Okashira thing?”

 

“Aa.”

 

“Do you think... uh, I don't *really* want to be Okashira anymore, kind of... since Aoshi-sama is more capable. I suppose I also don't quite know what to do in certain situations... so... I was thinking, can I give the title back to you?”

 

Was Aoshi actually beginning to look amused? “Aa.”

 

“Erm, *how*?”

 

At this, and very much to Misao's wonderment and bewilderment, Aoshi began to laugh. The rare moment was over soon enough, though, and he replied, “What do you think?”

 

“Mou, Aoshi-sama! That's evading the question. Of course I've no idea what would be best or I wouldn't have asked you...,” Misao grumbled.

 

“I have an idea, but tell me yours.”

 

It was on this note that the two began to confer, plot and conspire.

 

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Author's Notes:

 

Ok, Misao cries a lot, I know... but that could be attributed to the fact that she was, after all, 1) emotionally strained or 2) tired. Also, you never know, but it might be her time of the month. XD

Also, some people might know what I mean, but for *some* people at least, it's hard to stop crying during the day once you've started to cry. You probably need to sleep or something to get the crying mindset/mood out of you. Either that, or a really good bout of humour.

 

Comments on my portrayal of Aoshi:

 

Man of few words. Yes, so his “sharing” with Misao was quite constipated >.< Besides, I think he's not very good at words either. Still, I feel that it was enough. Sure, there were a lot of things missing in between... but Misao would have at least asked by the end of the conversation if his implications weren't apparent to her.

 

If you don't understand the part where Aoshi is explaining his “answers” that he'd found, just take note that he's got a very logical mind, so he presents 3 problems with which he was grappling and then presents the 3 solutions in the correct order.

 

And yay... the ice has finally melted... whew!

 

Next chapter will be a bit light hearted at the start, then a little less later on. And then, there's another pairing!

Hint: It's neither in the series nor alternate.

 

Thanks for staying with me! Please keep reading and reviewing!

 

TattleTale