Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ a Very Bad Christmas ❯ night before x-mas ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a hedgehog was stirring, only a drunken diplomat and corrupt mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care except for one that was thong underwear (whistle x2), In hopes that St. Nicholas would be never be there; The children were all drunk and in their beds, While visions of Demerol danced in their heads; When out on the roof there arose such a clatter, Lunar sprang from his bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window he flew like a flash, busted down the shutters and threw up in the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow you almost thought the moon was a homo Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, a prostitute giving a cop a blow. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, Shadow the hedgehog appeared. “Damn reindeer woke me” up as he cocked a gun as a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer, With a little old driver, so ill fated and sick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than smack addicts getting a high his coursers they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them vulgar names; "aw dammit you mother fuckers!!!! now, Dancer! now, fuck face and where the fuck is my Vixen! come on you stupid, oh fuck you damn reindeer made me spill my drink” he threw up on the porch an on the wall! Now move your asses! Faster mother fuckers! Move it all!" As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, as he crashed into a tree So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, battered and bruised like nobody knew With the sleigh full of toys, and drunken swearing St. Nicholas too. And then, in a thud, I heard on the roof The prancing and stomping of each cursed hoof. As I drew in my hand my 9mm, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound. covered in suet and drunken with a fit as he fell down he said “oh fucking shit” He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, and looked like he got burned by a prostitute he smelled like liquor how could we let him pass when there was a spot like he pissed in his pants. A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, as he remove a glass pipe to smoke a rock of crack And he looked like a bum just opening a bottle of rum. His eyes -- how they so blood shot! They were as red as a berry! you could tell he was drunk how was this Christmas so merry His drool from his mouth was drawn up but went south, And the beard of his chin was as yellow as vomit rather than white as the snow; The stump of a glass pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it went to his brain his head like a and shriveled it like a wreath He had a vile face and a huge beer belly, That shook, when he coughed like a bowlful of gel. You could tell that this Santa was going to hell. He was horde and, ugly a right jolly old drunk And I laughed my ass off when he fell on his rump when I saw him, in spite of myself; A n evil wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I got an AK47 instead; He spoke vulgar words , but went straight to his sack, and started to smoke another rock of crack And filled all the stockings; then acted like a jerk, And laying his middle finger to my face aside of his nose, I raised my fist and away the blood flowed As C.T. woke up “who dare shall pass!” “Just you friendly neighbor hood diplomat with my foot as the Ambassador to your ass” And giving him a nod, his foot did it go; Right into Santa’s measly asshole. He sprang real high and landed with a thud , and screamed to his team, who didn’t even give a whistle. As he lay there smelling like sick the crazy diplomat said “Suck my long ass dick” And away they all flew like the down of a thistle. As he went to the kitchen to pour a drink he was annoyed so he pissed in my sink. “Fuck this day ever since I found out Rudolf was gay” he said. I knew he was having a fit because all of a sudden my kitchen smelled like shit. But I heard him say “I’ll explain” he said Mrs. Santa was lame he went out if sight and all of a sudden he got into a fight as a young 2 tailed fox dressed like a mercenary said “when I send you to hell this will be quite merry.” As Santa was talking in Ebonics the young mercenary pulled out some chronic. As eh took a long hit he coughed up his lungs and said “this is some good shit.” Lunar came with a shotgun Santa got up quick his pants fell down revealing a micro dick. As he scurried away he fell down a again as Miles prowler stabbed him again. He said something feisty and quick but to most children they though he was sick “Feel the Pain…Of those inferior beings….As you burn in Hell…” with one thrust of his sword Santa did fall, on the cold iced concrete he couldn’t feel his balls. “Oooo” did he moan as the Reindeer flew off rather that get blown off by a shotgun wielding wolf/fox. Miles stood guard as the medics arrived one said, “this is not how I planned my Saturday night.” They loaded his fat carcass away and slowly did they drive him away. I came out to see what he had done “well Sonic I took are of business.” Now tell me this isn’t evil…