Slam Dunk Fan Fiction ❯ High School Never Ends ❯ Lay The Blame On Luck ( Chapter 4 )

A/N: Final chapter. You may not like the way it ends. It had to end somewhere though! This is a bit longer than the other chapters. Hope everyone likes!

Part 4: Lay The Blame On Luck

"Ahh..ahh…ohh….Goddd…."

"Mm, Hana, I love hearing you…"

"Uhhhh…oh shit…AHHH! KAEDE!"

"Hana-ahhh…."

With a sigh, Hanamichi let his head drop back onto Rukawa's shoulder. He panted and tried to still himself on the other man's lap. He turned his head awkwardly to kiss the man behind him. The man who was sitting on the bed with Sakuragi's back to him. "Oh God, you're amazing," he sighed as he struggled to pull himself off of his lover's shaft.

As they flopped onto the bed, Rukawa ran his hand absently over the other man's stomach. "I have a question. Are you always the one who…um…plays this particular role?"

"You mean uke? The bottom? No…not always."

"Oh. Well…"

"It kind of depends on a lot of things, you know? On the mood, on the other person, the situation…" Sakuragi mused, closing his eyes.

"Well…do you want us to…uh…switch places? Why have you decided to stick to this position with me?"

Hanamichi frowned and looked at Rukawa, only to frown more at the somewhat…worried? look on his face. "Well, you'd never done this before, right? With a guy? Seems like it would be a bit much for your first time. Kind of like being thrown in the deep end of the pool."

"Oh. Well…" Rukawa was silent for a few moments. "Well…can we try it?"

Sakuragi's eyes went wide. "Are you serious? Like…now? Oi, it's almost 4 in the morning, and we just did it twice! And aside from that…I mean…are you sure about this? I don't want to hurt you. And I don't want you to regret any of this."

"Hana, I am leaving in 8 hours. I don't particularly want to sleep." At this, Hanamichi gave a disbelieving snort.

Rukawa rolled his eyes and waved a dismissive hand. "Look, I don't know what would happen to us after tomorrow, or today or whatever, but…if this is all we have, I don't want to regret not doing as much as I can with you." He looked at their now-joined hands and dropped his voice to a near-whisper.

"I don't want this to be the end. I don't understand what's going on…but I know I never hated you. You should know that by now too. I thought you were crazy at first…well, ok I always thought that…but I grew to respect you and even kind of be amused by you. And now…it's just…I never realized what an amazing person you are. And I am starting to realize that even in high school, we kind of gravitated together. It's so different now…you're so sweet to me now…"

When Rukawa trailed off, Hanamichi buried his face in his chest. "Kaede…I…I love you," he whispered. He heard the other man gasp at this, and refused to raise his head to see the reaction.

But Rukawa pulled his head up to look at him. "I think you're right. I think that's what this is. I love you. That's shockingly easy to say. I really think I do. I love you, Hana."

Sakuragi sighed and wrapped his arms around the other man tightly. "Hana…let's do this. I want you to do me, before we have to say good-bye."

"Hey! Just remember this. As long as you want me to be in your life, we'll say 'Ja ne,' not 'sayonara.'"

Rukawa smiled. "Okay. Now I'm serious. Go get a Red Bull or something if you're tired. You're not going to sleep now."

Twenty minutes later, each man had finished an energy drink and they were back in bed with Sakuragi's hip-hop and R&B play list coming from the computer's speakers. Rukawa sighed and inched his eyes open. The way Hanamichi was sliding his hands over him and kissing his torso was actually rather relaxing at this point.

After another ten minutes of just touching and calming his now-relaxed lover, Sakuragi leaned down to lick tenderly at the other man's growing erection. Rukawa sucked in a breath and Sakuragi could feel a sudden hardening against his tongue. For long moments, he just licked gently while drenching his fingers in the nearby raspberry flavored lube. He considered whether to warn Rukawa of his next movements. He wasn't sure whether it would be more stressful for him to be surprised or for him to anxiously anticipate the coming penetration.

He decided to ease into it by teasing a finger over his balls and perineum rather than going straight for the kill. Rukawa tensed up a bit but Sakuragi tried to distract him by sucking gently at the tip of his erection.

He glopped even more lube onto his fingers and gently spread it over the tight entrance. Then he slowly poked one finger into the opening. He tried to be careful but soon saw there was no way to gradually do it. With a long lick to the organ still near his mouth, he pushed a bit more forcefully.

"Ahh-" Rukawa whimpered. Hanamichi slowly pushed farther, until half his long finger was inside.

It's so tight…Sakuragi sighed inwardly. I don't know how this will work.

After a few minutes, Rukawa seemed to relax again. Seeing this, Hanamichi removed his finger and soaked a second one with lube. Again, he distracted his lover with his mouth while prodding at his entrance with two fingers. After a few minutes, he removed the two fingers and prepared three.

"Uh, Hana, do you think that's…do I need that much?"

"Baby, are you sure about this? Does it hurt too much? I'm serious, you have to tell me if it hurts too much. It won't feel good for you if you can only think about the pain." Hanamichi bit his lip and showed the other man his three fingers. "We have to do this if I'm to not hurt you."

With a sigh Rukawa nodded. He was a bit startled when Sakuragi's head went down between his legs ahead of his fingers. "Ah! Oh…God," he murmured upon feeling a wet tongue where fingers had been moments ago. He closed his eyes and melted into it. After a few moments he realized how good it really felt.

"Uhn…mm, Hana, you really like doing that, huh?" Rukawa murmured. The other man moaned as he lapped hungrily at the small opening. He switched tactics all the while, scratching his teeth along the edges, teasingly probing the hole before plunging his tongue in again.

Rukawa could only moan and squirm. How could this possibly feel so good? Hanamichi enjoyed himself in a way Rukawa never could while doing similar things to a girl.

"God Hana, that feels so fucking good…uhhh….God you're hot…I can't…ahh…I can't believe you're fucking me with your tongue…shimatta it feels so good!" Rukawa whimpered. Fuck worrying about how sick this might be…how could it be sick if it feels like this?

Hanamichi pulled his mouth away, panting. Something about this man made him absolutely insane. "God, Kae-chan, I could make a fucking meal out of you," he panted before crushing his lips to the other man's.

"Come on," Rukawa panted, impatient thanks to Hanamichi's previous treatment. He grabbed Hanamichi's hand and pulled it toward his opening.

Sakuragi gently pulled away to re-coat his fingers in lube. He wasn't out of control enough to disregard the entire purpose of all this preparation. He wiggled three fingers into the somewhat more relaxed hole and tried to spread them out.

"Ahh…" Rukawa grunted in pain. He opened his eyes and looked up at his lover, panting. "Let's do it," he murmured.

Hanamichi sighed. "I'm sorry baby, but I don't know if I am going to be able to last long. You should take that as a compliment though," he smiled encouragingly, as he slipped a condom and a ton of lube onto himself. "I'm gonna try something, and I hope it won't be too hard on you…"

Rukawa gave him a confused look and then shrugged. "I trust you."

Sakuragi bit his lip. "Are you really sure about this? I am going to do the best I can to make you feel good. But it's still going to hurt. I swear I am not trying to talk you out of it. I just want you to know what to expect. I was in pain the first three times I did it. But…I hope I am doing a better job than the guy I was with."

"You will. Please. I'm ready."

Sakuragi pulled Rukawa's legs up so that his knees were pointing up and his feet were on the bed's surface. It would be easier if he opened him up as much as possible. With a sigh, he placed his hands on the bed under Rukawa's arms and pressed in. He moved slowly until he was almost all the way in.

"Kaede, baby, breathe," he whispered. "That won't help. Breathe."

When Rukawa let go of the breath he was holding, it came out in a pained moan. Sakuragi sighed and bit his lip. It was so tight…and he couldn't stop there. Not if it was supposed to get better. He took a deep breath and pushed a little harder.

"Ahh!" Rukawa whimpered. "Shit…" He breathed deeply for a few moments while Sakuragi watched him. Hanamichi moved a hand to grasp Rukawa's flagging erection. "Don't you dare stop," Rukawa panted.

Sakuragi steeled himself and began thrusting slowly. Rukawa squeezed his eyes shut and dug his fingers into the other man's shoulders.

"Baby…" Hanamichi panted. "I'm too close. I'm about to move you…" With that, he grabbed the other man's hips and pulled them up. I should be in the right spot…

Suddenly Rukawa's eyes snapped open and he screamed "OH GOD! HANA!" The sudden explosion of his climax shook his whole body.

Not ten seconds later, Hanamichi yelled, "OHSHITGODKAEDE! UHHH!" He thrust inside harder than he'd meant to as he came, making Rukawa cry out as well.

Sakuragi slumped over Rukawa's body, still attached and still moaning. Eventually, he was able to move and pull out. After throwing away the condom, he moved to lay next to Rukawa, who had not moved. "You okay?" A nod. "Are you in pain?"

"Uh-huh," he murmured in a daze. Hanamichi bit his lip. "But it was good." Sakuragi smiled when Rukawa looked up at him. "I love you, Hana-chan."

Thirty seconds later, he was asleep.

"WHAT TIME IS IT?" Rukawa yelled in a panic from the bed. Sakuragi ran back into the room to calm him.

"It's 10:30. Take a shower, you've got time."

"I can't believe I fell asleep! Did you sleep, Hana?"

"A little," he lied. "Go take a shower, I'm making some rice."

Sakuragi sighed as he tended to the food. He was so tired. Rukawa had actually only slept for a few hours. Sakuragi had spent much of that time trying to sleep and just watching the other man. For awhile he'd played some internet games and watched TV. He was thinking too much.

"Hey. I want to give you this CD. This is one of my favorite bands from the US. They're called Brand New."

Hanamichi glanced at the other man as he slid a CD into the car's stereo. A slow, acoustic rock song started. Ten seconds into the song and it was already depressing the driver.

Well i talk
Too much
To myself
And i turn my back on my faith
It's like glass
When we Break
I wish no one in my place

Hanamichi glanced at Rukawa again. He was slumped against the door and staring out the window, but he was singing along very softly. Sakuragi couldn't quite catch all the English words, but parts of it filtered into his mind.

and i've seen
you don't need their seeds
when their dirt goes in deep
and i'm lost in sleep

i can't stay
in this place
i can't stand
when the room turns round
on my fate
you give no guarantees
there's no promise
i can keep

That bit hit quite close to home. No guarantees, no promises, there was some serious thinking to be done. What awful timing…

i can't stand
i can't see my way
i feel blind
on my feet

Rukawa finally looked back at his newfound lover and sang very softly to him, "I can't stay too long…am I wrong?"

Sakuragi sighed and reached across to grip Rukawa's hand. He laced their fingers together and held onto his hand as he drove.

goodbye, lay the blame on luck
goodbye, lay the blame on luck
goodbye, lay the blame on luck
goodbye, lay the blame on luck
goodbye, lay the blame on luck
goodbye, lay the blame on luck

Sakuragi very nearly started crying. Yes, blame his own bad luck. Rukawa had a life without him. He was an intruder, trying to insert himself back into the other man's life when there was no room for him. Hanamichi had tried to tell himself he could deal with it. He didn't need a relationship with this man. Besides…he had no right to ask anything of Rukawa. Who was he, after 3 days of sex and talk? And don't forget three years of caring about each other even if it was buried so deep no one could see it. And seven years of thinking about him…dammit.

i'm so tired
of my mood
and sleep comes
with a knife, fork and a spoon
you're so pale
in your face
you let life
get in your way

All too soon, entirely too soon, the airport loomed ahead. Sakuragi slowed his driving, not sure where to go. He looked sadly at Rukawa, who had tears glittering in his deep cerulean eyes. "Do you want me to come wait with you?"

Rukawa cocked his head and looked at his watch. He sighed, "I'm running late. I only have half an hour. I think I'm gonna need to haul ass."

"Well then come here." Hanamichi pulled the other man into a tight hug, burying his face in his shoulder. Don't cry, don't cry, he'll feel guilty…and he has no reason to feel guilty.

"God, should I be doing this?" Rukawa whispered. Sakuragi stifled a whimper and pulled back to look into the other's face, holding him by his shoulders.

"You have to. We've talked about this too much already. You've worked so long and hard for this. This is half your life here. This is for you. You earned it. You have a life there."

"But…"

"Stop. Please. Don't say anymore. Because if you keep talking like this I might just leave now. With you in the car."

Rukawa chuckled softly. "I was so lucky, you know that? For about two days, I could pretend I had everything. This past year has been like a dream. Finally getting this chance in the US…and then, I found what was missing, ne? I found someone to love. On the other side of the world. And maybe it's wrong. It's not fair to either of us, is it? What if this never happened? What if…I just didn't know? Would it be better not to know? I was lonely before, but I think…I'm going to be even lonelier now. Dammit, why do I have to choose?"

"I…I don't know if you do. Maybe I'm helping you choose, ne? Shit, don't let me cry, okay? God, I wish…I want to go with you."

"What?" At this Rukawa's eyes went wide and hopeful. For about 2 seconds, before he latched onto the even sadder gleam that came to Hanamichi's eyes.

"But…but…I can't decide that now. I can't. You have to live your life. And I need to see if I can live my life like it was before. It's like we already said. We'll email each other every day, and later we can sort out a phone schedule. You have to email me all those pictures, ok? All of them."

Rukawa smiled faintly. "Hentai. Come here." He pulled Sakuragi next to him and flashed his digital camera at their sad smiles. "I'll probably delete this one…I should just keep the happy ones."

and i've seen
you don't need their seeds
when their dirt goes in deep
and i'm lost in sleep
am i wrong?

Sakuragi ran a hand through the other man's hair. "This is the only thing we can do for now," Hanamichi whispered, holding Rukawa's face in his hands. By now the other man was through with fighting the tears. They slid silently down his face.

"I have to go. Fuck."

"Okay," Sakuragi murmured, giving Rukawa a soft kiss. The other man sighed and absorbed all the love and warmth he felt in those soft lips. Yet again, Sakuragi was amazed at the broad range of emotions they shared. Every simple kiss so fragile, yet when they were alone and the kisses were but a starting point…there was too much. Too much there to be delved through in-

"Three fucking days," Rukawa muttered, seeming to echo Sakuragi's thoughts. Hanamichi wasn't sure what to make of this so he let it slide.

"Listen," Sakuragi whispered. "I want you to know I mean it. I didn't just say it because I was having the time of my life with you last night. I love what you do to me…I love how you make me feel…and that's in every way possible. I love you, Kaede. I really do. You have to remember that." Rukawa looked up with the most pitiful look in his eyes.

"I love you," he murmured in English. "Ai shiteru, Hana-chan." Hanamichi smiled. For now it seemed the man of few words that he'd known in high school had returned. It was fine, though, it got the point across.

goodbye, lay the blame on luck

Sakuragi watched sadly as Rukawa grabbed his suitcase from the back seat and walked briskly toward the terminal with his head down. Perhaps to prevent anyone noticing his distress? Finally he glanced back and tried to smile before dashing into the airport.

For a good ten minutes, Sakuragi sat at the curb in his car, willing himself not to freak out and have a nervous breakdown, or leave his car to whatever fate and chase the other man down, dragging him back to his house. He jumped when his cell phone rang. Looking at his watch, he realized he'd been sitting there staring blankly for almost 20 minutes.

"Hey."

"Hey," came Rukawa's soft voice. "I'm on the plane." Dammit. "They're about to make me turn my phone off so I just wanted to call and say…I don't know. I love you. I'm gonna miss you. I do miss you."

Finally Sakuragi gave in to tears. He sighed and started to pull away from the curb. He might as well admit defeat. Rukawa was leaving. "I miss you," he whispered so feebly that on the other end of the line, Rukawa had to choke back fresh tears.

"Goddammit. I have to go. I'll call you when I land. I'm so sor-"

"Stop it. I love you. Good luck."

"Love you." That was the last of the call. Sakuragi stared at a green light for a good 20 seconds before registering the honking horn behind him. With a sigh he switched his phone to speakerphone and hit the number 2 speed-dial.

"Moshi moshi."

"Aya?"

"Hey, Hanamichi? Is that you, sweetie?"

A sigh. "Yeah. He's on the plane. I just left the airport." Ayako sighed sympathetically. "Aya-chan…I'm too young and healthy to have a heart attack right?"

She chuckled. "I'd say yes, honey."

"I swear to God I'm having chest pains. It hurts."

"I know it does, honey. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Wanna come over? I'll make the mean gori say yes."

"I just wanna go home. Just…needed to hear a friendly voice."

After hanging up with Ayako and finding his way home, Sakuragi glanced into his bedroom. He needed sleep badly. He furrowed his brow and sighed when he saw the bed still a mess and his clothes all over the floor. They looked kind of lonely. The whole room even smelled like…

Natsukashii kitsune…what did you do to me?

Shaking his head, he made his way to the couch and turned on the TV. He stared mindlessly at one basketball game or another until he passed out from sheer exhaustion.