Shaman King Fan Fiction ❯ Broken Paths ❯ Chapter 08 ( Chapter 8 )

Chapter 08

 

I really don't want to remember much of the past… not when I can remember the card you left beside my bed at the ward saying you love me and you'd hoped we'd be happy together.

 

I don't want to remember anything when they tell me I found you body hanging from the ceiling back in our flat. The pain… and the blood from my own suicide attempt afterwards… they hurt too much… so I won't remember, it isn't safe.

 

But the card is safe, and it's beautiful, it has snow and a beautiful mountain on it… but then again the doctor says you left the card at our home… not here at the ward. But I don't remember that either… I don't want to think of our home, wherever that is… it's not safe. The ward is safe. It's calm and quiet and it's white, just like snow.

 

I feel good here. I guess this is peace… the doctors are nice to me, they talk to me and tell me things, I only pay attention once in a while. They say I have trauma induced memory blocks but I don't know what they mean… I remember you after all…

 

I have visitors here, once a month a man comes and visits me. I don't like him, he does things to me and the doctors and nurses can't see. When he's here I fell pain and there is red and blood and hurt, but then he leaves and it's all white again… they give me medicine for my memory, and painkillers and therapy because the hurt is not real they say, it's only in my mind.

 

And when the man is not here there is white, and white is good because it's like snow and snow reminds me of you, even if I don't know who you are anymore. I know there is a you, and the doctors and nurses tell me about you sometimes, and it's nice to imagine that one day there was someone who cared… and even if I don't remember you very well… I remember that I loved you… and I feel a pain in my heart, and sometimes… sometimes I even remember that I love you still….

 

Horo-horo…

 

Finis