Slam Dunk Fan Fiction ❯ Loving Koshino ❯ Cutting to the Chase ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimers: I don't own Slam Dunk. I am not making money out of this, so please don't sue. No copyright infringement intended. Original part of the fiction is the property and is copyrighted to the author.

Warnings: bad language, angst, WAFF

Thank God I finally finished this part! *falls over* I'm making up for chapter seven, so I hope that the WAFF here is sufficient. Thank you for reading this fic, and for being very patient with me. I'm not the best person in updating, but I'm really trying! I hope you enjoy this, minna-san!

Loving Koshino
from Kokoro no Kigen (Temper of Heart) Arc
by AJ Maxwell

Chapter Eight: Cutting to the Chase

Due to the events of the past day and the past night, Koshino barely slept. Instead, he stayed up to watch television, sitting on the same couch that Mitsui had just sat on that night. He didn't really watch for the sake of watching; he hoped that he could doze off at least, maybe catch a couple of hours' sleep. He fell asleep at past four. His internal clock, ever unrelenting, had him up and wide awake at exactly six in the morning.

Feeling too awful to even curse his luck, he called room service and ordered for breakfast. He thought that Sendoh would definitely be hungry upon waking up.

He went back to his room. He got out his towel, and went to the bathroom shortly after.

Upon finishing his morning rituals, he turned on his mobile phone to leave a voice message for Jin about sending pending work through e-mail, when it suddenly beeped, signaling a new text message.

It was from Sakuragi. Oi Kosh. Me n Mitchy and Fujima won't be in the office today. Don't worry there's no problem. The business emergency's bogus. Ja ne.

Koshino blinked. He reread the words again, willing the message to make sense, but it still meant the same as how he read it. "What did he mean, 'bogus'?" he muttered. "What the hell...?"

Dialing the redhead's number, he paced the room until the phone was answered.

"Sakuragi, explain."

"As I told ya, boss," Sakuragi slurred, sounding both sleepy and quite drunk. "Me and the boys aren't goin' ta work today, 'coz there's really nuthin' ta work on. The data of the fake emergency's from one of the archives, way before Fujima's time. I s'gest you take a break, Kosh--"

"Give me Fujima," Koshino grated, trying to calm his nerves by pulling at his hair. "Is he there?"

"Jus' a sec..."

There was some shuffling heard from the other line, and some dismayed groans coming from two other people. There was thudding of heavy furniture, followed by the unmistakable sound of a hand trying to grip the mobile phone. "Hallo~..." Fujima greeted, his voice breathy and a bit sing-song-y.

"Kenji," he bit out, his voice shaky and strained. "What's all this rubbish about the business emergency being fake?! Are you trying to make me have a heart attack here?!"

"No, no... Hiro don't be angry," Fujima said soothingly at the other end, still sounding out of it. "Calm down, o~kay? We all encounter bumps on the road. So just let go of your inner troubles and--"

"Kenji! Business emergency! Fake! Explain! NOW!"

There was silence for a short while, except for the faint sound of Fujima breathing. Finally, just as Koshino thought his brain would burst, Fujima replied, "I'm not in the best condition to explain that right now. Ask your father, or if you'd better not call overseas, ask Sendoh."

"S-Sendoh?!" His eyes bugged out. "B-but--"

"Bai-bai!" Fujima greeted cheerfully, like a chibi shoujo manga character, then promptly disconnected the line.

±

Sendoh opened his eyes. The curtains were drawn, and the only thing that provided the room with illumination was the lone streak of sunshine that escaped through the side of one curtain. It was hardly enough for him to guess what time it was, so he fumbled around for his mobile phone to check the time.

It was already nine in the morning.

He frowned at this. Yes, he usually had the tendency to wake up late, but his Hiro-kun's always been there to make sure he was up and running at a decent time for work. Why didn't he wake me up? Is it because he thinks I'm ill?

He was just about to go to the bathroom, to try and get his wits back from his drug-induced sleep, when the door opened.

It was his Hiro-kun, and he did not look at all pleased.

±

All throughout breakfast, Koshino remained silent, wordlessly sipping his cup of coffee. Sendoh, meanwhile, ate with gusto and devoured most of the food that Koshino ordered. He was getting rather perturbed at his Hiro-kun's quietness, but he figured that it was caused by his argument with Mitsui the past night, and thus, did not directly concern him.

Just a few more minutes, Hiro-kun. Let me finish eating first, and then I'll talk to you about that.

When he got to the point of sucking on the utensils, Koshino cleared his throat, and looked at Sendoh sharply. "I suggest you let the poor fork alone, Sendoh."

Sendoh grinned, already gaining back his good spirits from the hearty breakfast. He burped, but not loudly.

Koshino fought to roll his eyes at the poster child for happy-go-lucky in front of him. "Are you quite done? We have something important to discuss."

Sendoh looked at him innocently, wiping at the corners of his mouth with a linen napkin. "Right now?"

"What better time than now?"

He shrugged. "Okay. Shoot."

"I just called otousan earlier. Seems there's something about...the matter of the fabricated business emergency that urged me to leave for Hong Kong with you."

Sendoh smiled one of his wide smiles. "Really? How is Uncle Akira? I haven't heard from him all the while, and how is my father? Did he say anything?"

Koshino's eyes narrowed, his lips pursed. "Sendoh. Do you know anything about it?"

Blue eyes blinked slowly, feigning innocence. "...About what? Can you repeat that again?"

"Sendoh..." Koshino growled.

"Ah! Err..." He tapped his right foot, looking nervously at the other man before him. "How much do you know first?"

"Everything," was the ready answer.

He gulped. "Everything?"

"Don't make me repeat myself."

"Oh. Well...okay." He scratched his chin, absently noting that he needed to shave. "Yeah, I know about it. Uncle Akira told me. Anything else?"

Koshino crossed his legs and slowly leaned back onto the loveseat. Despite the relaxed pose, he still looked tense and ready to pounce. "Why did you ask my father to do that?"

Sendoh let out a breath. Game over. Better to look serious for this, or else he'll never really believe me. He stood up, and walked over to the couch where Koshino sat. Before the other man could protest, Sendoh was already sitting beside him.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Koshino cried out. "Go back to your seat, and we'll talk about this like decent people!"

He forced a chuckle down, and said, "What's indecent about this, Hiro-kun? Really, you're acting like a prude or something."

"Sendoh, let me go!" Koshino snarled as he felt the taller man's arms wrap around him.

"Just let me hold you, okay? Just, please, let me hold you. I'll explain everything. I promise."

Sendoh didn't let go, even as Koshino squirmed and fought against him. In the end, Koshino relented, unaware of the defeated pout on his mouth. "Fine. Explain."

Ignoring the soreness on his chest and arms that he was sure would bruise later on, he began, "I did it to have you all to myself, to convince you to give me a chance, Hiro-kun. Uncle Akira's always known about my feelings for you. Back then, he dissuaded me. He said it wasn't the right time, that we were still too young. When I told him recently about you and Maki getting back together, when I told him how jealous I felt and how hopeless I thought I was, he came up with the plan. I didn't know about it at first; I only knew the day before we left."

In Sendoh's arms, Koshino remained quiet, but the tension in his limbs had all seeped away. He appeared to be lost in thought.

"What else do you want to know?" Sendoh prodded, wanting a reaction from the man nestled in his arms.

Koshino sighed. "It's just..."

Sendoh held him closer, tucking his head under his chin. "There's something else, but a different matter. I hope you won't get angry..."

"What is it?" came the soft inquiry.

"I heard your argument with Mitsui-san. I promise I didn't mean to listen in," he added quickly. "I heard you shouting and woke up."

Koshino shrugged, and sighed. His right cheek was pressed against Sendoh's chest. "Sorry about that. We really needed to settle things, Mitsui and I. It had to happen."

"...You hit him."

"You're having doubts," Koshino stated after a few moments.

"I really thought about it last night. It's not because you hit him, because wouldn't it just sound hypocritical, coming from the guy you nearly strangled to death and is still begging you to give him the time of day?"

A tolerating snort. "True..."

"I had doubts because Mitsui-san...well, I'm guessing he got into the picture, and then you still chose Maki over him. I was just wondering...heck, I was scared...what if it comes to the point where you leave me for him? I'm scared... I'm scared that I might never get over you and be like Mitsui-san."

A shrug, but not an unsympathetic one.

A pause. "I really wish you'd start calling me Akira again."

Koshino closed his eyes, feeling very comfortable in Sendoh's embrace. "All right. Akira. Actually, it was during one of our split-ups that Mitsui and I got together. We were interning for the main office at that time, while Shinichi was in the States taking care of some business. He never told me what business it was... He never told me that he'd be gone for more than half a year, and he never got in touch. So, I thought..."

It seemed kind of strange to Sendoh. There he was, holding his Hiro-kun, and instead of exchanging sweet nothings, they were talking about the other men in Koshino's life. He shrugged mentally. It might seem weird--wrong, even. But I want to know all about him. That even for just a short while, we'd be able to share as much as we can of ourselves to each other.

"...and then when he came back, he expected us to still be okay. But you wouldn't really be interested in this stuff."

"No, it's okay. I want to know these things, anyway."

Koshino shook his head, preferring to talk about such things at a different time. "So, what happened to your doubts?" he asked, changing the subject. "Do you still want that chance you were asking me about yesterday?"

"I know this sounds crazy, and maybe this is wrong, but...I'll chance it. I told you that I'll take anything that you can give, and I haven't changed my mind about that. I just...I want some time with you, Hiro-kun. I want to be able to hold you like this, and maybe more, if you'll let me. And I want you to speak to me, about everything and anything you want."

Sendoh felt the man in his arms sigh, and tucked the other's head under his chin. This is it. What if he still says no? I remember what he said, when he thought I was asleep. He said he and Maki had dreams of their future together, dreams that he could not afford to turn his back to... But I'm not gonna make him do that. I just... It's just kind of like I'd be borrowing him from Maki from time to time, before they get married. And then when they get married, I'll...I'll just be his friend--best friend, if he'd allow me to be.

It was as if hours went past them, until Koshino broke the silence. "Akira?"

"Hai?"

Koshino gently untangled himself from Sendoh's arms, his face set in a determined expression.

Sendoh, meanwhile, felt like his insides were screaming at the action, that his Hiro-kun was moving away from him, making him feel so hopeless, and the decision so final. But before he was able to protest, before he was able to move and put his arms around Koshino again, he found the other's index finger over his lips to silence him.

"I'm going to try my best to give you an answer today, okay, Akira?" Koshino said softly, yet firmly. "I need some time to think things through."

Although Sendoh concluded that he could still hope, he was not fully comforted by what the other man said. Are you only delaying the inevitable, Hiro-kun? Are you only delaying this because you're not comfortable rejecting me?

"Okay, Akira?"

Sendoh swallowed his trepidation, and nodded once. "Okay."

±

It was stupid. He knew he should not have promised that, should not have given such a short time limit. Hell, he should have just screamed no so that he didn't have to think, didn't have to consider. He should have said no so that his life would have been less complicated. He should have said no, so that his life would go back to the way it was. Less complicated, structured, reliable, goal-oriented, focused, predictable, no surprises whatsoever, no irritating idiots dogging my every move, no spiky-haired pervert trying to cop a feel inside every elevator or relatively deserted place, no unannounced morning pick-ups, no regular lunch-outs, no incriminating and pointless memo every now and then, no teasing, no blatant ogling...no tenderness nor thoughtfulness nor devoted warmth--

But there ARE those things! Koshino argued with himself. Shinichi's always been tender and thoughtful and devoted and warm...well, whenever we were officially together. But...

Why DID Akira do all this? He said he wanted to be with me. He said he was willing to take the chance, even if in the end he might only get hurt. Why is he doing this? Doesn't he know that he's only making his life complicated, that he's only setting himself up for getting hurt? Why is he doing this? I... I want to find out why, but...but what if it's another joke? What if he's just tricking me into--no. NO. He was really sincere earlier. I believe him. I really believe him, and I want to give him a chance.

Maybe that's the reason why I'm having such a hard time deciding? Because I want to give him a chance, when all rational thought tells me that it will only lead to an unmanageable mess. He sure went to a lot of trouble for this Hong Kong trip, to get me away from Shinichi and have me all to himself for a while.

But WHY do I want to give him a chance? Having him that way in my life will be...CHEATING on Shinichi.

Does that shrink into your thick head, Koshino Hiroaki?! You'd be CHEATING on Maki Shinichi if you go through with this, you idiot!

"Shit. I'd be cheating on him, and I already said I'd marry him..."

And what about otousan's involvement in all this? He's always disapproved of my relationship with Shinichi, saying that I shouldn't be consorting with direct competition, which is odd coming from him, because he's always said that I should "keep all lines open for future possibilities, that a competitor today might be an ally tomorrow"...

Koshino suddenly stood ramrod straight from his pacing on the floor. "That IS odd. But then, he's always disapproved of everything about me. I only wonder why he helped Akira--"

Because Akira's his favorite, you idiot. He'd rather have him as a son than you.

"Oh yeah," he murmured, surprisingly not feeling even the least bit stung at the thought.

So...what am I going to do with Shinichi? I don't feel comfortable with the thought that I'd be cheating on him if I say yes to Akira, but what should I do? Should I break things off with him first? But then, that will already be making a choice. But then again, if I don't, then I'd be cheating.

There's no way around it then. It's either break up with him or cheat on him.

"But I don't want to cheat on him!" Koshino almost wailed. He sat back down from his pacing.

But I can't possibly have both. That would just be selfish, right?

"Damn this. NOW I'm selfish. I always avoided being selfish..."

...

"This thing with Akira is really giving me a migraine..."

±

Sendoh could hear Koshino pacing in the other bedroom. The floor was carpeted, but he could hear the frustrated stomps. Even though every audible stomp made his heart stop, he couldn't help chuckling at the image that popped into his mind. "He hasn't changed a bit. He used to pace like that, too, when we were kids," he said softly to himself.

I wonder what he's thinking about now. ...Well, I DO know that he's thinking about my offer, but I wonder what's exactly going on in his mind that makes him stomp his feet just so?

He leaned further back on the headboard, and thought, What if--IF ever it happens--what if he actually gives me a chance? What would I do then? Am I really ready? Then he snorted, frowning at his thinking. OF COURSE I'm ready. I've been ready after several months in the US with Rukawa. I've been ready ever since I was with him, enduring his company and trying to love him. I've been ready ever since I realized that I couldn't, because the one I loved was left at home, living a life so far away from mine.

I always dreamed about going back to Hiro-kun. I always wondered how happy I could be if I was with him instead of someone else. I always wondered how it would feel like, to have him in my arms, and his head resting on my chest. I always wondered how it would feel like, to have his arms hugging me back, instead of remaining folded across his chest in indifference.

It's been years since I left Japan with Rukawa. I can't say that those years were all wasted--we really did try, Rukawa and I. I know he doesn't love me as he kind of claims he is. Following me and trying to win me back were only because he wanted someone with him. I AM sorry that he is left alone again, but...

But I can't just pretend everything's all right when I know better. I KNEW, all those seven years. It took me such a long time, but now I'm here. And even if this caused so many troubles for everyone else, I don't think I will ever regret coming back and taking a chance on him.

Yeah, well. Maybe it's silly for some people. Why gamble on one thing when I might lose everything else?

I never really had anything. My basketball career...well, I love playing basketball. I used to live and breathe the game. I still play sometimes, just to keep in shape. I DO miss playing professionally, but...

But I think Hiro-kun is worth it. He's worth everything.

...And if he decides not to give me a chance? Then, at least I tried, instead of staying the way I was. And at least, we'd be friends. At least he wouldn't hate me anymore.

I hope he makes the best decision.

±

It was as if there was a time bomb ticking beside his ears, and every second that passed escalated his nervousness, slowly leading to hysteria.

He blinked a few times, willing himself not to scream.

"What if I just tossed a coin?" he asked aloud.

He released a puff of air out of sheer frustration. He still hadn't come to a decision, and his brain had already stopped working.

Right then, his mind was an absolute blank--except for the imaginary ticking time bomb, of course.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

"Ngrrrr..." he gritted his teeth.

Koshino Hiroaki, you idiot! Think, dammit!

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

"Okay, where was I again?" he muttered under his breath. "Oh yeah. The coin toss. No no no! No fucking coin toss is going to decide this! I should decide. I should... I should... Where was I again? Oh yeah. But I already know that I want to give him a chance, right? Or else, why would I have such a hard time saying no? Right. So, I want to give him a chance--but that would be cheating! ...Shit this! Here I go again! There really is no going around this, is there?! ...But what if I just say no? That's just a two-letter word; it'd be easy to say. I'll just say, N-O, and that's it, right? Right? Right...but I already established that I want to give him a chance..." he trailed off. Then, his eyes widened. "THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT TO CHEAT, DOES THAT?!!" he blurted out, horrified.

Riiing~! Riiing~! Riiing~!

For a moment, Koshino panicked about the time bomb going off in his head, but after several more rings, he realized that it was only the telephone. He sighed audibly in relief.

"Hello? Koshino Hiroaki, speaking."

"Koshino-san?" Jin greeted, in his professional secretary mode. "I just received a message for you, from a certain Takato Riki. Do you know him?"

Koshino's brows knitted into a frown. "Did you say Takato?"

"Hai, Koshino-san."

"It's...vaguely familiar, but... I don't know. I've encountered a few people named Takato, but never a Takato Riki. I think."

"Hmm, that's strange," Jin murmured thoughtfully.

"Well, what did he say?"

"He said he wanted to talk to you privately, but he wouldn't say the reason why. He just said it was about a delicate matter that concerned you."

The V on Koshino's forehead dipped lower.

"I didn't really want to tell you about it, because he was so secretive. Besides, I thought, what if it was just a prank call? But then he sounded really serious, so I decided to let you handle it."

"Why, thank you, Soichiro," Koshino mumbled dryly.

"Did anything wrong happen there?"

"It's just..."

"...Well?"

He sighed heavily. "It's nothing. Thanks anyway."

"If you say so."

±

Fujima Kenji gargled mouthwash for the second time that day, and then spit it out.

My head hurts... I feel like vomiting my brains out...

The past night was a blur to Fujima. He vaguely remembered Sakuragi taunting him in the office, but he couldn't recall anymore when Mitsui joined them, and when their drinking fest had begun.

He couldn't remember how much he drank, but based on how awful his hangover was, he'd guess that he drank quite a lot.

And those two idiots didn't stop me! What were they thinking, getting drunk on a weeknight? How unprofessional!

But he was among the unprofessional, so he couldn't reprimand his subordinates. And to top it all off, he was the most drunk of them all.

I hate drinking! I never drank, not even when Shinich left me... So, maybe his engagement is a more special occasion?

He rummaged through his medicine cabinet for aspirin, and then downed a couple of them at once.

When he was feeling better, he went back to the couch, which was already vacated by his two guests, and looked for his briefcase and mobile phone.

"Aw, come on, Fujima!" It was Sakuragi. "You aren't gonna work on office files, are you?"

"No, I'm not," he replied absently. He opened his briefcase and took out some papers.

"I thought this was our day off," Mitsui pointedly protested.

"The weekends are sufficient enough for day off."

"Don't be a spoilsport, Fujima!" The redhead whined.

He closed his briefcase with a sharp click, and closed his eyes. What AM I thinking? I just got drunk off my ass last night, and here I am trying to work? Actually, we CAN afford to have a day off right now, since the company's running smoothly. He pushed his briefcase away from him. I should stop turning to my work to forget my troubles, he thought resolutely. I SHOULD just forget about my troubles. Shinichi's not my concern anymore. If he doesn't want to listen to me--and he never listens to me, anyway--then I'll just have to forget him and move on. Right? Right.

Sakuragi and Mitsui sighed in relief, as it appeared to them that Fujima finally heeded their words. Sakuragi slyly moved to grab Fujima's briefcase and stowed it in some shadowy corner. Mitsui, meanwhile, was about to discreetly pocket the mobile phone and turn it off, when it rang.

Fujima's eyebrows shot up when he heard his phone ring. Thinking that it was Koshino calling again, he did not bother to check the number. "Moshi moshi."

...

"T-Takato-sensei? B-but... I never thought I'd hear from you again."

±

The coin fell on a distinct thump on the carpeted floor.

It was a coin toss.

But I'm not doing THE coin toss. I'm just...tossing a coin.

Koshino pouted at the thought.

He'd been tossing the coin listlessly for the past five minutes or so, trying to come to a decision (or delay the inevitable). He'd already forgotten what choice he assigned to either sides of the coin, and he didn't really care. He was just...

Oh gods. I really AM just delaying the inevitable, huh.

"A cheating bastard, that's what I'd be when I give Akira the answer," he whispered, his gaze on nothing in particular was very stern. "Am I ready for that? Am I...will I be able to live with myself with that thought?"

And then he pondered some more.

±

Sendoh edgily flipped on random channels, intent on finding something that would distract him from his current apprehension.

Lunch had already come and gone, and it was almost time for dinner. He tried calling Koshino for lunch, but when he heard the growling that came from beyond his Hiro-kun's door, he wisely stepped back and left the other man to his...musings, if it could be called that.

Or maybe I SHOULD have called him for lunch. That might've helped him calm down, he thought worriedly, and then, Nah. And risk his wrath? I might be slow on the uptake at times, but I'm not stupid.

He channel-surfed some more, a few programs catching his attention for a bit, and then he resignedly flipped on a channel showing a rerun of a Korean soap opera. Ch. TV these days...

He was gradually falling asleep from the cheesy repeated calling of the hero and heroine's names, when he felt that something was different. He was instantly awake.

"It's good that you didn't choose to fall asleep instead," Koshino remarked tiredly.

"Hiro-kun..."

Koshino was shaking his head, palming something in his right hand.

His actions were making Sendoh's stomach queasy, and his looking so bedraggled didn't help any. Finally, Sendoh ventured a guess, even if that was the last thing that he wanted to do. "No? ...It's okay, Hiro-kun. Really. I understand. We're still friends, right?" He pasted a smile on his face, and nailed it for good measure.

"No. It's..."

Sendoh blinked, his heart doing a Metallica song, with the guitar riffs sounding like a helicopter. "No? As in, no-no, or no to no, so..." He breathed out the word, "...yes?"

Koshino chewed on his lower lip, looking really perplexed. Finally, he looked into Sendoh's blue eyes. "Akira?"

"Hai?"

He tossed a gold coin. It landed on the floor. Tails.

Sendoh blinked again, looking at the coin as if it was a rattle snake about to bite him. "Ehrm... So...?" He looked questioningly at Koshino. "What does that mean?" And then his eyes widened in indignation as he realized what his Hiro-kun had done. "You... A COIN TOSS?!?!?!" he sputtered. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!?! Is that all I'm worth to you?!?! A coin toss?!?!?! You're deciding our lives based on flipping a--!!!"

"You...IDIOT!" Koshino interrupted his offended tirade, and lunged at him.

"Hiro-kun!" he exclaimed, surprised. He squirmed and tried to free himself, but to no avail. "Hiro-kun, let go!"

He twisted some more, both of them struggling against each other for what seemed like forever, then he suddenly stopped. "What did you say?"

Koshino hesitated a little, then spoke too fast for him to understand.

"What was that again?"

An exasperated huff. "Are you deaf?"

He rolled his eyes. "No. You speak too fast. Say it again."

Koshino pouted, his face doing a slow burn.

"What?"

Then Koshino buried his face in Sendoh's shirt, answering, "Both sides mean yes, you idiot."

Finished 06 July 2004