Shaman King Fan Fiction ❯ Ivy, Shaman Runaway ❯ (In)Decisions For The Future ( Chapter 54 )

 

(In)Decisions For The Future

His words rung in my ears as he disappeared off the balcony. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. Couldn't scream, couldn't cry, and couldn't even blink. All I could do was whimper. “Hao…no…”

 

It amazed me that even when he himself was powerless, he had a huge power over me. He always had had that power: he could shock me speechless. Not many could make my mouth cease its incessant chatter, but Hao definitely was one of the few.

 

I hated him for it. I hated knowing he had such power over me even if it didn't seem like much to normal people. It was enough to upset me. Yet…at the same time—I am ashamed to admit this, but—I wanted him to control me. Sometimes I scare myself to death.

 

My heart and my mind were constantly at war with each other. One would list all the reasons why I should hate Hao, and the other would tell me all the ways he could make me squeal in delight. One would bad-mouth Yoh and tell me how he would never amount to anything, and the other would insist that he could give me everything that I wanted from Hao plus Yoh would be true and faithful and honest ect.

 

It was enough to make me sick. I couldn't decide what I really thought about either of them. All I could tell was I was in deep trouble, and I couldn't get out of it without causing at least one or two deaths.

 

I couldn't sleep. I got out of bed and made my way out onto the balcony. I looked toward the Eastern horizon and could see two figures walking off into the desert. One pint-sized midget, and beside him: a man. A man with long mahogany hair that gleamed in either the sun or moonlight. A gorgeous man that women would pay to have as their own. A man with fan clubs around the world. The man whose heart I had broken on numerous occasions. I sighed as I watched Hao and Opacho walk off.

 

“I'm sorry…” I mumbled again. “Don't do it…”

 

And as if he had heard me, he looked back my direction. I ducked inside my room and bounced back onto my bed again. “Don't look at me like that…” It was so hard to look at him and not feel guilty for what I put him through.

 

I curled back up on my bed and cuddled up with the tan poncho lying where I had left it. `Why did you insist on keeping it?' I asked myself. `Because you love him, but you love Yoh too. You love Yoh more.'

 

I sighed as I wrapped the poncho around me like a security blanket. `It's still warm…and it even smells like him…God that intoxicating sent!' She smelled like nature itself. He smelled like rain. Like wind. Like fire. Even like the very earth. It made me feel safe. `You're hopeless.' I slipped the poncho on, got out of bed, and quietly descended the stairs, making my way to the kitchen.

 

As I rounded the corner, I could tell someone else was up as well. The light in the kitchen was on. I stopped in the doorway, and looked about the room. There in front of the kitchen sink stood Anna, hand-washing dishes. She had a glassy look in her eyes, and stared out the window at the sun as it was about to rise.

 

I quietly approached her from behind, not sure if she wanted to be disturbed or not. I lightly touched her on the shoulder. “Anna?”

 

She jumped slightly, not sensing my presence. She shook the distant look from her face, and replaced it with her usual unfeeling stare. She noticed the poncho. “Methinks the devil hath been with you.”

 

I smiled at her use of Shakespearian dialect. “Aye, my lady. Been and gone. Leaving naught but this garment. Did I tell you that I liked Shakespeare?”

 

“Yes. You did. What did Hao want?” Anna went back to her work, washing the dishes.

 

“Nothing that matters any.” I fixed the poncho so that it didn't get wet as I picked up a glass and helped Anna wash dishes.

 

“You can tell me.” And then as she noticed me washing the glass she reprimanded me. “Put that down!! I don't want you ruining your hands. This dish soap is awful for hands. It dries them out and then it's just a horrible mess.”

 

“I don't believe you.” I rolled my eyes at her, but put the glass down anyway.

 

“Why are you wearing that?” Anna glanced at Hao's poncho, now draped over my shoulders.

 

“It's cold.” I shrugged. I didn't really know why I did half the things I did.

 

“Of course it is. It's only 50 degrees Fahrenheit.” She teased. “What did he say?”

 

“How did you know he was here?” I ignored my sister's question.

 

“I had a little run-in with him.” She dried the plate she had been working on, and picked up another glass to clean. “He's really good. I can't see how you can resist him.”

 

“Anna?!” My eyes went wide as I stared shocked at my sister. What had she been doing with my X-fiancée?!

 

“What?” Anna didn't look up from her glass.

 

“What were you two doing?!” Knowing Hao…I didn't want to know what he had done to my sister.

 

“Nothing. Just a rather intense make-out session. He's really quite rough, but if you ask me, he definitely knows his way around a woman's body.” A small smile came to Anna's face, and I had to look away to keep from being sick.

 

`Evil pervert…molesting my sister…' I took off the poncho, and set it down on a chair.

 

“But apparently there's nothing between us. He said so himself. Arrogant bastard isn't he? He was rather torn up about you kissing Yoh…Speaking of Yoh, what did Hao say about Yoh?” I flinched at the question.

 

“He's coming back for me when he regains his powers, and when he does, he'll kill Yoh.” Tears started to form in my eyes as I re-laid the information to Anna.

 

“I see.” She set down the glass she had been working on and moved over to the kitchen table. She motioned for me to sit across from her. Once I was seated, she took my hands in her and looked me straight in the eye. “I have a plan.”

 

“Y-yes?” I murmured.

 

“You're getting married tomorrow.”

 

“What?! To whom?!” She sounded so serious, but I couldn't help but be shocked.

 

“Yoh of course. It won't be very fancy at all I'm afraid, but there really is no time at all to even get a dress or anything. I already have the church booked, and all the other details taken care of, so everything shall be ready by noon tomorrow. You'll be getting married then.” Anna took off from there, babbling about all the different details and how she took care of everything.

 

“Anna! Are you insane?! Have you even spoken to Yoh about this?! And what about y—“

 

“—Don't even worry about me. I want this. I want Yoh to be happy, and I want you to be happy. I don't have to ask Yoh whether it's okay or not because he's insanely in love with you, and the soon you two are married, the better. He won't argue at all when I tell him. I took care of everything, so the only problem is you. Do you want to marry him or don't you?!” She glared at me.

 

“Of course I want to marry him, but what about Hao?!” I pressed. Hao wouldn't let me marry Yoh. Not in a million years.

 

“This is because of Hao! Think about it; tomorrow he will still be powerless and unable to stop you. He will be totally helpless, and you and Yoh will be home free to get married. Hao can't stop you. That's why I'm rushing this. We only have today and tomorrow. We have today to get ready, and then you'll be married tomorrow at noon.”

 

“How will us being married help? Wouldn't that make Hao even angrier?” I reasoned.

 

“Not even Hao is low enough to steal someone's wife. Let alone his brother's wife. Especially if she could be pregnant.” Anna smiled slyly at me.

 

“Pregnant?!” I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

 

“Yes. Pregnant. Marry Yoh tomorrow, sleep with him that night, and there you go. Who's to say that you couldn't be pregnant?”

 

“And you don't have the slightest problem with this at all?” I looked her straight in the eyes and wondered if she was still sane.

 

“Ivy, listen. I won't let that perverted jerk get his sleazy on my baby sister. I don't care if I have to give up Yoh to do it. Besides, like you said, bigamy is an option later on.” Anna winked at me, as she got to her feet. She walked out of the kitchen, and I could hear her light footsteps on the stairs going back up to bed.

 

“Wow…I can't believe she did that…” I walked in a daze to the living room, and collapsed onto the nearest couch. “Oh. My. GOD. Hao…he'll kill himself for sure over this…what have I done?!”

 

I sighed again as I pulled out my reading glasses out of this air. I had almost forgotten I could do that…I haven't used that trick since I met Hao…I haven't used that trick since I was called Judo. Judo was so much more powerful than Ivy…I paused my thoughts to pull a copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream out of thin air. I set my thoughts aside as I jumped into the play.

 

“Ivy?!” I looked up when my name was called.

 

It was about an hour or two after dawn, and I looked up from my play to find Yoh hovering over me. “Yoh…did you need something?”

 

“I didn't know you wore glasses…” I was sitting on the edge of the couch, so Yoh was able to sit behind me and put his legs around me. He held me tight and pulled me back against him. He rested his head on my shoulder so he could see what I was reading.

 

“I don't…these are only reading glasses. It was kind of dark down here, so I decided it might be best to wear them. I haven't worn them in forever though…” I snuggled up against him, taking the glasses off and closing my eyes.

 

“Why not? They look cute on you.” Yoh nuzzled my neck.

 

“That's what Hao said when I stopped wearing them..” I thought back to the week after I found out how he had tricked me into become the fiancée of a ruthless murderer. “I had been complaining that it was hard to read because the letters were so small, and that there was insufficient light. Hao got me them…”

 

“Oh…” Yoh mumbled.

 

“I'm thinking about getting another pair.” I snapped my fingers and both the book and the glasses disappeared.

 

Yoh smiled lazily at me. “Judo did that all the time.”

 

I nodded and smiled slightly back at him. I wondered if he knew we were getting married the following day. A shiver ran down my spine when I thought about being his wife…I was a little nervous.

 

“Ivy, are you okay?” Yoh held me tighter.

 

“I'm fine…I just…why do you ask?” I didn't know how to voice `Are you aware we're getting married tomorrow? How do you feel about this? Do you still want to marry me?'

 

“Well, it's like only 6:30, and you're awake. You never wake up before 12 unless you have to. Is something bothering you?” Yoh still hadn't noticed the cloak lying next to us on the couch.

 

“Have you spoken to Anna today?” I whispered.

 

“I know Ivy.” I could feel Yoh smiling even without looking at him. The tone in his voice was so full of excitement and joy. “I ran into Anna in the hall, and she told me everything. I can't wait until tomorrow!”

 

Yoh's grin was infectious, and soon I was grinning broadly too. “Yoh…” I softly murmured as I snuggled up closer to him. “I love you…”

 

“I love you more.” He teased.

 

“Yeah, right. We'll see about that!” I gently elbowed him in the stomach, trying to get free of his grasp.

 

He held me tighter, and somehow managed to kiss me over my shoulder. The kiss didn't last long, and soon Yoh released me. I smiled lovingly at him one last time before grabbing Hao's cloak and retreating upstairs to my room.

 

I tossed the cloak over onto my luggage, and sighed happily as I jumped into bed. I giggled as I though `I'm getting married to the guy of my dreams!'

 

I looked back at the cloak. It had landed on the floor by my suitcases where I had carelessly tossed it. `Oh Hao…I had almost forgotten…' I started to stand up to pick up the poor mistreated poncho and set it gently down on my suitcases. `NO. No. Forget him. Ignore him. Be happy with Yoh.' I pulled the covers over my head as I ignored the cloak lying helplessly on the dirty floor.

 

Then I sighed as I got out of bed, walked over to Hao's poncho, picked it up, and took it back to bed with me to snuggle with. `You just can't let it go can you?' I scolded myself. `You're marrying Yoh. Forget about Hao. Don't waste your sympathy. He is the very devil!! Why do you put yourself through this? Let go!! Ignore him! Break his heart, and leave him to die, I say! But you couldn't do that, could you? Toughen up Ivy! Going separate ways with Hao is the only way to be happy…'

 

“I can't do it…” I whimpered.

 

`You have to.' the voice insisted.

 

“I'll try…” I wiped the on-coming tears from my eyes.

 

`Do or don't. There is no “try”.' The voice reprimanded.

 

“I will.” I was firm in my decision as I lay the cloak down on top of my luggage. I was determined to leave Hao in the dust.

 

That was…until I saw the note. The note on my bedside table to be exact. The note on my bedside table from Hao. I hesitated as my hand slowly reached out to pick it up. My fingers hovered over the folded piece of paper as I mauled over whether to pick it up or not.

 

`Don't you dare. You're over him. He can't control you! He doesn't exist anymore. Don't betray Yoh like this! IVY. Ivy! IVY! IVY DON'T YOU DARE PICK UP THAT NOTE AND READ IT!!' One voice echoed over and over again in my head.

 

`Don't listen to her. Read it. You love him. You should probably run away with him. He said he wanted kids. We all know that you'd love to have his kids. Think of the way his hands feel on your body. Think of the way he takes you in his arms and passionately kisses you. Think of his perfect body melding into one with yours. Come on…read it.' The other voice contradicted. I couldn't tell which voice was my heart, and which was my head anymore. The voices were such a blur to me.

 

One voice rang out, pushing the others aside. It was the voice of a little girl who just happened to have an orange addiction. `I don't see the harm in opening it. I wonder what he wrote…I personally think that the first voice has anger management issues, and should see a shrink immediately. I can't see why Ivy even looking at a note from Hao means she's madly in love with him. You make it sound like she's sleeping with him. “Don't betray Yoh. Blah, blah, blah…ect.” And the second voice; God lady, you got problems. Hao should get a restraining order on you. Like I said before: just because she reads the letter doesn't mean she sleeping with him! It doesn't even mean she likes him. Ivy, take it me, you know curiosity is gonna kick in sometime, and you'll end up reading it. Go on and read it now while you got time.' I could just see Judo smiling sweetly at me, egging me on. `I wanna know what Hao says!'

 

I gave in to Judo's request and picked up the note. I unfolded it and noticed it was written on the back of my goodbye note to him. The one where I had specifically told him not to come for me. I sighed as I began to read.

 

Ivy. It's me Hao. I know you told me not to come after you, but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't just let you go. I'll never be able to `just let you go'. I'm hooked. Even a thousand years from now I will be unable to forget you. I know I've been beyond a jerk to you, but I'm going to ask you again to forgive me. I've been cruel, heartless, perverted, and much, much worse. I've lied; I've used you, and I've been unbearable. I had no rite to do that to you, but up until recently you've put up with everything. Ivy, not just anybody could do that. I finally get how horrible I was to you. I'm so sorry. I know you hate me and never want to see me again, but just know I can't live without having you by my side. I used to be able to live by myself. I didn't need to be loved. I didn't need to talk to anyone. I didn't need to be approved of by others. Then I met you. (Yes Ivy, this is one of those “and then I met you” speeches like in those cheesy chick romance flicks you always watched. Remember? You used to complain that no one ever made those kinds of speeches in real life.) I don't have enough time or paper to express how you've changed me. I can't be alone anymore now that you've shown me what it's like to be in love. I can't take the thought of you and Yoh being together. Please come back to me. Come back home…please. I need you here. I'm pretty sure I'm driving Luca and Opacho crazy with all my attempts at suicide. They now never leave my side. I'm being babysat like a three year-old. I find it amusing that someone could care so much about me. I know you did at one time. I don't know if you do anymore though…I've decided who I want to be. I want to be Hao Asakura: the man that Ivy thought he was. Everyone misses you; if that's any incentive what so ever. The Hanagumi whine a lot. They blame me. Macchi has pretty much stopped talking to me, and whenever I look at her, she turns away holding her clothes tightly like they'll disappear any minute. Haven't the foggiest why she does that…She glares menacingly at me, clearly disgusted that I'm still breathing. Anyway, Mari refuses to say my name, and so I am now referred to as `you'. “Hey you, pass me the butter.” “You! Move out of my way!” “You! You are despicable. How could you let her get away?!” Kanna is the worst. She looks unfeelingly at me and tells me: “Ivy would have been perfect. Too bad you treated her so badly. She'll probably hate you for the rest of her life. She's probably having fun with Yoh right now. I wouldn't be surprised if they invited you to the wedding. She'll be laughing at you through the whole ceremony; probably thinking to herself `What an ass…I really get a kick out of watching him suffer. That will show him for mistreating me.'” The men have all dropped so low as to give me advice on women. It's god-awful. I know they all mean well (except the Hanagumi), but I can't take it anymore. I can't take them all talking about you, but I'm unable to see you and talk to you. Luca and Opacho have confiscated anything and everything that I could possibly use to kill myself with, but what they don't know is that I still have another concealed dagger in my pants leg. I miss you Ivy. More than you can know. It's like I have a huge, gapping whole in my heart when I'm not with you…I've never felt this way about anyone else before. I know it's such a cliché, but it's how I really feel. I love you, and I'll never be able to stop loving you no matter how many times you break my heart. I'll never be able to forget you. I see your face in my dreams every night, and I would like to see it in the daytime too. All day, every day, preferably. I love you and that's all there is to it. Please, don't forget me. Come back to me. I want to take you in my arms and show you how sorry I am instead of just telling you. I'm sorry…I love you…I need you…I want you…I can't live knowing that I let the one get away. Please don't let me get away with such an awful mistake. Come back to me. Love with all my heart, soul, mind, body, and spirit Hao

 

“H-h-hao…” I whimpered. The sky unexpectedly broke out into a full-blown tempest, rain pouring as if the sky were weeping. The storm quickly abated, though as I cried myself to sleep, holding on to a certain poncho for dear life.