Silent Mobius Fan Fiction ❯ Red Destiny - Book 1: New York ❯ Past Imperfect ( Chapter 5 )

Silent Mobius: Red Destiny

Book 0: Tokyo

Chapter 5: Past Imperfect

Authors: OSTOCOM

Email and website: See our profile

Rating: PG-13 for some language

Disclaimer: We do not own Silent Mobius or its characters, but we do own our own characters. See Book 0 for complete disclaimer.

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-- New York: Friday, December-16-2035

The bright rays of sun slanted through cold glass, falling on Miakoda Nakai's face as she woke. Rolling deeper into her white comforter, Miakoda inhaled deeply, reveling in the luxury of a slow morning. It was Saturday, and although she knew she had responsibilities, none of them would intrude on her solitude for another two hours.

Lifting her willowy body to a sitting position, Miakoda again took a deep breath and began to hum softly, the deep meditation rhythms of her Navajo ancestors. She paused momentarily, and reached for several items that lay on her bedstead: a bunch of sage tied with colorful string, and a long match. She struck the match and lit the top of the sage, carefully blowing on it until it smoldered and released a light, fragrant smoke into the air. She placed both items in a ceramic holder and moved herself to the center of her low bed, crossing her legs and lifting her arms.

"Oh God of the Heavens, Great Spirit of the Earth, bless my day and give your handmaiden the strength to live with clarity of the river. May my actions be as a fragrance to you and your Son."

Miakoda took a deep breath of the sage-scented air and exhaled slowly. She stretched her arms out and pushed the sheer white curtains out to the very edges of the window. It was so beautiful outside-unusually bright and warm for December. Suddenly she wanted to go for a walk and enjoy exercise, nature, and some time alone.

*Not alone.* Something within her whispered, and felt a sense of foreboding. Whether it was God, her psychic intuition, or God working through her psychic intuition, she had quit trying to distinguish long ago.

"All right," she sighed. "Not alone." She tried to decide who to invite to walk with her. Calixta and Amber were probably already at work, which left Mackenzie and Adara. Miakoda decided to try Mackenzie's number; she hadn't gotten a chance to talk to the Chief in a while. She lifted the receiver and dialed. No one answered, so Miakoda left a message on the machine. (She probably went to work early,) Miakoda thought. (She's been doing that a lot lately…)

She shook her head and pushed the thought away. (Well, Adara's not due in for a few more hours,) she remembered. (Still, she's probably not that interested…)

*Call her.*

Miakoda raised an eyebrow. "All right," she answered the voice. She dialed Adara's cell phone number.

"Hello?"

"Hi Adara. It's Miakoda. I was wondering if you'd like to go for a walk with me."

The question seemed to catch Adara off guard. "Um…sure. I'd love to, actually. What made you ask all of a sudden?"

"Just…a sense, I suppose," Miakoda replied.

"Hmm. Interesting." Adara seemed lost in her thoughts for a while.

"Adara?"

"Oh, sorry," Adara said. "Why don't you meet me by the Alice in Wonderland statue in Central Park?"

"Sure," said Miakoda. "I'll meet you there in twenty minutes."

She hung up and extinguished the burning sage. The smoke disappeared, but the scent lingered in the air like a sacred memory as Miakoda left her home.

------

Miakoda inhaled the crisp air as she stood by the large bronze statue of Alice, the White Rabbit and the Mad Hatter -which was already crawling with children laughing and playing together. The atmosphere was full of the scent of dying leaves and frosted earth, pregnant with the sleeping spring. Miakoda was thankful for the earth-life the Park still afforded, a refuge from the teeming metropolis.

Just then, she saw Adara coming up the path in a well-tailored, navy blue jogging outfit. Her hair was in a long braid instead of the usual bun. "Hi," she said. "Nice morning, isn't it?"

"Yes," Miakoda agreed. "How are you?"

"Well-" Adara hesitated. "All right, I guess."

Miakoda gestured to a nearby trail, and the two started walking. "Would you like to talk about it?"

"It's just-" Adara put her hands in her pockets and continued walking along the grayish-green grass. "Well, it's a lot like this, actually." She took a hand out of her pocket and gestured toward the blue sky and the gray, leafless trees. "I wake up and think, 'Wow, this could be a beautiful day,' but then I get out here and it's so ugly and desolate. Maybe it's just too late to have anything really beautiful."

Miakoda looked at her, wondering that Adara did not also sense the promise heavy in the winter air. "What makes you say that?"

Adara sighed, and looked around to make sure they were alone. "My mother called this morning."

"Oh. I see…"

The two turned a corner, and the trail opened into a grove. Adara smiled as she noticed a black woman laughing and throwing a baseball to her ten-year-old daughter. The daughter dropped it, picked it up, and threw it to her father. "It could have been like that," Adara said softly. "And part of me wants badly to believe that it can still be like this, that it's not too late…but it feels like there's a shadow over everything…"

Miakoda suddenly felt as though ice was spreading through her blood. She touched Adara's arm. "There is a shadow," she whispered.

Adara looked back at the family and noticed blackness stretching across the grass toward them. "Run!" she shouted at them.

The family looked at Adara, confused. "Run!" Miakoda echoed. She ran full-speed toward the family, hoping she could get between them and the shadow before it was too late…

Adara had the same idea. Seconds later, she and Miakoda were positioned between the family and the Lucifer Hawk. Adara glanced back. Good-the family had started running. Now they could concentrate on their enemy. She turned her eyes back to the Hawk.

It was *big*. This bulwark of muscle, this frightening tangle of claws, red eyes, and jagged wings, towered at least five feet over her head. Adara swallowed nervously and took a step back.

The Lucifer Hawk followed, swinging a long, clawed arm toward her. The swish of air came uncomfortably close to Adara's head. Adara winced, and continued backing up to where Miakoda stood. "Shields. Now!" she ordered.

"Ah-kin-cil-toh!" Miakoda said. A golden energy shield materialized around them. It crackled as the Lucifer Hawk touched it, searching for weaknesses.

"I am Ceyx," it said, continuing to calmly to probe the shield with its clawed arm.

"I see," Adara said. "So you like to be on a first-name basis with your prey?" She began relaxing her muscles and conjuring an image of fire to her mind. Ceyx would see just who was going to get barbecued.

"Please understand," Ceyx said, "we mean you no harm."

"That's what the settlers said when they came," Miakoda said cynically, "and it was a lie then, too."

Ceyx smiled, showing a snout full of small, sharp teeth. Suddenly it lunged forward, and his arm broke through the shield. Adara shot a fireball toward his exposed arm. Ceyx yelped at the heat and withdrew his arm. Miakoda gritted her teeth and muttered a spell to strengthen the shield.

"Are you all right?" Adara asked.

"Fine," Miakoda said, breathing heavily, "but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold the shield."

"Acknowledged." Adara flipped on her communicator. "Calixta, we need backup in Central Park. We have a big pile here."

"I'm on it," Calixta said over the intercom. "I'll bring the extra-large shovel."

"All right, Miakoda," Adara said, "we have backup on the way."

Ceyx smiled. "You mean for me to be intimidated, no doubt," he said, "but you have failed to consider that perhaps I also have backup."

Adara and Miakoda looked up and saw another Lucifer Hawk hovering above Ceyx. It was larger, wingless, and more brutish-looking. Adara looked from the Hawk back to the drained Miakoda and swore furiously.

The Hawk looked down at the two women. "This is hardly even a good-sized snack," it complained to Ceyx.

"Snack?" Adara snarled. "Eat this!" She hurled flames toward Ceyx and the second Lucifer Hawk. Ceyx managed to dodge, but the second Lucifer Hawk screamed as it caught fire and began burning. Miakoda took advantage of this chance to summon a whirlwind that tore through the Hawk before dissipating into the air.

"He's down!" cried Miakoda.

"He'll survive," Ceyx said.

A spinner raced towards them over the grass. Amber jumped out, brandishing her gun. "That's more than I can say for you," she said. She fired a quick succession of shots at Ceyx, most of which he evaded.

"Amber! Fall back to position epsilon!" Adara ordered.

"Epsilon…epsilon…" Amber muttered to herself. "Oh, right!" She swung around behind Adara, leaving the ECC members in a triangular pattern around the Hawk.

"I feel terror at my own impending death," Ceyx drawled sarcastically.

"You should," said Amber, looking up at the sky, where an angular ship sped toward Ceyx from behind.

Ceyx turned and eyed the ship. "Is that all?" he sneered. "Is this the famed backup meant to strike fear into my heart?"

Adara looked up. Somehow, the 'Aurora' *did* seem smaller than usual. But appearances could be deceiving. (Come on, Calixta,) she thought, (show him what this thing is made of.)

Ceyx spun around and floated up toward the Aurora. He extended his claws and struck the ship. Sparks flew and flames billowed from the crack his claws created. The ship began tottering and sinking.

"Calixta!" Miakoda shouted.

"You'll pay for that, you bastard!" Adara screamed.

Ceyx flew back toward them, a smug smile on his face. "Why do you persist in fighting me?"

Calixta's voice resounded above him. "The question is, why do you persist in fighting us?"

Ceyx whirled around, and saw ten ships…eleven…and more and more appearing all the time. "Impossible!" he screamed.

"I'm sorry," said Calixta. "That's the wrong answer."

The middle ship in the formation fired three shots into Ceyx's chest. Amber followed this with several slugs from her NX-5150. Ceyx collapsed and exploded in a puff of dust. The second Lucifer Hawk pulled itself up and began staggering toward Miakoda.

"Miakoda!" Amber yelled.

Miakoda whirled around. "Ne-ahs-jah!" she shouted, and a ghostly shadow of an owl flew toward the Lucifer Hawk, screeching. The Hawk roared as the owl pierced his heart. A shot from Calixta's ship hit him in the stomach, and he died, howling in pain.

"Is everyone all right down there?" Calixta asked.

"Fine," Miakoda replied.

"I'm good," Amber said. "Adara?"

"How the hell did you get all those ships?" Adara demanded. "Who did the Chief have to bribe?"

"I see your sense of ethics is fully intact," Calixta said dryly. "You must be all right, then."

"I'm fine, but you won't be if I don't get some answers," Adara said.

"Sure," Calixta said. "You guys want a lift?" She flew the middle ship down toward the street and lowered a ladder. Adara, Amber, and Miakoda climbed into the ship.

"Answers. Now!" Adara demanded as the ship flew off.

"You can't just be grateful, can you?" Calixta asked. "No, you have to ask *how* I rescued you just on time, yet again, with typical strategic brilliance."

"Modest, isn't she?" Adara asked irritably.

"Well, she does have a point," Miakoda said. Adara glared at her.

"What?" Amber said. "It's true!"

"Everyone's against me," Adara muttered.

"If I had been against you, I wouldn't have saved you," Calixta pointed out. "And since you're my very favorite field commander, I'll humor you and tell you how. It's magic."

"Magic." Adara looked skeptical.

"Now you see them…" Calixta gestured toward the other ships outside the window. She pushed a button. "Now you don't."

Suddenly, the ships vanished. Miakoda blinked hard, stared, squinted, and blinked again. No, they were definitely gone. "Wow," she said.

Adara inhaled sharply. "Are those stealth cloaks?"

"Nothing so expensive," Calixta said. "It's just-"

"Ooh!" said Amber. "Can I tell them?"

Calixta looked at her, slightly annoyed. "Sure," she said. "I guess the dramatic mood is kind of ruined anyway."

"They're holographic simulations," Amber explained, thrilled at the chance to show off her newfound knowledge. "They're basically arrangements of light particles designed to look like the real thing. It works just like the holomodule. Right?"

"Um…yeah, that's pretty much it, give or take a few technicalities," Calixta replied.

"I see," Adara said. "And who did the Chief have to bribe to get us those holographic simulations?"

"Just me." Calixta grinned. "I've been working overtime getting a few projectors installed on the Aurora and creating the sim-ships."

"You told me you were fixing a wiring problem!" Adara exclaimed.

"I was," Calixta said. "The wiring wouldn't support a projector. That's what I'd call a wiring problem."

"You-you-" Adara stared at Calixta, at a loss for words. "You are a pain in the ass! That is going on your *official record*!"

"Yes, ma'am," Calixta grinned and saluted. Then she and Adara burst out laughing.

"You're too much," Adara said, wiping her eyes. "What would I do without you?"

"Die, probably," Calixta said.

"Don't say that!" Miakoda said with sudden vehemence.

"I don't want to think about it either," Amber said somberly, "but the fact is we're in a dangerous line of work. We take what precautions we can, but…" She let the sentence hang in the air.

"…but we just don't know what's going to happen tomorrow," Calixta concluded.

"I know," Miakoda said. She tried to smile. It was stupid of her to feel this way, because she believed in the power of God over death...and yet the sense of a dark shadow had not gone away with the death of the Hawk. "'You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes,'" she quoted softly, looking out the window.

"Well," said Adara, "as long as the Hawks vanish faster than we do, it doesn't matter to me."

------

When they reached ECC Headquarters, Calixta and Amber both made a beeline for the small office kitchen. Miakoda smiled. It seemed that fighting always made the two youngest members of ECC hungry.

Adara went to her desk, and sat down heavily. She waved a hand across a vanilla candle, lighting it, and then dropped her head into her arms. Miakoda looked at her with concern. Adara hadn't been her usual energetic self that past few days, and Miakoda knew it had something to do with her mother's return.

She walked over and placed a hand on Adara's arm. "Are you all right?"

Adara inhaled deeply as she sat up. "Ah...fine. Just tired."

"We didn't finish our conversation. Would you like to finish it now?"

Adara's eyebrows furrowed, but her body language told Miakoda she wanted to talk, so Miakoda pulled a chair over and sat down.

"There's...really nothing else to say. Part of me wants to believe that this can work out, that we can have something resembling a normal mother-daughter relationship...but the rest of me doesn't believe that can happen." The fire elemental's eyes narrowed painfully. "And another part of me doesn't even want it to."

"You're still angry with her for abandoning you."

Adara looked at Miakoda, surprise and anger mixed in her expression. "You wouldn't understand," she sighed heavily as she closed her eyes.

"Try me," Miakoda challenged.

Adara opened her eyes and focused them on her companion. "Do you know why my father and I left California?"

Miakoda shook her head no.

"Fire powers run in my family," she started conversationally. "My grandmother was a fire elemental as was her mother before her and *her* mother was a great fire mage. When my mother was born, however, she didn't show any signs of having the same kind of power. As she grew up, it became fairly obvious that she wasn't going to be an elemental and that she didn't even have enough control to be a mage. It had to be disappointing to her, not being able to do what the rest of the family could. Grandmother held out hope that perhaps her daughter's child would continue the line, even if my mother couldn't. But when I was born, I didn't manifest powers right away. Grandmother began to despair as I grew up and it seemed like I would follow in my mother's footsteps. But finally, after I turned six, I threw a fit over something-I don't even remember what now-and I lit the couch on fire." She shook her head and smiled wryly. "I think that's the only time I was *ever* praised for setting fire to a piece of furniture."

Miakoda shared the smile and encouraged her to go on.

"I started getting more and more powerful as the year went on and I saw my mother growing more and more depressed," Adara continued. "I couldn't understand then what I do now-she was jealous of me. I had attained something that she had sought after her whole life. She started drinking. Daddy often had to work late and it was usually just mother and me at home alone. There were times when she would fly into piques of rage at the slightest thing. I tried so hard to please her…" Here the young woman trailed off and clenched her eyes shut, trying to keep tears from escaping.

"No matter what I did, it wasn't enough. One night I was so eager to show her how much control I'd mastered. I made a flame that could dance and sparkle. I thought it was so beautiful that I couldn't wait to show her." As she spoke, a small flame appeared in the palm of her hand. It was shaped almost like a miniature person, with two "legs" and two "arms," and it wove itself in a small, sprightly dance.

"She was drinking. And she got so upset when she saw that little flame. She said so many things...I didn't understand. After that, things happened so fast. There was a fire...She blamed me for starting it, but I *know* I didn't!" She looked at Miakoda earnestly, as if trying to defend herself against an unspoken accusation. "I felt the power come from her. I *know* I didn't start that fire!"

"I believe you," Miakoda said.

Adara blinked and then dropped her gaze to the floor. "I don't really remember much, but after that Daddy and I left California for good."

Miakoda sighed heavily. She hadn't expected the real story to be that intense. It was no wonder that Adara was confused about the return of her mother. On the one hand, she would like nothing more than her mother's love and approval. But on the other hand, how could she forget the pain she had undergone as a child? "Can I offer you some advice?" she asked finally.

"Feel free. Lord knows I could use it."

"Be careful, Adara. Anger affects everything. It can affect your self-control, and it can keep you from making the right decisions." Miakoda sat back as a cloud of pain passed before her eyes. "Sometimes the opportunity to reconcile never comes." She focused on Adara again, an earnest spark in her voice. "Even if it doesn't work out, you have to take that chance. You have to reach for peace and closure while you still can."

Adara was silent for a few heartbeats, then leaned forward and hugged Miakoda quickly. "You're right. I should. I'm just not sure how."

Miakoda hugged her back. "You'll know Adara. Yahweh will guide you."

"Thank you," Adara said with a watery smile. "It really helps to have someone to talk to."

Miakoda nodded, her eyes gathering a far away look. (If only I'd talked to someone...)

------

-- Kayenta, Navajo Nation: June-19-2022

// "I HATE YOU!!"

Anger pulsed through the 15-year-old's voice as she shouted at her father.

"You don't understand me! You never understand!"

"Miakoda..." Her father Nascha started, exhaustion in his voice.

"Don't call me that!" his daughter snapped. "It's Willow. I can't live in the real world with a name like Miakoda."

"That name is a proud name of your people," Nascha said firmly.

"*Your* people maybe," the girl sneered, and slammed the door to her room.

"Miakoda!" Her father stood outside her door. "This behavior will not change my mind. You will not go out with that boy tonight."

"Watch me!"

The older man sighed. "He is not good for you, Mia," he murmured in Navajo.

"What would you know?" The response flashed back in English.

"I know because I love you," Nascha said resolutely.

The sound of something heavy being thrown against the door accompanied a shrill teenaged yell of frustration. "Get out of my life!!" The words seemed to echo down the hall long after her father had gone to bed.

---

Early the next morning, before the sun touched the red Arizona hills, a thin figure stole across the yard.

Waiting at the end of the drive was a young man on the back of a Harley-Davidson. Miakoda approached him, hefting a backpack onto the back of the motorcycle. He grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her close for a hard kiss.

She pulled away, laughing with the exhilarating freedom that coursed through her veins. Throwing a long leg over the motorcycle, she tucked herself in, pressing against his back. "Let's go," she breathed seductively into his ear. "I don't ever want to come back." //

------

-- New York: Saturday, December-17-2035

A soft triple-knock sounded on the door to Commander Jameson's office at ECC Headquarters.

Mackenzie looked up and smiled. "Come in, Willow."

Miakoda entered and answered her friend's smile. "I thought I was the psychic."

"It hardly takes a psychic. You have very distinct knock." Mackenzie pushed her thick black hair off her shoulders as she sat back in her chair. "What can I do for you?"

"I noticed you hadn't left for lunch yet." Miakoda glanced at the tiny replica of a grandfather clock reading 2:30. "I thought you might like to join me."

"Thank you, but I'll have to pass." Mackenzie ruffled through a drawer and then held up a pre-packaged sandwich. "I picked some up on the subway this morning." Her open body language had already closed in on itself, and her attention turned back to her paperwork.

Miakoda frowned. "James..."

"I know what you're going to say, Will, but I really have too much to do." Mackenzie interrupted. "Calixta's little holographic fleet was seen by at least half a dozen people this morning, and that means reports and forms..." She shuffled the papers in front of her.

"Mackenzie." Miakoda gently but firmly placed a hand over the papers, forcing them down on the table. "You need to go out. You have been cooped up in this office far too much lately. It's not good for you."

Mackenzie gave her friend a dry look. "I get plenty of exercise *and* fresh air."

"That's not what I'm concerned about."

"Willow, I have to put my work first. It's called responsibility."

Miakoda looked the other woman dead in the eye. "Or workaholism."

Mackenzie's black eyes hardened. "Are you suggesting I've become addicted to work? I know what addictions are, Will. Addictions are things that give you a plus-one, a high. *Trust me*, this..." She gestured to the forms on her desk. "...is *not* giving me a plus-one."

"Sometimes." Miakoda nodded. "But sometimes addictions are as simple as the things we hide behind in order to avoid confronting the *real* issues in our lives."

Mackenzie said nothing, and the two women simply looked at each other for a moment. A heartbeat later, Miakoda simply lifted her hand off the desk and quietly left the room.

------

-- Baja Mexico: July-5-2024

The needle slid into her skin easily, oblivion coursing through her veins like a familiar lover. Her only lover.

The last person she had called "lover" was gone-faded like the bruises he had inflicted. The bruises on her arms were smaller now, and self-made. She was thankful for her dark skin-it made them easier to hide. She could ask for more if the man thought she was healthy.

"Willow!" A concerned face hovered above her. Who was it? It was so blurry...Maria. It was Maria. Only Maria wore lipstick that red. "Willow...shit, girl! You can't work when you're strung out. Dios!" Maria's face went away, but Miakoda could still hear her. "Fine, you stay. I'm going out. First day of summer...I plan on making lots of money off these extranjeros."

<Extranjero> Foreigner. That was what they had called her when she first arrived in Mexico with...what was his name again? She had left home for him. Now he was nothing but a distant figure traveling down a long lonely highway of memory.

A sigh escaped her lips. The money kept her alive. There were always <los turistos> in Baja; it was one of the few places left unscathed by the Crisis. The money kept her alive, so it didn't matter. It didn't matter that her body was no longer her own. It didn't matter that no one loved her. She had oblivion to comfort her.

---

She adjusted her short red skirt and smoothed the last of the gloss over her full lips. Clarity and reality had returned, and the night would not wait.

She entered the bar quickly and silently. The owner was willing to overlook her and the other girls, so long as they didn't make their presence obvious. Besides, so many lonely people left in the arms of strangers in places like this: who was to know if they would be paying for it later?

Her eyes scanned the crowd, searching. For the most part, they all looked the same, regular muchachos who knew better than to pick up a local whore. Willow silently cursed herself for not getting out sooner. The foreigners looking for company were already gone.

Then she saw him.

He wasn't hard to pick out from a crowd. Far from it. Tall, with red hair that fell nearly to his shoulders. He was so obviously foreign it was almost painful. Willow began to walk closer, evaluating him.

Powerfully built, which could be dangerous if he got violent. But something told her he wouldn't. That he was not capable of violence toward a woman.

He slouched closer toward the bar, his blazing hair falling like a curtain over his face.

(Hiding,) Willow sensed. (Hiding from the pain.)

For a moment, she hesitated. But really her choice had already been made. It was obvious the foreigner needed someone. She was not who he needed, but she was someone...and for tonight, that would be enough.

------

-- New York: ECC Headquarters, Monday, December-19-2035

Miakoda watched the mocha and peppermint syrup dissolve into the coffee as she slowly stirred. When she felt satisfied that the mocha was sufficiently blended, she took a sip, reveling in the rich taste and slight burn of the hot liquid on her lips and tongue. The winter wind whistled outside, the heating system was just beginning to warm the frigid air at ECC Headquarters. She clutched the mug for warmth.

Cold hands and a burnt tongue. She smiled. It was Christmas time for sure.

The door to the main office slid open, and a bundled Calixta Solaris entered, shaking the sleet off her large brown overcoat.

"Sorry I'm late. Thank God the pH-balance in this..." Calixta paused, looking at her sodden coat. "...sorry-excuse-for-snow is good today. If the acid count was higher, I never would have gotten here."

"Subway delays?" Miakoda handed her a cup of steaming mocha, which Calixta accepted with a sigh.

"Yes. You know, I *would* have to choose an apartment in an area with only one subway line. My other option was a taxi-and so of course everyone else in Manhattan had the same idea." Calixta dropped into a chair and took a sip of coffee. "Ah!" She flinched, jerking away from the heat. She grimaced and set the mug on the small table in front of her. "Honestly Miakoda, I'm not feeling very reverential right now. If you want to have a morning prayer, you'd better go on without me."

"That's all right," Miakoda responded, settling into a chair opposite her friend. "We can just talk for awhile, if you'd rather."

Calixta did not respond, but lifted her mug for another sip.

Miakoda was puzzled by the look of fresh hurt in her teammate's eyes. She did not know what it was about, but she decided against inquiring. Calixta would tell her on her own time.

"Oh!" Miakoda started, setting down her mocha. "I was going to ask you about the Christmas Festival on the twenty-third. Did you still want to invite the other girls?"

Calixta looked away. "Actually, I wasn't planning on going myself." She gave a sudden, bitter laugh. "But then again, I have nowhere else to be."

A crease broke Miakoda's smooth forehead. "Did you call your grandmother about spending Christmas Day in Dallas?"

"Yeah, I called."

"Is she still refusing to see you or let you speak to Anna?"

Calixta's arms folded as she forced out a short, pained breath. "Well, she doesn't have to refuse anymore. Anna's gone."

Miakoda's eyebrows shot up in alarm. "Gone?!"

"She ran away. Almost three weeks ago. My grandmother has no idea where she is, but seems to believe she's safe. In fact, she seems to be more angry at *me.*"

"Oh, Calixta." Miakoda longed to reach out to her friend, but she knew Calixta would not welcome it. Never a very demonstrative person, Calixta Solaris tended to retreat even further into herself when upset. Although Miakoda didn't think this was very good for Calixta, she knew she had to let the younger woman do things her own way.

Calixta's arms pulled tighter around her blue sweater. "I haven't seen my sister in almost five years, and now I don't even know where she *is.*"

She stood and began pacing. "I realize you want me to come to the Christmas Festival, Miakoda, but the truth is, I don't *like* Christmas. I don't like this time of year." She stopped pacing and looked at the floor. "It's supposed to be a season of joy, but I haven't felt joyful during Christmas for years."

Miakoda stood and crossed the space between them to place a reassuring hand on Calixta's arm. "Joy isn't necessarily about happy feelings. It has more to do with faith, and being content no matter what the circumstances."

Calixta jerked away. "Well I'm *not* content! It's all I can do to keep from breaking down every year. I don't want a lot-but it would be nice to see my family again." One treacherous tear gathered on her lashes. "I'm just tired of being alone."

"Calixta, God doesn't want you to be alone."

"Well, He's sure not doing anything about it! I've been praying for years that I would get to see my father and sister again, and I've been looking for them, and if God *really* didn't want me to be alone, it wouldn't be so hard for him to do something about it, right?"

"Calixta." Miakoda walked back to her chair and beckoned her.

Calixta hesitated for a moment, and then took the seat across from the Navajo woman.

"This news about your sister is bewildering, even to me. I can't imagine how you are feeling. But you *can't* believe you will always be alone." Miakoda's eyes softened. "We can never see it, but sometimes the darkest times in our lives lead us to the greatest things God has for us."

------

-- San Diego Highway, December-1-2024

The empty desert rolled outside the window. Willow's hands shook as she opened the packaged burrito she had bought with a few pesos found on the last bus. One meal a day wasn't enough anymore. She felt as though she was always hungry.

Her hands gave a violent twitch and the package fell to the floor. She bent to pick it up, but the woman sitting next to her reached it first.

"You okay, honey?" the woman asked, and handed the food back to her, bracelets clinking.

Willow's eyes squeezed shut, fighting to regain control over her withdrawal-wracked body. Willing her hands to still and her racing mind to quiet, she ripped the package open. "Fine. Thank you."

The English words came with some difficulty. Not because she didn't remember, but because she remembered too much. She hadn't spoken English since him.

"Okay." The woman nodded, but the pity in her eyes brought an angry lump to Willow's throat. "Are you going home?" the woman asked, turning toward her.

<Como?> Willow started. "Ahh...no. No." (Not home...)

"You're visiting Los Angeles then? Alone?" The woman clicked her tongue. "A pretty young thing like you? Nah. You shouldn't be traveling alone. Now, when you've been through as many husbands as I have...then you can travel alone!" The woman chuckled, obviously pleased with her "joke." She patted Willow's hand.

Willow flinched away, turning to the window, her arm across her stomach, staring at the bleakness outside.

She wished she knew where she was going. But all she knew was that she was leaving.

Her foreigner had told her to leave. Before he left, he made her promise to get out. To get away from her pimp, to get out of Baja. She'd told him she would, to make him feel better, but she hadn't meant it. She didn't have the courage to leave then.

But now...she had no choice. Everything had changed.

------

-- New York: ECC Headquarters, Monday, December-19-2035

"So what happened when you reached L.A.?" Calixta twisted a napkin absently in her hand.

For a moment, Miakoda said nothing. She stared into the empty mug she held in her hands as though looking into the past itself. "Too much," she said finally. "Eventually I broke down, and I had a heroin relapse. I got involved with my supplier. I told myself I was doing better because I wasn't a prostitute, but in reality, I was still selling myself.

"When he got tired of me, a normal break-up wasn't possible. I knew too much about him, and I was too unpredictable, erratic. He'd been in the business long enough to know that an addict cut off from their supply can be capable of anything. So on a business run between Los Angeles and Las Vegas, he left me on the side of the road in the middle of the Mojave Desert."

"Bastard," Calixta muttered.

"Perhaps." Miakoda gave a wan smile. "Nevertheless, I am very thankful for his cruelty. Being kicked out of that car changed my life. That night I hit 'rock bottom,' as they say. When that happens, something inside you changes. You are suddenly able to see things you could never see before. It can drive a person crazy, or bring them to a point of such intense sanity that they break under the pressure. Me, I had a vision."

"A vision?" Calixta knew her psychic friend sometimes sensed things the rest of them could not, but she had never heard her speak of visions. Dreams, yes. Often, Miakoda would talk about dreams, how they were important, how they held significance. "You mean like a dream?"

"Not exactly. It was quite unlike anything I'd experienced before or have experienced since. Many would say it was simply a hallucination brought on by withdrawal, but I know the truth of it. I came face to face with my spirit guide that night...my mother's spirit in the form of an owl. She led me to Hope."

Calixta nodded, recognizing the name of the small town in Nevada. Miakoda often spoke of it. "That's where you met Catharina Littlefoot, right?"

"Yes. Catharina helped me gain back my self-respect, and taught me that God is the god of all peoples...that the Christian God and the Great Spirit are not mutually incompatible...and regardless of what name we use, God is the God of those that are lost...and those that are alone."

A pale smile flitted across Calixta's face. "Thank you," she said softly.

Miakoda nodded almost imperceptibly in acknowledgement, and then stood to clear the mugs in preparation for the arrival of the rest of ECC. "Calixta, I actually don't have any plans for Christmas Day at the moment, either. Would you like to-"

"Yes."

Miakoda just smiled.

------

-- New York: Children of God Non-Denominational Fellowship Building, December-23-2035

A rousing classical rendition of _Joy To the World_ played over an outdated stereo system as Miakoda made her way across the packed common room, precariously holding two glasses of eggnog over the heads of running children and little old ladies.

She smiled, glancing toward Adara, who was having an animated conversation with one of the community matrons about the best place to go Christmas shopping. Calixta was standing next to them, munching on a piece of gingerbread and looking very amused.

"She shouldn't have gotten Adara started on shopping." Richard Price III, Adara's boyfriend, grinned as he came up behind Miakoda. "We might be here all night." He smiled at Miakoda disarmingly. "How are you, Miakoda?"

"I-I'm well, thank you Richard." Miakoda returned the smile. She looked down at her hands, still holding the glasses inanely. "Eggnog?" she offered suddenly.

"Thanks." Richard took the drink. "It's been a while since I've seen you. You and Adara don't hang out as much as you used to."

"Yes, well, since Adara became field commander, she's had a lot more work to do." Miakoda laughed a bit nervously. "But I'm sure you know that. We've all been busier, really." She lowered her voice just perceptibly. "Lucifer Hawk attacks are becoming more frequent."

Richard leaned toward her conspiratorially. "So Adara tells me," he responded, his voice also lowering. "Listen, Miakoda, do you feel like you can't socialize with Adara and me anymore because she outranks you now? Because you have to know that she doesn't want that."

Miakoda gave a small smile. "Don't worry. ECC is a very close unit. I don't think any of us feels those kinds of inhibitions."

"Good. And not just for Adara. You know I consider you a friend as well, and I want to make sure we stay that way." He grinned and patted her lightly on the arm. "I'd better get back to boyfriend duty. I'll talk to you later."

Miakoda nodded, and watched him return to Adara's side. He wrapped one arm around her and Adara reached a hand up to easily thread her fingers through his, not even pausing in her conversation. <They fit so well together,> Miakoda thought with a bittersweet sigh.

The jangle of the sleigh bells hung over the door caught her attention. She turned to see Amber Ramirez walk through the door, scanning the crowd in an agitated manner.

"Amber! Feliz Navidad!" Miakoda shouted slightly over the noise of the crowd. The two women made their way across the crowd toward each other.

"Thanks, Miakoda." Amber hugged the psychic briefly. She pulled back, and Miakoda noticed tear tracks staining the younger woman's cheeks. "But...do you have some time? I need to ask you something."

"Of course. What's wrong?" Miakoda said, with a concerned voice.

"Can-" Amber looked around. "Can we go someplace quieter?"

"Sure."

Miakoda led Amber to a side door and they exited onto a small covered porch. Miakoda set her eggnog down on a railing, and turned to her coworker. "What is it?"

Amber looked across the parking lot at the blinking street lights for a moment, then turned back. "Calixta said you and she are spending Christmas together. Could I...could I join you?" she said quickly.

"But you said you always spend Christmas with your family!" Miakoda was taken slightly off-guard by the question. "You love Christmas with them."

Amber's face darkened slightly. "I don't think I can handle it right now. I'm too angry with him."

"Him?"

Amber folded her arms and looked at the floor. "My father." She took a deep breath. "I went to the hospital to interview a woman who was injured at the Nordic Alliance protest rally, and...and I ran into my father. He was...he was there as a patient, Miakoda!" Amber voice fairly shook with emotion. Miakoda wasn't sure if it was anger or sadness. "He's...he's been having chemotherapy. For over a month!" Amber looked up and gestured wildly. "Over a month! And he didn't tell me anything!"

Miakoda said nothing, waiting for Amber to say more.

"How could he keep something like that from the whole family? Mami is the only one who knew anything, and he made her promise not to tell. I'm just so...so..." Amber looked up Miakoda, her eyes full of helplessness. "...angry with him," she finished lamely.

Miakoda felt a slight tug at her consciousness. "It's more than that, isn't it?"

Amber sighed deeply. "This isn't the first time he's kept things from me. Important things." She tapped her fist against her chest. "Things I should know.

"When I was in high school," Amber continued, "someone gave me this crystal. I don't know who it was, but I know my father suspects who. Someone had talked to him about me, about my powers, a long time ago. It's possible there are other truthsayers, other people like me, out there. But I will never know, because my father would not let them speak to me, and he didn't even tell me about them. The only reason I know as much as I do, is because...because..." Amber's face flushed. "Because he *lied* to me. My father lied to me."

"Amber," Miakoda took a deep breath. "You have to forgive him."

Amber blinked. "I don't know if I can right now."

"I know the truth is important to you," Miakoda continued. "But you love your father. And he needs you to love him. Especially now." Miakoda looked upwards at the stars, barely visible through the streetlights. "I know your father doesn't want to lose you. Family is a precious thing," she whispered.

Amber's brow furrowed slightly as she looked at Miakoda. It was as though something hovered around her words, something that seemed to chill the air. Amber touched her necklace without thinking, but found it warm.

"Spend Christmas with your family, Amber," Miakoda said, and opened the door, allowing warmth and music to spill out. "Remember," she said, touching the small gold crucifix pinned to Amber's coat lapel, "forgiveness is the most precious gift."

------

-- New York: Central Park, December-26-2035

The scent of fresh pine was sharp on the breeze, mingling with the energetic shrieks of the children on the playground. Miakoda smiled wanly, watching them. She settled onto the bench, stuffed a newly-filled prescription bottle to the bottom of her bag, and pulled a pen and journal out.

As she did so, a flash of red hair caught her eye. A little girl stood at the top of the slide, her grin wide and her cheeks glowing like her blazing hair.

"Watch me, Mommy! Watch me!" the girl trilled.

A dark cloud passed over Miakoda's eyes. Her pen sagged, lifeless in her hand.

Even though she had counseled Amber to always forgive, and to forgive completely, Miakoda knew that there was someone she had not forgiven.

The wind gusted, and the girl slid down the slide, her innocent laughter echoing in a long-empty hole in Miakoda's heart.

While it was one thing to forgive someone else, it was another thing entirely to forgive yourself.

--------------------------------------

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Maris Lynn: "I'm just minding my own business when these damn feds from New York ask me to help them kill some Lucifer Hawks! So these overpaid pansies think they know more than I do? I'll show them how you kick monster ass!"

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