Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Lina Inverse: The Ice Cream Special ❯ Vanilla Dreams ( Chapter 3 )

Fandom: Slayers
Title: Vanilla Dreams
Author/Artist: <lj user=perch> using fanfic journal <Lj user=whelpling>
Theme: # 7 Procrastination
Pairing/Characters: Lina/Zelgadiss
Rating: PG
Disclaimer/claimer: I do not own Slayers nor am I making any form of profit from this piece of fanfiction.
Notes/Summery: Zelgadiss muses on his feelings for Lina.

 

<Lj-cut text= Vanilla Dreams >

 

 

Loving Lina is like drowning, every day, every minute of your life. You don't even realize you need air until she looks at you that one certain way of hers and suddenly you've forgotten how to breathe. Lina Inverse is a spitfire, a damned fine sorceress, and has more then earned every title given to her, both good and ill.

 

So how do you start falling in love with her?

 

It's simple really. Her personality, her sheer magnetism will lure you in. Lina may not appear to be much to look at. She's short, she's bad tempered, she's under developed in certain areas men usually like women to be over developed in, but she's one of a kind. No one can compete with her and when she's kind, she's considerate and when she's enraged, the countryside itself trembles before her.

 

This is a woman who takes down gods.

 

Hell, I probably sound like I should be starting a fan club, rather then admitting my strange and oddly fascinating obsession with her. What else can I have at this point, if not an obsession?

 

Sometimes I wonder if time could reverse itself, if the way we'd met been different could there have been a chance? I'm not much to look at myself, okay, I'm a chimera, I'm three parts molded into one, from human, to golem, to blow demon. My skin is rocky and hard, my hair wiry and deadly, but I'm still a man, despite the sum of my parts. I still notice women and for a brief while there, though I may just be flattering myself at this point, I thought that she had feelings for me.

 

Not obvious feelings, not some strange epiphany that came crashing down on her head. No, just a primal instinct, a need, sitting underneath, hidden, not fully recognizable in her consciousness, and sometimes, as our lives continued to intersect, I thought there were potential moments, if only things, people, situations were different.

 

I blame myself for a lot of the lost chances. Lina, is an incredibly overbearing person, and frankly intimidating on many different levels. She's the kind of woman that could just as easily punch you as show you kindness, and the signals she sends? I think sometimes they'd send stronger men then me into fits.

 

But there are times when she holds my arm, when she's close, when she's being her fiery, insane self, that I simultaneously despair that I'm no more then her lackey and glory in being around her. It sounds almost like worship, but I assure you it is not. It is just, I don't even know if it is truly love, but then, I don't fully understand love and its needs. I just know that I need to be both close to Lina and far away, both with her and apart and that given the chance I believe, that we could grow closer.

 

I know that unlike Gourry, I would not keep it platonic when Lina turned that considerable brain of hers towards pondering relationships. I know that at this stage I would take the chance, if I were given one.

 

Do I believe that Lina loves me? As a friend yes, maybe even as a brother, but as a lover, as a man, as something sexual? No, no I don't believe so. I think sometimes that mind of hers turns to me and she wonders, but I don't believe she inserts herself into the scenarios she concocts, and that, is a humbling thought in itself.