Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Musings of a Star-Crossed Mind ❯ Lina ( Chapter 1 )

Musings of a Star-Crossed Mind

**Disclaimer** don't own slayers or anything associated w/it, if I did, I wouldn't very well be writing fanfiction, but EPISODES of it ne?**

~~Lina~~

Do you understand what exactly you have done for me? Do you even know how I've changed sincee you came to me? In your naive mind, nothing changes, has an effect on anything else. But the truth is, it does, you've had an incredible impact on me. I'm strong, I'm the strongest, but...you see past my powers, all that cover to the person I am. Somehow, you know I'm insecure, you joke, pick fun, but I can see it in your eyes that you mean none of it. It's all just payback for the thing I do to you, that's why you never do it when I'm sad. And even then, you see, I've never let anyone know how weak I was inside, so alone. But then you came, you saw it, you morned for me and brought a light back into my life. There's a humor in it now, not shallow like it used to be. Now, I don't take as much offense in what people think of me, because you accept me for me. Although, it IS rather rude of them to degrade me so, just because of some difficulties...but, you, it's different. I don't feel worthy of you when you say those things, it hurts, but still, I know you're only picking. But, I'll pass it off, no one needs to know I have insecurities, no one needs to know the way I feel.

You stand next to me, your beautiful hair waving in the breeze, how I want to run my hands through it, to simply know that I'm the only one who'll be able touch it. It may sound like I have the needs of a wild animal, but something calls inside me, it tells me that no one should be allowed to touch you, even look at you except me. I wonder, do you feel that way about me? My hopes excel everytime I talk to someone, you look at me with a clueless gaze, but something in it is posessive. Everytime that preist looks at me twice, you look as if you are ready to draw your sword and begin a duel right then and there. It makes my heart flutter and a slight voice tells me I hope you do. To have the experience of seeing someone fight for me, ME! Now one's ever done that, but alas, you sit, probably afraid that I would hurt you. Oh how I long for those days to be over, where we're not scared of eachother, where we can touch eachother freely and not be afraid.

A sideways glance into your eyes as we stand here, looking out upon a montaneous landscape, looks far off, telling me you are thinking. If I were sarcastic, I'd be surprised, but I"m not, I know you think, you just don't pay attention to what you don't need to. It makes me laugh that you don't care about anything that has nothing to do with you. How arrogant! But yet, you do care about all that has to do with your friends. In fact, I remember many times that you have cared for me, carrying me when I was ill, I hated that. It made it look as if I were weak, requiring the help of a man to defend a helpless damsel. I'm not helpless, and you know that. But you weren't trying to make me look weak, you were worried that I'd hurt myself more. Your chivalry prevents you from even making yourself comfortable if I"m not. No one has ever been that kind to me before. You are so much different from my sister.

I giggle at the thought, though I didn't mean to. You look down at me with those confusion filled eyes, I can't help but laugh more. You look so cute, that look plastered upon your face. To watch you try and figure out just what I am thinking. It's plain by now that you are not telepathic, for if you were, then you'd not be scared of my fireballs, for if you could read my mind, you'd know that if you were only cocky, like you are when you fight, then I'd fall right then and there. I can't believe I'm THAT weak, ready to bend to your will just like that, only, hiding it behind one thing or another. Why do you think I came with you after we fought the Dark Lord? Although....that sword would help me a lot...maybe...

"Are you ok?"

Your sudden voice startles me, I find myself blindly looking up into your eyes. Now who's the idiot, you almost caught me thinking of you!

"We should camp here I think. Sleeping under the stars seems nice tonight." I hope you'll say more, I love the sound of your voice.

"But, don't you want to find an inn or something, to take a bath?"

Again, I laugh. You're the only person alive who'd dare question me. Could it be bravery or just idiocy, whatever it is, I like it.

"Na, it'd be nice to just to sit out, it's not to hot, not to cold. Just right I think, unless...you want to go to the next town?" I give you those eyes that can melt the hardest of hearts.

I smile easily as I watch you crumble, "Uh, not really, I just thought..."

"No need to think, you'd hurt yourself." I giggle again.

***

Night has fallen and I lay underneath the cover of a tent, unable to sleep. The day has been long, fighting off bandits, searching for treasures, seeing what other kind of trouble we can get outselves into. After all is said and done, I sit here once again, thinking about you. What has come over me recently, it's like you've become an obsession! Your sight, your smell most of all. There's something in the air around you that's almost intoxicating, pheremones, who knows.

I sigh, you're out there, keeping watch for anything that may come and harm me. Can't you see that I can take care of myself, you don't need chivalry around me? But alas, you still make yourself uncomfortable just to make sure I am. Well I won't stand for it! If you're uncomfortable, then I will be too! Unless of course, if it comes to food, then it's every man for himself. Anyway, I get up and wander outside, still dressed in my pajamas, at this point, I just don't care.

Quietly, I come up behind you. You're looking up at the stars thinking again. That much thinking MUST be hurting your brain, I know it would mine, as a matter of fact, all this thinking does. The breeze blows and a catch another wiff of your sceent. It's filled with longing and sorrow, of something, familiar. Call me an animal, but it's something I've been able to do for a long time, but anyway, it calls me to you, so I obey. I silently sit next to you and breathe in the overwhelming escense of you, it sends me into a blissful longing to sleep. This is it, I lean over and rest my head on your arm, instantly succumbing to the sleep that was used to be so far out of reach. Before I'm completely gone, I hear your voice once more, so cutely confused.

"Lina...?"

I groan sleepily and make myself comfortable on your arm then fall the rest of the way into sleep.