Shaman King Fan Fiction ❯ Iris ❯ Shattered Apart ( Prologue )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

I wondered once,
Who am I really?
How pathetic...
I am Yoh Asakura, of course!
But...
I don't feel like me.
My friends knows that I am laid back person...
But...
For me...
It doesn't feel like me...
My friends knows that I am a happy-go-lucky person...
Still...
For me...
I was just fooling myself...
My family knows that I am a strong person...
However...
For me...
Deep inside, I was still weak...
All of them knows that I was happy that I just murdered a Devil, Hao...
Yet...
For me...
I felt sick...
Hao...
When I thought of that name...
My insides feel like crying...
I killed Hao...
My twin...
My brother...
My blood...
Whenever I looked at my hands...
I saw blood covering it...
When everytime I tried to wash it away...
It never go away...
It was still there...
Or maybe...
It was just there...
Waiting for me to notice it...
And I will gone really mad...
Just when I've noticed it...
It felt like...
I've just kill a thousand people...
If I just kill a person...
In just one blow...
I don't like it!
I don't like killing!
I don't like to murder!
I don't like to be sinful!
I really hate it!
I'm not a murderer!
I'm not a murderer!
I'm...
Not...
A...
MURDERER!
But...
Why my hands are all bloody...?
Why did I kill Hao...?
Why I felt a bit happy about it after I did it...?
Am...I...a...murderer?
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Yoh Asakura thrashed wildly around the room, knocking and breaking things over...even himself. Scars are all over his body, tears falling from his bloodshot eyes and his heart...is breaking slowly.
I'm a murderer! I'm a murderer! I'M A MURDERER!
He held up a piece of broken glass and began slicing himself. Blood trickles down from the wounds. He felt pain everytime he slice himself yet... he wasn't going to stop.
No wonder why I was called the demon child!
More tears are flowing freely from his eyes while he kept slicing himself; he was hurt and hurting himself even more. He wasn't going to stop. He keep slicing himself and, at the same time, crying.
I ruined all their lives! I am selfish! I'm only thinking about myself!
Pain increases more. His bloodshot eyes are more redder from crying so hard. He was slicing himself, hurting himself and tearing himself apart; he didn't entirely know what is he doing. His mind is full of negative thoughts; sad thoughts that will surely make him out of mind.
I'm a murderer! I'm a murderer!
The carefree Yoh Asakura was gone. The laid back Asakura was gone. The cheerful Yoh Asakura we know was gone...
I'm selfish! I've been toying with their lives! I'm a killer! I'm a demon!
Yoh suddenly stopped when he glanced at the window. Light shining through the window. The room was lightened a bit. Yoh just sat there, still; he never let his eyes wander about. He was focused at the light, and just the light and nothing else.
Light...?
He dropped the broken piece of glass. He had stopped crying, but his eyes are still bloodshot and teary. He didn't dare to do anything but to stare at the light.
Light...Why I can't remember...what...light...is...? Why...? Why...? Why...?
He continue to stare as the light becoming brighter and brighter. It hurts his eyes so much that he might blink. However, he didn't blink. He didn't dare to. He just stare continously at the light.
What is the meaning of light? What does it mean? I can't... remember...what...it...means...
Then, something wet trickled down from his eyes and to his cheeks. He realized that... he was crying again.
Tears...?
At long last, he moved his hand to touch his face and his tears.
Why am I crying?
He removed his hand from his cheeks and placed it infront of his face. Tears still spilling continously spilling. His mind is about to shatter.
I-...I...can't understand a thing...
His heart is still cracking open and continue to break into very fine pieces.
I can't remember what happened...
He stood up and walk to the corner of his room. When he reached the dark corner, he sat down, his back leaning at the wall. His eyes are staring again at the window. However, the light disappears... and now, the sky is covered in darkness.
I don't know anything, but... I think... I only know that...
He lay on the floor, still staring at the window.
...the darkness...
His smiles, his laughs and his braveness...are vanished. It was only replaced by sadness, despair and even... cowardice. However, because of these mixed things, it only came up with emptiness.
...is...me...
He heard the banging just at the other side of his door but,... he took no notice. Emptiness engulfed him whole. He didn't care about anything at all. He just lay there, staring at the window...filled with emptiness.
The darkness was me...
Then, his last tear falls...
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Anna kept banging the door at Yoh's room. Something is very wrong. Yoh was inside in his room since morning. He never came out or creep behind Anna to visit his friends. He was just inside his room.
"Yoh!," Anna shouted, "Open the damn door, now!"
There was no reply. Anna called again for Yoh. Still, there was no reply. Anna is getting anxious and anxious. Yoh is not like this. When Anna just called him, he will bolt up and listen to Anna. Yoh will do everything Anna says. That's until Anna sense something wrong inside Yoh's room.
'Yoh...'
Horohoro came upstairs, curious about the banging.
"What's all the banging?," he simply asked, "It might be heard through out Funbari Hill."
Anna looked at the Ainu, "It was Yoh. I sense something wrong with him."
"Really?," Horohoro replied, disbelieving Anna.
Horohoro actually disbelieving Anna. He can't see what's wrong with his friend. He knew Yoh very well. Yoh was laid back and cheerful. He can sort things out even if he struggles. Then, Horohoro reckon what is Anna saying that Yoh was sick.
"He's sick?," Horohoro asked Anna.
"Sort of," Anna replied, "But everytime I called him, he never replies."
Horohoro laughed softly, "Don't be silly."
"How about try it for yourself," Anna suggested. Horohoro nodded. Horohoro called Yoh. No reply. Horohoro called again. Still, no reply. Horohoro's eyes widened. Yoh isn't the type of friend who ignores you. Horohoro glanced back at Anna, "You're right."
Anna looked down, "Everytime I called him, he doesn't reply."
"There's only one thing how to open the door," Horohoro began.
"What is it?," Anna asked. Horohoro simplr smirked, "We need Ren."
"Why?," a voice said. Both Horohoro and Anna glanced around and saw Ren with his Kwan Dao, "Why do you need me?"
"Well, we just reckon you can break the door," Horohoro said, pointing at Yoh's door.
Ren smirked, "I can break it in no time."
"Let's see," Anna said.
Ren walked in front of the door. He held up his Kwan Dao and...
SLASH!!
The door breaks. Ren, Horohoro and Anna stepped inside. The room was a mess. The things are broken. The curtain is ripped and the tables and chairs are turned over. Broken pieces of glass are everywhere.
"What happened here?," Horohoro asked. Neither of the two replied. Both Ren and Anna is staring at something horrid. Their eyes are wide. Horohoro decided to look at what Ren and Anna is staring at. Then, his eyes widen. His body began to shake. In front of him, a figure lay on the floor at the dark corner of the room, wounds covered his body, his eyes bloodshot and empty, he was all bloody and he was staring at nothing. He looked empty.
The figure was Yoh Asakura...