Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Episode III: Revenge of the Obvious Pun ❯ Dubya’s Galactic Empire ( Chapter 13 )

Chapter Thirteen: Dubya's Galactic Empire

 

[The scene cuts to the planet Moustache. A dramatic fly-by reveals that the planet is indeed made up of lava and fire and paaaaain. The scene then cuts to the inside of some room filled with Separatist leaders. A hologram of Darth Egg appears.]

 

Separatist leader guy #1: Things have gone as you predicted, my lord.

 

Darth Egg: You have done well Separatist leader guy #1. When my new apprentice, Darth Vulpes, arrives he will…take care of you…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Separatist leader guy #1: Well, that's entirely reassuring!

 

Darth Egg: It should be…it should be….HAHAHAHAHA!

 

[The hologram vanishes. The scene cuts to the cockpit {Author's Note: Who called this thing the “cockpit”? It implies something quite nasty} of Shadow's ship. Shadow, Sonic, Yoda, and some random pilots are all in the cockpit.]

 

Pilot #1: We're receiving a transmission from the Chancellor's office…

 

Shadow: Patch it through.

 

[A weird blue alien guy shows up on a screen.]

 

Weird Blue Alien Guy: Senator Shadow, the Supreme Chancellor requests your presence at a special meeting of the Galactic Senate.

 

Shadow: Tell the Chancellor that I will be there.

 

Weird Blue Alien Guy: Excellent.

 

[Weird blue alien guy vanishes from the screen.]

 

Shadow: It could be a trap…

 

Sonic: I don't think so…the Chancellor stills needs the Senate to rule. That is, until Episode IV when he'll dissolve it and do just fine anyways.

 

Yoda: If a special session there is, easier for us to infiltrate the Temple, it will be.

 

Sonic: I am consistently stunned by your abilities to make these connections…

 

[The scene cuts back to Moustache. Tail's ship lands and Tails exits it. Omochao hovers out of the droid-socket.]

 

Tails: Stay with the ship, Omochao.

 

Omochao: Why do I always have to stay with the damn ship?

 

Tails: Because I said so, shithead. Now stay with the fucking ship.

 

[Tails stalks off, putting the hood of his cloak up, missing Omochao's response: a very famous hand signal. The scene cuts to the room where all the Separatists are milling about. Tails enters the room, face covered in shadow. Separatist Leader Guy #1 turns to Tails.]

 

Separatist Leader Guy #1: Ahh! Darth Vulpes! Welcome, we've been expecting you!

 

[Tails waves his hands and the doors to the room come crashing down. The Separatist leaders look around in puzzlement. The scene cuts to Coruscant and the Jedi Temple. Several guards are milling around.]

 

Guard #∞: Is there a reason we're guarding a building full of dead Jedis?

 

Guard #311,970: We're guarding this place in case more Jedi show uuuu—

 

[A lightsaber slides right into Guard #311,970's chest.]

 

Guard #311,970: The Jedi are here! Fiiiii—

 

[A second saber slices off his head. Yoda and Sonic bust in, lightsabers swinging. They quickly hack through the guards.]

 

Sonic: There's several thousand more guards in the Temple…

 

Yoda: Of essence, speed is. With full speed, act we must.

 

[The scene cuts to the interior of the Senate building. Eggman, cloaked in black {Author's Note: Which is not at all suspicious} is talking. Shadow enters the senate pod where Amy is sitting.]

 

Shadow: What did I miss?

 

Amy: Some really divine pizza.

 

Shadow: No, like, about the Senate.

 

Amy: Oh. Chancellor Robotnik has been talking about the Jedi's plot to overthrow the Republic for a while now…

 

Eggman: The remaining Jedi will be hunted down and killed. Anybody who collaborates with them shall face the same penalty!

 

[Applause sounds as the scene cuts back to the Jedi Temple. Sonic and Yoda approach a pile of corpses on the ground, all small children.]

 

Sonic: Not even the younglings survived…

 

Yoda: Not killed by blasters, they were. A lightsaber, used was.

 

Sonic: Oh, what gave it away? The clean decapitations?

 

Yoda: Not appreciated, your sarcasm is.

 

[The scene cuts to Moustache. Tails pulls out his saber, and starts hacking away at the Separatist ruling council. Those that aren't dead yet run around screaming as Tails slices through them. The scene cuts back to the Senate.]

 

Eggman: The attempt on my life has left me scarred and hideous, but…

 

Random Senator: LIKE YOU WEREN'T HIDEOUS BEFORE!

 

Eggman: Oh, that is it! I am so testing the Death Egg on your planet!

 

Random Senator #2: THE DEATH WHAT NOW?

 

Eggman: It's a type of…uhhh….pretty flower…

 

Random Senator: OH SWEET! I CALL DIBS!

 

Eggman: In any case, my resolve has never been stronger!

 

[Applause. The scene cuts to Moustache again. Droids and Separatists are falling left and right. Tails pauses and turns towards the camera. His eyes are yellow. Wait…crap, now they match his skin…uhhh, they're red now. Yes. Red. The scene cuts back to the Senate.]

 

Eggman: The war is over. The Separatists are defeated, and the Jedi rebellion has been foiled…

 

[Applause. The camera cuts to Amy.]

 

Amy: Now we'll find out if he intends to give back his executive powers…

 

Eggman: And now that all is at peace, I can now give back my executive powers and let free elections for Supreme Chancellor resume!

 

[Stunned silence.]

 

Eggman: I'm just kidding! I'm going to reform the Republic into the first….GALACTIC…EMPIRE!

 

[Thunderous applause, and cheers. Amy and Shadow look stunned.]

 

Amy: My God…he is exactly like George W. Bush!

 

Shadow: Yes. If by “exactly” you mean “not at all”.

 

Amy: Hey, I want to believe Bush is evil incarnate, so I can make an analogy between him and Eggman.

 

Shadow: Right. Because Dubya really can use Force Lightning…

 

Amy: You do know Bush eats Black children for breakfast? And he hunts the elderly for sport? And he uses mentally retarded children as slave laborer?

 

Shadow: Okay…you are one whacked out bitch…

 

[The scene cuts back to Moustache. Separatist Leader Guy #1 is the last remaining individual.]

 

Separatist Leader Guy #1: Please! We just wanted peace! Don't hurt me! I'm very delica-

 

[Tails hacks him down mid-sentence. The scene cuts back to the Jedi Temple. Sonic walks away from this blue glowing wall thing.]

 

Sonic: I've changed the message. Any Jedi that receive it now will know not to come back.

 

Yoda: Good. Long time it will take for Clones to discover.

 

[Sonic and Tails walk by a small console thingy. Sonic pauses.]

 

Sonic: Master Yoda, I must know what happened.

 

Yoda: Watch the video, only pain you will find.

 

Sonic: I need to know what happened…

 

[A hologram appears above the console. Tails is shown hacking and slicing his way through the Jedi, including the children and Rouge. Sonic gasps.]

 

Sonic: I was like, a week away from getting into her pants…what a waste of ass…

 

[The hologram shows Tails standing above the dead Jedi. Darth Egg wanders into the shot.]

 

Darth Egg: (hologram) Well done my apprentice. Go to Moustache and bring peace to the Empire.

 

[Sonic hits a switch and turns the hologram off.]

 

Sonic: It can't be…

 

Yoda: Destroy the Sith, we must.

 

Sonic: I can't kill Tails…he's like a brother to me. Send me to kill the Emperor!

 

Yoda: Too weak you are to fight him.

 

Sonic: I can't fight Tails…I can't.

 

Yoda: Twisted by the Dark Side, young Prower has become. Darth Vulpes consumed, he has.

 

Sonic: Okay. You know what? Would it kill you to talk like a normal fucking human being, or what? I am getting sick and tired of listening to your pissy backwards speech.

 

Yoda: Kill me it will, if speak normal I do.

 

Sonic: It actually will? Wow…well, where do I go? I have no idea where Tails is…

 

Yoda: Search your feelings, find him you will. A visit to Egg, I must pay.

 

Sonic: May the Force be with you, you crazy little green gnome.

 

Yoda: Force be, may with you. You, go yourself fuck.

 

Sonic: This is getting weirder and weirder…