Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Birth Rite ❯ 4 ( Chapter 4 )

Title: Birth Rite - Chapter 4 of ??

Author: Tsutsuji

Date written: November 28-30, 2005

Fandom: Slayers!

Rating: M - for mature teens and older

Warning: Lemon content, angst. Mild hint of non-con, sort of...

Disclaimers and other warnings in Chapter 1

Spellchecked, self-beta'd. Please inform me of typos or other errors. Thanks!

 

Summary: Xelloss flashes back and remembers the unexpected obstacle that appeared as he began to teach Zelgadis about astral body magic.

 

Thanks for the reviews and words of encouragement... All of you devoted Zel/Xel fans really make my day!

 

AN: This is completely not the Chapter 4 I predicted back at the end of Chapter 3. No more preview summaries from now on! The first three chapters have been edited a bit as well. The delay in getting this chapter out is because I had to step back and look at where this story is going, and when I did, I found out I'd started off a little off-track. The good news is, I've got a pretty clear idea of the final chapters now; the bad news is, it's going to take a while to get there! I think it will be worth the trip, at least, I hope so.

 

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Birth Rite, Chapter 4

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Possible intro to chapter 4:

 

***

(Flash forward: Xelloss)

 

Yes, I am a Mazoku, after all. I just haven't been thinking like one for the past month or so. Gather my thoughts, indeed. I think far too much as it is. Why, I brood nearly as well as Zelgadis.... And I immediately wish I hadn't thought of that.

 

Perhaps my tendency to think so much is due to my singular nature, having been made as one when my contemporaries were each one of a pair. Perhaps I've always been a bit odd for a Mazoku. That itself seems like an odd thought, which only proves my point.

 

It's also a terribly human-sounding reason to explain myself, blaming my actions on my upbringing. I really must stop thinking like this and start thinking like a Mazoku again.

 

For example, a report to my superior; that shouldn't be such a difficult matter, should it? All it requires is a mere recitation of my deeds. Nothing so elaborate as an explanation is necessary. I do have a tendency to want to explain myself, though. Xelas-sama has tolerated my long-winded reports and excuses in the past. Perhaps they amuse her. Perhaps this one will amuse her as well.

 

Thinking about my ability to think is a marvelous delaying tactic, of course. My power is nearly fully restored. I could will myself into form any time. My memories seem to be intact as well.

 

This is the problem, of course. I have too many memories., accumulated over a thousand years spent among humans. I remember Lina Inverse, Chaos Dragon, Milgasia, Filia... and Zelgadis. I remember every moment spent in his presence since I met him. That gives me far too much to think about.

 

***

 

(Mystport...)

 

Xelloss never really slept anymore since he'd recovered from the Curse of Shimeria, but sometimes he came close to it when he was lying next to Zelgadis in the dark of night. He even came close to dreaming as a human might, drifting through memories and stray thoughts. Of course, almost all of those thoughts were of Zelgadis. With a thousand years of life and adventure to reminisce about, all that ever passed through his mind these days were events from the past few years, and especially, the past two weeks.

 

The sea wind snuffled around the corners of the cabin as it shifted direction during the night. After weeks in the mountains with only the quiet sigh of wind in the evergreen boughs, the constant rumble of the surf seemed loud. Xelloss stayed close enough to Zelgadis so that he could hear the chimera's steady heart beat over other sounds. It was a rhythm he never seemed to grow tired of, especially since it had nearly stopped back in Shimeria.

 

Since that time, and especially in the last two weeks, Xelloss had learned things about humans that he hadn't known before, and some things about Zelgadis that he should have known already. With a light touch of his thought, he could sense how much stronger Zel's spirit had become in a short time, even though Zelgadis still had difficulty sensing it himself. It was formless now, resting without Zel's thought to shape it, but earlier it had been focused enough to welcome his embrace even while Zelgadis' mind had been nearly overwhelmed with the sensations in his physical body.

 

Xelloss hadn't realized how difficult it was for humans to perceive of astral energy, so that generally the most they could do was draw a small amount of it into the physical realm through shamanic spells. He understood now that shamanic sorcerers like Zelgadis had to learn new ways of thinking just to accomplish this, assuming they had the spiritual power to drawn on in the first place.

 

Aside from that, he'd discovered a deeper resistance in Zelgadis' mind that had nearly stopped their project soon after it began. After that first surprising touch, he knew he had to convince Zelgadis to do more. He'd convinced himself from the start that there were perfectly acceptable reasons to teach Zelgadis all about his astral body. A few days later he'd discovered this unexpected obstacle. Fortunately he'd found a way to overcome it, because it had also given him one more justification to continue: Teaching Zelgadis the deeper secrets of astral body magic had provided him with one more potent taste of Zelgadis' delicious, powerful hatred.

 

 

(Near Boundary Point on the border of Seyruun, Ralteague, and the Coastal States, ten days earlier...)

 

By the fourth day of their journey the road had climbed into the wilderness of mountains that marked the border of Seyruun Kingdom. Nights were cool and Zelgadis' breath made clouds in the air as he walked along, watching the stars come out above the trees. The road was still clear but it had started to dwindle to a track, and they'd left the last village behind at midday the day before.

 

Xelloss didn't question Zelgadis' decision to follow this secluded path. He knew how much Zelgadis enjoyed solitude. Lately, Xelloss had hardly noticed if there were other people around or not. He was too busy noticing Zelgadis' presence everywhere they went.

 

After three days, Xelloss' mind still reeled from the memory of that first touch on his spirit. He was just surprised, he told himself. It was a phenomenon that needed to be studied, at the very least. At every opportunity, he'd coaxed Zelgadis to try again - not that the chimera needed much coaxing, but his astral touch was still tentative. It was also more difficult than it had been that first time when Zelgadis hadn't been thinking about what he was doing. It took all of his concentration to draw part of his mind away from physical reality and focus on the other side.

 

But in those fleeting moments when Zelgadis had succeeded in reaching through and giving his spirit shape to touch him, Xellos began to understand why it felt so good. The human spirit had an instinctive negative reaction to the Mazoku aura. Zelgadis was too infatuated with him to notice it consciously, especially when he was caught up in all the conflicted emotions and sensations of sexual arousal. That instinctive dread and fear had to be part of the reason Xelloss craved the touch of the chimera's spirit, he reasoned. It didn't explain his own infatuation with Zelgadis in the physical realm, but he'd given up trying to justify that. It also wasn't quite enough to explain why Zelgadis' mind fled so frantically from the very thing he wanted so much.

 

They found a place to camp near a stream just off the road. Zelgadis ate a small supper while Xelloss sipped tea and watched the campfire flicker. He watched the light of it gleam in Zelgadis' silver hair, and watched deft stone fingers cut chunks of dried meat, and watched Zel's mouth move as he ate. Xelloss licked his lips.

 

Zelgadis sat cross legged on the ground and poked the embers of the fire. Xelloss' eye followed the folds of his cape and tunic over the slim, hard body underneath. Anticipation thrummed through his own limbs. He tried to sense it stirring in Zelgadis as well, but Zel seemed unusually quiet even for him. It was almost as if he was trying to keep his spirit still, or ignore it completely.

 

Xelloss leaned forward and poured the last of the hot tea into his cup. When he sat back again, he had moved a few inches closer to Zelgadis. He wasn't really interested in drinking tea anymore. He sat with the cup on his knee, idly letting his finger trace the edge of the cup, and continued to watch Zelgadis eat.

 

Zelgadis' eyes glittered in the firelight. He shifted where he sat, drawing into himself. Finally he threw the last rind of meat into the fire.

 

"Don't stare at me," he said, a whisper just above the crackling embers.

 

He still hated being looked at. That was only part of the reason Xelloss enjoyed looking at him so much.

 

Xelloss lowered his head, hiding his eyes behind the shadow of his hair. He knew Zelgadis could still feel the weight of his stare now on his crossed legs, tracing the shape of his strong limbs under his clothes.

 

"I'll never stop staring at you, Zel-san," Xelloss said lightly. "Your body is a feast for my eyes. In fact, at the moment, I can't really see as much of it as I want to see."

 

Zelgadis choked back a curse. Frustration with Xelloss' teasing made his fists clench, but Xelloss knew it was the erotic suggestion in his words that made a tremor run through his body.

 

Xelloss leaned toward him and raised his eyes to catch Zelgadis' gaze. Blue eyes gleamed like glass in the flickering light. Xelloss lifted his hand, almost grazed Zel's chin with his knuckle. Distress and anger on Zel's face melted into desire. If he held out a little longer, Xelloss knew, that desire would become a demand.

 

"I won't stop looking at you," Xelloss said, "or touching you, or tasting you."

 

Muscles in Zelgadis' jaw clenched, making the stone chips on his face glitter. The urge to touch his rough skin surged through Xelloss and almost moved his hand, but he held still. He could feel Zelgadis' intent focused on him now. It was almost a solid force.

 

"Touch me, Zelgadis," he said.

 

Zelgadis stared at him a second, angry, frustrated, longing. Then he closed his eyes.

 

Xelloss could always sense Zelgadis' spirit just as easily he saw the stone body with his eyes. It was simply there, sometimes even responding to him, but hardly aware of itself except when Zelgadis called on its power to cast a spell.

 

Now, Zelgadis focused his mind in a similar way, as if he was casting a spell. But he'd discovered something three nights ago, apparently by accident. Pure desire could focus his spirit nearly as well as magical intent and chaos words.

 

"Yes," Zelgadis said softly. His breath came out in a puff of steam. "I want to touch you..."

 

Soft fingers of thought brushed against Xelloss on the astral side. He mirrored the light touch on Zelgadis' cheek. Behind the silver bangs that fell over his face, Zelgadis' brows twitched with the effort to maintain his concentration and feel the touch on both sides at once.

 

Xelloss sighed and let his own longing press against Zel's spirit. Zelgadis flinched and his breath hissed through his teeth. It was Xelloss' turn to clench his jaw in frustration. He wanted to press forward onto Zelgadis' body and he wanted to grasp that trembling spirit - but it wouldn't be enough.

 

This was the strangest thing. With anyone else, he would have taken the dread and the resistance, and been more than satisfied with that. He wanted Zelgadis' desire as well. So he drew back a little on the spirit side and placed his palm against Zelgadis' cheek, sliding his fingers up into stiff strands of hair that fell over his eyes.

 

Zelgadis' resistance melted, at least on the physical side. Eyes closed, he reached out for Xelloss.

 

"Touch me," Xelloss said again, barely moving his lips, speaking with his thought.

 

Zelgadis reached for him. A rough hand cupped the back of his neck to draw him closer, while smooth, thin fingers of spirit slid against his astral body.

 

Xelloss scuffled over to Zelgadis' side and leaned closer. He was near enough to taste the scent of Zelgadis' skin. His body throbbed with anticipation. He coaxed those small fingers of spirit-touch to move more freely over the surface of his astral form. This time it was more than the tiny fingertip-touch that he'd felt before. Several points of contact spread out to search for the shape of his astral body . He watched them take shape and grow.

 

Zelgadis felt him look at them. That drew his awareness to them as well, bringing more of his senses into focus on the spirit side besides touch. Xelloss was pleased; it was the first time he'd done this much. But when Zelgadis saw the form his touch had taken, he froze in horror.

 

Xelloss caught him before he darted away. Zelgadis pulled his spirit back, trying to shove his thought away, trying to cut off his awareness from the astral side. His hands clutched at Xelloss, trying to push him away, shaking.

 

Xelloss held on and let him struggle. He'd wondered why Zelgadis had never explored his astral powers before and knew so little of them when they were so wonderfully strong. Even without training, curiousity alone should have led him to explore more than he had, Xelloss thought. Now he knew why.

 

Zelgadis' astral body was that of a Brow Demon, just as his physical body was fused with a rock golem. He wanted his spirit to take some shape that was acceptable and normal to human eyes, but to him it was as ugly as his golem body. Zelgadis felt the instinctive human dread when he touched Xelloss, but he hated the inhuman shape of his own spirit even more than that.

 

Xelloss caught Zelgadis' struggling body in his arms while his spirit curled around Zel's on the other side. He should have expected this, he thought. Zelgadis' self-loathing was deeper and richer than merely despising his physical appearance, he'd realized that long ago. The chimera hated himself for being weak and for making the plea for power that had allowed Rezzo to give him this monstrous form. He hated himself because he still wanted the power it gave him. He hated himself sharply for wanting to touch Xelloss, and now even more than that, he hated the demon spirit that allowed him to do so.

 

Xelloss couldn't resist either the emotions that raged against his spirit or the body that struggled in his arms. Somehow, though, he ignored his own conflicted desire. He could have let his lust and pleasure swell at that moment and taken all he wanted from the madly struggling chimera, but he didn't.

 

He kissed Zelgadis deeply, pulled him closer and touched his skin with fingers hot with need. He used mouth, hands and body to pleasure Zelgadis to distraction, and fed on his desire instead of his horror. At the same time, though, Xelloss still held the flailing spirit within his own while it twisted in ever more grosteque shapes in its effort to get free -- not from Xelloss, but from itself.

 

At first Zelgadis lashed him with his fury, but even while his body responded with growing need, his emotion grew from anger to desperation.

 

"Xelloss," Zelgadis gasped. "Stop it. Let me go, please!"

 

Xelloss looked down on him. Zelgadis had fallen back onto the ground and pulled Xelloss down on top of him. Their struggle had pushed most of Zelgadis' clothing out of the way, and his body was arched up into Xelloss ' touch with one leg hooked around Xelloss' hip. Xelloss had bared his own skin with a swift thought. It was already marked from contact with Zel's rough stone skin.

 

He leaned down and cupped his hand around Zelgadis' swelling erection, then flexed his hips so his own hardness pressed against Zel's thigh.

 

Zelgadis made a wordless sound, swallowed hard, and closed his eyes. His spirit trembled and shifted again. Zel's eyes flew open, trying not to see what was there, trying to pull himself back completely into physical awareness. Only Xelloss' firm grip held him there on the astral side.

 

"No," Zelgadis whimpered. He twisted his fists in Xelloss' hair and against his shoulder. "Don't make me look at that. Just let me feel you, here," he pleaded. He thrust up against Xelloss with his body, and tried to drag his thought away from the astral plane.

 

"Why don't you want to see yourself?" Xelloss wondered. "Can't you see the power you have? Zelgadis, your spirit is so..."

 

"No!" Zelgadis shouted and clamped his hand over Xelloss' mouth.

 

Xelloss glared down at him. He was nearly as surprised at himself for what he'd been about to say as he was at Zelgadis for stopping him. After a second, he smiled behind Zel's fingers. He reached up and gently pried them away from his face. At the same time, he let go and let Zelgadis' spirit fall into shapeless silence without his thought to mold it.

 

Zelgadis gasped. Cautiously, he closed his eyes, and then pulled Xelloss down again.

 

After a few ragged breaths, Zelgadis let his emotions flow like a dark river to Xelloss, hiding nothing of his shame and horror. When Xelloss responded with a groan and swelled against him, Zelgadis opened up to him, demanding to be taken. Xelloss obliged without hesitation, entering him swiftly, driving away the vision of that writhing spirit body with pure physical sensation.

 

He took Zelgadis long, slow, and deep, drawing every ounce of pleasure that he could find into the stone body until Zelgadis was pleading with him again, and then took more until they were both desperate for release. Finally, he closed his hand around Zelgadis, ready to pump him to climax while he finished. Zelgadis hissed and clamped his own hand over Xelloss', holding him back.

 

Zelgadis' eyes were closed, Xelloss saw, but his awareness was all in his body. Xelloss rubbed his cheek against Zel's, licked the point of his ear, all the time moving steadily faster, driving them both to the edge.

 

"Xelloss," Zelgadis sobbed, on the brink of his release. "I hate you."

 

Xelloss exploded inside him. His frantic motions brought Zelgadis along with him.

 

Zelgadis panted as the force of his climax subsided. Xelloss rolled off of him but still held him lightly to feel the taut body heaving in his arms. He waited for Zelgadis to pull away from him completely.

 

Zelgadis didn't pull away, except to lie back on the ground at last when he almost had his breath back. Zel's eyes looked black staring up at the sky, looking at nothing. Normally a quick wave of exhaustion would sweep over him after sex, but he was still tense and alert. Xelloss watched him and waited.

 

Finally, Zelgadis turned to him. There was still anger in his eyes and in the grim set of his mouth, but there was also a pleading expression that made Xelloss wince. It almost looked as if he was going to apologize.

 

For some reason that made Xelloss angry. He frowned and started to move away. Zelgadis caught him and pulled him back.

 

"No," Zelgadis said.

 

He pulled Xelloss down to lie next to him on the ground. He kicked off the rest of his clothes, then caught the edge of his cloak that was twisted under him and threw it up to cover them both. Xelloss wondered if this was an act of his shame or mere habit; it wasn't as if either of them needed protection from the chill of the night. The action only left Zelgadis curled up close against Xelloss, who had no choice, really, but to let his arms fall around the slim body. In spite of his tension, Zelgadis was starting to go limp.

 

"Zelgadis-san?"

 

"I still want you to touch me, Xelloss," he said, answering the question Xelloss hadn't intended to ask. "I still want to learn what you have to teach me. I just don't want to... I can't look at that."

 

Zelgadis' eyes were closing against his will. He'd exhausted himself with his struggles. He dropped into sleep suddenly.

 

Xelloss remained still and only let his fingertips move over the rocky skin of Zel's back. He was much more relieved than he would ever care to admit.

 

"Foolish human," he said.

 

Along with his sense of relief and the weight of Zel's body against his, the memory of Zelgadis' blast of hatred was almost enough to arouse him again. He smiled to himself. If only that hatred was really for him, he thought sadly, instead of being only for the thing he had shown Zelgadis.

 

---

 

Mystport, the present...

 

Xelloss heard the cabin creak like an old ship as the wind began to rise. The distant sound of the surf seemed louder. The tide must be coming in higher on the rocks below the cliff.

 

He rose from the bed and looked down at the sleeping chimera. Zelgadis had sprawled across the bed while Xelloss had been doing his dream-like thinking. One dark, muscular calf and foot stuck out from under the blanket. That and a shock of hair on the pillow were all that could be seen of him.

 

Xelloss wondered at himself sometimes. He'd had to do some strange things to break through unexpected barriers in Zelgadis' mind, all so he could teach the human knowledge no human had ever learned, certainly not from one of his kind. Zelgadis' curiosity and his craving for magical knowledge had overcome a lot of his resistance. It was still difficult for his human mind to maintain his awareness on both sides at once, but he was getting better at it.

 

Most of their "lessons" continued to occur during sex. The desire for contact was still the best way Zelgadis had found to focus his mind. Half jokingly, Xelloss had once pointed out that if Zelgadis could concentrate that well during sex when Xelloss was working so hard to distract him, he should have no problem during a battle. Zelgadis didn't bother to argue that point.

 

Xelloss' lectures on astral body theory didn't help much, and usually left Zelgadis looking at him as if he was crazy. Some things couldn't be explained, anyway. There were no words in human language or even in human thought for the magical knowledge a Mazoku took for granted, he discovered. Practical demonstrations were much more effective. What had first seemed like madness to Zel's human mind became ordinary over time. Sometimes Zelgadis didn't even know what he was learning, but his control of his astral body grew stronger in spite of himself.

 

Since that one glimpse of himself, though, he had been careful only to form his spirit through a sense of touch, guided by his desire to feel Xelloss on the other side. When Xelloss told him that this would limit his control of his power, Zelgadis ignored him. Xelloss stole glimpses of the chimera's astral body when it took form, but he never told Zelgadis what he saw.

 

Now and then Xelloss had to pause and question whether he should crave Zelgadis' touch quite as much as he did. In the middle of the night with Zelgadis lying next to him sweetly exhausted from their earlier activities, he admitted to himself just for a moment that he really only did all of this for the pleasure it gave them both.

 

After his excursion into Mystport earlier and the reminder of his purpose here, he'd remembered that that wasn't reason enough for him to do anything.

 

Xelloss glanced out the nearest window. He couldn't see Mystport or the harbor from here, but he could see the horizon, where the dark edge of the sea met the darker edge of the sky. Streaks of light had appeared over the mountains, but he guessed they wouldn't reach the western horizon. He wondered if there was a boat out on that sea carrying travelers to Mystport ahead of the storm, or a hidden cargo of books or enchanted jewelry.

 

Before dawn, Xelloss finally tore himself away from Zelgadis' presence. He left the cabin to watch for ships, but he didn't go far.

 

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to be continued