Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ The Final Chapters ❯ Chapter 1

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

The Final Chapters
By: Silver Star

It's over.

It's finally over. This journey, a journey that opened my
eyes, has just closed its final chapter. I smiled, feeling relieve
that I'm still alive. I cheered silently inside. I had survived to
live another day.

Valgarv is gone, replaced by a child named Valteria. I
planned to open a pottery shop somewhere, and settle down to
raise little Val. I want to give him a home, a place where he is
loved. After all, it's the least I could do after what my kind had
done to him.

I am no longer a priestess of the Golden Dragons any
more. Our actions, the actions of the people who once made
me proud, disgust me. When I had started this journey, I was
certain in my position in life and the position of my people. As
time goes on, I realized that all was not as I thought they were.
My kinds, they were nothing like how I thought of them. They
slaughtered thousands of innocents for greed and power.
They were worse than the Mazoku.

Mazoku. Xellos.

This chapter of my life is closing. Xellos. I'll never see
him again. After all, this journey is really what tied us
together. It hurts, even after all this time, even after I've
finally accepted the truth that he'll never love me. He is not
my first love, and he probably won't be my last, but it still
breaks my heart despite the knowledge. But I accepted this,
just as how I had accepted the knowledge of what my kind had
done, and I will make the best out of it. My life will still go on.
His life will still continue. Nothing will change.

So I guess this is goodbye, then, right? Xellos...I just
wish I could tell you before you go... Before you walk out of
my life forever.

~ * * ~

On the outside, I'm as infuriating as ever. My happy
mask was firm on my face. To everyone around me, I'm still
the ever-annoying trickster priest. To them, I never change.

That's on the outside.

Inside, my emotions were on a roller coaster.

I'm sitting in a chair, delicately drinking a cup of tea. I
think I'm annoying Zelgadis again, although this time, I really
didn't try to do it. I suppose just seeing my face is enough to
get him angry.

Is that the same with you, Filia? Do you get angry when
you see my face? Will you feel hate even though I have done
nothing? Do you feel contempt when I saved your life? I don't
know, but I can't say I don't care, because I do.

I looked at you over the rim of my cup. My eyes were
open this time. I want to take one last good look at you before
we go our separate ways. Before you walk out of my unholy
life forever.

You must have felt my gaze, because it was at that
moment that you looked up. Our eyes met, but I did not pull
away. Your eyes, they always fascinate me. They were so
blue, and they were always filled with emotions, whether
disgust, hate, kindness, or confusion, they always showed in
your eyes. I heard that eyes are the windows to ones soul. I
think they were right.

There was something unsettling in your eyes right now. I
don't know what it is, but I think it's because your eyes were
veiling something deep inside. Through all the times I've
known you, I have almost never seen you hiding your
emotions before. I don't think I like it. When I look into your
eyes, I see your beautiful soul, and I never want that to stop. I
want to be able to look into your soul for all of eternity.

You jerked your eyes away, and the painful reality
crashed down on me. The privilege of being able to look into
your soul was reserved for someone else, not me. Never me.
And I realize and acknowledge that. You deserve someone
better than me, someone who can love you and take care of
you. Someone that you actually loves back.

I lowered my head and hid my eyes behind a veil of
shadow, hiding the pain that I would never allow any one to
see. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the image of you with
another man, but it just won't go away. In my mind's eyes, I
see a tall man hugging you close. My hands clenched and my
fingernails dug painfully into my palm. All I wanted to do at
that moment was to crush that man's head in. I wanted to
shout out to the world that you are MINE and no one else's.
But I knew I could never do that. After all, you despise me.

~ * * ~

I stood up abruptly, sending the chair I was sitting on
clatter backwards. My head was lowered and my golden hair
spilled down to frame my face, hiding the eternal pain that
could be seen through my eyes. I didn't say a word or make
any noise as I turned and walked out of the door of the
restaurant.

"What's wrong with Filia-san?" I absently heard Amelia
say worriedly from behind me. "I hope she's not sick."

I stiffened as I heard your voice. "She must be cranky
because of 'that time of the month.'" A joke. Another
goddamned joke of yours. I'll bet everything is a joke to you,
isn't it? I stomped away, making sure that I'm loud enough to
be heard at least a mile around, so it seemed as if I'm angry.
Perhaps I am. I can no longer distinguish one emotion from
the other any more when it concerns you.

I'm running away from you once again. I can't take this
any more. I can still see your crystalline amethyst eyes boring
a hole into me, almost as if you can actually see my soul. I
can still feel your gaze, like a fire that was refusing to be put
out. If I had stayed in that restaurant one more second, I
think I would've broken down and confessed to you of my
secret.

Are you enjoying yourself, Xellos? Are you feeding on my
pain at this very moment? Do you truly enjoy tormenting me
like this? I don't know, and truth to be told, I don't really care.
What does those answers matter? They won't tell me how to
capture your heart. All they are going to do is make me even
more miserable than I already is.

I came to a stop at the edge of the lake. I walked further
out than I thought. I put one hand on the tree beside me and
looked out to the beauty before me, but I could not enjoy it.

He's evil, I told myself. He nearly killed all the Golden
Dragons, and he won't hesitate to kill you. He's manipulating
everyone, and he never tells you the truth. He's evil.

I laughed silently, mirthlessly. Who am I trying to
convince? Myself? I lost that battle a long time ago. It is
useless now to even try. So why am I still trying to convince
myself?

~ * * ~

I watched beneath cloaked eyes as you stomped out of
the restaurant. Everyone else ignored you, thinking that
you're just mad because of my little comment. But I know you
too well, Filia. There is something you're trying to hide, and I
want to know what. I want to know this one last secret of
yours, and I want to be the only one to know it. Perhaps it is
selfish of me, but I'm sure it's not all that unexpected. After
all, I'm the filthy disgusting Namagomi, right?

I set the teacup down onto the table softly, not catching
anyone's attention, and then fazed out of the restaurant. I
made myself invisible to the naked eyes and followed you as
you strode down the street, toward the lake at the edge of the
town.

Your pace was fast; nearly impossible for any human to
match, but it is no trouble for one like me, one who was
granted so much dark powers that it was no trouble at all for
me to destroy a whole army of Golden Dragons with one shot.

You looked absolutely furious. Normally I would admire
the fire in your eyes, but not this time, because there IS no fire
in your eyes. They were not the clear blue they usually were,
either. They were a dark stormy blue and they were slightly
glazed over with something I could not distinguish. I can feel
no anger radiate from you, but there is pain. A lot of pain. It
nearly blinded me and I found myself feeling the same pain
instead of absorbing it as my energy. I could not enjoy it.

What are you hiding, my beautiful, beautiful Filia? What
kind of secrets are you trying to bury in your heart? Why are
you feeling so much pain as you try to hide those secrets? I
want to know. I want to delve into your mind, your heart, and
your soul to find out. I want to see what caused you this mind
numbing pain and crush it. I don't ever want to see you in
pain...never, ever, would I want to see you hurt.

You stopped at the edge of the lake, looking out to the
calm water, with one of your hands on the trunk of the three
beside you. You looked calm now, peaceful, but I know it's
just a mask, like mine, to deceive your enemies.

I dispelled the invisibility spell I had around myself and
watched as you stared at, yet not seeing, the beauty of your
surroundings. I can feel the pain, confusion, and denial
mixing together into a formidable storm wrecking havoc just
beneath your skin.

What are you thinking of, I wonder? I can feel your
emotions, but I'm not a mind reader. I can't tell unless you
allow me to. Whatever it is, it must be very important, for you
to not notice my distinctive dark aura.

I smiled slightly, watching your graceful form on the
background of deep blue water. What is it are you hiding?

"What is your secret, Filia...?"

~ * * ~

I stiffened, suddenly realizing that YOU are behind me.
And I never noticed until the moment you spoke up. I spun
around, eyes wide in surprise, and then narrowed in
suspicion. You are standing behind me casually, almost as if
we are very good friends and we haven't seen each other in
years. Your right hand gripped your staff. The red orb on top
gleamed under the sun, reminding me of the endless rivers of
blood that you had spilled.

"You followed me, didn't you?" I asked. I tried to muster
anger in my voice but all I managed was a cold and
unemotional whisper. You're watching me with your eyes
open again. The amethyst orbs catching my eyes and holding
them. A silent inquiry radiated from you. I broke your gaze
and turned away. Don't do this to me I silently begged within
my mind, waves of anguish washing over me, battering at the
slowly eroding dam. Please, no more...don't hurt me more
than I already am.

"What are you thinking of, my dear Filia?" I heard you
whisper softly and I trembled. How can you make me feel this
way? "I want to know. I want to know all your secrets..."

And the dam finally broke with a thunderous crash.

~ * * ~

"What are you thinking of, my dear Filia?" I asked softly,
watching as your slender form trembled. Why are you
trembling, Filia? Are you afraid? Of what? Me? Or
something else? "I want to know. I want to know all your
secrets..."

The air crackled with energy and tension filled the great
space, thick enough to be cut by a blade. Something snapped
and abruptly, the tension was destroyed as waves upon waves
of emotions crashed into me from all sides. Yet, I knew
without knowing how or why that all this emotions came from
YOU. And they were directed at me. I felt humbled and
shocked under the onslaught of this mighty storm.

Wind snapped my cape around me wildly and the day
became darker and darker as the gray clouds moved overhead
to block out the sun. I did not notice; all of my attention was
focused on the trembling and fragile looking woman standing
before me. I can see the tears making their way down your
pale cheeks, hidden behind layers of your wind blown golden
hair.

Yet, despite all that, you looked absolutely beautiful in
my eyes.

Slowly, yet without hesitation, I walked toward you; my
staff lay forgotten on the ground where I used to stand. The
storm raged harder, faster around us, lifting up my cloak and
your hair up into the air. With your hair now out of the way,
you finally saw me, standing not even five feet away from you.

Your golden hair swirled behind you in a bright halo,
making you seemed almost like a Goddess. And you are
indeed a Goddess in my eyes. A pure and innocent Goddess
that I could never hoped to possess, yet, there you are,
standing with the unmistakable emotions pouring out. Your
heart bared itself to me, and I can see the answer to your
painful secret.

"Please," you whispered brokenly as more tears gathered
and fell, only to be caught and whipped away by the harsh
and cold wind. "Please, stay away from me...I don't want to be
hurt again..." You trailed off as I enfold you within my dark
embrace, yet you did not fought to break away. I hugged you
tighter, wishing with all my might that this isn't just some
dream that was brought out by my internal desires.

"I love you," I whispered softly into your ears and I closed
my eyes to savor the warmth radiating from you. "I love you
so much it hurts..."

You looked up, surprise and tentative hope shining in
your crystalline blue eyes. "R-really? Do you mean that? Do
you...do you truly love me?" You looked away suddenly,
averting my silent gaze. "Please...please give me a straight
answer. No more riddles...I want, no, I need to know."

"Yes," I replied simply and your eyes snapped up to my
again, shining in happiness. "Yes, I love you. Do you love
me?"

"Yes," you replied and I felt strange emotions swelling up
from where my heart used to be. Something so simple can
evoke something so great...

"I am a Mazoku," I said. I didn't want to bring this up. I
didn't want to remind you that I am something you hated with
all your heart. I didn't want to give you a reason to hate me. I
didn't want to loose you. Not now, not ever. But this is
something that cannot be helped. I have to know, because I
don't think I can take it if you reject me later on because of
what I am, and what I will always be.

"Yes, I know, and I am a Ryuuzoku," you replied to my
silent question. "What is the difference? We are beings of two
opposite race; yet, we are not all that different. Your kind can
feel love, just as mine can feel hate."

"So you accept my darkness?" I persisted, despite the fact
that you already assured me that you do not care for our
difference. But I need more prove that you will not leave me at
the first sign of trouble.

"Yes, but only if you accept my light," you said, looking
up at me and smiling that beautiful smile of yours. I felt the
worry and uncertainty disappear. You have so much power
over me, and you don't even know it.

"Alright," I said hoarsely, clutching you tighter, molding
your body to mine. "Then say you're mine."

"Yours, for all of Eternity." And the promise, and indeed
it was a promise, was sealed by a kiss.

Unnoticed by either the man or the woman, the storm
continued raging around them, swirling and blowing wildly,
yet they were not harmed. Peace in the Eye of the Storm...

~ * * ~
The End
~ * * ~