WARNING! What you are about to read is a result of suppressed hyperactivity, a two-liter of Mountain Dew, and the procrastination of writing a science paper on evolution. Zelgadis is going to be very, very OOC, but that's actually the point of the fic. Some things don't really fit in the Slayers world, like the drugstore mentioned later on, but tough beans; this is my fic and what I say, goes. ^_^ Standard disclaimer applies: I don't own the Slayers or the characters appearing in this fic. This is not a songfic at all, but I did get the name for it from the song "Crazy for this Girl" by Evan and Jaron.

If I haven't scared you off by now, enjoy the fic! ^_^

~*Crazy for this Girl*~

Xelloss Metallium, priest and general of the high and mighty Greater Beast Xelas, was bored.

Mind you, this is the Mazoku who normally kept busy with annoying mortals; most of the time, the mortals being Lina and the others she traveled with. So why, on that fateful day, was the Trickster Priest without someone to torment?

That… is a secret. ^_^

But I will tell you that Xelloss definitely planned on doing something to change that. It was the happenstance discovery of a red bottle that set the course of events to follow. The bottle itself was completely innocuous, and even the contents were nothing to fear. However, it was the way in which they were used that was a cause for concern.

Thus, another day in the Slayers world.

***

Atlas City…

Xelloss walked up and down the drugstore aisle, his eyes scanning the bottles and boxes adorning the shelves. He could faintly hear the sound of Lina and Gourry squabbling over where to eat and Amelia's excited shouts of joy as she found some intriguing trinket or another.

'What was it Lina-san wanted?' Xelloss thought to himself. 'She told me she needs something from over here, but I can't remember what it was…' As Xelloss pondered the sorceress's request, a red bottle caught his eye. Curious, Xelloss picked it up and read the label.

"Love-In-Idleness Potent Brew!

Removes all emotional inhibitions!

Use only in moderation.

Side effects include: …"

Xelloss stopped reading there, a plan already forming in his mind. 'This ought to be fun…" With a cheeky grin on his face, Xelloss strolled out of the shop.

***

Later that night, at an inn…

A pair of violet eyes watched the table occupied by Lina and her friends. As usual, a fight for the food was taking place. Lina was winning by a long shot. Xelloss tapped the small red bottle against his chin and smiled. From his table in the corner, he was able to observe the events unfolding without being seen. He intended to stay unseen for quite awhile and never stray from the shadows. He was positive that any other action would result in Lina Dragon Slave-ing his hide.

'Now, to choose a victim,' the Trickster Priest thought. He glanced at the raven-haired princess. 'Not Amelia. She already shows her emotions more than necessary.' Next was the blonde swordsman. 'Not Gourry. There'd be no fun in that.' The petite, redheaded sorceress caught his attention next. 'I highly doubt I'd live to laugh another day if I tried it on Lina-san.' Finally, Xelloss's eyes rested on the chimera.

'Oh, yes. Yes, my dear little Zelgadis. You shall be my test subject.'

***

The kitchen…

By means of teleportation, Xelloss entered the kitchen. He sent out a subtle mind sweep, looking for the waiter who was delivering food to Lina's table. It didn't take long to do so, and Xelloss grabbed hold of the young waiter.

"Young sir, allow me to assist you," Xelloss said. The waiter, who was trying to balance three trays laden with food and drinks, smiled in relief and let Xelloss take a tray. The Trickster Priest cast a quick disguise spell on himself and followed the youth out. When he was sure no one was paying attention to him, Xelloss emptied the entire red bottle into the cup of coffee balancing precariously on the tray.

'It's show time!'

***

The table…

"Oi! Lina, that was my chicken!" Amelia protested, pouting at the sorceress. Lina waved the leg of chicken in front of the princess's face.

"Ya snooze ya lose! It's that simple!" Lina said. She chomped down on the meat. Amelia grabbed a bread roll and quickly ate it before Lina could steal it. Zelgadis glanced down at his empty mug of coffee. Already feeling the withdrawal of a few minutes sink in, Zelgadis worriedly looked around for the waiter.

"Here's your coffee, sir!" a buxom waitress said. Zelgadis looked up to see a disturbingly familiar woman offering him a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," Zelgadis said cautiously. Where had he seen that person before? … Well, no matter. He had his coffee now, and there was no way he was gonna let it get cold. The waitress chuckled and walked away.

"Hey! That was MY hot pot!"

***

The next morning, Lina's room…

Lina yawned and turned over in her bed. Because the inn was cheap and it had hardly any customers, everyone was able to get their own room. It was wonderful. Lina didn't have to listen to Amelia giving justice speeches in her sleep, or listen to Amelia's wake-up call in the morning (which consisted of another speech about life, love, and happiness). It was just Lina.

The redheaded sorceress cracked one eye open. She wasn't sure what had awaked her, but the vestiges of sleep were slowly slipping away. Lina was expecting to be greeted by her pillow and the rays of sun slanting on it. However, that wasn't what she found.

Instead, a pair of sapphire eyes met her ruby ones.

"Oh, L-sama, if this is a dream, don't let me wake up," Lina muttered, sighing. Only in her dreams would the stone Adonis appear before her as he was now.

"Good morning, beautiful," a silky-smooth voice said.

It was then that the last tendrils of sleep slithered away, and Lina sat bolt upright in bed. This… definitely… wasn't a dream.

"AAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!"

The hallway…

Xelloss, seated in the hallway outside of Lina's room, grinned in delight. So, it had worked after all. How amusing…

Lina's room…

"ZELGADIS GRAYWORDS, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING IN MY BED!!!" an enraged Lina screamed. The languid chimera lying beside her grinned.

"Why, Lina-chan, I thought you'd want some company on this fine summer morning," he replied, his voice turning to that of velvet. He reached his hand up to caress Lina's face, but the sorceress jerked backward and tumbled to the floor. She hastily righted herself and stared at Zelgadis, a bewildered look on her face.

"What has gotten into you? Why are you acting so weird?!" Lina demanded. "You're not acting like yourself at ALL!"

"I'm acting on my true feelings," Zelgadis replied. He stretched languorously, looking like an indolent cat.

"I can't believe this is happening," Lina moaned, rubbing her temples. "This is a dream, this is a dream, this is a dream… Zelgadis is NOT lying on MY bed, Zelgadis is NOT calling me beautiful, there is no flippin' way this is happening…"

During Lina's soliloquy, Zelgadis took the chance to slide off the bed and over to where the sorceress was standing. Lina was so deep in her ranting that she didn't realize the presence beside her until it was too late.

"You're beautiful when you're in denial," Zelgadis whispered, stroking Lina's cheek. With a shriek of surprise, Lina smacked the chimera's hand away and pointed her finger in his face.

"Touch me and die, Stone Boy," she snarled. Zelgadis simply grinned. Lina glowered at him. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, and I don't know how to fix it, but L-sama help me, I will haunt you until your dying days if you so much as lay another finger on me!"

"Does it bother you that much, Lina-chan?"

Lina refused to answer the question, mostly because she wasn't sure how to answer it. Sure, it really creeped her out that her friend was making advances on her, but the fact that it was Zelgadis slightly changed that. Nobody knew what she thought of the chimera, and she planned on keeping it that way. She was going to have to be cruel and heartless if she wanted to remain calm and levelheaded.

A knock on the door briefly brought their attention away from each other.

"Miss Lina, are you okay? I thought I heard you scream earlier, but I was half-asleep at the time. Breakfast is being served downstairs. Are you going to come down now?" Amelia's voice flitted through the air. Before Lina could respond, Zelgadis answered.

"We'll be right down in a second, Amelia," he said. Both he and Lina could hear the sharp intake of breath from the other side of the door.

"M- Mr. Zelgadis? What are you doing in-?" the princess's voice, heavy with grief, stopped short. Quiet snuffles, followed by quickly retreating footsteps, were audible. Lina glared at Zelgadis.

"Now look what you did, you jerk! You made Amelia cry!"

"It's not my fault the girl is emotionally unstable," Zelgadis replied offhandedly.

"You KNOW how much she likes you, and you have the nerve to call her emotionally unstable?! What kind of cold-hearted bastard are you?!" Lina yelled.

"The kind that's in love with you, of course," was the slick reply. Lina snorted in contempt.

"Look, I want you to get out of my room so I can change. We're going to go downstairs for breakfast, and we're going to pretend this never happened, okay? I want you to explain to Amelia that we were just discussing our plan on how to get from here to Zephilia. Got that?" the redhead ordered.

"Just one question."

"…"

"Do I really have to leave?"

"GET OUT!!"

With that earth-shattering shriek, everyone's favorite chimera was promptly booted out of Lina's room.

"Alas, thus is life," Zelgadis sighed.

***

Downstairs, at the breakfast table…

The raven-haired princess was quietly munching on a serving of scrambled eggs when Zelgadis entered the room. Amelia barely looked up when the chimera sat down at the table and motioned to a waitress. Gourry had yet to appear at all.

"Cup of coffee, please. Black," Zelgadis said. The waitress nodded and scurried away. "Good morning, Amelia."

"… 'mornin'," the princess replied without enthusiasm.

"About this morning…" Zelgadis started. Amelia glanced up quickly, her eyes shining with hope. So it wasn't what it looked like! she thought happily. There's a reasonable explanation for it!

"Yes, Mr. Zelgadis?" Amelia leaned forward, hardly daring to hope. They were just discussing plans for travel, or maybe Miss Lina saw a slug, or maybe-

"Lina and I have decided to elope. We're leaving right after breakfast."

CRASH!!

The princess got a very nice view of the hardwood floor. The grain was superb, and it was polished like marble; perfect to a fault. However, Amelia wasn't in the mood or frame of mind to care about such things. Instead, she righted herself, sat back down in her seat, and went back to eating her food. Silent tears dripped down her face.

"Mornin', Zelgadis! Mornin', Amelia!" Gourry said as he stepped off the staircase and walked over to the table.

"Good morning, Gourry," Zelgadis replied. The waitress returned and handed Zelgadis his coffee.

"Hi! I'll have everything on this side, and this side, and this side. Double portions, please," Gourry told the waitress. After recovering from a near heart attack, the waitress left. "Hey Amelia. What's wrong?"

"…" was the forlorn reply. Gourry scratched his chin in concentration.

"Did you loose something? Did Lina steal your food? Oh!" Suddenly struck by a brilliant idea, Gourry slammed his right fist into his other hand. "It's that time of the month, isn't it!?"

"No, it's not any of those!" Amelia said angrily, finally looking up. She sniffed a few times before continuing. "It's worse! Worse than all those combined!"

"Honestly, Amelia, I think you're taking this way too hard," Zelgadis put in. Amelia stiffened in response to the sound of his voice.

"M-Mr. Zelgadi-is…" she cried. It was at that moment that Lina appeared in the room.

"Hey everyone!" she said. Then, upon hearing only silence in return, Lina sat down at the table and looked at everyone's faces in concern. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't know, Miss Lina," Amelia replied icily. "Why don't you tell me?"

Lina raised an eyebrow and gave Amelia a weird look.

"What crawled up your royal derriere and died?" she retorted as she flagged down a waitress. "Yeah, gimme everything on your menu, and make it snappy."

"How dare you!" Amelia sputtered. Her eyes glistened, and new tears replaced the drying ones. "How dare you say that, Miss Lina! Especially after what-" The princess stopped and simply stared at Lina.

Now feeling completely lost, Lina narrowed her eyes.

"Look. I don't know why you're acting like such a brat, but I sure as hell don't like it," she snapped. She glanced at Zelgadis and caught a fleeting smile. Suddenly the pieces of the puzzle began to fit in place. "Zelgadis…"

The chimera lifted his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair, waiting in anticipation for the sorceress's words.

"What did you say to Amelia when you came down here this morning?" Lina asked with pseudo-kindness and patience.

"I told her exactly what you told me to tell her," Zelgadis replied steadily. Amelia gasped in shock.

"You mean you *told* him to tell me?!" she exclaimed. "You, my best friend, sent the guy I love to tell me you two were eloping?! What kind of friend are you!?"

The room grew fatally silent. Gourry was even more perplexed than Lina, so he kept his mouth shut. Amelia's face still held it's tortured expression, and Zelgadis's indolent grin seemed frozen in place. Only Lina seemed to be going through a change. The confusion melted from her face as if it were water. A deadly calm smile slid into place, making everything that much more horrific. Gourry, recognizing the expression, immediately got up from his chair and backed away. Amelia, even through her anger and hurt, knew what was coming, and she, too, got up and scurried away. Only Zelgadis didn't move.

"Zelgadis…"

"Yes, my love?"

"DILL BRAND!!!"

***

Later, on the road to Zephilia…

"So Mr. Zelgadis is under some kind of spell?" Amelia was saying as the troupe headed out of Atlas City. Lina nodded and crossed her arms behind her head.

"Yeah. That's all I can figure out. He's never acted like this before, and we haven't done anything to provoke it, so that's my best guess," she said. Lina glanced at Zelgadis, who was, at the moment, acting normal. "And I'll also make the educated guess that Xelloss is behind it. Not only is he the single person in our group who would get a kick out of it, he's also been missing since yesterday. I asked him to get me an herb from the drugstore, he agreed, and I haven't seen him since."

"So where is Xelloss?" Gourry asked. Lina's irritated expression made Gourry sidestep to get out of Lina's punching range.

"I don't *know*, Gourry, because if I did, Xelloss would be having extreme regrets about messing with us," Lina replied.

"What are we gonna do about this?! This is horrible! It's unjust!" Amelia cried. She cast a longing glance at Zelgadis, but the chimera wasn't at all interested in their conversation. Instead, he seemed to be deeply enthralled in the scenery around them. Every so often, he would stoop down a bit and pluck a flower from the ground. It was very unnerving to the rest of the gang because it was highly uncharacteristic of Zelgadis to do so.

"I know someone in Zephilia who may be able to help," Lina said. She dropped her arms and pulled out a map from a pocket in her cape. "But I have the sneaking suspicion that we'll need more help than that. Amelia, Gourry, I hate to say this, but we need to split up."

"What?! Why?" was the response Lina received from both her comrades. She motioned for them to come closer, and she unfolded the map.

"Amelia, I need you to go back to Saillune and search the libraries there for anything pertaining to this… this condition of Zel's." Lina flicked her finger at the spot labeled Saillune. "And Gourry, I want you to go to Sairaag and see if you can find Sylphiel. Last I heard she's helping to rebuild the city. We could definitely use her knowledge of white magic." Lina tapped the dot of Sairaag. "Then, after I find help in Zephilia, we can meet here." Lina's finger traced a rough figure on the map.

"But Lina, I can't leave you!" Gourry exclaimed. "I'm your bodyguard, remember?"

"For L-sama's sake, Gourry, I don't need a bodyguard! And trust me, you'll be helping me out a lot more if you go find Sylphiel for me," Lina snapped. Gourry nodded, understanding in a way only Gourry could.

"I don't want to leave you, either, Miss Lina," Amelia replied softly. Lina glared at her, and Amelia's face flushed. "With Zelgadis and all-"

"Mr. Overly-Active-Libido will be just fine. I'm dropping him off at the next town we come across," Lina said. "And besides, the sooner you find the right books to help us, the sooner we can get Zelgadis back to normal. You want that, don't you, Amelia?"

"Yes."

"What's this I hear about you dumping me in the next town?" Zelgadis suddenly said. Without Lina realizing it, he had rejoined the group and he was walking right behind Lina. As in, nearly treading on her heels. As in, his warm breath tickled the back of her neck and sent shivers down her spine.

Lina whirled around and stuck her hand out to stop Zelgadis.

"Don't do that!" she snapped. Zelgadis just gave a faint, mocking smile, which only infuriated the sorceress more. "There's a little town about a mile from here, and you're gonna stay there because there's no way I'm gonna let you tag along with anyone else. In your condition, there's all sorts of trouble you could get into."

"But he's only following you, Lina," Gourry pointed out in a moment of brilliance. Lina glowered and stamped her foot.

"That's not the point! The point is that Zelgadis needs to keep the hell away from me until I can figure out what is wrong with him!" she yelled. Zelgadis crossed his arms and walked past the ranting sorceress.

"We'll see about that," he called over his shoulder. Lina stormed after him. Amelia and Gourry trailed behind them.

"What do you mean by that?" she demanded. Zelgadis smiled and quickly glanced at her.

"So once you figure out what's wrong with me, I can be with you?" he said, ignoring her question. Lina's cheeks turned slightly red.

"No, I didn't say that!" she said. "What makes you think I said that?!"

"Well, you said I need to keep away from you *until* you find out what's wrong. That implies that once you do, I'm allowed to be with you."

"…."

Zelgadis smirked but didn't say anything. Lina crumpled the map in her hands and shoved it in her pocket.

"Shut up and keep walking," she scowled.

***

In the previously unnamed town…

It so happened that the little town was a junction for the roads that Amelia and Gourry had to take to go their separate ways in their search for a new cure for Zelgadis. It was bad enough Zelgadis was cursed once, but now they needed something totally different. Who knew how long it would take to snap Zelgadis out of his current frame of mind?

Xelloss knew, of course, but there's no way in all the circles of Hell that he'd let anyone else find out. It was his private game, in which Lina and co. were the pawns. As usual. Mazoku are funny like that.

And so, the gang parted, and Lina was left alone with Zelgadis. Depending on how you looked at it, that was either a good thing or a bad thing.

"Zel, I'll see ya in a week or two. Or three. I dunno how long it'll take, but I'll help you get through this somehow. Maybe you could rent a room at the inn for a few weeks," Lina said as the pair stopped in front of the marketplace bustling with people.

"I don't see the need for that," Zelgadis replied.

"Why not?"

"I'm going with you."

"… No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"Zelgadis, be reasonable. I can't have you… *lusting* after me like a hormonal teenager."

"I'm not that bad, am I?" Zelgadis looked into Lina's face, curious. Lina didn't answer right away. No, you're not that far gone. But still… Zelgadis took Lina's hand into his own, but made no further move. "I promise to be on my best behavior if you let me accompany you."

"…"

"And you need me with you, anyway. How can you cure me if I'm not there?"

"… damn…" Lina cursed under her breath. How could she have let such an obvious fact go unheeded? Damn! Of course that's what Zelgadis meant when he said "We'll see about that"!! Lina was so anxious to get away from the amorous male she had let her mind make one too many mistakes. Lina scowled for a full minute, then pulled her hand out of Zelgadis's light grip. "Fine. Let's go."

And go they did: to Zephilia, in hopes of curing the chimera of his second curse.

***

Author Notes: This story was supposed to be a one-shot deal, but I'd never get it done if I did that, and I was anxious to share this with the rest of the Slayers online community. I'd also like to apologize for Lina being so defensive and a general witch. ^_^;; I realized that the story immediately jumps into Lina guarding herself against Zel's advances (Oi, that SO did not sound right ;_;), and I'm not so sure she'd really be like that. But, alas, thus is life.