Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers Outrageous: Xellos is a father?! ❯ Lists and Quests ( Chapter 4 )

What? Is it true? Xellos has a daughter?

Chapter Four. Lists and Quests.

It had been four years since Mesuinu was found in the ashes of a once great and vast woods. Having been found naked in the woods, lightly bruised and soaked in ashes, none could know how she could have survived such a mysterious and deadly occurrence, especially near the center of the phenomenon. However, her father, Xellos, had a few theories of his own.

"What happened back then? Not even I know. When she was found, she had no clothes on and couldn't remember anything that had happened after she teleported. What did she do in the woods? Did she transform? What did she turn into? I still have no verification that she can transform. She's only a half-Mazoku, but there's still that possibility. I'm already well aware of the potential devastation she could cause by combining her natural finesse for casting white and black magic, but I still do not know if she can transform. Ah, I probably shouldn't worry about it too much. Lord Beastmaster didn't order me to determine whether or not she can transform. If one thing it did proof...she's very powerful."

"Oi! Otousan!", Mesuinu greets her father coming out from nowhere. "Oi Mesuinu!", Xellos groans as his grown girl embraces him in a tight hug. Mesuinu lets go with a smirk. "Do you know what day it is?" Xellos raises a brow and sweatdrops. "Uh, the day you annoy me?" "Wow, I didn't think you remembered my birthday!", Mesuinu exclaims in shock. "Oh, yes, your birthday. You're turning twelve now, right?", Xellos comments. Mesuinu glares at her father. "Eighteen, I'm turning eighteen." "How could I forget your eighteenth birthday?! The day I had been looking forward all of these past eighteen years! The day I get to kick you out once and for all!", Xellos exclaims with sheer Mazoku delight.

Mesuinu shakes her head. "Oh, but I do have a present for you!", Xellos informs. "Oh? GIMME GIMME GIMME!" Xellos hands her a thick roll of parchment. "What's this? It's too big to be a scroll of magical spells, even if it lists all of the spells in all aspects of magic from all parts of the world.", Mesuinu notes. "It's actually a list of who your mother can't be.", Xellos answers frankly. Mesuinu falls over. "A list of who my mother CAN'T BE?!!! YOU'VE NARROWED IT DOWN THIS MUCH AND YOU STILL DON'T KNOW?!" "Well there ARE six billion and counting humans on this planet, and of course you've got to take in consideration all of the other humanoids that might possibly be sexually compatible enough to produce you and well...I don't even think I could count that high, so I really haven't narrowed it down at all.", Xellos admits. Mesuinu glares again at her father. "Haven't narrowed it down at all? Don't tell me it's blank!" "Of course not! I didn't spend eighteen years writing nothing! It is completely and totally full! If I wrote anymore you'd have to travel all the way around the universe to finish reading it! Well, now then you can set out on your quest!"

"And what about you? What will YOU be doing while I'm gone?", Mesuinu demands. "Sore wa himitsu desu!", Xellos retorts with his famous line. "Hana wo shite kudasai.", Mesuinu orders her dad to give her a straight answer (lit. Please speak). "I don't know...I'll find something to do now that you're not around." "You're going to miss me?" "By the Porcelain God...no!"

Mesuinu manifests a microphone into her hand. "Oh no! You're not going to sing!", Xellos quakes with fear (ANUBIS ANUBIS WE LOVE ANUBIS AKA SHUTEN DOJI!!!!). "As nightsiren02 requested, I'm going to sing But Daddy But! Of course, what she didn't know was that I was going to sing it anyways, but let us boost her ego for a bit, shall we?" Xellos tries to teleport away, but fails. "Hey! I'm not an abra and I'm not in a trainer battle!", Xellos protests to no avail.

"I'm just a girl [Mesuinu bats her eyelashes innocently]

Never hurt anyone [Mesuinu hits Xellos with her staff]

But daddy but...

But daddy but

I want to do this [Mesuinu tap dances with her staff]

But daddy but [Mesuinu stops tap dancing]

I want to be that [Mesuinu's outfit changes to that of an Amazon warrior]

But daddy...but [Mesuinu's outfit reverts to normal]

I know it must be sad [Mesuinu makes sad eyes]

To see your little girl grown, [Mesuinu makes her breasts bounce slightly]

But take heart in

The chaos I've sown [Mesuinu gives a tradition Xellos eyes closed smile]

I can be that girl again [Mesuinu smiles innocently]

Just say the word

And it'll be so! [Mesuinu turns into a chibi]

But daddy but

Who is my mommy?

But daddy but

Why don't you know?

But daddy...but [Mesuinu reverts back to her adult form]

I am different from this world

Different and the same as you

But does that daddy,

Make me stronger than you? [Xellos sweatdrops, relieved that she isn't singing about love and peace]

But daddy but

Why can I do the things I do?

But daddy but

Am I just a half-mazoku? [Xellos sweatdrops again]

But daddy but

Why am I the way I am

But daddy but

You just don't understand [Mesuinu makes a pouty and rebellious face]

But daddy...

I love you!" ^^ [Mesuinu hugs Xellos as he falls over]

"Bye daddy! I'll miss annoying you! I'm going off to look for my mother!", Mesuinu informs and teleports away. "Dear Porcelain God, I thought she'd never leave.", Xellos mutters relieved.

"Alright, you're in a dark and dank dungeon.", Zelgadis introduces. "Can I get a beer?" "Yah go ahead!" "I can cast any of the spells on the list?", Lina asks for clarification. "Yes." "Can I get some lollipops?" "Go ahead!" "I'm going to cast Magic Missile." "Uh-oh, Lina's casting a spell!" "Huh, what? What are you doing Lina?", Zelgadis asks. "I'm casting Magic Missile." "But there's nothing to attack.", Zel informs. "I'm at the bar, right? Am I getting drunk?!" Zel rolls a few dice. "YES YOU'RE GETTING DRUNK!" "I attack the darkness!", Lina informs. "Okay...okay you attack the darkness." Everyone begins to laugh. "HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!!" Their ears start to bleed and Zelgadis throws a sharp d4 at, yes, Naga causing her to shut up. "Alright, you see an elf." "That's me, right?", Gourry wonders. "He's got blonde hair and gray eyes." "Blue eyes.", Gourry corrects. "Let me see your sheet.", Zel orders and looks at Gourry's character sheet. "It says gray, but I decided I wanted blue." Zel rolls his eyes. "Anyways, you two see each other. You can talk if you want." "I'm Gourry." "I'm Lina, sorceress of light!" "Then why'd you have to cast Magic Missile on the darkness?", Gourry retorts. Everyone laughs again and Zel has to throw another d4 at Naga. "Alright, you're surrounded by trolls!" "What? I casted Mordenkainen's faithful hound!", Lina protests. "But you didn't actually cast it. You didn't say that you were casting it."

"Well enough of that," Mesuinu begins, "I better stop procrastinating and begin my quest. Where to begin? Oh right! Dad gave me a list of who can't be my mother. I better start looking at it." Mesuinu takes out the parchment and unrolls it. It continues to roll down through the city, on through the woods, and into the next kingdom over before she finally loses sight of it. "Uh...that's pretty long."

Lina Inverse cannot be your mother because I would never sleep with such a flat-chested and beanpoled little girl unless Lord Beastmaster ordered me to, and Lord Beastmaster hasn't ordered me to so she's not your mother.

Amelia Wil Tesla Seiryuun cannot be your mother for obvious reasons that I shouldn't even after to state. Think love and justice and that should explain everything.

Naga the Serpent, formerly known as Princess Gracia of Seiryuun, cannot be your mother. Even though beer and coffee go good together, her laugh and my eardrums do not.

Martina cannot be your mother because she's married. Actually, that wouldn't stop me, but she's an otaku and she really scares me, though not as much Naga.

Sylphiel cannot be your mother because she's madly in love with Gourry. The whole goody-goody goes against my personality as well.

Lord Beastmaster cannot be your mother because technically, she's your grandmother and she wouldn't let me do that with her. It's so unfair!

Lord of Nightmares cannot be your mother for we all simply exist. If we ceased to have existed, then she might actually be a possibility.

Filia Ul Copt can NEVER EVER ABSOLUTELY WITHOUT THE SLIGHTLY CHANCE OR POSSIBILTY be your mother in any way, shape, or form because she is a loudmouthed, annoying, hideous, hypocritical, loathsome, ridiculous, snobby, stubborn, arrogant golden dragon that is bossy, irritating, boorish, repugnant, duplicitious, despicable, preposterous, obstinate , stuck-up, supercilious, domineering, vexing, uncouth, obnoxious, treacherous, vile, outlandish, adamant , snooty, pompous, officious, frustrating, coarse, intolerable, precarious, abhorrent, eccentric, obdurate, pretentious, haughty, interfering, exasperating, crass, unendurable, internecine, aberrant, zigzagging, la-di-da, monochromatic, killjoy, pallid, quarrelsome, namby-pamby, vehement, bucolic, yuppie, subnormal, chauvinistic, febrile, deadening, obnoxious, travesty, anachronistic, infuriating, sycophantic, uncongenial, callous, innocuous, impractical, obscure, obsequiously, obsessive, tenacious, obstreperous, pertinacious, perturbed, purulent, cantankerous, sacerdotal, sadistic, sanguinary, sassy, maladjusted, maladroit, malcontent, mangy.......

"Uh-huh. I think that's really all too much more than I needed to know.", Mesuinu comments. She shakes her head and sighs. She begins rolling up her parchment. Two weeks later, it is all rolled up and she is ready to set out on her journey.