Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers Screwed ❯ Gourry the Serpent ( Chapter 1 )

Slayers SCREWED

By: Megalabisia and Val Sama

Part 1: Gourry the Serpent

It all started on a cold summer morning. Lina grumbled and groaned as she tossed and turned in her bed. She had slept well. There was an odd noise at the foot of her bed. She sat up startled to see Gourry. "What are you doing here?" She asked, slightly blushing and suddenly remembering the events of the night before. "Everyone is waiting for us, you slept in." He said. She reluctantly staggered out of bed. An odd blush appeared across her face. "What's wrong Lina?" "I can't find my underwear!" As she frantically looked around the room for them, Gourry pushed a piece of cloth deeper into his back pocket.

Outside everyone was waiting impatiently for the two to come out. "What do you think is taking Miss Lina and Mr. Gourry so long?" Amelia peeped. "Maybe they're giving the bed another test run." Sylphiel said as she winked. Amelia was visibly upset at this remark; she couldn't let anyone know she secretly wanted Gourry. But what chance did she stand against a rude, flat-chested, loud, mean bitch like Lina? Amelia looked down at her own chest "There is no competition. I'm a sure win!!!!" she shouted unknowingly. Everyone else stared at her. She reminded herself she should stop saying what she was thinking out loud. "Oh well." She sighed. I can just move on to Zelgadiss, I mean just look at how long his legs are and how good he looks in those pants. I bet he looks even better with them off. O baby… She suddenly stopped, looked around, and smiled, very pleased with herself that she hadn't said that out loud. Zel, however, did feel a cold shiver run down his back. I can't let that dolt have her, he thought to himself, I love her far more than he does! He raised his hands to the sky. "I will kill him!!!" Zel yelled. He stopped momentarily as everyone stared at him "Damn, Amelia's problem is contagious…" He mumbled.

There was a rustle in the bushes near by. Everyone got into position. "I got her." They heard Gourry call. Everyone relaxed. Lina was holding Gourry's hand and she had such a stupid cute little smile. "Everyone, I have an announcement to make. I am in love with Gourry and we are going to get married!!!" Amelia no longer cared, preoccupied with thoughts of Zelgadiss…mmm… "That's great Miss Lina! I'm so happy for the two of you." Zel was visibly unnerved, "No you can't I won't let you. How could you? You know how I feel about her!" Zel shouted as he ran toward Gourry with his sword drawn. "I will kill you!!" he screamed. With a swift motion Zel had sliced through a small part of Gourry's arm. There was no blood!! "What.. What the Hell…?" Zel mumbled. An odd smile crossed over Gourry's face.

"What are you???" Everyone shouted in unison. "I guess there is no use in pretending any more." He said as he lifted his hand to the top of his head and pulled out a bright shinny yellow strand of hair. A zipper sound resounded as his head started to rip open. Cracking down his throat to his chest. He split in half. Both sides fell apart to reveal a woman with long black hair with a blue tint. Her chest seemed momentarily flattened but now having room bounced back into its proper place. The woman opened her mouth… "Ho-ho-hohoho!" As her watermelon-sized breasts bounced up and down, Sylphiel rolled her eyes and turned her head in disgust. "N..Naga?" Lina choked. Her face had gone pale. The man she had thought she loved was non-other than the person she could least stand in the world. "How can this be?!" She screamed.

"It is really very simple my naive friend. After you so rudely abandoned me I just so happened to run into a rich man, who at first for some reason mistook me for a `lady of the evening' and hired me to take care of his son. Apparently the kid was a real moron and a disgrace to his family so being the kind hearted soul that I am I decided I would take care of the boy for him." Naga said as she followed up with one of her awful laughs.

Lina shuffled her feet uneasily "But this still doesn't make any sense!" she said in a daze.

"Must I explain everything?" Naga snobbishly replied. "But why did you come with me and you promised to protect me and after last ni…" Lina stopped herself short, a little embarrassed that the others were there, listening. She didn't want to discus her personal life in front of them.

"You see it was all part of my trap" she continued "If I could earn your trust you would show me your power. I could learn from you. Playing dumb was all part of the act. If you thought I was a moron you would explain things to me. I did do a good job didn't I? I mean…you never knew did you? I am now strong Lina Inverse and you are no longer any type of a match for me." She finished with another evil horrible laugh. "But we…" Lina blushed "We made love last night! How can this be?" She looked to the ground as if to find the answer. "She already explained it." Zel said with a smile. If she slept with another girl that doesn't count. Does it? Oh it doesn't matter if she'll sleep with him… her…whatever…then I still stand a chance. In this weak emotional state… "She's bound to be put out!" Zel suddenly screamed. Damn Amelia's problem! Amelia was visibly disturbed. Lina looked at Zel with a puzzled expression. "No I understand that but how did I not notice? Shouldn't there have been something missing?!" Lina looked more confused than anything. Naga again laughed (dear God somebody stop that evil laugh). "Well then you must be a virgin Lina. To not know the difference and you call yourself a woman?"

"Oh my God!" Amelia screamed. Naga turned to look at her. A spark of fear came into her eyes. She turned to Lina and flashed her an evil smile. "I'll be seeing you later Lina Inverse. And you better be damn sure you're ready for me!!!" Naga said with yet another evil laugh.

Lina looked momentarily indecisive. Finally she nodded as if she came to a decision "Ok then I guess I have no choice… I'll have to kill you all!!" Lina shouted. Naga smiled wickedly "Lets see what you can do." Before Lina knew what hit her Naga started chanting a certain incantation… "Darkness beyond twilight…." Lina could barely stand the shock.. "Naga knows the Dragon Sla…" But before she could finish her sentence she had been blasted and punted into the air.

"Oh no, poor miss Lina," Amelia said with a smile. That bitch had it coming to her. If I know her now she's going to be all over my Zel. "We have to go find her. Come on Mr. Zelgadiss and Ms. Sylphiel. Um… where is Miss Sylphiel?" Amelia asked nervously looking about. Off in the distance Sylphiel's cries could be heard along with Naga's. Zelgadiss paled "What would she want with Sylphiel? Oh god, what could she want with her?"