Skip Beat! Fan Fiction ❯ Skipholic ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: kashuneko 
Anime/Manga: Skip Beat! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.11.2010 | Updated On: 11.16.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 265 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Skip Beat! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 11.11.2010 | Updated On: 11.16.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 265 | Status: Work In Progress
Title: Skipholic
Fandom: Skip Beat, with some xxxHolic xover
Pairing: Kyouko/Ren
Rating: T
Length: 6 chapters.
Summary: Karma has always been better at extracting revenge than humans.
DISC: I do not own Skip Beat or any of the characters. These belong to Nakamura Yoshiki and were originally published in Hana to Yume, and licensed through Viz Media in North America.
I also do not own xxxHolic or any of the characters. These belong to Clamp – those crazy mangaka who make us all practically faint for the shonen-ai and then YANK it out from under us. Clamp, if I can have one request, it’s to give us some DouWata love by the end of this series! PLEASE!
Chapter 2
The next two months went by in a blur. Work was steady – the wrap up on Dark Moon was still to be completed, she had her regular stint as Bo, Box ‘R’ was going strong and was getting favorable press, and she’d done well on her examinations for both high school and her acting classes. On top of this, she’d been rented out for a few more Love Me assignments, too – random deliveries, cleaning services, things like that.
Not to mention that she had to make those two dolls, but really, that had been easier than she’d anticipated. She’d finished in just three days, and wasn’t really surprised when the witch appeared to collect them during her lunch break four days after the last time they’d met. Yuuko had been quite pleased with the quality, clapping and giggling.
Honestly, though, when the witch said in a squeaky voice, “Oh, Shizuka, I’ve waited so long,” then in a very deep baritone, “Kimihiro,” then pressed the dolls’ faces up to each other and made fake kissy noises before erupting into gales of laughter… Well that was… that was just weird and uncomfortable. And it made her worry for the state in which her grudges would be returned.
But there really wasn’t much time to think about that on her schedule. In fact she’d barely had time to miss them when the first two were returned two weeks after she’d lent them to Yuuko. She’d thought that they would come back all sedate, but really, they seemed more energetic than ever – quicker to respond to threats, and more subtle in their punishments. For example, while in the bathroom stall, she overheard some LME actresses complaining about the Love Me pink jumpsuits being too outrageous. Instantly, one of the upgraded grudges flew and “assisted” the woman in applying her lipstick. She looked like a clown when it was done. But the grudge came back happy and she found she didn’t dwell on the event afterwards like she would have previously. She sent the next two on, without worry.
Even better, the next time Shoutaro appeared to try to give her crap, the two grudges responded before she’d even consciously realized he was near, tripping him so that he ended up falling into a guy who looked like a construction worker – ending in an accidental kiss. She’d had a smile on her face for the entire rest of the day.
Two months after meeting Yuuko, she had eight updated grudges, and had passed all her examinations. She was now in her final year of high school. Her acting classes had also gone well, and she was moving into a more advanced class.
Things were starting to come together. She’d even gotten cast in a new commercial video. Finally – FINALLY – a role where she didn’t have to be mean. In fact, she was the romantic female lead.
In this one, she was cast as the shy, bookish girl who had a crush on her sempai, but could barely work up the courage to talk to him. But then, one day, after watching him while he’s at kendo practice, she goes to a vending machine, and gets the last Coke from the machine. He shows up right after and says, “Aw, man! I really wanted a Coke,” and she wordlessly hands it to him, then runs away, scared and shy. After that, he starts to notice her and when he finally repays her Coke, he also tells her that he likes her and then kisses her. And that’s the end of the spot, as the camera fades out on the can of coke they are both holding onto, their kiss in the background.
It was sweet and romantic.
Except… She’d never kissed anyone before.
Unless you counted that anteater invading her mouth looking for bait. Which she most certainly did not. Or the strange dreams that had been plaguing her recently where for some odd reason she had been dancing with someone – at first she thought it was Corn, but he had wings and golden hair, not the dark hair of her dream partner. And as they danced under the moonlight, his arms wrapped around her, his head so close to hers, she could feel his breath on her neck, in her hair. The feeling set her to shivering, and made her feel that something more should be coming – something that she wanted. As the dance neared its finish, he dipped her, and then, when he pulled her up, drew her close and kissed her… But just before his lips touched hers, she always woke up. So, she never actually got to the kiss.
None of this helped her out now. It stressed her out, but like Tsuruga-san had said, she was going to have to kiss people as an actor. She needed to accept that as part of her role. It had nothing to do with her personal life.
Except, how was she going to kiss convincingly when she’d never kissed anyone before?
You need to learn how to kiss.
What was she going to do? So distraught that she didn’t notice the rehabilitated grudge whispering in her ear, all she could think was that this wasn’t exactly something you could learn alone. She’d ask Moko for help, but… the thought of Moko teaching her how to kiss just made her giggle.
No. Someone else…
And there was NO WAY IN HELL she’d let Sho near her ever again.
You know…
There was really only one person.
And for some reason, the thought of asking him to teach her how to kiss properly made her feel like the ground had just given out beneath her – like she was freefalling and fast.
But…
The options were that she could ask Tsuruga-san for help, or she could learn how to kiss with whoever was cast opposite her. And frankly, that thought made her feel really gross.
She’d just have to put up with the roller coaster ride feeling and ask for help. Again.
It was a wonder that he hadn’t given up on her already. She was so troublesome.
XX
“You want… me to… teach you how to…” He stopped, couldn’t finish the question. Only years of practice allowed him to keep his face in a serene mask. His heart was pounding furiously. When he saw her waiting for him outside his apartment – again – this time with bags of food, which were obviously meant for her to make him dinner, he was sure she was there to ask for his help in something. The food would be the repayment. And with the amount of food he saw in the bags, he’d known it wasn’t something she considered small. He’d invited her in, and while they were on the elevator, she told him why she was there.
Nodding, she looked up at him. “In the commercial I’ll be filming this week, I’m a shy girl who has a secret crush on her sempai and at the end, the boy decides he likes me too and…” she blushed prettily, “he… kisses me, and I realize it’s a very big imposition, but you were the only person I could think of to ask.”
I was the only person she could think of to ask? What does that mean?
“I see,” he said. “But if you’re shy, your character has probably never been kissed before, right? So wouldn’t it be easier if you just went like you are?”
Kyouko shook her head vigorously. “But no, because if I’m kissing some guy I don’t even know – much less like – and I’m just using myself without acting, I think I’ll just punch him or something. I need to practice so I can get used to the feeling of being kissed, and so I can think about what my character is feeling and show it right.”
I should have guessed. It didn’t mean anything that she came to me for this. It’s just practice – like practice walking in a model’s stance.
Sighing, he muttered as he opened the door to his apartment, “Why me?”
It wasn’t intended to be heard, but hear it she did. “Well, I thought about asking Moko for help, but that seemed really… I thought I would end up wasting too much time giggling to make practicing productive. So it had to be a guy, and the only guys I know are Sawara-san, Yashiro-san, Director Ogata, and the guys on Bridge Rock. Kissing any of them would be… just weird. You were the only one that I thought it might feel natural to kiss.” She didn’t realize her cheeks flushed a bit as she said this, but she quickly amended the thought, “Because we’re both professionals – so I knew you’d take it as an acting lesson for your lowly kouhai, so it’d be okay.”
And then, she looked up at him with her wide eyes, pleading for his help, and when had he ever been able to say no to her?
Sighing again, he said, “Okay. Do you want to have dinner first?” God, that sounds like I’m propositioning her! She wants me to kiss her. Kiss her. How do I get into these situations? He felt his cheeks warm and he turned his head away from her. I just have to keep our bodies apart so she can’t tell if… when… God, get me through this night!
Oh, he’s looking away. I’ve really am a terrible bother to him all the time. “Um… I…”
With a brisk nod, he decided teasing her a bit might lighten the mood. “Well, I wouldn’t want you to be worried about it the whole time you’re cooking. So why don’t we put the groceries in the refrigerator and then start on the acting session right away?”
He called it an acting session in an attempt to lessen his nerves. It wasn’t working.
Slowly, she nodded. “Okay.”
They moved to the kitchen and put all the items away. As Kyouko placed the last item in the fridge, Ren asked, “So, how does the kiss happen?” He watched her bend over to put something on the bottom shelf, her short skirt riding up to show more of her long, long legs. He was minutes away from kissing her. Pressing his lips against her own…
“Um… Well, I’m too scared, so I’m kind of running away from him, so he pins me against a wall so he can give me a Coke – I’d given him one earlier, it’s a commercial for Coke – and then he tells me that he likes me and when I look up at him, he kisses me.” She backed out of the fridge and shut the door.
Immediately, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her against the icebox. He could feel heat radiating off her petite frame. How many times had he wanted to do this? And now, she was asking him to – as acting practice. It was beyond ironic. If it weren’t for the iron will he was going to need to keep himself in control, he’d think this was simply a gift from the gods. “Like this?” he whispered against her ear, and she gasped and then swallowed before gazing up at him.
“Y- yeah,” she managed to stutter out.
Those eyes, that smile. He whispered, “I love you,” and then his lips were pressed against her own.
Oh. This is… She couldn’t even complete the thought. It was the exact opposite of what she’d felt when that anteater had attacked her. Unknowingly, she sighed, opening her mouth and before she knew it, his tongue was lightly caressing her own. This was… her knees were weak and there were tingles and, unconsciously her own tongue started pressing against his own. His hands were sliding behind her back, wrapping her in an embrace. Her own wrapped around his neck, fingers stroking his back.
Kyouko. Oh, God. I… Have to… Gasping, he pulled back and schooled his face to stillness. “Na- Not bad for a first kiss.”
Oh. Right. Acting. He’s acting. He was acting like he wanted to… She smiled at him wanly. “Wh- What should… I do differently?”
This was… She kissed him back – but it was just acting. He felt himself becoming unreasonably angry. No. This isn’t fair to her. “Well… What were you thinking about when you were kissing me?” Ooh. He liked the way that sounded.
She blinked with a blank expression. “I… thinking? I…” I wasn’t thinking about anything. Except how good it felt. How warm and comfortable and… Oh! But I can’t say that! She blushed and said, “I’m so sorry, sempai. I wasn’t properly focused. I’m not really sure. But if we…” She stood up straight and proper. “I’ll pay more attention the next time! I won’t fail.”
He was caught between disbelief – what had she really been thinking? – and sly enjoyment. If he could make sure she kept getting it wrong, he’d get to keep kissing her. And if he had his way, they’d be kissing all night. “Okay. Let’s try it again. I’ll start a little more slowly this time.”
Framing her against the wall, he leaned down toward her ear. “What are you feeling right now?” his breath ghosted across her ear and she shivered.
“I… That… It’s kind of like it tickles,” she breathed, “but… it makes me just feel warm instead of wanting to laugh,” she replied honestly.
He had to fight back a groan. He pulled back a bit and captured her eyes with his own. “I don’t mean just the physical sensations. What are your emotions? Your sempai, who you’ve had a crush on,” he swallowed, berating himself for stating something that would be nothing but wishful thinking, “has pinned you against the wall. You’re trapped, Kyouko. You can feel my body heat radiating toward you.”
He leaned again to her ear. “My breath is blowing on your neck, your ear. At any second, my lips could press against you.” He blew lightly on her neck. “Have you thought about it before? What it would be like if my lips were to take yours? What it would feel like for me to brush them against your cheek, or nibble on your ear?”
A butterfly light kiss on her earlobe made her jump. “Have you thought about what will come next?”
He pulled back to see her head was leaning against the fridge, chin tilted upwards. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted. “Yes,” she breathed.
He smiled. Until she gasped and opened her eyes. “I… I mean… my character would have thought about kissing the guy she liked… right?”
He frowned. “Well, that’s your decision. It’s your character.” Damn it. Was she talking about me? Or not. He leaned closer to her. “When I lean in, are you scared I’m going to kiss you? Or scared I’m not?”
She thought for a moment, looking into his eyes. It’s not fair that his eyes can be that beautiful and clear. And they’re so dark today. “I… Yes,” she breathed, lifting her chin as if trying to make it easier for him to reach her lips.
Smirking at her body’s reaction, he inquired, “Well, which is it?” His lips had closed all but the last quarter inch.
Her eyes were clear and honest as she breathed softly, “Both.”
“I love your honesty, Kyouko.” All she’d have to do is lift her lips a hair to kiss him. But the role called for him to kiss her, so…
Oh. Oh. Yes. This felt… He was kissing her. She… her character… was being kissed by the man – boy – she liked. And in that second, everything fell into place. She’d started by respecting him. He was smart and talented – revered by everyone. And eventually, she – her character – had started noticing him more and more. It was like she wanted to spend every moment she could watching him, his beauty, his kindness. But he didn’t think of her that way. And why would he? She was just… ordinary. But because of her own kindness – giving him that soda – he sees her for the first time. And he finds something – she’s not sure what, but who’s to say about taste? – in her that makes him feel the same for her. So, he does what he can to get her attention: the same thing she had done. And then, before she can run away, he does what she’s wanted. At first, she can’t believe it – it’s too good to be true. But, as the words he’s said, and the feeling of his kiss penetrates, she gives in. It is real.
She pulled out of the kiss and beamed at him. “That was it! Thank you Tsuruga-san! I know how to play this now!”
Quickly, he shut his face to a blank. “You… do?”
She nodded. “You always help me so much. I wish I could do something more for you than just cook for you.”
He shook his head. “No. It’s nothing. Why don’t you start cooking now? I’m going to… go take a bath before dinner. It was… kind of a long day.”
Eyes widened like dinner plates. “I’m so sorry. Please. I’ll call you when it’s ready. Go relax.”
One of these days, she’s going to kill me. He limped to the bathroom, reminding himself the whole way that he’d known it was just acting lessons and that he was a fool to take her reactions personally.
XX
Within the next week, Kyouko shot the commercial. The director gave her only one NG, and praised her on her professionalism. Still, part of her was frustrated by the fact that when she looked up at the boy leaning in toward her, she had to picture Tsuruga-san’s face in order to get that same feeling she’d had during practice. It seemed somehow… like she was misusing him. But… picturing his face made kissing the young boy tolerable. And no one else noticed that the “shyness” she portrayed was actually more of distress and dismay at letting this person touch her. She was an actress. She’d have to get better at this stuff.
Well, if the need came up again, maybe Tsuruga-san would practice with her. When he’d come out of the bath, wrapped in a flannel yukata, part of her wanted to practice some more right then. But that would have been taking advantage of his kindness. And she noticed how tired and dazed he looked, so as soon as she’d served him the food, she ran out the door to “catch the last bus.” He’d just sighed and sagged back – she could see it as she gently closed the door behind herself. He’d somehow looked disappointed.
But next time, she’d make sure she didn’t do anything to disappoint him.
The following day, she was expecting him to say something, but he seemed normal – for the few minutes they had to talk. He was onscreen most of the day.
Interestingly enough, in the week since she’d learned how to kiss, that strange dream had started happening every night. Every morning, she woke up with her heart beating, feeling like she was on the verge of learning something vitally important. And when her next two grudges came back from Yuuko, the dreams started feeling more urgent. And one day, when reflecting on the dream, she remembered the kissing lessons with Tsuruga-san. But that… was inappropriate, so she refused to think about it.
Other than her weird dreams, things were going well. No one was making fun of the Love Me department anymore at LME – even Chiorin seemed to be doing better now that she had joined. The President had agreed to let her high school and acting school bill LME and make deductions to her paychecks to cover it, and since she was working so much, it really felt like there was nothing missing from her checks at all. She’d been able to buy herself a few new outfits – with Moko along to ensure that she didn’t revert to sappy, ugly clothes. And best of all, she’d run into Sho several times without even feeling anger, hatred – or anything. It made her feel kind of smug, actually.
The only sad part of it all was that Dark Moon was finished – the wrap party would be the following night. It was sad on so many levels. First, she would have to say goodbye to Mio. Well, no, Mio would always be a part of her now. But, she wouldn’t be appearing on so regular a basis. It felt like a dear friend was moving to another country. It felt like it had when Corn had left.
Second, she would have to say goodbye to the cast and crew. Working so closely together for these months, they’d become friends. Now, she wouldn’t see them as often, and she’d miss them.
It was probably for the best though. She’d really started relying too much on him – them. She needed to be self-sufficient. She couldn’t go running to Tsuruga Ren – or the director or other cast members – every time she had questions or concerns about a role. Not if she wanted to advance from extreme newbie to professional actress. There was no use sighing about the fact that there would no longer be late nights reviewing lines or cooking for…
Oh, man. But would he eat properly when she wasn’t around? That man, even though he said it was important to care for your body, he always neglected his own. Sharing rides had helped, because she made him eat on the way. But now…
Jeez! And now no more rides. It was back to the bike for her. That was sure to be a pain. Well. Feh. It would help keep her in shape. A must for an actress. Still, it did make her feel a bit at a loss. She’d come to enjoy riding with him.
Well, at least she had tonight’s ride home to look forward to. Better enjoy it while it lasted.
That thought in mind, she walked down the hall, toward his dressing room. As she neared the room, she heard Ren’s voice, shouting, “Why can’t you let it drop?!” He must have been practicing for that mystery part of his, because Ren never raised his voice like that normally. The rest was unintelligible at first, but as she got closer to the room, the words became clearer.
“Fuwa has NOTHING to do with this.”
Ren yelling the name Fuwa caught her up short and she froze in place as her grudges all placed their ears at the door. After a moment, she did as well, only to hear Yashiro’s voice conversing with Tsuruga.
“…jealous enough to react. I’m glad you’ve realized that she’s almost completely over him – I thought you were going to trip over your own jaw that day when the crew was gawking over his latest video in the break room and she didn’t even notice. But the fact remains, if you don’t tell her how you feel, she’s going to find someone else. There are plenty of guys in the world, and she’s only going to become more popular the more work she gets. And she’s getting a LOT of offers. Like that commercial I saw in editing – where she’s KISSING some young boy. I’m telling you, now that the show is over and you’re not going to see her every day, you’ve got to do something to keep her thinking about you.”
“And I’m telling you: Kyouko doesn’t – she won’t ever – see me that way. She would think I was just acting or something if I did kiss her the way I want to. She… doesn’t believe in love. She has good reason not to. Everyone she’s had around has hurt her. Her mom, Fuwa, even… Do you even wonder why I don’t tell her? It’s because I know me. I know me! I can’t tell her until I’m sure I won’t ever hurt her.
“You,” He snorted. “You don’t know who I am, who I’ve been. And when I’m with her, I can feel the old me – the person I used to be – starting to take over. She makes me feel… EVERYthing. God, I scare myself when it comes to her. When I see some other guy talking to her, I just want to lock her away. I want her so badly, I’m afraid someday I won’t be able to stop myself. When I saw Fuwa kiss her, I wanted to reach down his throat and rip his lungs out. When that damned beagle cornered her, I wanted to snap his scrawny neck for scaring her. When it comes to Kyouko, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do.”
“YES!” Yoshiro crowed. “That’s it. What girl wouldn’t swoon if a guy told her that!”
A loud thwack – like a palm smacking a table – resounded clearly. “NO! You don’t get it. You think these are words, empty words. But I’m talking about reality. Do you really think Kyouko would want me to actually hurt Fuwa Sho? Even back when she was a girl, when her mother was abusing her and that piece of shit was already ordering her around with no regard for her feelings, she was strong and independent – and honorable. She’d take things on herself, hide in the woods and cry, blaming herself, rather than worry that jerk with her tears. And I can’t… Every time I don’t consciously stop myself, all I think about is the way she feels in my arms, her lips, the way she smells, her eyes looking at me with such trust and I just want to… If I let go of my control, let myself fully feel all I feel for her, I might really… break her.”
“But… you’d never…”
“Are you sure about that? You don’t know the real me, who I really am. You don’t know what kind of life I’ve led. You just focus on the sweetness of romance – as if it were a movie or a manga. Like all I need to do is create a romantic atmosphere, look into her eyes and say, ‘Mogami Kyouko, I’m in love with you, I can’t imagine my life without you anymore,’ and everything will work out like roses and chocolates. But it will never work out that way. It’s just not possible for someone like me.
“Don’t you see? I’d rather have Kyouko safe as my friend than hurt her. I’d even settle for her thinking we’re just kouhei and sempai if it means I get to keep her by my side and happy. I love her. I’ll do anything I can to support her. My feelings aren’t important if they’ll hurt her. So, please. From now on. Just drop it. Okay?”
Dazed, Kyouko sagged against the door. Her bag landed against it with a thump, but she was too distracted to notice. Had she really just heard? Could she be mistaken?
Tsuruga Ren loved… her?!
She heard in her head the voice saying, “I’ll do anything I can to support her. My feelings aren’t important.” How many times had she thought the same kind of thing about Sho?
What did any of that even mean? He loves me? But love was just devastation. Pain. Loneliness.
Her heart thumped, and she felt that tingle in her belly like the night he’d prepared her for the commercial. He’d leaned over her. His breath in her hair.
But. If he loved her, then everything… all the times they spent together would be destined to become laced with pain. …Weren’t they?
The door opened and Yashiro stared at her, as she leaned in a daze against the door.
“Ah, Mogami-san. We’re almost done here and ready to go.”
His voice startled her out of her ruminations and she stared at him with wide eyes. “Yashiro-san! I… I…” Ren’s head appeared over his manager’s shoulder and she paled. Why did he look like Corn so much right now? He was in love with her? She couldn’t… she just couldn’t…“I gotta go!” She turned and ran, not noticing that one of her grudges stayed behind, hovering around the handsome actor.
“Wait! We’ll give you a ride!” Yashiro called, but she had already fled.
Ren ran into the hall, calling after her. “Kyouko!” The grudge settled itself on his shoulder, as if it were planning to camp there for a while.
“Hm. Do you think she heard us?” Yashiro asked, risking death at the hands of the Emperor of Night by stating the obvious yet again.
XX
Fandom: Skip Beat, with some xxxHolic xover
Pairing: Kyouko/Ren
Rating: T
Length: 6 chapters.
Summary: Karma has always been better at extracting revenge than humans.
DISC: I do not own Skip Beat or any of the characters. These belong to Nakamura Yoshiki and were originally published in Hana to Yume, and licensed through Viz Media in North America.
I also do not own xxxHolic or any of the characters. These belong to Clamp – those crazy mangaka who make us all practically faint for the shonen-ai and then YANK it out from under us. Clamp, if I can have one request, it’s to give us some DouWata love by the end of this series! PLEASE!
Chapter 2
The next two months went by in a blur. Work was steady – the wrap up on Dark Moon was still to be completed, she had her regular stint as Bo, Box ‘R’ was going strong and was getting favorable press, and she’d done well on her examinations for both high school and her acting classes. On top of this, she’d been rented out for a few more Love Me assignments, too – random deliveries, cleaning services, things like that.
Not to mention that she had to make those two dolls, but really, that had been easier than she’d anticipated. She’d finished in just three days, and wasn’t really surprised when the witch appeared to collect them during her lunch break four days after the last time they’d met. Yuuko had been quite pleased with the quality, clapping and giggling.
Honestly, though, when the witch said in a squeaky voice, “Oh, Shizuka, I’ve waited so long,” then in a very deep baritone, “Kimihiro,” then pressed the dolls’ faces up to each other and made fake kissy noises before erupting into gales of laughter… Well that was… that was just weird and uncomfortable. And it made her worry for the state in which her grudges would be returned.
But there really wasn’t much time to think about that on her schedule. In fact she’d barely had time to miss them when the first two were returned two weeks after she’d lent them to Yuuko. She’d thought that they would come back all sedate, but really, they seemed more energetic than ever – quicker to respond to threats, and more subtle in their punishments. For example, while in the bathroom stall, she overheard some LME actresses complaining about the Love Me pink jumpsuits being too outrageous. Instantly, one of the upgraded grudges flew and “assisted” the woman in applying her lipstick. She looked like a clown when it was done. But the grudge came back happy and she found she didn’t dwell on the event afterwards like she would have previously. She sent the next two on, without worry.
Even better, the next time Shoutaro appeared to try to give her crap, the two grudges responded before she’d even consciously realized he was near, tripping him so that he ended up falling into a guy who looked like a construction worker – ending in an accidental kiss. She’d had a smile on her face for the entire rest of the day.
Two months after meeting Yuuko, she had eight updated grudges, and had passed all her examinations. She was now in her final year of high school. Her acting classes had also gone well, and she was moving into a more advanced class.
Things were starting to come together. She’d even gotten cast in a new commercial video. Finally – FINALLY – a role where she didn’t have to be mean. In fact, she was the romantic female lead.
In this one, she was cast as the shy, bookish girl who had a crush on her sempai, but could barely work up the courage to talk to him. But then, one day, after watching him while he’s at kendo practice, she goes to a vending machine, and gets the last Coke from the machine. He shows up right after and says, “Aw, man! I really wanted a Coke,” and she wordlessly hands it to him, then runs away, scared and shy. After that, he starts to notice her and when he finally repays her Coke, he also tells her that he likes her and then kisses her. And that’s the end of the spot, as the camera fades out on the can of coke they are both holding onto, their kiss in the background.
It was sweet and romantic.
Except… She’d never kissed anyone before.
Unless you counted that anteater invading her mouth looking for bait. Which she most certainly did not. Or the strange dreams that had been plaguing her recently where for some odd reason she had been dancing with someone – at first she thought it was Corn, but he had wings and golden hair, not the dark hair of her dream partner. And as they danced under the moonlight, his arms wrapped around her, his head so close to hers, she could feel his breath on her neck, in her hair. The feeling set her to shivering, and made her feel that something more should be coming – something that she wanted. As the dance neared its finish, he dipped her, and then, when he pulled her up, drew her close and kissed her… But just before his lips touched hers, she always woke up. So, she never actually got to the kiss.
None of this helped her out now. It stressed her out, but like Tsuruga-san had said, she was going to have to kiss people as an actor. She needed to accept that as part of her role. It had nothing to do with her personal life.
Except, how was she going to kiss convincingly when she’d never kissed anyone before?
You need to learn how to kiss.
What was she going to do? So distraught that she didn’t notice the rehabilitated grudge whispering in her ear, all she could think was that this wasn’t exactly something you could learn alone. She’d ask Moko for help, but… the thought of Moko teaching her how to kiss just made her giggle.
No. Someone else…
And there was NO WAY IN HELL she’d let Sho near her ever again.
You know…
There was really only one person.
And for some reason, the thought of asking him to teach her how to kiss properly made her feel like the ground had just given out beneath her – like she was freefalling and fast.
But…
The options were that she could ask Tsuruga-san for help, or she could learn how to kiss with whoever was cast opposite her. And frankly, that thought made her feel really gross.
She’d just have to put up with the roller coaster ride feeling and ask for help. Again.
It was a wonder that he hadn’t given up on her already. She was so troublesome.
XX
“You want… me to… teach you how to…” He stopped, couldn’t finish the question. Only years of practice allowed him to keep his face in a serene mask. His heart was pounding furiously. When he saw her waiting for him outside his apartment – again – this time with bags of food, which were obviously meant for her to make him dinner, he was sure she was there to ask for his help in something. The food would be the repayment. And with the amount of food he saw in the bags, he’d known it wasn’t something she considered small. He’d invited her in, and while they were on the elevator, she told him why she was there.
Nodding, she looked up at him. “In the commercial I’ll be filming this week, I’m a shy girl who has a secret crush on her sempai and at the end, the boy decides he likes me too and…” she blushed prettily, “he… kisses me, and I realize it’s a very big imposition, but you were the only person I could think of to ask.”
I was the only person she could think of to ask? What does that mean?
“I see,” he said. “But if you’re shy, your character has probably never been kissed before, right? So wouldn’t it be easier if you just went like you are?”
Kyouko shook her head vigorously. “But no, because if I’m kissing some guy I don’t even know – much less like – and I’m just using myself without acting, I think I’ll just punch him or something. I need to practice so I can get used to the feeling of being kissed, and so I can think about what my character is feeling and show it right.”
I should have guessed. It didn’t mean anything that she came to me for this. It’s just practice – like practice walking in a model’s stance.
Sighing, he muttered as he opened the door to his apartment, “Why me?”
It wasn’t intended to be heard, but hear it she did. “Well, I thought about asking Moko for help, but that seemed really… I thought I would end up wasting too much time giggling to make practicing productive. So it had to be a guy, and the only guys I know are Sawara-san, Yashiro-san, Director Ogata, and the guys on Bridge Rock. Kissing any of them would be… just weird. You were the only one that I thought it might feel natural to kiss.” She didn’t realize her cheeks flushed a bit as she said this, but she quickly amended the thought, “Because we’re both professionals – so I knew you’d take it as an acting lesson for your lowly kouhai, so it’d be okay.”
And then, she looked up at him with her wide eyes, pleading for his help, and when had he ever been able to say no to her?
Sighing again, he said, “Okay. Do you want to have dinner first?” God, that sounds like I’m propositioning her! She wants me to kiss her. Kiss her. How do I get into these situations? He felt his cheeks warm and he turned his head away from her. I just have to keep our bodies apart so she can’t tell if… when… God, get me through this night!
Oh, he’s looking away. I’ve really am a terrible bother to him all the time. “Um… I…”
With a brisk nod, he decided teasing her a bit might lighten the mood. “Well, I wouldn’t want you to be worried about it the whole time you’re cooking. So why don’t we put the groceries in the refrigerator and then start on the acting session right away?”
He called it an acting session in an attempt to lessen his nerves. It wasn’t working.
Slowly, she nodded. “Okay.”
They moved to the kitchen and put all the items away. As Kyouko placed the last item in the fridge, Ren asked, “So, how does the kiss happen?” He watched her bend over to put something on the bottom shelf, her short skirt riding up to show more of her long, long legs. He was minutes away from kissing her. Pressing his lips against her own…
“Um… Well, I’m too scared, so I’m kind of running away from him, so he pins me against a wall so he can give me a Coke – I’d given him one earlier, it’s a commercial for Coke – and then he tells me that he likes me and when I look up at him, he kisses me.” She backed out of the fridge and shut the door.
Immediately, he grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her against the icebox. He could feel heat radiating off her petite frame. How many times had he wanted to do this? And now, she was asking him to – as acting practice. It was beyond ironic. If it weren’t for the iron will he was going to need to keep himself in control, he’d think this was simply a gift from the gods. “Like this?” he whispered against her ear, and she gasped and then swallowed before gazing up at him.
“Y- yeah,” she managed to stutter out.
Those eyes, that smile. He whispered, “I love you,” and then his lips were pressed against her own.
Oh. This is… She couldn’t even complete the thought. It was the exact opposite of what she’d felt when that anteater had attacked her. Unknowingly, she sighed, opening her mouth and before she knew it, his tongue was lightly caressing her own. This was… her knees were weak and there were tingles and, unconsciously her own tongue started pressing against his own. His hands were sliding behind her back, wrapping her in an embrace. Her own wrapped around his neck, fingers stroking his back.
Kyouko. Oh, God. I… Have to… Gasping, he pulled back and schooled his face to stillness. “Na- Not bad for a first kiss.”
Oh. Right. Acting. He’s acting. He was acting like he wanted to… She smiled at him wanly. “Wh- What should… I do differently?”
This was… She kissed him back – but it was just acting. He felt himself becoming unreasonably angry. No. This isn’t fair to her. “Well… What were you thinking about when you were kissing me?” Ooh. He liked the way that sounded.
She blinked with a blank expression. “I… thinking? I…” I wasn’t thinking about anything. Except how good it felt. How warm and comfortable and… Oh! But I can’t say that! She blushed and said, “I’m so sorry, sempai. I wasn’t properly focused. I’m not really sure. But if we…” She stood up straight and proper. “I’ll pay more attention the next time! I won’t fail.”
He was caught between disbelief – what had she really been thinking? – and sly enjoyment. If he could make sure she kept getting it wrong, he’d get to keep kissing her. And if he had his way, they’d be kissing all night. “Okay. Let’s try it again. I’ll start a little more slowly this time.”
Framing her against the wall, he leaned down toward her ear. “What are you feeling right now?” his breath ghosted across her ear and she shivered.
“I… That… It’s kind of like it tickles,” she breathed, “but… it makes me just feel warm instead of wanting to laugh,” she replied honestly.
He had to fight back a groan. He pulled back a bit and captured her eyes with his own. “I don’t mean just the physical sensations. What are your emotions? Your sempai, who you’ve had a crush on,” he swallowed, berating himself for stating something that would be nothing but wishful thinking, “has pinned you against the wall. You’re trapped, Kyouko. You can feel my body heat radiating toward you.”
He leaned again to her ear. “My breath is blowing on your neck, your ear. At any second, my lips could press against you.” He blew lightly on her neck. “Have you thought about it before? What it would be like if my lips were to take yours? What it would feel like for me to brush them against your cheek, or nibble on your ear?”
A butterfly light kiss on her earlobe made her jump. “Have you thought about what will come next?”
He pulled back to see her head was leaning against the fridge, chin tilted upwards. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted. “Yes,” she breathed.
He smiled. Until she gasped and opened her eyes. “I… I mean… my character would have thought about kissing the guy she liked… right?”
He frowned. “Well, that’s your decision. It’s your character.” Damn it. Was she talking about me? Or not. He leaned closer to her. “When I lean in, are you scared I’m going to kiss you? Or scared I’m not?”
She thought for a moment, looking into his eyes. It’s not fair that his eyes can be that beautiful and clear. And they’re so dark today. “I… Yes,” she breathed, lifting her chin as if trying to make it easier for him to reach her lips.
Smirking at her body’s reaction, he inquired, “Well, which is it?” His lips had closed all but the last quarter inch.
Her eyes were clear and honest as she breathed softly, “Both.”
“I love your honesty, Kyouko.” All she’d have to do is lift her lips a hair to kiss him. But the role called for him to kiss her, so…
Oh. Oh. Yes. This felt… He was kissing her. She… her character… was being kissed by the man – boy – she liked. And in that second, everything fell into place. She’d started by respecting him. He was smart and talented – revered by everyone. And eventually, she – her character – had started noticing him more and more. It was like she wanted to spend every moment she could watching him, his beauty, his kindness. But he didn’t think of her that way. And why would he? She was just… ordinary. But because of her own kindness – giving him that soda – he sees her for the first time. And he finds something – she’s not sure what, but who’s to say about taste? – in her that makes him feel the same for her. So, he does what he can to get her attention: the same thing she had done. And then, before she can run away, he does what she’s wanted. At first, she can’t believe it – it’s too good to be true. But, as the words he’s said, and the feeling of his kiss penetrates, she gives in. It is real.
She pulled out of the kiss and beamed at him. “That was it! Thank you Tsuruga-san! I know how to play this now!”
Quickly, he shut his face to a blank. “You… do?”
She nodded. “You always help me so much. I wish I could do something more for you than just cook for you.”
He shook his head. “No. It’s nothing. Why don’t you start cooking now? I’m going to… go take a bath before dinner. It was… kind of a long day.”
Eyes widened like dinner plates. “I’m so sorry. Please. I’ll call you when it’s ready. Go relax.”
One of these days, she’s going to kill me. He limped to the bathroom, reminding himself the whole way that he’d known it was just acting lessons and that he was a fool to take her reactions personally.
XX
Within the next week, Kyouko shot the commercial. The director gave her only one NG, and praised her on her professionalism. Still, part of her was frustrated by the fact that when she looked up at the boy leaning in toward her, she had to picture Tsuruga-san’s face in order to get that same feeling she’d had during practice. It seemed somehow… like she was misusing him. But… picturing his face made kissing the young boy tolerable. And no one else noticed that the “shyness” she portrayed was actually more of distress and dismay at letting this person touch her. She was an actress. She’d have to get better at this stuff.
Well, if the need came up again, maybe Tsuruga-san would practice with her. When he’d come out of the bath, wrapped in a flannel yukata, part of her wanted to practice some more right then. But that would have been taking advantage of his kindness. And she noticed how tired and dazed he looked, so as soon as she’d served him the food, she ran out the door to “catch the last bus.” He’d just sighed and sagged back – she could see it as she gently closed the door behind herself. He’d somehow looked disappointed.
But next time, she’d make sure she didn’t do anything to disappoint him.
The following day, she was expecting him to say something, but he seemed normal – for the few minutes they had to talk. He was onscreen most of the day.
Interestingly enough, in the week since she’d learned how to kiss, that strange dream had started happening every night. Every morning, she woke up with her heart beating, feeling like she was on the verge of learning something vitally important. And when her next two grudges came back from Yuuko, the dreams started feeling more urgent. And one day, when reflecting on the dream, she remembered the kissing lessons with Tsuruga-san. But that… was inappropriate, so she refused to think about it.
Other than her weird dreams, things were going well. No one was making fun of the Love Me department anymore at LME – even Chiorin seemed to be doing better now that she had joined. The President had agreed to let her high school and acting school bill LME and make deductions to her paychecks to cover it, and since she was working so much, it really felt like there was nothing missing from her checks at all. She’d been able to buy herself a few new outfits – with Moko along to ensure that she didn’t revert to sappy, ugly clothes. And best of all, she’d run into Sho several times without even feeling anger, hatred – or anything. It made her feel kind of smug, actually.
The only sad part of it all was that Dark Moon was finished – the wrap party would be the following night. It was sad on so many levels. First, she would have to say goodbye to Mio. Well, no, Mio would always be a part of her now. But, she wouldn’t be appearing on so regular a basis. It felt like a dear friend was moving to another country. It felt like it had when Corn had left.
Second, she would have to say goodbye to the cast and crew. Working so closely together for these months, they’d become friends. Now, she wouldn’t see them as often, and she’d miss them.
It was probably for the best though. She’d really started relying too much on him – them. She needed to be self-sufficient. She couldn’t go running to Tsuruga Ren – or the director or other cast members – every time she had questions or concerns about a role. Not if she wanted to advance from extreme newbie to professional actress. There was no use sighing about the fact that there would no longer be late nights reviewing lines or cooking for…
Oh, man. But would he eat properly when she wasn’t around? That man, even though he said it was important to care for your body, he always neglected his own. Sharing rides had helped, because she made him eat on the way. But now…
Jeez! And now no more rides. It was back to the bike for her. That was sure to be a pain. Well. Feh. It would help keep her in shape. A must for an actress. Still, it did make her feel a bit at a loss. She’d come to enjoy riding with him.
Well, at least she had tonight’s ride home to look forward to. Better enjoy it while it lasted.
That thought in mind, she walked down the hall, toward his dressing room. As she neared the room, she heard Ren’s voice, shouting, “Why can’t you let it drop?!” He must have been practicing for that mystery part of his, because Ren never raised his voice like that normally. The rest was unintelligible at first, but as she got closer to the room, the words became clearer.
“Fuwa has NOTHING to do with this.”
Ren yelling the name Fuwa caught her up short and she froze in place as her grudges all placed their ears at the door. After a moment, she did as well, only to hear Yashiro’s voice conversing with Tsuruga.
“…jealous enough to react. I’m glad you’ve realized that she’s almost completely over him – I thought you were going to trip over your own jaw that day when the crew was gawking over his latest video in the break room and she didn’t even notice. But the fact remains, if you don’t tell her how you feel, she’s going to find someone else. There are plenty of guys in the world, and she’s only going to become more popular the more work she gets. And she’s getting a LOT of offers. Like that commercial I saw in editing – where she’s KISSING some young boy. I’m telling you, now that the show is over and you’re not going to see her every day, you’ve got to do something to keep her thinking about you.”
“And I’m telling you: Kyouko doesn’t – she won’t ever – see me that way. She would think I was just acting or something if I did kiss her the way I want to. She… doesn’t believe in love. She has good reason not to. Everyone she’s had around has hurt her. Her mom, Fuwa, even… Do you even wonder why I don’t tell her? It’s because I know me. I know me! I can’t tell her until I’m sure I won’t ever hurt her.
“You,” He snorted. “You don’t know who I am, who I’ve been. And when I’m with her, I can feel the old me – the person I used to be – starting to take over. She makes me feel… EVERYthing. God, I scare myself when it comes to her. When I see some other guy talking to her, I just want to lock her away. I want her so badly, I’m afraid someday I won’t be able to stop myself. When I saw Fuwa kiss her, I wanted to reach down his throat and rip his lungs out. When that damned beagle cornered her, I wanted to snap his scrawny neck for scaring her. When it comes to Kyouko, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do.”
“YES!” Yoshiro crowed. “That’s it. What girl wouldn’t swoon if a guy told her that!”
A loud thwack – like a palm smacking a table – resounded clearly. “NO! You don’t get it. You think these are words, empty words. But I’m talking about reality. Do you really think Kyouko would want me to actually hurt Fuwa Sho? Even back when she was a girl, when her mother was abusing her and that piece of shit was already ordering her around with no regard for her feelings, she was strong and independent – and honorable. She’d take things on herself, hide in the woods and cry, blaming herself, rather than worry that jerk with her tears. And I can’t… Every time I don’t consciously stop myself, all I think about is the way she feels in my arms, her lips, the way she smells, her eyes looking at me with such trust and I just want to… If I let go of my control, let myself fully feel all I feel for her, I might really… break her.”
“But… you’d never…”
“Are you sure about that? You don’t know the real me, who I really am. You don’t know what kind of life I’ve led. You just focus on the sweetness of romance – as if it were a movie or a manga. Like all I need to do is create a romantic atmosphere, look into her eyes and say, ‘Mogami Kyouko, I’m in love with you, I can’t imagine my life without you anymore,’ and everything will work out like roses and chocolates. But it will never work out that way. It’s just not possible for someone like me.
“Don’t you see? I’d rather have Kyouko safe as my friend than hurt her. I’d even settle for her thinking we’re just kouhei and sempai if it means I get to keep her by my side and happy. I love her. I’ll do anything I can to support her. My feelings aren’t important if they’ll hurt her. So, please. From now on. Just drop it. Okay?”
Dazed, Kyouko sagged against the door. Her bag landed against it with a thump, but she was too distracted to notice. Had she really just heard? Could she be mistaken?
Tsuruga Ren loved… her?!
She heard in her head the voice saying, “I’ll do anything I can to support her. My feelings aren’t important.” How many times had she thought the same kind of thing about Sho?
What did any of that even mean? He loves me? But love was just devastation. Pain. Loneliness.
Her heart thumped, and she felt that tingle in her belly like the night he’d prepared her for the commercial. He’d leaned over her. His breath in her hair.
But. If he loved her, then everything… all the times they spent together would be destined to become laced with pain. …Weren’t they?
The door opened and Yashiro stared at her, as she leaned in a daze against the door.
“Ah, Mogami-san. We’re almost done here and ready to go.”
His voice startled her out of her ruminations and she stared at him with wide eyes. “Yashiro-san! I… I…” Ren’s head appeared over his manager’s shoulder and she paled. Why did he look like Corn so much right now? He was in love with her? She couldn’t… she just couldn’t…“I gotta go!” She turned and ran, not noticing that one of her grudges stayed behind, hovering around the handsome actor.
“Wait! We’ll give you a ride!” Yashiro called, but she had already fled.
Ren ran into the hall, calling after her. “Kyouko!” The grudge settled itself on his shoulder, as if it were planning to camp there for a while.
“Hm. Do you think she heard us?” Yashiro asked, risking death at the hands of the Emperor of Night by stating the obvious yet again.
XX