Skip Beat! Fan Fiction ❯ Skipholic ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
Title: Skipholic
Fandom: Skip Beat, with some xxxHolic xover
Pairing: Kyouko/Ren
Rating: T
Length: 6 chapters.
Summary: Karma has always been better at extracting revenge than humans.
 
DISC: I do not own Skip Beat or any of the characters. These belong to Nakamura Yoshiki and were originally published in Hana to Yume, and licensed through Viz Media in North America.
I also do not own xxxHolic or any of the characters. These belong to Clamp – those crazy mangaka who make us all practically faint for the shonen-ai and then YANK it out from under us. Clamp, if I can have one request, it’s to give us some DouWata love by the end of this series! PLEASE!




Chapter 5


Chicken suit in place, Kyouko had to reach deep inside herself to find the energy to portray Bo today. She felt like she’d split herself into two people. One person was jumping and dancing and interacting with the crowd in the audience, but another part of herself was in a corner of her mind reviewing what she’d heard and dreamt over and over again. When she wasn’t on stage, Kyouko walked around almost unseeing, nearly walking into walls, doors, and other props. Her thoughts were just too heavy today.

Tsuruga Ren said he loved me. What is love, anyway? I thought I knew – with Sho. But if that’s love, I want no part of it.

So why do so many people speak of love all glowy and reverent? Maybe… maybe I never… Could what I had with Sho have not been love? He never made me feel like… those kisses, the way Ren touched me … I should have been repulsed. Like I was when it was Sho. But…

Does that mean… I… Do I want to kiss him? Corn. Ren.

“Wow. She’s kind of out of it today,” Hikaru (one of the Bridge hosts) said softly.

Nodding, Yuusei (another Bridge host) responded, “Makes me kind of glad that we did book Fuwa Sho as our guest today. If anything will snap her out of her funk, it’ll be him.”

Grimacing, Shinichi (the third Bridge host) sighed, “Oh, god. Not him again. I don’t care if he HAS had the number one spot on the music scene for 5 months straight. She’s gonna tear down the whole set.”

Yuusei replied with an evil grin, “This is gonna be fun.”

Fuwa came onto the set and Bo danced around, graciously introducing him to the Bridge hosts. But before he sat for his interview, he turned to the giant chicken and said, right in front of the camera, “What? No challenges for me today?”

Bo merely shrugged and gestured him to his seat. All four males on the set had confused looks on their faces.

I wonder… Does he feel that way about me as Ren or Corn. Well, it doesn’t really matter, does it. Corn isn’t really a fairy prince, is he? So even if I did kiss him, it wouldn’t be like that made me Cinderella or some princess or anything, right?

Oh, I don’t know. Isn’t it close enough? I mean, he’s perfect – the number 1 actor in Japan. He’s totally above me. He’s so perfect and… I could never be good enough.

The entire interview, Fuwa Sho seemed determined to get the chicken riled this time, instead of the other way around. He commented about how chickens are pretty much useless animals, made a comment about actors being dull and uninteresting, and stated that after five months on the charts, he was pretty invincible – those who thought to displace him were probably sad, lonely people who couldn’t get a date.

And yet, Bo didn’t rise to the bait. Once the first part of the show was over, the chicken strode off the set, calling an absent-minded “be back in 10” to the hosts and walking past Fuwa Sho without saying a word.

Except that… Tsuruga Ren never acts as if he thinks he’s above me. Well, except for when I really screw up…

But I still don’t understand why… I mean, even if he is Corn… even if he thought he could never tell me that he’s Kuon… Is that it? Is he afraid I’d tell someone?

If that’s it, I’m going to have to get angry. I would never – NEVER – betray his trust.

But it didn’t feel like that was it. It was more like he felt he was a bad person. How crazy is that? The son of Hizuri Kuu – a bad person? Tsuruga Ren a bad person? It’s nonsensical.

The hosts watched as Fuwa-san’s expression grew furious, they could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. He stormed off the set, following her and pushed the giant chicken up against the wall next to the changing room, then pulled her chicken head off.

“What the hell are you doing, ignoring me – the GUEST on this show!?” he screamed at her.

She pulled the head out of his hands, barely looking at him. “Listen, Sho, could you just leave me alone? I’ve got *important* things to think about – I don’t have time to deal with you today.” With that, she shrugged out of his grasp and walked down the hall toward the prop room to get things they’d need for the next show segment, leaving a gaping Sho behind.

As she slipped out of the room, all three hosts began to laugh.

“See if I ever do this show again!” Sho exclaimed as he stormed to his dressing room.

At the other end of the hallway, a pair of eyes watched the whole scene with rising excitement.


XX

Yoshiro was practically bouncing up and down. “You should have seen it. She completely ignored him! I’m telling you, Sho was furious and Kyouko couldn’t have cared less. It was amazing.”

Shaking his head and maintaining his stoic façade, Ren replied, “It’s only because I’ve upset her. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It doesn’t mean anything?!”

Shaking his head, “When something bothers her to this extent, it takes over.”

“But that means that YOU are number one in her mind right now!”

Ren just shrugged.

In his mind he pictured Kyouko coming up to him, her grudge auras swirling and oppressive. “You dare to think you love me? You? You are lower than scum! You hurt everyone you touch. I will defeat you and make you pay!” The imaginary Kyouko laughed evilly, and yet somehow managed to look more beautiful than he’d ever seen her before.

“But I…” he whispered, but she just pointed at him.

“There can be no forgiving of this betrayal. It’s because of you that I will never meet Corn again!” The grudges swarmed, each attacking him with grey punches of depression as he turned and walked away, understanding full well that he’d never see the brilliant light of the sun ever again.

He sighed. Now he was indulging in Kyouko-like fantasies. He was so far gone. There really wasn’t any way out. It was bad enough when she didn’t know how he felt. But to know it, and feel so oppressed… He was truly the worst. The little grudge on his shoulder shook its head and tried to comfort him.

The manager sighed, then decided to try a different tactic. “Well what are you going to do about tonight?”

“Tonight?”

“You’re supposed to give her a ride to the wrap party tonight.”

Oh, crap. “Would you mind calling her and telling her I got held up at my latest job – that you’re going to bring her in place of me and I’ll just meet you there?”

Shaking his head, Yoshiro muttered, “Chicken.”

Ren stood up straight. “What did you just say?”

“I said, ‘Sure, I’m on it.’”

“No,” the grudge whispered, smiling. “He said, ‘Chicken.’” Chicken…

“I… I’ll be back in just a bit.”


XX


He ran down the hallway to where he’d first met his chicken friend, and sure enough, the bird was sitting on the bench, head hanging.

“Hey, buddy. You okay?” Ren asked.

The chicken jumped and clucked a little “Eeep!”

Chuckling, Ren said, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you. I… I actually came here hoping to see you.”

One wing fluttered over the chicken’s breast as it replied, “You… You did?” Then the tone became slyer. “Why?”

With a wry expression, he responded, “Because… because I think I messed up something really important and you’ve always been helpful to me, every time we’ve met. I thought maybe you’d be willing to listen again.”

The chicken sat up straight. “Oh. Well… O… kay.”

Heaving a sigh of relief, Ren said, “Thank you.”

“So… what’s bugging you today?”

At this, the actor became quiet. He sat really still as he considered. Just when Bo was about to ask another question, though, his baritone voice rang out, “I… I’m in love with this girl – the one I was telling you about. But besides the fact that she’s still in high school… I… I knew her before. Back when we were kids. But she hasn’t recognized me. And I never told her who I was.

“See, I did a lot of bad things between then and now, and I was trying so hard to be a better person. I changed my identity before I became an actor, to get away from all I’d done and remake myself.”

The chicken nodded and said, “Oh, so you couldn’t tell her because you didn’t trust her.”

“No! That’s not it. Well… At first, I didn’t know how she’d react, that’s true, but I couldn’t let anyone know. It was a promise I’d made to myself – to be only this new person until I was good enough – worthy – of going back home to my parents. How could I look at her if I wasn’t honorable enough to keep that vow.

“Besides, I didn’t want my past to hurt her. She always thought I was… special. If she knew all the bad things I’d done, it would ruin her belief in things that are good. She always loved princesses and fairy tale endings. I wanted her to believe that past me was still good – still her prince.”

“You mean, you kept it a secret because you liked her thinking well of you – even if she didn’t know it was you.” The chicken was candid as always.

“I…” Ren sighed. “Probably. You’re probably right. Selfish of me, huh? I should have told her from the start.”

“Probably,” the chicken agreed. “But… now that you’re figured it out, can’t you just talk to her about it?”

Putting his head in his hands, Japan’s #1 actor replied, “That’s the problem. I can’t. First, she asked me to help her practice kissing for a commercial she got cast in. And… I took advantage. I was supposed to be acting, but all I wanted to do was kiss her. I think I was hoping that,” he laughed self-deprecatingly, “my kiss would wake the sleeping princess and she’d fall for me. But deep down, I knew she wouldn’t. I… Just really wanted to kiss her.”

The chicken tilted its head and said nothing for a few minutes. Finally, it started and said, “Did… she seem to mind?”

Again with the deprecatory laugh. “She didn’t even notice how much holding her undid me. I don’t think she would have ever realized, except…” He sighed. “She overheard me talking about this with my manager. She heard me say that I’m in love with her. And I’m sure that she’s never going to want to see me again.”

Again, Bo had to act. “Why would you think that? Doesn’t every girl want to be loved?”

“Not this girl. She’s strong and independent and she got hurt before. Now, she doesn’t trust love. I knew that. That’s why I planned to never say anything. I was just going to… be near her. It’s better than being without her. I made that mistake in kissing her, but I hadn’t planned to repeat it. I would protect her. But… she heard. And add to that the fact that I didn’t tell her who I am…She probably won’t ever want to see me again.”

The chicken stood and paced the hall. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but… I have to ask. Would you really be satisfied with just being her friend? With never holding her in your arms, whispering in her ear? Feeling her shiver as you breathed on her neck? Wouldn’t you eventually get tired of waiting and find some other girl? I mean, come on. You’re the number one most desired man in Japan.”

“But she’s the only one that *I* desire. All I have to do is see her and I can’t help wanting to smile. Being by her side is the most fun I’ve had in my entire life. Even when she’s pissing me off – and she pisses me off all the time! – I still would rather be by her side than anyplace else in the world.

“I’m not saying that it’s not torture. Every time she smiles at me, it takes every ounce of self-control to keep from kissing her senseless, taking her to my bed and never letting her leave again. I want to possess her, and I hate myself for that. It’s more than just wanting to touch her, to make her mine. I want to keep her from everyone else. And she’s so giving, that type of desire would be torture to her.

“God, but I crave her. I have to fight thinking about embracing her every minute of every day – whether we’re together or apart.

“Yet… if it will keep her by my side, it’d be a torture worth enduring.”

The chicken stood stock still. Then shook its head. Clearing its throat, it said, “Why don’t… you tell her that?”

A sorry smile on his face, he responded, “Because I’m scared. She hates love. I just… don’t want to never see her again. And I’m afraid it’s too late to fix things.” The grudge flew off his shoulder and flew over to fly around Bo’s head. The other nine welcomed it, and they started whispering softly as they hovered around the costumed mascot.

The chicken started pacing again. “Maybe… maybe she doesn’t hate love. Maybe she’s just confused about what love is. She got hurt by that jerk, right? Well, maybe she never really loved him at all – maybe her anger was just at how he used her. Because he was supposed to care about her, but didn’t – and ended up making her feel worthless and stupid when for so long she thought he was supposed to be the one to save her.”

“Well,” Ren started, but the chicken just kept right on going.

“Or maybe the one she loved who really hurt her, worse than Shoutarou ever could, was someone else – someone who left her way before that. Who she couldn’t hate when he left because she understood he was just trying to fly free. And maybe she loved that person so much that she kept the one thing he ever gave her as her most precious treasure, pouring all her sadness into it. Maybe she’s been secretly hoping that someday he’d show up again – this time with wings. And maybe he’d fly her away to a better place.”

Wide-eyed, blinking, he opened his mouth, “You… Who are-”

“THERE you are!” the yell down the hall made them both jump. “Jeez! We’re on a live show, you know. You’ve only got about 30 seconds to get your butt on set, Mogami. Now move!”

The manager followed her as she sprinted down the hall.

“Mogami,” Ren breathed as his knees gave out and he fell onto the bench. “Mogami. Oh, god. Of course.” He started to laugh. “Of course. Mogami. Who else?”


XX